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Saving Our Sons How Single Moms Can Raise Boys
Into Smart, Well-Disciplined, Successful Men
By Dr. Alduan TarttPsychologist, Speaker, Author & Media Personality
www.drtartt.com
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Statistics About Single Parent Homes
• 10.4 million moms raising boys• 22 million children living in homes away from their fathers• 50% of the kids today will spend at least some time in a home
without a father before they graduate from high school• Within 10 years of divorce, 2/3rds of children report not seeing
their father within the last year
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Moms May Worry…
• Don’t know how to raise boys to be great men• Don’t know how to balance your love & parenting life• Don’t know how to handle your son/s’ father/s• Don’t know how to properly discipline your son• Don’t know how to make your son get on honor roll
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Negative Statistics
• 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
• Boys without fathers are twice as likely to go to prison
• Boys who grow up without their fathers in the household perpetuate the cycle
• Boys who grow up without their father are more likely to drop out of school
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Important Research For Single Moms
• Dr. Henry Ricuitti (Cornell University) has concluded that single parenting does not appear to have a negative effect on behavior or educational performance of the mother’s children.
• Instead, it’s the mother’s ability and attitude that are pivotal in the kid’s success
• In essence, it’s the mother’s reaction to the father’s absence that matters most
• If mom feels that she can guide son to amazing success no matter what, she never quits, adapts and son/s prosper
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BIG FAITH
“When we activate BIG faith in God in raising our kids, we unleash a power that
wills them to success.” –Dr. Alduan Tartt
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Famous Men Raised By Single Moms
• President Barack Obama• Former President Bill Clinton• Dr. Ben Carson• Usher Raymond• LeBron James• Les Brown• Malcolm X
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How To Upgrade Your Life (Four Godly D’s)Declaration- Declare to God What You Want (“Lording”)
Distress- Tearing Down of Present You To Make Room For Bigger You (“Lessening”)Development- Adding New & Improved Skills To Transform The Old You Into The New You Who You First Declared (“Learning”)Demonstration- Living In Your Purpose To Fulfill Your Destiny (“Living”)
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Declaration
“I Will Raise My Son/s (Say His Name) Into A Smart, Well-Disciplined, Powerful Man
No Matter What It Takes”
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Distress Phase- Why Dads Become Absent
• Number # 1 Reason Dad’s Become Absent Is An Overwhelming Feeling of INADEQUACY
• An Man Who Feels Inadequate Would Rather Hide Versus Allow His Kids To SEE His Inadequacy
• Mental Illness, Drug Addiction, Attachment Disorders & Personal Problems
• Inability To Provide Financially
• Toxic Relationship With Mom
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How To Re-Engage Dad
• Focus on dad’s heart and not his wallet
• Be honest about what you cannot teach him (Build dad’s ego)
• Boys need to hang around other good men (Seeing is believing)
• Explain that his son’s point view (that not seeing him as a sign of “rejection” or “inferiority”)
• Dad must commit to consistency so that kids don’t have to guess when they will see him (causes anxiety)
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Distress Phase- When Dad Won’t Engage• Explain To Your Son That It’s Not His Fault• Set Up a Few Counseling Sessions With Preferably Male
Counselors To Talk About His Feelings To Get Rid of Any Toxic Feelings of Rejection/Self-Blame/Self-Hatred
• Encourage Son To Write Letter To Dad Explaining His Feelings (Drop Off the Emotional Baggage Where It Belongs- Doesn’t Have To Send It)
• Replace Something Bad With Something Better- Enlist Mentors & Other Men In The Community To Step In & Help Out
• Raise Him To Be Smart, Well-Disciplined & Powerful As His Mom
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Development Phase- What Your Son Needs You From You
• A Happy Mom • Self-Discipline• Competency• Relatedness• Autonomy
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Development- A Happy Mom
• Happier Moms Parent Better & Thus Raise Happier Sons • Must Schedule A Separate Life From Your Children • Parent From The “Overflow”• Parents Should Have At Least 3 Close Girlfriends Who You Spend
Quality Time With 1-2X Monthly To Remain Happy • Date Quality Men (No Social Work Love, Settling For Less, Dating
Out of Pain)
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Development- Self-Discipline
• More Than Your Son Needs Sympathy or Mom Guilt For Dad Not Being Around, He Needs Consistent Love & Self-Discipline
• You Are Not Hurting Your Son When You Discipline Him. You Are Hurting Him When You Do Not
• Less Talk and More Action (Talk is NOT Discipline) • Start Firm & Then Become More Lenient Versus Vice Versa (He
Will Take You As A Joke If You Don’t)• Turn Daily Amenities (TV, Internet, Going Outside, etc.) Into
Rewards That Must Be Earned Only After They Behave Never Before
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Development- Competency (Skills)
• Exposure (What they SEE is what they will BE)• Place Your Sons Around Successful Men• Visit A College/University As Regularly As Possible
• High Expectations• Don’t Talk About Expectations, Actually Expect Them
• Goal Setting • Have Your Son/s Write Their Goals Out For Their Grades Each
Progress Report (Every 4-6 Weeks)
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Development- Competency (Skills)
• Structure (Homework Time Is Daily & Before Leisure)• It Is Your Responsibility To Teach Work Ethic• 30 Min- 1Hour of Studying Daily (Break on Weekends)• Do Homework With Son But Not For Him
• Accountability & Consistency• Hold Son Accountable For Working Daily
• Be Positive & Reward Them With Earned Activities For Hard Work
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Development- Relatedness (Connection)
• Must Have A Relationship With God To Understand Purpose (Suicide & Depression Prevention)
• Emotional Connection Through One-On-One Time With You• Schedule Time (15 minutes is minimum) with him consistency• Tune In Without Distraction• Listen Well Enough To Truly “Get Him” • Behave Like You Get Him (Love is a Verb So Do Fun Things Together)
• Improve His Social Skills • How Kids Get Along With Peers Directly Linked To Future Positive
Relationships
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Development- Autonomy (Manhood)
• Parent Just Above His Abilities To Encourage Him To Grow• Challenge Him With Age-Appropriate Tasks (Ordering His Own Food,
Changing A Tire, Shopping For Groceries, Ride Public Transportation)• Allow Your Son To Grow By Allowing Him To Fail & Figure It Out
• Give Him A Tutorial Versus Doing It For Him• Use “Scaffolding” To Help Him Problem-Solve
• Give Him Clues To Enhance His Independent Problem-Solving Skills• Require Him To Spend Time With Friends Away From You
• Boy Scouts, Go To Movies/Mall, Play Video Games, Get Out of House
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Demonstration- The 5 Qualities All Moms Must Teach To Save Your Son/s
• Ambition- A “Go Getter” Mentality To Live God’s Purpose• Professionalism- Doing Job With Positive Attitude Consistently• Integrity- Doing The Right Thing/s When No One Is Looking• Resourcefulness- Finding Multiple Ways To Get Things Done• Resiliency/Grit- The Ability To Bounce Back From Failure/Stress
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Review
• Parenting Your Son Is A Process • (Declaration, Distress, Development & Demonstration)
• Introduce Him To God To Find His Purpose • During Distress Use Your Skills To Parent & Develop Him• Live & Be A Happy Mom
• Time For Yourself, Girlfriends & Dating (Balance Is Key To Happiness) • Develop His Self-Discipline, Competency, Emotional Connection &
Autonomy Skills • Demonstration Of Success By Teaching Your Son The 5 Characteristics of
Successful Men
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Call To Action
•Now…Who Says a Woman Can’t Raise a Boy Into An Exceptional Man!•Anything Is Possible With the Power of God!•A Skillful, Happy Mom Raises Skillful, Happy Boys Regardless of Circumstance•The Most Powerful Skill Is BIG FAITH IN GOD!
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Contact & BookingDr. Alduan Tartt
404-377-4757
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Texting TARTT (All CAPS) to 22828
Email: [email protected]
Website: www.drtartt.com