Download - Worlds Funniest Proverbs
Crombie Jardine PUBLISHING LllVIITED
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BAI 2FJ www.crombiejardine.com
Originally published by Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited in paperback in 2004, 1-905102-02-X
This edition published in 2007 ISBN 978-1-906051-07-5
Copyright© 2004, Crombie Jardine Publishing Limited
All rights are reserved. No prut of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording or othetwise, without the prior written pe1mission of the publisher.
Original concept and compilation by Crombie Jru·dine Printed & bound in China
CONTENTS
School Days page 1 Chinese proverbs page 7 Life page 11 Professions page 37 Work page 45 Drink page 51 Getting Old page 61 Death page 69 Wise Men page 73 Fools page 81 Bravery & Cowardice page 87 It's All in the Mind page 89 Tomorrow page 93 Patience page 97 Pessimism page 99 Truth&Lies page 103 Money page 109 Happiness page 115 Friends & Foes page 119 Women page 127 Men page 131 Marriage page 133 God & the Devil page 141 P.C. Proverbs page 149
A secondary school teacher made a list of
some well known proverbs and gave the class
the first half of the proverbs, so that they
could complete the sayings. Here's what they
came up with:
AS YOU Ma!Ge YOUJ\3 BeD so
SH9LL YOU ... Mess it UP.
Bettel\3 to Be sare tHaN ...
Hit a teacHel\3.
YOU CaN Leao a HOJ6Se
to watel\3 But ... HOW?
2
DON't Bite tHe HaND tHat ...
LOOIGS DiBtY.
A MiSS iS as GOOD as a ... MB.
¥OU CaN't teaCH aN
OLD DOG ... MatHS.
THe PeN iS MiGHtieB
tHaN tHe ... PiGS.
AN iDLe MiND iS ...
tHe Best wa¥ to BeLax.
THeBe'S NO SMO!Ge
WitHOUt ... POLLUtiON.
3
A PeNN¥ saveD ...
iS NOt MUCH.
TWO'S COMP8N¥. tHJoee·s ...
tHe MUSKietee1os.
L8UGH aND tHe WOJoLD L8UGHS WitH
¥OU. Clo¥ 8ND ... ¥OU MUSt BLOW
¥0Ulo OWN Nose.
CHiLDJoeN SHOULD Be seeN
aND NOt ... SM8CKieD Olo GJoOUNDeD.
WHeN tHe BLiND
LeaoetH tHe
BLiND ... Best Get
out Of' tHe WH¥.
4
NeveB UNDeBeStiMate tHe
POWeB Of ... teBMites.
NO News iS ...
iMPOSSiBLe.
Love aLL. tBUSt ... Me.
DON't PUt Off tiLL tOMOBBOW
WHat ... YOU Put ON to GO to BeD.
NONe aBe so BLiND as ...
Stevie WONDeB.
If at fiBSt YOU DON't succeeD ...
Get New BatteBies.
5
PeOPLe iN GLass
Houses SHOULDN't ...
JoUN aJoOUND NaKieD.
THeJoe's NO
FOOL LiKie ...
UNCLe JOHNNY.
6
BaseBaLL WBONG:
M8N WitH fUUB B8LLS
C8NNOt W8LKi.
CBOWDeD eLevatoB SMeLL
DiffeBeNt to MiDGet.
M8N WHO faBt iN CHUBCH
Sit iN OWN pew.
M8N WHO BUN iN fBONt
Of caB Get tiBeD.
M8N WHO BUN BeHiND caB
Get exHausteo.
8
MaN WitH HaND iN POC!Get
feeL COCIGY aLL DaY.
MaN WHO waLIG tHBOUGH
aiBPOBt tUBNStYLe SiDeways
GOiNG to BaNGIGOIG.
MaN WHO fiGHt WitH Wife aLL DaY
Get NO Piece at NiGHt.
MaN WHO DBiVe Li!Ge HeLL
BOUND to Get tHeBe.
MaN WHO uve iN GLass House NeeD
to CHaNGe CLOtHeS iN BaseMeNt.
MaN WHO DBOP watCH iN tOiLet
BOUND to Have CBaPPY tiMe.
9
M8N WHO waNt PBettY
NUBSe MUSt Be PatieNt.
M8N WHO PUSH Pi8NO DOWN
MiNeSHaf't Get A f'Lat MiNeB.
PaSSiONate IGiSS Li!Ge SPiDeB'S weB:
SOON Leao to UNDOiNG Of' f'L¥.
ViBGiNitY Li!Ge BUBBLe:
ONe PBiCIG aLL GONe.
10
42% of aLL statistics
a1oe MaDe uP.
(ANON)
ABiLitY iS WHat YOU aloe aBLe to DO.
MOtivatiON DeteBMiNes WHat
you Do. attituDe DeCiDes HOW
weLL YOU DO it.
(ANON)
THe aaseNt a1oe aLways WBONG.
(ENGLiSH)
ACt as if YOU CaNNOt faiL
(SOUtH Af~iCa)
12
ALL GOOD tHiNGS COMe to
WHOevel\3 Gets tHe16e Fil6St.
(ANON)
ALW8¥S J6eMeMBel6: ¥0U'J6e UNiQUe.
Just UIG'e evel6¥0Ne eLse.
(ANON)
AN aNecoote iN tiMe
saves B016eDOM.
(ANON)
A 08¥ WitHOUt SUNSHiNe iS
Li!Ge ... NiGHt.
(ANON)
A CLeaN House iS tHe SiGN OF a
MiSSPeNt LiFe.
(ANON)
13
A CLeaB CONSCieNce iS USU8LL¥ tHe
SiGN OF a Bao MeM016¥.
(ANON)
A MaN SUBBOUNDeD B¥ P¥GMies
WiLL 8LW8¥S LOOIG BiG.
(ANON)
AMBitiON WitHOUt IGNOWLeDGe iS
Li!Ge a caNoe WitHOUt a P8DDLe.
(ANON)
AN aPPLe a 08¥ IGeeps tHe DOCtOB
away BeMeMBeB tHat tHe Next
tiMe ¥OU caN't Get aN aPPOiNtMeNt.
(ANON)
AN¥tHiNG WOBtH talGiNG seBiOUSL¥
iS WOBtH POIGiNG FUN at.
(ANON)
14
AS LONG as ¥0UB MiStaiGes aBe New
ONeS ¥OU caN aBGUe tHat ¥OU aBe
MalGiNG PBOGBeSS.
(ANON)
BOBeDOM iS tHe PBiCe ¥OU Pa¥ fOB
sta¥iNG out Of tBOUBLe.
(ANON)
CBaP OB Get Off tHe POt.
(AMe~iCaN)
DaNGeB aND DeLiGHt GBOW ON tHe
saMe staLIG.
(ENGLiSH)
DiSCiPLiNe iS MalGiNG tHe CHOiCe
BetweeN WHat ¥OU waNt NOW aND
WHat ¥OU waNt MOSt.
(ANON)
15
DO NOt fOLLOW tHe PatH;
GO WHe16e tHe16e iS NO PatH
aND BeGiN tHe tBaiL ...
(SOUtH Af~iCa)
DO NOt iNSULt tHe MOtHeB
aLLiGatoB UNtiL afteB ¥OU Have
CBOSSeD tHe BiVeB.
cHaitiaN)
DON't Bite tHe HaND tHat feeDS ¥OU.
THat's MaSOCHiStiC.
(ANON)
DO NOt waLIG BeHiND SOMeONe fOB
tHe¥ Ma¥ NOt LeaD. DO NOt waLIG
aHeaD Of tHeM. fOB tHe¥ Ma¥ NOt
fOLLOW. DO NOt waLIG BeSiDe tHeM.
eitHeB. Just Leave tHeM aLoNe.
(ANON) 16
DON't WOBB¥; it ONL¥ seeMS
pe1ove1oteD tHe fiBst tiMe.
(ANON)
ENSUBe ¥DUB KiitCHeN iS KiePt
CLeaN - eat out.
(ANON)
EVeB¥ONe Loves Justice iN tHe
8ff8iBS Of OtHeBS.
c1taliaN)
EXPeBieNce iS SOMetHiNG ¥OU Get
Just afte1o ¥OU NeeD it.
(ANON)
18
E¥es t1oust tHeMseLves But ea1os
t1oust otHe1os.
(Ge:BMaN)
FOJotUNe iS BLiND BUt NOt iNViSiBLe.
(FBeNCH)
GeNiUS iS ONe PeJoCeNt iNSPiJoatiON.
NiNet¥-NiNe PeJoCeNt PeJoSPiJoatiON.
(THOMas EDiSON)
GOOD JUDGMeNt COMeS fJoOM B8D
ex:PeJoieNce. 8ND a LOt Of tHat
COMes DiJoeCtL¥ fJoOM
B8D JUDGMeNt.
(ANON)
20
He WHO seBves two MasteBs Has
to ue to oNe.
('POBtUGUeSe)
He WHO LaUGHS Last HaSN't
Got aLL tHe facts.
(ANON)
He WHO see!GS tBOUBLe
NeveB Misses.
(ENGLiSH)
He WHO SMiLes iN a CBiSiS Has fOUND
SOMeONe to BLaMe.
(ANON)
I DON't IGNOW WHat aPatH¥ iS
aND I DON't caBe!
(ANON)
21
If a MaN ooes His aest.
wHat eLse is tHeBe?
(GeNeBaL GeOBGe s. PattON)
If at fiBst ¥Ou DON't succeeo.
CONSiDeB ¥0UBSeLf aveBaGe.
(ANON)
If at fiBst ¥Ou DON't succeeo.
PaBaCHUtiNG iS NOt tHe
SPOBt fOB ¥OU.
(ANON)
If we caNNOt Get WHat
we LiK'ie. Let us LiK'ie
wHat we Get. (SPaNiSH)
22
If YOU BeaLLY waNt to DO
SOMetHiNG. YOU'LL fiND a W9Y; W YOU
DON't. YOU'LL fiND aN excuse.
(ANON)
If YOU waNt to Be HeaBD.
speaKi UP. If YOU waNt
to Be seeN. staND UP. If YOU
waNt to Be aPPBeciateD.
Just SHUt UP.
(ANON)
INStiNCt iS StBONGeB tHaN
UPBBiNGiNG.
(I Bi SH)
1t is NeveB a GOOD iDea to test tHe
wateB WitH BOtH feet.
(ANON)
24
JeaLOUS¥ aND FeaB
Have BiG e¥es.
(SeBBiaN)
JOiN tHe ABM¥. Meet iNteBeStiNG
PeOPLe. IGiLL tHeM.
(ANON)
Just BeFoBe DaWN iS tHe DaBIGest
HOUB. so iF ¥ou·Be PLaNNiNG to
PiNCH ¥0UB NeiGHBOuB·s MiLIG.
tHat•s tHe tiMe to oo it.
(ANON)
L8UGH aND tHe WHOLe WOBLD L8UGHS
WitH ¥OU. CB¥ aND ¥OU CB¥ aLONe.
1t•s caLLeD FaiB-weatHeBeD.
(ANON)
25
LiFe iS WHat H8PP€NS WHeN YOU 816€
M81GiNG OtHeB PL8NS.
(JOHN LeNNON)
usteN to YOUB CONSCieNce
- tHe iNNeB voice tHat teLLS YOU
SOMeONe MiGHt Be watCHiNG.
(ANON)
M€DiOCBitY Has ceBtaiN
attBaCtiONS; it's MUCH Less
oeMaNDiNG tHaN success.
(ANON)
NeveB LeND YOUB caB to aNYONe to
WHOM YOU Have GiVeN BiBtH.
(EBMa BOMBeCIG)
27
NeveB BUB BaCIGSioes
WitH a POBCUPiNe.
(GHaNa)
PeBFect BeHaViOUB iS BOBN out OF
COMPLete iNDWFeBeNCe.
(OSCaB WiLDe)
Beauty iS MeBeLY a CBUtCH FOB
PeOPLe WHO caN't cope WitH DBUGS.
(ANON)
secuBitY iS aN iLLUSiON. LiFe iS
eitHeB a oaBiNG aoveNtuBe
OB it iS NOtHiNG at aLL.
(HeLeN KieLLeB)
28
SOMetiMeS YOU aBe tHe iNSeCt;
SOMetiMeS YOU aBe tHe
WiNDSCBeeN.
(ANON)
StBateGY iS BetteB
tHaN StBeNGtH.
(NiGeBia)
StBetCH YOUB HaNDS as faB as
tHeY BeacH. aND GBaB aLL
YOU CaN GBaB.
(NiGeBia)
THe eyes aeueve wHat tHeY see;
tHe eaBS WHat PeOPLe teLL tHeM.
(GeBM.aN)
30
THe JOUBNe¥ Of a tHOUSaND MiLes
staBtS WitH a BBOKieN faN BeLt.
(ANON)
THeBe's aN iNVeBse BeLatiONSHiP
BetweeN HOW GOOD SOMetHiNG iS
fOB ¥DU. aND HOW MUCH fUN it iS.
(CaLViN aND HOBB€S)
THeBe iS ONL¥ ONe PBett¥ CHiLD
iN tHe WOBLD. aND eveB¥
MOtHeB Has it.
(CHiNese)
THBee Ma¥ KieeP a secBet if
two of tHeM aBe oeao.
(B€NJaMiN FBaNIGLiN)
33
TOO MaN¥ COOIGS SPOiL tHe BBOtH.
Let SOMeONe eLse PBePaBe DiNNeB.
(ANON)
TBUe POWeB COMes rBOM a MiX Or
CO-OPeBatiON aND SiLeNCe.
(SOUt:iH Af BiCa)
WHeN tHe DOOB iS CLOSeD. LeaBN to
SLiDe aCBOSS tHe CBaCIG Or tHe SiLL.
(NiGeBia)
WHeN tHe Mouse LaUGHS at tHe cat.
tHeBe iS a HOLe NeaBB¥.
(NiGeBia)
34
waNt a tHiNG LONG eNOUGH
8ND ¥OU DON't.
(CHiNese)
weLL DONe iS BetteB
tHaN weLL saiD.
(B€NJaMiN FBaN~LiN)
¥OU caNNOt SHalGe H8NDS
WitH a CLeNCHeD fist.
(GaNDHi)
¥OU Have tHBee CHOiCes iN LiFe: Give
UP. Give iN. OB Give it ¥DUB 8LL!
(ANON)
36
A Bao COMPBOMiSe iS BetteB tHaN
a successfuL Law suit. (SPaNiSH)
A LaW¥eB'S fee aND a PBOStitute's
waGes aBe Paio iN aovaNce. (INDiaN)
A LaW¥eB'S OPiNiON iS WOBtH
NOtHiNG UNLess PaiD fOB. (ENGLiSH)
A PeasaNt aetweeN two Law¥eBs
is Li!Ge a fiSH aetweeN two cats. (ANON)
38
DiPLOM8C¥ iS tHe a1ot Of S8¥iNG
"Nice DOGGie". WHiLSt LOOIGiNG
fOJo a BiGGeJo StiCIG.
(ANON)
DOCtOJoS CLeaN tHe BOD¥.
MiNiSteJos tHe CONSCieNce. 8ND
L8W¥eJos tHe PUJoSe.
(Ge~MaN)
He tHat Loves tHe L8W WiLL
Get HiS fiLL Of it.
(SCOttiSH)
39
A DiPLOMat iS SOMeONe WHO
caN teLL YOU to GO to
HeLL aND Have YOU
actuaLLY LOOKiiNG
Fo1owa1oo to tHe tJoiP.
(ANON)
40
It iS BetteJo to eNteJo tHe MOUtH Or
a tiGeJo tHaN a COUJot Or Law.
(CHiNese)
It iS BetteJo to exist UNKiNOWN to
tHe Law aND LaW¥eJos.
(I Bi SH)
LaW¥eJos aND PaiNteJos caN SOON
CHaNGe BLaCKi to WHite.
(DaNiSH)
LaW¥eJos aND SOLDieJos aloe tHe
oevn..:s PLa¥Mates.
(G€16MaN)
41
New Laws aloe fOLLOWeD
BY New tBiCIGS.
(Ge:BMaN)
'ViBtue iS iN tHe MiDDLe:
saiD tHe DeViL. as He sat DOWN
aetweeN two LawYeBs.
(DaNiSH)
WHeN GOD waNteD to PUNiSH MaN He
iNVeNteD LaWYeBS.
(16USSiaN)
43
A oes!G WitHOUt PaPeBWOBIG iS a
SiGN OF ONe BOBN to DeLeGate.
(ANON)
A tiDY oes!G iS tHe SiGN OF a
DiStUBBeD MiND.
(ANON)
H8BD WOBIG NeveB HUBt aNYONe.
But tHeN WHY BiSIG it?
(ANON)
Ma!Ge SU16e YOU aBe NOt
iBBePLaceaBLe: w YOU caN't Be
BePLaceo. YOU CaN't Be PBOMOteo.
(ANON)
46
NOtHiNG iS so SiMPLe tHat it
CaNNOt Be SCJoeWeD UP.
(ANON)
OPPOBtUNit¥ iS MiSSeD B¥ MOSt
PeOPLe Because it is DBesseD iN
oveBaLLS 8ND LOOIGS LilGe WOBIG.
(THOMas EDiSON)
THeBe aBe two IGiNDS Or
PeOPLe iN Lire: PeOPLe WHO LilGe
tHeiB JOBS 8ND PeOPLe WHO DON't
WOBIG HeBe 8N¥ MOJoe.
(ANON)
48
WHeN YOU OWN YOUB OWN
BUSiNess, YOU ONLY Have
to WOBIG HaLF a DaY.
YOU caN DO aNYuHiNG YOU
waNt witH tHe otHeB
uWeLve HOUBS.
(ANON)
49
A C8SK'i Or WiNe WiLL WOJoK'i
MOJoe Milo8CLes tHaN a
CHUJoCH rULL Or saiNtS.
{ltiauaN)
A DJoiNK'i PJoeCeDes a StOJo¥.
{I Bi SH)
A DJciUNK'i M8N'S
WOJoDS a1oe a SOBeJo
M8N'S tHOUGHtS.
{ANON)
ALW8¥S DO SOBeJo WHat ¥OU saiD
¥0U'D DO DJoUNK'i. THat WiLL teaCH
¥OU to K'ieep ¥0Ulo MOUtH SHUt.
{EBNeSti HeMMiNGWaY)
52
BeeB iS PBOOf tHat
GOD Loves us aND waNtS
us to Be H8PP¥.
(B€NJaMiN FBaN~LiN)
FOOD WitHOUt WiNe
is LiKie a Da¥
WitHOUt SUNSHiNe.
c1uauaN)
GOOD as DBiNKi iS,
it eNDS iN tHiBSt.
(I Bi SH)
He WHO DBiNKiS ON
CBeDit WiLL Get
DBUNKi twice.
(S€BBiaN)
54
Give a MaN a fiSH aND
He Will eat fOB a oaY.
TeaCH HiM HOW to fiSH,
aND He Will Sit aeout iN
a Boat aND GUZZle
BeeB all DaY.
(ANON)
SS
If' 8LCOHOL iS a CBUtCH, tHeN
WHiSIC'.Je¥ iS tHe WHeeLCH8iB.
(ANON)
It iS sweet to DBiNIC'.J BUt
BitteB to P8¥ fUB.
(I Bi SH)
ONe DBiNIC'.J iS eNOUGH, two
DBiNIC'.JS aBe too M8N¥. tHBee
DBiNIC'.JS aBe NOt eNOUGH.
(POBuuGuese)
THe WiNe is sweet
BUt tHe P8¥MeNt SOUB.
(I Bi SH)
56
THe CHUBCH iS CLose BUt tHe
B08D iS iC¥; tHe Balo iS f'aB
But l'LL W8LI(; ca1oef'ULL¥.
(16USSiaN)
THe DBUNIGeN MaN'S
JO¥ iS USU8LL¥ tHe
SOBeB M8N'S BeGBet.
(DaNiSH)
THe DBUNIGeN MOUtH
Lets SUP tHe
Hea1ot·s sec1oets.
(GeBMaN)
57
THeBe al\3e M016e
OLD DBUNIC'.J8BDS tHaN
tHeBe al\3e OLD DOCtOBS.
(FBeNCH)
WHeN tHe DBiNIC'.J
Goes iN. tHe
secBets coMe out.
(ANON)
WHeN tHe DBiNIC'.J
iS iNSiDe.
tHe seNse
is outsiDe.
(l~iSH)
60
AGe iS a HiGH PBiCe to pay fOB
MatuBit¥.
(ANON)
AGe iS Just MiND oveB MatteB: if
YOU DON't MiND, it ooesN't MatteB.
(ANON)
A WOLf MiGHt Lose HiS teetH But
NOt HiS CHaBacteB.
(ANON)
BeiNG YOUNG iS a fauLt tHat
DiMiNiSHeS oaiL¥.
(SW€DiSH)
62
BY tiHe tiiMe YOU aJoe OLD
eNOUGH to 8PPBeCiate
YOUB PaBeNtS YOU Will
Have CHiLDBeN Of YOUB
OWN WHO tatGe YOU
fOB GB8NtieD.
(ANON)
64
If tHe YOUNG ONLY IGNeW ...
If tHe OLD ONLY COULD.
(FBeNCH)
INSiDe eve1oy OLDeJo PeJoSON iS a
YOUNGeJo PeJoSON ... WONDeJoiNG WHat
tHe HeLL HaPPeNeD.
(COBa HaBveY ABM.StBONG)
THe DiffeJoeNce aetweeN aDuLts
aND CHiLDJoeN iS tHat aDULtS DON't
as!G QUeStiONS.
(AM.eBiCaN)
THe MaN WHO views tHe WOJoLD at
so tHe saMe as He DiD at 20 Has
wasteD 30 yea1os of His Life.
(MUHaM.M.aD AU)
65
THe sec1oet Or iMMOBtaLit¥ iS
LiViNG a Lire WOBtH BeMeMBeBiNG.
(ANON)
we DO Not stop PLa¥iNG Because
we GBOW OLD, we GBOW OLD
Because we stop PLa¥iNG!
(B€NJaMiN FBaNIGLiN)
¥OUtH wastes awa¥. But
iMMatUBit¥ OrteN
Lasts a LiretiMe.
(ANON)
67
oeatH 8LW8¥S
COMeS too eaBL¥
OB too Late.
(ENGLiSH)
oeatH is Just
NatuBe teLLiNG ¥OU
to SLOW DOWN.
(ANON)
w ¥OU waNt to Die ¥DUNG. Ma!Ge
¥DUB DOCtOB ¥DUB HeiB.
(BOM.aNiaN)
It iS BetteB to Die LiViNG
tHaN to Live D¥iNG.
(ANON)
71
A B8D excuse iS BetteB tHaN NONe.
(SPaNiSH)
A BeuevaBLe ue is BetteB
tHaN a StUPiD fact.
c1taliaN)
A CLOSeD MOUtH catcHeS NO fUes.
c1tauaN)
AfteB 8LL iS 58iD 8ND DONe. MOBe iS
58iD tHaN DONe.
(ANON)
74
ANGeB iS tHe outCOMe
OF tHe tONGUe WOBIGiNG
FasteB tHaN tHe BBaiN.
(ANON)
BeFOBe YOU CBitiCiZe SOMeONe.
waLIG a MiLe iN tHeiB SHOes.
(THeN WHeN YOU DO CBitiCiZe tHeM.
YOU'Be a MiLe away aND YOU
Have tHeiB SHOeS.)
(ANON)
GOOD aDViCe iS OFteN aNNOYiNG.
BaD aDvice NeveB.
(FBeNCH)
He WHO GOSSiPS to YOU WiLL
GOSSiP aBOUt YOU.
(TUB~iSH)
76
It iS BetteB to CONCeaL
ONe's KiNOWLeDGe tHaN to
BeveaL ONe's iGNOBaNCe.
(SPaNiSH)
THe DiffeBeNCe aetweeN
GeNiUS aND StUPiDit¥ iS tHat
GeNiUS Has its LiMitS.
(ANON)
WHO KiNOWS MOSt SPeaKiS Least.
(SPaNiSH)
WiSDOM SHOULD NOt Be LiKie MONe¥.
tieD UP aND HiDDeN.
(GHaNa)
77
CBaf't¥ 8DViCe iS Of'teN
Got f'BOM a f'OOL.
{I Bi SH)
E8CH f'OOL iS Dif'f'eBeNt.
(GeBMaN)
EVeB¥ ass Loves to
HeaB HiMSeLf' BB8Y.
{ANON)
EVeB¥BOD¥ iS
iGNOB8Nt. ONL¥ ON
Dif'f'eBeNt SUBJects.
{WiLL BOGeBS)
83
w tHeleJe Wel6e NO
FOOLS. tHel6e WOULD
Be NO Wise MeN.
(Ge~MaN)
¥0UJ6 OWN
StUPiD actiONS
SHOULD NOt Be
CONFUSeD WitH Fate.
(ANON)
85
8 A cowaBD WiLL aLWa¥S
tHiNIC'.J WitH HiS LeGS.
(ANON)
AN OLD Bat iS a BBave Bat.
(FBeNCH)
1t is eas¥ to Be BBave
fBOM a DiStaNCe.
(Native AM.eBicaN)
It's NOt tHe Size Of tHe DOG iN tHe
fiGHt tHat MatteBs, it's tHe size of
tHe fiGHt iN tHe DOG!
(ANON)
88
A CLOSeD MiND
iS LiKie a CLOSeD BOOK,:
Just a BLOCK, OF WOOD.
(CHiNese)
GJoeat SPiJoitS
Have 8LW8¥S
eNCOUNteJoeD
ViOLeNt OPPOSitiON
FloOM MeDiOCJoe
MiNDS.
(ALBeBu EiNSueiN)
90
MaNaNa iS OfteN tHe
Busiest oay of tHe wee!G.
(SPaNiSH)
NeveB Put Off tiLL
tOMOBBOW WHat MaY Be DONe
tooa¥. DON't YOU IGNOW tHat
tOMOBBOW NeveB COMeS?
(ANON)
'ONe Of tHese D8YS' MeaNS
'NoNe of tHese oays·.
(ENGLiSH)
'PBOCBastiNatiON iS tHe
tHief Of tiMe.
(ANON)
94
1 DON't PUt Off till
uOMOBBOW WHat COULD
Be DONe toDaY.
WHY NOt Give YOUBSeLf
aNotHeB weeKi?
(ANON)
95
ALL tHiNGS COMe to tHOSe
WHO wait ... But tHe Best tHiNGS
WiLL Be ta!GeN BY tHOSe WHO
Get tHeBe flBSt.
(ANON)
THiNGS MaY COMe to tHOSe WHO
wait, BUt ONLY tHe tHiNGS Left BY
tHOSe WHO HUStLe.
(ABBaHaM LiNCOLN)
98
A PeSSiMiSt iS NeveB DiS9PPOiNteD.
(ANON)
He tHat Lives ON HOPe
WiLL Die faStiNG.
(NOBtH AM.eBiCaN)
THe NaiL tHat StiCIGS UP iS SUBe to
Be H9MMeBeD DOWN.
(JaPaNese)
THe PeSSiMiSt sees
DiffiCULt¥ iN eveB¥
OPPOBtUNit¥. THe OPtiMiSt
sees OPPOBtUNit¥ iN
eveB¥ DiffiCULt¥.
(WiNStON CHUBCHiLL)
100
THe Boao to success is aLways
UNDeB CONStBUCtiON.
(ABNOLD PaLM.eB)
THeBe iS NO seNse
iN BeiNG PeSSiMiStiC.
It WOULDN't WOBK'i 8NYW8¥.
(ANON)
YOU caNNOt UNSCBaMBLe eGGS.
(NOBtH AM.eBiCaN)
YOU'LL NeveB K'iNOW tHe WOBtH OF
tHe wateB tiLL tHe weLL Goes DB¥.
(SCOttiSH)
. ' ••
102
A Lie tBaveLS BOUND tHe
WOBLD WHiLe tBUtH iS StiLL
PUttiNG ON HeB BOOtS.
(FBeNCH)
A LittLe tBUtH WiLL HeLP
tHe Lie GO DOWN.
c1taliaN)
cBaftiNess Must Have
CLOtHeS But tBUtH LilG'eS
to GO NalG'eD.
(ENGLiSH)
104
If' ¥OU BeLieve eveB¥tHiNG ¥OU
Beao. BetteB Not Beao.
(JaPaNese)
ues NeveB settLe tHe Pa¥MeNt.
(CJcmatiaN)
ONCe iN a WHiLe ¥OU WiLL StUMBLe
UPON tHe tBUtH But MOSt Of us
MaNaGe to PiCIG OUBSeLves UP
8ND HUBB¥ 8LONG as if NOtHiNG
HaD H8PPeNeD.
(WiNStON CHUBCHiLL)
ONe Lie BUiNS a tHOUS8ND tBUtHS.
(SOUtH Af Bi Ca)
106
SPealG tHe tBUtH.
But tHeN Leave iMMeDiateLY.
(SLoveNia)
'THe¥ 69¥ so: iS H9LF a Lie.
c1uauaN)
TBUtH 9ND OiL WiLL 9LW9¥S Ma!Ge
tHeiB W9¥ to tHe SUBFace.
(SPaNiSH)
108
A PiG BOUGHt
ON CBeDit
iS fOBeVeB
GBUNtiNG.
(SPaNiSH)
DON't OffeB Me
aovice:
Give Me MONe¥.
(SPaNiSH)
110
w YOU tHiNIG NO-ONe caBes
wHetHeB you'Be DeaD OB auve.
tBY MiSSiNG a COUPLe Of
MOBtGaGe P9YMeNtS.
(ANON)
If BiCH PeOPLe COULD HiBe
OtHeB PeOPLe to Die fOB tHeM.
POOB PeOPLe WOULD Ma!Ge a
WONDeBfUL LiViNG.
(YiDDiSH)
111
LeND ¥0Ulo MONe¥ 8ND
Lose ¥ou1o f'JoieND.
(ENGLiSH)
MONe¥ 8ND tHe DeViL DO NOt 1oest.
(SeBBiaN)
Jo8tHeJo f'8iL
WitH HONOUJo tH8N
succeeo B¥ r1oauo.
(SOPHOCL€S)
TO Be JoiCH iS NOt
eve1o¥tHiNG. BUt it
ce1otaiNL¥ HeLPS.
(YiDDiSH)
113
THe QUiCkJest WHY
to DOUBLe ¥DUB MONe¥
iS to fOLD it iN H9Lf
9ND PUt it B9CkJ iN
¥DUB POCkJet.
(ANON)
£££££££££ ¥DUNG G9MBLeBs.
OLD BeGG9BS.
(Ge~M.aN)
114
H8PPiNess iS NOt H8ViNG WHat ¥OU
waNt. But waNtiNG WHat ¥OU Have.
(ANON)
Ta!Ge BiSIGS: w ¥DU WiN. ¥OU
WiLL Be H8PP¥; if ¥OU DON•t
¥DU WiLL Be Wise.
(ANON)
THe Less ¥OU UNDeBstaND. tHe
H8PPieB ¥OU WiLL Be.
(ANON)
¥DU caN tUBN DOLL8BS iNtO ceNtS.
OB seNse iNtO DOLL8BS. But NOt
DOLL8BS iNtO seNse.
(AMe~iCaN)
117
BetteB a fBieNDL¥ BefusaL tHaN
aN UNWiLLiNG accePtaNce.
(GeBM.aN)
BOtH ¥0Ul6 fBieND aND ¥0Ul6 eNeM¥
tHiNIG ¥OU WiLL NeveB Die.
(I Bi SH)
FLatteB¥ Ma!GeS f BieNDS;
tBUtH eNeMies.
(SPaNiSH)
FeeD ¥0Ul6 HOBSe as ¥OU WOULD a
fBieND But MOUNt HiM as aN eNeM¥.
(CBOatiaN)
120
GOOD feNces MaiGe
GOOD NeiGHBOUJoS
(tHe¥ iGeeP tHe soDs out!)
(ANON)
A GUiLt¥ CONSCieNCe
iS a LiVeL¥ eNeM¥.
(INDiaN)
Life WitH NO fJoieNDS iS Li!Ge
DeatH WitH NO WitNesses.
(SPaNiSH)
Love ¥0Ulo NeiGHBOUJoS. But DON't
PULL DOWN tHe feNCe.
(CHiNeSe)
122
••• ' . "' .,,.·. l • -.: '
yes, f'016GiVe YOUT6
eNeMies WHeNeve2
you caN, But aLways
16eMeMBe16 tHei16 NaMeS.
(ANON)
125
A Bao L8BOUB. aND
a oauGHteB afteB aLL.
(SPaNiSH)
A BLiND MaN'S Wife
Neeos NO PaiNt.
(SPaNiSH)
A House WitHOUt a WOMaN iS tHe
oeviL'S OWN LODGiNG.
(INDiaN)
AS tHe Best WiNe Ma!GeS tHe
SHaBPest ViNeGaB. so caN tHe
tBuest LOVeB tUBN iNtO tHe
WOBSt eNeM¥.
(ANON)
128
CHOOSe NeitHeB a WOMaN NOB
LiNeN B¥ caNDLeLiGHt.
c1taliaN)
FOBtuNe iS Li!Ge a WOM8N:
If ¥OU NeGLeCt HeB tOD8¥. DO NOt
expect to BeGaiN HeB tOMOBBOW.
(FBeNCH)
THeBe aBe two tHeOBies
aaout aBGUiNG WitH WOMeN.
NeitHeB WOBIGS.
(ANON)
AGe iS tHe ONL¥ tOPiC WOMeN
WiLL 1GeeP Quiet aaout.
(GeBM.aN)
130
A MaN iS a PeBSON WHO taKieS out
tHe BUBBiSH, tHeN MaKieS out He
Has Just CLeaNeo tHe House.
(ANON)
BeHiND eve1o¥ successruL
MaN tHe1oe·s a GBeat ...
N8G, N8G, N8G.
(ANON)
132
A Deaf' HUSBaND aND a BLiND Wire
a1oe tHe PeBFect HaPP¥ COUPLe.
(ANON)
A JeaLOUS LOVeB WiLL BeCOMe aN
iNDif'f'eBeNt spouse.
(M€XiCaN)
A POOB Beaut¥ flNDS MOBe LOVeBS
tHaN HUSBaNDS.
(ENGLiSH)
134
A Wife iS fBiGHteNeD Of HeB fiBSt
HUSB8ND. A HUSB8ND iS fBiGHteNeD
Of HiS seCOND Wife.
(S€BBiaN)
A Wife's aovice iS NOt WOBtH MUCH.
BUt woe to tHe HUSB8ND WHO
Befuses to taKie it.
(W€LSH)
He WHO M816Bies fOB
MONe¥ WiLL eaBN it.
(AM€BiCaN)
If ¥OU waNt to Be
CBitiCizeo. Get M816BieD.
(I Bi SH)
136
M8Joloi8Ge iS LiKie a GJoOUND Nut.
YOU MUSt CJo8CKi it to
see WHat'S iNSiDe.
(GHaNa)
Neve1o MaKie a
PJoettY WOM8N
YOUJo Wife.
(JaMaicaN)
GJoief fOJo a HUSB8ND
iS LiKie a P8iN iN tHe eLBOW
- SH8JoP 8ND SHOJot.
(ENGLiSH)
137
THe f'iBSti MaBBiaGe
iS a DiSH Of' HONeY,
tiHe seCOND a Glass Of' WiNe,
tiHe tiHiBD a CUP Of' POiSON.
(SeBBiaN)
138
Be NeitHeB iNtiMate
NOB DiStaNt WitH
tHe CLeBG¥.
(I Bi SH)
BetteB tHe DeViL
YOU IGNOW tHaN
tHe DeViL YOU DON't.
(ENGLiSH)
GOD Gives tHe Nuts.
BUt He DOeSN't
CBaCIG tHeM.
(GeBMaN)
142
If GOD DiDN't
fOBGiVe SiNNeBs.
HeaveN WOULD
Be eMPt¥.
(Ge~MaN)
If GOD uveD ON
eaBtH. PeOPLe WOULD
BBealG HiS WiNDOWS.
(JeWiSH)
If tHe PatieNt Dies.
tHe DOCtOB Has IG'iLLeD HiM;
if He Gets weLL. tHe
saiNts Have saveD HiM.
c1uauaN)
145
A JOUJ6NeY Of a
tHOUS9ND Sites BeGiNS
WitH Just ONe CLiCIG.
DON•t BYte Off
MOJ6e tHaN YOU
caN view.
THe eMaiL Of
tHe species is fal\3
oeaouel\3 tHaN
tHe M9iL.
150
Fax iS StBaNGeB
tHaN fiCtiON.
IN Gates we tBUSt.
¥OU CaN't teaCH a
New Mouse
OLD CLiCIGS.
THe Message is
iN tHe MODeM.
151
THe GeeiG
SH9LL iNHeBit
tHe ea1otH.
TOO M9N¥
CLiCIGS SPOiL
tHe MessaGe.
use1os aND tHeiB
LeiSUBe tiMe
aloe SOON PaBteo.
152