drama beauty is a beast

7/30/2019 Drama Beauty is a Beast

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The Lost Treasure: By Jordan CardellCopyright (c) 2010 This screenplay may not be used or reproduced without the express

written permission of the author.

CHARACTERS:

CASTAWAYS-

DAKOTA: Leader of the castaways; caring but tough (Female)

ALEXIS: Dakota's best friend (Female)

FATHER ABRAM: The ship's Priest (Male)

DESTINY: Her father was a drunkard and used to abuse her before sheran away from home so now she is quite sensitive (Female)

MATHEW: The ship's old map charter (Male)

ROSE: Secretly in love with Mathew and does not think herself asbeautiful; wears glasses (Female)

JANE: A snob; always making fun of others, is always worried about herlooks, and carries around lip gloss (Female)

PIRATES-

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Captain of the pirates and insists that everyone callhim Captain Blackbeard (Male)

LAYNE: The ships first mate and Captain Abbey's best friend (Male)

JONATHAN: Smartest of all pirates; leads the mutiny (Male)

SAMUEL: Has a very loud and annoying voice and always wanted to beon Broadway (Male)

ETHAN: Really wishes he had wife (Male)

1BRANDON: Very lazy and reluctant; mother always wanted him to be alawyer (Male)

BAILEY: Doesn't listen very well; father was a carpenter (Can be playedby Male or Female)


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JAKE: Not too bright

The Lost Treasure is designed for a cast of 14, about 8 males and 6females. However, you may adjust the cast to suit your needs. Some ofthe pirates can easily be played by females if you change the name.

You may add extra castaways or pirates. If you would like a smallercast, you may combine SAMUEL and BAILEY or SAMUEL and BRANDONetc.

PLACEThe main action takes place on a deserted island with palm trees,birds, etc.

TIMEThe present

COSTUMESCastawaysAll castaways wear frayed shorts that come at least to the knees,modern blouses with the option of tears, and tennis shoes, flip-flops, or

they may go barefoot. This is with the exception ofFATHER ABRAM,DESTINY, MATHEW, andJANEFATHER ABRAM wears white priest robes that come down to hisankles and brown sandals with a cross necklace around his neck. Hecarries a Bible. DESTINYwears a modern blouse with tears if possibleand an undershirt so the tears will not show too much skin. MATHEWwears brown cargo shorts with a green button up shirt with a tropicalfloral pattern and has a pair of binoculars with a string on it so he canwear it around his neck and brown sandals and wears a pencil behindhis ear. JANE wears a ruffled light pink skirt that comes down to her

knees and a white shirt with another shirt on top of that of which ties inthe front. She has a pair of sunglasses that she wears either on hereyes or on top of her head, whichever is better. She wears either whiteor pink flip-flops and carries around lip gloss.

2Pirates

The pirates wear a variety of colors, different types of shirts and pants.They may go barefoot or wear sandals. Their clothes can be old, dirty,

ruffled, or torn. They also wear sashes and bandanas on their heads,waist, or around the shoulder. They may also wear pirates hats if theychoose. They may wear earrings, and strap a foam or real sword forbetter effect at their sides.CAPTAIN ABBEYhas the most elaborate costume of them all. Hewears a white ruffled shirt with long puffy sleeves, a long black coatwith large cuffs, black pants, black boots, and a red sash. He wears ablack curly wig and fake black beard, a musketeer hat with a feather, asword at his side, and an eye patch.


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PROPSAct One: Coconuts, bananas, boulder to sit on, swords for pirates,pencil, lip gloss, Bible, binoculars, string, bologna, smart phone, and amap.

Act Two: Leaves, sticks, hair beret, treasure chest filled with beads,necklaces, chalices, and other treasures, ropes, and a bandana.

Act Three: Map and sharp sticks for the castaways.

BEFORE THE CURTAINFor the sets, try painting sand dunes and palm trees. You may alsohave shells, birds, rocks, etc.

The Lost TreasureBy Jordan Cardell

ACT ONE, SCENE ONE

Setting:A remote/deserted island. There is a cutout of a large rock stage rightand palm trees, shrubs, tropical plants etc. all around. The sets arepainted with a blue sky with optional clouds, and are to resemble arainforest. There are other beach items scattered around the stagesuch as palm trees, tropical birds, plants, sand hills, driftwood, etc.

3At Rise:

Pirate's hideout; Pirates are sitting around resting. JONATHAN is sittingon one end of the rock writing something with a quill onto a piece ofworn paper, SAMUEL is doing kicks as if he is on Broadway, ETHAN issitting at the other end of the rock with a flower in his hand picking thepetals one by one, BAILEY is carving something into a piece ofdriftwood, and BAILEY and JACOB are sleeping on the ground.

JACOB: Where be Captain Abbey and Layne?

BAILEY: Why, theyve been looking for food for hours!

ETHAN: I bet he found a woman... he probably found love... At least hehas love! I hope he be happy...

SAMUEL: Oh would ye just shut up ye incompetent fool! If the Captainhears you call him (In a whisper) Captain Abbey, (In a louder voice) hewould keelhaul ye! Ye know that he likes to be called CaptainBlackbeard!

Jacob: Arg! Why that gutless swab wouldnt do anything!


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JONATHAN: Calm ye selves, men! First of all, they went looking forfood, not women Ethan! There hasnt been a real women on thisblasted island for probably a hundred years! Second of all, theyve onlybeen gone for 26, 27, 28, 29, sixteen and a half minutes!(Layne enters from RIGHT carrying coconuts, bananas, etc.)

LAYNE: Avast ye maties! Captain Blackbeard the Third!

(All the pirates reluctantly stand up and salute. CAPTAIN ABBEY strutsin from RIGHT)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: At ease men. Layne! Get over here!

(CAPTAIN ABBEY turns to the left, LAYNE runs to the right. As CAPTAINABBEY looks to the right, LAYNE runs to the left. They repeat thisseveral times before CAPTAIN ABBEY finally sees him)

4CAPTAIN ABBEY: There ye be! I need you to ration this out.

LAYNE: Whats the magic word?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: NOW!LAYNE: Thats not it. Come on, say it!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Fine... Please...

LAYNE: Actually the magic word was now, but I just wanted to hear yousay please.

(CAPTAIN ABBEY points over to stage left and as LAYNE looks that way,CAPTAIN ABBEY smacks him upside the head)

LAYNE: Ouch! That hurt Captain!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well it wasnt supposed to feel good you idiot!

LAYNE: Well that didnt feel too great either!

(Ethan crosses over to CAPTAIN ABBEY)

Ethan: Captain, we were just...thinking...uh, Jonathan, you can take itfrom there!

(ETHAN pushes JONATHAN in front of him, CAPTAIN ABBEY pulls out hissword and holds it against JONATHANS throat)


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CAPTAIN ABBEY: What are ye tryin to says?

JONATHAN: We were just wonderin if we could have anew...uh...leader?

(CAPTAIN ABBEY rears his sword back as if he is going to swing.JONATHAN leans back as CAPTAIN ABBEY swings at him but stops right

as the sword is about to hit him. The other pirates gasp)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Ye know what? Why not! And just who do ye elect?

5(Jacob steps forward)

JACOB: I nominate meself!

Brandon: Why ye fool, ye cant be the leader!

JACOB: Why not?

JONATHAN: Because the leader cant have an IQ of 19.8!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Anyone else?

(CAPTAIN ABBEY waves his sword around. CAPTAIN ABBEY starts toturn around and walk off with satisfaction)

BRANDON: So darn charasmatic! I vote for Abbey! Oops...

(CAPTAIN ABBEY stops and turns back around. He is extremely mad)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: What did you just call me?

BRANDON: Im sorry Captain! I didnt mean to, I swear! I promise Illnever do it again!

(CAPTAIN ABBEY again rears his sword back)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Yes, I know you wont!

LAYNE: Captain wait! Dont kill him!

(CAPTAIN ABBEY whirls around)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Give me one good reason I cant slit his throat rightnow?!


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LAYNE: (Searching for a reason) Because....uh...twould be one lessman to help you look for the treasure!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Ah yes... One-eyed Johns treasure... Fine. He shantdie today. But just remember, if ye EVER call me that wretched nameever again, Ill KEELHAUL YE!

6LAYNE: Calm yeself Captain!

(LAYNE takes CAPTAIN ABBEY over stage left as the other pirates aretalking to each other)

SAMUEL: I told you so! Never call him that!

BRANDON: (Sarcastically) Yes, thank you.JONATHAN: Actually, you told Jacob that.

(Everyone gives him a dirty look)

JONATHAN: What? I was just sayin!

ETHAN: When are we goin to mutiny mates?

SAMUEL: We have to elect someone to lead the mutiny first.

JACOB: I nominate Jonathan!

SAMUEL: Why him?!

JACOB: Because yer biggest dream is to be on Broadway. Thats why!

SAMUEL: S-s-so? W-w-whats wrong with Broadway?

JACOB: Oh nothin...cept that its just a bunch of people in tightsprancing round like someone just gave em an atomic wedgie!

(JACOB starts frolicking and dancing around the stage. SAMUEL crosseshis arms and gives him a dirty look)

ETHAN: Get back over here ye yellow-bellied blowfish!

JACOB: Who ye callin a yellow-bellied blowfish ye scurvy-infestedswine!

7(JACOB punches ETHAN, ETHAN punches back, JACOB falls, ETHAN


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starts kicking him. The other pirates drag ETHAN away from JACOB ashe gets up and dusts himself off)

JONATHAN: Back off ye scallywags! There is business at hand!

BRANDON: All those in favor of Jonathan in leading the mutiny againstold Blackbeard?

(Everyone raises their hands)

JONATHAN: Alright then, its settled.

ETHAN: When shall we attack?

JACOB: What about that scurvy Layne?

JONATHAN: When tis time, we shall give him one chance and onechance only to join us.

BRANDON: If he dont, well slit his throat alongside Blackbeard!

JONATHAN: When the time is right, but for now we must continue tolook for Old One-eye Johns buried treasure with them.

(CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE walk over)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: What be goin on over here?

BRANDON: Nothing! We were just talkin about the...

(JONATHAN elbows BRANDON in the stomach)

BRANDON: -economy! Yes! Tough times... and the... uh... weather!(Laughs nervously)ETHAN: You idiot!

JONATHAN: Never mind him Captain. We were just talking about One-eye Johns treasure chest! Shall we continue the search?

(CAPTAIN ABBEY looks at them suspiciously)8

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Hmm...fine. Off we go.

(All pirates exit left except for CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Now Layne, if I tell ye somethin, ye must swear yeshall never tell another livin soul! Especially them thrivin pirates! Doye hear?


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LAYNE: Yes sir Captain!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Ye must pirate swear!

LAYNE: Not the pirate swear!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Oh yes! The pirate swear...

(The Pirate Swear is a handshake that consists of clashing swordsfour times in a cross, using their swords to draw something in the sand,lifting the sword in the air, putting them away, then singing Rosie Posiebut with these lyrics while holding hands and spinning around in acircle.

Pirates swear, Pirates SwearI solemnly swear

That I will keep this secret sharedOr blow the man down!

(Both let go and fall on the ground, then stand up)

LAYNE: Well shiver me timbers I sure to remember the simpler times ofthe pinky swear!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Oh shut up ye scurvy dog! Avast ye! Now, me lad, thereason we have never found the old seadog One-eyed Johns booty is

because the map is incomplete.

LAYNE: What do you mean, incomplete?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: There is another piece to the map but I thought I

9would have already found it years ago. It is hidden somewhere on thisisland. We need it to find the treasure. I know them blasted landlubberpirates are up to no good and I have a feeling that we have some

mutineers on our hands! If we dont find that last piece to the map,they will slit our throats for sure!

LAYNE: Whoa whoa whoa... WHOA! Calm down Captain! Lets just slowdown and...

(LAYNE starts screaming, throwing his hands in the air, and

running around in circles. CAPTAIN ABBEY puts his hand over his


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mouth. The other pirates enter in from left)

Jonathan: What be goin on here Blackbeard?

(CAPTAIN ABBEY quickly takes his hand away when he sees them)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Why nothing at all Laddie!

ETHAN: But we heard screaming?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Oh, that? That was just Layne. I..uh...stepped on hisfoot! Yes, thats it!

(CAPTAIN ABBEY steps on LAYNES foot and he tries not to scream ashe in bouncing around in pain)

BRANDON: Well alright then! Lets go find that treasure!

LAYNE: (In a high pitched squeaky voice) Yes! Lets....

(CAPTAIN ABBEY leads off left, followed by LAYNE who is limping, thenthe rest)

ACT ONE, SCENE TWO

(Castaways have just been shipwrecked. All enter from right)

JANE: Omg! Thats all I can say. Omg! Ugh, I cannot believe this

10is really happening!

ROSE: Its not that bad, Jane.

DESTINY: Well get off the island somehow!

JANE: WHO CARES?! Im almost out of Lover girl lip gloss number five!(Steps forward and spreads arms out) From easy, peasy, wonderful,Lover girl!

(Everyone stares at her with strange expressions)

JANE: What? If Im going to be lost, I might as well look fabulous!

DAKOTA: No one said we were lost!

FATHER ABRAM: Well?

DAKOTA: Well what?


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FATHER ABRAM: Are we lost?

DAKOTA: Oh. Yeah, we are definitely lost.

MATHEW: We are not lost. I know exactly where we are!

EVERYONE: Where?!

MATHEW: Umm... I do not appreciate being yelled at. Thank you verymuch!

JANE: Listen here you little pigeon-toed weasel! I have an appointmentto get my nails done tomorrow and I am NOT going to miss it!

(JANE starts to walk off)

MATHEW: Just a second ago you were worried about your lip gloss, and

now its you nails?! Boy, someone is in a mood! Once again, I

11dont appreciate being yelled at. Sheesh, someone woke up on thewrong side of the hair salon.

(JANE turns back around and advances toward him with a raised fistbut before she can hit MATHEW, DAKOTA and FATHER ABRAM grabher)

FATHER ABRAM: Jane! God shall punish the ones that let anger andgreed take over! Do not let that happen.

JANE: (Sighs) Youre right Father. I apologize.MATHEW: I know this much; we are somewhere on an uncharted islandin the Caribbeans. We are hundreds of miles from any civilization.

DAKOTA: Which means we are going to be here a while.

(JANE starts to complain before DAKOTA cuts her off)DAKOTA: Dont start Jane. Its bad enough we are stuck here. We dontyour prissy attitude to start drama and make things worse!

JANE: Well! How incredibly rude!

DAKOTA: We need to elect a leader. So whos up for the job?

(Everyone looks at each other and no one says anything)


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DAKOTA: Anybody? Father Abram?

FATHER ABRAM: I would, but God is telling me that it is not my job.

DAKOTA: Then whose is it?

FATHER ABRAM: I think we all know who it is, my child.

DAKOTA: Alexis?

ALEXIS: Dakota, I love you and all, but Im just your sidekick. I

12would do it, but you know I cant even hold down a job as a clerk atBulls Eye! (Resembling to Target)

DAKOTA: Yes, I know. When a customer got an attitude because shewanted you to have a pleasant tone during checkout, you got all

worked up about it.

ALEXIS: Well she started it!

DAKOTA: Did you have to cross-country slap her in front of her kids?!

ALEXIS: My grandmother died the day before and I hadnt had mycoffee. I was out of my mind!

DAKOTA: Mathew? Youre a man.

MATHEW: No way!

DAKOTA: Alright then, scratch that.

MATHEW: Hey!

ROSE: I think what Father Abram is getting at, Dakota, is that youshould lead us.

DAKOTA: What? No, no, no, no, no, and if it werent any clearer, NO!ALEXIS: Dakota

DAKOTA: Fine, Ill do it. I had better not have to make some sort of lifeor death decisions. First order of business is to see what all we have.Everyone empty your pockets and set everything on the ground.

FATHER ABRAM: Ahem!


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DAKOTA: Except the Bible. Yes, I know Father Abram.

(Everyone puts what they have on the ground)13

DAKOTA: Its not much, but heres what weve got. We are stuck onthis wasteland with a Bible, a tube of Lover girl lip gloss number five, apair of binoculars, a number two pencil, a piece of string, a piece ofbologna, and a milky way smart phone. Jane, why in the world you

bring a smart phone?!

JANE: Why wouldnt I?! Its to call for help! Duh!

DAKOTA: (Chuckles for a moment) You know what, Jane? You call forhelp! You do that!

(JANE picks up the phone and tries to call someone)

ROSE: Is she really-? (DAKOTA interrupts)

DAKOTA: I-I have no idea

(JANE hangs up)

JANE: They didnt answer! Thats believable! They should always pickup the phone!

MATHEW: Well who did you call?

JANE: My salon, of course! Its my speed dial number one.

DESTINY: Oh my goodness

JANE: What?! (Starts crying softly)

DAKOTA: (Slowly takes the phone from JANE) Jane, listen honey. Thereason they didnt answer is because we are in the middle ofNOWHERE if you havent noticed!!! I mean, Im just saying

(JANE grunts and goes stage left to pout and sulk)

EVERYONE: (Except JANE) Ugh, drama queens!

ROSE: Whats next on the agenda, Dakota?

ALEXIS: Hey, whats this?14

(Picks up something off the ground and dusts it off)


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DESTINY: What is it?

ALEXIS: It looks likeA treasure map!

(EVERYONE starts adlibbing A treasure map?! Is it real? etc.DAKOTA tries to calm them down but it is not working)

ALEXIS: HEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!

(EVERYONE gets quiet)

DAKOTA: Thank you.

ALEXIS: Anytime.

DAKOTA: Slow down everyone. Let me have a look at that, Alexis.

ALEXIS: Okay, see for yourself!

(Hands the map to DAKOTA)

DAKOTA: Hmm It says that this is the map to One-eyed Johnstreasure chest. Ha! I do not believe any of that foolish nonsense.

ALEXIS: Do you think its real?

DAKOTA: It says that there are four pieces to the map, and this is thefourth.

JANE: So that means that there are three other parts to the map?

DESTINY: I guess so.

MATHEW: Well then lets go find them!

DAKOTA: Wait a second everyone! I- Im sure its not even real!Besides, there are still other things to worry about here. We still needto find food and water.

15JANE: Oh! I found water!

DAKOTA: That was easy! Where is it?

JANE: Over there! That will last us a lifetime! (Indicates to the ocean)

ALEXIS: Jane, were you dropped on your head as a baby?! Thats theocean! If we drank that, we would be sick to our stomachs! We needFRESH water!


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FATHER ABRAM: Ahem! Alexis!

ALEXIS: Sorry Father

FATHER ABRAM: Thank you.

DESTINY: What are we going to do about the treasure map?

DAKOTA: Okay, thats enough! This was probably just made by a boredsailor and his ship was wrecked like us, and this washed up on shore.

Thats all! Now I want each of you to stop talking about all of thisfoolishness because that is not what is important right now. We needto build a shelter to keep us safe from the bad weather we mayencounter while we are here. Mathew and Father Abram go gathersticks and tree branches. Jane, Rose, and Destiny go gather leaves andmud. Alexis and I will go look for food and water.

JANE: Uh EXCUSE me?! I am not going to get mud on this skirt!

DAKOTA: If you dont, mud wont be the only thing getting on yourprecious little skirt!

(JANE gasps and runs off right screaming. FATHER ABRAM andMATHEW exit left. ROSE and DESTINY exit right. ALEXIS starts to exitleft but stops when she notices that DAKOTA is still looking at the map)

ALEXIS: Dakota? Whats wrong?

16DAKOTA: Ive seen this before. I-I know I have.

ALEXIS: What are you talking about?

DAKOTA: The map. Ive seen it before.

ALEXIS: I thought you said that it was nonsense? Foolishness? You saidthat you didnt even know if it was real.

DAKOTA: Well I dont, but I know I have seen this somewhere.

ALEXIS: Umm why dont we just go look for water and maybe youllfeel better. The heat must be getting to you.

(Tries to pull DAKOTA offstage but DAKOTA pulls away)

DAKOTA: You think Im crazy, dont you?


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ALEXIS: (Sarcastically) No, no, no, no, no, no, no! Okay, well maybejust a little. But who can blame you? We dont have any water and itslike an oven on the sun out here!DAKOTA: Really? An oven on the sun?! The sun would melt an ovenin an instant!

ALEXIS: Oh you know Im not good at Sciencey stuff!

DAKOTA: Sciencey?

ALEXIS: Well?

DAKOTA: Whatever, lets just go.ALEXIS: Thank you! I feel like I could just tear a tree up by its roots andbuild an air conditioner with sonic-like speed thats powered bycoconut milk!

DAKOTA: OkaySeriously, you have GOT to stop reading so manycomic books!

ALEXIS: What? Can I help it if the amazing Tarantula Man is TOTALLYhot?!

17DAKOTA: Oh girl! Dont I know it! Wait- what am I saying?!

ALEXIS: Fine.

(ALEXIS exits left. DAKOTA takes one last look at the map beforeputting it in her pocket and exits left)

Act One, Scene Three

(CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE enter from left. LAYNE sits down on therock as CAPTAIN ABBEY starts pacing)

LAYNE: Youre bein overly dramatic about all of this.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Aaaarrrg! If we dont find that blasted map, thosepirates are going to slit me throat and Ill be sent to (Shudders) Davy

Jones Locker Savvy?

LAYNE: Aye Captain. Although, standin around and panickin is gonnaget us nowhere. We need to think of a plan.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: (Very quick and worried-sounding) I-II be notpanicking! Wha-wha, what makes you think I be panicking? Why, I beas calm as the sea!


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(At that moment, you may play a thunderstorm sound effect or wavescrashing to resemble that the sea is reckless- just like CAPTAIN ABBEY.At the sound, CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE both scream and run towardeach other wanting to jump in each others arms)

CAPTAIN ABBEY/LAYNE: Hold me!

(Only to hit each other in mid air and fall on the ground. After a fewmoments of checking himself to make sure he is okay, LAYNE gets upand dusts himself off)

LAYNE: Yes, I know you are. That be exactly why a plan is what weneed.

(LAYNE and CAPTAIN ABBEY start to think. SAMUEL and BAILEY sneak

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in and crouch behind the rock so they are not seen by CAPTAIN ABBEYand LAYNE. CAPTAIN ABBEY jumps up)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Ive got it!

LAYNE: Me too!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Are you thinking what I be thinking?

LAYNE: I think so.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: If ye be thinking about a way to get us out of thispickle, then aye we are!

LAYNE: Oh, well I be thinkin about lunch.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Nay ye fool!

(CAPTAIN ABBEY smacks LAYNE upside the head)

LAYNE: Ouch, Captain! That hurt!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well it wasnt supposed to feel good. Now, I havethought of a plan.

LAYNE: Does it involve monkeys because I know a guy.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: If it did I wouldnt need you to get a hold of himbecause I think I already found one!


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LAYNE: Where?!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Right in front of me.

(LAYNE looks around)

LAYNE: Well blow me down, Captain! I dont see him!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well, do ye got a mirror on ye?

19(LAYNE starts checking his pockets and pulls out a small hand mirror)

LAYNE: Here ye go.

(CAPTAIN ABBEY, irritated, takes the mirror and turns it around soLAYNE can see himself)

LAYNE: Oh! Why arent ye a handsome devil!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Son of a biscuit eater! Nay ye nitwit!

LAYNE: Oh, I see. Here, let me fix the birds nest on ye scalp.

(LAYNE takes off CAPTAIN ABBEYs hat and tries to fix his hair butCAPTAIN ABBEY snatches the hat back, puts it on his head, and smacksLAYNE upside the head)


CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well it wasnt supposed to feel good! Okay, heres theplan: We are going to get the old chest from me Captains quarters andbring it here. We will fill it with treasures, and tell the men that it beOne-eyed Johns treasure chest! That way they wont have the urge tomutiny so I may resume position as captain!

LAYNE: Shiver me timbers! That be a wonderful plan, captain!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I know.

LAYNE: Hmm I wonder why I didnt think of that.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Oh, I be comin up with a few ideas!

(LAYNE looks confused)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Oh come on.


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(CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE exit off left. SAMUEL and BAILEY come outfrom behind the rock)

20SAMUEL: Did ye hear that?

BAILEY: Aye! Layne knows a place where we can get our ownmonkeys!

SAMUEL: No ye idiot! They be tryin to fool us with a fake treasure!

BAILEY: Oh, that. Nay, I was too focused on what I was going to nameme monkey. How does Bob sound?

SAMUEL: We must go tell the others so they be not fooled by thisshallow trickery!

BAILEY: No! What about Steve? That is a perfect name!

SAMUEL: Ye know Bailey, ye are quite the moron. Do ye know that?

BAILEY: I BE NOT!

SAMUEL: Shut up ye fool! Theyll hear us!

LAYNE: (From off left) Did ye hear that, Captain?

SAMUEL: I told ye!

(SAMUEL runs off right, notices that BAILEY is still standing there, goesback and pulls him off stage right while BAILEY is staggering. CAPTAINABBEY and LAYNE re-enter left)

LAYNE: I couldve sworn I heard something!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Im sure ye just be hearin things. Now come on, letsgo get that chest.

LAYNE: Aye, Captain.

(CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE exit off left. BLACKOUT)

21Act Two, Scene One


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(DESTINY, ROSE, and JANE enter right carrying sticks and twigs)

JANE: You know, I dont think Dakota should be the leader. Shesterrible at it!

ROSE: What are you talking about?DESTINY: She is a great leader!

ROSE: Yeah. Besides, youre just jealous of her!

JANE: What?! I am not!

ROSE: Face it, Jane. Everyone likes her but you. You just cant standthe thought of being stranded and that we have to work together. Youknow, not everything is about you!

DESTINY: Youre used to being a spoiled brat and babied by your richfather. Since were stranded, this will give you a chance to know what

labor feels like.

JANE: L-l-labor? You mean I have to work?! Oh this is awful! My life isso unfair!

(DESTINY drops the sticks that she was holding)

DESTINY: You dont even know the meaning of the words unfair! Foryour information, my mother left me when I was just two years old. Myfather was a drunkard and he used to beat me every single night.

Sometimes he would take it easy on me and notbreak anything or knock me out. (Starts crying softly and she talks) Iwas constantly covered in bruises and blood. Over the years he hasbroken both of my arms, a leg, four of my fingers, two ribs, dislocatedmy shoulder, and fractured my foot three times. One night, when Icouldnt take it anymore, I packed up a small bag of clothes and ranaway. I came aboard the ship because I knew that if my father everfound me he would surely kill me. THATis unfair! If you think you haveit bad then what is my life?! Huh? WHAT IS IT?!

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JANE: (Shocked) Destiny, II didnt know

DESTINY: Well now you do.

JANE: Im sorry.

ROSE: I had no idea you were treated like that, Destiny. Why didnt youever tell me?

DESTINY: I didnt want you to know, thats why.


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JANE: I really am sorry I will make it up to you. I will get rid of myberet.

ROSE: Jane! Thats your favorite beret, though!

JANE: (Takes out the beret) Dont remind me.

(JANE slowly sticks out her balled fist which is holding out the beret.After a tough time, she finally drops it on the ground. JANE gasps)

ROSE: This is a miracle!

DESTINY: Wow Jane, you really did it.

JANE: Yep I guess I did. You know what? It actually feels good!ROSE: Im glad.

DESTINY: Yeah. (Wipes her eyes) Do you know something, Jane?

JANE: What is that?

DESTINY: Im sorry.

ROSE: Why are you sorry, Destiny?

DESTINY: I shouldnt have snapped at you like that. I shouldnt havetold you that. It was my burden to carry, not yours, and I shouldve

kept it to myself. Im sorry.

23JANE: Dont be sorry.

DESTINY: Well I am.

ROSE/JANE: Well dont be!

DESTINY: Alright, alright! (Giggles)

ROSE: We are your friends, you can tell us anything.

JANE: Yeah!

DESTINY: Thanks guys

JANE: Okay, unless I have something TOTALLY messed up here, I amNOT a guy!


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(All laugh)

ROSE: You crack me up!

DESTINY: Like an egg

JANE: Aw shucks!

(Laugh again)

ROSE: Since we are all contributing something out of our comfortzones, I have a question.

DESTINY: What is it?

ROSE: Can I trust you two with a secret?

DESTINY: Yes!

JANE: Of Course!

ROSE: Well I love Mathew.

(DESTINY/JANE: Really? Are you serious? Etc.)24

ROSE: Yes I do. I always have. He would never go for a girl like me

JANE: A girl like what?

ROSE: An ugly nerd.

JANE/DESTINY: WHAT?!

DESTINY: One, you are NOT ugly. You are a beautiful girl and any boywould love to call you his and would fight to keep it that way.

JANE: Two, you are not a nerd. You are very smart. Just because youwear glasses doesnt mean that you are a nerd. You know what?

(JANE crosses to ROSE and takes off her glasses and takes her hairdown. She then steps back to admire what she has done)

ROSE: Wow

DESTINY: Nice work, Jane!

(JANE and DESTINY give each other a high five)


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JANE: You look great!

DESTINY: Totally.

JANE: If Mathew doesnt fall head over heels when he sees your newlook, nothing will!

ROSE: Thanks girls, but I think Ill save this for when the time is right.

DESTINY: Alright.

JANE: Fine with us!

DESTINY: Well I guess we should go meet back up with the others.

25ROSE: They are probably looking for us.

JANE: Yeah. Lets go.

(All start to exit left)

DESTINY: Hey! I will catch up with you later. I have to get the sticks!

ROSE: (From offstage) Okay!

JANE: (From offstage) We will meet you back at camp!

(DESTINY quickly picks up the sticks and runs off left. In the rush, shedoes not pick up all of them)

Act Two, Scene Two

(CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE walk in carrying an old pirates treasurechest with necklaces, beads, crowns, chalices, and other treasureshanging out)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Just set it down over here, Layne.


(They put the chest down near the sticks and beret)

LAYNE: Do ye think that the plan will work?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Aye. We will just put it here and then get the men.Remember, it is One-eyed Johns treasure. Got it?


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LAYNE: I thought it was a fake?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Aye, it is.

LAYNE: Im confused.

26CAPTAIN ABBEY: Look. It is a fake treasure that looks like One-eyed

Johns treasure. Now do ye understand?

LAYNE: Oh! I get it now.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Hallelujah.

(CAPTAIN ABBEY sits down on the chest. As LAYNE is about to sit, heslips on the sticks and falls down and sees the beret. CAPTAIN ABBEY

helps him up)

LAYNE: Ouch!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Are ye alright?

LAYNE: I be fine.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Good.

(CAPTAIN ABBEY smack LAYNE upside the head)


CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well it wasnt supposed to feel good! Now whathappened?

LAYNE: I found something!

(Hands CAPTAIN ABBEY JANES beret)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: What be this?LAYNE: It looks like a hair piece.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: But there be no women on the island in years!

LAYNE: Or has there

CAPTAIN ABBEY: You may be right for once. There may actually beanother livin soul here!


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LAYNE: Why have we not seen them?27

CAPTAIN ABBEY: They must be hidin.

LAYNE: What if they are the ones who have the last piece to the map?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Why would ye say that?! That be a terrible thing to

say! Why put that negative energy here?

(Swats the air)

LAYNE: Sorry, Captain.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Tis alright. Just do not say it again!

LAYNE: Aye sir. But Captain, what are we going to do about thestrangers?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: We shall keep a sharp eye out for them and when wefind them, they will be shark bait!

LAYNE: Good decision.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I know.

LAYNE: Ye know, Captain? That is something that I have alwaysadmired about ye. So incredibly humble!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Yes, I know that too.

LAYNE: What shall we do now?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: We are going to go back to camp and tell the menabout the treasure!

LAYNE: Aye.

(CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE exit right)

28Act Two, Scene Three


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DAKOTA: Where is everyone? They should have been back by now.

ALEXIS: Im sure they are around.

DAKOTA: Alexis? I think we should go look for the rest of this map.

(DAKOTA pulls out the map)

ALEXIS: What? Are you sure?

DAKOTA: Are you trying to change my mind?

ALEXIS: No.

DAKOTA: Alright then. Everyone was really curious about it. I think itwould put the others in a good mood considering we are stranded.Who knows? It could be fun! Maybe we might even run into somepirates on the way!

(Both start laughing hysterically)

ALEXIS: (Suddenly stops laughing) Umm Dakota?

DAKOTA: Yes?

ALEXIS: What if there really are pirates on this island?

DAKOTA: I highly doubt it. Pirates are just in fairytales our parents told

us when we were kids.

ALEXIS: My parents didnt tell me stories about pirates.

DAKOTA: They didnt? I remember when I was little, my father used totell me all kinds of stories of his days at sea and what he encountered.He escaped from the clutches of strange Indians and fought fiercepirates! But that was before

29ALEXIS: Before what?

DAKOTA: Before my father left us when I was only four years old.

ALEXIS: I am very sorry. I never knew that.

DAKOTA: Its okay. That was the only reason that I bought a ship. To goout to sea to try and find him. I guess that is all over.

ALEXIS: I dont know why, but I have a feeling that you will see himsomeday.


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DAKOTA: For all we know, he may not even be on the sea!

ALEXIS: Im sure he is. If anyone can love something so much as towhere they would leave their family, Im sure he is on the ocean.

DAKOTA: I dont know. Hey, look! Here come the others!

ALEXIS: Finally!

(MATHEW and FATHER ABRAM enter from left)

DAKOTA: Hey guys!

MATHEW: We got the things you asked for.

ALEXIS: It took you long enough!

FATHER ABRAM: I apologize, it is my fault. I kept tripping over myrobes.

MATHEW: That doesnt make it your fault, Father.

ALEXIS: Yeah.

(JANE, ROSE, and DESTINY enter from right. Everyone sets down whatthey found. Leaves, sticks, small branches, etc.)

30DAKOTA: Alright everyone I have something to say. I have decided thatwe are going to go look for the rest of this map so we can try to findthis treasure.

(Everyone starts talking wildly and saying things like, How exciting!"What an adventure! etc. DAKOTA tries to calm them down but itsnot working)

ALEXIS: HEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!

(Everyone gets quiet)

DAKOTA: Thanks.

ALEXIS: Anytime.

DAKOTA: We are going to split up. We will stay in the same groups thatwe were in to look for food. If you find anything, come back here.


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Capeesh?

EVERYONE: Capeesh!

DAKOTA: Alright! Lets go!

(MATHEW and FATHER ABRAM exit left. JANE, ROSE, and DESTINY exitleft)

DAKOTA: Are you ready to do this?

ALEXIS: As ready as Ill ever be!

(DAKOTA and ALEXIS exit right)

Act Two, Scene Four

(JONATHAN, ETHAN, AND JACOB enter left)

ETHAN: They should have been back by now!

JACOB: Aye!

31JONATHAN: Those fools had better hurry up! I am getting impatient.

(JACOB walks over to stage right)

JACOB: There they be!

(SAMUEL and BAILEY run in from right, knocking JACOB down. BAILEYhelps him up)

SAMUEL: Get up ye fool!

BAILEY: It be not the time to sit around all the do-da day!

SAMUEL: We bring bad news.

JONATHAN: (Groans) What is it, Samuel?

BAILEY: THERE IS A FAKE TREASURE!

(SAMUEL then bonks BAILEY on the head and he falls on the ground)

SAMUEL: He asked me!

(BAILEY gets up, dusts himself, and punches SAMUEL. They keep


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fighting until JONATHAN steps in and hits their heads together. Theyboth fall on the floor with a series of moans and groans)

JONATHAN: Now will the both of ye straighten up and tell me what youfound out?!

BAILEY/SAMUEL: Aye sir.

(Both stand up)

ETHAN: Did I hear ye right?

JACOB: Did ye say that there was a treasure?BAILEY: Ye see

SAMUEL: What had happened was32

BAILEY: We were spying on the two crooks when we heard their plan.

JONATHAN: Which is?

SAMUEL: They are going to get an old chest, fill it with jewels, and trickus with it.

Jonathan: What?!

BAILEY: They are going to tell us that it be One-eyed Johns treasurechest.

JONATHAN: WHAT?!

BAILEY: We just told you what.

JONATHAN: (Becomes enraged with anger) AAAAARRRRRGG!!!!! (Heswings to punch BAILEY, who ducks, and hits JACOB, who was standingbehind BAILEY)

JACOB: Why did ye do that?

JONATHAN: Ye shouldnt have been standin there!

ETHAN: What shall we do?

JONATHAN: Mutiny!

SAMUEL: Now?

JONATHAN: Aye, maties. Tis time


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ALL PIRATES: AAAARRG!!!

(At that moment, LAYNE enters from right ready to announce thearrival of CAPTIAN ABBEY but as soon as he spots the blood-thirstypirates, he tries to run off left. He is not fast enough and all the piratesgrab him as JONATHAN pulls out his sword and puts it to LAYNESthroat)

33LAYNE: Wha-whats g-goin on?

SAMUEL: We heard yer plan to fool us with a fake treasure!

ALL PIRATES: ARG!

LAYNE: What? No, no, no, no, no! We said that we was (Searches foran excuse)

Going to surprise you! With One-eyed Johns treasure that we found!

SAMUEL: Are ye callin me a liar?

LAYNE: No! Of course not!

BAILEY: Ye had better not be!

ETHAN: We wont believe yer lies!

BAILEY: The treasure tis a fake!

JONATHAN: Now listen up ye old dog!

LAYNE: (Gulps nervously and in a high pitched squeaky voice) Aye?

JONATHAN: We are goin to mutiny against that scallywag Blackbeardand we are going to give ye one chance and one chance only to joinus.

JACOB: And if ye refuse, well slit yer throat!

ALL PIRATES: AYE!

JONATHAN: So what do ye say?

SAMUEL: Will ye join us?

LAYNE: Hey look! It be Captain Blackbeard! (LAYNE points stage leftand all the pirates look that way as LAYNE makes his escape off stage


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right)

34JONATHAN: (Very long, loud, and dramatic) LAYNE!!!!!!!

BAILEY: Lets get him!

(BAILEY runs off stage right with his sword raised)

JONATHAN: Bailey?

(BAILEY comes walking back in nonchalantly)

JONATHAN: Where do ye think ye are going?

BAILEY: To go slit that landlubbers throat!

JONATHAN: We have to have a plan first ye idiot.

BAILEY: Oh yeah

SAMUEL: Okay, so what is it?

JONATHAN: What if I dont have one?

JACOB: Yere the smartest!

ETHAN: So ye should think of the plan. What it be?

BRANDON: Aye.

JONATHAN: Ive got it!

(All pirates huddle together and talk for a few moments)

JONATHAN: Alright, now that ye all know the plan, do any of ye haveany questions?

(All pirates look at each other)

ALL PIRATES: Nay.

JONATHAN: Good! Now, who is ready to mutiny that old scurvy infestedswine Blackbeard?!

35ALL: AYE!!!

(As the pirates exit right they sing a chant with the lyrics of Were


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going to mutiny the old swine, hurrah! Hurrah! Well hunt him downand slit his throat, hurrah! Hurrah! Then may his soul rest in peace inDavy Joness Locker! Hurrah! Hurrah!)

Act Two, Scene Five

(CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE enter from right)

LAYNE: (VERY dramatic) I tried to outrun them, but they were just toofast. They chased me down and held me against me will. Jonathan heldthe sword up to me throat and said that if I didnt join the mutinyagainst you then they would slit me throat. I used my (Looks proud)grand intelligence to outsmart them so I could make my daringescape!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well Ill be darned. Ye outsmarted someone? Theresa first for everything!

LAYNE: Captain!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: It be true!

LAYNE: No, Captain. What I be tryin to say is, they are coming afterye!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I knew this would happen

LAYNE: It looks like your plan didnt work after all! I guess there is a

first for everything!

(CAPTAIN ABBEY smacks LAYNE upside the head)

LAYNE: Ouch! Captain, that hurt!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well it wasnt supposed to feel good!

DAKOTA: (From offstage right) Lets look over here, Alexis!

36ALEXIS: Okay, Im right behind you.

(CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNES eyes get very big)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Did ye just say something?

LAYNE: Nay. Did ye?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Nay. It sounded like the voice of a woman. That be


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why I asked ye!

LAYNE: Captain, there be two of them.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Do ye think?

LAYNE: It could be! I hope so!

(DAKOTA and ALEXIS enter from right)

CAPTAIN ABBEY/LAYNE: Women!

DAKOTA: Alexis?

ALEXIS: Yeah?

DAKOTA: I dont think those were fairy tales! I think weve found theanswer to this map.

ALEXIS: You think?

(LAYNE faints)

ALEXIS: Arent you going to help him?!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Oh hell be fine. (He pulls out his sword) Who are ye?

DAKOTA: Im Dakota, this is Alexis, and were not afraid of you.

(DAKOTA steps up to him and ALEXIS follows close behind)

37ALEXIS: We arent?

DAKOTA: Nope. (Not taking her eyes off the pirate)ALEXIS: Oh

CAPTAIN ABBEY: (Slowly starts stepping toward them) Well, ye should

be!

DAKOTA: Sorry to disappoint you!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Layne, get up!

(LAYNE starts to come to)

LAYNE: What happened?


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CAPTAIN ABBEY: Ye fainted when ye saw these women.

(LAYNE jumps up quickly when he remembers DAKOTA and ALEXIS)

LAYNE: Im good! (Struts over to them) And Im Layne. Nice to meetyou lovely ladies!

(ALEXIS giggles while DAKOTA is annoyed. LAYNE sticks out his hand

for ALEXIS to shake it. DAKOTA spots a mark shaped like a skull andcrossbones on his arm)

DAKOTA: Youre pirates! Ive seen that scar. Alexis, run!

(ALEXIS is too busy flirting and holding hands with LAYNE to hear)

DAKOTA: Run!

ALEXIS: Run?

DAKOTA: Yes!

(ALEXIS tries to run but LAYNE does not let go over her hand. He pullsher back towards him, ties her hands and feet, and forces

38her to sit while she is struggling and screaming. At the same time,CAPTAIN ABBEY grabs DAKOTA and puts the sword to her throat)

LAYNE: Ye arent goin anywhere beautiful.

DAKOTA: Let us go!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Never!

ALEXIS: What do you want with us?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Ye two lassies dont happen to know anything about amap, do ye?

(ALEXIS looks at DAKOTA worriedly)

DAKOTA: No, we dont. Now leave us alone!

LAYNE: We aint gonna let ye go so easily.

DAKOTA: Why cant you?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Because there is something yere not tellin me. Now,


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I will ask this one more time. Do ye know anything about a map?

DAKOTA/ALEXIS: No!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I didnt ask ye!

(CAPTAIN ABBEY grabs DAKOTA by the hair and throws her to theground. He then pulls out his sword. He crosses over to ALEXIS, pulls

out his sword and grabs her arm roughly)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: What did ye say?

ALEXIS: I said no! You know darn well that you heard me loud andclear!

39(CAPTAIN ABBEY gives ALEXIS a mighty blow on the arm with his

sword. ALEXIS screams and is bleeding terribly)

DAKOTA: Oh no you didnt! Boy you better watch out because Imabout to open this islands finest coconut of butt-whooping!LAYNE: Oh wow. Were shakin!DAKOTA: You should be!

(DAKOTA elbows LAYNE in the stomach, takes him arm, twists it, andflips him over. Do this close to the ground. This is completely safe and

does not hurt if done correctly. DAKOTA crosses to CAPTAIN ABBEY,grabs the sword, smacks him in the bottom with it, and as hesurprisingly turns around. He tries to punch her but she drops to theground, puts one foot in front of his legs and another behind, and tripshim to the ground. She then gets up and dusts off her hands)

DAKOTA: Thats what you get when you mess with me and my bestfriend! (DAKOTA drops the sword and runs to ALEXIS) Alexis, are youokay?

ALEXIS: II think so

(DAKOTA unties her)

DAKOTA: Where does it hurt?

ALEXIS: (Groans) Its my arm.

(DAKOTA tries to touch it)


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ALEXIS: No need to interrupt you, but OW!!!!!

DAKOTA: Oh, sorry Alexis.

ALEXIS: Its fine. Oh man, this reallyhurts!

(DAKOTA takes a cloth off of her costume and ties it around ALEXISSarm)

40

DAKOTA: The cut is too deep for just a bandage. I have to get you backto camp. Maybe Father Abram knows of any remedies.

ALEXIS: Just go get help. I will stay here.

DAKOTA: (Desperate) Im not leaving you alone with these goons! Theywont be on the ground for long, Alexis!

CAPTAIN ABBEY/LAYNE: Hey!

DAKOTA: Come on Alexis, you have to get back to camp before youlose too much blood! Here is what I need you to do: Go look for theothers, they are still in search for the you-know-what. After your woundis tended to, I need you to keep them at camp and sharpen sticks andlogs for protection. Do NOT bring them here, because, as leader, Icannot put them in danger. Tell them to build a secure raft and if Imnot back within an hour, leave the island without me...

ALEXIS: WHAT?! Im not leaving you here!

DAKOTA: I cant risk putting you in any more danger! I dont wantanyone getting seriously injured like you or even killed. I mean, Imsure this isnt the worst that this island could throw at us.

CAPTAIN ABBEY/LAYNE: HEY!

DAKOTA: I will fend these guys off for as long as I can Now go!

ALEXIS: Okay

(ALEXIS stands and exits stage right while holding her arm painfully. Atthat moment, CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE slowly get up and get to thesword)

DAKOTA: (Mumbles) Ugh I knew this map was a bad idea

(DAKOTA then turns around to find that CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE areback on their feet. They both have their swords in hand and capture


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DAKOTA with a little difficulty. They tie her up and

41force her to sit down upper center stage. CAPTAIN ABBEY motions forLAYNE to come downstage)LAYNE: What shall we do with her?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Arg, I know exactly what were gonna do. A trade!

LAYNE: A trade?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Aye.

LAYNE: Alright. Tell me more.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: The map, in exchange for her and her friendsfreedom.

LAYNE: How can ye be sure that she even does have the map?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I can tell she is lyin. I know she has the map, trust meon this laddie.

DAKOTA: You will neverget away with this!LAYNE: And how can ye be so sure?

DAKOTA: You dont need to know!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: And if she refuses, I shall hand her over to those raftridin seal sniffin pirates. They will be able to do anything they wantwith her.

LAYNE: What about her friend?

DAKOTA: You had better leave my friends alone!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Friends??? You mean there are more of you?!

DAKOTA: I didnt say that!

LAYNE: (Sarcastically) Oh Dakota, but ye did!

42CAPTAIN ABBEY: We will hand them over to the other men as well. ThatAlexis girl will go first!


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DAKOTA: If you even thinkabout touching my friends, especiallyAlexis, Ill Ill

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Yell what?!

DAKOTA: I will make you wish that you hadnt crawled out of the darkhole you came from and (makes a face) obviously never took a bath in!Did you think I came out to sea unprepared? If you did, then you are

off your nut, dude!(CAPTAIN ABBEY takes a bandana out of his pocket and hands it toLAYNE)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Here, tie this around her mouth.


(As LAYNE tries to tie the bandana around DAKOTAS mouth, she biteshim)

LAYNE: AAAAARRRGG! She bit me!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Just tie it!

LAYNE: Gee Captain, if only I had thought of that!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well

(LAYNE finally ties the bandana around DAKOTAS mouth. CAPTAIN

ABBEY crosses upstage)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Not so tough now, are ye lassie?

(DAKOTA stomps on CAPTAIN ABBEYS foot. He again pulls out hissword but LAYNE stops him)

LAYNE: Captain, WAIT!

43(LAYNE steps between CAPTAIN ABBEY and DAKOTA. He accidentallytrips over DAKOTA and falls backwards. DAKOTA mumbles a mockingha-ha. LAYNE gives her a look)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Get up ye clumsy incompetent fool!

(CAPTAI ABBEY puts his sword away. LAYNE scrambles to stand up andboth walk downstage again)


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LAYNE: What will we do about the mutiny?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Ive got a question. Why must ye ask so manyquestions?

LAYNE: I be only curious.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well stop, its annoying.

LAYNE: Wait, one more question

CAPTAIN ABBEY: (Groans) What is it?

LAYNE: What shall we do now?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well, for now we will keep Dakota here while we waitfor her little friends to rescue her. When they get here, we will justmake the trade Got it?

LAYNE: Seems simple enough!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Good. So now we wait.

(CAPTAIN ABBEY and LAYNE sit on either side of DAKOTA, cross theirarms, and look at her. DAKOTA looks at each of them and is annoyedand rolls her eyes. BLACKOUT)

Act Three, Scene One

(ROSE, DESTINY, and JANE are searching the island for the map. Eachoccasionally stopping to dig or look behind a plant or tree)

44JANE: Im not trying to complain or anything, but (in an extremelywhiney voice) its hot out here! Im tired! Im thirsty!!! Cant we take abreak?

DESTINY: We havent been out here for that long, but I guess we

should get a sip of water to keep us hydrated.

JANE: Thank you! (Relieved)

ROSE: I dont know if we will ever be able to find this map. It could takeus years before we ever find anything. This island is huge!

JANE: (Groans) Shes right. Well never find it!

DESTINY: Dont give up! We cant give up! Just imagine the fortune and


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the treasures! We could be rich! We could eat like queens every singlenight, sleep with silk blankets, and live in a beautiful palace! (DESTINYwanders off in her own little land of imagination before ROSE snaps herout of it)

ROSE: Destiny? Destiny! Snap out of it! In case you havent noticed,this isnt the 10th century anymore!

JANE: Yeah girl, where have you been?

DESTINY: Huh? Oh, sorry about that.

JANE: Well, if we arent going to stop looking, lets go back to camp andfill our canteens. Im parched! (Takes off the canteen that wasstrapped around her shoulder and turns it upside down to representthat it is empty)

ROSE: I still have some water in mine, here. (Hands JANE her canteen.

JANE pretends to drink out of the canteen)

JANE: Ahh That is refreshing!

ROSE: Hey! You drank it all!

JANE: See? Didnt I tell you that we needed to fill our canteens?45

(ROSE gives her a look)

JANE: What? You did

DESTINY: (Leans toward ROSE) You did say that

ROSE: (DESTINY a look and sarcastically says) REALLY?! I hadabsolutely NO idea!

(DESTINY gives ROSE a look)

(All exit stage left. Pirates enter right)

JONATHAN: I am so peeved!

(All other pirates echo in a series of He is so peeved! So peeved!Oh yes! JONATHAN paces back and forth across the stage as theother pirates are following him. As he turns around on about his thirdor fourth pace, he runs into the others. JONATHAN and the pirates areboth trying to get around each other but keep going the same way.

JONATHAN finally pushes through and continues pacing)


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JONATHAN: Where could they be?! (Pirates keep repeating what he issaying) I mean, they couldnt have gone far!

ALL PIRATES: Nope! Not far Not at all!

JONATHAN: Would you idiots stop copyin everything I say?!

BAILEY: Stop copying everything you say! Oops uh yeah Right.

JONATHAN: (Sarcastically) Thank you

(All exit left)

(After a few moments, ALEXIS enters right and collapses center stagewhile holding her now very bloody arm)

46

ALEXIS: Man, this hurts! I dont think I can go any farther. I might aswell just stay here till I die. (Looks at her wound and groans)

(JANE, DESTINY, and ROSE enter left and see ALEXIS bleeding on theground. JANE faints. As JANE falls to the ground, she accidentally hitsROSE in the head and it knocks her out. DESTINY gasps and runs overto ALEXIS)

DESTINY: Alexis! Alexis! Are you okay? Speak to me!

(ALEXIS groans and rolls over on her back)

DESTINY: Alexis Thank goodness you are okay! What happened toyou? Where is Dakota? Oh no was she?

ALEXIS: (Still a little groggy) Whoa, whoa, whoa WOAH! Slow down!Okay here goes nothing: Pirates captured me and Dakota. One of themhad obviouslyhad a bad day or something because he cut my arm with

his sword. Dakota then beat the living crud out of them and gave mespecific directions. (She is losing focus because of the blood loss soDESTINY starts using various items to cure ALEXISS arm)

DESTINY: With all of the things that Ive been through, its a good thingI know some good remedies for this stuff.

ALEXIS: Huh? What what do you mean?

DESTINY: Uh nothing. Anyway, what were your directions? Try not to


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use too much energy to speak.

(JANE and ROSE slowly come to and scramble over to ALEXIS andDESTINY)

JANE: Eww! Totallygross!

ALEXIS: Ugh, yeah thanks

JANE: Sorry.47

ALEXIS: Whatever.

ROSE: What happened?

DESTINY: Tell you later. Now what were the directions that Dakotagave you, Alexis?

ALEXIS: She told me to come back to camp and after my wound gotsome treatment, gather the others, sharpen sticks, build a raft, and ifshe didnt come back within an hour, leave without her

JANE/DESTINY/ROSE: WHAT?! Were NOT leaving without her!

ALEXIS: No need to shout, Im RIGHT here. Anyway, thats what I said,but she said that she could not risk putting any of us in any moredanger.

ROSE: Great We have NO leader!DESTINY: Dont say that!

ALEXIS: I know Dakota, and she is one tough chick. She is not one togive up easily. By the way, I forgot to mention something. Its kind ofimportant.

ROSE: What is it?

ALEXIS: They were looking for a map. They kept asking us if we knew

anything about one, and we told them nothing of the search.

ROSE: Well THAT would have been some good information to know!

DESTINY: Take it easy on her. Do you think her day has been verypeachy?

ROSE: By the looks of it, Im gonna go with a no?

(DESTINY and ALEXIS give her a look)


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JANE: What ever happened to Dakota? You never told us, or was I out?

48DESTINY: Yeah, what did happen to her?

ALEXIS: Right, she said that shed fight them off for as long as shecould.

ROSE: So that means

DESTINY: She was, you know

JANE: Or shes kicking some serious pirate booty! (Laughs) See what Idid there? See what I did there? (Everyone gives her a look) What? Itscalled a pun!

DESTINY: Yeah we know what its called.

(FATHER ABRAM and MATHEW enter right)

FATHER ABRAM: (Sees ALEXIS) Oh Lord! What has happened here?!

(Everyone stands up except ALEXIS, who is now being aided byFATHER ABRAM)

MATHEW: (Puts his hands on ROSES shoulders) What happened?!

ROSE: (She is in a daze by him) Eeeeeeeeeepppp!!!!!!!!!!

(MATHEW quickly takes his hands off of her shoulders and they bothjust awkwardly stand there)

JANE: Wh- what she meantto say was is that (Looks at ALEXIS who islooking at her and nodding) there are pirates.

DESTINY: We dont have time to tell you the whole story right now.

ALEXIS: We will tell you on the way.

EVERYONE: Huh?

ALEXIS: (Stands up) We have to save Dakota. Even if it is the last thingwe ever do!

49JANE: It actually might be the last thing we ever do.

ALEXIS: As long as we tried to do the right thing, we shall not die in


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vain!

FATHER ABRAM: It looks like someone has been reading theirscriptures!

ALEXIS: Whos with me?

(One by one, everyone says I)

ALEXIS: Great! Lets go.

(Everyone exits left. BLACKOUT)

Act Three, Scene Two

(Lights up as DAKOTA is still tied up and sitting center stage. She iscrying)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I am getting impatient! Where could they be?

LAYNE: Maybe they sailed off the island and left her to die here.

(DAKOTA squirms)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Aww look! Shes cryin! Take the bandana off hermouth, and lets see what she has to say!

(LAYNE unties DAKOTAS mouth)

DAKOTA: If my friends truly care, they will believe in me and know thatI am coming back!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: You really think that this isnt really happening? Youkeep telling yourself this, so you are actually starting to believe it!

They are NEVER coming back. They left you! Pretty soon the pirateswill be here. Once more, do ye have a map?!

DAKOTA: NO!

50CAPTAIN ABBEY: (Slaps her) Fine, be that way!

LAYNE: Captain

CAPTAIN ABBEY: (Whips around) WHAT?

LAYNE: (Looking out stage left) Here they come

CAPTAIN ABBEY: (Unties DAKOTAS legs and yanks her to her feet) Get


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up!

DAKOTA: I hate you.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I can live with that!

BRANDON: (From offstage) There they be!

JONATHAN: Come on men! Lets get them!

ALL PIRATES: AAAARRRG!!!!!

(ALL PIRATES enter left with their swords drawn)

CAPTAIN ABBEY/LAYNE: EEEEEEEEPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!(LAYNE hides behind DAKOTA)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Layne! What are ye doin?

LAYNE: What does it look like? Im doing? Im hiding!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well make room for me!

(Hides behind LAYNE. The pirates all look at each other. They thensurround them, capturing them. ALEXIS, ROSE, DESTINY, JANE,MATHEW, and FATHER ABRAM enter left)

ROSE: Oh no!

DESTINY: This is terrible!

51JANE: Poor Dakota!

MATHEW: We have to save them.

BAILEY: Whoa

ETHAN: Women!!!

JACOB: Where did they come from?

JONATHAN: Who cares?! GET THEM!

ALEXIS: CHARGE!

(The castaways should be carrying sharpened sticks when they come


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in. They use that to fight with. Everyone should be fighting withsomeone, except DAKOTA, who is still tied up. FATHER ABRAM untiesher)

FATHER ABRAM: Hey! (Trying to stop the fighting) Hey! HEY!

DAKOTA: HEEEEYY!!!!!!!

(Everyone stops)

FATHER ABRAM: Thank you! Now, look what has come between us.This! (Pulls out the last piece to the map. JONATHAN reaches for themap but FATHER ABRAM raises it out of his reach)

JONATHAN: Not fair

FATHER ABRAM: Is too. Now stop fighting!

EVERYONE: NO!!!

(Keep fighting. JONATHAN grabs CAPTAIN ABBEY from behind andholds the sword to his throat. SAMUEL does the same with LAYNE)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: DAKOTA!

52DAKOTA: (Fighting still) WHAT?!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I have something to tell you!

DAKOTA: Right NOW?! Really? In case you havent noticed, I am a littlemad at you right now!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: (Trying to get free) It is important!

DAKOTA: WHAT?!

CAPTAIN ABBEY: (Gulps nervously) I am your FATHER!!!

(Everyone freezes immediately in shock)

Everyone: WHOA

DAKOTA: What?

CAPATIN ABBEY: Yes

DAKOTA: I- I I cant believe this!


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CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well you had better, because it is true.

DAKOTA: But that would mean that you were the one that told me allof those childhood stories, you leaving when I was little, you could tellthat I was lying when I said that I didnt know anything about a map.Why?

(Pulls away from JONATHAN and slowly walks toward DAKOTA)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I was born to live the life of a pirate and sail the seas,but I didnt want you to have the same terrible future. Leaving you andyour mother was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it had to bedone.

JONATHAN: (Clears throat to interrupt the moment) Ahem? Not tointerrupt this beautiful moment, but there is a mutiny in progress sowould you mind?

53FATHER ABRAM: How can there be a mutiny, of there is nothing to fightfor?

JOANTHAN: Of course there is something to (Turns around to find thelast piece to the map shredded up and thrown all over the ground.

JONATHAN yells, gets on his hands and knees and picks through thepile)

JONATHAN: No!!!!! You fool!

SAMUEL: So. Does that mean that we can never find the treasure?

(LAYNE pulls away quickly)

LAYNE: I guess not

BRANDON: Well then

BAILEY: I guess that was a little pointless.

FATHER ABRAM: It was not pointless. This will teach you all a valuablelesson that hopefully you can all learn from.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Well what do ye say that we forget the past. Imsorry.

(All pirates except JONATHAN laugh. He just shakes his hand)


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JONATHAN: I am too. Why dont we continue sailing the seas andscavenger the islands again, Captain?

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I appreciate the offer Jonathan, but I think I shouldreturn home and catch up on all of the years that I missed of mydaughters life. How does that sound sweetie?

DAKOTA: Sounds great, Dad.

ETHAN: (Struts over to ROSE) Hello there. Im Ethan, and who do I havethe pleasure of meeting?

ROSE: Im Rose, it is nice to meet you.

54ETHAN: The pleasure is all mine! Let me just say that you are the mostbeautiful person that I have seen in the whole world.

ROSE: Really?

ETHAN: Really.

MATHEW: (Crosses over to them) Rose?

ROSE: Mathew

MATHEW: Would you like to go grab a shake when we get back on the

mainland?

ETHAN: Oh, are you two dating?

MATHEW: We will be if that is how she wants it.

ETHAN: Or would you rather me make you one from the finestingredients on the island, my lady? (Bows)

MATHEW: Who will it be, Rose?

Rose: Choose? Well Ethan.

MATHEW: I thought you liked me?

ROSE: You knew?

MATHEW: You arent thatsecretive. Why, Rose?

ROSE: Before I ever went on this adventure, you never even noticed


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me. You treated me like I wasnt even there!

MATHEW: Rose, Im sorry.

ROSE: Well its too late for that, now isnt it? (Hooks arms withETHAN)

(MATHEW stomps away. DAKOTA walks over to LAYNE)

55DAKOTA: Hey.

LAYNE: Hey.

DAKOTA: Just to clarify, you arent my brother or anything, are you?

(CAPTAIN ABBEY walks over)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: No he isnt. (Chuckles)

DAKOTA: Okay, good, because youre pretty cute. If you were mybrother, this would just be awkward

LAYNE: Well its a good thing you arent, because I think youre cutetoo.

DAKOTA: (Blushes) Aww shucks!

(Both laugh)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: What is that I hear?

(The marriage song starts playing. CAPTAIN ABBEY is the priest.Everyone has a partner as they walk down the aisle. DAKOTA andLAYNE step up)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: I cant believe my baby is all grown up and gettingmarried!

DAKOTA: Ill be fine, dad. Trust me.

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Alright, darling.

(Everyone gets in position for the ceremony)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Layne, do you take my daughter (gives him asinister look to make sure that he treats her well) to be your wife?

LAYNE: Aye! I do.


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CAPTAIN ABBEY: Dakota, do you take Layne to be your husband?

DAKOTA: I sure do!56

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Are you sure???

DAKOTA: Yes Dad..

CAPTAIN ABBEY: (Reluctantly) Okay You may kiss the bride!(LAYNE and DAKOTA kiss lovingly while everyone claps)

CAPTAIN ABBEY: Okay you two take it easy. Dont swallow each other!Geesh!

(Everyone continues clapping. Upbeat music starts playing as everyoneruns up to LAYNE and DAKOTA to congratulate them. Then they all exitoff right. Bows may be organized however the director pleases)

The End!


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Beauty is a Beast

Cast of CharactersPRINCESS Beauty: (f) A spoiled princess who learns a lessonHONOR: (f) Beauty's kind sisterNICK: (m) A young strong peasant who meets BeautyFAIRY: (f) Beauty's fairy godmotherANDRES: (m) A blind prince from a neighboring kingdom*JANIE: (f) Nick's sisterSCRIBE: (m/f) A royal servantKING (or QUEEN): (m/f) Beauty and Honor's father (or mother)*TUTOR: (m/f) Beauty's tutor who has trouble tutoring her*GUARD: (m/f) A guard who makes Beauty's life difficult

*NICK's brothers and sisters: PETER, PATTY, CINDY, JIMMY, SAM, and MANDY*PEASANTS with speaking roles: JILL, MEG, MAY, MARY, SARAH, TIM, JO, MOLLY,

JOHN, SALLY, LADY

There are also numerous non-speaking parts: GUARDS, PEASANTS, PARTYGOERS,SERVANTS, CHILDREN*Parts that can be doubled. The following are some suggested ways of doublingparts:Guard/Peter

Janie/Tutor

Jo/Joe/Jill/LadySarah/Sally/CindyMary/Meg/PattyPeter/Tim/Mayor(May)/JohnSam/Jimmy/Bill

This play can be performed with as few as 15 actors or with as many as desired.

Time and PlaceThe Kingdom of CallentineOnce upon a time,

INTRODUCTION(A single light comes up on the Fairy)FAIRY: Now how is this story supposed to start. Let's see, Oh, yes. Once upon a timethere was a princess named Beauty who was lovelier than anyone else in the entirekingdom. But wait, that's not really when the story started. It really started longago, in a land far, far away, when Beauty was just a baby. Perhaps I should start bysaying twice upon a time. Anyway, There was a royal family, the royal family ofCallentine who had brought peace to their kingdom and led everyone out of theDark Ages, by inventing the light bulb. Just kidding. They were kind and fair rulers


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who did what was best for the people. As a reward for their good deeds, I decided tomake their newborn daughter the most beautiful person in the world. But as you willsoon see, making Beauty that way was a big mistake.(FAIRY snaps her fingers and lights go to black)SCENE 1(Lights come up on a medieval village. A castle rises [C] above the peasants' homes[L, R]. Villagers wander, going about their business. Two stop when they see the

beautiful PRINCESS)SARAH: Isn't she the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?

MARY: She is a vision of perfection.

(The PRINCESS notices them talking about her)

SARAH: Her parents must have been truly good to receive such a treasure.

PRINCESS: (Angry) What are you two staring at?

MARY: (Nervous) We were just,

PRINCESS: (Mocks her) "You were just" what? Staring? Gawking? Why don't you go somewhere and

mind your own business?

SARAH: Forgive us, Princess.

MARY: We didn't mean to offend you. We humbly beg forgiveness.

(SARAH and MARY rush away nervously)

PRINCESS: Yeah, well forgive this.

(She throws stones at them)

Ha! Got them.

(Laughs)That'll teach them.

TUTOR: (He comes from castle) Must you treat the peasants that way?

PRINCESS: (Pulls his long beard) I must!

TUTOR: Can't you behave like a lady?

PRINCESS: I will, if you will! (Laughs)

TUTOR: Quit acting like such a beast!

PRINCESS: Don't call me names or I'll have Daddy chop off your head like he did to the rest of my

tutors.

TUTOR: I meant it in the kindest way.

(She smiles at his change in tone. She throws another stone at a passing peasant)

I'm just worried about you. You don't seem to care for anyone or anything. Someday you'll insult the

wrong person and you'll be sorry.

PRINCESS: No, it's them who will be sorry. Guards!

(GUARDS appear and she points to TUTOR)

Take him away.


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TUTOR: What? What did I do?

PRINCESS: He bores me. Off with his head.

(Laughs as the GUARDS drag him off screaming)

So what is on my schedule today?

(She snaps her fingers and a SCRIBE appears in a hurry)

SCRIBE: (Nervously struggling to hold on to numerous scrolls in his arms) Yes, Princess?

PRINCESS: (Knocks all the scrolls out of his arms) Read me my schedule.

SCRIBE: (Scrambles to find the right scroll on the ground) Well, you have a hair appointment at 9, a

dress fitting at 10, a,

PRINCESS: Enough! I want to have a party instead.

SCRIBE: But Princess,

PRINCESS: BUT WHAT?

(PEASANTS stop to see what is going on)

SCRIBE: But of course, I'll go arrange it immediately.

PRINCESS: Good scribe. (Pats him on the head) You always keep your head about you.

SCRIBE: Yes, quite. (EXITS)

PRINCESS: (To PEASANTS) What are you staring at?

(They scrabble away)

HONOR: (ENTERS) Hello, sister. How are you this fair day?

PRINCESS: Are you really that nice or are you just pretending?

HONOR: What ever do you mean good sister?

PRINCESS: You're always so sweet. Don't you ever get sick of being sweet?

HONOR: (Laughs) Oh, sister, you always speak in such strange riddles. You always make me laugh.

PRINCESS: And you always make me sick.

HONOR: Where is your fair scribe off to?

PRINCESS: He is preparing a party.

HONOR: Oh, dear.

PRINCESS: Oh, dear, what?

HONOR: I already had a party planned.

PRINCESS: You? You never have parties. You're not the popular one.

HONOR: I know. I thought it was a silly idea too, but father insisted.

PRINCESS: Whatever for?


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HONOR: Well, uh,

(Blushes)

PRINCESS: Well, uh, WHAT?

HONOR: You see, uh,

PRINCESS: Out with it, girl!

HONOR: There's this prince.

PRINCESS: What prince?

HONOR: Prince Andres of Acrime.

PRINCESS: Never heard of him.

HONOR: He is soon to be the king of Acrime.

PRINCESS: Acrime? Where the devil is that?

HONOR: Sister? Did you not learn your geography lessons?

PRINCESS: Who cares about stupid geography?HONOR: Well, Acrime is the large kingdom East of here. Daddy says the kingdom is larger than ours.

PRINCESS: Larger than ours?! Impossible.

HONOR: You're probably right.

PRINCESS: So why are you having a party for this prince?

(HONOR blushes and is silent)

Oh, I know! The party is for me! So I can meet Andres. And I spoiled the surprise. How horrible of me.Well, I will be sufficiently surprised when you introduce me.

HONOR: Well, actually,

PRINCESS: I know you don't want me to lie but it isn't really lying. We wouldn't want to disappoint

father.

HONOR: But,

PRINCESS: I must hurry and get on my most lovely dress. I want to look my best for our guest. Not that I

don't always look my best. I know one can't improve on perfect beauty, but I shall try.

(PRINCESS exits happily)

HONOR: (Sad) Actually, the party was for me.

(EXITS. FAIRY appears)

FAIRY: Ahhh. Poor Honor. That girl has put up with so much. Beauty has always treated her so badly,

but Honor continues to be as kind as ever. I must do something for Honor. I must reward her for her

goodness in some way. Maybe I could give her a golden

brush, a magic mirror. Oh, I know.

(Snaps her fingers)

How about a handsome prince?


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(ANDRES walks in. Stands proudly)

Yes, that should do nicely. That will infuriate Beauty for sure.

(Thinks)

But how can I keep Beauty from stealing him? Oh, I know.

(Snaps her fingers and ANDRES stumbles and waves his arms around)

I'll make him blind. That will protect him from Beauty's powers.

(FAIRY disappears. PEASANTS go about their business until they see ANDRES)

SAM: Look! Over there. A stranger.

JANIE: He looks like a prince.

MEG: That's Prince Andres of Acrime.

TIM: He's rich.

JO: And powerful.

SAM: He must be here to see our Princess Beauty.

JANIE: Or maybe he's here to see her sister, Honor.

MEG: But Beauty is so much prettier.

TIM: But Honor is so much nicer.

JO: Maybe he's here to see us.

SAM: Dream on.

ANDRES: Good peasants.

(ANDRES is guided by servants because of his blindness)

JANIE: Hello, good prince.

ANDRES: Is this the castle of the fair princess of Callentine?

MEG: Maybe. Which princess?

ANDRES: Oh, yes. There is more than one.

TIM: Beauty and Honor.

ANDRES: Yes. This is the castle I seek. Thank you good people.

(He tosses them gold coins)

JO: Thank you good sir!

(ANDRES exits with servants)

SAM: But he never said whom he was coming for.

MEG: I'm sure we'll find out. No one can ever keep a secret in this kingdom.

JANIE: Why are you looking at me?

TIM: Come, we're late for the party.

(THEY all rush off to the party and FAIRY reappears)


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FAIRY: I just love a party. They might as well call it a surprise party because Beauty is going to get the

surprise of her life.

(Smiles)

And she ain't gonna like it one bit.

(Snaps her fingers and lights go black)

SCENE 2: PARTY

(Many people are attending the party. Everyone is in fancy costumes and dances to the music. HONORand the KING join in. BEAUTY hangs back and looks pretty)

HONOR: (After dancing) Come dance the next dance, sister.

PRINCESS: I don't want to mess up my dress.

HONOR: But it's so fun.

PRINCESS: There are some things more important than having fun.

HONOR: Like what?

PRINCESS: Go and enjoy yourself. I'll wait here for the prince to arrive.

HONOR: He already has.

PRINCESS: What? And he didn't say hi to me yet. Hasn't he spotted my absolute beauty? Hasn't he seen

how radiant I am today?

HONOR: Uh, Beauty.

PRINCESS: What?

HONOR: He hasn't seen anything.

PRINCESS: What do you mean?

HONOR: He's blind.

PRINCESS: Blind? You mean he can't see?

HONOR: I'm afraid not.

PRINCESS: He can't even see my beautiful new dress?

HONOR: I'm sorry.

PRINCESS: (Nervous) Then, then I'll have to go talk to him.

HONOR: That would be a lovely idea.

PRINCESS: Yes, talk. I can do that.

HONOR: Come. I'll introduce you.

PRINCESS: Yes, yes. Okay. Just give me a minute.


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HONOR: I'll bring him over.

(HONOR goes to get ANDRES)

PRINCESS: Oh, dear. What am I going to say? What can we

talk about? "What do you think of my hair?" No, I can't say that. "What do you think of my shoes?" No,

that won't work either. What shall I do?

HONOR: (Brings over ANDRES) Andres. This is my sister, Beauty.

(ANDRES holds out his hand. PRINCESS reluctantly reaches out her hand. ANDRES takes her hand)ANDRES: It is a pleasure to meet you.

(He kisses her hand)

PRINCESS: So good to meet you too.

(Silence)

Uh, so. How do you like my, I mean, how do you like?

ANDRES: The party?

PRINCESS: Yes.

ANDRES: It's wonderful. Especially the music. I love the music.

PRINCESS: I hadn't noticed.

ANDRES: It's delightful.

(Silence)

PRINCESS: Well, guess you want to run along.

ANDRES: Honor did say she was going to give me a tour of the kingdom after the party. I'm looking

forward to it.

PRINCESS: You are?

HONOR: It's such a beautiful day outside. It should be lovely.

ANDRES: Your sister has been so kind to me. I wish I'd heard about your kingdom years ago.

PRINCESS: (Insincere) Yes, me too.

HONOR: Come, Andres. Let's have one more dance.

PRINCESS: You can dance?

ANDRES: Well, not really.

HONOR: But I can't either, so we make perfect partners.

ANDRES: We do!

PRINCESS: Yes, I guess you do.

(Another dance begins and HONOR and ANDRES join in. PRINCESS watches unhappily)

Some sister Honor is. She goes and steals my prince.

PRINCESS: Well, I'll show her. When I'm declared Queen of the Ball, as usual, then Andres will realize


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who the best princess is.

KING: Attention everyone! Attention!

(Everyone gathers around)

We now must crown the Queen of the Ball.

(PRINCESS crosses to her father proudly)

And for the first time, the voting was unanimous. The envelope please.(SCRIBE brings envelope)

And the winner is, Princess Honor.

(HONOR is shocked, as is PRINCESS. ANDRES cheers, as do the PEOPLE)PEOPLE and ANDRES: Hip-hip hurray! Hip-hip hurray.

(HONOR is crowned and given flowers. She is embarrassed)

HONOR: This is such a special day for me. I will remember this always.

KING: As our Queen of the Ball, you have the opportunity to make one royal decree.

PRINCESS: (to a nearby person) No one can top my last one: a chance to vote on which dress I look best

in. I spent a whole day modeling my dresses. What a chore.

HONOR: As Queen of the Ball, I decree that tomorrow will be a holiday.

PEOPLE: No work! Hurray.

HONOR: And we will have a feast for ALL the people of our kingdom. Rich and poor.

PEOPLE: Hurray!

HONOR: And,

PRINCESS: She's only allowed one thing. That's two.

(She is totally ignored)

HONOR: We, we,

(HONOR is totally embarrassed. ANDRES steps forward)

ANDRES: Tomorrow we will have a wedding. Honor has agreed to marry me.

PRINCESS: What?

PEOPLE: Hip-hip hurray! Hip-hip hurray!

(PEOPLE crowd around ANDRES and HONOR and they all hurry off stage excitedly. SERVANTSlinger, cleaning up)

PRINCESS: I can't believe this. They didn't even notice me today. I might as well be invisible.

(FAIRY godmother appears)

FAIRY: That can be arranged.

(She taps PRINCESS with her wand.)

PRINCESS: Hey! What did you just do?

FAIRY: I made you invisible.

PRINCESS: You did?


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FAIRY: I did. You have been the center of attention for too long. It's time you learned what it's like not to

be noticed.

PRINCESS: Who do you think you are?

FAIRY: I'm your fairy godmother.

PRINCESS: Aren't you supposed to be nice to me?

FAIRY: I was once. I'm the one who made you beautiful when you were a baby. Now I'm here to correctmy error.

PRINCESS: Error. That was no error.

FAIRY: It was Beauty. You may be lovely on the outside but you

are ugly on the inside.

PRINCESS: How dare you call me ugly!

FAIRY: You must stay invisible until you learn!

PRINCESS: Invisible huh? This could be fun.(She kicks a servant who thinks its another one. They get in a fight as a result)

Oh, how lovely.

(She pulls another servant's hair)

FAIRY: Oh, dear.

(PRINCESS picks up something and makes it float around)

MOLLY: It's a ghost.

(SERVANTS scream and run out)

PRINCESS: This is great!

FAIRY: Maybe I need to rethink this.

(Zaps PRINCESS and she freezes)

Perhaps there is another way.

(She waves her wand)

Zippidy , wippidy , mippidy . do. You pick on servants and now they will pick on you!

(PRINCESS collapses and BLACKOUT)

SCENE 3

(KING, HONOR, and ANDRES gather to talk to the SCRIBE)

KING: This is dreadful. Are you sure she is nowhere to be found?

SCRIBE: I'm sorry, my king. We have looked everywhere. She has just disappeared.

HONOR: This is all my fault.

ANDRES: No, it isn't.

HONOR: Yes, I never should have hosted that ball. Beauty is the one who always has them. It's terrible of

me to take that from her. She must be so mad at me.

KING: You are just as able to have parties as she is. She has no right to be upset about that.


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HONOR: I must find her and talk to her. She must be devastated.

ANDRES: We will search everywhere for her, my princess. We won't stop until we find her.

KING: (To the SCRIBE)

Gather every available person. The search must begin immediately. A hundred pieces of gold to the onethat finds her.

SCRIBE: Yes, my king.(They all depart)

FAIRY: This is all going according to my plan. Yes, I have a plan, believe it or not. You think I'm making

this up as I go along, don't you? Well, you'll see. This story will have a happy ending. I'll bet my wand on

it. Now, to check on Beauty.

(Snaps fingers and blackout)

SCENE 4

(Outside the castle there is a strong man contest going on.

Different people compete, trying the lift various objects)

MAYOR: Now we're down to two men. Nick and Joe. Joe will go first.

JOE: No problem.

(Crowd cheers him on. He strains and doesn't pick up the object)

MAYOR: Now you, Nick.

NICK: I'll give it a try.

(Tries to lift it. Strains. Then does. Crowd goes wild)

MAYOR: Nick is the winner!(Girls wave to him and blow kisses. Guys pat him on the back and shake his hand)

NICK: Thank you everyone. You are too kind.

MAYOR: And your prize.

(Hands over bag)

NICK: Five pieces of gold! That will feed my whole family for a month.

MAYOR: Congratulations.

NICK: Wow!

JILL: That's quite a prize.

NICK: You can say that again.

JILL: Do you need someone to help you spend it?

NICK: I plan using this to feed all my brothers and sisters.

JILL: Oh, you're no fun. Come on. Live a little. Let's throw a party.


60/77

NICK: I'm not going to waste this money on some silly party.

JILL: I'll dance every dance with you. I won't leave your side.

NICK: No, Jill. Forget it. I'd rather feed my family a month, then play for a day.

JILL: Would you do it for a kiss?

NICK: Good-bye, Jill.

JILL: Fine. Be that way. There are a million boys that like me.I'll go dance with one of them.

NICK: You do that.

MAYOR: Jill certainly is a beautiful girl, Nick. How come you don't like her?

NICK: She doesn't understand how important this money is to my family.

MAYOR: I must say I admire you, my boy. Not many young men your age would give up everything for

a bunch of little orphan kids.

NICK: As far as I know I haven't given up anything for them. My family and I have food, clothes, and aroof over our heads. What more could anyone want?

MAYOR: You got me there. Come, I want to introduce you to some friends of mine.

(MAYOR and NICK exit. PRINCESS enters in rags. She is completely messed up. She is dizzy and

confused)

PRINCESS: Where am I?

MEG: Who are you?

PRINCESS: I'm Beauty.

JOHN: That's a funny name.

PRINCESS: What's so funny about it?

SALLY: Well, you're not exactly,

(NICK enters and notices the PRINCESS is upset)

PRINCESS: (Notices her clothing)

Oh, what happened? Where are my lovely dresses? Who did this to me?

(Realizes)

My fairy godmother did this. Where are you? I demand you come

to me immediately.

MEG: She's crazy.

SALLY: Let's go, Meg.

(NICK goes up to PRINCESS)

MEG: See you later, crazy girl.

SALLY: (To MEG as they go)


61/77

They should call her Ugly, not Beauty.

BEAUTY: Yeah, well, if I weren't so nice, I'd call you a thing or two.

NICK: What seems to be the trouble?

(PRINCESS notices how handsome NICK is)

PRINCESS: Uh, hi. I seem to have been greatly wronged and am seeking restitution.

NICK: Oh,PRINCESS: Believe it or not, I am Princess Beauty.

(NICK tries not to laugh)

What's so funny?

NICK: It's just that, you look nothing like her.

PRINCESS: I know. My fairy godmother did this too me.

NICK: I thought fairy godmothers were supposed to be helpful.

PRINCESS: So did I. Where is she?(Yells)

This isn't funny, fairy godmother. If you don't turn me back now, you'll be sorry.

NICK: If you're really Beauty, why don't you just go home and tell them what happened? You can take a

bath and get cleaned up and it will be okay.

PRINCESS: That's an excellent idea.(She marches up to the castle gate)

Hello, you stupid servants. Let me in. It's Princess Beauty.

(They scramble and rush to open the door. But they stop her)

Get out of my way.

GUARD: Sorry, but you're not Princess Beauty.

PRINCESS: I am so.

GUARD: You can't possibly be.

PRINCESS: Step asid

drama beauty is a beast

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