HEBREW SATIRE

L CHOTZNER , PmD3

LATE HEBREW MASTER AT “ARROW

LON D ON

REGAN PAUL, TRENCH, TRUBNER C’

O

NEWm i

THE BLOCK PU BLISHING CO,

40 EAST 141 11

1 91 1

PREFACE

VERY little attention has hitherto been paid byauthors generally to those works forming part ofHebrew literature, in which much of delightfulsatire is predominant. The object of this volume

,

therefore, is to make the reader familiar with thecontents of several of these writings which mayprove interesting to him .

A few portions of this volume have alreadyappeared in London periodicals, including TheJewish Review

,

” and some others thereof haveserved as the themes of lectures delivered to

various l iterary societies.

LONDON , February 191 I .

CONTENTS

PREFACEINTRODUCTION“ T ITHES ”

A WIFE’S ROSEA RABBINICAL STORY OF ALEXANDER THE GREATTHE BOASTFUL MERCHANT. By Alcharizi( 1300)THE FARMER’S FOLLY. By the Same AuthorPIETY AND REMORSE. By Sahula ( 1300)EXTRACTS FROM THE WRrTINGs OF MANOELLO D I

ROMA, A FRIEND OF DANTE ( 1400)FICKLENESS OF WOMEN. By Joseph Zahara ( 1200)THE REVEALER OF SECRETS. By Joseph Perl ( 1774)EXTRACT FROM THE SATIRICAL WRITINGS OF ISAAC

ERTER ( 1792-1815)

A STRANGE STORY. By M. D . Brandstater

THE D ISAPPOINTED “ REEEE.

” By the Sam e AuthorTHE WAGGON

'

s AXLE. By Leon Gordon ( 1831)SHALET.

” By the Same AuthorTHE FATTED GEEsE. By the Same AuthorA CURIOUS INCIDENT. By the Sam e AuthorTHE DOT OF THE LETTER YOD .

” By the Sam e AuthorTHE MISSING PANCAKES. By Peter Smolenskin ( 1872)THE CHEDER, ” By the Same Author

PAGE

viii HEBREW SATIRE

PAGE

THE EXTINGUISHmG OF Two GREAT LIGHTS. ByMendel Dolitzki(1856)

THE HEBREW POET. By an Anonymous Hebrew Satirist

TIRZA, A D IS ILLUSION. By Simon Bacher ( 1860)A GRIEVOUS D ISAFFOINTMENT. By M. Scheikewitz, a

modern Hebrew Satirist

FALSE HOPES. By Bialick , a modern Hebrew Writer

THE PRIDE OF POSSESSION . By M. Berdaschevsky

THE R ICH UNCLE. By A. G. Genesin.

A DREAM AND ITS MEAN ING. By M. FrischmanA LOVER'S TRAGEDY. By M. Pere tz

JOY AND SoRRowA PLEASANT SURPRISE

BEREL AND SHMERELA CURIOUS MS .

A “PURIM ” PLAYLOST AND FOUND“THE SONG OF SONGSPOVERTY AND WEALTHU NPLEASANT SURFRisEs

Two GHETTO ID 10Ts

THE “ REEEE'

S” PIPE

LAYZER AND PAYZER

THE GHETTO MARRxAGE-BROKERWANDERING JEWISH PREACHERSHEBREW EPIGRAMSHEBREW FAELES

HEBREW SATIRE .

HEBREW SATIRISTS .

S INCE the birth of Hebrew literature,many

centuries ago, satire has been one of its manycharacteristics. I t is directed against the foiblesand foll ies of the miser, the hypocrite, the profligate, the snob. The dull sermoniser

, who putshis congregation to sleep, fares badly, and eventhe pretty wickednesses of the fair sex do notescape the hawk-eye of the Hebrew satirist. Theluxury and extravagance of the “Daughters ofZion were attacked by no less a person thanIsaiah himself ! but human nature, especially thatof a femin ine kind, was too strong even for soeminent a prophet as he was, and there is noreason to suppose that the lady of those dayswore one trinket the less in deference to his

invective.There are, in fact, several incidents mentioned

here and there in the pages of the B ible, whichare decidedly of a satirical nature. Most prominent among them are the two that refer respec

2 HEBREW SATIRE

tive ly to B ileam ,who was sermonised by his ass,

and to Haman who,as the Prime Minister of

Persia,had to do homage publicly to Mordecai ,

the very man whom he greatly hated and despised .

Nay, we are told, that, by the irony of fate,Haman himself ended his l ife on the exceptionallyhuge gallows which, while in a humorous turn ofmind

,he had ordered to be erected for the pur

pose of having executed thereon the object of hisintense hatred.

And again, there are two excellent satires tobe found respectively in the 14th chapter ofIsaiah, and in the 1 8th chapter of the I st Bookof K ings. In the first, one Of the mightyBabylonian potentates is held up to derision, onaccount of the ignominious defeat he hadsustained in his own dominions, after he hadbeen for a long time a great terror tocontemporary nations

,l iving in various parts of

the ancient world. Even the trees of the forestsare represented there as having mocked at hisfal l , saying ! “S ince thou art laid down

,no feller

is come up against us. In the second satire,the

false prophets of Baal are ridiculed by E l ij ah forhaving maimed their bodies, in order to do thereby honour to a deity which is sometimes sarcastically referred to in the B ible as being the godof flies.”

HEBREW SATIRE 3

Delightfully satirical are also the two fablesquoted in the Bible in connection with jotlzamand Natlzan, the Prophet. These are commonlywell- known, and no extracts from them need begiven here.The satirical turn of mind manifested by

Hebrew writers l iving in Biblical times,has be en

transmitted by them as a legacy to theirdescendants, who flourished in subsequent agesdown to the present day. The first among themwas Ben S ira who, in 1 80 B.C., wrote a book ,some of the contents of which are satirical

,for

there the vanity of contemporary women. andthe arrogance of some of the rich in the community

'

are ridiculed with mild sarcasm .

But much more keen was the sense of thesatirical that was possessed by some of theancient Rabbis, who were among those thatbrought into existence the vast and interestingTalmudical literature. One of their Satires,called “Tithes,

” runs as followsIn Palestine there once lived a widow with her

two daughters, whose only worldly possessionsconsisted of a little field . When she began toplough it

,a Jewish oflicial quoted to her the

words of the lawgiver Moses ! Thou shalt notplough with ox and ass together.” When shebegan to sow

,she was admonished in the words

4 HEBREW SATIRE

of the same lawgiver not to sow the fields withtwo kinds of seed. When she began to reap andpile up the stacks

,she was told that she must

leave “gleanings,the poor man’s sheaf, and the

“ corner.”

When the harvest time came, she was informedthat it was her duty to give the priest’s share,consisting of the first and second tithes.” Shequietly submitted, and gave what was demandedof her. Then she sold the field , and bought twoyoung ewes

,in order that she might use their

wool,and profit by their offspring. But, as soon

as the ewes gave birth to their young, a priestcame, and quoted to her the words of MosesGive me the first-born , for so the Lord hathordained.” Again she submitted, and gave himthe young.

When the time of shearing came, the priestagain made his appearance , and said to her that ,according to the Law, she was obliged to givehim “ the shoulder, the two Cheeks

,and the

maw.

In a moment of despair, the widow said Letall the animals be consecrated to the Lord ! ”“ In that case,

” answered the priest,

“ they belongaltogether to me ! for the Lord hath saidEverything consecrated in I srael shall b e thine.SO, he took the sheep, and went his way, leaving

HEBREW SATIRE 5

the widow and her two daughters in greatdistress, and bathed in tears.1

A WIFE’

S RUSE.

(A RABBINICAL TALE.)

THERE i s a Rabbinical law which makes itobligatory upon every Jewish husband to divorcehis wife, if after ten years of married life sheshall remain childless. Now

,there once lived

in an Oriental town a man and his wife whowere greatly attached to each other, but who had ,unfortunately, no Children , though they had beenmarried for a considerable time.When the end of the tenth year of their

marriage was approaching, they both went to theRabbi, and asked him for his advice. The Rabbilistened with great sympathy, but declared hisinability to alter or modify the law in their favour.The only suggestion , he said, that he could make,was, that on the last night before their final separation

,they should ce lebrate a l ittle feast together,

and that the wife should take some keepsake fromher husband which would be a permanent tokenof her husband’s unchangeable affection for her.

1 Cf . The Jewish Encyclopedia, m 6 Satire.

6 HEBREW SATIRE

Thus,on the last night, the wife prepared a

sumptuous meal for the two of them , and, amidstmuch merriment and laughter

,she fi lled and

refilled her husband’s goblet with sparkling wine.Under its influence, he fel l into a heavy sleep,and while in this condition , he was carried by hiswife’s orders to her father’s abode, where he continned to sleep till the following morning. Whenhe awoke, and was wondering at his strangesurroundings, his cunning wife came smilinglyinto the room

,and said ! Oh. my dear husband ,

I have actually carried out the Rabbi’s suggestion , inasmuch as I have taken away from homea most precious keepsake. This is your owndear self, without whom it would be impossiblefor me to live.”

The husband , moved to tears , embraced hermost affectionately, and promised that theyshould live together to the end. Thereuponthey joyfully returned home

,and

,going again to

the Rabbi, they told him what had happened ,and asked him for his forgiveness and blessing

,

which be readily accorded them . And,indeed

,

the Rabbi’s blessing had an excellent result.For

after the lapse of some time,they both enjoyed

the happiness of fondling a bright little child oftheir own.

HEBREW SATIRE 7

A RABBIN ICAL STORY OF ALEXAND ER

THE GREAT.

ALEXANDER THE GREAT, being on a visit to anOriental potentate, learned how justice was ad

ministered there. Two persons came into court,

and invited the king’s decision on the followingpoint. The one had bought a mound of rubbishfrom the other, and on exploring it, found itcontained a treasure. He therefore wished toreturn it to the owner, but the owner refused toaccept it. What was there to be done ! Now,

the decision was that,as it happened that one

of the two persons had a son,and the other a

daughter, they should be united in marriage , andthe treasure should be given to both of them asa dowry.

A lexander, in some surprise, pointed out thatin his country the matter would have been differently settled . Both parties would have beenput to death. and Government would haveappropriated the treasure. The potentate thenasked whether there were cattle in his country,and whether the sun shone there and the rainfel l. Being answered in the affi rmative, heremarked that he thought Providence had meantthe rain and sunshine for the cattle only. For

8 HEBREW SATIRE

human beings of such inhuman disposition hardlydeserved these heavenly boons.

On the termination of the long period, duringwhich the Talmud and some cognate booksthe Midrashim

,

” for instance—were composed.several centuries passed

,during which no book

appeared that contained anything satirical.

Hebrew satire,however, again made its appear

ance in some of the literary productions ofHebrew authors who flourished in the MiddleAges

,chiefly in Spain

,France and I taly. Most

prominent among them were , Abraham andMoses Ibn Ezra

,Jehudah Halevi , Moses Ibn

Chasdai, Kalenymos ben Kalonymos, JosephZabara, Judah Sabbatai, and last, but not least,Jehudah Alcharizi, and Immanuel di Roma.Several extracts from the writings of these satiricalauthors have already appeared in a volumepublished some time ago by the present writer

,

under the title of Hebrew Humour.” But it i sintended to quote here a few additional specimensof their l iterary compositions

,and chiefly those

that have Jehudah Alcharizi and Immanuel diRoma for their authors.

HEBREW SATIRE 9

THE BOASTFUL MERCHANT.

BY JEHUDAH ALCHARIZI ( 13oo.)

HEMAN , the Ezrachite,related the following

adventure he met with“While once travelling in the East

,I arrived

in a large and populous town. As I passed asmall house, I noticed a middle- aged man sittingin front of it, with hands and feet partlybandaged, and w ith a rather strange and pitifullook about him. And seeing him thus, I couldnot help asking him

,with some sort of com

miseration, what it was that brought him to sucha deplorable condition . Whereupon the mananswered that

,in truth , he hardly deserved any

expression of pity,as his present suffering was

certainly by his own fault. He had, he said, anuncommonly large appetite, and was always readyfor a meal. When I heard this, I begged him totell me his latest adventure, and this he did.A few days ago,

" he said ,“ I was standing

in one of the Bazaars of this town , when Isuddenly felt a great desire for a good' meal.

Unluckily, I had no money with me, and was toofar from home to get any. But it so happenedthat an old acquaintance of mine, a wealthy

10 HEBREW SATIRE

merchant whom I had not seen for a long time,passed by

,and invited me cordially to dine with

him. Needless to say that I gladly accepted theinvitation . Now this merchant was known to bea great braggart

,and had a very high opinion of

himself and of all his belongings. Thus he atonce began to talk about his importance in theworld of commerce, of the great beauty andvirtue of his wife

,and of the high attainments of

each of his children .

“ I l istened as politely as I could, expectingall the time that I would soon be rewarded formy patience and attention with a sumptuousmeal. But, to my great disappointment, this wasnot so. For

,when arriving at the house

,my

host conducted me through the various rooms,

pointing out the magnificent articles they contained ,

each of which,he said, was quite unique ,

and had cost him a large amount of money.

Presently he took me into his wife’s boudoir,

and showed me the beautiful couch on which,he

said, she generally indulged in her afternoondoze. She, he added, was indeed an angeliccreature, and the thought of her charms andravishing figure made him truly happy.

By this time I was faint with hunger andthirst, and would certainly have dropped downwith utter exhaustion had not at that very

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12 HEBREW SATIRE

Being in a great rage at not being able to gethome quickly, in order to assuage my ravenoushunger, I struck some of my pursuers, and theyretal iated. In the end, I came home badlybattered and bruised

,and the doctor sent me to

bed , forbidding me to take any other food thangruel and barley-water. He also bandaged mywounded limbs

,which are stil l sore

,and far from

being healed. Al l this trouble would have beenavoided , had I only not had such an abnormalappetite. I am, however, thankful to Providencethat I escaped with my life.

THE FARMER’S FOLLY.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

HEMAN , the Ezrachite , related the followingstory

When travelling in the Eastern countries,I

one day met an old friend of mine,named Heber

,

whom I had not seen for a considerable time.

He had always been a kind of adventurer, and

his ready wit, as well as his quips and pranks,

used to amuse me greatly. Being a man of nooccupation, he eked out his meagre income bytaking advantage of the credulity of the unwary

.

HEBREW SATIRE 13

He was by that time old and gray,but he had

stil l the same waggish look about him that usedto characterise him in his younger days

,and this

led me to conclude that he was but little changed.

To satisfy myself, however, I invited him to takesome refreshment with me, and thus I hoped tolearn something about his latter-day doings. Heaccepted my invitation with alacrity

,and while

we were sitting at our simple meal,he entertained

me with an account of some of his adventures,

the latest of which was as followsOne day last week,

” he said,I was particu

larly hungry but, unfortunately, I had no moneyto buy food with. At the time I noticed asimple- looking farmer coming out of the adjoiningBazaar, and counting the money that he hadseemingly just obtained by the sale of some ofhis produce. I at once went up to him. andembracing him most affectionately, said that Isaw in his face an extraordinary resemblance tomy dear old friend, Abida Gideoni, and that Ipresumed that he must be a near relative, orperhaps even a son of his.The farmer stammered out an excuse, and

said that there must be some mistake, as his ownname was Adiba Giboni. I replied that, as manyyears had elapsed since I last saw his father, Imight have forgotten the correct spelling of his

141 HEBREW SATIRE

name, but that there was no mistaking his likenessto his sire

, who was a great wit, and a most enjoyable companion. The farmer again demurred,saying that his father

,who was now dead, had

never said a w itty thing in all his life, but that,on the contrary, his conversation, so far from beingamusing, had rather frequently caused dissensionin the family circle.When the farmer thus mentioned his father’s

death, I pretended to be greatly overcome, andeven wiped away a tear, which seemed to impresshim with the sincerity of my assertion. For

,when

I invited him to dine with me at one of the bestinns in the neighbourhood, he said he would do sowith much pleasure, as he would like to spend afew pleasant hours in the company of one of hislate father’s intimate friends.”

Heber then went on as follows“ I t did not take us very long to go to a first

rate inn , where I ordered the best dinner procurable,togethe r with a few bottles of the choicest wine

.

After a little while, the meal was served ,and we

demolished it greedily, and with an ever-growingappetite. We also did full j ustice to the excellentwine, with which w e were plentiful ly supplied bythe innkeeper, who, taking us for men of greatwealth, thought he would be well paid for hisSpecial attention. We stretched ourselves comfort

HEBREW SATIRE 15

ably on two divans which stood opposite to eachother in a corner of the room . Presently thefarmer fel l into a heavy sleep

,and I noticed that

his face bore a smile of ineffable happiness. I

therefore sl ipped out of the room , and havingmanaged to leave the inn unobserved , I hid myselfbehind a big tree that stood close by

,and awaited

developments.“A little later the innkeeper came in , and

presented his by no means small bill to the stillhappy- looking farmer. But, on seeing it, he pulleda long face

,and said that he was not responsible

for the bill , as it was his companion who orderedthe meal , and was thus morally bound to settle itas soon as he made his appearance. The innkeeper, however, refused to listen to the farmer

’sarguments, and insisted , with many threats, onhaving at once his bill paid. This was ultimatelydone by the farmer, who went off in a sad frameof mind, while I was greatly amused over the waythat I got an excellent meal for nothing.

”

When Heber had finished his story, I could nothelp remarking that

,as he was getting old, and

near his end, he ought to cease from being avagabond and adventurer. Besides, I said , thatalthough his pranks were certainly amusing enough,he could not indulge in them without deceivinginnocent people

,and as such no decent person

16 HEBREW SATIRE

could approve of them. But Hebe r laughedbitterly at my remark, and quoted the followinglines

,which he himself had written

Most men are wicked ! why should I be good !The tiger’s claws are m eant to bring him food.I use my cunning as a general ruleTo dupe the simple, and b eguile the fool.

P IETY AND REMORSE.

BY SAHULA ( r

THERE once lived in an Oriental town a wealthyHebrew, whose name was El imelech. Being somewhat of an ascetic, he shunned every kind ofenjoyment which life offers to well- to—do people

,

and devoted much of his leisure to the readingof prayers in the synagogue. These frequentdevotional exercises occupied his mind so fullythat, though a bachelor, he hardly ever noticedhis lonely state. But when he got old andinfirm in body and mind, he thought that a helpmate would be an excellent thing for him

,and

being well off, it was easy for him to carry outhis intention . He made, however, one seriousmistake, which consisted in this, that, instead ofuniting himself to a woman of ripe age andexperience, he fixed his eye on a young and

HEBREW SATIRE 17

pretty girl , whose name was Tamar. As shewas poor and an orphan , too, he easily succeededin getting her consent to become his wife.After his marriage, E limelech continued to

attend prayer meetings, leaving his young wifeat home to amuse herself as best she could .

The only diversion he afforded her, if this reallydeserved to be called so at all

,was to read to

her now and again certain homilies,through

which he sought to impress her mind with thenecessity of implicit obedience, and of beingindifferent to his frequent neglect of the dutiesthat wives general ly expect from their husbands.On one occasion , he admonished her impressivelyto be careful not to follow the bad example setby some young women who, having elderly menfor their husbands, often took advantage of theirabsence from home to indulge in flirtations withthe gay young men about town.

This admonition,however, produced on Tamar

an effect entirely opposite to that contemplatedby her husband . For, soon after, when he hadgone out to one of his prayer meetings, she leftthe house

,in which. she was kept like a prisoner,

and went to the public promenade, where crowdsof merry folk were walking to and fro. Presently,a young man of pleasant appearance, who wasno doubt attracted by Tamar’s many charms ,

B

18 HEBREW SATIRE

approached her,and greeted her politely. She

accepted his salutation with a slight blush andunfeigned pleasure. They then strolled togetherfor a l ittle while, during which time they becameenamoured of each other. On the following daythe two lovers met again, and when the youngman learnt from Tamar how miserable her marriedl ife was, he suggested that they should elope, andthat, after her aged husband died , they should beunited to each other in marriage. This pr0position was readily accepted by Tamar

,as she had

found her union with the pious Elimelech quiteintolerable, and was therefore naturally delightedw ith the prospect of having it soon permanentlyd i ssolved.

What then followed can easily be guessed. AsTamar and her lover considered it imprudent toattempt to run away in broad daylight, they decidedto wait til l Elimelech would go out to a long andprotracted prayer meeting in the evening. Thus

,

when the opportunity arrived and El imelech wasaway from home, his wife mounted one of thetwo horses kept in readiness for her by her lover

,

and they both merrily galloped away.Tamar

,

o f course, did not forget to take with her all the

beautiful and costly presents given to her by herh usband on her wedding day.

When Elimelech returned home late at night,

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20 HEBREW SATIRE

But, I pray thee, come not riding on anass,

As thou art pictured in the holy writIf thou in royal splendour dost not pass,How could we bear the mean disgrace of it

TEARS , IDLE TEARS .

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

W ITH many sweet charms I’m by Nature endowedMy skin is of lilies, of gold are my curls,And yet I must often sit lonely and bowedI’m one of the bevy of dowerless girls.

By a fond crowd of lovers I’m frequently girt

,

And each of them’s burning to cal l me his own,

But, alas, they’re less anxious to love and to

flirt,As soon as the state of my income gets known.

Among my fair sisters the youngest am I ,

But’tis idle for me to yearn to be wed

And now the one prayer that I fervently sigh,

I s that I may soon , a fair virgin , be dead.

HEBREW SATIRE 21

THE HATEFUL MAN .

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

E’

EN as the Turk abjures swine-flesh and wine,E’en as the sluggard hates his work to do

,

E’

en as the unlovely woman doth declineHer imperfections in the glass to View !E’en as the maidens scorn the backward wight

,

Who fails in eagerness to press his suit,E’en more than all , the grey-beard I detes‘t,Who makes his love affairs his only quest.

THE DELUS IVE CLERIC .

BY THE SAME AUTHOR .

THE pulpited parson,who fiercely inveighs

’Gainst the jovial youngster of frolicsome ways,But who

,for his own part

,will never decline

The kiss of a woman,or a beaker of wine ,

Is like the blind man , who through darknessnight

,

Guides others to bed with the help of a light.

22 HEBREW SATIRE

A MAX IM .

BY THE SAME AUTHOR .

MAKE every man your friendHowever poor or weak,With every solace tendThe humble and the meek.

Do you ask the reason why !The giant feels the stinging fly.

QUEST IONS AND ANSWERS .

BY THE SAME AUTHOR .

Q. Hast thou seen Bel inda’s lovely eyes !Aye

,they are worthy of a royal prize.

Who are herlovers in the West and EastAl l holy men

,some Rabbi and a Priest.

What news is there of Delia, wicked flirt !They lately found her lying in the dirt.And how with her sweet sister doth it fare !For her repute she doth not greatly care .

Tell me, why Zillah of her spouse complains !A . Because her flirtation he much disdains .

HEBREW SATIRE 23

Q. What should his fate be,who neglects his

wife

He should be shot, and thus bereft of his life.What does a lady from her spouse desire !Kisses and embraces

,jewels and attire.

What shall I do, my wife is such a fright !Look not upon her, save when it is night.When do you like your loveless wife the best !When she is sleepy, and has gone to rest.

During the Middle Ages several Jewishauthors wrote certain Hebrew booklets in rhymeand prose , in which they made the supposedfrivolity and fickleness of women the butt of theirsatire. One of them was Joseph Zabara, whosecollection of short tales, entitled

“Book ofDelight

,

” appeared about the year 1 200 . Mostcharacteristic among them is one wherein acurious episode is mentioned that had onceoccurred in the l ife of a marriedwouple , livingin the far East. The tale runs somewhat asfollowsA certain Arab king was one day discussing

with his courtiers the merits and demerits of thegentle sex. They praised the many virtues ofwomen , mentioning particularly the great loveand attachment manifested by them towards

24 HEBREW SATIRE

their husbands and children. The king , however

,did not share their Opinion , but, on the

contrary,declared emphatically that he considered

women to be selfish and deceitful, so much sothat their husbands could not with certaintyrely upon their keeping faithfully their marriage

vow.

The king then suggested to his courtiers thatthey should

,in corroboration of their assertion ,

point out to him at least one married womanin his dominions

,whose unshaken and lasting

fidelity to her husband could not possibly bedoubted . After the lapse of a few days

,the

courtiers reported to the king that they had foundsuch a woman in the wife of a wealthy merchant,who was generally believed to be deeply devotedto him and her offspring.

Thereupon the king s ummoned the merchantto the palace

,and , on his arrival. received him

most kindly, and spoke to him as follows“ I have , he said , an only grown-up daughter

who is both beautiful and accomplished. Shehas several admirers, belonging to the highestnobil ity of the land , but I have resolved not togive her in marriage to any of them. For Iwould rather prefer having her married to such aone of my subjects who , though of a less highdescent, is yet known to lead a simple and honest

HEBREW SATIRE 25

l ife. Now, you are the man whom I have chosenas being the most suitable person to become theconsort of my only daughter

,the princess. I t is

true that your present wife is stil l alive,but you

could easi ly get rid of her by slaying her this orthe following night.When the merchant heard the king’s strange

proposal , he did not know what to do, and beingunable to accept or reject at once the greattemptation held out to him by the king

,he asked

to be permitted to postpone giving his finaldecision till the following day. This beingallowed , he went home greatly dejected in mind,and there found his pretty wife

,playing merrily

with her two children. He quickly embracedher with the fondness of an ardent lover, andfirmly resolved in his mind never to part fromher, nor to give her up in exchange for thepossess ion of even the fairest princess in existence.As the king had certainly expected , the mer

chant failed to come the fol lowing day to thepalace

,and he therefore summoned his wife

secretly to appear before him . He at once expressed his great admiration of her beauty andloveliness

,telling her at the same time that he

was burning with the desire to marry her, andto raise her to the dignity of a queen. But , firstof all , the king added, she must, as the wife

26 HEBREW SATIRE

of another man , get rid of him as soon aspossible.When the woman had readily consented to act

on the king’s suggestion , he gave her a tin sword ,but told her not to use it more than once, as hewas sure that one blow would be suffi cient to puther husband to death.

The woman , after leaving the palace, wenthome, and prepared a sumptuous meal for herhusband

,and while eating it

,she gave him plenty

of strong wine to drink. He soon became intox icated , and fel l into a sound sleep. While in thishelpless condition

,he was struck on the head by

his wife with the tin sword , but the blow did noother harm to him than to awake him from hisslumber. When his wife made some plausibleexcuse, the merchant accepted it without any ,

comment, and fell asleep again .

On the following day,the merchant and his

wife were commanded by the king to come tothe palace, and were ordered to recount , inpresence of the courtiers, the episode that hadoccurred on the previous night at their house.When this was done the king said to his courtierswith a triumphant air that he hoped they wouldhenceforth discontinue their praises of the virtuesof the gentle sex .

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28 HEBREW SATIRE

utter demoralisation that many of the satires werewritten.

One of the earliest of those satirists whoflourished in Austria in the eighteenth andnineteenth centuries

, was Joseph Perl. Born atTarnopol

,in 1 7 7 4 , a son of wealthy parents,

young Perl received a liberal education , acquiringthereby such culture and learning as gained forhim a prominent position among his fellowtownsmen. He saw

,not without deep concern,

the deplorable religious and social condition ofhis Jewish countrymen

,and

,being fully convinced

that this was due to the evil influence exercisedupon them by their usually ignorant and superstitious leaders, the so-called Rebbes,

” who wereaverse to all progress and enlightenment hedetermined to expose them in their true light.With this object in view

,he published a satire in

Hebrew, under the pseudonym of Obadia benPetachia,

” in which he attacked the trickeries andsecret practices of the Rebbes

,

” as well as thefoolishness and moral degradation of theirfollowers .I t appeared in Vienna

,in 1 8 19, under the

title of M egallelz Temz’

rz'

n (the Revealer ofSecrets), and immediately created a great sensation among those who lived where the Rebbe "

fraud and Rebbe”-worship obtained . I t was

HEBREW SATIRE 29

written in a corrupt style,being an exact

imitation of that usually employed by theRebbes in the letters they wrote to theiradherents. I t was somewhat akin to the dogLatin used by the author of the satire wellknown under the title of “Epz

'

s tole Obscurom m

Vz’

rom m ,

” and may have been modelled thereon .

It is quite impossible to preserve its spirit andpungency in an English translation , and thereforeno such attempt is made here. The satire inquestion cannot claim to possess any value

,from

a literary point of view, but it is certainlyinteresting as a record of the religious

,moral

,

and social state of the Galician Jews, as itactually was about a century ago.

The greatest and most famous satirist of all theHebrew writers who flourished in modern timesin Austria

,or rather Galicia, was Isaac Erter.

He was born in the year 1 7 92 in a smallGalician village called Jamischock, and died atB rody in 1 8 5 1 . He wrote several satires, thefollowing of which will be quoted here , in acondensed form

,as a sam ple. I t is entitled

“Taschlich, which term means“ throwing or

shaking,and is used by modern Hebrew

writers in connection with the custom prevalentamong a certain class of Jews, of going to a riveron Rosh-Ha-Shana ” (New Year

’s Day), and

30 HEBREW SATIRE

throwing into it all the crumbs there might be intheir pockets. While so doing

,they recite the

verse to be found in Micah viii. 9 , viz.“ Thou

wilt cast al l their sins into the bottom of theatsea.

TASCHLICH .

I t was New Year’s Day, and I was walkingleisurely on the bank of the river

,not far from

the synagogue. Suddenly I l ifted up my eyes,and lo ! and behold , there was Samael , the Satan,standing close by, with a large number of evilspirits grouped about him . As I had neverbe fore been afraid of Satan and his formidablelooking attendants, I approached him , and askedhim boldly what particular business had broughthim and his noisy retinue to that quiet andpeaceful spot.Thereupon Satan, with a cunning smile on

his face, answered‘

that he and his fol lowers hadcome there to cast nets into the river

,and catch

all the crumbs that would be thrown thereduring the next few hours by the many childrenof the Ghetto. These crumbs that representedallegorically the various sins committed by themduring the past year, would be brought beforethe celestial Counci l sitting in judgment and

HEBREW SATIRE 31

would serve to prove the existence of muchwickedness and corruption among the verypeople who claimed to be

,by dint of their sup

posed great piety and unblemished lives,the

special favourites of the Lord of Hosts.On hearing these caustic reflections on the

moral degradation of my ! Jewish countrymen,I

was greatly vexed , and I therefore told himquite frankly that he would have acted moreprudently

,and would have effected his evil design

with much greater success,had he and his

attendants stationed themselves by the Frenchand German rivers

,where the Jews were notori

ously lax. While I was thus arguing with Satan,a great stir arose among the group of the evilspirits. For, at that moment, a huge crowd offestively-dressed people emerged from the synagogue , and came towards the river. On arrivingthere, they duly shook their garments, andrecited the prescribed prayer. Some had avenerable appearance

,and seemed to be models

of all that was good,and noble , and true. But

this was only an illusion. For Satan , taking measide

,remarked of them These leaders of the

Jewish community,who comprise the Rabbi and

the head of the ‘Chassidim ,

’ certainly appear tobe venerable

,and of a meek and humble disposi

tion . But in reality they are extremely proud

32 HEBREW SATIRE

and intolerant,and look down with contempt on

every person who is neither a member of theirfamily

,nor an influential man in the community.

I have here a volume, recently published by thisvery Rabbi

,in the preface of which he says of

himself that he is the cleverest man in existence,

and that his book is a vast treasure of theologicalknowledge. And yet, as a matter of fact, thebook is pure twaddle, which, strange to say, isnot even original, as the greater part of it hasalready appeared in books written by otherauthors of the theological fraternity.

”

After a short pause, Satan referred to thepresence of the head of the Chassidim Hewas clad in snow-white garments, and had acrafty and jovial look about him.

“This wellfed man, said Satan ,

“ is worshipped by hisdevotees

,who attribute to him the possession of

supernatural powers, by means of which he isable to work miracles at al l times. They comefrom all parts of the country to obtain his adviceon their private matters, and pay him royallyfor his trouble. But I know him to be a charlatanand a deceiver, and he is, indeed, more guiltyof transgressing the laws of decency and goodconduct than those who come to seek his aidin winning forgiveness for their secret sins.”

Satan was about to continue his revelations

HEBREW SATIRE 83

in regard to the real character of some otherreverend signors that were gathered by theriver’s side, when he w as interrupted by atremendous shout of jubilation

,coming from

the evil spirits, who were drawing bulging netsfrom the water. And with the sound I awoke

,

and found that I had been dreaming a dream .

Another writer of the Galician school ofsatirists who deserves some attention

,is M . D .

Brandstadter. Like Perl and Erter, he attacksthe fanaticism of the spiritual leaders of hiscompatriots, together with the latter

’s ignoranceand superstition ! and in so doing, he describeswith pleasant humour some of the episodes oflife among the Galician Jews. One of his satires ,entitled Ma

’

asseh Norah,

” runs in a somewhatabridged translation

,as follows

In a small Jewish community in Galicia,the

members of which were noted for their bigotryand ignorance

,there lived a wealthy Jew who,

both on account of his riches and education ,occupied a prominent position among them .

Being a great benefactor to the local charities andthe poorer members of his congregation , he waselected by them as their President. Now, it sohappened that

,after the death of his first wife , he

c

34 HEBREW SATIRE

married another Jewish lady who , having enjoyeda modern education in a Continental boardingschool

,was less superstitious in religious matters

than her neighbours. Thus,on her wedding- day,

she absolutely refused to allow her hair to beshorn off her head , and to wear instead theunsightly wig, which quasi - religious custom hasalways demanded should be worn by all Jewishmarried women in the community.

This unprecedented behaviour greatly enragedthe local Rabbi

,who , being both a bigot and a

fanatic,had not the tact to pretend to ignore the

whole affair. He therefore planned an ingeniousscheme , by which he hoped to bring home to thefair culprit the enormity of her offence. I t wasthis. One day, when the President of the con

gregation happened to be away, the Rabbi sent hisbeadle round to all members of his flock to informthem that, owing to a pestilence having brokenout in their midst, he wished them to attend aspecial divine service to be held on the followingday at the local synagogue. This unexpectedsummons created quite a stir in the comm unityand all its members flocked next day to theirplace of worship. After the precentor hadrecited some introductory prayers

,the Rabbi

ascended the pulpit, used by him only on veryrare occasions, and delivered in the Jewish jargon

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36 HEBREW SATIRE

beings on account of the misdeeds of some of Hiserring creatures

,the Rabbi closed his discourse by

asking of the community to call a meeting at once ,to discuss the whole situation in private. At themeeting, the E lders resolved, in compliance withthe proposition made by the presiding Rabbi , tosend one of their officials to fetch the President’swife

,so that she might be informed that she alone

was responsible for the death of a good manyinfants in the community by her malicious refusalto wear a wig. But, when each official declaredwith tears in his eyes that

,if he were deputed

on this mission, he would lose his scanty livelihood

,and that of his ever- increasing family

,the

Rabbi and the E lders decided to go themselvesand interview the President’s wife in her ownhome.Th is decision was at once carried into effect .

The Rabbi, in his capacity as spokesman of thedeputation, repeated to the lady the contents ofthe latter part of the sermon

,which had been

delivered a few hours before in the synagogue.

At the same time , he took out from a little blackbag which he carried in his hand

,a pair of scissors

and an old worn-out wig, which he presented toher for her immediate use . Now

,at first

,she

was rather amused at being seriously told thatshe, and she alone, was the cause of the premature

HEBREW SATIRE 37

death of some infants in the community,but

before long her smile vanished,giving place to

her indignation, especially when the previouslymentioned repulsive head -gear was offered to heras an acceptable present. “ I t is a great pity

,

”

she said , “ that you should have wasted so muchtime and energy on your present fruitless errand ,for I shall never consent to use the scissors andthe wig, which you have taken the trouble tobring with you here. But, if you should decideto visit me again with the same object in view

,I

am determined to commit an act which maycause the greatest injury to all of you. I havehitherto worn my hair according to the presentfashion

,viz. cut short, and the consequence has

been,as you say

,that a pestilence has broken out

in the community, cutting short the lives of someof their infants. Now, mind, if you do not ceaseto interfere with what I do or leave undone, Ishall in future let my hair grow several incheslonger

,and you wil l have to bear the consequences .

The plague,as you call it , is mild enough now ,

but the longer my hair grows,the more deadly

it wil l become, and will carry off you and all theother fanatics in the community in a very shorttime indeed.

” Hearing these threats, the Rabbiand his retinue were greatly alarmed, and speedilyleft the house

,never to return there again. This

38 HEBREW SATIRE

“dreadful story is stated by the author to befounded on real facts, and to have been toldwithout much exaggeration.

THE D ISAPPO INTED “REBBE.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

VRETNA i s a small, insignificant town in Galicia.I ts chief claim to notoriety rests upon the factthat

,whenever any outbreak occurred in the

province,whether famine, pestilence, or revolu

tion,it was there that the earliest symptoms

were detected. The inhabitants of the Ghetto ,moreover, enjoyed the reputation of beingmore bigoted

,more gullible

,and more credulous

of the supernatural powers popularly attributedto the Rebbes than any of their contemporaries.There was thus a constant stream of itinerentRebbes flowing through the town who

,for a

small consideration , were prepared to administerblessings or advice.Now, it so happened that one day a Rebbe,

named Yokton, accompanied by a few followers,made his appearance in Vre tna. A l though hewas unknown there, his disciples soon noised itabroad that he was a man of such exceptional

HEBREW SATIRE

holiness that the achievements of other Rebbeswould pale before the miracles he proposed toperform .

Before long, his apartments were crowded withpersons being anxious for his advice or hisblessings. Among them was Reb Dan

,a

wealthy but rather ignorant man , who wished toconsult him about his daughter Shoshannah.

She was, he said , a handsome girl , twenty yearsof age, but refused to marry the man he hadchosen for her. True, he was somewhat of ahunchback , and a fool , to boot, but then he wasextremely rel igious

,and some of

_

his family weredeeply versed in Talmudical and Cabbalistic lore .

What did the all-powerful Rebbe advise him todoThe Rebbe

,after some deliberation , said he

was convinced that the girl was possessed of anevil spirit

,most probably of Satan himself

,which

,

he thought,he would exorcise if he saw her.

His disciples hastened with the news to

Shoshannah. They were met by her old nurseDeborah

,who had been deserted by her husband

many years ago,and had since then been living

in Reb Dan’s house, first as his daughter’s nurse,and then as her companion . She was greatlyshocked at the suggestion that Shoshannah shouldvisit the Rebbe

,and insisted on accompanying

40 HEBREW SATIRE

her. She assumed a heavy veil, and desired

Shoshannah to do the same, but Shoshannahlaughed

,and

,treating the whole affair as a l ittle

joke,said she would go as she was .

They were received by the Rebbe in a somewhatdingy and dark room. Deborah, casting afurtive glance at him, uttered a subdued cry ofsurprise, but this passed unnoticed by the Rebbe,who had eyes only for Shoshannah. He spoketo her kindly and endearingly, telling her to gohome

,when she would soon hear good news.

He then gave strict orders that he was on noaccount to be disturbed , and locked his door.Shortly afterwards he was heard using dread

ful imprecations, and stamping his feet. I t wasas though he were engaged in conflict with aterrible adversary Then a deep silence ensued

,

and the Rebbe appeared pale and dishevelled.

He then directed Reb Dan to be summoned,and

when he came, he told him that,after a

tremendous struggle, he had succeeded in worsting Satan, who was enamoured of Shoshannah,and had forbidden her to marry an ordinaryperson. Further, he had been told by Satan thathe was a great favourite at the Council of

Heaven, and that at their last meeting it hadbeen decided that he and Shoshannah were to beunited in marriage. So, in order to save her

HEBREW SATIRE 441

soul from everlasting perdition,he was ready to

marry her that very night.Reb Dan was delighted . He ran home to

give his daughter the happy tidings,and the

Rebbe’s followers, who foresaw a whole week’s

merry-making, also greeted her with joyfulacclamation. She, however, received the newswith a flood of tears, and implored her father togive her a few days’ time. But he was obdurate,and told her to get ready

,as married that evening

she should surely be. Thereupon , in her bewilderment, she flew to her Deborah for advice.“ Be calm , my child ,

” quoth the old crone,

“ them arriage shall not take place

,for it will be un

lawful. Know, then, that Rebbe Y okton is noother than my perfidious husband, who desertedme about twenty years ago ! ” So what she intended to do was to impersonate Shoshannah

at the wedding,and as it would take place at

dead of night, she would not be recognised.

The plan fel l out as she had arranged. Thefirst part of the ceremony was concluded, and noone suspected that the bride was anyone but thelovely Shoshannah. When

,however, the time

came for the bride to drink of the cup of winereached to her by the officiating Chazcm ,

” theRebbe looked , and 10 ! there stood old Deborah,his deserted, but lawful wife. Without much ado

,

42 HEBREW SATIRE

she told the assemblage the whole of her story,and in the great uproar and confusion thatfollowed

,the holy man slippe d off, and disappeared

in the distant darkness.

Shoshannah was subsequently married to the

man of her own choice, for her father had meanwhile become more wise and more practical .

But it i s not known whether the Rebbe’s

exposure led to any permanent change in theRebbe-worship so often manifested by theinhabitants of the Vre tna Ghetto.

Russia has also produced a good many Hebrewsatirists

,the most prominent of whom is Leon

Gordon,who was born at Wilna, in the year

1 831 . His gift of satirical humour was chieflydirected against the Jewish fanatic, so frequentlymet with in his and in other countries. Heconsidered him to be, to a great extent, the causeof the misery and degradation under which themajority of his Jewish compatriots laboured

,and

it is chiefly against the slavish adherence to

Rabbinical laws and enactments that his effortswere directed . The following satire is verycharacteristic in its way, dealing as it does witha tragic comedy that w as once played on thefirst Passover night ( the so- called Seder night)

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HEBREW SATIRE

At last the long- looked- for festival arrived ,and on the first night of it, which is distinguishedfrom all the other nights by some specialreligious ceremonies performed thereon in almostevery Jewish home

,E liphelet, clad in festive

garments,was sitting in his best room at the

head of the table. Everything round him was

looking bright and clean,and seeing the happy

faces of his children, he felt himself extremelyhappy. Sarah

,his wife

,was not yet present, as

she was stil l busy in the kitchen with the preparation of the festive meal . Like all the Russianwomen of the same type, she was ignorant andsuperstitious

,and her knowledge of her religion

went no further than to tell her what thingsmight and what things might not be eaten. Now,while E liphelet and his children were lustilychanting the songs of the early part of theHagadah,

’ a cry of anguish from the kitchenstruck terror into their souls, and, a few momentslater, Sarah, with a pal lid face, rushed into theroom , and through her tears revealed the causeof her misery. She had discovered a grain ofcorn in the soup ! She was afraid to dish it up

,

or, in fact, to bring the rest of the night’s mealwithout the Rabbi’s express permission.

When E liphelet heard his wife’s terrible newshe was paralysed. There was but little doubt

HEBREW SATIRE 45

in his mind that the Rabbi,if consulted

,would at

once declare that every particle of food in thehouse, together with all the kitchen utensils, mustbe discarded during the whole Passover week.He therefore forbade her, under threats of violence,to consult him . Then , seeing the children cryingfor want of food , he gave them something to eat,and he himself ate a sorrowful and meagre repast.But poor Sarah fasted al l night

,and on the

following morning, while her husband and childrenwere sti ll asleep, she went stealthily to the Rabbiand told him all that had happened during theprevious night. And he, without a moment

’sreflection on all the painful circumstances of thecase, at once directed that neither the food northe kitchen utensils were to be used during thePassover week. Further, he said, that herhusband was guilty of having broken one of theRabbinical laws, for which moral crime he wouldbe presently punished with imprisonment ! andhe ordered two of his accredited ofl‘icers to fetchhim

,and to consign him to jail . The oflicers

immediately carried out their order, and Elipheletspent his days of confinement in great afflictionof mind and heart. When , in due course, he wasreleased

,he was fi lled with repugnance towards

his wife,who had brought al l this trouble upon

him . He divorced her soon after, his household

46 HEBREW SATIRE

was broken up,and the domestic happiness of

the fam ily vanished for ever. Al l this misfortunewas thus due to a grain of corn found in thesoup on the first night of Passover.Apart from its obvious moral

,the satire throws

a good deal of light on the arbitrary powerspossessed by the Rabbis in the Ghetto of thedays of Nicholas I. To our modern notions itseems monstrous that the ecclesiastical authoritiesin Russia should have control over the religiousliberties of the person

,but

,if Gordon is to be

believed,it was by no means uncommon there.

SHALET.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

THERE is a dish well- known in many Jewishhouseholds, and its name is Shale t . Set in theoven on the Friday, it does not make its appearance until the midday of the Sabbath. Toothsome it is, and of grateful savour. Who doesnot know Heine’s encomium thereon in hisPrincess Sabbath, where he speaks ofShalet beauteous, heavenly spark , daughter

of E lysium

HEBREW SATIRE 47

The satire which is reproduced here in a condensed form , runs as followsAn itinerant Jewish preacher

,commonly

known as a Maggid , once came to a little Russiantown, called D ribishock

,where there was a small

but highly orthodox Jewish community. TheMaggid readily responded to the invitation togive a religious discourse on a Saturday morningin the Synagogue. His text was “ Savoury Meat

,

as mentioned in the twenty - seventh chapter of thefirst book ' of Moses. This savoury meat

,said the

preacher, was no other than the common S halet ,yet it was specially delicious, because, accordingto an old Rabbinical tradition , there were amongits ingredients a couple of calves’ feet. He thenwent on enlarging upon this theme, and the wholediscourse was listened to with marked attentionby all the congregants, and more especially bythe women - folk.

Calves’ feet were soon at a premium , and withthem the Saturday Shalet obtained an unexampledpopularity. The two leading ladies in the con

gregation were the wives of the Rabbi and thePresident. The latter had won the dignity ofhis office for two reasons. In the first place, heheld an appointment under the Russian Government

,which invested him with the power of

collecting all the taxes, including the meat tax ,

48 HEBREW SATIRE

due by the Jewish inhabitants of D ribishock.

And then,his charitable disposition made him

very popular in the community at large. His wifesometimes took advantage of this

,and did certain

little things which roused the anger and displeasure of the Rabbi’s wife.Now

,she once invited some of her non-Jewish

friends to dine with her on a certain Saturdayafternoon

,to acquaint them with the famous

Shale t. She,therefore, bought up and removed .

all the calves’ feet that had remained in thebutcher’s shop

,including those which had been

set apart for the Rabbi’s house. The Rabbi’s wife,

on sending to enquire why her orders had notbeen carried out

,was told the reason .

Deeply incensed , she invoked her husband’s

aid . He, poor man , remonstrated with hermildly

,but she told him that

,if he allowed this

to pass unnoticed , she would become the laughingstock of the community. He must

,therefore

,in

his capacity as Rabbi of the community,forbid at

once the use of Shalet. She would thus regainher prestige, and would have the satisfaction ofhaving worsted the President’s lady.

When the Rabbi saw his wife’s tears,he knew

that his refusal would cost him his peace andtranquil lity of mind. He therefore sent for thebeadle, and gave him a paper with instructions to

HEBREW SATIRE 49

read it out at the conclusion of the Sabbathmorning service . This was done

,and it was

announced that the Rabbi strictly forbade theuse of that day’s Shale t, and that at the end ofthe afternoon service he would give his reasons.Naturally everyone refrained from using theShalet, excepting the President and his wife, whosuspected that the Rabbi

'

s lady was at the bottomof the prohibition.

The Rabbi’s discourse was duly delivered .

After discoursing a Talmudical thesis on someanimals mentioned in the B ible

,he went on to

speak of the calf. Calves’ feet were an importantingredient in the preparation of Shalet, but solarge had been the demand for them that hesuspected the butcher might have supplementedhis stock from forbidden sources. He thereforeconsidered it incumbent upon him to suggest thatthey should abstain from al l meat until a moretrustworthy butcher was appointed. He alsoimpressed upon his hearers the necessity of theirdestroying all their kitchen utensils , and of re

placing them by new ones.The Rabbi’s decision produced the most

disastrous results. As the use of meat wasstopped in the community, the usual tax thereonwas not forthcoming, and thus the benefit ceasedthat several charitable institutions had derived

D

50 HEBREW SATIRE

from it. Nay, through this adverse circumstance,even the Rabbi’s scanty income was seriouslyaffected

,and all this was due to his wife not

getting the calves’ feet w ith which she would have

been able to make the Shale t

Leon Gordon’s best satires were written in verseform

.The two following may serve here as

specimens of the rest

THE FATTED GEESE .

IN a little Russian villageLived a pious widowed dame ,Who sold poultry for a living ,And Rebecca was her name .

Once,

’twas in the heart of winter,Rebecca bought—and bought them cheapA lovely pair of snowy goslings

,

Which she carried home to keep.

’Neath her couch she softly laid them,

Watched them with a mother’s care,

Grudged herself her slender substanceThey had plenty, and to spare.

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52 HEBREW SATIRE

Begged him for her children’s welfareNot to interdict the birds.

But the Rabbi , fat, well- looking,Would not hear the widow outGeese l ike these,

" he said ,“ are never

For my flock,the true, devout.

And as for your children starving,Yield not thus to foolish cares ,If you go into the Ghetto,You can BEG your bread—and theirs !

A CURIOUS INC IDENT.

A WEALTHY Jew, alas, a miser,When he could no longer copeWith his ailments, called the DoctorDoctor said there was no hope.But in all the miser’s household

Neither wife nor child pretendAny sorrow at the notionOf his fast-approaching end .

For she is already dreamingOf a happier nuptial ring

,

And the children wait the richesWhich his death to them will bring

.

HEBREW SATIRE

And the pleasant prospect pleasesE’en the undertaker’s crew

,

For their fees will buy them liquor,

And inebriate joys renew.

And the starving Jewish studentHopes to win his slender dole

,

For his mumbling over Kada’z'

sh,

Te al loy the miser’s soul.Joyful was the suffering RabbiHim the miser hated wellBut his funeral orationFlattered more than words can tell .Surely this,

” he calculated,

I s a hundred roubles worthSo I shall without a murmur

Quit this uncongenial berth.

Why should I not take a journeyTo the Holy Land ! The mouldOf the sacred Mount of OlivesCould be profitably soldTo the pious, who would place itIn their dear ones’ graves not leastThink upon the citrons, myrtles,Produce of the gorgeous East !Surely

,I can find a market

In this very town,I deem

Then farewell the starving RabbiWhat a fascinating dream ! ”

53

54 HEBREW SATIRE

But, alas, for all their visions,Soon the fatal tidings flew ,

That the miser’s state was betterTook his gruel and liked it too !Wife and children , needy students ,Al l of them were smitten dumb,Woe

,too

,for the famished Rabbi ,

Seeing all his hopes succumb.

Gloomy were the undertakers ,Baffled on enjoyment’s brink ,So they got them to a tavernAnd submerged their cares in drink .

Well -a-day ,” said one among them ,

Many griefs we can abate,Al l save death

,so master miser

Wil l be ours or soon or late.”

“True enough,

” replied his neighbour,But which of us can surely say

,

That we’l l hold our present billetsIf we live to see that day

THE DOT OF THE LETTER YOD.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR .

IN a Russian town,cal led Ayolon, there lived a

well- to-do Jewish shopkeeper, who had an only

HEBREW SATIRE 55

daughter named Bath Shua. She was youngand good- looking

,and possessed some accomplish

ments ! and there was every probability that, hadshe married a more or less educated man , hermarried life would have been a happy one. But

,

unfortunately for her, her father, being both'

abigot and an ignoramus

,gave her away

,without

first consulting her,to Hillel, a poor and ill - bred

student of Jewish theology. He was supposed tobe well-versed in Rabbinic lore, but otherwise hehad nothing attractive about him . His face wasshrivelled

,his eyes were round like a calf's

,and

his locks resembled the tails of apes, so that itwas but natural that Bath Shua, after her marriage,was far -from happy.

Bath Shua’

s father supported them as longas he lived

,but when he died , a few years after

the marriage,leaving but little behind him , her

husband left her, and went abroad to seek hisfortune. He finally settled at Liverpool , whencehe wrote that he could barely support himself,much less her and her two children. She therefore opened a little store , by means of which she

was able to earn a scanty livelihood .

During that time,she happened to make the

acquaintance of a young bachelor, named Fabi,who was the superintendent of a railway, and hada substantial income. He was struck with her

56 HEBREW SATIRE

beauty and intelligence, and learning, moreover,the sad story of her married l ife, he took so greatan interest in her that he proposed to make herhis wife

,as soon as she would be legally freed

from her careless and heartless husband. Heaccordingly wrote to the latter who, in his answer,expressed his willingness to send his wife a billof divorce Get provided that a certain sum ofmoney was sent to enable him to go to America.

Fabi complied with the condition, and, in duecourse

,the Get arrived which was soon after

transmitted to the local Rabbi .On the day when the ceremony of divorce was

to take place a large crowd of spectators assembled,among whom were naturally Bath Shua and herlover

,who, with heating hearts, looked forward

to the termination of the performance. But theRabbi, who was devoid of pity and sense , declared ,after having looked for a moment at the Get,

”

that it was invalid, as the husband’s name Hillel

was spelled without a “Yod. The Rabbi’s decisionwas final, and Bath Shua, poor soul, had to facelife-long desolation , solely because the Rabbi wasignorant of the rules of the Hebrew grammar

Peter, or Perezfi

Smolenskin, also occupied aprominent place among the little band of Hebrew

HEBREW SATIRE 57

satirists that flourished in Russia in the nineteenthcentury. He was born at Monastirschina, government Moghilef, in the year 1 84 2 ,

and,after a life

of penury and hardship, died at Meran , Austria,in 1 88 5. His Hebrew novels

,written in a

humorous vein,depict the life in the Ghetto with

artistic skill . In one of them,entitled Keburath

Chamor (the Burial of an Ass) , the authortakes a dish of pancakes as his theme. The story,somewhat condensed , is as fol lows

THE M ISS ING PANCAKES.

THERE is somewhere in Russia a little towncalled Kassula, which once had, and may stil lhave

,a Ghetto. I t differed very little in its

essence and nature from other Che ttos, except ,perhaps

,that superstition played a larger part in

the lives of the residents than elsewhere. They believed, for instance, that the loft of their old and aweinspiring synagogue was haunted by the souls ofdeparted members

,as well as by numerous demons

and evil spirits. Hence , no one ever ventured togo up there

,except old Isaac, the grave-digger,

who, as men of his calling proverbially are, was ofa cheerful and humorous temperament. This sense

58 HEBREW SATIRE

of humour was inherited by his only son , Hyam ,

whose boyish pranks frequently got him intodifliculties.

Hyam attended the private school kept byZebulun

,a much- suffering little man , who , in spite

of his hard work,scarcely ever enjoyed a proper

meal. His famished appearance,however, aroused

no sympathy in the breasts of any of his pupils,

save that of Hyam,who often said to himself, If

old Zebulun were better fed,he would be better

capable of enjoying my little jokes. Theopportunity came sooner than he had expected

,

and in this mannerThe most important of the societies in the

Kassula Ghetto was the Burial Society. Notonly was it in a sound financial position

,but its

President , Reb Getz, was also invested withpowers, of which none of the other societies couldboast. In fact

,he was much m ore feared and

respected in the community than anyone else,

not excepting even the Rabbi , although the onlyqualification he had for his post was his being acomparatively rich man . I t lay

,for instance

,in

his power to put an indel ible black mark againstthe name of any poor man in the communityhe did not dare to interfere with t he wealthywho was reputed to be lax in the Observances ofthe synagogue. He shall be buried with the

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60 HEBREW SATIRE

down to the yard. Finding no one there, hequickly took hold of the dish that was nearest tohim

,and ran with it into Zebulun’

s room. I t wasthe dish that contained the lovely pancakes.Zebulun was at first not inclined to eat them, buthearing young Hyam’s arguments that theywould not be missed. and that it was, besides, themerry Purim week

,when a joke was admissible

,

he consumed part of them with great enjoymentand relish. He even laughed heartily at thetrick, and Hyam himself was extremely glad,when he saw for the first time the joy on histeacher’s face . The former then returned to theloft of the synagogue to await developments.

Below in the yard the President and the members of the Burial Society were seated at thebanque t, and everything went on merrily up tothe moment when the d ish of pancakes was tomake its appearance. But, 10, it was missing !A roar of indignation arose at this sacrilege

,and

voices advocating revenge and punishment of theculprit were heard on all sides. This unusualdisturbance soon attracted a motley crowd ofpeople, including many of the old women ofthe neighbourhood , whose screams and lamenta

HEBREW SATIRE 61

tions added to the general confusion. Presentlythe President ordered the archives of the Societyto be fetched, and directed that the thief, whenidentified , should be marked down therein asbeing condemned to be buried with the burialof an ass.On hearing the President’s pronouncement

,

young Hyam cast through the window of the lofta large quantity of rubbish that had bee n heapedup there for many years past. And amidst thegeneral cry The ghosts and demons are coming,

” and the stampede that followed, he escapedunobserved, and returning to Zebulun, told him ina jocular way all that had just happened in theyard. Zebulun

,however, did not share his pupil

’smirth, but told him quite seriously that he musthenceforth consider himself an outlaw in theGhetto, as he would surely soon be identified as

being the person who stole the pancakes, andwould have to bear the consequences. YoungHyam took the hint

,and, leaving Kassula, he

went to a neighbouring town where there was aRabbi who

,being famous for his extensive

Talmudical knowledge,had attracted a number of

theological students as his pupils. Young Hyamsoon became one of them , and , by dint of hisinborn capacity

,combined with his gift of natural

humour,he became

,in the course of several

62 HEBREW SATIRE

years’ study,the Rabbi’s special favourite. One

day,therefore

,when Reb Getz wrote to the

Rabbi,asking him to recommend him the best of

his pupils as a suitable bridegroom for his onlydaughter

,young Hyam was named and accepted.

Soon after,he went home in company with his

future father-in- law,and , as a mutual attachment

sprang up between him and his beautiful bride,they were

,after a brief engagement, united in a

happy m arriage.

I I I .

As in most of the other Ghettos in existence,there was in Kassula a communal house, knownby the name of “ Beth Hamidrash.

” Therecommunal business was transacted

,and it specially

served as a divorce court,where dissatisfied

couples obtained judicial separation from eachother by the granting of a so - called “Get ” by thehusband to his wife. One large room in thehouse was generally used by a small number ofpoor and old men who devoted their time partlyto prayer and the study of the law

,and partly

to idle gossip.

“What a lucky thing,

” said oneof those present, is the recent marriage of youngHyam , the son of the late gravedigger, I saac, tothe charming daughter of the wealthy Presidentof the Burial Society ! ” “Yes

,

” said another

HEBREW SATIRE 63

he is lucky, indeed , and such good luck is quiterare, and only falls to one man among a mil lionof people. But young Hyam is said to beexceptionally clever, and to know the greaterpart of the Talmud by heart. Well, let himenjoy the happiness as long as it lasts For,who knows what the ne xt hour may bring.

While these idlers were thus discussingHyam’s fortunate marriage

,their conversation

was suddenly interrupted by the unexpectedentrance of the President of the Burial Society,followed by the Rabbi and som e other officialsof the community. They had come there withthe object of having the Get drawn up

,which

was to annul Hyam’s marriage ! Hyam hadtold his young wife of some of his youthfulescapades

,including the episode of the missing

pancakes,and she

,thinking it a capital joke ,

told it to her mother, who repeated it to herhusband.

The latter was furious against his son-in- law,

who,having been doomed to be buried with the

burial of an ass,would necessarily disgrace the

whole family. But, as neither she nor herhusband could be induced to consent to thiscruel parting , they both left their happy home,and went to l ive abroad . Here they sufferedgreat hardships

,to which they ultimately suc

64 HEBREW SATIRE

cumbed . Thus,a missing dish of pancakes

was the cause of two young lives being sadly

wrecked .

THE “ CHEDER.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

I WAS of a very tender age, when I lost myparents

,and the only near relatives I had were

an uncle and an aunt. He was a well- to-domoney changer, but noted for his meanness andvulgarity

,whilst she, never having had any

children of her own , hated intensely those ofother people, including myself. Yet, she feltbound to accede to her husband’s proposal that

,

in consideration of the moral obligation they hadto me as a relative and an orphan, I should stayin thei r house

,until some other arrangements

could be made.When I arrived at my new home

,I found it

comfortable enough, but owing to the coldnesswith which I was treated by my uncle and auntI was far from happy there. One morning

,he

sent for me, and told me that I was to pack mybelongings and go with him to the local Citea'er,where I was to live and be educated. At first

,

I jumped at the idea, but when I saw the house

“

HEBREW SATIRE 65

which was to be my future home, my heart sankwithin me. I t was more of a dirty hovel than ahouse. I t was situated , like most of the C/zea

’arzm

that abound in Russia and elsewhere , at thecorner of a dark alley, and close to it was a bigswamp, redolent with evil- smelling refuse. Thehouse contained only one room of a somewhatlarge size which seemingly served its occupant—commonly called Melamed (teacher)—b0thas a class and a dining- room. The furniturewas an old table and a few greatly damagedwooden benches, on which some boys weresitting

,listening to the sing—song voice of their

teacher. In one corner stood a cradle,in which

the teacher’s youngest baby was being lulled tosleep by its sour- tempered mother.To brighten up the darkness of the room

there were two big picture frames on the wall,that contained

,instead of figures , two inscriptions

in large Hebrew characters of deep red colour,viz., On this side hovers the spirit of Life,

” andThis is a remembrance of the Destruction of the

Temple.”

The Melamed himself was a little darkhaired

,famished- looking man , with a squint in

the right eye,which served to keep his pupils,

and sometimes his wife , in awe and subjection.

He was wearing a loose and ill-fitting dressingE

66 HEBREW SATIRE

gown which,owing to long wear and tear, had

lost its original colour,but had acquired a variety

of new ones. My uncle’s appearance causedhim some excitement

,because he knew him by

reputation to be rich and influential in the community. Imagine then his delight, when myuncle whispered in his ear the unexpectedpleasant intelligence that I , his nephew, wasintended to be his boarder and pupil. After al lthe arrangements had been satisfactorily concluded, my uncle left me and retu rned home.Meanwhile the Melamed was so greatly

overjoyed at his unforeseen good luck that hetold his pupils to go and play for a little whileoutside the house , cautioning them also to mindthe swamp. The boys rushed out of the room

,

as if released from imprisonment,and I

,too

,

followed their example. But,as I ran out

,I

unfortunately tumbled over a large earthen jug,

fi l led with unclean water that was standing nearthe door, so that it broke, and its contents werespilled.

When the Melamed ’s wife saw what I haddone, she jumped at me, and, seizing me by thehair, belaboured me most mercilessly. Portumately, however, her husband interfered , and saidthat he would divorce her forthwith if she didnot let me go at once. She released me on

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68 HEBREW S ATIRE

quick for her,and dashing out of the house, I ran

and ran till I was quite exhausted, and had to sitdown on a mile- stone on the main road to enjoy alittle rest. I then went on wandering about aimlessly

,and thanked Providence that my experience

of the l ife in the Cheder was but an extremelyshort one.

Another author of some delightful Hebrewsatires is Mendel D olitzki, who was born inBie listock (REESE ) in 18 56 . One of them isentitled Likkuy Sheney Ha-Meoroth (Theextinguishing of Two Great Lights) , and revealssome chicanery of two opposition “ Rebbes.” I truns

,in a greatly condensed form

,as follows

In a little Russian town,called “Fools’ Hill

,

where a vast number of the so- cal led Chassidimwere gathered , there lived a famous Rebbe

,

whose name was Lem ech. He had the reputationamong his numerous devotees of possessing divineor supernatural powers which enabled him toperform miracles. He could heal the sick

,help

barren woman to become mothers,and drive out

the most stubborn evil spirit. Clad in long whitegarments, he spent the greater part of the dayin the seclusion of his study

,where he was said

by his fol lowers to be battling with Satan and

HEBREW SATIRE 69

other angels of destruction and,being supposed

to enjoy the Almighty’s special favour, it was butnatural that his prayers alw ays won him the day.

As Rebbe Lem ech’

s reputation as a wonderworker spread to all parts of the country

,numerous

clients flocked daily to Fools’ Hil l ” to consulthim about their private affairs. But only thosewho were able to pay handsomely for the privilegewere admitted to his presence.Thus , during the period of twenty years , which

Rebbe Lem ech spent at Fools’ Hill ” in doinghis sacred work

,he amassed a large fortune which

,

though an open despiser of worldly possessions,he secretly invested in landed property, and heultimately became the owner of a large andbeautiful house, standing in its own grounds, witha large vineyard and orchard attached. He alsokept a carriage and a pair of fine horses, whichhelped him to show his independence, and enabledhim to make his own terms with clients, who wereanxious to have a private interview with him .

But, one day, something unforeseen happenedin Fools’ Hill that threatened to destroy forever the happiness of Rebbe Leme ch and of hisfamily. An opposition Rebbe, D otz by name,came and settled there with a smal l retinue ofChassidim ! Soon after, the followers andsupporters of Rebbe B otz made it known all over

70 HEBREW SATIRE

the town that he was gifted with extraordinarysupernatural powers

,and that he wrought more

wonders in a day than Rebbe Lem ech did in awhole month. The effect of this was that themajority of Rebbe Lem ech

’

s constituents secededfrom him

,and bestowed their patronage on the

new- comer. In the face of this crisis, Rebbe

Lemech became greatly alarmed ! he thereforeconvoked a meeting of the few supporters, whostill remained faithful to him . And after severalproposals had been made

,the following one,

advanced by Rebbe Lem e ch himself, was adoptedby the acclamation of all present. I t was simplythis ! that Rebbe D otz should be asked whetherhe would agree to accept two thousand rouble s inbank - notes as a present

,under the condition that

he should leave Fools’ Hill that very night,

and settle somewhere else . This proposal metwith the approval of the other party

,and in the

dead of the night,unknown to any outsider, Rebbe

Bo tz left the town,in the carriage which Rebbe

Lem e ch obligingly lent him for the journey.

A short time after, the local police wereinformed by one of Rebbe Lem ech

’

s servantsthat a burglary had been committed at his master’sstables. A man of bad character, he said , whowas known to be a professional forger

,it was

believed , had broken in during the night, and

HEBREW SATIRE 71

had drive n off in a carriage and pair of horsesjust a few hours before. Thereupon a numberof mounted policemen at once started in pursuit

,

and soon secured the supposed criminal . Onsearching his pockets

,they found the forged

bank -notes,which had been given to him as a

present by Rebbe Lem e ch’

s order. In vain didRebbe D otz protest his innocence. He was

brought back to Fools’ Hill ,” and thrown into

prison,where he was kept as a great criminal

and badly treated by the officials. In conse

quence of this, he fel l i ll and died, and was buriedin the local Jewish cemetery.

To celebrate his rival’s death, which left himalone in his glory

,Rebbe Lem ech invited all

his old and new devotees to a banquet. But

when the revelry was at its height, a man, witha long

,white beard

,rushed into the dining hall ,

dragging a female after him . This, he said toRebbe Lem ech ,

was his daughter, who waspossessed of an evil spirit, namely, the soul ofthe late Rebbe B otz ,

and he had come to him toexorcise it. At the same moment, the womanbegan to shout out that Rebbe Lem ech was thecause of Rebbe D otz

’

s death,that he himself

was a swindler and forger of bank-notes, whichhe counterfeited in his secluded study , whilehe pretended that he was engaged in fighting

72 HEBREW SATIRE

with Satan and the other angels of destruc

tion.

At this awful and unexpected revelation ,Rebbe Lemech was overcome with fear and re

morse,and

,falling into a swoon , was struck with

paralysis. He lost the power of speech, andspent the rest of his life in great pain andmisery. The supposed old man and daughterwere actually two of the chief supporters of thelate Rebbe D otz, who disguised themselves asthey did

,in order to make these disclosures more

overwhelming. They thus partly revenged thedeath of the innocent Rebbe Dotz , who hadalways been a true and devoted friend to them .

THE HEBREW POET.

BY AN ANONYMOUS HEBREW SATIRIST.

ONE fine, bright day in May I was ramblingabout the country, enjoying the beautiful andvaried aspects of nature. In the afternoon

,when

the heat of the sun had become excessive , I satdown on a little hi ll bordering on a large forestof trees, where I was soon lul led to a pleasantsleep by the sweet songs of the birds that nestledin the branches. Suddenly

,however

,I was

HEBREW SATIRE 73

awakened by the shrill voice of some invisibleperson, who seemed to be reciting poetry. Ondes cending the hill to ascertain who it was, I sawa curious- looking l ittle man , sitting at the foot andreciting verses from a small volume that he heldin his hand. When I came near him

,he greeted

me in a friendly manner,and told me that he

was a Hebrew poet, and the author of a volumeof verses, some extracts from which he was justreading aloud for his own amusement. Thisvolume, he added, had a sad history of its own,

which, he said , he would be pleased to tel l me , ifI cared to hear it ! and without waiting formy reply, he at once began, as fol lowsFrom my very birth I seem to have been

destined by fate to be an unlucky creature.Having gone through all the illnesses which littlechildren are mostly subject to, my early educationwas in consequence sadly neglected, and myinstruction consisted chiefly of Hebrew lessons.These were given to me by a private teacher

who, however, implanted in my heart an everincreasing love and admiration for the poeticalpieces of the B ible. Several of these I committedto memory

,and they no doubt helped to develop

my great faculty for the composition of Hebrewverse. This I composed very freely, and is, inmy opinion

, of high excellence. But here fate

74 HEBREW SATIRE

was again adverse to me. For,when I had

succeeded in finding a paper to publish mypoet ry, people found fault either with its contentsor its form.

My latest and most grievous disappointment,however

,was this. I always had the ambition of

having a collection of my verses printed in bookform

,by which means I hoped to gain both

fame and wealth, but I was too poor to undertakethe publication on my own account. Imaginemy delight then, when, one day, an il literate, butrich man came to me, and offered to have my

poems published , on the one condition that Ishould dedicate the volume to him , as he wantedhis name to be perpetuated thereby. I naturallyconsented to his proposal , and after the lapseof a short time, I had the great satisfaction ofseeing my volume of poems published in ahandsome cover. Thus, for a little while, I washappy in the consciousness that I was an authorof a printed collection of poems which

,I fully

believed, would be largely bought and widelyread. This i llusion, however, soon vanished,when a few weeks later I learnt that only onecopy had been disposed of, and that this waspresented gratis to a reviewer who had appliedfor it. But he, thankless creature that hewas, did not praise my work in his review,

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76 HEBREW SATIRE

A GRIEVOUS D ISAPPO INTMENT.

BY M . SCHEIKEWITZ .

S IMON GARLIC was a greengrocer in a small wayof business in a Russian hamlet. Misfortune,however

,in the loss of his wife and his credit,

pursued him,and he determined to convert his

entire stock-in-trade into cash, and to start lifeagain in the New World .

He took with him his only child, a bright littlegirl

,named Hulda

,and opened his business again

in New York . After a time,success began to

attend his efforts. He sent ship- loads of potatoesto foreign markets

,whence he derived large

profits,so much so

,in fact

,that, after some years,

he won for himself the title of the potato king.

”

In the meantime, he gave his daughter a m agnifi

cent education, hOping that she would thus befitted to be the wife of a rich and intellectualman.

She herself, in spite of her many accomplishments, could not help feel ing at times the indignityof possessing such an odious name as Garlic

,

”

and looked forward to marriage as a convenientmeans of getting rid of it for ever. On herseventeenth birthday her father gave a ball

,to

which he invited all the el igible young men of his

HEBREW SATIRE 77

acquaintance. But, curiously enough, their nameswere also derived from the vegetable world .

Thus, there was Reuben Horseradish, LazarusLeek , Naphtali Sauerkraut, and Saul Carrot

,

himself the possessor of brill iant red hair.As one introduction followed another

,Hulda’s

heart sank, and she could scarcely restrain hertears. On the following day, when her fatherasked her whether she cared for any of the sonsof his friends whom he had introduced to her theprevious evening

,she said she saw no advantage

in adopting another vegetable for her surname, andsooner than do so would remain single all her life.A few days later

,Hulda went to an entertain

ment,where a young Hebrew

,George Washington

by name, recited some of his own lyrical effusions.To Hulda it seemed as though they were ad

dressed specially to her,and she was correspond

ingly greatly elated . An introduction followed ,and before long they were engaged .

Her father was at first opposed to the engagement

,on the ground of the bridegroom’s poverty,

but at his daughter’s earnest request, finally gavein . The one stipulation he made was, that theengagement should be solemnised in strict accordance with certain rites observed and acted uponin his native country. The engagement contractwas to be written in Hebrew, duly signed by the

78 HEBREW SATIRE

parties in their Hebrew names,and attested by the

synagogue officials.To this stipulation Hulda raised no objection

,

and in due course the Rabbi,the intended bride

groom,and several of her and her father’s friends

arrived to assist at the forthcoming quasi- religiousfunction. The document was then duly drawnup, but, when it came to the time for signing, andWashington was asked by the Rabbi by whatname he used to be “ called up ” in synagogue

,he

blushed and replied “ Michael Onions.” Hulda,

with one cry of horror,swooned away

,and the

assembly broke up in great confusion .

Hulda ultimately married Reuben Horseradish,

but she only consented to do so under the condition that he should change his surname for amore euphonious one. He did so, and shedelights now in her new name Mrs Lincoln .

FALSE HOPES .

BY B IALICK.

IMPELLED by want, Reb Yom tov left his homeIn search of labour o’er the world to roamHe wandered far til l fortune to him boreA place as teacher in Talmudic lore.

HEBREW SATIRE 79

With fifty roubles as his yearly feesThough hard the work, his heart is now at ease !And to his wife he predicts the happy day

,

When they both will make greengrocery pay.

Two years he laboured then he homeward turnedWith half the hundred roubles he had earnedSnug in his pockets ! but when he had comeHard by the frontier, panic struck him dumb.Your passport,

” two imperious gendarmes cryBut that he had none

,he could not well deny.

A spy,they say

,and prison you must know

,

Or fifty roubles, and we’ll let you go.”

So,poor R eb Yom ian, with an aching heart,

From all his savings was compelled to part,And to his dear ones al l he gave was thisA tearful blessing, and a hearty kiss .

THE PRIDE OF POSSESS ION.

BY M. BERDASCHEVSKY .

IN the Ghetto of a small Russian town there oncelived a small

, ineflicient person, called Tobiah.As his delicate constitution prevented him fromworking

,his wife and only daughter had to

support him as well as themselves. This they

80 HEBREW SATIRE

did by selling cakes and sweets in the Ghettomarket

,and though their profi t was rather little

,

they sti ll managed to make both ends meet.Fortunately for them they had no rent to pay, astheir home had been inherited by Tobiah fromhis father

,to whom it had been bequeathed by a

near relative. I t would certainly be a misnomerto dignify Tobiah’s abode with the appellation ofa house. In reality it was nothing more thanan ugly dilapidated hovel that had two littleholes

,through which the l ight of day entered , and

also a big one that served as a door. Yet Tobiahwas exceedingly proud of it, especially as attachedto it was a small patch of grass, on which therestood a bench

,where on a fine day he would sit

,

contemplating with no small complacency thefamily estate. He would not even condescend toanswer the friendly greetings of his neighbour

,

Reb Tanchum , who was not a landed proprietor.This neglect of common courtesy on the part ofTobiah caused the former great annoyance, whichhe suffered patiently, as he was unable to prevent it.Having nothing particular to do at any time

,

Tobiah frequently went to the “Beth Hamidrash”

close by. There he not only said his prayersregularly, but also took part in the Ghetto gossip,especially when it referred to those persons who

,

HEBREW SATIRE 81

through their improvidence,had to sell their

houses at a heavy loss. “ It serves them right,

”

he would say, for had they lived the sameexemplary life that I do, they would haveescaped the catastrophe that has so justly befallen them.

”

At this place Tobiah met a widower,who

earned his living by keeping a horse and cart,

and soon managed to marry his only daughterto him . The arrangement was that his futureson-in- law should live with his young wife rentfree on the family estate, and that the horse andcart should be kept on the patch of grass. Indue course the marriage took place. Al l partiesseemed to be satisfied except the poor horse

,

which,owing to the want of stable accommoda

tion,had to stand or sleep in the open air after

a hard day’s work.

One day, however, something happened thatgreatly disturbed the tranquill ity of Tobiah

’smind . Being an ill iterate man , he did not know,

and never troubled to learn , the meaning of theHebrew prayers which he read aloud every day.

But, on that particular day, an itinerant preacher,who was an enthusiastic Zionist, gave a rel igiousdiscourse in the “ Beth Hamidrash,

" in which heexpressed his conviction that God Almighty hadat last listened to the prayers offered to Him

F

82 HEBREW SATIRE

daily by those present that the long- looked- forRedeemer might come and lead them back tothe Holy Land . At the same time the preacheradmonished his hearers that they should rewardhim for the cheerful tidings that he had broughtthem

,as otherwise the Redeemer might deem it

expedient to delay his arrival for some time tocome.When Tobiah heard the preacher’s discourse

he was greatly depressed , the more so since helearnt for the first time that he himself hadhelped unknowingly to bring about the forthcoming redemption of his people by offeringprayers to this end for so many years past.How could he emigrate and live in Palestine, hesaid to himself, without taking his dearly belovedestate with him ! On second thoughts, however,his depression gradually diminished

,and finally

disappeared altogether, for he was sure that thepreacher’s stipulated reward would not be forthcoming. If that were so, he doubted not thatthe Redeemer would delay his intended comingfor at least one more generation

,and then he

himself would be no more among the living.

This reflection raised his spirits,and gave him

courage to look pleasan tly into the immed iatefuture.But his serenity of mind was not allowed to

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84 HEBREW SATIRE

longer sitting on the little patch of grass. Nay,he even went so far as to add to his daily prayersan original one of his own. I t was that Providence might Speedily send an earthquake toshatter and swallow up his neighbour’s new house,while leaving his own property untouched . But,

in spite of all that,Reb Tanchum ’

s mansion waserected without any disaster whatever.One day, there was a great stir and excitement

in the “Beth Hamidrash.

" Next week RebTanchum was to give a great banquet to all theinhabitants of the Ghetto by way of a housewarming. Every one, rich and poor, was invited,only Tobiah was left out. And when the festivities were in full swing, and the host and hisguests were in the best of spirits

,the sad news

came that poor Tobiah had just died of a brokenheart.

THE RICH UNCLE.

BY A. G. GENES IN .

REB CHAIKEL was one of the inhabitants of theGhetto in a little Russian town called Zizelick.

There he was born and educated,and there

,too

,

he married at an early age a poor girl,who pre

s ented him periodically with a boy or a girl,and

HEBREW SATIRE 85

was sometimes useful to him in his little groceryshop. I t is but natural that Zize lick was to RebChaike l the dearest spot on earth

,the more so

since near to it there was a large farm thatbelonged to a rich uncle of his who lived in asplendid mansion in Odessa as an old bachelor.Although he had never seen his uncle or his

farm, he was nevertheless very proud of both, andused to talk about them to his customers. Theseallusions were not without advantage to him ,

inasmuch as his creditors did not press him tosettle his outstanding accounts with them,

and eventrusted him with new goods before the old oneshad been paid for. He had therefore good reasonto be satisfied with his lot on earth, and his mindwas l ittle disturbed whenever a new offspringappeared . On these occasions, he would alwaysthink delightedly of his rich and aged uncle , who,he was sure

,would not fail to leave to him and

his belongings all, or at least the greater part, ofhis earthly possessions.One day

,there was great excitement in the

household of Reb Chaike l, which soon spread tothe Ghetto

,too . A letter had arrived from the

rich uncle’s Secretary,stating that his employer

intended to visit his farm , and that -on his waythrough Zize lick he might perhaps find a fewminutes’ time to visit his relatives, who were

86 HEBREW SATIRE

reported to be living there. At first, Reb Chaike l

was greatly elated on hearing of his uncle’sintended visit

,especially whe n many of the Ghetto

people congratulated him on his good luck inbeing given the chance of ente rtaining in hishouse a relative who was said to own at least halfa million of roubles. But after a little while hisjoy diminished perceptibly, for he thought of thegreat expense which the visit would entail uponhim .

In the first place,his little house and shop, be

reckoned,would require whitewashing

,and the

furniture repairing. Then , his wife and childrenwould want new ' clothes, in order to appeardecently dressed when their distinguished visitorarrived . And finally

,he thought that

,should his

uncle feel inclined to take some refreshments,it

would be necessary to procure a decent tea andcoffee service. Fortunately

,however

,for Reb

Chaike l his anxiety was somewhat reduced whensome dealers in the Ghetto offered to let him haveon credit al l the articles he required ! for theyhad no doubt whatever that the uncle would

,on

his departure , present his nephew with a bigcheque that would do more than merely pay thecost of his extra expenditure.In due course the uncle drove up in a stately

carriage to his relative’s little house ! keen

HEBREW SATIRE 87

interest was displayed by a number of the Ghettopeople, who

, on his appearance , cheered himloudly . On the plea of urgent business

,he only

stayed a few minutes in the house,and after

having condescended to take some refreshments ,and to shake hands with his nephew and themembers of his family

,he drove off to his farm ,

tel ling Reb Chaike l that he would be pleased tosee him some day at Odessa.

After his departure the tradespeople came toask for their money. But all that the poor mancould give them was the assurance that his unclehad invited him to come and see him at Odessa,and that he hoped he would then be able tosettle all his outstanding accounts . This assurance satisfied his creditors

,some of whom even

advanced him a little more money to coverthe expenses of his journey to Odessa. Reb

Chaike l was thus obliged to start immediately,although he did so with a heavy and trembling

heart.The journey took some days , during which

time he met with several unpleasant adventureswhich greatly upset his mind. When he at lastarrived at his uncle’s mansion , the butler wouldnot admit him

,on the plea that his master was

particularly busy that morning. On two subse

quent days he received the same reply, but he

88 HEBREW SATIRE

finally succeeded in obtaining admittance to hisuncle’s presence by giving the butler an acceptable tip.

The uncle,however

,seemed to be in a bad

humour when Reb Chaike l made his appearance,and expressed his surprise at the great hurryhe was in to pay him his return visit. But thepoor man told his uncle that he did so out ofnecessity

,as business was exceptionally bad

,

and he thought that he might obtain from himsome remunerative employment on his farm.

The uncle said this was impossible, but gave him

a cheque for a small amount to pay for his returnjourney.

When Reb Chaike l arrived at Zizelick, helooked pale and worried. To his creditors

,who

soon flocked to his house, he said that he hadfound his uncle in a dying condition. He therefore strongly advised them to be patient

,as he

fully expected that he would be remembered inhis uncle’s will. Nay, he might perhaps becomethe owner of his uncle’s farm , in which event hewould be very generous to them by letting themhave the produce thereof at a greatly reducedprice.

HEBREW SATIRE 89

A DREAM AND ITS MEAN ING.

BY M . FRISCHMAN .

CALIPH ABDULA slept, when 10 ,there came

A dream to him,which

,when the dawn was near,

Fled not, but stood clear- pictured in his eye.The manner of his dream was this ! he sat’Neath a tall tree of spreading foliage

,

Which screened him from the sun’s o’

erwhe lming

rayWhen

,on a sudden ,

’cross the desert brokeA wild typhoon that crashed upon the tree,And reft it of its branches

,that they lay

Shivered,and of its erstwhile leafy pride

Bared, left but the gnarled unlovely bole .

So,when he woke

,he marvelled at the dream ,

And bade them call his soothsayer to him ,

To ravel out the portent of the dream .

“ S ir,

” quoth the Sage, “Allah (whose nam e beblessed)

Hath sent this dream to tel l thee of his wil lKnow

,then

,that even as the tempest bared

The tree of all its branches, so grim deathShall strip the branches of thy august lineWroth was the Cal iph, and the mandate wentTo seize the Sage

,lay on an hundred stripes,

I)

90 HEBREW SATIRE

And then,to fling him in a dungeon vile,

Where he should bide until the end was come.

Then came another Sage, and he was bidTo ravel out the portent of the dream .

And he,for that he was full worldly wise,

In honeyed words bespake the Caliph thusThou, good my lord, thou art the mighty treeAnd therefore Allah (may his name be blessed )Hath sent this dream born vision , that therebyHe may acquaint thee of his wealth of love.Know that his wi ll is, that thy stem shall liveFor ever and for ever, when grim deathHath stripped the branches of thy august l ine !Glad was the Caliph

,and the mandate went

,

To dower the Sage with raiment and with gold,

And to proclaim it in the market-placeThat he of all the Sages should be chief.

Thus it befel l that , though the Sages twainPut one interpretation on the dream

,

The one got fame,the other but the lash.

So, brother, if thou canst but read aright’Tis not thy words

,but lzow thou speakest them

That leads thee to the pleasant things of life.

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92 HEBREW SATIRE

was not printed in Hebrew characters . Theyalso distributed a large number of old wigs amongthose women who had hitherto refrained fromwearing them . They likewise called on old I saac,the notorious moneylender

,and induced him to

consent to reduce the large interest which he hadbeen in the habit of charging his clients . Nay,they even succeeded in obtaining from him asubstantial donation to the funds that were beingcollected for the purpose of joining the orphans inmarriage.One of the orphans was Jossy,

a young man ofabout twenty years of age

,who

,having lost his

parents in early youth,and being without means

of subsistence,was supported by the community

on a small weekly allowance,and was also granted

the privilege of l iving rent free in the “ BethHamidrash

” There he was expected to makehimself useful in various ways

,especially in

keeping the place tidy,and in looking after

the fires of the great old and tottering stove.

Jossy was of peculiar manners and habits,and

some of those attending the Beth-Hamidrash

frequently chaffed him on his laziness and quaintattire . But he seemingly remained indifferentto the scorn heaped upon him by his crueltormentors, til l a remark of theirs drew hisparticular attention . They told him

,in fun

,that

,

HEBREW SATIRE 93

being an orphan , he had now the best chance ofgetting married to another orphan . He musttherefore make himself neat, as otherwise hemight remain a bachelor for the rest of his life .

This observation roused him from his usuallethargy, and the remembrance of it kept himawake all night.Now

,it so happened that, on the following

morning, Jossy attended a funeral , and that, beingin the cemetery, he passed the little house inwhich old Y okton, the gravedigger, and his onlydaughter, Jemima, were living. The girl hadrecently lost her mother

,and she was in con

sequence commonly called the cemetery orphan .

She was standing at the open window when Jossypassed by

, and seeing him clad in his quaintattire

,she could not help manifesting a tittering

smile. Jossy was at once captivated, not only byher smile

,but also by her rosy cheeks and plump

little figure. He began to picture to himselfthe great happiness that he would enjoy if hewere married to Jemima at the community’sexpense. In that event, he thought, he wouldalso have an excellent chance of ultimatelyobtaining old Y okton’

s position as gravedigger,

and would thus no longer be obliged to live inthe Beth-Hamidrash to be the butt of the community. He would then, besides, find particular

94 HEBREW SATIRE

pleasure in digging deep graves for his tormentorsso deep

,indeed

,would he make them that it would

be impossible for them to rise again at the generalresurrection .

Now,in this view, Jossy was not only not

afraid of the arrival of the plague,but he even

looked forward to it with genuine pleasure. Forhe was ful l of hope that it would help him tomarry his beloved, rosy-cheeked Jemima, andthus make him one of the happiest men inexistence Thus

,for several days running he

went early every morning to the chemist to askwhether there were yet any signs of the appearance of the plague. The chemist, good-naturedly,told him that there were none, and that he needhave no fear on that account. But the chemistwas surprised to notice that, in spite of hisrepeated reassuring answers, Jossy used to leavethe shop with a gloomy face.One morning, however, when Jossy paid his

usual visit, he found the chemist exceedinglybusy mixing drugs and fi ll ing medicine b ottles.And casting a hasty glance at his visitor’s face

,

the chemist handed to him a small packet ofdrugs, telling him at the same time to go to bedat once, and to call in a doctor, as he bore theunmistakable signs of the plague on his countenance. Thereupon poor Jossy s taggered home to

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96 HEBREW SATIRE

to the increase of their knowledge of Talmudicallore. But he did more than that. He oftenoccupied himself with writing letters to theRabbis of neighbouring congregations on theological questions relating to certain rites andusages of the synagogue. He retained copiesof these letters

,and likewise carefully preserved

the answers he received . For he thought thatsome day he might be able to publish them in

book form,under the title of Responsa

,

”

increasing thereby the volume of similar publications existing in the domain of Rabbinicalliterature.One morning

,while Reb Chaike was sitting

in his study letter-writing, his wife came inweeping and in the greatest distress, and toldhim that

,as his salary had not been paid for two

consecutive months, she had no money to get anyfresh provisions. But , apart from this, she added ,the tradespeople had emphatical ly declined to lether have any more goods before her outstandingaccounts had been partially settled . This newswas certainly somewhat disconcerting

,but soon

a happy thought struck him . He comforted hiswife by saying that he was thinking to gain somemoney by carrying out a plan which he had justconceived in his mind , and which was this ! Hewould , he said , set out on a journey to several

HEBREW SATIRE 97

provincial towns, in the synagogues of which hewould deliver religious discourses

,for which

,he

hoped,he would be handsomely paid . He would

at the same time also try to obtain subscriptionsin advance for the publication of his MS ., andthere was no doubt, he thought, that his effortswould be crowned with success . For he mightthus realise a sum of money which would domore than merely pay off their debts.His wife was

‘quite satisfied with his suggestiveplan , and at once began to make the necessarypreparations. In due course

,he got leave from

the President of the congregation , but only underthe condition that he should consent to his wifenot getting more than half his salary while hewas travelling about in the country. He alsoobtained a small loan from a wealthy member ofhis flock which enabled him to cover his forthcoming expenses

,and he likewise succeeded in

persuading Reb Y oike l, one of the beadles of theBeth-Hamidrash,

” to accompany him on histravels

,and make himself useful to him in various

ways.Soon after

,Reb Chaike left his home with a

light heart,and arrived with his companion in a

small town,in the synagogue of which he preached

the one sermon he had prepared . Taking for histext a sentence

,occurring in the Book of Proverbs

,

G

98 HEBREW SATIRE

Ch. x. v. 2 ,“Charity saves from ’

death, he remindedhis hearers of the fact that in Russia the plagueperiodically made its appearance, carrying off

ruthlessly numerous people of all ages belongingto both sexes. I t was

,therefore, their duty to

be always prepared for such sad emergencies, andto do their best to keep the plague away fromtheir midst. This, he added, they could effectivelydo by practising charity, which, as his text said,saved people from death. But they must e specially be charitable to poor Jewish authors whohave not the means to publish their works. Ashe was one of them ,

he hoped that they wouldextend their charity to himself also

,and , by their

paying him their subscriptions in advance,would

enable him to get his MS . printed . His bookwould teach them how to prolong their l ife inthis world , and how to obtain access to theheavenly Paradise. The preacher also quotedsome appropriate and attractive parables thatmade the whole proceedings highly successful .The same sermon he also delivered in severalother congregations with the same happy result

,

inasmuch as he realised a nice little sum ofmoney

,consisting of the fees he had obtained for

his religious discourses, and of the subscriptionsto his intended book which had been paid to himin advance.

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100 HEBREW SATIRE

A PLEASANT SURPRISE.

ARYEH KLEZMER was the precentor of a synagogue situated in a small Galician town. OnSabbath and festivals he was assisted in his dutiesby a small choir

,composed of a few boys and

a little,queer- looking man, a bachelor, named

Laibush. The latter had a pleasant, sonorousvoice which he displayed with great credit tohimself in solos. When he had finished, heinvariably looked up to the ladies’ gallery forsome token of approval . For, being rather conceited , he fancied that all the fair maidens in thecommunity were secretly in love with him

,and

that their chief object in attending the synagogue

was to hear his beautiful voice. Needless to saythat

,in consequence of his fancy

,he was enamoured

of some of them , but there was one to whom hefelt specially attracted. This was Esther

,the

blue- eyed and golden- locked daughter of AryehKlezmer. For it seemed to him that she alwayswelcomed his solos with a furtive smile which hetook as a sign of her admiration of his voice aswell as of his person. He had certainly the

mortification of seeing now and again one fairmaiden after another of the community gettingengaged and married to the man of her choice

,

HEBREW SATIRE 101

but this he could bear with equanimity as long ashis specially beloved Esther remained single.

One day, however, he was greatly shocked tolearn that Esther, too, was engaged to a localtradesman, and that the wedding would shortlytake place in the synagogue. He felt that itwould be impossible for him to assist at theceremony, and he therefore decided to leave thetown altogether, and to go abroad.

Now, it so happened that Laibush had anuncle, well advanced in years, who l ived in anIrish town , where there was a small Jewishcongregation, to which he had, for a great numberof years

,served as minister

,and he accordingly

went there, hoping he might some day succeedhim . He was

,however, doomed to disappoint

ment. For, when he arrived at his uncle’s place,

he found him in the best of heal th and spirits,having just married a young wife. Laibush had ,therefore, to make a living by working as a glazier,and as his hair and beard were dark, and he was,moreover

,clad in faded black garments, he was

generally known to the non -Jewish inhabitantsof the town as the Rabbi - glazier .The uncle was naturally highly indignant at

his undignified behaviour, and offered to pay hispassage to America. But he remained obdurate,till a certain incident occurred which induced him

102 HEBREW SATIRE

to accept his uncle’s offer. A terrific stormarose one night in the town, which caused greatdamage

,and brokem any panes ofg lass in various

places,including the principal church. Now, the

pastor of this church happened to be a zealousmember of the Jewish Mission Society, and, at ameeting of the Elders, he proposed that theRabbi-glazier‘ should be employed to repair thedamage caused by the storm . Laibush did thework

,and was handsomely paid for it. But to

his great dismay he read , a few days after, thefollowing in one of the local daily papersI t is rumoured that the well-known local

Rabbi-glazier was so greatly impressed with thebeauties of the church, the windows of which hehas recently restored

,that he is desirous of be

coming a permanent member therof.”

This was too much for Laibush, who, withoutmore ado, sai led for New York. Thanks to hispleasant voice he soon obtained the post ofprecentor to a small congregation , near theharbour. His stipend was rather small

,but he

had good prospects of its gradual increase,and he

therefore began seriously to think of looking outfor a l ife - companion . So he dressed himself inwell-fitting clerical garments, which gave him atolerably respectable appearance.One fine and sunny afternoon, when Laibush

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104 HEBREW SATIRE

fluency. Owing to his del icate constitution , hisfather did not have him taught any trade, but wasrather in favour of his studying Jewish theology,

which,he hoped

,might some day lead him to the

position of a Rabbi . So, Berel worked away at

his Hebrew and Talmudic,and supported himself

by giving private lessons in these branches oflearning.

Among his fellow- students w as one,named

Shm ere l, to whom Berel was greatly attached, notonly because he was , l ike himself, well versed inHebrew lore, but also because of his humorousdisposition . These qualities he seemed to haveinherited from his father, who lived on the fees he

got for reading prayers for the souls of departeddwellers in the Ghetto. He sometimes remarkedthat he thought that he was one of God’s specialfavourites. When my friend I saac

,the cobbler

,

"

he would say, gives me a small coin as a feefor reading prayers in memory of his departedmother-in- law, I presume that he himself got itfrom some neighbouring farmer whose boots hehad mended . The farmer himself got it fromShmule , the factor, who had bought his crop, whenit was sti ll unripe. Now, this crop ultimatelybecame valuable, thanks to plentiful rain andsunshine , which were both sent by God’s favour.By this process, said Shm ere l

’

s father in con

HEBREW SATIRE 105

clusion,

“ I myself have been indirectlybenefited.

Shm erel was fond of writing Hebrew poems ofa satirical turn. One, for instance, was about ashabby old wig worn by the Rabbi

’s wife,the

chief merit of which was that it helped her toconceal a great part of her unlovely face. Inanother poem he referred to the Rabbi’s haughty,but elderly daughter. He compared her to anartificial flower which

,in spite of its dazzling

colour, failed to attract even the most insignificantinsect in ex istence.One day, an incident happened which ended

Bere l’

s and Shm ere l’

s studies. On the Sabbathpreceding the Day of Atonement, the -Rabbidelivered a sermon in the synagogue in which headmonished his hearers to refrain from all trans

gressions of the Law. A common one was toread certain authors’ Hebrew translations, likeShakespeare

,Voltaire, and Heine, who were knownto have been most sceptical in their -rel igiousviews. The perusal of such corrupting works wasdamnable, and ought, therefore, not to be practisedby anyone who was really pious and God- fearing.

Berel and Shmere l happened to be among the

audience,and on leaving the synagogue the latter

remarked to his friend, with a twinkle in his eye,that he thought the Rabbi was a great hypocrite.

106 HEBREW SATIRE

For there was no doubt that he himself must haveread the very books he censured , and yet hestrictly forbade them to do likewise. Naturallyenough

,they read the books for themselves , and

ultimately removed to the Russian capital . Therethey entered upon a journalistic career, andpublished a weekly Hebrew paper which theycalled Thand” and Lightning.

” This waspartly of a literary

,and partly of a political

nature. Shm ere l wrote the literary articles,containing

,among other things, fanciful biographies

of persons mentioned in the B ible, such as Og,

King of Bashan , or Rahab the harlot, in whichseveral diverting episodes were described with asmuch minuteness as if they had actually occurred .

Berel,on his part

,wrote the pol itical articles

,

but,not knowing much of politics generally

,he

fil led his columns with descriptions of the crueltreatment which millions of Jews received at thehand of a government which , for obvious reasons,he called the Chinese. He referred to a supposedsecret alliance between the Emperor of China and“The B lack Hundred

,who had planned and

perpetrated many so- called pogroms in variousparts of the Chinese Empire. Berel, of course,thought that, since his articles were written inHebrew, their contents would remain unknown tothe Russian authorities. But herein he was

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108 HEBREW SATIRE

be as strictly religious as he himself had alwaysbeen. To effect his object

,he had his will drawn

up, and appointed his son to be his sole heir andexecutor

,but appended the following conditions.

He must prepare himself for the Jewish ministry,and must also

,after having obtained a post,

promulgate among his flock the principles oforthodox Judaism .

When, after his father’s demise, Shabsy learnt

the contents of the will,he was by no means

displeased, for he thought he would find it veryeasy to carry out its provisions. He had,however, to dismiss the idea of leaving his nativetown, and of pursuing his theological studieselsewhere, as the means at his disposal would notpermit of it. He therefore decided to studyprivately at home

,and to avail himse l f occasionally

of the help of the Rev. Mr Samach,the local

Jewish minister.Mr Samach, a native of Russia, was a funny

little man , and had always a sardonic smile onhis countenance. In his younger days he hadstudied in Berlin, and was full of ambition, hopingthat he might at some future time succeed inoccupying a prominent position in the Jewishministry, when he would do his best to pushforward the modern reform movement in Jewishreligious matters. Being always interested in

HEBREW SATIRE 109

ancient manuscripts relating to B iblical subjects,

he was quite excited when,one day

,he happened

to read a German translation of the well- knownDeluge Tablets, discovered in the latter half ofthe nineteenth century, by the late Mr Smith , theeminent Oriental scholar. “Oh , he said tohimself

,

“ these Tablets confirm my own theoryin regard to some stories of the Hebrew B ible

,

namely, that their origin can be traced back tothe still more ancient Babylonian literature.But a sudden stop was placed upon Samach

’

s

theological studies by the following , somewhatromantic incident. He dined, one day, at a smallJewish restaurant

,and happened to sit near an

extremely pretty girl, being the daughter of apoor Jew ish emigrant from Russia who was onthe point of going to settle in the same town inEngland where Shabsy lived , and where somerelatives of his resided . Samach was at oncegreatly enamoured of the fair maiden

,forgetting

for a moment the Deluge Tablets and all theother manuscripts he had read with such greatinterest in the Berlin Museum . Presently hedeclared his ardent love for her, and was soonafter accepted by her as her future husband . Henaturally followed her and her father to theirdestination

,where his marriage took place. Not

long after,he obtained , thanks to his extensive

110 HEBREW SATIRE

knowledge of Hebrew lore, the post of Jewishminister

,which happened to become vacant there.

.What irony of Fate ! He, who entertained

the most radical views concerning certain ritesand customs of the synagogue, was now obliged,not only to observe them himself, but also torecommend them to the members of his flock.

He,however

,looked upon the whole matter with

the eye of a laughing philosopher,and managed

to hide his hypocrisy as well as some of hiscolleagues were in the habit of doing.

One morning, when Mr Samach was in oneof his humorous moods, he was visited byShabsy, who introduced himself as a would-bestudent, and asked him at the same time whatbooks he would recommend. Mr Samach glancedat the stupid face of his visitor

,and thought he

would have some fun with him. He thereforeadvised him to read as many manuscripts as hecould get hold of on ancient Jewish theology.

When Shabsy returned to his lodgings, hislandlady told him that she had just heard thatan Oriental-looking man who had lodged forsome time with her neighbour

,Sarah Gram

’

p,

was, on leaving, unable to pay his bill , and thatshe had accepted , instead of payment, somecurious thing. I t was a bundle of old and wellfingered MSS ., which the man had declared to

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112 HEBREW SATIRE

brought them to Mr Samach. He glanced atthem for a moment

,and soon burst out laughing.

For he found them to be only a collection ofcredentials

,testifying to the noble character and

the great abilities of their previous owner, themysterious man from the East, who had leftthem with Sarah Gramp in payment of his bill.He also expressed his opinion that these credentialsmust be spurious.

A PURIM PLAY.

IN the Ghetto of a Russian hamlet there livedtwo men in humble circumstances

,who were,

nevertheless, as well known in the communityas if they had been people of some importance.One of them , D avidle by name, was an oldbachelor, and a cobbler by profession, while theother, called Karpele, was a married man witha large family of children , who made a scantyliving by selling Kosher milk, which he himselfbrought to the houses of his customers.One of the chief characteristics of Davidle was

this. He was not only able to prolong the l ifeof old and moribund boots and shoes , but hecould also extemporise rhymed prose in jargonthat was sparkling with light satire which he

HEBREW SATIRE 113

exhibited on various occasions, and more especiallyat wedding dinners.There he would, for instance, tel l a l ittle tale

of a nameless old lady who had sent him twicein one week a pair of tattered old shoes formending, and who refused to pay his little bill ,on the plea that‘ the patches did not stick. Or

,

he would make the beadle of the synagogue thebutt of his satire, by admonishing him not toindulge in the strong drinks placed on the festivetable, as otherwise he would make his red noseredder still. By such and similar satirical remarks,D avidle kept the festive guests in good temper

,

and his services were, in conseque nce, constantlysought after

,so much so, that no wedding dinner

was considered complete without him .

As for Karpele, his distinction lay in thepos session of a powerful voice, which procuredhim the post of the Ghetto-Crier." As such

,

he would now and again announce all the newsthat might be of some interest to his neighbours

,

as,for instance, that . the Rabbi had got an

increase in his family, or that there Was meat to behad at the butcher’s which was as fat as the bestpork. Or

,again, he would tell them the exact

hour and minute when the forthcoming fast wasto begin and end, so that they might be able toact strictly according to law and custom.

H

114 HEBREW SATIRE

One morning,just a fortnight before the advent

of the festival of Purim,Karpele announced that,

on the coming Purim night, a short theatricalpiece

,composed by D avidle , and entitled “Esther,

”

would be performed in the dressing- room attachedto the public bath

,and that the price of ad

mission would be very trifling. This createdquite a stir, and early on the great evening alarge crowd flocked to the dressing-room . A

small part of this was set aside for a stage,which

was divided from the audience by a large colouredblanket that hung down from the ceil ing. Inone corner of the room , near the stage, sat threelittle men who formed the band. One playedthe flute

,another blew the com et, while the third

assisted his colleague s by beating an old anddisused big drum.

While the band was playing an introductorypiece of music, programmes written in jargon,were distributed among the spectators

,which set

forth the names of the actors in the play. I tcontained the information that old Isaac

,the

communal grave-digger,would represent King

Ahasuerus, while D avidle and Karpele wouldplay respectively the parts of Mordecai andHaman. In a note it was stated that

,since at

the last moment Karpe lé’s wife, in spite of his

earnest entreaties, had refused to act as Queen

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116 HEBREW SATIRE

Thereupon followed a short pause,during which

the band played a funeral march,to indicate

thereby Haman’s expected future doom. Whenthe curtain rose again

, D avidle , as Mordecai, wasseen conversing with Haman. He wore a longblack coat, and a cap to match, and seemed tobe in excellent spirits. For

,having saved the

King’s life,the latter bestowed several distinctions

upon him , ordering Haman at the same t imethat he should bring Mordecai on horsebackthrough the streets of the city

,and proclaim

before him !“Thus shall it be done to the man

whom the King delights to honour.” D avidle

also made use of some remarks found in someancient Rabbinical writings concerning additionalorders given by Mordecai to Haman

,his proud

and aristocratic enemy. Thus D avidle toldKarpele that he must at once prepare a warmbath for him , and likewise trim his beard andlocks. He also ordered him to do some otherserville work in connection with the King’scommand , which caustic observations provokedmuch merriment and laughter from the spectators.Amidst this general hilarity the curtain fell.In the next and final scene of the piece,

Karpele, as Haman, was seen kneeling near anold couch, and declaring his passion for QueenEsther. Her part, as already stated , was played

HEBREW SATIRE 117

by the beadle of the synagogue,wearing his

wife’s best gown and all her sham jewellery.

But, having unfortunately forgotten all he had

learnt to say on the occasion,and being, more

over, unable to hide his l ittle red beard , he onlygrinned and grinned again

,to the great amusement

of al l spectators. One of them,a little mis

chievous boy, became so excited that he threwhis cap at his head

,but

,missing him, it hit

the solitary oil- lamp on the stage. I t felldown with a great crash

,plunging the stage in

darkness.Thereupon loud calls summone d D avidle , the

only favourite among the four actors,to appear

in front of the curtain. He did so,and , with a

smiling face,he thanked the audience for their

kind patronage,and apologised at the same time

for the few mishaps that had occurred during theperformance. But, in spite of that, he said , allthe actors were in good humour, and theyintended to spend the rest of the eveningpleasantly in the little house of old Isaac

,which T

was adjacent to the inner wall of the cemetery.

There,he hoped

,they would not be disturbed in

their merry-making in the night of Purim,that

comes but once in the year.

118 HEBREW SATIRE

LOST AND FOUND.

YANKE was a dark-haired l ittle man , who livedas an elderly bachelor in the Ghetto of a smallRussian town

,where he made a scanty living

by mending old clothes. Among his regularcustomers were several poor students of Jewishtheology

,with whom he was a great favourite.

For,though poor himself

,he not only never

pressed them to settle their accounts,but even

went so far as to advance them,without security

,

small sums of money, whenever they were hardup, and he was able to do so.

These students had regularly once a year,on

Purim night,a convivial gathering in the Beth

Hamidrash, to which, as a mark of gratitude,Yanke was invited . On these festive occasionshe took part in their singing of Hebrew melodies

,

and proved himself the possessor of an extremelypleasant voice. Some of his auditors evenremarked that, if he ever had the chance ofconducting the service in the synagogue

,he

would certainly delight the congregants by hisperformance. Curiously enough, he got thechance soon after. For it so happened that thewarden of the synagogue heard of Y anke ’

s talent,

and asked him to ofliciate one Sabbath morning,

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120 HEBREW SATIRE

in the house of his host, he presented a mostgrotesque figure The latter received him kindlyenough

,but Tamar could hardly suppress a titter.

This did not escape Y anke ’s notice, and it de

prived him of his courage to enter into conversation with her. He

,therefore, cut his visit short,

and went home very despondent. Soon after,he made up his mind to leave the place altogether,and to emigrate to the New World.

On his arrival in New York he passed bychance a tailor’s shop

,the owner of which

happened to be a townsman of his, who, severalyears before, had emigrated to America to tryhis luck there , and had been, indeed, most successful in the tailoring business. He receivedYanke most warmly

,and at once gave him some

employment in his shop, and likewise affordedhim every facility to become an expert in theart of fashionable tailoring. Thus

,in twelve

months’ time, he was able to put by a smallsum of money, and also to make for himself anew suit of clothes that was quite faultless in theway of shape and cut. But during these twelvemonths Yanke never ceased thinking of Tamar

,

who was sti ll the queen of his heart. She wasespecially in his mind on the anniversary of hisdeparture from his native town . That nighthe had a most pleasant dream. He dreamt he

HEBREW SATIRE 121

was again in the beadle’s house,clad in his new

and fashionable attire , which won many glancesfrom Tamar’s beautiful eyes. He also fanciedhe heard her musical voice

,expressing her

admiration for the fine way in which he hadconducted the service in the synagogue to thegreat satisfaction of al l the members of thecommunity. Finally, he imagined he felt theelectrifying pressure of Tamar

’s tiny hand,in

dicating thereby her hidden love for him. Indeed ,this delightful dream made him

,for once

,most

happyWhen he awoke on the following morning he

found a letter on his table. I t was from one of thetheological students whose clothes he often usedto mend

,and who was his most constant borrower.

I t said that the old precentor of the synagoguewas dead, and that he was nominated by thewarden as . the most suitable successor. Al lhis colleagues looked forward with pleasure tohis return

,and a warm welcome awaited him

from the beadle of the synagogue. It is needlessto say that Yanke was delighted with the un

expected news,and that, in a short time, he

was home again,full of hope that his delightful

dream might becom e an even more delightful

fact.This was really the case. For when he again

122 HEBREW SATIRE

supped with the beadle,he found Tamar not only

more beautiful than ever before, but also mostamiable and attentive to him. He proposed andwas accepted Among the invited guests to thewedding dinner were all the students of Jew ishtheology

, who rejoiced at seeing theirf orm ergreatbenefactor sitting with a radiant face near hisbeautiful bride. Yanke continued to advancethem money

,without security

,whenever they

were in need of it.

THE SONG OF SONGS .

SHMAYEH was a Russian emigrant who, havingsettled with his family in the East of London ,earned a scanty livelihood by sell ing variouscheap articles at the street corners . He was

assisted therein by his only son Leizer, a tall,intelligent youth, whose education , however, hadbeen sadly neglected .

On the eve of the Sabbath, as soon as supperwas over, Shmayeh habitually asked Leizer toread him “The Song of Songs ” in the originalHebrew from the old and well-fingered prayerbook, his only heirloom . Whenever Leizer readthis beautiful lyrical song, he did so mechanically,for the simple reason that he did not understand

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124 HEBREW SATIRE

maiden. Then , closing the prayer-book, heretired to rest

,and in his dreams he fancied the

fair one of “The Song of Songs was leaningover him

,whispering in his ears Let him kiss

me with the kisses of his mouth, for thy love is

better than Wine.”

On the following morning, Leizer went, asusual, to synagogue, and took his new prayer-bookwith him . There he again read the Englishtranslation of The Song of Songs

,

” and when hecame to the verse

Behold, thou art fair, my precious loveThine eye s are like the eyes ofa dove ,

he chanced to look up at the ladies’ gallery, andmet a pair of beautiful smiling eyes that belonged,as he subsequently learnt

,to Tirza

,the youngest

and charming daughter of the warden of thesynagogue. During the rest of the service hefurtively looked up again and again to the warden’sdaughter, who seemed to him to be the very imageof his imaginary maiden. By this time, he washead over ears in love with her, but, poor boy,how could he expect ever to win her affection, aslong as he was no more than a humble assistantto his father in his business. He decided

,there

fore,to start at once for South Africa

,where

several other young men of his acquaintances hadgone and made their fortune.

HEBREW SATIRE 125

Leizer arrived in South Africa, Where he soonembarked in mining operations. For some timehe could do no more than make a bare living, butamidst all his toils and troubles he never neglectedto attend synagogue every Saturday. morning,where he always read The Song of Songs,

”

which vividly recalled to his memory lovely Tirza,being thousands of miles away.

_ _

At last,Fortune

smiled upon him,for be , one day, bought a piece

of ground which turned out to contain a largequantity of pure gold. In a comparatively shorttime he became a rich man, and was presentlyelected warden of the synagogue.One Sabbath morning, while reading in his

customary way The Song of Songs,” and coming

to his favourite verse“Behold, thou art fair, my precious love ,Thine eye s are like the eyes of a dove,”

he suddenly saw Tirza looking down to him fromthe ladies’ gallery. After service

,her father shook

hands with him , and also invited him to dine withhim in his hotel

,telling him at the same time

that he and his daughter were on a short visit tosome relatives there.Needless to say that Leizer was punctual at

the hotel at dinner time, and that he looked hisbest, when he was introduced to Tirza. Afterdinner

,when he was alone with her for a little

126 HEBREW SATIRE

while,he told her that he was very fond of

reading “The Song of Songs,” and that he

specially liked the couplet

Behold, thou art fair, my precious love ,Thine eye s are like the eye s of a clove .

”

Thereupon Tirza blushed deeply, and acknowledged that she

,too

,often read it, and what she

liked best was “Let him kiss me with the kissesof his mouth

,for thy love is better than wine.”

On the following Saturday morning, an officialannounced in the synagogue that the wardenwas shortly to marry Tirza, the daughter ofanother warden

,Who was temporarily staying in

the same town. As Leizer was,owing to his

many charitable deeds,a great favourite in the

community,this announcement gave much pleasure

and satisfaction to all present. At the weddingceremony

,the officiating Rabbi delivered an

address, taking for his text a verse found in“ The

Song of Songs l am my beloved’s, and mybeloved is mine.

POVERTY AND WEALTH .

SHMULKE was one of a l ittle group of Jewishtheological students who regularly attended theTalmudical classes conducted by a Rabbi of a

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128 HEBREW SATIRE

fancied , he had discovered certain words andexpressions which indicated the certain appearance of the Redeemer within his own time.What wonder

,then, that the sceptics in the

community regarded him as a harmless lunatic.But Shmulke was not altogether mad , for

there was some reason in his madness. Withthe arrival of the Redeemer

,he thought, his own

prospects would at once improve. The study ofHebrew

,which was the national language of the

Jewish race, and of which he was master, wouldthen become more popular, and he would thusobtain an increase in the number of his privatepupils. Nay, , he even hoped that some day hemight be appointed Professor of Hebrew at oneof the universities which

,on the Redeemer's

suggestion, would be founded in Palestine, theregenerated Jewish State. Thus established , hewould be able to realise his long cherished hope,namely

,to propose to, and be accepted by

Penina, the beautiful and accomplished daughterof his teacher, the Rabbi.While many of the Ghetto people characterised

his constant talk about the approaching advent ofthe Redeemer as idiotic, the Rabbi listened toit with great interest and delight. For he, too,expected that the coming of the Redeemer wouldeffect a vast improvement in his domestic affairs.

HEBREW .SATIRE 129

He , poor man, though he had been a great manyyears in office, received such a small stipendfrom his congregation that he could hardly makeboth ends meet. Fortunately for him he was

of a sweet temperament, and possessed also asense of humour, so that he looked upon hisimpoverished condition as a sure indication thatbe tter things were in store for him, if not onearth, then in heaven.

He was once asked by the President of hiscongregation what ordinance of the Jewish lawhe considered to be the best. His reply was thathe found the institution of several fas t- days in theyear most practical forhimself, as their observanceprevented him and his wife from running intodebt. On another occasion , a well- to-do memberof his flock asked him to dine with him. TheRabbi sent word to him to say that he would doso with pleasure, provided that his wife hadfinished mending his only decent coat. In hissermons

,too

,he sometimes referred cunningly to

his lack of money, and once he ridiculed thehabit of some members of his flock who frequent lysent alms to poor Jews in Jerusalem, whileomitting to assist their own poor, to whom , un

happily, he himself belonged. But all thesehints were l ike voices raised in the wilderness

,

for they had no effect, and his stipend con

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tinned to be as small and unsatisfactory asbefore.The Rabbi would certainly have borne his lot

patiently,had he not been so anxious about the

future of his only daughter. He wanted her tobe settled in life

,but failed to see the possibility

of her ever getting married,unless he could give

her a dowry and the necessary outfit. Onemorning

, Shmulke rushed into the Rabbi’s study,

and told him in a few hasty words that, whilereading the Book of Daniel the previous night,he had found '

som e words which surely indicatedthe Redeemer’s appearance in their midst withinthe next few days. But the Rabbi sm iled , andsaid that his visitor’s hope had , in some sense ,been realised already. He showed him a letterhe had just received from a firm of Americansolicitors

,which said that Shmulke ’s uncle had

recently died in California,leaving a large sum of

money,which

,according to his will

,was to be

divided between his only nephew and his teacher,the Rabbi.While they were cordially shaking hands

,the

Rabbi’s Wife entered the study,and informed her

husband that he, Penina, and herself had just beeninvited to a wedding dinner. She likewise toldhim that he ought not to decline the invitation

,

as she had finished the patchwork “ on his coat

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132 HEBREW SATIRE

Burial Society. They obtained their respectivepositions, not only because they were well- to-doand charitable people, but also because they led ,or pretended to lead

,a strictly religious life.

They certainly did not get any direct paymentfor their services, but indirectly they derived somemoral and pecuniary advantages from the poststhey held. In the first place, they were lookedup to by the Ghetto people as men of importance,considering that they, together with the Rabbi,acted as their spiritual leaders. And, then, someindividuals entrusted them with their savings

,

which they were able to employ profitably intheir own business.As the Rabbi had neither time nor inclination

personally to look after the religious welfare ofthe community, his duties were performed by thePresident and the Chairman of the Burial Society.

Thus, if any poor inhabitant of the Ghetto wasreported to have transgressed any usages of thesynagogue, they put a black mark against hisname in the archives of the community

,which

disentitled him from claiming or receiving anyassistance from the poor box, unless he promisedfuture amendment in his religious Observances .Once it so happened that, during one of the

most severe winter months,a light epidemic broke

out among the infantile population. At first no

HEBREW SATIRE 133

particular notice was taken of it by the leaders ofthe community, but when they heard that theRabbi’s twins and the beadle’s triplets were alsoill , they thought it was time to act. Accordingly

,

after consultation with the Rabbi, they decidedthat the following day should be observed as a

fast by all the members of the community, andthat

,up to midday, prayers should be offered in

the synagogue , which might help to restore thepoor suffering infants to their usual health.

In the afternoon of the following day,when all

the shops of the Ghetto were closed in conse

quence of the fast, and their owners were seenoutside haggard and pale

,Reb Terach went to

see the President, with whom he wanted toconfer on some urgent communal business. Onarriving at the house, he was told by the servantthat her master was in his study. ThereuponReb Terach went up, and after having gentlyknocked at the door, he entered the study. But

10 ! and behold , the Chairman was sitting in acomfortable arm- chair

,indulging in some light

refreshments in the shape of wine and cakes.Reb Terach was horrified at this unexpectedsight

,for he would never have thought it possible

that the very man who had imposed a fast ona multitude of people should himself break it

so shamelessly in secret. Presently Reb Zerach

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sprang up from his seat, and considering for amoment the moral ruin that would fall upon himif his visitor were to disclose his hypocrisy to theneighbours

,he rushed to the door, locked it and

put the key into his pocket. He then imperative ly insisted on his colleague also taking somerefreshments. At first

,Reb Terach refused to

touch anything,and looked rather glum , but

gradually he began to grin , and finally emptieda large glass of wine

,which he declared to be

most ex cellent, and especially acceptable on along fast-day.

Some time after,these two spiritual leaders

of the community were informed that oneSabbath morning

,before the service had began in

the synagogue,the burning oi l lamp that hung in

front of the Ark had fallen down , and furtherthat, when the oil caught fire

,the Kosher ”

butcher rushed forward and put it out with histhick boots. This act

,the informer thought

,was

an open desecration of the Sabbath, the perpetrator of which ought to be severely punished.

Thereupon Reb Terach at once suggested tohis colleague that the butcher’s l icence to sel lKosher meat should be cancelled , and that theusual black mark should be put against his name.The President, on the other hand , was of theopinion that the butcher deserved the thanks of

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136 HEBREW SATIRE

ting the sin of lighting or extinguishing any fireon the sacred Sabbath day.

Now,it so happened that on the same after

noon Reb Zerach went to pay a Visit to hiscol league

,and on opening the door of his study,

he was both astonished and amused to see himwith a burning match in his hand

,in the very act

of lighting a cigar ! Reb Terach was terrorstricken when he saw who his visitor w as . A

moment after,remembering what had recently

happened in the President’s house in connectionwith the fast-day , be locked the door, andpocketed the key . He then insisted on hiscolleague smoking also one of his cigars, bywhich act

,he said

,he would be prevented from

de nouncing him as a sham and hypocrite. ThePresident laughed good-humouredly, and askedthe favour to be allowed to smoke his own cigar,which he had with him . I t was

,he said

,of a

particular brand,which he preferred to any

other one.

TWO GHETTO ID IOTS .

IN the Ghetto, persons are sometimes to befound who, from peculiarities in their walk, ortalk, or manners, are good-humouredly dubbed by

HEBREW SATIRE 137

their neighbours the idiots. To this class ofidiots belonged the twin-brothers, Sim cha andSuson , who were old bachelors, and were oftento be seen walking and talking loudly together.S imeba had a squint in one of his eyes

,and

seemed to have a perpetual smile on his face,

while his brother wore a pair of large bluespectacles, through which he looked upon hissurroundings with the glance of a laughingphilosopher. In early youth they had becomeorphans, and what they chiefly inherited fromtheir father were a few old prayer-books and afair number of unpaid bills. But it was a pieceof good luck to them that, shortly after the deathof their parents

,a childless relative died also

,

leaving them a legacy that insured them a smallincome for life.As they had nothing particular to do, they spent

the greater part of the day in the Town Library,and while Simcha chiefly read theological books,his brother was very fond of works on ethics andphilosophy. While walking homewards throughthe narrow streets of the Ghetto, they alwaysloudly discussed What they had just been reading.

S imeba spoke of religions generally, comparingthem with his own, and his brother mentionedWhat he had jotted down regarding the influenceexercised on modern Judaism by Kant’s philosophy

138 HEBREW SATIRE

The urchins of the Ghetto used to greet theirappearance with Cries of Here come the idiotsBut, as a matter of fact, Sim cha and Suson

were by no means idiots, for, apart from theireccentricities

,they were men of sound sense. As

such they would sometimes attend communalmeetings

,and would criticise good -hum ouredly

such resolutions as appeared to them open toobjection. So

,for instance, it once happened that

the man who blew the Snopkar in the synagogueon New Year’s Day lost his breath, and was thusunable to complete the hundred blasts enjoinedby Rabbinical law . In consequence of this, ameeting was held

,at which the Chairman proposed

that the official in question should be suspended.

But Sim cha said that, in his opinion , no blameought to be attached to him for his inability tocarry out so difficult a task

,which

,moreover was

only a ridiculous old custom . The Chairman ,however, characterised Simcha

’

s remark as mostidiotic, and so the resolution passed ultimatelywith common consent.On another occasion , Suson attended a meeting

to collect funds for the marriage of two poor andsomewhat deformed orphans. His view was thatthe marriage could not but plunge them into theabyss of a l ife- long poverty and misery. But,

after the Chairman had asked the speaker to stop

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140 HEBREW SATIRE

Library were now forbidden by their wives, gave upreading theology and Kant. But What they lostin one way they won in another. For they wereno longer greeted by the Ghetto urchins with theold cry of Here come the idiots.”

THE REBBE’S P IPE .

CHONE had a draper’s shop in a Russian hamlet,where there was a small orthodox Jewish community. Thanks to his industry and honesty, hisbusiness grew and yielded him a respectableincome. As he was religiously inclined and of acharitable disposition

,he was elected warden of

the synagogue,of which mark of esteem and

confidence he was justly proud. He had thusevery reason to be happy and to be satisfied withhis lot on earth, and yet there was one reasonwhy his equanimity was sometimes disturbed.

He had an only grown -up daughter of so unattractive an appearance that the only chance of hergetting married was a large com pensatory dowry.

To procure this he would have been obliged tosell at a loss the greater part of the goods

,and

this,he thought, would mean ruin to his business .One day

,on discussing the matter with Todres,

one of his old customers, who happened to be the

HEBREW SATIRE 141

devotee of a famous neighbouring Rebbe,Chone

was strongly advised to go and see the latter,

This holy man, he said, would for a small fee offerprayers on behalf of the girl, and would alsobe stow upon her his divine blessings

,which would

no doubt help her to find a husband without alarge dowry be ing given to her. Chone foundthis sugges tion most practical , and accordinglywent to see the Rebbe.” On his arrival

,he was

told by an attendant that that day was theRebbe’s ” smoking day, when he always had apleasant chat with the angel Gabriel, and on suchdays the Rebbe could only receive visitors onpayment of an extra large fee. As Chone wasanx ious to return home to his business as quicklyas possible, he paid the money, and was thenadmitted to the room , where the Rebbe ” wassitting in a comfortable arm - chair, smoking a longpipe. After having explained the object of hisvisit, he was told by the “Rebbe ” that he mustcome again , and bring his daughter with him ,

ashe could only pronounce his blessings on her whileshe was present.Some days after, Chone brought his daughter

to the Rebbe’s home, but, to his great dismay,he was again told at the door that it was theRebbe’s smoking day, and that he would thushave to pay, as before, an extra large fee. As

142 HEBREW SATIRE

there was no way out of it, Chone did as he wasbidden

,and then brought his daughter into the

Rebbe’s " presence. Without looking at her hebestowed a blessing on her, but presently hefurtively glanced at her face, and at once declaredit to be so ugly that his blessings would have tobe repeated later on, in order to be e ffective. Hetherefore asked Chone to visit him again with hisdaughter in about a week’s time, when he would fixthe day for another and final V isit.With a heavy heart Chone returned home

,

Where he found his wife bathed in tears. Shetold him that during the night burglars hadentered the shop, who carried off not only a largequantity of goods

,but also the cash-box with

all its contents. This sad news distressed himgreatly, particularly as he remembered the nextvisit to the Rebbe, which, he was afraid, wouldagain happen to be on one of his smoking days.However, a happy thought struck him. Next dayhe drove to the Rebbe’s ” house

,and on the

pretence that he had to tell him something ofgreat importance, he was admitted into hispresence, without being obliged to pay any fee atall. He then told the Rebbe of his seriousmishap, and said he would be a ruined man if theRebbe refused

“

to grant him a small request.He wanted a present of one of his old

,long pipes.

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144 HEBREW SATIRE

and called respectively Lazyer and Payzer. Intheir younger days they acquired some knowledgeof Hebrew and Talmudical lore, but failed tolearn any trade or profession, by which theywould have gained a livel ihood. I t was thereforevery fortunate for them that the respective postsof librarian and beadle of the “Beth-Hamidrash

became vacant,and that they were successful in

getting the appointments. Layzer was electedlibrarian

,and Payzer beadle of this house o f

prayers and learning , and their posts carried withthem free residence and some occasional per

quisites , which were suffi cient to free them fromworldly cares. Therefore, when late at nightthey retired to rest, after the doors of the BethHamidrash had been closed to visitors, they slepton the hard benches more soundly and morepeacefully than the i r great ruler, the Emperor ofRussia

,ever did on his luxurious couch.

Much of their leisure time was devoted to thestudy of the books found on the shelves of theLibrary. While the beadle was very fond ofHebrew grammars

,the librarian had a predilec

tion for those books that treated of symbolism andmysticism in the Jewish religion. Of course

,they

sometimes discussed the merits of the bookswhich they had been reading, and on one occasionthe beadle remarked to his friend that

,in his

HEBREW SATIRE 145

opinion , there was nothing more grand and moreinteresting in the whole domain of Hebrewliterature than the three tenses of the Hebrewverb, namely, the past , the present, and the future.

The past tense, he said, represented the pasthistory of the world, including all the happy eventsthat had taken place

,from the days when Adam

and Eve lived in the lovely Paradise,down to

their own time. The present tense,he further

remarked, referred certainly to one day only,which they spent happily Within the walls of theBeth-Hamidrash, but how grand and sublime wasthe future tense ! I t might

,perhaps , have in

store for them a succession of even happier daysthan they enjoyed

,if they each found a wife with

a small deposit in the Savings Bank !Payzer l istened silently and attentively to his

friend’s remarks, and said that he certainly ap

preciated the bright prospects held out to themby the future tense of the Hebrew verb. Yet,for all that, he preferred books of symbolism andmysticism.

“Look here, he said to the beadlewith some animation ,

“ these are subjects whichcannot but enhance our very life and existence.Take, for instance, the grand symbol embodiedin the religious custom that is well known underthe name of “Tashlich. On every New Year’sDay we go to the river, shake our garments, and

K

146 HEBREW SATIRE

thus get rid of all the crumbs contained in ourpockets. By this easy and simple process w e are atonce cleared of all the sins that we may have com

mitted during the whole past year, and we thusbaffle Satan and his whole retinue of evil spirits,that are all

,intent on injuring us by bringing up

on the Day of Judgment all our transgressions ofthe past year. Now , were it not for the institution of Tashlich,

” we would not be alive at thismoment to enjoy the pleasant prospects that thefuture tense of the Hebrew verse opens to us.This conversation took place on the morning

that preceded the Jewish festival,called “The

Rejoicing of the Law.

” During the afternoon,

the cook of the Rabbi , whose house was adjacentto the Beth-Hamidrash

,put through the open

window two large and newly baked cakes,with

two slips of paper attached, stating that theywere presents to the librarian and the beadle.Finding them delicious, they consumed themcompletely along with their evening meal.Soon after, they retired to rest , but for some

reason or other could not sleep. Presently,the

beadle asked his neighbour whether he couldkeep a secret On receiving an aflirmative

answer, he said his secret was that he was

shortly going to marry the Rabbi’s cook,and

gave the following particulars

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148 HEBREW SATIRE

kitchen about his love of mystical and symbolicalbooks

,at which she always sneered . With a

heavy and sad heart,he congratulated the beadle

on his good luck,but declined his invitation to

the wedding dinner, on the plea that he hadalready accepted a previous engagement.

THE GHETTO MARRIAGE-BROKER.

THERE is an old Jewish proverb which says thatal l Jewish marriages are made in heaven

,but

,as

a matter of fact, this i s by no means the case.They are frequently arranged on the terrestrialglobe, and more especial ly so within the precinctsof the Ghetto

,wherever it is stil l in existence.

The chief factor in these matrimonial arrangementsis the marriage- broker, who is commonly calledin Hebrew phraseology, “ Shadchan .

” He is,as

a rule,a sharp-witted fellow,

who possesses apeculiar power of persuasion , together with akeen sense of humour. By dint of these raregifts

,he sometimes succeeds in effecting marriages

even among those who have already renouncedthe hope of ever enjoying the blessings of amarried state.Mendele, a little man with a big head and

small laughing eyes, was a typical marriage

HEBREW SATIRE 149

broker. Having practised his vocation for agreat many years, his health ultimately brokedown , and , in consequence, he retired into privatelife, living modestly on his small savings. Likeso many of the fraternity, he was of a humoroustemperament

,and thus found pleasure in some

times setting down in jargon the records of someof his diverting professional reminiscences. Atthe time when he gave up his calling

,they formed

a bulky MS .,which he carefully preserved

,think

ing that it might perhaps later on be of some useto him .

‘

That this was really the case will beseen from the following incide nt.Mendele had an only unmarried daughter, who

was somewhat like himself, short of stature, andby no means attractive. She, poor thing, hadalready resigned herself to remaining a spinsterall her life

,especially as she was aware of her

father’s inabil ity to give her a dowry which mightperhaps have tempted an impecunious candidatefor marriage to ask for her hand . But muchmore hopeful in this respect was Mendele, thematrimonial expert. Thus , on his retiring fromhis profession

,he began to think seriously of his

daughter’s unmarried state, and of the best meansof changing it.One day, the idea struck him that Yoike lé, the

Ghetto poet and wit, who had recently lost his

150 HEBREW SATIRE

wife,might possibly be induced to become his

son - in- law. He had , in reality, no professionwhatever to boast of

,but he earned a scanty

living by singing humorous songs of his owncomposition at festivals

,and more especially at

wedding dinners that frequently took place inthe Ghetto. He

,Mendele thought, would be

the very man for a marriage - broker,the more

so, if he were to have the advantage of havinghimself as a constant guide and adviser. Nay,he was even prepared to part with his belovedMS . and to give it to Y oike lé, or rather . to hisdaughter, as a dowry on the day that he marriedher.

So, one day, Y oike lé was invited to spend anevening in Mende lé

’

s little flat,and

,on his arrival

,

found a sumptuous supper placed on the tab le,to which he did full j ustice. He especial lypraised the savoury and tasteful cakes

,and

when he was told by his host that they wereall made and baked by his daughter’s ownhands, he said in B iblical phrase ! “ Beholdfrom the sweet there cometh sweetness. Thisnice little compliment paid by Y oike lé to thedaughter of the house offered her father a goodopportunity to speak to him on the subject inwhich he was so greatly concerned. Thus

,as

soon as Mendele and his guest were alone,he

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152 HEBREW SATIRE

dowry,which was to be handed over to him

on the morning of the wedding day. Mr Isaacsagreed to do so, especially when I told himthat his intended son-in- law was a clever businessman

,and would

,one day, most probably become

one of the merchant princes in the land .

Thereupon all the preparations for the forthcoming wedding were duly made

,and when

everything Was ready,we

,the invited guests,

went to the synagogue to be present at themarriage ceremony . There we waited andwaited for some time

,but the bridegroom failed

to make his appearance. I,therefore

,rushed

to his apartments , and found him sitting leisurelyin an arm - chair, smoking his pipe. He toldme that he did not intend to go to the wedding

,

as Mr Isaacs offered to pay him only the half ofthe promised dowry in cash

,and to give him

a note of hand for the balance,which was hardly

good enough for acceptance. In the end,he

accepted m e as security for the remaininghundred florins

, and followed me to thesynagogue, where the marriage ceremony was

duly solemnised . As the bridegroom was lateron very successful in business

,he has never

asked me to pay him my debt. Nay,he even

sends me sometimes a small present as a tokenof his remembering the good se rvices which I

HEBREW SATIRE 153

have done to him in connection with hisengagement and marriage.”

Yoike lé listened to the narrative with deepinterest, and expressed his admiration for thegreat cleverness and tact of his host. Hisdecision in his own case was then brief and tothe purpose. Y oikelé i s wil ling

,

” he said, witha grin. Thereupon Mendele called in hisdaughter, and presented to her her futurehusband .

WANDERING JEWISH PREACHERS.

IN Russia and elsewhere there used to be, andstil l are

,certain Jewish preachers

,representing a

special type of the fraternity, who are commonlyknown by the name of Maggidim .

” They aregenerally not attached to any particular synagogue,but wander from town to town, preaching invarious places of worship, and gain a scantylivelihood from fees they get for their services.Some of them are not without a vein of genuinewit

,which gives a touch of brightness to their

sermons. Jacob of Dubno, for instance, wholived in the latter part of the eighteenth century,while on his travels was once invited to preachin a synagogue

,the members of which were noted

154 HEBREW SATIRE

for the radical views they held on religiousmatters. He had thus a most difficult taskbefore him

,but he accomplished it satisfactorily

by using the following appropriate parableAn inspector of mines, he said , once paid a

flying visit to a mine, in order to report to theowners on the condition of the men employedon smelting work. He soon noticed that manyof them looked pale and sickly, and asking thereason

,he was told that it was due to their

having to use their months in order to blow upthe fire. “Wel l

,

”said the ‘ inspector

,

“ this evilcould easily be removed . I will send you aninstrument, called the bellows, which keeps thefire alive by its draught, and wil l relieve you ofmuch superfluous labour.After a time

,the inspector again visited the

mine, and was not a little surprised to find noimprovement in the looks of the workmen.

Having ascertained that the bellows had dulyarrived

,the inspector went to the furnace

,and

found that it was not alight,although the fuel

was there. Thereupon he told the men that theywere the most silly people he ever met with, sincethey had omitted to kindle the fire at all , whichthe bellows would otherwise have kept burning.

Now,my brethren ,

” said the preacher,with a

cunning smile,

“ the meaning of my parable will

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156 HEBREW SATIRE

the pedlar said,by way of explanation, that he

did not like to abuse his great kindness byadding to the waggon the heavy weight of his

pack.

“His folly,my brethren, said the preacher,

is somewhat similar to your own. The load ofyour every-day troubles and cares is quite heavyenough

,and why do you make it heavier still by

your worrying over the future ! P lease rememberalways the hopeful and encouraging words of thePsalmist

,Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and

He wil l sustain thee.’

HEBREW EP IGRAMS .

LIGHT satire is also frequently met with in theHebrew epigram, which forms an important partof neo-Hebrew literature. The authors thereofseek their inspiration from all sources. The poet,the judge , the miser, the doctor, the parson, thecantankerous wom an—all come within their ken .

There are excellent Hebrew epigrams extant,which have been composed by writers living inthe middle ages, such as Jehuda Halevi, Ibn Ezra,Alcharizi,Palquera, Immanuel di Roma, and others,but their number is rather small. Much more

HEBREW SATIRE 157

numerous , however, are the Hebrew epigrams,whose writers have flourished in the eighteenthand nineteenth centuries, and which, in point ofsatire

,deserve special attention. Several specimens

of such epigrams will be quoted here in an Englishtranslation, which may be sufficient to give thereader an approximate idea of their form andcontents. Though the version is in no senseliteral, it generally represents the ideas of theauthors quite accurately.

THE F IRST GRAY HAIR.

BY JEHUDA HALEVI ( 1 1 10

ONE day I saw a gray hair in my headI plucked it out when thus to me it saidThink

,if thou wilt, that thou art rid of me ,

I’ve twenty friends who soon will mock at thee.

THE REASON .

BY IBN EZRA ( 1088

H e. Why, Miranda, tel l me why,When to me thou’rt talking ,Thou dost watch with pensive sighYoung Adonis walking

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She. Thou hast taught me , that is whyOft I have espied theeGlance at m e with furtive eye

,

When my aunt’s beside me.”

THE COLOUR OF MOURN ING.

BY JEHUDA ALCHAR IZI

YES,white is the colour of mourning

’Tis Nature’s design , of a truth !My black hair turned white

,when I started

Lamenting the flight of my youth.

THE SONG OF THE PEN .

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

MY Muse, though airy, glides softly along,S inging full oft a voiceless songMy pen , though frail and slim of figure,Has a serpent’s tooth and a lion’s vigour.

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160 HEBREW SATIRE

THE GOURMAND AND LATE RISER .

BY M. SCHLESINGER

MY piteous plight oft makes m e weepI cannot eat when I am asleep.

TO A SCRIBBLER.

BY Y EITELES ( 1 7 6 3- 1 8 1

YOUR book,how tragically you said

Hath made you patient vigils keepBe comforted, for when I read it,I t lulled me peacefully to sleep.

THE GRAVE -D IGGER’S WILL.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

To Doctor Pill I am so beholden ,Him dearest of dear friends I callI leave him fifty sovereigns golden

,

For ’tis to him I owe them all.

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EPITAPH FOR A HEN - PECKEDHUSBAND.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

AT last I can rest ! I am freeFrom the tongue of my termagant wife

,

But I fear very much what will be,

When we’re both resurrected to life.

EP ITAPH FOR A JUDGE.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR .

HERE l ies Judge A he’s done with legal tortAnd sleeps as soundly as he did in Court.

THE REASON WHY.

BY M . MANDELKERN ( 1 863

THE Doctors talk Latin,’tis said ,

When they meet in the sick room , Oh why !

They think that a language that’s deadSuits the man who is going to die.

162

A .

B .

HEBREW SATIRE

A HUSBAND’S COMPLAINT.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

BY heaven’s favour, I possessTwo treasures dearer far than goldA wife and cellar I confessThe wine is young, the woman

’s old .

And nought could now my joy enhanceThe crowd of mortal men among,Unless it happened that, perchance ,The wine were old , the woman young.

AN IMAG INARY CONVERSAT ION.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

HOW passing strange it is of late,The deaths have numbered almost nil.’Tis not so startling, when I state,That Doctor Fell himself is ill.

A DREADFUL GRIEF.

BY THE SAME AUTHOR.

A . MY house was burgled yester night.B . My poor friend, what dreadful grief !A . The rascal stole my choicest verse.B . Why, then, I

’m sorry for the thief.

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164 HEBREW SATIRE

THE D I SCONSOLATE WIFE .

BY B . SCHWARZFELD .

A COUPLE, John and Jeannie, passedTheir lives in constant disputation

,

But, when he died , her tears flowed fast,

And she refused all consolation.

Her friends said,with the death of John

,

She found her occupation gone.

THE PRIEST’S WILL.

BY AN ANONYMOUS WRITER.

WEALTHY priest once made his will,

But naught he left his kith and kin,

Yet to the village simpletonsHe gave his wealth to revel in.

How strange,” remarked a trusted friend

,

The way you manage your affairs.Why so ! through them I won my wealth

,

So they deserve to be my heirs."

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BALDNESS.

BY AN ANONYMOUS WR1TER.

BE wise, my friend, and do not sighThat baldness early decks you ,Remember, as the years go by,Your gray hairs cannot vex you.

A most prolific writer of Hebrew epigrams wasBen-Jacob, who lived at Wilna, Russia, between1 8 1 1 and 1 863. In 1 842 he published acollection of Hebrew epigrams and songs, underthe title of Epigramm ata ac poemata varia,

”

the former of which are mostly original and veryinteresting. Several specimens in a free Englishtranslation wi ll follow here.

THE SCRIBBLER.

ZIMRON, poet, makes his willOrders with his latest breathThat the offspring of his quillShall be published after death.A gloomy prospe ct ’tis for all, we say.

We hope he’ll l ive for ever and a day.

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TO ANOTHER VERSIF IER.

’T IS cruel that critics should love to belabourOur plagiarist poet with stock and with stone,For

,if he has borrowed the thoughts of hisneighbour,

’Tis harsh to assume that his faults are his own.

THE DEPARTED PHYSIC IAN .

OUR doctor is dead ah well , dry your tearsDeath’s sad , but what use to resent itFor, if he had lived for another few years,There’d be none of us here to lament it.

YOUTH AND OLD AGE .

I ONCE was young, and now I’m old,

But both my youth and eld displeaseFor soon the one escaped my hold

,

Too soon the other came to seize me,

STRANGE MATRIMONY.

MY friend of twenty summers takes to brideA maid of four score years of proud endeavour.Some difference in their age may be descried

,

In their stupendous folly none whatever.

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168 HEBREW SATIRE

THE GOLDEN LOCKS .

MIRANDA,so her friends make moan,

Her golden locks with dye does foster !Believe it not they are her own,And many a golden sovereign cost her.

DR P ILL.

ONCE,when I was very ill ,

I called in famous Doctor P ill !He cured me

,true I saw his bill

And find myself a sick man still.

THE TOPER TO THE MOON .

WHY so disdainful ! I’ve far better causeTo be proud of myself

,it i s clear !

Thou showest thy full face but once in a month,

While mine is ablaze all the year.

THE WINE CUP.

I AM fond of the wine cup, for when I am well,I t makes all my happiness double

,

And whenever sadness casts o’er me its spell,

I t helps to get rid of the trouble.

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THE IND IGENT POET.

OUR starveling poet cries aloudThe world’s the place of God

,

Put off your shoes —and so he’s proudTo roam the world unshod.

ON A M INOR POET.

H IS verse is of excellent credit,The rhymes and metre enthrall ,But you wil l see that, when once you have read it,I t wasn’t worth reading at all.

FRIENDSH I P .

DO not regard as friends of thineMen who but love thee for thy wine,And who wil l utterly ignoreThe man who cannot treat them more.

BOAST ING.

To boast of your knowledge and learningAmongst the foolish

,accounts you a boor

’Tis just like the prosperous upstartWho brags of his wealth to the poor.

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WISE PEOPLE.

THINK not that those are purely sagesWhose beard and paunch are large of size,Or else the goats through all the agesMust

,too

,be classed among the wise.

EP ITAPH .

WEBI—jye not for Mary Anne ,She sleepeth now at rest,Free from labour’s heavy ban

,

From mistress’s behest.E’en from reading prayers she's freedThe poor girl never learned to read .

THE DEVOTED LOVER.

WHO kneels before his lady fair,And begs her love in humble mode,I s l ike the camel on his knees

,

Eager to hear his master’s load.

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172 HEBREW SATIRE

The following few Specimens will give the

reader some notion of the character of Hebrew

fables of various ages.

THE SP IDER AND THE BEE.

A RABBIN ICAL FABLE.

A SPIDER and a bee were once discussing whichof the two produced more useful things. You,said the spider

,certainly produce honey, but you

get it only from outside by culling it from variousflowers in the fields and gardens. But the threadswhich I produce, I spin from my own body, andthus the sources which I use are within me.True,

” said the bee, but your threads are notonly useless, but .also so disagreeable that theyare often destroyed. The sweet stuff

,however,

which I supply are greatly appreciated,and I am ,

in consequence, frequently praised in verse andprose.”

Introduce to thy neighbours only that which ispleasant and useful , though it may not be of thyown creation .

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THE L ION AND THE FOX .

A RABBIN ICAL FABLE.

ONE day, the king of the be asts went on avoyage , and was attended, among other animals,by the fox. On their arrival in port

,an ass

,who

held the offi ce of tax collector,demanded the

usual toll. Being reproved by the fox for askingtoll of a king, the ass said that he returned it tohis treasurer.With this foolish excuse the lion was greatly

displeased, and in order to punish the ass, he toldthe fox to tear him to pieces, and to bring theremains for his consumption . The fox did so

,

but reserved the heart, and ate it himself. Whenthe lion found it missing, he asked the fox thereason for its disappearance. “Oh, said the foxin reply

,

“ the ass never had a heart, for if he hadpossessed one

,he would never have been such a

fool as to demand toll from a king .

"

THE ANGLER AND THE L ITTLE FISH .

(COMPOSED BY A HEBREW WR1TER LIVING

IN 1 200 A.D .)

ONCE an angler was sitting near a brook fishing.

On drawing his net out of the water, he found

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there a struggling little fish. Presently, i t beganto speak

,imploring the angler to set it free that

it might enjoy itself in the water until it hadgrown bigger. Then , it added, it would volun

tarily surrender. But the angler said that hewould rather have it now for sure than trust to adoubtful chance of getting it in future.

THE COCK AND THE ELDERS OFA SYNAGOGUE.

(BY JUDAH ALCHAR1z1, ABOUT 1 200 A.D .)

ONCE upon a time, the E lders of a synagoguewent to an inn to dine together. Having orderedpoultry, the innkee per told them that he had onlyone large, old cock in the yard which was a mostferocious- looking bird , and would possibly givemuch trouble to catch and kill. But the Eldersinsisted on having the cock for their meal

,and

volunteered to assist the innkeeper to catch him,

as they liked to have a little sport. When theyentered the yard, the cock became suspicious, and ,with a loud shriek, he ran out, biting the fingersof those who endeavoured to get hold of him.

U ltimately, after a fruitless chase, the cock flewup to the roof of the little synagogue

,where

,after

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176 HEBREW SATIRE

were moved to pity and remorSe . They paid theinnkeeper the value of the old cock , and instructedhim to let him live on unharmed till he died.

THE GARDENER AND THE B IRD.

(BY KALONYMOS BEN KALONYMOS, 1 2 8 7 A.D .)

ONE day a large bird got into an orchard, anddestroyed a quantity of fruit. Suddenly thegardener appeared on the scene, and, seeing thedestruction wrought by the bird , he caught it,and decided to wring its neck. But the birdimplored him to spare its l ife, saying that if hedid so , it would tell him three ancient and usefulmax ims, and would l ikewise fetch him a hiddenjewel that was as big as its own body.

The gardener having consented , the bird saidFirstly

,you must never crave after the

unobtainable. Secondly, you must not deplorepast losses . And thirdly, you must not believefairy tales.”

Thereupon the gardener al lowed the bird toescape, reminding it of the hidden jewel. But

the bird settled itself on a tree outside theorchard , and mocked at him ,

who,seeing himself

duped , called it back. But the bird told him to

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recall the three golden rules it had shortly beforequoted to him , and said that he was a fool notto follow them .

THE MAN , THE DOG, AND THE ASS .

(BY A HEBREW WRITER LIVING IN THE M IDDLEAGES.)

ONCE a man had in his house a beautiful l ittledog and an ugly ass. He allowed the dog to

sit on his knee, to kiss him , and to share hismeals. Now, the ass became envious at thisgreat intimacy

,and decided to follow suit. Thus,

one day, he went into the house, and tried toembrace his owner with his forelegs

,and to kiss

his face. But the owner, in a great rage , beathim off with a heavy cane, and ordered hisservants to do the same, which they readily did .

So the poor ass,bruised and sore, was confined

to his stall,where he soon ended his painful

existence.

Do not envy other people’s good luck.

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THE RAVEN AND THE COLOUREDB IRDS .

(BY AN AUTHOR LIVING IN THE M IDDLE AGES.)

A RAVEN once saw a flock of birds flying aboutwhose beautiful plumage shone brightly in thesun. He therefore envied them, and regarded hisown black feathers with disfavour. Presently, hepicked up some coloured feathers that had fallenfrom the flying birds, and attached them to hisown wings. He then sat down on the branch ofa tree on which a great many coloured birds hadsettled, and pretended to be one of them. But

they soon found out the trick,and decided to

punish him severely for his impertinence! Theytherefore surrounded him, and plucked out all

his feathers. Thus, the poor bird remained

featherless, and his bare body was exposed tothe wind and the rain. After a little while hesickened , and died of a premature death.

Be satisfied with what you possess.

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180 HEBREW SATIRE

THE PROUD ASS .

(COMPOSED BY THE SAME AUTHOR.)

ONCE a lion was walking in the field with anass which was warmly greeted by another ass thatwas grazing near by. But the lion’s companionresented this familiarity, and called it a greatand shameful piece of impudence. Thereuponthe other grinned and said “Why are you soproud, you contemptible creature ! You willsurely continue to be an ass to the end of yourdays

,in spite of your being now in the lion’s

distinguished company.

”

I t has now and again been stated by certaineminent non-Jewish writers that the Jews havenever possessed any sense of humour or satire

,

and that consequently Hebrew literature,both

ancient and modern , was completely devoid ofeither of them . Now , it is quite true that theyhave shed more tears than any other people inpast ages ever did , but it is equally true thatthey have always been ready to smile throughthem . This is proved to some extent by theexistence of a good many humourous and satiricalHebrew writings that have been composed by

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Jewish authors,l iving at various times and in

different countries, several extracts from whichare given in the present volume.I t ought, perhaps, also to be mentioned here

that Hebrew is not the only language in whichJews have excelled in writing delightful andmirth-provoking satires. German literature, forinstance, is known to contain a considerablenumber of them .