Download - Managing Conflicts And Difficult People
MANAGING CONFLICTS AND DIFFICULT PEOPLEABF Executive Secretaries and Personal Assistants Conference 17-18 Feb 2009
Kenny OngCNI Holdings Berhad
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About: CNI
1. 20 years old2. Core Business: MLM3. Others: Contract Manufacturing,
Export/Trading, eCommerce, F&B Retail4. Malaysia, Singapore, Brunei, Indonesia, India,
China, Hong Kong, Philippines, Italy, Taiwan5. Staff force: ± 5006. Distributors: 200,0007. Products: Consumer Goods and Services
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Before we start
“You can get anything in life that you want if you can help enough people
get what they want”
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Objectives
1. People Skills2. Managing Conflicts and Difficult People3. Avoiding Stress
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Introduction: People Skills
Why is it so important to us?
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Management Skills
7. Career
6. Attitude
5. Discipline
4. Relationship
3. Time
2. Boss
1. Job
What to Manage?
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Conflict Mgmt
Law of the Ping-Pong Balla.k.a. Law of Cause and Effect
Managing your Relationships
Basics of Relationships1. Why? 2. Good performance & skill won't get you very
far. You need others to succeed3. You cannot get people to listen to you if they
don't like you.4. And if they don’t listen to you, you won’t
accomplish anything!
5. Relationships = Expectations.
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But first…Do you know yourself?
Strengths? Limitations?Good listener?Emotionally stable?Biases or Prejudices?What is “Fair”?
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Managing your Relationships: People Skills
1. People are interested in themselves, not in you2. What is the most interesting subject in the
world to them? THEMSELVES3. Take four words out of your vocabulary: “I, me,
my, mine” and substitute for the most powerful word: “YOU”
4. Remember that the more important you make people feel, the more they will respond to you.
5. Avoid arguing.
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LINA
Listen with interest and praise
make the person feel Important
use their Name
Ask questions
Communication SF
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PASSEPraise and encourage
Ask questions
allow the person to Save Face
use SMART goals
Encourage small improvements
Influence SF
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S + FH + C
Smile
Firm Handshake
Compliment
Personality SF
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Understanding Yourself and Others - Personalities
Closed Open
People
TaskPerfect: Melancholy Powerful: Choleric
Popular: SanguinePeaceful: Phlegmatic
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Handout 1: Personality Types
Understanding Yourself and Others - Motives
Power (nPow)
Achievement(nAch)
Affiliative(nAff)
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Handout 2: McClelland Motive Self Assessment
Handout 3: Motive Profiles Overview
Active Listening
1. Attending2. Paraphrasing3. Speaking4. Clarifying
5. Asking6. Encouraging7. Reflecting8. Summarizing
Personal Tip: ‘Picking’
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Understanding Conflicts
What is…, Sources of…,
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Why do Conflicts happen?
UnrealisticExpectations
InadequateResources
CONFLICTS
Lack of Cooperatio
n
Reduce Energy
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Why do Conflicts happen?
UnrealisticExpectations
1. ‘I am always right’ opinion
2. Do not understand ourselves
3. Do not understand others
4. Different backgrounds
5. Aggressive, Selfish, Stubborn
6. Win-lose mentalitywww.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
Conflict: Good or Bad?
Good 1.Clarification
2.Release emotions
3.Release stress
4.Understand each other
5.Build cooperation & trust
6.Develop problem solving
7.Create energywww.myCNI.com.my www.OOBEY.com
Conflict: Good or Bad?
Bad1.Diverts energy
2.Polarizes groups
3.Deepens differences
4. ‘Either-Or’ positions
5.Always right mentality
6.Develop negative feelings
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Conflict: Good or Bad?
Very Very Bad
1. Informal discussions
2.Mis-information
3.Positions
4.Factions
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Sources of Conflicts
Instrumental
InterestPersonal
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Sources of Conflicts
Instrumental1. Goals
2. Means
3. Procedures
4. Structures
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Sources of Conflicts
Interest
1. Money
2. Time
3. Staff Space
4. Importance
5. Ownership
6. Competence
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Sources of Conflicts
Personal
1. Identity
2. Self-image
3. Loyalty
4. Confidence breach
5. No respect
6. Friendship Betrayal
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Managing Conflicts and Difficult People
The world is full of people who don’t like you… live with it.
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But First…
Do you want to maintain the relationship?
Yes? No?
1. Compromise, if possible
2. Win-win, if possible
3. Adapt, to different people
4. Hide your Ego
5. Lower your Expectations
6. Find Common Ground
7. Same Destination, Different Paths
8. “I understand …”
9. Accept the fact
10. Face
How to avoid getting killed by stress
Avoid stress, conflict, and burnout in the workplace
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1. Understand and use People Skills2. ‘Me’ Sdn Bhd3. Rules of Work4. Bad Bosses5. Who are you working for?
2. ‘Me’ Sdn Bhd
• Who do you work for?
3. Rules of Work
Rule 38: Don’t let it get to youRule 60: Know when to let goRule 76: Don’t bad mouth your bossRule 77: Don’t bad-mouth your teamRule 78: Accept that some things your bosses tell
you to do will be wrongRule 93: Maintain good friendships and
relationships (if possible)Rule 101: Remember that we are all humans
Refer to Handout 7 for
detailed explanation
4. Bad Bosses
If none of these strategies work, you have two choices:1. Choice A - If you have good personal reasons for
staying in your job -- you love your work, you're learning a lot, you like the people you're working with -- you can hold your nose and ignore your boss as best you can.
2. Choice B - Or, you can quit: life is too short too deal with this kind of abuse.
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Refer to Handout 8 for detailed explanation
5. Who are you working for?
End Notes
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Manage Stress and Avoid Depression
Decide on your Life priorities.
Remember who you are really working for.
Go home.
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Who are you really working for?
“Anyone can become angry –that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not easy.”
Aristotle
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Endnote
The rest is up to you.
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Thank You.
soft copy of slides: http://totallyunrelatedrandomanddebatable.
blogspot.com