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Writing Paragraphs
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REVISING FOR PARAGRAPH UNITY
Read the following paragraph carefully.
Find the main idea, state it in a single sentence
(topic sentence).
Revise the paragraph to support that idea.
Omit irrelevant details.
Rearrange and condense material as
necessary.
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SAMPLE PARAGRAPH #1
Now 97, Margaret Prescott remembers that the friends she made in herchildhood were people who lived within two or three blocks of herhouse, and that was it. Today, we visit people who live 10-100 milesfrom where we are located on a daily basis with no problem. Sheremembers when McKinley was shot in the third grade; the newsboys
who ran through the streets shouting Extra! Extra! Extra! she went toMt Holyoke College in south Hadley, Massachusetts. Getting to thecollege was a chore: To get to South Hadley you had to get yourself toBoston by train, transfer stations, catch the train for Springfield, take atrolley car to the nearest town, which was Holyoke, and then get fromthere to South Hadley by horse and wagon and unload your bags.Once you were there you were lucky if you got to go home for
Thanksgiving. Her husband worked for a family-owned firm which wasa blacksmith shop. They made steel rims which would go aroundwooden spoked wheels on horse-drawn carriages and some othervarious parts. Then, as cars came with time, they made custom partsand did interior work. The first car they ever had was made by Ford andwas called a Falcon Night; it was made in 1919 and had fold-outrumble seats in the back.
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REVISED FOR UNITY
Listening to Margaret Prescott, 97, it becomes apparent that she livedthrough the evolution of transportation in America. Although we thinknothing of visiting people who live 100 miles away, she remembers thatin her childhood, the only friends her family made lived within two orthree blocks of her house, and that was it. Later, when she went to
college (Mt. Holyoke, South Hadley, Massachusetts) she found gettingthere a chore: To get to South Hadley you had to get yourself toBoston by train, transfer stations, catch the train for Springfield, take atrolley car to the nearest town, which was Holyoke, and then get fromthere to South Hadley by horse and wagon and unload your bags.Once you were there you were lucky if you got to go home for
Thanksgiving. When she married, her husband worked for a family-owned blacksmith shop which made steel rims for the wooden-spokedwheels on horse-drawn carriages. When cars came, the shop switchedto custom parts and interior work. The first car she and her husbandever had was a Falcon Night, made by Ford in 1919; it camecomplete with fold-out rumble seats in back.
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REVISING FOR COHERENTSPATIAL
ARRANGEMENT
Descriptions are easier to follow when
organized according to a coherent spatial order:
top to bottom, left to right, inside to outside, andso on.
Revise the following paragraph.
Place sentences in a coherent spatialarrangement so your reader can stay located.
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SAMPLE PARAGRAPH #2
Everything about the family home in Fairfield, Connecticut, reminds meof my heritage. Its attributes include various steep swirling staircases, atrap door, and several small compartments. The great stone wallsurrounding the house, with no mortar to hold the stones together, wasplaced there by my ancestors. The cast-iron fireplaces have special
areas for baking bread. The massive front door has a character of itsown and breaks up the monotony of the thick windows. The unevenfloor consists of long wooden planks, sagging because the foundation(the original) has settled unevenly. As a child, I loved to hide in thesecret compartments just as my grandmother must have. The high,decorative ceiling creates a feeling of airiness. Above the door is an
elaborate stained-glass window shaped in a half-circle. The doors twosections open separately; the upper section sports an antique brasseagle knocker. The stone wall, though authentic, also had a practicalpurpose: the rocks were left behind by glaciers and the wall was aconvenient way to get rid of them.
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REVISED FORSPATIAL ARRANGEMENT
Everything about the family home in Fairfield, Connecticut, reminds meof my heritage. The great stone wall surrounding the house, with nomortar to hold the stones together, was placed there by my ancestors.The wall, however picturesque, also served a practical purpose: itmade a convenient way to get rid of the rocks left behind by glaciers.
Looking beyond the wall to the house itself, one sees the monotony ofthe thick windows broken up by an immense door with a character of itsown. Its two sections open separately; the upper section sports anantique brass eagle knocker. Above the door is an elaborate stained-glass window shaped in a half-circle. Stepping inside the house oneimmediately notices the floor of long, wooden planks whoseunevenness makes the house seem unbalanced. The foundation - the
original foundation - has settled unevenly. The cast-iron fireplaces havespecial areas for baking bread. The high, decorative ceiling creates afeeling of airiness. Other attributes include various steep swirlingstaircases, a trap door, and several small compartments. As a child Ifound these compartments a place of refuge - just as my grandmotherprobably had.
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SAMPLE PARAGRAPH #3
Parents should spend more time providing their childrenwith guidance and assistance, as opposed to punishmentand criticism. Part of ensuring a childs mental and physicalwell-being is letting her know she is loved for what she is.But parents all too often place conditions on their love.Children learn to understand that they will be loved only ifthey get good grades. A B grade may be all right, but welllove you more if you get an A. As Kathie Durbin points outin her article Grappling with Grades, children are aninvestment in time. Knowing the child and her abilities and
limitations takes time and care. That means time spent justtalking about anything thats important in the childs eyes. Itmeans time spent together learning for fun. And it meanstime at the library and at home reading together. These arethe things that can motivate a child, i.e., mold a childspositive attitude toward learning at an early age.
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REVISED FOR CLIMACTIC ARRANGEMENT
Part of motivating a child is letting her know she is loved forwho she is. All too often parents place conditions on theirlove: a B grade may be all right, but well love you more ifyou get an A. Children learn that they will be loved only if
they get good grades. As Kathie Durbin points out in herarticle Grappling with Grades, children are an investmentin time. Knowing the child - abilities, limitations and all -takes time and care: time at the library and at homereading together, time spent together learning for fun,
time spent just talking about anything thats important to thechild, time providing guidance and assistance as opposedto punishment and criticism. These are the things that canmotivate a child to learn.
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REVISING PATTERNS OF DEVELOPMENT:
COMPARISON AND CONTRAST
Comparison (which usually implies contrast) is a
strategy of development that allows you to
emphasize your point by inviting the reader tosee how it is like (or unlike) something he or she
is familiar with.
Revise the following paragraph, strengthening
the point by introducing comparison to the rolesexpected of boys.
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SAMPLE PARAGRAPH #4
Sex role stereotyping begins in early infancy and
develops into outright discrimination by the age of
puberty. Right from birth, certain prejudices and
preconceptions are telegraphed to girls. Girlbabies are coddled and cooed over. Toys are also
chosen with specific connotations in mind. Girls
get Barbie dolls, tea sets, nurses kits, mini-stoves.
Later they go to ballet classes, piano lessons, andbake brownies with mom. Girls are isolated at
home and learn to fear the world at large.
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REVISEDTO INTRODUCE COMPARISON
Sex role stereotyping begins in infancy and develops intooutright discrimination by the age of puberty. Right frombirth, boys and girls are treated differently; differentprejudices and preconceptions are telegraphed to them.
Boy babies are hoisted and roughhoused, girls are coddledand cooed over. Toys are also chosen with specificconnotations in mind. Boys receive do-it-yourself kits,chemistry labs, baseballs, model ships. Girls get Barbiedolls, tea sets, nurses kits, mini-stoves. Later, boys ski,
camp and play football with dad. Girls go to ballet classes,take piano lessons, and bake brownies with mom. Whereasboys are taught about organization and are exposed tosocial contacts, girls are isolated at home and learn to fearthe world at large.
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REVISING FORDEVELOPMENT: CAUSE AND
EFFECT
When you find yourself trying to explain why
something happened, or happens, you are
probably thinking about cause and effect
relationships. Recognizing that you are doing so may help you
to sharpen the focus of an otherwise sprawling
paragraph.
Revise the following paragraph, emphasizing the
various causes of the American tendency to take
sports seriously.
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SAMPLE PARAGRAPH #5
One might ask: why are people so serious about sports? The answersto this question could be many. For one, people can release theiraggressions through sports. Kicking a ball, hitting it with a bat, punchinganother man in the face can feel good for both participants andspectators. Just think, one man can get in a boxing ring with another
and beat him up and its perfectly all right. All right, people love to seeit. They cheer them on, Yeah, Ali, get him on the left, the left. Ah, hesdown, hes down! Some people make bets on the game. If they win,great, but think of the risk people are willing to take on a boxing matchor a horse race. Sports can be healthy. Its good exercise, and again agood way to get out some aggressions, its legal, you can almost
always find someone else who wants to play. Sometimes I think sportscan be political. When judges announce the score in Olympic games,why is it certain countries that are allies will give the same scores to acountry they are not friendly with? Americans are always more aware ofU.S. against U.S.S.R. than U.S. against Canada.
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REVISEDTO EMPHASIZE CAUSE ANDEFFECT
Why do Americans take sports so seriously? No doubt,there are many reasons. Sports are legal, for one, and theyprovide good exercise. People can release theiraggressions through sports: kicking a ball, hitting it with abat, punching an opponent in the face. Those who do notparticipate in sports themselves can indulge theiraggressive appetites vicariously. They cheer as one manbeats up another in the ring; they may become even moreinvolved by placing bets. When the Olympics roll around,rooting for the home team may even take on political
overtones. Few get as excited watching the American teamplay against Canada as they do when Russia is theopponent. Even the judges reflect this partisanship, givinghigher scores to athletes from their allies countries. Whytake sports seriously? Because the nations pride is atstake.
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AVOIDTHESEININTRODUCTORY
PARAGRAPHS
Stating the obvious:
In this paper I will discuss the causes of
falling oil prices. My assignment is to discuss Hamlets
indecision.
Apologizing: Im not sure Im right, but here is
my opinion.
Clichs: Haste makes waste, War is hell, etc.
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CONCLUDINGSTRATEGIES:SOME
GUIDELINES
Use the devices suggested for introductory
paragraphs; avoid using the same device in the
introduction and the conclusion.
Summarize the main points of the essay.
Call for awareness and/or action.
Point to the future.
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WHATTO AVOIDIN CONCLUDING
PARAGRAPHS
Avoid going off track: Dont introduce a new idea orfact that belongs in the body of the essay.
Avoid rewording the introduction: If the two parts ofyour essay are interchangeable, you need to revise.
Avoid announcing what you have done: e.g., In thispaper I have tried to show the main causes for
Avoid making absolute claims: This proves thatUse This seems to prove that
Avoid logical fallacies: Conclusions are vulnerable toerrors in reasoning.
Avoid apologizing: This casts doubt on your material.e.g. Even though I am not an expert Be positive.
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HENRIROUSSEAUSSLEEPINGGYPSY
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SPRINGBOARD FOR WRITING:DRAFTING
ANDREVISING PARAGRAPHS
As you look at his striking image by the
French primitive painter, Henri Rousseau(1844-1910), what is your first impression
about the mood or feeling the painting
conveys?
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PLANNING ANDSHAPING
Study the painting carefully.
Quickly jot down a list of details from the
painting together with ideas about how those
details are related.
Include the lighting, colors, shapes, lines, and
textures.
Re-read your list. Write a sentence that describes the mood this
painting conveys.
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DRAFTING
Write a paragraph in response to the
question: What mood does Rousseaus
Sleeping Gypsy convey?
Be sure to include the details of the
painting that contributed to your
impression.
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REVISING
Imagine that you want to describe theprocess by which you arrived at yourconclusion.
Rewrite your paragraph, organizing itchronologically (e.g. The first thing thatstruck me about the painting was X, then Inoticed Y and so on).
Save your topic sentence for the end ofthe paragraph.
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REVISING
Review your paragraph for:
UNITY: Does every sentence in it relate directly to the
topic sentence?
SEQUENCE: Do you stick to chronological order? COHERENCE: Do you notice any unconnected leaps
of thought? If needed, add:
transitional markers
repetition of key words or pronouns parallel grammatical structure
DEVELOPMENT: Do you provide ample detail? Did
you use any imprecise/fuzzy words?
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EDITING
Review your paragraph for correctness of
sentence structure, grammar, spelling
and punctuation.
Make any necessary changes.
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DISCUSSION
Compare the two paragraphs you have
written. Discuss the differences with your
classmates.