6/13/15 7:14 PMWhy Procrastinators Procrastinate | Wait But Why

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ByTimUrban

WhyProcrastinatorsProcrastinate

pro-cras-ti-na-tion|prkrastnSHn,pr-|nountheactionofdelayingorpostponingsomething:yourfirsttipistoavoidprocrastination.

Whowouldhavethoughtthatafterdecadesofstrugglewithprocrastination,thedictionary,ofallplaces,wouldholdthesolution.

Avoidprocrastination.Soelegantinitssimplicity.

Whilewerehere,letsmakesureobesepeopleavoidovereating,depressedpeopleavoidapathy,andsomeonepleasetellbeachedwhalesthattheyshouldavoidbeingoutoftheocean.

No,avoidprocrastinationisonlygoodadviceforfakeprocrastinatorsthosepeoplethatarelike,ItotallygoonFacebookafewtimeseverydayatworkImsuchaprocrastinator!Thesamepeoplethatwillsaytoarealprocrastinatorsomethinglike,Justdontprocrastinateandyoullbefine.

Thethingthatneitherthedictionarynorfakeprocrastinatorsunderstandisthatforarealprocrastinator,procrastinationisntoptionalitssomethingtheydontknowhowtonotdo.

Incollege,thesuddenunbridledpersonalfreedomwasadisasterformeIdidnothing,ever,foranyreason.TheoneexceptionwasthatIhadtohandinpapersfromtimetotime.Iwoulddothosethenightbefore,untilIrealizedIcouldjustdothemthroughthenight,andIdidthatuntilIrealizedIcouldactuallystartthemintheearlymorningonthedaytheyweredue.ThisbehaviorreachedcaricaturelevelswhenIwasunabletostartwritingmy90-pageseniorthesisuntil72hoursbeforeitwasdue,anexperiencethatendedwithmeinthecampusdoctorsofficelearningthatlackofbloodsugarwasthereasonmyhandshadgonenumbandcurledupagainstmywill.(Ididgetthethesisinno,itwasnotgood.)

Eventhisposttookmuchlongerthanitshouldhave,becauseIspentabunchofhoursdoingthingslikeseeingthispicturesittingonmydesktopfromapreviouspost,openingit,lookingatitforalongtimethinkingabouthoweasilyhecouldbeatmeinafight,thenwonderingifhecouldbeatatigerinafight,thenwonderingwhowouldwinbetweenalionandatiger,andthengooglingthatandreadingaboutitforawhile(thetigerwouldwin).Ihaveproblems.

Tounderstandwhyprocrastinatorsprocrastinatesomuch,letsstartbyunderstandinganon-

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6/13/15 7:14 PMWhy Procrastinators Procrastinate | Wait But Why

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procrastinatorsbrain:

Prettynormal,right?Now,letslookataprocrastinatorsbrain:

Noticeanythingdifferent?

ItseemstheRationalDecision-MakerintheprocrastinatorsbrainiscoexistingwithapettheInstantGratificationMonkey.

Thiswouldbefinecute,eveniftheRationalDecision-Makerknewthefirstthingabouthowtoownamonkey.Butunfortunately,itwasntapartofhistrainingandhesleftcompletelyhelplessasthemonkeymakesitimpossibleforhimtodohisjob.

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6/13/15 7:14 PMWhy Procrastinators Procrastinate | Wait But Why

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6/13/15 7:14 PMWhy Procrastinators Procrastinate | Wait But Why

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Thefactis,theInstantGratificationMonkeyisthelastcreaturewhoshouldbeinchargeofdecisionshethinksonlyaboutthepresent,ignoringlessonsfromthepastanddisregardingthefuturealtogether,andheconcernshimselfentirelywithmaximizingtheeaseandpleasureofthecurrentmoment.HedoesntunderstandtheRationalDecision-MakeranybetterthantheRationalDecision-Makerunderstandshimwhywouldwecontinuedoingthisjog,hethinks,whenwecouldstop,whichwouldfeelbetter.Whywouldwepracticethatinstrumentwhenitsnotfun?Whywouldweeveruseacomputerforworkwhentheinternetissittingrighttherewaitingtobeplayedwith?Hethinkshumansareinsane.

Inthemonkeyworld,hesgotitallfiguredoutifyoueatwhenyourehungry,sleepwhenyouretired,anddontdoanythingdifficult,youreaprettysuccessfulmonkey.Theproblemfortheprocrastinatoristhathehappenstoliveinthehumanworld,makingtheInstantGratificationMonkeyahighlyunqualifiednavigator.Meanwhile,theRationalDecision-Maker,whowastrainedtomakerationaldecisions,nottodealwithcompetitionoverthecontrols,doesntknowhowtoputupaneffectivefighthejustfeelsworseandworseabouthimselfthemorehefailsandthemorethesufferingprocrastinatorwhoseheadhesinberateshim.

Itsamess.Andwiththemonkeyincharge,theprocrastinatorfindshimselfspendingalotoftimeinaplacecalledtheDarkPlayground.*

TheDarkPlaygroundisaplaceeveryprocrastinatorknowswell.Itsaplacewhereleisureactivitieshappenattimeswhenleisureactivitiesarenotsupposedtobehappening.ThefunyouhaveintheDarkPlaygroundisntactuallyfunbecauseitscompletelyunearnedandtheairisfilledwithguilt,anxiety,self-hatred,anddread.SometimestheRationalDecision-Makerputshisfootdownandrefusestoletyouwastetimedoingnormalleisurethings,andsincetheInstantGratificationMonkeysureashellisntgonnaletyouwork,youfindyourselfinabizarrepurgatoryofweirdactivitieswhereeveryoneloses.**

6/13/15 7:14 PMWhy Procrastinators Procrastinate | Wait But Why

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AndthepoorRationalDecision-Makerjustmopes,tryingtofigureouthowheletthehumanhessupposedtobeinchargeofenduphereagain.

Giventhispredicament,howdoestheprocrastinatorevermanagetoaccomplishanything?

Asitturnsout,theresonethingthatscarestheshitoutoftheInstantGratificationMonkey:

6/13/15 7:14 PMWhy Procrastinators Procrastinate | Wait But Why

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ThePanicMonsterisdormantmostofthetime,buthesuddenlywakesupwhenadeadlinegetstoocloseorwhentheresdangerofpublicembarrassment,acareerdisaster,orsomeotherscaryconsequence.

6/13/15 7:14 PMWhy Procrastinators Procrastinate | Wait But Why

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TheInstantGratificationMonkey,normallyunshakable,isterrifiedofthePanicMonster.Howelsecouldyouexplainthesamepersonwhocantwriteapapersintroductorysentenceoveratwo-weekspansuddenlyhavingtheabilitytostayupallnight,fightingexhaustion,andwriteeightpages?WhyelsewouldanextraordinarilylazypersonbeginarigorousworkoutroutineotherthanaPanicMonsterfreakoutaboutbecominglessattractive?

AndthesearetheluckyprocrastinatorstherearesomewhodontevenrespondtothePanicMonster,andinthemostdesperatemomentstheyenduprunningupthetreewiththemonkey,enteringastateofself-annihilatingshutdown.

Quiteacrowdweare.

Ofcourse,thisisnowaytolive.Evenfortheprocrastinatorwhodoesmanagetoeventuallygetthingsdoneandremainacompetentmemberofsociety,somethinghastochange.Herearethemainreasonswhy:

6/13/15 7:14 PMWhy Procrastinators Procrastinate | Wait But Why

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1)Itsunpleasant.FartoomuchoftheprocrastinatorsprecioustimeisspenttoilingintheDarkPlayground,timethatcouldhavebeenspentenjoyingsatisfying,well-earnedleisureifthingshadbeendoneonamorelogicalschedule.Andpanicisntfunforanyone.

2)Theprocrastinatorultimatelysellshimselfshort.Heendsupunderachievingandfailstoreachhispotential,whicheatsawayathimovertimeandfillshimwithregretandself-loathing.

3)TheHave-To-Dosmayhappen,butnottheWant-To-Dos.EveniftheprocrastinatorisinthetypeofcareerwherethePanicMonsterisregularlypresentandhesabletobefulfilledatwork,theotherthingsinlifethatareimportanttohimgettinginshape,cookingelaboratemeals,learningtoplaytheguitar,writingabook,reading,orevenmakingaboldcareerswitchneverhappenbecausethePanicMonsterdoesntusuallygetinvolvedwiththosethings.Undertakingslikethoseexpandourexperiences,makeourlivesricher,andbringusalotofhappinessandformostprocrastinators,theygetleftinthedust.

Sohowcanaprocrastinatorimproveandbecomehappier?SeePart2,HowToBeatProcrastination.

*AlotofyouareprobablyreadingthisarticlewhileintheDarkPlayground.

**IspenttwohoursintheDarkPlaygroundrightbeforeIdrewtheDarkPlaygrounddrawing,becauseIwasdreadinghavingtodrawthesignpost,whichIknewwouldbehardandtakeforever(whichitdid).

Whiletheyreruiningyourlife,youmightaswellcuddlewiththem:

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(Nospam,ever.Wepromise.)

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