Download - Worst Job Monologue
Worst Job Monologue
A lot of people who come to the theatre are crazy. And I don’t mean wacky artistic people. I’m talking about the full-‐on, terrifyingly illogical people who are customer service’s worst nightmare. There is one woman in particular who I can think of that made me want to quit my job when after meeting her. I was working at the Shaw Festival. That night’s show, Guys and Dolls, was almost finished, and us ushers were about to open the doors to the lobby. This theatre in particular had a set of very large, heavy wooden doors on either aisle. To open them, I would always just put one hand on each door, and push as hard as I can. There were never any problems, until that night. While one door opened as easily as always, the other wouldn’t. I figured that someone just put a chair in front of the door and I’d need to move it. However, when I stepped into the lobby, I realized it wasn’t a chair against the door. Instead, there was an elderly woman getting up off the floor. Of course I immediately felt horrible, and started apologizing profusely, while quietly thinking to myself about how dumb it is to lean against the theatre doors when she could clearly hear over the loudspeaker in the lobby that the show was finishing. I’d only gotten out a few apologies when she began yelling. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You hit me with the door! Where’s your manager?! I want you fired!” I was so taken aback and scared that I couldn’t move. I just stood there and let her scream at me (in front of all 855 other audience members that were streaming out into the lobby) about how I was an awful employee, and how she was going to speak to the manager and have me fired. She even told me she was going to sue me if she found out she was hurt in any way. When I finally tried to explain to her that there was no possible way for me to know that she was leaning against the door, she suggested not-‐so-‐gently that I should have knocked to make sure there wasn’t anyone. At this point, the house manager had come out to see what was the issue. Fortunately, when he heard what she was saying to me, and when he saw the 15-‐year-‐old me on the verge of tears, he came over and offered to assist her in finding the exit. Finally I was free from her. Since then, many crazy audience members have come and gone at the Shaw Festival. But for me, that woman will always be the worst thing that ever happened to me at working at the theatre.