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The Art of Verbal Judo
1661 Ramble wood Drive
East Lansing, MI 48823
517.332.5046
Mark Uyl, Assistant Director ● [email protected]
www.mhsaa.com
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Sports Officiating
• What is this world
all about?
https://www.youtub
e.com/watch?v=u
O-E2T1hayU
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TOURNAMENT ASSIGNMENTS &
RATINGS
• The nature of tournament assignments.
• The NCAA Basketball example…
96, 48, 24, 12, 9, 3, 1
• There will never be a system that
everyone will “love.” There will always be
varying degrees of unhappiness.
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What is Verbal Judo?
Judo (the “gentle
way”) is the art of
DEFLECTING…
Verbal judo is a
tactical
communication
style!
What is a win?
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Dr. George Thompson • Earned his doctorate degree
in English Literature.
• Spent most of his
professional life in law
enforcement.
• A policeman must issue
orders and elicit compliance
from hostile subjects, as
when they are reaching for a
weapon.
• Simply put, there are many
similarities with what a
sports official deals with!
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Why Verbal Judo? • Enhanced
professionalism.
• Decrease in complaints.
• Lessen Personal Stress
1) See conflict as an
opportunity.
2) See better game
assignments.
3) Fight your natural,
adversarial human
reaction to argue/win!
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The Best Communicators…
• Are able to study
and figure people
out very quickly!
• They are strategic
communicators.
• Experience is a true
asset in this area!
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A quick story… A doctor entered the hospital in a hurry after being called in for
an urgent, life-saving surgery. He answered the call ASAP,
changed his clothes and went directly to the operating room.
He found the boy’s father pacing in the hallway waiting for the
doctor.
On seeing the doctor, the father yelled, “Why did you take all
this time to come? Don’t you know that my son’s life is in
danger? Don’t you have any sense of responsibility?”
The doctor smiled and said, “I am sorry, I wasn’t in the hospital
and I came as fast as I could after receiving the call and now,
please calm down so that I can do my work”.
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“Calm down?! What if YOUR son
was in this room right now, would
you calm down? If your own son
dies while waiting for doctor then
what will you do?” said the father
angrily. The doctor smiled again
and replied, “We will do our best
by God’s grace and you should
also pray for your son’s healthy
and successful surgery”.
“Giving advice when your son’s life
is not in danger is SO easy”
grumbled the father.
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The surgery took two
hours after which the
doctor walked into the
waiting area and told the
father, “Thank goodness!
Your son’s life is saved!”
And without waiting for the
father’s reply he carried
on his way running by
saying, “If you have any
questions, ask the nurse”.
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“Why is he so arrogant? He couldn’t wait TWO minutes so that I
ask about my son’s condition!” said the father when seeing the
nurse just after the doctor left.
The nurse answered, tears coming down her face, “His son died
three days ago in a car accident, he was at the burial when we
called him for your son’s emergency surgery. And now that he
saved your son’s life, he left running to finish his son’s burial.”
Never judge anyone because you never know how their life
is and what they’re going through.
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Coaches • A typical HS head basketball coach will put in over 1,000 hours
during the season completing a number of tasks in running their program. All of this work is “graded” in the eyes of many based on 20 game nights.
• Coaches are expected to give kids a great experience while managing outside pressures and expectations of those players, their parents, other relatives, college opportunities, school administrators, Board of Education members, booster clubs, community groups and the general public as a whole.
• This all is done in an environment with the many challenges of social media, online message boards, unrealistic parents and the constant pressure of funding and fundraising. Oh, and most of our coaches also have families and other full time jobs.
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Officials • A typical HS basketball official will spend over 100 hours per
season working games, attending association meetings, rules review, film study, summer & early fall clinic attendance and crew meetings.
• Officials annually pay MHSAA registration dues ($50), association dues ($40), uniforms & equipment ($100), clinic fee ($50), with gas, food, travel and time away from work & family (various cost). An official that works a full varsity schedule makes $1,200 in game fees (20 x $60).
• This all is done in an environment with the many challenges of social media, online message boards, camera phones and video at every turn with no use of instant replay.
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Studying People
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The 3 Types of People • The “Nice”: this type
of person easily
complies with all
directives. It is easy
to deal with the “nice”
in competitive
situations.
• These people are
NOT our problem in
most cases.
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The 3 Types of People • The “Difficult”: this
type of person always
questions “WHY” they
have to do anything.
Believe it or not, this
person too is easy to
deal with in
competitive situations
because you know
what you’re getting.
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The 3 Types of People • The Two Face: this
type of person is the
most difficult to deal
with.
• The two-face will be
nice to your face, but
will stab you in the back
(snipers and gossipers).
• You need to strip the
two-face of their
camouflage!
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Officiating is Leadership
• As a leader, it is
important to know your
strengths, as well as
your weaknesses.
• You MUST always stay
in control of your
emotions; coaches,
players and fans get to
lose their cool, but not
officials.
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The Balancing Act
• Officials do NOT
have to get the last
WORD…we have
the last ACTION if
needed.
• Officials must be
good listeners…but
we are not verbal
fire hydrants!
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How am I perceived?
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It’s Not What You Say, It’s How
You Say It • Others make perceptions about you as an official in the following
way:
7-10% Based on the content
“What I say”
30% Based on tone of voice & delivery
“How I say it”
60% Based on non-verbal cues
“How I deliver it”
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Great Communicators…
MUST
COMMUNICATE
SIMPLY!
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3 Things to Never Say
1. CALM DOWN
2. SHUT UP
3. ANY PROFANITY
Use words to generate
voluntary
compliance!
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For Example…. Larry Brown Clip
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQzRFN
r0osk
Traffic Stop Clip
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jz5V_P
dxy10
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The Verbal Judo Process
Step 1: LISTEN!
TWO EARS, ONE MOUTH
PHILOSOPHY
Never ASSUME what the
issue or problem will be!
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Step 2: Show Empathy
• Disarm disgruntled people with
this phrase:
“ Let me be sure I heard what
you just said”…
• You have just become the
personification of empathy. No
matter how much the other
person is upset, just about
anyone will be quiet because
they want to be sure you heard
what they said. You are
essentially paraphrasing what
they have said.
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Step 3: Use a Verbal
Deflector
• I appreciate that, BUT
• I hear what you’re saying, BUT
• If it happened exactly the way you’re describing it I
would agree with you, BUT
• You’re right, BUT
• I completely understand your concern, BUT
• After the BUT, use only professional words that
serve your purpose. Everything after BUT is
designed to get the job done.
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Step 4 : Option Time! • Give the person
OPTIONS!
• Good Option First
• Bad Option Second
• Repeat the Good
Option Again!
• Blame the
rule/regulation/agency/
etc. Try and DE-
PERSONALIZE!
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Step 5 : ACT & MOVE ON • Use your rules or
procedures to act if
necessary if all means
and measures for
voluntary compliance
have been
unsuccessful.
• You will never get
100% voluntary
compliance.
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The 5 Steps
1. After you have listened completely, ask for compliance
(please & thank you).
2. After you have shown some empathy, tell them why you are
asking for compliance (you will get 70% of people
complying at this step).
3. Attempt to use a verbal deflector to redirect the
conversation to your intended goal.
4. Give them options….good first, then bad (you will get 80%
of people complying at this step). Confirm the option…if not
compliance, try “is there anything I can say that will allow us
to get this game going again?”
5. ACT
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What is universally accepted
in all cultures?
Politeness!
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In Summary…
• Let the coach speak first…use the Verbal Judo
techniques.
• Keep the communication lines open, but you are
there to officiate, not debate.
• Talk with the head coach only…not assistants.
• Don’t go to the coach…make him or her come to
you.
• Be in control…professionalism is only perceived
as a one way street.
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Questions?
1661 Ramblewood Drive
East Lansing, MI 48823
517.332.5046
Mark Uyl, Assistant Director ● [email protected]
www.mhsaa.com