Download - The Exposer - Issue 4
Issue No.4 - January 22, 2012
THE WEEKLY
EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!
EXPOSER!
PRINCESS KIARA AND SSPRODUCTIONS’ ALEX HAD A SECRET MEETING ON
TUESDAY AT AN EXCLUSIVE LA CAFÉ. AT FIRST IT SEEMED THEY WERE
DISCUSSING A NEW COLLABORATION, POSSIBLY A NEW DARK, GOTHIC
SUPERNATURAL SERIES CALLED THE ‘THE DEADLY EMPIRE OF EVIL’.
UNFORTUNATELY, OUR TELESCOPIC MICROPHONE WAS MALFUNCTIONING,
THEY WERE ACTUALLY JUST TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER. ALEX
COMMENTED ON HOW HE ENJOYED FLUFFY CLOUDS, SUNSHINE AND RAIN-
BOWS, WHILE KIARA PREFERRED DARK CLOUDS, HEAVY RAIN AND THUNDER.
NITTENS DANGEROUS ENCOUNTER WITH ANGRY BRITISH KITTEN
WHO HAS FA PRODUCTIONS’S GUS WHO HAS FA PRODUCTIONS’S GUS
GOT TRAPPED IN HIS CELLAR?GOT TRAPPED IN HIS CELLAR?
JN AND AYLA STAR HAVE FALLING JN AND AYLA STAR HAVE FALLING
OUT OVER GHERKINS!OUT OVER GHERKINS!
ONEE-CHAN’S
DRAMATIC
COSMETIC
PROCEDURES
BEFORE AND
AFTER
PHOTOS!
ALL NEW
PICTURES OF
THE WEEK!
I AM NOT THE NITE ANGEL!I AM NOT THE NITE ANGEL!I AM NOT THE NITE ANGEL!
QUEEN ELIZABETH’S DENIALQUEEN ELIZABETH’S DENIALQUEEN ELIZABETH’S DENIAL
SIFF STAFF FORM POP BAND, BOOED OFF FRANKFURT STAGE
SIFF PLAYBILL AND RED
CARPET PICS!
QUEEN BY DAY, PIRATE BY
NIGHT, MEET THE NITE ANGEL
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Queen Elizabeth II has spent the
week trying to explain herself
after it was revealed last week
that she was the woman behind
the mysterious character known
only as the Nite Angel. “The
notion that I am a pirate is
absolutely preposterous!” the 85
year old monarch stated in a
televised broadcast earlier
today. “My husband, my family
and I arrrr deeply offended by
the scandalous accusations by
this pant-less terror.” Although
she continues to publicly deny
it, the evidence is beginning to
stack up. Firstly, a former
Royal servant claims to have
found a cutlass, an eye patch
and a skull and crossbones
brooch in the queen’s underwear
draw. Also, when on royal duty
in Barbados, she insisted on
taking a short voyage aboard the
famous Caribbean pirate ship,
Neptune’s Whore, where she
forced her grand-daughter
Princess Eugenie to walk the
plank. There is also rumour that
Her Royal Highness is putting
pressure on England’s parliament
to make arrangements to replace
the decommissioned Royal Yacht
Britannia, with a new £80
Million vessel that looks very
pirate-y.
WHO HAS GUS GOT LOCKED IN
HIS CELLAR?
FA Production’s Gus is no
stranger to scandal, but this
time he could be facing jail
time. After threatening to
lock The Exposer in his
cellar, an investigation took
place at his home in Buenos
Aires, Argentina. We found 16
people in total had been
locked in the movie maker’s
basement. While most of them
w e r e i d e n t i f i e d a s
Argentinean soap stars and
rugby players, we were
shocked to find several
better-known celebrities,
such as Morgan Freeman,
Michael “The Situation”
Sorrentino and Prison Break’s
Wentworth Miller (pictured).
When asked why he had these
people locked in the
basement, Gus denied there
was anything sinister: “We
were just having a party down
there, someone must have
accidently locked the door”.
It’s rumored that Gus
employed the specialist
security services of Logan
the laughing blueberry to
ensure they were not able to
escape.
AYLA STAR DISMISSED
AFTER STEALING
GHERKINS
JN has announced that Kara
Daniels has been fired from
her starring role in Ayla
the Dryad, after she was
caught stealing a jar of his
prized gherkins. JN said in
a statement: “She can take
my car, my money or my
children, but no-one messes
with my gherkins”. The
actress, who is best known
for her role as Wendy King
in The Kingdom, attempted to
down-play the seriousness of
the crime: “I was just
borrowing them for a prop in
my new music video,
sheesh!”. The flame-haired
starlet is set to release
her debut R&B single titled
“My gherkins bring all the
boys to the yard.” JN an-
nounced that Monica Brow
(below) will now be playing
Ayla.
COMING ATTRACTIONSCOMING ATTRACTIONSCOMING ATTRACTIONS Check out the amazing line up so far for SIFF March 2012!
SUBMISSIONS SO FAR
FILMS
Ronson_14 - A Love That Lasts Forever - Spain
Oak Haven Productions - Cut From The Same Cloth - U.K.
ChristieL - G.03, The Final Act - Italy
Nanami - Mercy - Mexico
FA Productions - NEON - Argentina
Soft Ball Girl - Book Traveller - U.S.A.
Ilya Vasilevskiy - Silence - U.S.A.
Bordelinski Films - The Island - U.S.A.
The Immortal Idiot Team - The Other Cinderella - Scotland
MysteryJack1 - Dead Famous - U.K.
KDK21 Productions - Black Love - Mauritius
MUSIC VIDEOS
Demeter - I Will Always Love You - U.S.A.
Paco1200 - Who's That Chick - U.S.A.
SHORT FILMS
MJSimKat - 5 Facts About Me - U.S.A.
Steph Kline - The Age of Picking - Australia
SIFF STAFF SUBMISSIONS
AAshleySEG - "SIFF Movie" - U.S.A.
JN Productions - Ayla the Dryad - New Zealand
SS Productions Team - The Phantom of the Opera - U.S. / U.K. / Macedonia
BUZZ!
MAKE AN AD! SUBMIT IT! RIGHT NOW!
Forum Thread
NITTENS BITTEN BY
MITTENS THE KITTEN
FROM BRITAIN
Poor Nittens had to take
time off his latest
project this week to tend
his wounds from a
cat-attack. The director
s u f f e r e d c u t s a n d
abrasions to his face,
shoulders, arms, legs and
bottom after he was
viciously mauled by his
newly adopted kitten named
Mittens. He thought the
idea of a dynamic duo
called “Nittens and
Mittens” sounded like a
good idea until the
usually friendly-natured
cat turned on him after a
week. Our source suggests
that Mittens is angry
about being shipped over
from Britain to the
United States. He, like
many cats, had the dream
of traveling to London to
visit the Queen, and
frightening a little mouse
under her chair. With
these hopes dashed,
Mittens felt the urge to
lash out at Nittens,
causing physical and
emotional damage. It is
believed Nittens and
Mittens are now attending
group therapy to deal with
their issues.
RAIN CLOUDS FORM OVER
SIMATOGRAPHY STAFF BAND
When Alex Suggested to the
Simatography staff team to form a
pop band called “Rayz of Sun-
shine :)” they had dreams of
grandeur. Little did they know
that they would be booed off
stage on their debut performance.
The band, consisting of Minread,
Alex, Bzanna, JN, Kazee, Sylent-
Whysper, AAshleySEG and Mid-
night445 opened to a crowd of
5000 people at Schrecklich Shizer
Events centre in Frankfurt Germa-
ny, singing their debut single
OMG U R 4 Me. The group were
unable to reach the chorus before
they were forced to vacate the
stage to avoid being injured from
flying garbage. Unfortunately for
the group the bad news didn’t end
there. The single failed to chart
in all seven countries it was
released in. Industry expert
Pauline Wan indicated that alt-
hough they had clear musical
talent, she criticized the ex-
tremely profane lyrics: “It had
the makings of a successful,
catchy pop song, until they
dropped the F-bomb”. The future
of the band is now unclear, and
there are rumors of conflict
between them. Midnight wants JN
gone, as his hair color
clashes with the outfits, and
Kazee reportedly put laxatives in
SylentWhysper’s food, as she
tries to drown everyone out.
Whether they stay on or not, no-
one’s listening anyway.
ONEE CHAN’S COSMETIC
PROCEDURE ADDICTION
The Mercy star has recently had
the following procedures done:
Rhinoplasty (nose job): $6,000
Skin Lightening: $12,000
Retinal Implants (eye color
change): $15,000
Scalp Implant (hair color
change): $15,000
TOTAL: $48,000
BEFORE AFTER
PICTURES Of the week
Honey, we should come here more often!
Guys? A little help? My freaking hand’s on fire!
Each week The Exposer delves into the Simatography
photo galleries to see how all of you have been
behaving. As usual, the community had plenty of
scandalous and distasteful activities caught on camera.
Ok, jokes over Cactuar, take off that scream mask!
My guess: number 5 did it.
Just found another one trapped in FA’s cellar.
Right before I stomped on his fingers Mwahahahaha!
Be Careful….
I’m always watching...