Download - INTERPERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS
INTERPERSONALEFFECTIVENESSObjective EffectivenessRelationship EffectivenessSelf Respect Effectiveness
The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center 1
The Child, Adolescent & Family Recovery Center
When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills
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Balancing Priorities and Demands Ask others for help Say “No” to unwanted requests If lacking structure, try to create structure and responsibilities
Offer to do things If overwhelmed reduce low priority demands
When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills
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Balancing Wants-to-ShouldsLook at the balance between how much you
do because you enjoy it “want to” and “have to” –try to find a balance, even when you need to….
Say NO to unwanted requests Get your opinions taken seriously
Ask for what you want/need in an appropriate way
When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills
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Attending to Relationships Don’t let problems build up Use skills to head off problems End hopeless relationships Resolve conflicts before they get overwhelming
When to use interpersonal effectiveness skills
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Building Mastery and Self Respect Interact with others and yourself in a way that makes you feel competent and effective, not helpless or overly dependent Stand up for yourself, your beliefs and opinions, follow your own wise mind
Objective effectiveness
Ask for what you want
Say No to unwanted or unreasonable requests
Negotiate Conflict without damaging the relationship
Describe Express Assert Reinforce
Mindfully Appear
Confident Negotiate
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Assertiveness-Getting your objectives or goals met in a situation, effectively
Assertive:Self-confidentSelf-assuredFirmPowerfulForcefulPersuasiveinfluential
Modulating intensity
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How you ask for something or say no to an unwanted request depends on the situation
Level of intensity you need to use Level of insistence you need to use
Factors to consider when deciding how or at what level to respond
Modulating Intensity (Continued)
HIGH INTENSITY: TRY AND CHANGE THE SITUATION
LOW INTENSITY: ACCEPT THE SITUATION AS IT IS
Ask firmly, insist 6 Refuse Firmly, don’t give in.
Ask firmly, resist no 5 Refuse firmly, resist giving in.
Ask firmly, take no 4 Refuse firmly, and reconsider
Ask tentatively, take no
3 Express unwillingness.
Hint openly, take no 2 Express unwillingness, but say yes
Hint indirectly, take no
1 Express hesitancy, say yes
Don’t ask, don’t hint 0 Do what other wants without being asked
Relationship effectiveness
Acting in a way that the other person keeps respecting you
Balancing immediate goals with the good of the long term relationship
(be) Gentle
(act) Interested
Validate
(use an) Easy Manner
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Obtaining and maintaining a good relationship
Repairs
“This skill is about having HEALTHY relationships that LAST!”
Effectively making and accepting apologies (shows compassion and respect).Letting Go! (This can enhance relationships by leaving your past in the past).Admitting when you are wrong or have made mistakes.
4 Horseman of the Apocalypse
Common YOUTH “Horsemen”Not CommunicatingWithdrawalDishonestlyNot going to schoolPlaying video gamesBullyingViolenceDrugs and AlcoholUnhealthy eating habitsDelinquency
This skill involves identifying the
primary destructive forces that each
person brings into a relationship that ultimately can
cause stress and damage to
relationships.
Examples of
common
ADULT
Horsemen…
Dishonesty Not taking mental
health meds Out-of-control spending Credit card debt Workaholism Drugs and Alcohol Unhealthy eating habits Compulsive and
addictive behaviors Violence Infidelity
4 Horseman of the Apocalypse
Self Respect Effectiveness
Respecting your own values and beliefs
Acting in a way that makes you feel moral
Acting in a way that makes you feel capable and effective Taps into PLEASE
MASTER
(be) Fair
(no) Apologies
Stick to values
(be) Truthful
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Keeping or Improving Self Respect and liking for yourself
Factors that Reduce Interpersonal Effectiveness and Dealing with Difficult People
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Lack of Skill
Worry Thoughts
Emotions
Indecision
Environment
Everyone has to deal with difficult people from time to time; remarkably unpleasant, cranky, argumentative or down-right snotty individuals. Utilizing the concepts of Mindfulness and Interpersonal Effectiveness skills are used in these situations in order to maximize our effectiveness.