Download - Wedding Secrets!
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Wedding Secrets
For Your Special Day
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Table of Contents
The Secret Formula 3
Origins of the Term ‘Honeymoon’ 4
Tips for Trying on Wedding Gowns 4
A Room with a View 5
Feed On These Wedding Favor Ideas 6
Beat the Clock 7
17 Things To Consider 8
Wedding Music Pointers 10
Musical Recommendations 11
Make a Grand Entrance 12
Origins of Bridal Customs 13
The Toast 14
It’s All About The Dress 15
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THE SECRET FORMULA
Suppose you’re at a wedding reception, and the guests are just not into it. There’s only a
couple people on the dance floor, several tables are empty, and people seem more
interested in standing around than busting a move. Other weddings you’ve attended
seemed far more energetic. You may assume the DJ is just not very good. That is a
possibility.
Then again, it could be because . . .
The wedding party members do not know each other very well, and thus they are a
little reserved about interacting with each other.
The reception is scheduled from 3 until 9 and takes place at the end of June, when
daylight hours are at their peak. There is beautiful sunshine streaming onto the dance
floor through the reception hall’s floor-to-ceiling windows, making people feel like
they are too visible to comfortably cut loose a bit.
It is a beautiful day, so many of the guests have decided to go outside and sit on the
patio and enjoy the weather or the view. Those who could be dancing are otherwise
occupied.
The bride and groom are not really party people and would rather just mingle with
their guests. As a result, guests follow their lead.
The couple has given their DJ a restrictive must play and do not play list (and that is
why you keep hearing all of those unfamiliar songs, too fast for slow dancing, too
slow for fast dancing).
There are behind-the-scenes dynamics in play—maybe a divorce between the bride’s
parents, who are still uncomfortable being in the same room with each other, or
maybe the groom’s side of the family is not really sold on this whole marriage thing
yet. When guests feel tension, they are less likely to enjoy themselves.
Your initial hunch may be right: The DJ is inexperienced, and even though his iPad
has 10,000 songs loaded on it and his equipment is top of the line, he has not figured
out the right combination of songs and sayings to motivate this particular crowd.
There is a secret formula for shaping a good party into a great party. Think of Kool-Aid.
If you’re making that age-old thirst quencher, you need the water, the sugar, and the little
magic powder. If any one of them is missing, it’s just not Kool-Aid. Wedding receptions
and other events are much the same. Your entertainment, your guests, and your wedding
party all play a role in making the reception the memorable event you envisioned it to be.
Throughout the pages of this booklet you will find tips and secrets, compiled from
professionals in the industry, that will help make your wedding day extra special and
enjoyable, plus other interesting wedding trivia and suggestions to make your journey to
that day more entertaining as well.
HappyqPlanning!
Michael J. Lenstra—Alexxus Entertainment
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ORIGINS OF THE
TERM "HONEYMOON"
It has become tradition for married
couples to jet off on a post-wedding
vacation. This honeymoon is a way
for the bride and groom to enjoy
quiet time together and start off their
married life together on an intimate
level. Although the word
"honeymoon" has happy
connotations today, the original
meanings of the word may not be so
blissful. There are varying accounts
of the evolution of the word
"honeymoon," but many believe it to
be a Norse tradition deriving from
the word "hjunottsmanathr."
Northern European history describes
women being abducted from their
families and forced into marriage
with a man from a neighboring
village. This husband would take his
new bride into hiding and stay there
for a while until it was certain the
bride's family had given up the hunt
and retreated. It was also tradition
for Scandinavian couples to drink a
sweet, honey-infused wine known as
mead for a month after getting
married. This may be where the
"honey," for the sweet drink, and
the"moon," for the one-month period
of time, originated. Others say
"honeymoon" refers to a sarcastic
quip that a marriage starts out sweet
as honey, but then wanes much as
the moon will each cycle.
TIPS FOR TRYING ON
WEDDING GOWNS
Many brides-to-be look forward to the
day when they visit a bridal salon and
are able to try on gowns for the first
time. There are certain tips that can
make the day go much more smoothly
and potentially reduce the amount of
time it may take to find the perfect
gown.
• Wear a supportive, well constructed
strapless bra or corset in your correct
size. If you will be wearing a petticoat,
also have the right size available.
• Go without face makeup when trying
on gowns so they remain clean.
• Try to wear your hair similar to the
style you have in mind for your
wedding.
• Note that the size of the wedding
gown you will wear is typically one to
two sizes larger than your day-to-day
clothes. Proper measurements can be
matched to designers' size charts.
• It's best to limit the number of people
with whom you shop to 1 or 2 trusted
friends or family members. An
entourage can be confusing.
• It's always better to order a slightly
larger gown and leave room for
alterations if you are between sizes.
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Wedding Tip
A ROOM WITH A VIEW
When most couples begin to plan their wedding, one of the first items on
the agenda is securing a site for their reception. Some typical factors
couples consider when doing this are (1) the site’s capacity, (2) the site’s
décor, and (3) the site’s price. However, it’s also important to choose a
banquet facility that will play into the type of party you want to have.
Maybe you want a high-energy party. Maybe you prefer a warm, peaceful
atmosphere. The banquet hall you select can actually have an impact.
Consider the following issues when planning which site to choose:
What size is the room? Try to find a facility that matches your
expected capacity. If you find a beautiful and affordable facility that
seats 500 people and you are only expecting 125 guests, the extra
space may make it difficult to build energy in the room. Emptiness
kills a party.
A beautiful location overlooking the lake or the valley is a
wonderful backdrop. However, be aware that your guests may decide
to spend the afternoon/evening enjoying the view and socializing,
which is fine unless you were hoping everyone would spend the
evening on the dance floor contributing to a great party. It’s hard for
the musical entertainment to motivate people to dance if the guests are
out on the deck. A bride shouldn’t feel upstaged on her day by her
banquet facility’s stunning view.
In general, drinkers are dancers. For this reason, it is a good idea
to have your bar, dance floor, and entertainment all located in one area
of the room. Some couples “split their crowd’ by having the bar at one
end of the room (or worse, in another room) and their entertainment at
the other. Even if you hire the best entertainment money can buy, it
still may be no match for free beer!
Think of your guests as vampires who will disappear in sunlight.
Keeping the lights a bit dim will make your guests more active. A
beautiful location with floor to ceiling windows may be ideal for
pictures and dinner, but if they are located along the dance floor the
extra light they allow in makes people feel more visible, and thus
more apprehensive to cut loose on the dance floor . Be sure to check if
the banquet hall you are considering has controlled lighting so you
can adjust the darkness, or if the lights simply turn on or off.
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FEED ON THESE WEDDING FAVOR IDEAS
Do you have a shelf or cabinet that's filled to the brim with
wedding favors such as engraved ice cream scoopers, cake
servers, cheese spreaders or tea light candle holders? If you
do, you're not alone. As couples pore over guest favor
options, many select trinkets or knickknacks that, while
thoughtful, end up collecting dust in someone's home. Edible
gifts also can be thoughtful -- and flavorful!
Guests may look forward to an edible favor because it's a
memento of the special occasion and it won't become a
permanent fixture in their homes. There are many edible
favors from which to choose. They can also be customized
according to the theme of the wedding.
Chocolate—It's difficult to find an edible favor more universally beloved than
chocolate. Rich and inviting, chocolate has long been given as a symbol of love
and devotion. Chocolate candies and baked goods can work well for wedding
favors, provided the favors are refrigerated to avoid melting.
Ideas for chocolate favors include individually packaged truffles, gourmet
brownie bites, candy-covered chocolates with an inscription, chocolate covered
apples, chocolate coins, and other similar creations. Chocolate molded designs
(much like those chocolate Easter bunnies) are another idea.
Cookies—Sweet cookies also make good edible favors. Butter cookies are a
favorite because they are sturdy enough to cut into different shapes.
Professionally iced, these cookies can be a masterpiece to behold. Some couples
opt for customized fortune cookies that express personalized sentiments to guests.
Make-your-own—Sometimes it's less expensive to give guests kits that they can
take home to create their own edible treasures. Options abound and can include
everything from personalized packets of hot chocolate to tea bags. Other couples
choose among mixes for making cookies or cakes.
Candies—It has become popular to have a self-serve candy bar at many
weddings. Guests are invited to step up to the display and serve themselves from
a series of different confections. Autumn weddings could have Halloween-
inspired candies or those in fall hues. It's easy to follow a color theme when you
have a bevy of different candies at your disposal. Many discount stores sell
inexpensive jars and candy dishes to house the candy. Designer Chinese takeout-
type containers are available from craft stores and can be the perfect way for
guests to make that candy portable.
Other edibles—From cupcakes to maple syrup to personalized bottles of
barbecue sauce, couples have so many options for guest favors at their disposal.
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Wedding Tip
BEAT THE CLOCK
While a wedding should have a certain amount of
spontaneity, it also needs structure. Photographers, caterers,
guests—all expect certain things to happen at certain times.
One of the best ways to keep things moving as planned is to
create a timeline for your wedding day and stick to it. A good
rule to follow is this:
Running 10 minutes behind schedule is understandable, 20 minutes is excusable,
but 30 minutes is intolerable.
Working without a schedule leads to a lot of standing around and waiting, which
creates a lot of antsy and/or bored wedding party members and guests. That starts the
reception off on the wrong foot. Try to plan out everything you want to do and leave
time for it. If you want to stop for a drink before the reception or have plans to gather
at a special spot, arrange for the reception or meal to start a little later so guests are
aware. That’s far better than having guests impatiently wondering where you are.
Think of your wedding day as a train: It may start out slowly, but the longer it travels
the more steam it picks up until it’s charging ahead full steam on its way to reaching
the ultimate goal: arriving at the station on time. If the train comes to a stop at any
point, however, it’s much tougher to get it moving again. In the same way, the
relative quiet and time spent getting ready with family and friends in the morning
will build throughout the wedding, the dinner, and finally reach full steam on the
dance floor for a great finale. Avoiding unexpected “stops” can keep the momentum
going.
Slowly, steadily, keep pushing forward.
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• Don't cram your entertainment out of the way -- your entertainer should be
seen. Powerful entertainers will work to get people on the dance floor but they
must be seen as part of the action, not just some side show.
• A party should end when it shouldn't end, not when it should. Ending a party
before it dies down leaves everyone with the impression the floor was packed all
night. It just feels better when people are left wanting more versus being
completely burned out.
•A "too small dance floor is better than one that is too big. The answer is simple
as it creates the illusion whether real or not that the floor is full. People are more
likely to dance when the crowd on the floor is dense than when they feel like the
only ones out there. Take it from the trade that knows about dancing and crowd
psychology not from the banquet manager selling you on why a huge floor is so
important. If people end up dancing on the carpet then great they end up dancing
on the carpet and the story of your floor being so packed people couldn't even fit
on the floor only further reinforces my point.
• Darker is better than lighter for dancing. People feel less of a spectacle, less
"on stage" when they think they're harder to see. That is why crime increases at
night as well -- and yes, when some people dance it is a crime. This one works
along the same lines of psychology as tip 4.
• Keep exit doors closed. Doors are inviting and you don't want to invite people
outside of the main room. Having them open allows more light into the room
which again works against the psychodynamics of the dance floor. Open doors
invite people to their cars in the parking lot. You want to keep their focus in the
reception room for as long as possible.
• Brides and Grooms should never stand by the exit door unless they want people
to leave. I have seen rooms drain guests one by one in a single file line. It is odd
to explain but when the "guests of honor" stand by the exit door it draws people
to them like a vacuum. Take my word for it keep away from the doors unless you
want people to leave and don’t make a habit of saying good bye to people while
you're on the dance floor. This too gets people in exit mode.
• This is a very general statement - Nicer places (country clubs, etc.) actually
make it harder, especially in the summer and fall months, to get people up and
moving because they are so pre-occupied enjoying the scenery. Think about it...
would you rather enjoy a cold beverage on a breezy deck outdoors amidst the
trees or a sweaty dance indoors? It isn't that the night can't be great but all things
being equal nicer venues pull from the floor potential. As a deejay I love playing
nicer events and usually do as that's my target market but it can't change simple
human nature. If you're having your party/reception at a really nice venue then
you'll just want to pay closer attention to some of these other factors to tip the
scales in your favor.
17 THINGS TO CONSIDER
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• Bars should always be in the main room. Preferably closer to
the dance floor but not in the way of any lines to the bar. If a bar
and/or desserts are put out of the main room then a huge percentage of potential
dancers are unavailable. Bars are like kitchens and they draw people to them. If
you can help it, don't make your dj wrestle with the draw of a bar.
• If you are going to shut the bar down for 30 minutes of say 6 hours, do it
during dinner. If you do it at say 11:30 then the party will more likely die out as
people will feel that it's time to go.
• Happy music keeps things going. Keep away from any negative vibes at all.
Keep the mood up up up.
• Respect the musical opinions of your local professionals. They do this for a
living. Be careful not to cut out all the "cliche" wedding music as you'll find this
will negatively impact the dance floor potential. People dance to what they
know. A wedding reception is not the time and place to prove to your friends
and family that you are into obscure music. You've got a lot of people from all
over your family tree that want to have a good time so let your deejay exercise
all his or her tools and really work his or her craft.
• Consider NOT doing a dollar dance. Why? The reason is that when the bride
and groom are doing this the guests realize they won't be seen slipping out the
door and it definitely stops the momentum of a rockin' party. If you must do
one, do it early on after the main dances and limit it to 3 songs maximum.
• People tend to remember the beginning and the end of an event. That's why
your deejay should do a strong grand introduction and play while your guests
are enjoying cocktails early on. This helps him (or her) to build rapport early on
and if done right it puts your DJ in a more powerful position to work your
crowd all night.
• It is best for any traditional events or speeches to be done and out of the way
before dancing begins. In addition, it is important for pictures of the bridal party
and bride and groom to be done, when at all possible, before the dancing begins.
As a deejay I have seen more parties lose steam because the bridal party is
having pictures taken after the bridal dance. Do all the pictures before. It may
cost you an extra hour earlier in the day but it will save you from losing a good
handful of guests early on.
• Do all you can to arrange your rehearsal dinner 2 nights before, NOT 1 night
before the reception. Why? I have seen many weddings where the bridal party
was burnt out from the night before and this can (not always) play a big factor
in building some inertia on the dance floor.
• If you have to cut corners don't compromise on the entertainment. My clients
never complain that they paid too much for my DJ services. Also, know that
experience is king -- I am a better wedding DJ after every event I do.
HELPFUL HINTS FROM PSYCHOLOGIST, ENTREPRENEUR EXPERT
AND MICHIGAN DJ DAN NICHOLS
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WEDDING MUSIC POINTERS
Brides and grooms have a few options when
it comes to the music played at their
ceremony and reception. Live musicians or
deejays are often the entertainment of choice.
When hiring the entertainment, there are
some important things to keep in mind.
The music of the wedding will set the tone
for the event and keep guests entertained
during key moments of the day. Musicians
will often work in conjunction with a the
banquet manager to be sure the reception moves along smoothly and sticks to the
schedule. Music will be played while guests are dining and when there are
opportunities for dancing.
It's essential to listen to or meet with musicians or deejays before hiring anyone
to ensure what they're offering will fit in with your wedding.
Provide the musical entertainment with some information to further help
the wedding go off without a hitch. This may include but not be limited to the
following:
• Names of all wedding party participants so they can be properly introduced.
• Name of the married couple, including pronunciation of the last name, if
necessary.
• The title of the couple's song.
• The titles of songs to be danced with mother/son or father/daughter.
• A listing of any preferred songs.
• The title of a "spotlight dance" song.
• Any music that is off-limits at the reception.
• Special announcements that should be made, such as mentioning a guest's
birthday or another special event involving guests.
• Whether a bouquet and garter toss will take place, and which songs should be
played during these traditions.
In most cases, wedding musicians are professionals who have handled
many weddings and are very accustomed to what should be done to make the
night a memorable one. Trust in the expertise of the musicians, and provide
guidance where necessary.
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MUSICAL RECOMMENDATIONS
The following lists include some basic standard songs to use at
various points in your wedding celebration, in case you’re having any
trouble coming up with a song on your own. Your DJ or band will also
be able to assist you in picking out the ideal music to fit your style.
Grand Entrance
• Celebration • Party Rock Anthem
• I Gotta Feeling • The Final Countdown
• Get the Party Started • We Like to Party
• The Star Wars Theme • Marry You
• Sirius (The Chicago Bulls Introduction) • Thunderstruck
Mother/Son Dance Father/Daughter Dance
• Simple Man • I Loved Her First
• What a Wonderful World • Landslide
• In My Life • Stealing Cinderella
• You Are The Sunshine of My Life • King of the World
• Through the Years • My Little Girl
Bouquet Toss Garter Toss
• Girls Just Want To Have Fun • Legs
• Ladies Night • Oh Yeah
• Single Ladies • Sexy and I Know It
• This One’s for the Girls • Mission Impossible Theme
• Lady Marmalade • Another One Bites The Dust
• It’s Raining Men • SexyBack
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Wedding Tip
MAKE A GRAND ENTRANCE
Here is an interesting fact: Teams that score the first touchdown in the Super Bowl go
on to win the game 75% of the time.
How, you might ask, does that relate to your wedding?
Simple answer: Start fast.
There are many ways to make an entrance, from simply announcing the couple to a
hushed room to choreographed routines set to a pulsating dance beat. Choosing the
right grand entrance shares a little of who you are, and is essential in getting your
party off on the right track. For example, a party rocking song will not only build
energy in the room, it will also draw your guests in and keep their attention. That will
help your wedding party feel much more at ease during their introductions. A quick
check of YouTube shows many wedding couples who have decided on a unique grand
entrance like a choreographed dance or a sports-themed introduction. You can modify
one of these ideas, or create something of your own. Maybe you want to be
introduced to the same theme music that the groom’s favorite sports team is
introduced to, or the theme from a certain movie or popular TV show. Maybe you
simply want to walk in as your name is called, or create a human train or tunnel, or do
something truly unique. What’s important is to have your guests’ attention from the
start.
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ORIGINS OF BRIDAL CUSTOMS
Chances are those who have attended a wedding have witnessed some popular
traditions take place. The bride wears a veil, a court of wedding attendants
accompanies the bride and groom, and birdseed, rice or flower petals are tossed.
But have you ever wondered why? The wedding customs are ripe with tradition
and harken back to days when superstition and myth often ruled the day.
• Bouquet: Nowadays, the bride carries a beautiful bouquet of flowers. But the
purpose of the bouquet held different meanings in the past. Saracen brides carried
orange blossoms for fertility. Others carried a combination of herbs and flowers to
ward off evil spirits with their aroma. Bouquets of dill were often carried, again
for fertility reasons, and after the ceremony, the dill was eaten to encourage lust.
• Bridesmaids: There may be arguments over dresses and how many bridesmaids
to have in a wedding party now, but in ancient times it was "the more the merrier."
That's because bridesmaids were another measure to keep the bride safe against
evil spirits. Essentially the bridesmaids were decoys for the spirits -- dressing like
the bride to confuse the spirits or maybe help deter them to leave the bride be.
• Wedding rings: Wearing of wedding rings dates back to ancient Egypt. The round shape of a ring symbolizes eternal love. The ring is worn on the fourth
finger of the left hand because it is believed this finger has a blood vessel that goes
directly to the heart.
• Wedding cake: The traditional wedding cake evolved from Roman times when
the cake was originally made from wheat. It was broken over the bride's head to
ensure fertility. All of the guests eat a piece for good luck. Single women used to
place a piece of wedding cake under their pillows in the hopes of finding their
own husbands.
• Father accompanying the bride: This tradition symbolizes that the bride's father
endorses the choice in husbands and is presenting his daughter as a pure bride to
that man.
• Kissing the bride: In older times, a kiss symbolized a legal bond. Therefore, the
bride and groom kissed to seal the deal on their betrothal.
There are many traditions surrounding a wedding that people simply accept. But
understanding their origins can make the ceremony more meaningful.
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Wedding Tip
THE TOAST
Depending on whether you are hearing it or giving it, the wedding toast may be a treat or may be
tricky. People can make toasts at any point before, during, or after your reception dinner—when
is not really important. What is important is that anyone who gives a toast does it with style. At
some weddings, the parents stand up, welcome everyone, and then deliver the most emotional
speech or the funniest stories that register with everyone. This is a far more effective ice breaker
than anything the DJ might come up with. On the flip side, there are weddings where people try
making a clever toast and get little more than painful winces and silence in response. Tom
Haibeck, a public speaker and toastmaster, has written a book, Wedding Toasts Made Easy
(www.weddingtoasts.com), that is chock full of great information to prepare anyone expected to
give a toast. Among the basic tips Tom provides:
Make it personal. Telling an anecdote about how you met the bride or groom might help guests
who are just meeting them for the first time that day get to know them as well. In addition, a
story about growing up together builds a connection that otherwise wouldn’t be there.
Keep it simple. When giving a toast, less is more. In most cases, a 3- to 5-minute speech is
good. If you fall outside that range, keep it on the shorter side. Speeches that ramble lose
everyone’s attention.
A little humor is a good thing. Nothing draws a crowd in like a funny bit, done in good taste.
Don’t simply tell jokes—often the funniest things come from everyday events. The more
original your presentation, the better.
Keep the embarrassing stories at home. A wedding toast is not the occasion to ‘punk’
someone. Inside jokes are also a no-no. It makes your audience feel uninvolved and it will
lose their attention. Remember, you should laugh with the bride and groom, not at them.
Don’t forget the toast! Many times a speaker will have the audience captivated with a great
speech leading up to a toast, but will sit down without ever saying, “Now, let’s raise our
glass for the new Mr. and Mrs. . . .”
Hold the microphone up to your chin! Sometimes speakers create a great toast or a hysterical
punch line, but the guests can’t hear them because the speakers hold the microphone down
near their chest—or lower. Or, caught up in the moment, they wave their arms around while
holding the microphone. Your belly button cannot talk. The closer the microphone is to your
chin, the better guests can hear you.
Feel free to share this page with your maid/matron of honor, best man, or anyone else that will be
handling the microphone at your wedding reception.
15
Wedding Tip
IT’S ALL ABOUT THE DRESS
People point to many things that make a wedding
reception stand out: the food, the music, the guests,
the decorations, what people are wearing. But there’s
a secret, an essential ingredient that makes an
ordinary wedding reception extraordinary. And the
secret is this:
It’s all about The Dress.
The Dress (code for the bride and groom) is a magnet for attention on your wedding
day; wherever it goes, the guests’ attention follows. If The Dress is outside enjoying
the view, so are most of the guests. If The Dress decides to leave the reception for a
while, so will the guests.
But if The Dress is on the dance floor, the guests will follow.
At some weddings, The Dress doesn’t arrive until two hours into the reception.
When that happens, guests get bored or antsy, because The Dress isn’t there to
guide them. At other weddings, the photographer wants to spend an extra hour or so
after dinner getting more photos. Again, those in attendance are expecting The
Dress, and if The Dress is absent, soon they will be, too. The most memorable
weddings happen when The Dress is present and taking part in many of the
activities.
Granted, your musical entertainment (DJ or band) is primarily responsible for
packing the dance floor. That is, after all, the main reason you hired them. But when
The Dress is working with the entertainment to ensure the guests get the most out of
the reception, it truly makes the milestone moment a memory forever.
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