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E-book Version of

Asperger's School Q&A (Originally Email Course)

Some of the questions answered are:

ORGANIZATION - "What has worked for other parents?" MIDDLE SCHOOL - "Tips for first day success?” BULLIES - “How to avoid being bullied at high school?” NEW SCHOOL - "How can I help my son be ok with changing schools?" MORNING ROUTINE - "I struggle with getting him to take a shower & go to

school on a daily basis , what can I do?" KICKED OUT OF LESSONS - "My son gets sent out of class for being

"disruptive", how to approach the school?" FITTING IN - "How can my son make friends in class?" HOMEWORK - "My son struggles with homework - WHY?" HIGH SCHOOL - "Help! How can I prepare my teen?"

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School Q&A #1 - Thanks for signing up plus Q&A #1 about

BULLIES

Thanks for signing up to the Asperger's School Q&A Mini-Course. Over the next few days you’ll be getting a number of emails delivering this important information. Today’s message covers a question from a grandparent: “How might we advise our 16 year old grandson (Aspie) with some techniques to avoid being bullied this year at high school?” An all too common topic, as it’s estimated 90%-100% of children with Asperger’s are bullied. So what can you do to help your child? Obviously you can’t be there in school. So it’s all about the preparation. What makes them vulnerable in the first place? Then reduce it: * Honesty – Aspies tend to be TOO brutally honest. Generally a good trait, but causes trouble. Discuss this issue and how to get round it (use role play and watch scenes from movies like Jim Carrey’s ‘Liar Liar’). * Hygiene – The “smelly kid" is an easy target for others. Now I know this a big challenge for many children on the spectrum. But look at sensory discomfort issues (e.g. shampoo, soap, toothpaste, deodorant) organizational issues (e.g. need for a morning hygiene plan/timetable), and some good old fashioned motivational bribery (sticker charts, internet time, money – dependent on age and tastes). * Own interests – Often children with ASD can be VERY focused on 1 topic. This topic is often unpopular (although occasionally things like Pokemon and Harry Potter come along to save the day!) Work on showing them not to ‘overload’ others with their fave topic.

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* Other people’s interests – To build relationships, people need to like you. THE best way to do this is be interested in them. Help your child to ask questions to others about their interests, and then how to respond appropriately. Teach them to remember this phrase “You're always safe talking about the other person’s world” (people love to talk about themselves). * Trends and appearance – Now I’m not all about everyone liking and looking the same. But in teen years it’s a pretty big deal. So any way you can help your teen get familiar with popular topics, and how teens are dressing (including hairstyle) – can only be a good thing to avoid standing out. This gives you some starting topics to help protect your child form bullies. I go more in depth on this subject in the new Asperger’s School Stress Buster Package. It contains an hour long interview with Jeff Deustch (adult aspie and life coach) about his experiences being bullied, and what he learned from them: : https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/ You also get my eBook "How To Outwit, Outsmart and Outmaneuver the Bullies" which reveals 3 tell tales signs your child's being bullied (even when they're too scared to say) . . . your child's legal rights if they are bullied in the USA, UK or Australia . . . how 'The Secret Service' can stop your child's bullies . . . exact words your child should say to stop the bully in their tracks . . . steps to take when your child's bullied, and the school won’t do anything. To register your interest in The Asperger’s School Stress Buster Package, go to this web page: https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/ To stopping bullies, Dave Angel

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School Q&A #2 - Online all night, Refusing to go to school

Today I'm answering the following from a worried mom:

"He's currently not attending school, he can't deal with the pressure of the work,

uniform and peers. Sleep pattern is all

wrong, goes to bed early hours of the morning and wakes at 1-2 pm. Obsessed

with watching videos online. His self esteem is low."

No quick fix.

Matters have come to a head over time. Lots of problems to unpick.

Mom mentions 3 ... Work ... Uniform ... Peers.

All pretty tough on their own. Stacked on one another even worse. 3 lots of

problems = 3 x the stress, anxiety and worry.

No wonder he's off school.

Retreating to a safe world of late nights online and day time sleeping.

What to do?

The key is to look at partial school return. An hour a day at first. Slowly increasing.

Needs strict adherence.

If necessary the internet goes off at a certain hour to allow enough sleep.

Likely to cause big outbursts initially - should reduce with time.

Left to his own devices he’s likely to be living this (non) life for years to come.

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Before you know it he’s no longer 16 and refusing school.

He’s 26 and refusing to engage with the outside world. The classic stereotype –

living in parent's basement, no job, no outside contact, living a life of sleep all day

and internet all night.

Such a waste of potential.

So whilst this needs to be done sensitively – the barriers need to be put in place.

The plans drawn up together . . . for a phased and slow return to school.

(And of course you need school fully on board and signed up too – which is

another topic altogether).

This is a basic idea to get you going. However if your child is refusing school, or

likely to do so, you may need some further information. In my interview with

veteran School Psychologist Dr.

Stephan Silverman I ask him about this exact topic. And he goes into more depth

about how to set up a successful planned return to school.

You can get a copy of this interview with the “Asperger’s School Stress Buster

Package” at: https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/

To school success,

Dave Angel

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School Q&A #3 - How to make the first day of Middle School a success

Answering this parents question today:

“She is starting middle school, any tips on making the 1st day a success?"

'Tis a big step for all children to head to middle school.

Throw in Asperger's it's even more daunting (for you and your child).

First of all it's change, which is never good.

New teacher, new classmates, new building, new classroom, new books, new schedule, new rules... etc.

Not to mention higher expectations and a faster pace of life.

It's no wonder your child (and you) are anxious.

What can you do to lessen the trauma?

Here's 5 suggestions:

* Tour the new school (outside normal school times) - take photos and video.

* Ask the school for an early copy of your child's class schedule. Visit and walk the route your child will need to navigate between classes.

* Find out what clubs are on offer. Encourage your child to join in if they enjoy the topic. A great place for friends and shared interest.

* Role play likely first day scenarios (e.g. meeting new kids, what to do at recess, how to address the teacher).

* Meet school teachers beforehand and give them details of your child's strengths & needs.

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Do this preparation work and it'll help Day 1 go better. Still won't be easy. However these tips should give your child more confidence. And if you need help with the last tip (explaining Asperger's and your child's individual needs) look no further. We've got a simple system called "Teaching the Teachers about Asperger's". It takes you less than an hour - and will better prepare your teacher for the year ahead. For full details: https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/

To happier schooling,

Dave Angel

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School Q&A #4 - How to survive a new school

OK latest parents Q&A installment – going to a new school. Could be relocation or just the inevitable time to go up to middle or high school. No matter. It’s tough. And that nasty 6 letter word comes up again: CHANGE! Let’s break it down to see why a change in schools is such a big problem. Communication – Talking to new people. Understanding their words and non verbal communication. This makes people with ASD anxious. Hectic – The leap to Middle and High School means more frequent changes. Every day. More lessons. More different class rooms. Mixing with more kids. Awkwardness – Children with ASD can appear a little awkward to others. Not surprising – they’re trying SO hard to fit in, sometimes it just shows. Also related issues like clumsy gait, limited interested in fashion and hairstyles – can also make them appear a little outside of the crowd. Niche – Often young people with ASD have a BIG interest on a narrow, niche topic. Great when they meet others of that interest (e.g. role play games, dinosaurs, rocks, horses) but in a general class their favored topic can really get in the way of relationship building. Groups – Schools become more about being part of the ‘in crowd’ the older you get. So daunting to try and get in with a group when you hit the new school. Emotions – Keeping emotions in check. When the teacher doesn’t really ‘get’ you, and class mates are intolerant it’s tough. Yet emotional outbursts make you stand out even more. The best way to deal with all of this is Preparation:

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Role play scenarios with teachers, classmates, even bullies. Visit the school – get used to the physical layout, teaching staff, smells and

sounds of the school. Use specials interests positively. Check schools clubs, local groups which

may plug your child in with like minded kids. Predict ‘flash points’ for your child – Look at how they can handle them

when they occur (e.g. a safe space, person to approach, ‘traffic light card system’ to show how they’re feeling).

Gonna be a time of high anxiety. Change brings that for people with ASD. But with your solid and unconditional love and support. Plus some positive planning – you can ease that burden. And if you’d like to give your child the best possible chance at a new school you can get even more helpful tips and hints in our Asperger’s School Stress Buster Package at: https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/ To coping with change, Dave Angel

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School Q&A #5 - Tips for the Dreaded School Morning Routine

OK. This is one of the most frequent topics I get asked about - morning hygiene

routine.

Take it away anon mom:

“I'm a mother of a 13 year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome I

struggle getting him to go to school do

you have any suggestions on how I can make it easier on him to go. Getting him

to take a shower & go to school are the hardest

things I deal with on a daily basis.”

A lot of this is sensory based.

Certain smells, tastes, textures, water temperature etc. may prevent them from

feeling comfortable using different hygiene products. This takes a lot

of trial ‘n’ error (search internet groups to speed up the process by reading

solutions other parents have found.).

Could be understanding too. Model good hygiene habits. Talk them through the

stages of a good shower, bath, teeth clean. Make social stories, visual schedule,

or simple directions on the

bathroom wall.

Will bribery work? Nothing outrageous. But increased internet access for

speedier and more effective morning routine, seems pretty win-win to me.

Clothing. Annoying tags or tight fitting clothes can often be a no no. Go for

plainer, no tags and baggier clothes for ease.

Get to the bottom of even just the sensory issues and you’re on the road to a

smoother morning. May take a little time and persistence though.

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And talking of school. Getting your child there each day is just the start of it. They

have to survive the hugely testing arena of school for about 6 or 7 hrs per day.

And boy can it be

testing. For your child to go through it. And for you too. Preparing them,

watching them go through it, and trying to pick up the pieces afterwards.

Need a little helping hand?

The Asperger’s School Stress Buster Package can give you and your child the

boost you need. This exclusive package covers pretty much any school problems

you'll encounter and features:

• "59 Frequently Answered Questions on Schooling & ASD" (eBook) - This 143

page resource is packed with proven tips, tricks & techniques to deal with your

child's school.

• "Teach the Teachers about Asperger’s (eBook)" - A simple 2 step system - gives

your child's teacher a GOOD understanding of your child's needs (takes less than

60 minutes to use).

• "How To Outwit, Outsmart and Outmaneuver the Bullies" (eBook) - A 29 page

resource which contains over 72 practical tips and solutions to bullying problems.

• "Homework Help Guide" (eBook) - Inside this 39 page guide you'll discover

proven tips, tricks & techniques to take (most) of the unnecessary pain out of

homework.

• Asperger’s Education Program (eBook) - This monster resource has 198 pages

of expert information on school meltdowns, IEP's, anxiety, school refusal, tests,

friendships and more.

To register your interest ==>

https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/

To school success,

Dave Angel

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School Q&A #6 - Sheldon Cooper & The Double Edged Sword of Asperger's

Several times in the past 2 days I’ve talked about honesty in school. One of the double edged swords of Asperger’s. It's a great trait in general . However in the world we live in; unadulterated, unfiltered honesty can make you unpopular in certain situations. “Does this new dress make me look slim?” Rightly or wrongly white lies and partial honesty are part of daily discussion. It’s often a big part of whether or not we actually like somebody. So it’s a big deal. One adult with ASD commented on a popular forum: “I lost many friends in my life for being too honest, it seems like not many people likes to know the truth about some themes” So how to help your child avoid this trap? Well a great solution, from a mom, popped up on my Facebook page yesterday. So here I’d like to shareth it with you: “I dealt with the blatant honesty by having my son watch Big Bang theory. I asked if he understood why people got upset with Sheldon, at first he didn't, as we watched more, he started getting it. Now when he slips, we call him Sheldon, he apologizes, and we move on. He's really getting better, I'm very proud of him.” Bingo! A popular TV show. A’ fun’ way to learn. Something you can do naturally as part of your day.

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Just a great approach to teaching such an important skill. And blatant honesty is just one of the many challenges which can cause your child problems at school. And if you'd like some help to improve your child's school chances . . . we've got 5 resources covering all sorts of tips, tricks and techniques to make the school experience run smoother. It's called The Asperger's School Stress Buster Package and contains:

"59 Frequently Answered Questions on Schooling & ASD" (eBook) - This 143 page resource is packed with ideas to deal with your child's school.

"Teach the Teachers about Asperger’s (eBook)" - A simple 2 step system - gives your child's teacher a GOOD understanding of your child's needs (takes less than 1 hr).

"How To Outwit, Outsmart and Outmaneuver the Bullies" (eBook) - A 29 page resource which contains over 72 practical tips and solutions to bullying problems.

"Homework Help Guide" (eBook) - Inside this 39 page guide you'll discover proven tips, tricks & techniques to take (most) of the unnecessary pain out of homework.

Asperger’s Education Program (eBook) - This monster resource has 198 pages of expert information on school meltdowns, IEP's, anxiety, school refusal, tests, friendships and more.

To grab your copy of this unique package go to: https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/ To re-discovering honesty, Dave Angel

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School Q&A #7 - A simple way to increase your child's chances of making friends

Fitting in . . . Making friends . . . Being part of the crowd . . . As I’m sure you know – it’s a really difficult job for children with ASD. So I wanted to share a great tip to help your child develop some friendship skills. It’s from an interview I did with Joan Nash (a School Psychologist with over 25 years experience in Michigan and Connecticut). Here's what she sayeth: “I was having a tough time with one of the boys that I was working with and he wasn't making a lot of progress. I spoke to another teacher , who suggested to back way off and have him be an observer. And so what I do sometimes with kids, is I have them sit at my desk and then they just observe a conversation between two other people. And their job is to figure out what each person is trying to say. When they're just listening and not involved, it becomes a lot easier for them.” Great idea - Takes off the pressure and makes it a lot easier to understand the social 'back and forth' needed for friendship. You can do this at home with movies, TV, or real life “sat in the mall” conversations (but don’t get caught staring!) This tip was just a small extract of my interview with psychologist Joan Nash. She shared tons more valuable information like:

5 reasons kids with Asperger’s struggle to fit in at school . . . 1 key distinction to help girls with Asperger’s make friends . . . 2 proven ways to help children with ASD understand the view of others . . .

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BAD LOSER: 3 tips to stop game play ending in disaster . . . Discover this specially designed Asperger’s card game which helps children

talk about other topics; NOT just their special interest . . . The #1 mistake parents must avoid in trying to help their child build

friendships . . . What the Director of the Social Skills Research Clinic at Indiana University

says is ESSENTIAL for teaching children with ASD . . .

You can get Joan’s interview (plus 6 more expert interviews too) in The Asperger’s School Stress Buster Package at https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/

To friends, Dave Angel

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School Q&A #8 - Defusing the H Bomb

H-O-M-E-W-O-R-K! The sheer mention of the H-Bomb brings fear to the heart of any self respecting parent. As you know, it can be a huge issue for children with Asperger’s. Tantrums . . . screaming fits . . . refusal . . . throwing books. All quite possible. Pourquoi? Lots of possible reasons. Here’s 11: 1. They're exhausted after a day in their noisy . . . busy . . . bright . . . overcrowded classroom. 2. They want to get on with their special interests, not homework. 3. They are easily distracted at home (TV . . . movies . . . gaming . . . internet and more in easy reach). 4. They lack the organizational skills. 5. They become SO anxious. 6. They struggle with understanding the work. 7. They see school as school, and home as home, not to be mixed. 8. They can't see the point in it (WHY do I have it do it mom?) 9. They find writing or typing hard. 10. Some days they just “don’t feel like it”

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11. They lack confidence to do the task. There’s a lot more reasons too . . . this is for starters. No wonder it's such a hassle. No wonder it's such a battleground. No wonder it seems to last forever. Want to escape the sheer hell which frequent homework routines can bring? Well we can help you with that. Inside the current Asperger’s School Stress Buster Package you get a resource called the "Homework Help Guide". It’s a 39 page resource chock-full of practical solutions and PROVEN examples to take (most) of the unnecessary pain out of homework. If you’re interested then pack up your old school bag, of troubles, and head over to the following web page: https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/ To solving the homework blues, Dave Angel

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School Q&A #9 - 5 Tips for Aspie High School Survival

A worried parent writes:

“My son starts high school in September and I am really worried how he'll cope in

such a large school with all sorts of new

situations and children behaving in ways he will know to be wrong.”

Beginning high school is a major rite of passage in the life of a teen, and needs

preparation. Here’s 5 tips to help:

1. Become known - It’s essential you develop a strong, positive relationship with

your teen’s school administrators and

teaching staff. These adults need to know as much as possible about Asperger’s

Syndrome.

2. Get social - High school is all about social activities. Your teen may need extra

help with this. Social skills classes, role

playing at home, individual therapy and finding clubs of special interest will all

help.

3. Stay involved - As a parent you must be involved and proactive. You may have

to manage your teen’s movements, more

than the next parent. So be it. Do what you need to do, and ignore any critics who

cry ‘helicopter parent’.

4. Scheduling- Encourage your teen to make lists, write notes, and live by a

schedule. An hourly schedule, a picture schedule,

or even a daily check-off list will help keep them on track.

5. Right and wrong - High school years are a time of experimentation for many

(sexual, drugs, alcohol, relationships).

Your teen will definitely see behavior he knows as wrong. Keep the door wide

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open for discussion, explanation and guidance where

necessary. Don’t be afraid to ask the ‘embarrassing’ questions (likely you’ll find

them harder than your teen).

And tip #6 – GOOD LUCK!

Seriously – best of British to you and your teen at High School. They can (and will

survive) but it may be a hard road to travel.

And if you’d like a guide to help you along this bumpy road – we can help. In The

Asperger’s School Stress Buster package

you’ll find dozen of tips, tricks and techniques for helping your teen through

school. This exclusive package of 5 resources is available at:

https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/

To surviving the high school jungle,

Dave Angel

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School Q&A # 10 - Organization

Dad to his Aspie son on first day of school:

"OK son here’s what you’ve got to do:

Get to class at the right time . . . Find the right room . . . Remember the right

books . . . Take down the right notes . . .

Understand the teacher’s instructions . . . Take note of the homework . . .

Understand what the heck the homework is about . . .

Actually do the homework . . . Take your homework in to the right class . . . at

the right time ... on the right day.”

Aspie boy "Can't I just stay home?"

Seriously . . . This is what needs done every school day.

It’s a heck of a LOT!

Especially when the 1 skill you need to do this pretty effortlessly is missing:

O-R-G-A-N-I-Z-A-T-I-O-N!

So how to help your child?

Use one of my favorite sayings:

“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”

Each task needs looking at individually. No point trying ‘general’ skill building. Too

many different scenarios to apply things to.

Start with the most important problem.

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Example - If your child continually forgets homework assignments, help him

create a no-fail system for remembering his homework. A

special folder to write down his assignments and store his completed work while

shuttling between home and school can prevent forgotten

or misplaced work. Allow plenty of time to show solid improvement before

moving to the next problem area.

No quick fix I’m afraid. To use another animal based quote “Slowly, slowly, catchy

monkey”

You CAN help your child become better organized at school, just takes times.

Yet this is just 1 problem area for children with Asperger’s at school. There's

many more, sadly. And if you’re a parent and looking for some help to improve

your child’s chance at school then you should take a look at out Asperger’s School

Stress Buster Package. It’s a 5 resource package, which covers pretty much any

school problems you'll

encounter: https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/

To organization,

Dave Angel

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School Q&A #11 - A Story of Hope

A story of hope from the mom of a high school kid with ASD:

“He joined a basketball team in 6th grade, and because it’s a Youth Organization,

everyone gets to play no matter what their

abilities. It’s competitive, but at the same time there’s an emphasis on being a

team player, teammate wants him to do well

because they want to win and of course, since they don’t have a choice but to

help him play better. He got to shoot the ball.

Yes, we were thankful for the coach and for the opportunity.

Because it’s a smaller school, we got to meet with the principal, teachers and get

to know the staff often. We did not

hide the fact that he is an Aspie.

For us its acceptance, sometimes it’s difficult to face or the longing that you

wanted your child to be like the average child-

come home with friends, go to school dance, hang around the mall or play sports.

For us its lots of patience and we never ever verbally called him” stupid”, because

we know he is not. We encourage him to

find out who are his favorite heroes.

Today, he thrives in high school; those who bully him had asked him for academic

helped. He is in the Yearbook committee, which

we encourage, funny, when kids found out that his in yearbook, they try and

befriend him hoping they can get their pictures in

yearbook. It’s OK with us and we had talked about it, but it gets him to know

more people. He wants to go to college. He is

also, a mentor for people with learning disabilities like himself at his high school.

I guess, we try to find what works for him and try and encourage him a lot. It’s

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difficult and we know it, there are times our

patience are tested, but don’t blame ourselves for parenting skills we know we

are not perfect, or him. We know that he will

do well and the idea that he will grow up to be productive citizen is our reward.

Financially we sometimes struggle, but to

see your child to smile, have fun and to advocate for himself rather than come

home crying, one becomes creative in helping him.”

Doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. There can be blue sky among the black

clouds. And I hope this short story demonstrates it.

And, finally, if you’d like some help to make this a better school year for your

child, then the Asperger’s School Stress Buster

Package can help you do so. It’s available at:

https://parentingaspergers.lpages.co/aspergersschool3/

To your child’s school success,

Dave Angel