Transcript
Page 1: The Exposer - Issue 4

Issue No.4 - January 22, 2012

THE WEEKLY

EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!

EXPOSER!

PRINCESS KIARA AND SSPRODUCTIONS’ ALEX HAD A SECRET MEETING ON

TUESDAY AT AN EXCLUSIVE LA CAFÉ. AT FIRST IT SEEMED THEY WERE

DISCUSSING A NEW COLLABORATION, POSSIBLY A NEW DARK, GOTHIC

SUPERNATURAL SERIES CALLED THE ‘THE DEADLY EMPIRE OF EVIL’.

UNFORTUNATELY, OUR TELESCOPIC MICROPHONE WAS MALFUNCTIONING,

THEY WERE ACTUALLY JUST TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER. ALEX

COMMENTED ON HOW HE ENJOYED FLUFFY CLOUDS, SUNSHINE AND RAIN-

BOWS, WHILE KIARA PREFERRED DARK CLOUDS, HEAVY RAIN AND THUNDER.

NITTENS DANGEROUS ENCOUNTER WITH ANGRY BRITISH KITTEN

WHO HAS FA PRODUCTIONS’S GUS WHO HAS FA PRODUCTIONS’S GUS

GOT TRAPPED IN HIS CELLAR?GOT TRAPPED IN HIS CELLAR?

JN AND AYLA STAR HAVE FALLING JN AND AYLA STAR HAVE FALLING

OUT OVER GHERKINS!OUT OVER GHERKINS!

ONEE-CHAN’S

DRAMATIC

COSMETIC

PROCEDURES

BEFORE AND

AFTER

PHOTOS!

ALL NEW

PICTURES OF

THE WEEK!

I AM NOT THE NITE ANGEL!I AM NOT THE NITE ANGEL!I AM NOT THE NITE ANGEL!

QUEEN ELIZABETH’S DENIALQUEEN ELIZABETH’S DENIALQUEEN ELIZABETH’S DENIAL

SIFF STAFF FORM POP BAND, BOOED OFF FRANKFURT STAGE

SIFF PLAYBILL AND RED

CARPET PICS!

Page 2: The Exposer - Issue 4

QUEEN BY DAY, PIRATE BY

NIGHT, MEET THE NITE ANGEL

q

Queen Elizabeth II has spent the

week trying to explain herself

after it was revealed last week

that she was the woman behind

the mysterious character known

only as the Nite Angel. “The

notion that I am a pirate is

absolutely preposterous!” the 85

year old monarch stated in a

televised broadcast earlier

today. “My husband, my family

and I arrrr deeply offended by

the scandalous accusations by

this pant-less terror.” Although

she continues to publicly deny

it, the evidence is beginning to

stack up. Firstly, a former

Royal servant claims to have

found a cutlass, an eye patch

and a skull and crossbones

brooch in the queen’s underwear

draw. Also, when on royal duty

in Barbados, she insisted on

taking a short voyage aboard the

famous Caribbean pirate ship,

Neptune’s Whore, where she

forced her grand-daughter

Princess Eugenie to walk the

plank. There is also rumour that

Her Royal Highness is putting

pressure on England’s parliament

to make arrangements to replace

the decommissioned Royal Yacht

Britannia, with a new £80

Million vessel that looks very

pirate-y.

WHO HAS GUS GOT LOCKED IN

HIS CELLAR?

FA Production’s Gus is no

stranger to scandal, but this

time he could be facing jail

time. After threatening to

lock The Exposer in his

cellar, an investigation took

place at his home in Buenos

Aires, Argentina. We found 16

people in total had been

locked in the movie maker’s

basement. While most of them

w e r e i d e n t i f i e d a s

Argentinean soap stars and

rugby players, we were

shocked to find several

better-known celebrities,

such as Morgan Freeman,

Michael “The Situation”

Sorrentino and Prison Break’s

Wentworth Miller (pictured).

When asked why he had these

people locked in the

basement, Gus denied there

was anything sinister: “We

were just having a party down

there, someone must have

accidently locked the door”.

It’s rumored that Gus

employed the specialist

security services of Logan

the laughing blueberry to

ensure they were not able to

escape.

AYLA STAR DISMISSED

AFTER STEALING

GHERKINS

JN has announced that Kara

Daniels has been fired from

her starring role in Ayla

the Dryad, after she was

caught stealing a jar of his

prized gherkins. JN said in

a statement: “She can take

my car, my money or my

children, but no-one messes

with my gherkins”. The

actress, who is best known

for her role as Wendy King

in The Kingdom, attempted to

down-play the seriousness of

the crime: “I was just

borrowing them for a prop in

my new music video,

sheesh!”. The flame-haired

starlet is set to release

her debut R&B single titled

“My gherkins bring all the

boys to the yard.” JN an-

nounced that Monica Brow

(below) will now be playing

Ayla.

Page 3: The Exposer - Issue 4

COMING ATTRACTIONSCOMING ATTRACTIONSCOMING ATTRACTIONS Check out the amazing line up so far for SIFF March 2012!

Page 4: The Exposer - Issue 4

SUBMISSIONS SO FAR

FILMS

Ronson_14 - A Love That Lasts Forever - Spain

Oak Haven Productions - Cut From The Same Cloth - U.K.

ChristieL - G.03, The Final Act - Italy

Nanami - Mercy - Mexico

FA Productions - NEON - Argentina

Soft Ball Girl - Book Traveller - U.S.A.

Ilya Vasilevskiy - Silence - U.S.A.

Bordelinski Films - The Island - U.S.A.

The Immortal Idiot Team - The Other Cinderella - Scotland

MysteryJack1 - Dead Famous - U.K.

KDK21 Productions - Black Love - Mauritius

MUSIC VIDEOS

Demeter - I Will Always Love You - U.S.A.

Paco1200 - Who's That Chick - U.S.A.

SHORT FILMS

MJSimKat - 5 Facts About Me - U.S.A.

Steph Kline - The Age of Picking - Australia

SIFF STAFF SUBMISSIONS

AAshleySEG - "SIFF Movie" - U.S.A.

JN Productions - Ayla the Dryad - New Zealand

SS Productions Team - The Phantom of the Opera - U.S. / U.K. / Macedonia

BUZZ!

MAKE AN AD! SUBMIT IT! RIGHT NOW!

Forum Thread

Page 5: The Exposer - Issue 4

NITTENS BITTEN BY

MITTENS THE KITTEN

FROM BRITAIN

Poor Nittens had to take

time off his latest

project this week to tend

his wounds from a

cat-attack. The director

s u f f e r e d c u t s a n d

abrasions to his face,

shoulders, arms, legs and

bottom after he was

viciously mauled by his

newly adopted kitten named

Mittens. He thought the

idea of a dynamic duo

called “Nittens and

Mittens” sounded like a

good idea until the

usually friendly-natured

cat turned on him after a

week. Our source suggests

that Mittens is angry

about being shipped over

from Britain to the

United States. He, like

many cats, had the dream

of traveling to London to

visit the Queen, and

frightening a little mouse

under her chair. With

these hopes dashed,

Mittens felt the urge to

lash out at Nittens,

causing physical and

emotional damage. It is

believed Nittens and

Mittens are now attending

group therapy to deal with

their issues.

RAIN CLOUDS FORM OVER

SIMATOGRAPHY STAFF BAND

When Alex Suggested to the

Simatography staff team to form a

pop band called “Rayz of Sun-

shine :)” they had dreams of

grandeur. Little did they know

that they would be booed off

stage on their debut performance.

The band, consisting of Minread,

Alex, Bzanna, JN, Kazee, Sylent-

Whysper, AAshleySEG and Mid-

night445 opened to a crowd of

5000 people at Schrecklich Shizer

Events centre in Frankfurt Germa-

ny, singing their debut single

OMG U R 4 Me. The group were

unable to reach the chorus before

they were forced to vacate the

stage to avoid being injured from

flying garbage. Unfortunately for

the group the bad news didn’t end

there. The single failed to chart

in all seven countries it was

released in. Industry expert

Pauline Wan indicated that alt-

hough they had clear musical

talent, she criticized the ex-

tremely profane lyrics: “It had

the makings of a successful,

catchy pop song, until they

dropped the F-bomb”. The future

of the band is now unclear, and

there are rumors of conflict

between them. Midnight wants JN

gone, as his hair color

clashes with the outfits, and

Kazee reportedly put laxatives in

SylentWhysper’s food, as she

tries to drown everyone out.

Whether they stay on or not, no-

one’s listening anyway.

ONEE CHAN’S COSMETIC

PROCEDURE ADDICTION

The Mercy star has recently had

the following procedures done:

Rhinoplasty (nose job): $6,000

Skin Lightening: $12,000

Retinal Implants (eye color

change): $15,000

Scalp Implant (hair color

change): $15,000

TOTAL: $48,000

BEFORE AFTER

Page 6: The Exposer - Issue 4

PICTURES Of the week

Honey, we should come here more often!

Guys? A little help? My freaking hand’s on fire!

Each week The Exposer delves into the Simatography

photo galleries to see how all of you have been

behaving. As usual, the community had plenty of

scandalous and distasteful activities caught on camera.

Ok, jokes over Cactuar, take off that scream mask!

My guess: number 5 did it.

Just found another one trapped in FA’s cellar.

Right before I stomped on his fingers Mwahahahaha!

Be Careful….

I’m always watching...


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