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- PERUSAL PACK -
Molly Shannon’s
Book by JEREMY DOBRISH
Music and Lyrics by DREW FORNAROLA
Based on the book TILLY THE TRICKSTER
By Molly Shannon
570 Seventh Avenue, Suite 2100
New York, NY 10018
866-378-9758 toll-free
212-643-1322 fax
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6/17/13
The materials contained herein are copyrighted by the authors, are not for sale, and may only be used
for the single specifically licensed live theatrical production for which they were originally provided.
Any other use, transfer, reproduction or duplication including print, electronic or digital media
is strictly prohibited by law.
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Molly Shannon's
TILLY THE TRICKSTER
Book by Jeremy Dobrish
Music and Lyrics by Drew Fornarola
Based on the book TILLY THE TRICKSTER
by Molly Shannon
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CHARACTERS
TILLY CALLAHAN - The spunky yet adorable nine year old hero
of our show. Her sense of adventure, play, and imagination is
as sharp as the tips of her pigtails.
PEPPERMINT - Tilly’s dog. He speaks with a high-fallutinaccent and has the wisdom of Buddha, but the attention span
of a... wait what was that?
TILLY’S MOM - Her heart’s in the right place but, unfortunately,
a Mom’s always gotta be a Mom.
TILLY’S DAD - Has dreams of a calm life; a life by the ocean.
A life where he has more hair. Sometimes he goes there in his
mind.
TEDDY- Tilly’s five year old brother. A little bit clueless.
He’ll do anything for an oreo. Oh..., and he’s a puppet.
LUKE - Tilly’s mop-topped male friend. She’s too young to
have a crush on him. Really she is. No, she is. Shut up.
EMILY - Tilly’s bookish friend. If anyone else put those
glasses on, their eyes would melt. If anyone else wore that
giant green knapsack, they’d never be able to get off the
couch.
MRS. MOONEY - Tilly’s music teacher. Once upon a time she
could have been an opera singer. Just ask her. If you’ve gotan hour to kill.
PRINCIPAL - Sometimes things are so important to him that he
needs to say them again. And again.
YOUNG PRINCIPAL - The Principal. But young.
*Note - All children are played by grown ups. All animals are
played by grown ups. Did I mention that Tilly’s brother is a
puppet? Tilly’s Mom doubles with Mrs. Mooney, and appears
briefly as a cat, Tilly’s Dad doubles with Principal, and is thevoice of the bus driver, Luke plays the young principal,
Emily appears briefly as a bird and controls the Teddy puppet
Peppermint appears briefly as a Cow.
TOTAL CAST MEMBERS: 6
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œ
œ
TILLY
œ
œ
TILLY'S MOM/MRS. MOONEY/CAT
V œ
œ
TILLY'S DAD/PRINCIPAL
V
œ
œ
PEPPERMINT/COW
œ
œ
EMILY/TEDDY/BIRD
V
œ
œ
LUKE/BOY
Character Ranges
TILLY THE TRICKSTER
www.theatricalrights.com
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1
SCENE ONE
(A bare stage)
START TRACK 1
#1 EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS
(TILLY runs on stage)
TILLY
Hi everyone. I’m Tilly. But you can call me Tilly The Trickster.
I DON’T LIKE BEING BORED
I DON’T LIKE SITTING STILL
I'VE GOT A LOT OF ENERGY
I’LL DO ANYTHING TO GET A THRILLSO THAT’S WHY PLAYING TRICKS
IS MY FAVORITE THING TO DO
YOU THINK THE WORLD IS ONE WAY
AND THEN POOF! IT’S SOMETHING NEW!
(TILLY throws glitter or something into the
audience)
TRICKS ARE SURPRISING
AND UNEXPECTED
THEY’RE NEVER, EVER BLAHTRICKS ARE THE BEST WHEN
THEY GO UNDETECTED
UNTIL THE BIG A-HA!
NO ONE SEES THEM COMING
TIL THE MOMENT IT ALL CLICKS
Yes!
(TILLY does a cool magic trick)
WHOA OH OH OH OH OH,
EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS
Tricks are my friends. Oh, And speaking of friends, I do have
two super cool, super awesome, superduper ones. There's Emily...
(EMILY runs on stage and joins TILLY. She
has incredibly thick glasses, and the
biggest green knapsack in the history of the
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_01_everyone_loves_my_tricks.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_01_everyone_loves_my_tricks.mp3
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universe. She looks a little like a turtle
(but don’t tell her I said so.)
TILLY (CON'T)
Emily has a heart of gold, but she always uses big words that
nobody understands.
EMILY
Salutations Tilly! I believe you mean I'm surpassingly
perspicacious.
TILLY
See what I mean? Oh, and then there's Luke...
(LUKE also runs on to join TILLY. He wears a
backwards baseball cap, and has hair that
flops into his face, but it’s kind of cute,
don’t you think? Yeah, you do.)
LUKE
Hey, T!
TIILY
Luke is..., he's like...
LUKE
(The most important info ever imparted)
Hey, did you know that dinosaur farts were so hot they causedthe atmosphere to burn up and then all the dinosaurs died?
TRACK 1 ENDS
From their farts! True story.
TIILY
He's like that.
START TRACK 2
EMILY AND LUKE
WE BOTH LOVE TILLY’S TRICKS
THEY MAKE US LAUGH OUT LOUD
LUKE
L-O-L.
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EMILY
L-O-L!
LUKE
THEY MAKE HER FUN TO HANG WITH
EMILY
AND THEY MAKE HER STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD
TILLY
TRICKING IS AN ART
IT REQUIRES SKILL AND WIT
AND IF IT GETS ME NOTICED
THAT’S A BONUS, I ADMIT!
ALL THREE
TRICKS CAN BE CLEVER
OR MESSY OR STICKY…
TILLY
IT’S ALL UP TO ME
ALL THREE
TRICKS CAN BE SCARY
OR SLIMY OR ICKY
TILLY
AND I CAN GUARANTEE
THERE’S NO AMOUNT OF LAMENESS
THAT A LITTLE PRANK CAN’T FIX
ALL THREE
WHOA OH OH OH OH OH,
EVERYONE LOVES MY (HER) TRICKS
EMILY
Hey Tilly, Can you execute one of your excessively formidable
tricks right now?
TILLY
Now, now, guys, a trickster can’t be trickstering twenty four
seven.
EMILY AND LUKE
Aw!
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TILLY
A trickster cannot trickstalate on demand.
EMILY AND LUKE
Please!?
TILLY
A trickster trickstantiates when you least expect it!
EMILY AND LUKE
Drat!!!
TIILY
Besides, I need to move on to my family.
(EMILY and LUKE exit as TILLY'S MOM and DAD
enter on another side of the stage)
MOM AND DAD
TILLY’S TRICKS MAKE US FEEL SO PROUD
YES THEY DO
SHE’S THE BEST DAUGHTER OF ALL TIME
IT’S SO TRUE
YOU’RE GONNA GO SO FAR, KID!
WE’RE REALLY GLAD YOU’RE OUR KID!
OUR HAPPINESS IS SUBLIME!
(TILLY tricks MOM and/or DAD. During thefollowing, LUKE and EMILY re-enter)
ALL
OF ALL OF THE TRICKSTERS
WHO’VE TRICKSTERATED
OUR TILLY IS THE BEST
AMONG ALL THE TRICKS THAT
HAVE YET BEEN CREATED
HERS STAND ABOVE THE REST
SHOCK, SUSPENSE, AND HUMOR
IN THE PERFECT TRICKY MIX
WHOA OH OH OH OH OH,
EVERYONE LOVES HER TRICKS
WHOA OH OH OH OH OH,
EVERYONE LOVES HER TRICKS!
TRACK 2 ENDS—WAIT FOR APPLAUSE, THEN START TRACK 3
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#1A EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS (REPRISE)
(TILLY gets into bed and everyone else
exits)
ALL (CONT’D)
WHOA OH OH OH OH OH,
EVERYONE LOVES HER…
TRACK 3 ENDS
TILLY
(In bed, dreaming, to herself)
EVERYONE LOVES HER…
EVERYONE LOVES HER…(An alarm goes off--TILLY hits the alarm)
Oh no, how many times have I hit snooze already this morning?
Was I dreaming again? I love that one. The dream where everyone
loves my tricks. What time is it? Seven forty!? I was supposed
to be up at seven. Mom’s gonna be mad. So watch this.
START TRACK 4
#1B TRICK 1 UNDERSCORING
(As quick as possible (under dressing?
Velcro?), Tilly is lickity split dressed for
school. She gets into bed, fully clothed.
Just at the last second, she realizes--)
Whoa! I am NOT getting into bed with my favorite red shoes on! I
do NOT like shoes in bed.
(She kicks off her shoes and gets under the
covers fully clothed, just as her MOM walks
into the room.)
TRACK 4 ENDS
TILLY’S MOM
Tilly, you’re still in bed? Hurry up! Get out of your pajamas.
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TILLY
Surprise!
(TILLY throws back the covers)
Look, I’m already dressed for school.
TILLY’S MOM
Tilly, you little trickster! You got me. Now come on, let’s get
Peppermint fed and get you some breakfast.
(TILLY'S MOM heads off to breakfast)
TILLY
By "Let's get Peppermint fed", mom means I should feed him,
which I don't really mind, since getting a dog was my idea, and
he is, like, one of my best friends but, let's face it, doing
chores around the house isn't exactly the most exciting.
(Calling offstage to PEPPERMINT--)
Come here boy. Good boy.
(TILLY freezes as PEPPERMINT comes downstage
and stares out at the audience awkwardly.
Finally, he addresses us--)
PEPPERMINT
Hello, I’m Peppermint, Tilly’s dog. They can’t hear me when I
talk. Or sing. But you can. So, um, I just wanted to say...
START TRACK 5
#2 PEPPERMINT'S LAMENT
(The music begins for PEPPERMINT'S LAMENT,
but TILLY unfreezes and interrupts it--)
PEPPERMINT
I’VE
TRACK 5 ENDS
TILLY
Ok, Peppermint, now siiiit.
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_02_peppermints_lament.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_02_peppermints_lament.mp3
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PEPPERMINT
Oh for pity's sake, how humiliating.
TIILY
Siiiiit.
PEPPERMINT
I'm trying to... Oh, fine.
(PEPPERMINT sits. He's not happy about it.)
TILLY
Good boy.
START TRACK 6
(The music begins again, and PEPPERMINT
tries to get a note out, but--)
PEPPERMINT
I’VE
TRACK 6 ENDS
TIILY
Now Doooooown.
PEPPERMINT
Really? I'm trying to sing a...
TILLY
Doooooooown.
PEPPERMINT
I mean, how much must one be asked to bear?
(PEPPERMINT lays belly down flat on theground)
TILLY
Good boy!
START TRACK 7
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(The music starts up again, but then--)
PEPPERMINT
I’VE
TRACK 7 ENDSTILLY (CON'T)
Now shaaaake.
PEPPERMINT
Really!?
(PEPPERMINT jumps up and high-fives TILLY's
hand with his paw)
TILLY
Good boy, Peppermint!
START TRACK 8
(The music kicks in full and PEPPERMINT
bursts out into song--)
PEPPERMINT
I’VE GOT A LOT OF THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN
THEORIES AND MUSINGS I YEARN TO EXPLAIN
BUT ALL ANYBODY EVER HEARS IS
WOOF WOOF
(TILLY'S MOM and TILLY'S DAD enter, setting
up a breakfast table for breakfast as they
do--)
TILLY'S DAD
GIVE HIM A TREAT!
TILLY
THAT’S A GOOD BOY!
(TILLY'S DAD gives PEPPERMINT a treat. Hespits it out.)
PEPPERMINT
I’M BURSTING WITH STRONG BELIEFS TO PROFESS
CLEVER OPINIONS I LONG TO EXPRESS
BUT ALL ANYBODY EVER HEARS IS
BARK RUFF
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TILLY'S MOM
ISN’T HE SWEET?
TILLY
WHAT A NICE BOY!
PEPPERMINT
THINK OF THE FOLKS I’D IMPRESS
AND THE KNOWLEDGE I COULD PROMOTE
IF I DIDN’T POSSESS
A CANINE LARYNX IN MY THROAT
I’VE STUDIED CONFUCIOUS
POST TAOIST THOUGHT
GREAT BUDDHIST TEACHINGS
BUT IT’S ALL FOR NAUGHT
SINCE ALL ANYBODY EVER HEARS IS
WHINE WHINE
TILLY'S MOM AND TILLY'S DAD
ISN’T HE CUTE?
TILLY
THAT’S OUR GOOD BOY!
PEPPERMINT
I DON’T WANT TO FETCH!
I DON’T NEED TO PEE!I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO LISTEN TO ME
I’M THE SMARTEST ONE IN THIS FAMILY!
BUT ALL ANYBODY EVER HEARS IS--
RUFF! GRR! BARK! HOWL!
WHINE! PANT! BURP! ARF!
FINE YOU CRAZY HUMANS
GIVE ME A TREAT
FAMILYTHAT’S OUR GOOD BOY!
! MUSIC BUTTONS "
TRACK 8 ENDS
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SCENE TWO
(The kitchen--breakfast)
(The table has been set for breakfast for 4,
including chairs and one high chair. TILLYgives a dog food bowl to PEPPERMINT)
PEPPERMINT
(sarcastically)
Oh, gee, lemme guess, same exact food I’ve had every morning and
night for the past three years? Exceptional! Hey, what’s that
over there!?
(PEPPERMINT bounds to the other side of the
stage with the determination of a heat
seeking missile, as--)
TIILY
You don't want your breakfast?
TILLY'S MOM
(Calling offstage)
Teddy! Breakfast!
TEDDY
Coming Mama!
(TEDDY comes running/wobbling onstage, which
is to say that the actor playing EMILYbrings the TEDDY puppet out, and heads
toward the high chair. Unfortunately, TEDDY
holds his sippy cup, and is leaving a
sticky trail of juice behind him.)
TILLY’S DAD
Oh, Teddy! Watch what you’re doing.
TEDDY
Sah-wee. ("Sorry")
TILLY’S DAD
(calling over his shoulder)
Hon, can you bring me a...?
(But TILLY’S MOM is already right there with
a paper towel.)
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TILLY’S DAD (CONT’D)
Oh, thanks.
(TILLY’S DAD Lifts TEDDY into his high
chair, and intently starts cutting up some
breakfast sausage for TEDDY and, as he
does, TEDDY throws the sausage pieces toPEPPERMINT who eats them.)
PEPPERMINT
Yum! Delicious! So much better! I love this kid!
TILLY’S MOM
Come on, Tilly, let’s get some food in you.
TILLY
I’m not hungry.
TILLY’S MOM
You need to eat something. And a little protein wouldn’t kill
you every once in awhile.
(TILLY’S DAD notices what TEDDY is doing)
TILLY’S DAD
Teddy! Stop that!
(TEDDY starts to cry)
TEDDYMWAH!
TILLY’S MOM
Oh, hon, don’t be so harsh. It’s ok sweetie pie. Do you want an
oreo?
TILLY
How come he gets an oreo!? Dad, it’s not fair! Dad!
TILLY’S MOM
Honey, what time is it?
TIILY
Dad!?
TILLY'S MOM
You need to get going!
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(TILLY’S DAD looks at his watch)
TILLY’S DAD
O-M-G, I’m late!
TILLY
Dad, don’t say “OMG.” It totally doesn’t work on you.
TILLY’S DAD
Whatevs.
TILLY
Dad!
TILLY’S DAD
Tilly, honey, can you get me a glass of water?
TILLY
Uch. Sure Dad.
(To the audience)
Watch this—
START TRACK 9
(TILLY describes her actions as she does
them)
#2A TRICK 2 UNDERSCORING
TILLY (CONT’D)
First, I grab a paper cup. Then, I poke a hole in the side of
the cup with a pencil. If this trick works, water will
spill through the hole when Daddy takes a drink.
TRACK 9 ENDS
(To TILLY'S DAD)
Here you go Dad.
(TILLY hands the cup to her DAD--He takes asip and gets water all over his suit)
TILLY’S DAD
Ach! My cup is leaking! I’m all wet!
TILLY'S MOM
Honey, you're late!
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TEDDY
Wah!
TILLY
Tricked you, Dad!
START TRACK 10
#3 MORNINGS STINK
[Bell tone]
(The family freezes. Spotlight on TILLY'S
DAD who sings out to the audience--)
TILLY'S DAD
MORNINGS STINKMORNINGS REALLY TRULY STINK
THEY STINK LIKE MY SOCKS AFTER ZUMBA CLASS
WHY CAN’T MY FAMILY JUST EAT BREAKFAST?
WHY CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?
MORNINGS STINK LIKE PEPPERMINT…
WHEN HE PASSES GAS
(TILLY'S DAD does ballet choreography while
the FAMILY, still stationary freezes)
AFTERNOONS ARE BETTERAFTERNOONS DON’T STINK
I SOMETIMES GET TO TAKE A NAP OR READ A BOOK AND THINK
EVENINGS ALSO AREN’T AWFUL
THERE’S ALMOST PERFUME IN THE AIR
I REMINISCE ABOUT THE DAYS
WHEN LIFE WAS CALM
AND I HAD HAIR
I REALLY MISS MY HAIR
WHICH I’M LOSING BECAUSE--
(TILLY'S DAD comes downstage, sings more
desperately now, to the heavens)
MORNINGS STINK
MORNINGS REALLY TRULY STINK!
THEY STINK LIKE MY BREATH AFTER CHIPOTLE. OKAY?
SO IF SOMEONE’S WATCHING FROM ABOVE
PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH ONE MORE OF
THESE STINKY, SMELLY, YUCKY, STANKY,
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_03_mornings_stink.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_03_mornings_stink.mp3
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TILLY’S DAD (CON’T)
NOSE-OFFENDING RANCID, ROTTEN, PUTRID
NASTY, NEVERENDING GAG-INDUCING GRIEF PRODUCING
MORNINGS
(grabs nose)
PEE-YOO!!!
TRACK 10 ENDS
(TILLY'S DAD strikes a dramatic pose while
holding his nose. The song buttons--Lights
shift back. TILLY'S DAD doesn’t. TILLY'S MOM
tries to snap him out of it.)
TILLY'S MOM
Honey. Honey. ANDY!!
TILLY'S DAD
Sorry. What?
PEPPERMINT
Typical human behavior. Never really present in the moment.
Always worried about some sort of--
(Suddenly PEPPERMINT sees something terribly
interesting on the other side of the stage.)
Hey, is that a sock?
START TRACK 11
#3A SLIPPING SEQUENCE
(The lights change as PEPPERMINT goes
tearing across the room. Suddenly, music
underscores, and everything goes into
s-l-o-w m-o-t-i-o-n. PEPPERMINT slips and
slides on the water TILLY made her DAD
spill.)
PEPPERMINT (CONT’D)
Waaaaaggghhh!
(TILLY'S DAD tries to avoid PEPPERMINT but
trips and falls)
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TILLY'S DAD
Ooooommmpphh!
(PEPPERMINT bangs into, and knocks over,
TEDDY’s chair sending TEDDY flying across
the room.)
TEDDY
OOOOOHHH NNNNNOOOOOOOOO-OOOOOOOO!!!
TILLY'S DAD
Teeeeedddddddyyyyyyyy!!
(TILLY’S MOM runs after the mid-air TEDDY
and, like an outfielder diving for a fly
ball, catches him just in time, preventing
him from getting hurt!!!)
TRACK 11 ENDS
ALL
Phew!
(Everything returns to normal)
TILLY’S MOM
Tilly! No more tricks! That wasn’t funny.
TILLY
Actually it was even funnier than I thought!
TILLY'S MOM
Teddy, are you ok?
TEDDY
Yes, Mama.
TILLY’S MOM
Look at this mess!
TIILYPeppermint made the mess.
PEPPERMINT
Really? Throwing me under the bus?
TEDDY
He swipped on da wa-wa you made Dada spill.
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TIILY
Zip it Teddy!
TILLY'S MOM
Don't tell your brother to zip it!
TILLY’S DAD
Tilly, Stop it! What are we going to do with you? These tricks
are really getting to be a problem! Now, I'm serious, no more
tricks today. None! Understand? We’re gonna have to--
TILLY’S MOM
Uch, look at the time.
TILLY'DAD
OMG
TILLY'S MOM
Come on, honey, you’re gonna be late.
TILLY’S DAD
Ok, see you tonight. Tilly, we’ll deal with this whole water
thing later.
(TILLY’S DAD kisses TILLY’S MOM and exits)
TILLY'S MOM
Tilly, I don’t want you to miss the bus. And I need to get
Teddy’s backpack packed, and get him to school.
TILLY
Ok Mom, see ya later. D’oh. Can’t leave without my favorite red
shoes!
(TILLY puts on her shoes, exits the house,
and begins walking down the street)
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SCENE THREE
(The bus stop)
TILLY
Mom and Dad just don’t get it. Did anyone get hurt? No. Am I in
trouble? Not really. So what’s the big deal? They think tricksare a problem, but I think tricks are awesome!
(TILLY heads toward EMILY and LUKE who are
waiting for the school bus.)
LUKE
Did you do Mrs. Mooney’s music homework?
EMILY
Of course, it was painlessly elemental, didn’t you think?
LUKE
I don't even know what that means.
EMILY
It was easy.
LUKE
Oh, um, yeah, totally easy.
EMILY
So band practice after school today?
LUKE
Stuck In Reverse shall reign supreme!
EMILY
I wish we could invite Tilly in, she’s such a good guitar
player.
LUKE
I know, but with all of her tricks, how can we trust her?
START TRACK 12
#4 BUS STOP COUNTERPOINT
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_04_bus_stop_counterpoint.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_04_bus_stop_counterpoint.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_04_bus_stop_counterpoint.mp3
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(TILLY enters. EMILY and LUKE continue
pantomiming a conversation and haven’t seen
her yet. TILLY speaks to the audience--)
TILLY
See, here’s a great example. I have an idea for a littlemischief, the PERFECT trick. And what am I supposed to do,
let a brilliant trick go untricked? I think not!
I’VE GOT THE PERFECT TRICK
TO SPICE UP THIS BORING MORNING
I’LL GIVE A LITTLE KICK
TO THIS BLAND BUS STOP ROUTINE
MY FRIENDS WILL THINK IT’S SUPER FUN
AND WHEN IT’S DONE THEN EVERYONE’LL SAY--
TILLY! YOU’RE THE BEST!
WE’RE ALL SO IMPRESSED!
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY
TO START OUT THE DAY!
YOU’RE THE TRICKSTER QUEEN!
(TILLY runs up to EMILY and LUKE, looking
frazzled.)
Hey Emily! Hey Luke!
EMILY
Hey Tilly.
LUKE
Hey T. What’s wrong?
TILLY
GUYS!
YOU’LL NEVER GUESS
THE BUS CAME EARLY
AND WE MISSED IT!
LUKE
IT DID WHAT?
EMILY
IT LEFT?
TILLY
IT LEFT
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EMILY
OH NO!
LUKE
OH NO!
LUKE AND EMILY
OH NO!
TILLY
OH YES
LUKE AND EMILY
Aww!
TILLY
AND LUKE
THE PRINCIPAL SAID IF YOU
WERE LATE AGAIN THAT HE WOULD WRITE YOU UP
LUKE
HE DID?
TILLY
HE DID
EMILY
OH NO!
LUKE AND EMILY
OH NO!
TILLY
OH YES.
EMILY
Aww!
WE BETTER WALK!
TILLY
YOU BETTER RUN OR YOU’LL BE LATE!
LUKE AND EMILY
AHH!
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TILLY
Ha! I can’t believe they fell for it. I'm the best trickster on
the block. In the world! Whoo-hoo!
(On another part of the stage, EMILY and
LUKE run to school)
LUKE
EW, I’M GETTING SWEATY
AND I’M ALL OUT OF BREATH
EMILY
THIS IS AWFUL
LUKE
WHY DO THESE BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO US?
EMILY
WE AREN’T VERY LUCKY
LUKE
I’M TIRED
EMILY
MY FEET HURT
LUKE
I’VE GOT TO SAY--
LUKE AND EMILY
THIS IS JUST THE WORST
IT’S LIKE WE’VE BEEN CURSED
WHAT A MISERABLE WAY
TO START OUT THE DAY
HOW’D WE MISS THE BUS?
(The school bus pulls up and picks TILLY up
[maybe it’s a 2D cartoon bus in profile?]
The bus catches up to LUKE and EMILY, and
TILLY calls out to them--)
TILLY
Bye guys, see you at school!
LUKE
What the what!?
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EMILY
How utterly aggravating!
(The bus pulls ahead of EMILY and LUKE)
TILLY LUKE
I’VE GOT THE PERFECT TRICK EW, I’M GETTING SWEATY
TO SPICE UP THIS BORING MORNING AND I’M ALL OUT OF BREATH
EMILY
THIS IS AWFUL
LUKE
I’LL GIVE A LITTLE KICK THIS IS WHY BAD THINGS
TO THIS BLAND BUS STOP ROUTINE HAPPEN TO US
EMILY
I’D LIKE TO FART
ON HER PILLOW
LUKE
MY FRIENDS WILL THINK I’M TIRED
EMILY
IT’S SUPER FUN MY FEET HURT
LUKE
AND WHEN IT’S DONE I’M TURNING GREEN!THEN EVERYONE’LL SAY—
LUKE AND EMILY
TILLY! YOU’RE THE BEST! TILLY, IS A PAIN
WE’RE ALL SO IMPRESSED! I THINK SHE’S INSANE
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY WHAT A MISERABLE WAY
TO START OUT THE DAY! TO START OUT THE DAY
I'M THE TRICKSTER QUEEN!
THAT WAS REALLY MEAN!
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY
MISERABLE WAY
ALL THREE
TO START OUT THE DAY!
TRACK 12 ENDS
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SCENE FOUR
(At school)
(TILLY is in MRS. MOONEY’s music classroom.
EMILY and LUKE enter, out of breath)
TILLY
Hey guys, what took you so long, hitch a ride on a snail?
LUKE
Ha ha ha.
TIILY
Wearing those glue covered shoes again?
EMILY
Ha ha ha, hysterical.
TIILY
Take the long way through the molasses highway?
LUKE
So not cool.
TILLY
Oh come on you guys, have a sense of humor. That was a pretty
awesome trick.
LUKEFor you maybe.
EMILY
I can barely breathe. I'm afraid I'm asphyxiating.
LUKE
My hair is a national emergency.
TILLY
And you don’t think that’s funny?
EMILY
Um..., no!
TILLY
Uch, you guys are so Totally-Not-Getting-It-So-Just-Forget-It!
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(overlapping)
EMILY LUKE
Totally what? I’m sorry?
TILLY
Never mind.
EMILY
Hey, Tilly, did you know that Luke and I are starting a band?
TILLY
Really?
LUKE
Yep. Stuck In Reverse.
TILLY
Nice. Can I be in it? I play a mean guitar.
EMILY
Negatory.
TILLY
Why not?
EMILY
(sarcastic)
Oh, gee, I wonder.
LUKE
(sarcastic)
Can’t imagine.
TILLY
What? What’s that supposed to mean?
LUKE
Um, maybe because you’re always playing tricks on people, so
nobody really trusts you?
TILLY
What? That’s ridiculous.
(A school bell rings. The students take
their seats as MRS. MOONEY enters. MRS.
MOONEY is dressed like she’s ready to
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step on stage at the Met and sing some
opera. Even when she speaks, it is
operatic.)
MRS. MOONEY
Good moooorr---nniiiing cllaa---aaaassss.
TILLY, LUKE AND EMILY
Good moooorrr---nniiing Mrs. Moooooooonneeeyyy.
MRS. MOONEY
Did everyone do their hoooome wooooork?
TILLY, LUKE AND EMILY
Yes, Mrs. Mooney.
(MRS. MOONEY goes around the class
collecting home work. First from EMILY.)
MRS. MOONEY
Thank Yooooouuuu.
(Then from TILLY)
Thank yooooouuuu.
TILLY
You’re wellll---cooome.
(Then from LUKE who ain’t got jack)
MRS. MOONEY
Luuuuuke?
LUKE
Oh, um, I’m sorry Mrs. Mooney. My dog ate my homework.
EMILY
You don’t have a dog.
MRS. MOONEY
So you did your hooomewooork, you just don’t haaave iiitt?
LUKE
Yeah, that’s right.
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MRS. MOONEY
Alright then, let’s see how you do. Step to the front of the
room please.
LUKE
Uh, ok. (LUKE, filled with apprehension, stands and
goes to the front of the class)
MRS. MOONEY
Alright then, Luuuuke, answer me this--What note is between an
Fffffff and an Aaaaaa?
LUKE
F and A? Um, gee I don’t...
MRS. MOONEY
G is correeeeeeeect!
LUKE
It is? I mean, I know.
MRS. MOONEY
What word do the notes in the spaces spell?
LUKE
Um, ok, look, I’ll face it, I didn't do my...
MRS. MOONEYFace is correeeeeeeect.
LUKE
Whoa.
MRS. MOONEY
What note is the highest on the staaaaaaaff?
LUKE
Um...T?
MRS. MOONEY
"T?" There is no "T."
LUKE
No, I mean, T, I need help.
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TILLY
Ooh, the perfect time for a trick. Mrs. Mooney, Mrs. Mooney!
MRS. MOONEY
Not now, Tilly.
TILLY
But Mrs. Mooney this is really important. Look at, I made some
home made strawberry candy. They’re SO delicious. Want some?
MRS. MOONEY
Oh, well, this doesn’t really seem like the time, but I do have
a weakness for strawberry candy. How delightful Tilly.
(TILLY hands MRS. MOONEY a candy. She pops
it in her mouth.)
Hmmm, this doesn’t taste sweet. It tastes
like...Yoooooooowwwwww!
START TRACK 13
#5 IT'S HOT
IT’S HOT!
AH OO EE OO OW OW OW!
IT’S HOT!
AH OO EE OO HOLY COW!I EXPECTED SOMETHING SWEET
AND SAVORY BUT THIS IS NOT
AH OO EE IT BURNS IT BURNS
IT’S HOT!
LUKE
We gotta get this on youtube!
(All three kids pull out their cell phones
and start recording)
MRS. MOONEY
OH THE HUMANITY!
MY HEAD IS GONNA BLOW!
I NEED A BOTTLED WATER
I NEED TO STICK MY FACE IN SNOW
IT’S HOT!
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_05_its_hot.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_05_its_hot.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_05_its_hot.mp3
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MRS. MOONEY (CON'T)
WON’T SOMEONE FIND MY COFFEE CUP?
IT’S HOT!
MY LOVELY LIPS ARE BURNING UP
I WOULD DRINK STRAIGHT FROM THE
FIRE HYDRANT IN THE PARKING LOTMY MOUTH'S AN INFERNO
GOD IT’S HOT
Someone make it stop!
[DANCE BREAK]
HOT HOT HOT-CHA CHA!
TILLY, EMILY, AND LUKE
(Copying her)
HOT HOT HOT-CHA CHA!
MRS. MOONEY
HOT HOT HOT, OOOOOOOH HOT!
TILLY, EMILY, AND LUKE
(Copying her)
HOT HOT HOT, OOOOOOOH HOT!
(MRS. MOONEY makes a series of quick,
outrageous, and barely decipherable "ooh my
mouth is hot" type sounds in rapidsuccession. She looks to the kids to copy
her but, hey, that was hard and they got
nothin'.)
IT’S HOT! A DRAGON’S LIVING IN MY LUNG
IT’S HOT! SOMEONE BARBEQUED MY TONGUE
WHY DID I BECOME THE HELPLESS
VICTIM OF THIS RED HOT PLOT?
MACA-FRIGGIN-RONI IT IS HOT!
IT’S HOT!
IT’S HOT IT’S HOT IT’S HOT IT’S HOTIT’S HOT IT’S HOT IT’S HOT
IT’S…SOOOOO HOT!
TRACK 13 ENDS
(Blackout)
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SCENE FIVE
(Lights up-the Principal’s office)
(The PRINCIPAL sits behind his desk. TILLY
sits in a chair facing him. There is anameplate on the desk that says
“PRINCIPAL.”)
PRINCIPAL
Tilly, I am not amused. I am NOT amused.
TILLY
Well I didn't do it to amuse you. I thought it was
High-llarious!
PRINCIPAL
Excuse me young lady! I don’t think you realize just how
serious, JUST HOW SERIOUS, this is.
TILLY
What’s the big deal? It was just a harmless prank.
PRINCIPAL
What’s the big deal? What’s the big deal?!
TILLY
Do you always say everything twice?
PRINCIPAL
Tilly, these tricks need to stop, don't you see? Tilly, these
tricks need to stop, or you'll turn out like...
TILLY
Who?
START TRACK 14
#6 THE BALLAD OF THE BIRD
PRINCIPAL
I was once a lot like... I mean, I knew a boy who was very much
like you.
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_06_the_ballad_of_the_bird.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_06_the_ballad_of_the_bird.mp3
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(LUKE enters dressed exactly like a little
boy version of the PRINCIPAL. LUKE does an
interpretive dance.)
PRINCIPAL (CONT’D)
WHEN I WAS NINE I WAS WALKING DOWN THE ROAD
TILLY
You mean the boy was.
PRINCIPAL
Right, the boy, not me. The boy.
AND THEN I SAW SOMETHING IN THE
GRASS AND SLOWED
(EMILY enters, half-heartedly dressed as aBIRD, and joins the interpretive dance.)
TILLY
The boy, you mean.
PRINCIPAL BIRD
Correct. I’m not in this story.
IT WAS A LITTLE WOUNDED BIRD
(TWEET, TWEET!)
WING SPRAINED AND VISION BLURRED(TWEET!)
SO I – HE – POKED IT WITH A STICK
(SAD TWEET)
IT WAS JUST A HARMLESS TRICK--
(The BIRD exits. LUKE dances alone for the
next verse)
TILLY
Is that the whole story?
PRINCIPAL
No, this wasn’t an isolated incident.
I WOULD CATCH CATS AND THEN I WOULD
PULL THEIR TAILS
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TILLY
You mean the boy would.
PRINCIPAL
He! Yes, obviously, Tilly.
HE’D TORMENT CHIPMUNKS
AND HE SALTED SNAILS
TILLY
WHAT DOES THAT DO?
PRINCIPAL
Wikipedia it.
TILLY
OK.
PRINCIPAL
AND EVERY CREATURE THAT HE TEASED
THEY MADE HIM LAUGH UNTIL HE SNEEZED
AND SO HE SPENT HIS DAYS THAT WAY
THINKING IT WAS ALL OKAY--
TILLY
Is there a point to this?
PRINCIPAL
Yes. The boy had a dream where the bird said--
(Dream lighting and music. Enter half-
heartedly dressed BIRD (EMILY), CAT (MOM),
and COW (PEPPERMINT). Preferably we
shouldn’t know what the cow is until it says
"moo.")
BIRD
WHY, WHY, WHY DID YOU POKE ME TWEET?
WHY, WHY, WHY?
PRINCIPAL
And the cat said--
CAT
WHY, WHY, WHY DID YOU PULL MY TAIL?
WHY, WHY, WHY?
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PRINCIPAL
And the cow said--
COW
WHY DID YOU DRESS ME IN A TUTU AND MAKE ME
DANCE THE ELECTRIC SLIDE? MOO!
BIRD, CAT AND COW
WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY?
WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY?
WHY?
PRINCIPAL
And the boy said--
LUKE
I DON’T KNOW! I’M SORRY!
I DON’T KNOW! I’M SORRY!
SORRY SORRY SORRY
I AM REALLY SORRY
SORRY SORRY SORRY
SORRY!SORRY SORRY
SORRY SORRY!SORRY
SORRY SORRY SORRY!
(Lights fade down on LUKE and the ANIMALS
and up on the PRINCIPAL at his desk still
crying with post traumatic stress.)
PRINCIPAL
SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY
SORRY SORRY--
TILLY
Sir?
PRINCIPAL
Ahem.
SO IN CONCLUSION WHAT I’D LIKE TO SAY
TILLY
You mean the boy.
PRINCIPAL
No, me. I’m talking now.
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TILLY
Ah.
PRINCIPAL
IS YOU MAY COME TO REGRET YOUR TRICKS SOMEDAY
THIS PARABLE OF CAT AND BIRDMAY STRIKE YOU AS A BIT ABSURD
BUT LISTEN TO MY PLEA
TILLY, DON’T TURN OUT LIKE--
THE BOY
TRACK 14 ENDS
TILLY
Listen Principal...
(TILLY picks up the “PRINCIPAL” name-plateoff of the desk)
Principal...Do you even have a last name?
PRINCIPAL
I don’t NEED a last name.
TILLY
10-4 that. Anyway, I love your story, I love little birds, but I
don’t see what this has to do with me.
PRINCIPAL
Oh Tilly, don’t make the same mistakes as that poor misguided
boy who spent so many years, so MANY years, in therapy grappling
with his guilt. Who drove away all of the women, ALL the women,
who ever loved him, and whose greatest joy in life, his GREATEST
JOY is a toasted tuna fish sandwich with the crusts cut off!!!
Crusts. Off.
TILLY
You don't like the crust either!? I hate the crust!
PRINCIPAL
Tilly!
TILLY
Look, I don’t torture birds. I don’t hurt anybody.
PRINCIPAL
What about Mrs. Mooney!?
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TILLY
So her mouth was a little hot for a few minutes? So what? She’s
fine. It was funny.
PRINCIPAL
I see. You’re in worse shape than I thought. Tilly, you'returning into a bully.
TILLY
A bully!? I'm not a bully, I'm a trickster.
PRINCIPAL
Ah, but Tilly--Bullies never think they're bullies. THEY NEVER
THINK THEY'RE BULLIES!
(The PRINCIPAL presses a button on an
intercom)
Molly?
MOLLY (VO)
Yes Principal?
PRINCIPAL
Get Mrs. Callahan to my office. To my office!
MOLLY "#$% I heard you the first time.
PRINCIPAL
Right away, Molly!!! Right Away!
MOLLY (VO)
(imitating him)
"Right away, Molly,right away!"
(TILLY’S MOM enters immediately--scaring the
PRINCIPAL)
PRINCIPALOh! Mrs. Callahan! Come in.
(She sits with TILLY)
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PRINCIPAL (CONT’D)
(into the intercom)
Well done, Molly, well done.
(to TILLY'S MOM)
I’m afraid I have to send Tilly home for the rest of the day.
Until she gets her trickstering under control, I’m afraid sheneeds to be punished.
TILLY'S MOM
Principal--
(She looks to the nameplate to find the
Principal's last name, but it is no help.)
--principal, I am so sorry, I'm sure that Tilly was
just--
(THE PRINCIPAL puts his finger up to TILLY'S
MOM's lips)
PRINCIPAL
Dup. Dup. Shush now. Shush. Go home. Home to your beautiful
family and your handsome husband. Have a meeting. Have a family
meeting!
(THE PRINCIPAL's office fades away--TILLY'S
MOM steps center stage and screams out,
summoning everyone--)
TILLY'S MOMFAMILY MEETING!
(The scene changes quickly to--)
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SCENE SIX
(The kitchen)
(--as the PRINCIPAL does a quick change into
DAD, and joins TEDDY, TILLY and PEPPERMINT
in the kitchen for a family meeting.)
TILLY'S DAD
What's so important? What's the problem? Why a family meeting?
TILLY'S MOM
Andy..., today Tilly was--
(dramatic pause)
--sent home by the principal.
(Lights shift)
TILLY'S DAD
NOOOOO!!!!!
TILLY'S MOM
Because of her tricks.
TILLY'S DAD
NOOOOO!!!!
START TRACK 15
#7 WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?
MOM DAD
WE’RE THE WORST PARENTS
IN THE WORLD
YES WE ARE
I KNEW WE COULDN’T DO
THIS ALL ALONG
YOU WERE RIGHT
WE DID THE BEST WE COULD
WE WEREN’T ANY GOOD
BOTH
OH WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?
TILLY
It’s really not that bad…
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_07_where_did_we_go_wrong.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_07_where_did_we_go_wrong.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_07_where_did_we_go_wrong.mp3
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MOM DAD
WE MUST BE INCOMPETENT
OR WORSE
WE ARE WORSE
WE TRIED TO BE CONSISTENT,
FIRM AND STRONG
BUT WE FAILED
NOW TEDDY'S REALLY BAD AT MATH
AND TILLY IS A
PSYCHOPATH
BOTH
WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?
TILLY
Guys, we’re right here…
TEDDY
HA-HA, You're a psy-wo-path.
TIILY
You don't even know what a psy-wo-path is!
MOM DAD
WAS IT BECAUSE WE LET THEMEAT SUGARY CEREAL?
SHOULD WE HAVE TOLD THEM
TO WHINE LESS?
SHOULD WE NOT HAVE LET THEM
WATCH CARTOONS?
WERE WE TOO STRICT
OR TOO SPINELESS?
WOE WOE IS ME
WOE WOE IS US
BOTH
WOE WOE ARE WE
THE WORST PARENTS IN THE WORLD
TILLY
Guys. Really.
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MOM DAD
WOE WOE I FEEL LIKE POO OH
WOE OH, IT’S HARD TO BEAR OH
DAD
WOE OH I FEEL SO BLUETHAT I JUST LOST MORE HAIR
(The music continues and TILLY'S MOM and
TILLY'S DAD run around like chickens with
their heads cut off. They do a "dance" of
woe and sorrow as--)
TEDDY
Mama? Dada? Are you gonna be Awight?
TILLY
Oh, this is ridiculous.
PEPPERMINT
You see Tilly, it's like this: the Eastern philosophers teach us
about Karma, about how if you do bad things, they will come back
to you and...oh what's the use? To you this just sounds like
"Arf, Ruff, Woof-Woof". If only I could explain this to you so
you'd understand.
MOM DAD
SOMEHOW OUR BEST
WAS NOT ENOUGHIT WAS INADEQUATE
THAT IS WHY WE’RE SINGING
THIS SAD SONG
LA LA SAD
TILLY’S NUTS
WE KNOW IT’S TRUE
AND TED'S NOT SMART
WE’RE OH FOR TWO
BOTH
WHERE DID WE GO WRONG
AND WHAT ARE WE TO DO?
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MOM DAD
WE WANT TO HELP OUR CHILDREN
BUT HOW?
HOW? HOW?!
(PEPPERMINT howls along with the music)
BOTH
WHERE DID WE GO WRONG?
AND WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
WHAT...NOW!?
[SONG BUTTONS]
TRACK 15 ENDS
TILLY'S DADWe have no time for self pity.
PEPPERMINT
Oh, humans always seem to find time for self pity.
TILLY'S MOM
(To TILLY'S DAD)
You're right.
PEPPERMINT
I know.
TILLY'S DAD
Tilly, you've really let us down. Go to your room. Your mother
and I will discus what to do, and we'll meet you in your room in
ten minutes. Understood?
START TRACK 16
(Everyone except TILLY and PEPPERMINT exit.
The lights go down to a sad and lonelyspotlight on TILLY. The music is the saddest
ballad you’ve ever heard in your life.)
#8 LET'S PARTY
TILLY
I FEEL SO BAD
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_08_lets_party.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_08_lets_party.mp3
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TILLY (CON’T)
I LET DOWN MOM AND DAD
AND ALL OF THE GUILT IS GONNA SCAR ME
I DIDN’T DO MY PART
SO I’LL TELL THEM FROM MY HEART:
I’M SO SO SO SO SOOOO
Excited!! Come on Peppermint! We got the day off!
NA NA NA NA YEAH
DAYS OFF OF SCHOOL, YEAH
TOTALLY RULE, YEAH
NA NA NA NA.
LETS PARTY!
BOTH
NA NA NA NA YEAH
DAYS OFF OF SCHOOL, YEAH
TOTALLY RULE, YEAH
NA NA NA NA
TILLY
WE’RE GONNA EAT CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM
PEPPERMINT
AND GO CLIMB A TREE
TILLYJUMP ON THE BEDS
BOTH
AND WATCH SOME TV
PEPPERMINT
WE’LL PLAY FETCH
TIILY
WE'LL GO SWIMMING
BOTH
AND THEN SURF THE NET
TILLY
IF YOU THINK WEEKENDS ARE FUN
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BOTH
YOU AIN’T SEEN NOTHIN' YET BECAUSE--
NA NA NA NA, YEAH
DAYS OFF OF SCHOOL, YEAH
TOTALLY RULE, YEAH
NA NA NA NA.
TILLY
LETS PARTY!
BOTH
NA NA NA NA, YEAH
DAYS OFF OF SCHOOL, YEAH
TOTALLY RULE, YEAH
NA NA NA NA!
(TILLY and PEPPERMINT do a super fun dancebreak)
NA NA NA NA, YEAH
DAYS OFF OF SCHOOL YEAH
TOTALLY RULE, YEAH
NA NA NA NA...
PEPPERMINT
RUFF RUFF RUFF
BOTHNA NA NA NA, YEAH
DAYS OFF OF SCHOOL YEAH
TOTALLY RULE, YEAH
NA NA NA NA!
! THE SONG BUTTONS "
TRACK 16 ENDS—WAIT FOR APPLAUSE, THEN START TRACK 17
#8A LET'S PARTY TAG
TIILY
Come on, Peppermint, let's go!
NA NA NA NA, YEAH
DAYS OFF OF SCHOOL YEAH
TOTALLY RULE, YEAH NA!
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(TILLY'S MOM cuts them off like a record
scratch)
TRACK 17 ENDS
TILLY’S MOM
Up to your room young lady!
TILLY
...dag.
(If performing with an intermission, take it
here. If not, transitions to-- $
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SCENE SEVEN
(Tilly's room)
(TILLY sits on her bed with PEPPERMINT.
TILLY’S MOM and TILLY'S DAD stand at the
foot of the bed.)
TILLY’S DAD
Number one: you need to calm your body down.
TILLY’S MOM
How many times do we need to tell you?
TILLY’S DAD
Number two: No special treats for the rest of the day.
TILLY
Does that include...?
TILLY’S MOM
(overlapping)
Which includes sweets.
TILLY
And...?
TILLY’S MOM
(overlapping)
And TV.
TILLY
Confound it!
TILLY’S DAD
Number three: you will spend the rest of the day in your room...
TILLY’S MOM
Quiet time...
TILLY’S DADThinking about how naughty you have been. Understand Tilly?
TILLY
Yes.
(TILLY’S MOM and TILLY'S DAD exit)
Well, Peppermint, looks like it’s just you and me.
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PEPPERMINT
How uncharacteristically existential of you.
TILLY
Yeah, I know, “Ruff” is right. Let’s see. What could we do? You
wanna play rock, paper, scissors?
(PEPPERMINT shrugs)
Ok, Rock, paper scissors, shoot.
(TILLY throws down “paper.” PEPPERMINT puts
in his paw.)
TILLY (CONT’D)
Paper. I’m Paper. You’re... what is that? Just like random paw?
Well, Paper beats paw, for sure. One for me. Gee, this is fun.
Not!
TILLY’S MOM
(from offstage)
Quiet time!
TILLY
Confound it! This is so boring. Life without tricks is just
boring, boring, boring. I want to DO something. You know what I
mean Peppermint? Say it with me--DO something.
TILLY AND PEPPERMINTDOOOOO something. DOOOOOOOOOO something. DOOOOOOOOOOOOO
something.
TILLY
Oh woof woof woof to you too. What's the use?, you can't talk.
I'll bet if you could, though, you'd have something useful to
say. Yeah, right, Pfff, whatever, sure. Well, I guess I’ll just
sit here and "think about how naughty I’ve been."
(TILLY sits on the bed and thinks about how
naughty she has been. PEPPERMINT wants tohelp--)
PEPPERMINT
I could tell you a story.
START TRACK 18
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#8B PEPPERMINT’S MONOLOGUE (UNDERSCORING)
(PEPPERMINT delivers this speech like one
of Shakespeare’s great soliloquies--NB: he
pronounces “coyote” so it rhymes with “my
throat”)
PEPPERMINT (CONT’D)
Once upon a time I was walking along the side of a road. This
was back when I was a free dog, of course, before the days of
collars and leashes. Not that I mind belonging to you, I do love
it, but there was something to the freedom of the open...
Anyway, One day I came across a wounded bird and I befriended
it. I licked its wounds and, with my paws, I managed to fashion
a make-shift splint for its broken wing. I named him Confucius.
Over time, the bird healed and was able to once again take
glorious flight. Fly little Confucius! Fly!! Now, perhaps that’swhere you'd think the story would come to an end, but you would
be wrong. No, Tilly, listen: You see, one evening out in the
open wilderness I was pursued by a coyote. Well, “Pursued” is a
polite word. That vile beast was out to kill me! To eat me!! I
ran and ran away from it as fast as I could, but I was no match
for the speed of this awful creature! In a matter of moments, I
was to be his supper. But then!, Out of nowhere!, Flying like a
heat seeking missile, came my long lost friend Confucius. He
zoomed right past me heading straight for the coyote. As he
zipped past my snout he proffered up a friendly and final “CA-
CAW”, and then flew straight into the mouth of the snarling,
salivating beast. “Kkkkkgghhhghgh!” the beast sputtered,
suddenly unable to breathe. Confucius had lodged himself right
in the throat of the coyote. And in a matter of minutes, both
the bird and the beast were dead. You see--my precious
Confucius gave up his own life, so that I might live to see
another day! I saved him, and now he saved me! And THAT, my
dear, Tilly, is karma! Do unto others as you would have others
do unto you, and you shall...
TRACK 18 ENDS
hey what’s that?
(PEPPERMINT bounds offstage chasing
something)
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TILLY
Boring, boring, boring. Sheesh I’m so bored. I wish Peppermint
could talk. He'd understand me.
(PEPPERMINT pokes his head onstage)
PEPPERMINT
Ugh!
(and exits again)
(Just then, TEDDY goes skipping by TILLY’s
room with a plate of Oreos)
TEDDY
Yummy, yummy, o-eo, o-eo.
TILLY
What!? That is so not fair.
(calling offstage)Mooo---ooom, are Oreos treats?
TILLY’S MOM
(from offstage)
Yep.
TILLY
And I still can’t have any treats?
TILLY’S MOM
(from offstage)Nope!
TILLY
Confound it! So not fair! If I can't have treats, he can't
either! Ok, ok, wait a minute. I have an idea. First..., I sneak
out of my bedroom.
(TILLY narrates her actions as she
accomplishes them)
START TRACK 19
#8C TRICK 3 UNDERSCORING
I snag the toothpaste and slink into the kitchen where I grab a
cookie. Then, I twist the top off the cookie, remove the creamy
white center with my fingers, and replace it with yucky white
toothpaste. Ha! Now, watch this-
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TRACK 19 ENDS
TILLY (CON’T)
Teddy! Oh Teddy!
(TEDDY comes bouncing over to TILLY)
Here’s one of your favorite cookies.
TEDDY
O-eo. Yum!
(TEDDY puts the cookie in his mouth and
starts chewing. Suddenly his face turns
green, his eyes bulge out of his head, and
smoke comes out of his ears; or whatever the puppet can realistically do, but it should
be nuts. Or--the puppet can simply thrash
about comically--TILLY is laughing
hysterically.)
(But then... TEDDY spits up the pukey,
mushy, icky, yucky cookie all over TILLY’s
favorite red shoes!)
TILLY
Ew! Yuck! Teddy! My trick was supposed to be funny, it wasn’t
supposed to get my shoes dirty!
TEDDY
Sah-wee. ("Sorry")
TILLY
My favorite red shoes!
TEDDY
Sah-wee, Ti-wee. ("Sorry, Tilly.")
TILLYArgh!
TEDDY
Ti-wee? I hab a tunny ache. ("Tilly? I have a tummy ache.")
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TILLY
(Trying to will it to be so)
No you don’t! No tummy ache for you! That’s not part of my plan.
Tricks are supposed to go my way! The whole point of a trick is
for it to be funny, and for me to feel powerful.
START TRACK 20
#9 EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS (REPRISE)
TRICKS ARE SURPRISING
AND UNEXPECTED
THEY’RE NEVER, EVER BLAH
TRICKS ARE THE BEST WHEN
THEY GO UNDETECTED
UNTIL THE BIG A-HA!SHOCK, SUSPENSE, AND HUMOR
IN THE PERFECT TRICKY MIX
WHOA OH OH OH OH OH
EVERYONE LOVES MY TRICKS
You hear me?!
WHOA OH OH OH OH OH,
EVERYONE LOVES MY—
TRACK 20 ENDS
(TILLY realizes that TEDDY, TILLY’S MOM,
TILLY’S DAD, and PEPPERMINT are all standing
around watching her musical tantrum. They
look disappointed in her.)
TILLY (CONT’D)
What’s everyone looking at, anyway?
TILLY’S MOM
Alright, come on, I think we’ve had enough excitement for oneday.
(TILLY’S DAD hands TILLY her cookie-covered
favorite red shoes.)
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_09_everyone_loves_my_tricks_reprise.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_09_everyone_loves_my_tricks_reprise.mp3
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TILLY’S DAD
Tilly, why don’t you clean these off and put them outside to
dry?
TILLY
Ok, Dad. (TILLY grabs the shoes and exits)
TILLY’S DAD
And let's get Peppermint fed.
TIILY
Come on Peppermint.
PEPPERMINT
(sarcastically, as he exits with TILLY)
Oh, gee, lemme guess, same exact food I’ve had every morning and
PEPPERMINT (CON'T)
night for the past three years? Exceptional!
TILLY'S DAD
Come on, Teddy, I'll make you some dinner.
TEDDY
Daddy's Pus-getthi!
TILLY'S DAD
Then it's bath time.
TEDDY
Yay, bubb-ooze! ("Yay, bubbles!")
(As they are exiting, TILLY’S MOM has lagged
behind. She goes over to TILLY’S DAD)
TILLY’S MOM
Honey, I love you.
TILLY’S DAD
You do? Why?
TILLY’S MOM
Just cuz you're you.
(She kisses him and exits and everyone has
exited except TILLY’S DAD)
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START TRACK 21
#10 NIGHTS ARE NICE
TILLY’S DAD
NIGHTS ARE NICE
NIGHTS ARE REALLY PRETTY NICE
IT’S TRUE, MORNINGS STINK,
BUT IT’S WORTH IT
THIS FAMILY TIME WE GET TO SHARE
IS BETTER THAN ME HAVING HAIR
I’LL TAKE THE FOOD FIGHTS AND THE WHINING AND THE MESSES
YELLING, CRYING AND UNNECESSARY STRESSES
JUST TO HAVE THESE PERFECT FAMILY EVENINGS
(There is a thunder clap and the sound of
rain. TILLY’S DAD exits as TILLY enters in abathrobe, taking us to--)
TRACK 21 ENDS
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_10_nights_are_nice.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_10_nights_are_nice.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_10_nights_are_nice.mp3
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SCENE EIGHT
(Later that night)
TILLY
(To the audience)You know what I like best about dinner? Brussels sprouts! Psyc!
Just kidding. Desert, of course! But I didn’t get any desert
tonight, did I? NOOO--OOOOO! Cause I guess that counts as a
treat. Bogus. But my bath was good. And now, I am ready to put
this day behind me, and go to bed.
(Another clap of thunder as TILLY’S MOM
enters dressed for bed. TILLY’S DAD, also
dressed for bed, TEDDY (in PJs), and
PEPPERMINT (also in PJs) trail behind her.)
TILLY’S MOMTilly, sweetie, are your favorite red shoes still outside? Oh
no, they’re going to be soaking wet.
TILLY’S DAD
Here. Put on your nice, cozy slippers instead.
(TILLY puts on her slippers, and white
squishy shaving cream comes spilling out
everywhere; perhaps accompanied by a wet
squishy/farty sound! The family starts
laughing hysterically.)
TIILY’S MOM AND TILLY’S DAD
We tricked you Tilly!
TILLY
Shaving cream!?
TEDDY
We twicked you, Ti-wee.
TILLYIn my slippers!? That’s so mean!
PEPPERMINT
Oh, Karma, you are as reliable as the sunrise. Welcome back, old
frien - Hey, there's my bone!!!
(He runs offstage)
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TILLY
That is so not fair!
START TRACK 22
#11 THE RED SHOES SONG
TILLY'S DAD
WE THINK IT’S JUST A JOKE
WE THINK IT’S NO BIG DEAL
BUT WE DON’T ALWAYS THINK ABOUT
HOW OTHER PEOPLE FEEL
SOMETHING MIGHT SEEM SILLY
BUT WE SOMETIMES CHANGE OUR VIEWS
WHEN WE WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE
ELSE’S SHAVING CREAM FILLED SHOES
TEDDY
SHOES IS A FUNNY WORD!
SHOES, SHOESIES, SHOES!
TILLY'S MOM
WE DON’T MEAN DON’T HAVE FUN
CUZ THAT WOULD NEVER DO
WE JUST HOPE THAT YOU'RE MAKING SURE
YOUR FRIENDS ALL HAVE FUN TOO
THERE ARE LOTS OF JOKES TO PLAY
AND GAMES FOR YOU TO CHOOSE
TILLY'S MOM AND TILLY'S DAD
BUT FIRST WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S
COLD AND NASTY SHAVING CREAM FILLED SHOES
TEDDY
My tongue is long.
TILLY'S DAD
Please stay focused Teddy.
TILLY'S MOM AND TILLY'S DAD
WE LOVE YOU VERY MUCH
WE HOPE THAT’S CLEAR
TEDDY
I LIKE TURTLES!
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_11_the_red_shoes_song.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_11_the_red_shoes_song.mp3
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TILLY'S MOM
THAT’S NICE, DEAR
(PEPPERMINT rejoins the family to sing)
TILLY'S MOM AND TILLY'S DAD
WE JUST WANT YOU TO THRIVEBE HAPPY AND EXCEL
BE GOOFY, FUN, AND QUIRKY
PEPPERMINT
BUT WITH EMPATHY AS WELL
TILLY'S MOM
Woof, woof. Good boy Peppermint.
TILLY'S MOM, TILLY'S DAD AND PEPPERMINT
SO IF YOU WANT TO PLAY A TRICK
THE METHOD YOU SHOULD USEIS FIRST WALK A MILE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S
QUITE DISGUSTING, MOST UNPLEASANT
COLD AND NASTY SHAVING CREAM FILLED SHOES
TEDDY
I WANT A COOKIE!
[MUSIC BUTTONS]
TRACK 22 ENDS
TILLY
Ok Mom, Ok Dad. I get it.
TILLY’S MOM
Do you?
TILLY
Now that I see what it feels like to be on the other end of a
trick.
TILLY’S DADDoes it feel powerful? Does it feel funny?
TILLY
No.
TILLY’S MOM
How does it feel?
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TILLY
It feels... it feels... it feels like I need a hug.
(TILLY’S MOM and TILLY'S DAD give her a hug)
TILLY’S DAD
You know we love you, sweetie!
TILLY
Even though I did all those tricks?
TILLY’S MOM
We don’t love the tricks, but we always love you.
TILLY
I love you too, Mom and Dad. Even when you don’t let me have
treats. And say things like "O-M-G.”
TILLY'S DAD
Whatevs.
(PEPPERMINT, TILLY’S MOM and TILLY'S DAD
exit; taking TILLY’s bathrobe with them -
she is under dressed for the next scene,
leaving TILLY alone on a bare stage, and
taking us to--)
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SCENE NINE
(A bare stage)
START TRACK 23
#12 CLOSING SEQUENCE
TILLY
Hi everyone. I’m Tilly. But you can call me Tilly The Trick...
Nah, maybe just call me Tilly.
I’M THE BEST EVER AT
PULLING OFF JOKES OR
A LITTLE TRICK OR SCAM
SURE, IT TAKES TALENT
TO CREAM PIE YOUR FOLKS BUTTHAT ISN’T ALL I AM
I’M ALSO SMART AND FUNNY
AND DID DANCE SINCE I WAS SIX
WHOA OH OH OH OH OH,
THERE’S MORE TO MY LIFE THAN TRICKS
These are my friends--
(TILLY comes across LUKE and EMILY waiting
for the school bus. Music changes and
continues as--)
Hey Emily, Hey Luke.
EMILY
Hey, Tilly!
LUKE
Hey, T!
TIILY
The bus hasn't come yet?
LUKE
Not yet.
TIILY
You know it's a funny thing about the bus...
http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_12_closing_sequence.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_12_closing_sequence.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_12_closing_sequence.mp3http://www.theatricalrights.com/sites/default/files/song-assets/tlly_12_closing_sequence.mp3
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(EMILY and LUKE look at TILLY, will she try
and trick them?)
TILLY (CON'T)
It's so much more fun when we ride it together! Shall we?
LUKE
Totes!
EMILY
Sounds stupendous!
TILLY
I’VE GOT THE PERFECT THING
TO SPICE UP THIS BORING MORNING
EMILY
Oh no!
TILLY
I’LL GIVE A LITTLE KICK
TO THIS BLAND BUS STOP ROUTINE
LUKE
This better not be a trick…
TIILY
YOU ALL WILL THINK IT’S SUPER FUN
AND WHEN IT’S DONE THEN EVERYONE’LL SAY
(TILLY pulls out goofy hand puppet monster
things, gives them to EMILY and LUKE, and
puts one on herself. They battle with them.)
EMILY AND LUKE
TILLY! YOU’RE THE BEST!
WE’RE ALL SO IMPRESSED!
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY
TO START OUT THE DAY!
WHAM BAM BOOM!
(EMILY, LUKE, and TILLY laugh. TILLY winks
at them--the bus rolls on.)
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BUS DRIVER
(from offstage, with goofy accent)
Everybody on the bus! No happiness on the bus!!
(The kids get on it as the music continues)
LUKE
Tell me the truth, what do you guys think of my hair?
(TILLY and EMILY give LUKE the thumbs up--he
looks away, beaming--they both turn their
thumbs up into the “so-so” gesture.)
EMILY
Hey, Tilly...? Do you... Do you think you wanna join Stuck In
Reverse?
TILLY
Really!?
LUKE
Em and I talked about it, and without you in the band, Stuck In
Reverse really would be... well...
EMILY AND LUKE
Stuck in reverse.
TILLY
Do you think you can trust me?
EMILY
Indubitably!
LUKE TILLY
(overlapping)
What? What does that mean?
EMILY
Yes!
(TILLY hugs EMILY)
TILLY
Luke?
LUKE
Yes.
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(TILLY hugs LUKE. But that’s awkward. So she
punches his arm.)
BUS DRIVER
(from offstage, with goofy accent)
Everybody off the bus! No happiness off the bus!!
(The bus has delivered the kids to MRS.
MOONEY’s class. The music changes and
continues--)
MRS. MOONEY
Good moooorr---nniiiing cllaa---aaaassss.
TILLY, LUKE AND EMILY
Good moooorrr---nniiing Mrs. Moooooooonneeeyyy.
TILLY
Hey, Mrs. Mooney I made some home made strawberry candy. They’re
SO delicious. Want some?
MRS. MOONEY
Now Tilly, fool me once and shame on you, but fool me twice, and
it's shame on me. Why should I trust you? Have you never heard
of the boy who cried wolf?
(The lights change as PEPPERMINT steps out
from the wings and addresses the audience)
PEPPERMINT
The boy who cried wolf! I love that one! In the East we have
“The Folly Of King You Of Zhou” who fooled his soldiers into
thinking that nomads were about to attack. But the soldiers
would arrive at the castle only to find themselves laughed at!
I mean, Pff, IT’S BASICALLY THE SAME STORY!
(Some light comes up on the classroom)
TIILYDid you guys hear something!?
EMILY
I believe I did.
PEPPERMINT
Oh my, can it be....
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LUKE
It kind of sounded like...
PEPPERMINT
Do they hear me at last?
TIILY
Like...
PEPPERMINT
Yes?
LUKE
Like...
PEPPERMINT
What...!?
EMILY AND LUKE
Like...
TILLY, LUKE AND EMILY
Arf, Arf, rough, rough, woof.
TRACK 23 ENDS
PEPPERMINT
Curses! Forced to accept my fate as a creature of wisdom and
insight whom no one will ever understand. Trapped in this lonely
life of...OOOH!, I really need to chew that tissue!
(PEPPERMINT runs offstage as the lights
restore fully to the classroom, and the
music changes back.)
START TRACK 24
MRS. MOONEYSo... why should I trust you, Tilly? How do I know you're not
just going to trick me again?
TILLY
Mrs. Mooney, I promise you, I’m a new kid. Please believe me.
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MRS. MOONEY
I don’t know...
TILLY
Please? I mean, how are we supposed to learn or change if nobody
gives us a second chance?
TRACK 24 ENDS
MRS. MOONEY
Well... alright. But if this candy is hot, you’re going to be in
big, big trouble.
TILLY
I understand.
(Slowly, MRS. MOONEY brings the candy to her
mouth. Everyone is tense and on the edge oftheir seat - is TILLY pulling a trick? Just
as she is about to put it in her mouth, she
stops. She eyes TILLY again. Then she pops
it in.)
START TRACK 25
MRS. MOONEY
IT’S GOOD!
YUM YUM YUM IT’S SO SO SWEET!
IT’S GOOD!GIVE ME FIFTY MORE TO EAT!
I DON’T CARE IF I SPOIL MY DINNER
AND MY TEETH ALL ROT
THIS IS SO DELICIOUS
AND NOT HOT!
YUM YUM! YUM YUM!
(Everyone leaves the stage except TILLY who
addresses us as the music continues--)
TILLY
I really did love being a trickster. And it’s hard to give up
something you love. It’s hard to break a habit. But it’s worth
it. I really do feel a lot better. Yup, my days of being a
trickster are done. I mean... at least until tomorrow! Heh heh
heh.
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(TILLY grabs her guitar as the lights
change)
NA NA NA NA YEAH MY TRICKS ARE HIST’RY.
HAVEN’T YOU MISSED ME? TILLY THE FRIEND?
(We are now onstage at a concert)
OFFSTAGE VOICE
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome: Stuck. In. Reverse!
(EMILY and LUKE join TILLY with their
instruments. TILLY's MOM and TILLY's DAD
sing back up, PEPPERMINT shakes a
tambourine. Maybe TEDDY's even there shakin'
his booty.)
ALL BUT TILLY
NA NA NA NA, YOUR TRICKS MAKE US SMILE, YEAH
ONCE IN A WHILE BUT NOT ALL THE TIME
We love you!
NA NA NA NA YOUR TRICKS MAKE US SMILE, YEAH
ONCE IN A WHILE BUT NOT ALL THE TIME
TILLY EVERYONE ELSE
BUT STAY ALERT OOHJUST IN CASE OOH
CAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW AHH
WHEN YOU’LL BE PIED IN THE FACE AHH
ALL
TILLY THE TRICKSTER
AND TILLY THE FRIEND
IN PERFECT BALANCE
THE END!
NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA
(Blackout)
TRACK 25 ENDS
END OF MUSICAL
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- SCORE SAMPLER -
Molly Shannon’s
Book by JEREMY DOBRISH
Music and Lyrics by DREW FORNAROLA
Based on the book TILLY THE TRICKSTER
By Molly Shannon
570 Seventh Avenue, Suite 2100
New York, NY 10018
866-378-9758 toll-free
212-643-1322 fax
www.theatricalrights.com
Like us!
Follow us!
www.facebook.com/TheatricalRightsWorldwide @theatricalright
6/17/13
The materials contained herein are copyrighted by the authors, are not for sale, and may only be used
for the single specifically licensed live theatrical production for which they were originally provided.
Any other use, transfer, reproduction or duplication including print, electronic or digital media
is strictly prohibited by law.
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?
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- - - -
Everyone Loves My TricksBook by Jeremy Dobrish
Music & Lyrics by Drew Fornarola
#1
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?
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new!
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Gsus4
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Pno.
21
21
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Tricks are surp ris ing and
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un ex pec ted. They're
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G
- - - - -
24
œ
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ne ver e ver blah.
F Bb/F F
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Tricks are the best when they
C
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go un de tec ted un
Bb
- - - - - -
2 #1 Everyone Loves My Tricks
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71/85
?
Pno.
28
œ
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til the big a ha!
28
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No one sees them
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com ing til the
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Pno.
32
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mo ment it all32
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/G
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clicks. Yes!
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Fadd2
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Pno.
34
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ev 'ry one loves my
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F/A G/B
- -
3#1 Everyone Loves My Tricks
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72/85
?
Pno.
37
œ Œ Ó
tricks.37 œ œ
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w
C
TILLY: "Tricks are my friends. Oh and speaking of friends, I do have two super cool,
super awesome, superduper ones. There's Emily..."
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41
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TILLY: "Emily has a heart of gold, but she always
uses big words that nobody understands."
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EMILY: "Salutations Tilly! I believe youmean I'm surpassingly perspicacious."
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Pno.
45
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TILLY: "See what I mean? Oh, and then there's Luke...""
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LUKE: "Hey, T!"
TILLY: Luke is...he's like..."
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4 #1 Everyone Loves My Tricks
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73/85
?
Pno.
49
œ œ œ œ œ œ
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LUKE: "Hey, did you know that dinosaur farts were so hot, they caused the atmosphere to burn up..."
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53
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LUKE: "...and then all the dinosaurs died? From their farts! True Story."
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TILLY: "He's like that
[GO ON to m. 58]
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58
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We
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EMILY:
LUKE:
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both love Til ly's tricks.
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both love Til ly's tricks.
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make us laugh out loud.
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-
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5#1 Everyone Loves My Tricks
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V
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4
4
4
Tenor
Piano
Ÿ~~~~~~ Ÿ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.
.
U
CUE:
MOM: "Honey, you're late!"
DAD: "Wah!"
TILLY: "Tricked you, Dad!" [PLAY]
Goofy Dad Waltz q = 120
F
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Morn ings
.
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DAD:
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stink.
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- - - -
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7
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- - - -
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12
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pas ses gas.
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- - - - -
#3 Mornings Stink
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8/20/2019 Tilly The Trickster Perusal
75/85
V
&
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Pno.
17
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stink. I
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Pno.
22
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some times get to22
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take a nap or
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read a book and
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think.
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27
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aw ful. There's27
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al most per fume in the
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bout the days when
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- - - - - -
2 #3 Mornings Stink
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76/85
V
&
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4
4
4
Pno.
32
œ
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j
life was calm. And
32
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poco rit.
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I had hair.
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which I'm
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dramatic rall.
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Pno.
37
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- - - -- -
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Pno.
42
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stink like my42
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breath af ter Chi
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pull back
- - - -
3#3 Mornings Stink
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77/85
?
bbb
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b
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c
c
c
Piano
Ó Œ œ
It's
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Fast! q=140 MRS. MOONEY:
CUE:
(TILLY hands MRS. MOONEY a candy. She pops it in her mouth.)
MRS. MOONEY: "Hmm, this doesn't taste sweet. It tastes like--Yooooowwwww!!! [PLAY]
ƒ
("opera-esque")
F . Œ
hot!
‰
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. œ œ œ œ œ œ œ
Ah oo ee oo ow ow ow! It's
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Pno.
4
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hot!
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.
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Ah oo ee oo ho - ly cow!
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Ab
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.
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I ex-pec - ted some- thing sweet and
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Pno.
7
.
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sa - vor-y but this is not.
7
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Ah oo ee it burns! It burns! It's
‰ j ‰ j ‰ j ‰ j
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F m/Ab
Bb
œ
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Ó
hot!
‰ j‰ j‰ j‰ j
œ
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Eb
LUKE:
"We gotta get this on youtube!"
‰ j‰ j œ œ
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#5 It's Hot!
-
8/20/2019 Tilly The Trickster Perusal
78/85
?
b
b
b
b
b
b
b
b
b
Pno.
11
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Oh the hu -man - i - ty! My
11
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head is gon - na blow! I
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need a bot - tled wa - ter. I
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