Editorial Comments on Preorder Webpage - guiseppegetto.com · Web viewToday, approximately eighty percent of all communication is done with Wi-Fi and Apps. Even cellular networks
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1 Editorial Comments on Preorder Webpage By Crystal Holdefer MorphCase™ Turn Your iPod Touch Into A Wi-Fi Smartphone (Want to know when the MorphCase is available? Click the green button below.) Visual
Editorial Comments on Preorder WebpageBy Crystal Holdefer
MorphCase™ Turn Your iPod Touch Into A Wi-Fi Smartphone(Want to know when the MorphCase is available? Click the green button below.)
Visual
Crystal, 10/21/13,
The information and image seem a bit repetitive since both have appeared on the about->MorphCase page. I would suggest removing both the image and information.
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The MorphCase VoIP Adapter adds iPhone features to the iPod Touch.Take your iPod Touch to the next level, the Wi-Fi Mobile Smartphone.
Visuals
- Take your iPod Touch (2nd, 3rd or 4th Generation) -– Download any VoIP App (for calling, texting, pictures and video) -– Snap on the MorphCase (adding a speaker and microphone) -– Start calling (it’s that simple!) -
Crystal, 10/21/13,
I would suggest removing this information since it appeared on the about->MorphCase page. I would also suggest moving the image for now and using it somewhere else.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
I noticed that you have a video here and one at the bottom. I would suggest removing the video here so that users can get to the information faster. You can keep the video at the bottom so that users have something take away at the end of the webpage.
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VisualOur “smartphones” are really more “smart” and less phone…but we all still need to make a call sometimes. We love smartphones, just not the expensive monthly bill.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
While both the image and the quote are enjoyable, placing this information here distracts from the purpose of the page. I would suggest removing the image and information and using it somewhere else.I would suggest putting this where you talk about how you why/how you created the product.
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Figure 1. Old and New Look of Webpage After Removing Previous Content
Crystal, 10/21/13,
In Figure 1, I’ve provided a comparison between how the site looks with the previous images and without them to demonstratehow removing the previous images will make it easier to get to the first main point (Wi-Fi)
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Visual
Free Wi-Fi is available everywhere…at home, school, work, and millions of hotspots worldwide. So all you need is the MorphCase and a VoIP App to transform the iPod Touch into a 100% Wi-Fi Mobile Smartphone.
Using the iPod Touch as a Wi-Fi Smartphone is perfect for
Families: Parents need to communicate with their children, and they don’t have to worry about don’t need another monthly cellular bill,, but they need to be able to communicate with their children
College Students: With campus-wide Wi-Fi, there’s no reason not to have a Wi-Fi Smartphone.
Anyone: The Wi-Fi is an alternative to expensive monthly cellular bills.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Since you mentioned a no cellular bill with “families,” I would suggest including one more reasons to go with this or replacing this reason with something else.For example:Does it lower the cost of long distance calls?Do you have unlimited calling time?Does it work in an area where phone connection is bad and Wi-Fi connection is good?
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Since you’re targeting college students, you should also consider the college students who don’t live on campus and have access to Wi-Fi. I would suggest considering the needs of college students as you did with parents. For example, if a college student does not have enough minutes on their regular phone then they can’t keep in contact with their friends as much. Therefore, the use of this product can give them more time to talk to their friends without worrying about the cost.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Since you’re previous sentence is about who the product is perfect for, I would suggest using bold for “families,” “college students,” and “anyone” so that users can more quickly process that information.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
I would suggest changing the dashes to bullet for a more professional appearance.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
I notice that you use lowercase (Wi-Fi) and uppercase (WI-FI) in different sections of this webpage. I would suggest picking the case that is most familiar to iPod Touch users (Wi-Fi) and using throughout for better consistency.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Here the picture works because it gives users a reminder of what we-fi looks like. This visual also adds interest to this section.
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Visual
Crystal, 10/21/13,
I would suggest moving this image down to where you first talk say you say “The MorphCase is my solution.” You can see how this change would look in Figure 2 below.
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Figure 2. Image Moved to “The MorphCase is my solution” Section
Calls, texts, pictures, videos, emails and social media communication can all be sent free with Wi-Fi. Today, approximately eighty percent of all communication is done with Wi-Fi and Apps. Even cellular networks are offloading data traffic to Wi-Fi to ease network congestion. We’re are also now seeing Wi-Fi advances embracing the vision of seamless connectivity:
CableWiFi: The collaboration of major cable companies to give consumers access to more than 100,000 Wi-Fi Hotspots.
Santa Clara Free Wi-Fi powered by SVP MeterConnect: Free citywide Wi-Fi via electric meters.
Uconnect and AutonetMobile: Wi-Fi enabled vehicles. Passpoint – Secured seamless Wi-Fi connectivity to millions of hotspots all over
the world. Super Wi-Fi: Using TV Whitespace technology for longer distance Wi-Fi access.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
The term “electric meters” may be unclear to the general site user. I would suggest using replacing this term.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Here I would also suggest using bold for the first item in the bullet list so that it stands out and allows the user to read the items more quickly.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
For consistency, I would suggest using colons for this list as you did for the previous list.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Here I would also suggest using bullets for a professional appearance.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Here I would suggest rephrasing this sentence so that it more clearly explains that this list is about Wi-Fi advances.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
This sentence could be confusing for the general user because of the terms “cellular networks,” “offloading data traffic to Wi-Fi,” and “network congestion.” I would suggest using a more general explanation here.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
This seems like a point for Wi-Fi use.
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These are only a handful of the innovations (new ideas and advances) we’re seeing. By using devices completely reliant on Wi-Fi, companies and corporations are seeing the demand for better and more extensive Wi-Fi connectivity. Because Wi-Fi makes our By making our daily lives easier and saves us moneys well as saving money, the abundance and accessibility of Wi-Fi is a revolution we need.
VisualThe iPod Touch was not designed to be the iPhone. There is no speaker at the top or microphone at the bottom. So, when using it as a phone with a VoIP App for calling, you were limited. The only choices you had to make calls were a Bluetooth earpiece, earphones with an integrated microphone, or (on the 4th and 5th Generation) a speakerphone.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
You mentioned that the only options available were the Bluetooth earpiece, the integrated microphone, and the speakerphone, but you didn’t mention what the problems were with using these.If users read this sentence, they may think that there are these other options out there that are better than the MorphCase (if they already have one of these devices than they may just use that instead). To keep users interested in the product, I would suggest adding a sentence or two here explaining what the problems were with these options. Such as “While these choices did allow iPod Touch users to make calls, …”
Crystal, 10/21/13,
What is “better and more extensive Wi-Fi connectivity”?
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VisualI was surprised when I searched and I could not find a simple fitted accessory that added phone features to the iPod Touch to make it convenient for calling. I thought, there just has to be some way to encase a speaker and microphone in a stylish design to compliment the iPod touch. So, I decided to create a product.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
This sentence could come off as either creating the product was really easy for you or you didn’t put much work into it.I would suggest including the work you did here and rephrasing this sentence to something like “So, I decided to research . . . so that I could create an accessory that would include these microphone and speaker features and that iPod users could have to . . .”Rephrasing the sentence this way couldshow the effort that you put into the creation of this productremind users that your product includes the features that were missingtell users who this product is for and restate the need it fullfills
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Why did you think of these features (the speaker and microphone) first? You might touch on that you thought there was a problem with the iPod Touch not having a speaker and microphone even though it could use VoIP Apps.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
While it’s good to be simple, the way you’ve described your discovery and creation of the product may sound a little too easy and almost like anyone could do. Where you say “I was surprised what I searched and I could not find a simple fitted accessory that added phone features to the iPod Touch to make it convenient for calling” you may come off as reviewer of a product rather than the creator of a new product. You say “I” but who do you represent? An iPod Touch user? Why were you searching for the accessory? What need were you trying to fulfill by finding that accessory? By adding who you represent and the need you had for looking for an accessory, you can make yourself relatable to other iPod Touch users who’ve had that same need (other iPod users).
Crystal, 10/21/13,
I would suggest removing this visual since it interrupts and distracts from the story you’re trying to tell.
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About the ProductThe MorphCase is my solution. It’s an adapter encasing a microphone and speaker precisely placed in the normal locations, just like on any phone. Snap your iPod Touch (2nd, 3rd, or 4th Generation) into the MorphCase and you are ready to go. No extra wires or power cable, no battery drain, and no need to “jailbreak”. Just simple integration that transforms your iPod Touch into the Wi-Fi Smartphone of the future.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Here you start a new section where you go more in-depth about the product itself so I would suggest a new heading such as “About the Product”
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VisualThe Case…
The adapter acts as a decorative case that fits on the iPod Touch. My vision was to create a uniquely designed and well-engineered product that would complement the form and quality of the iPod Touch, but still be different and stylish. I decided to keep the sleek look of the iPod Touch by implementing an open design for easy access to all buttons and the connector. The inner case material needed to be soft and sturdy but flexible, the outer case had to be more robust and serve to add structure while still have flexibility. Over the past year, multiple variations of hardness and flexibility have been rigorously tested to finally achieve the perfect combination.
The Hardware…
The simple hardware configuration enables a speaker located at the top of the case and a microphone located at the bottom, engaging the audio jack to function. It’s been thoroughly tested for excellent, clear call quality with no static or interference.
Apple’s iPod Touch is a cutting-edge piece of technology. Just like reinventing the phone, only Apple could take the mp3 player to the next level…the MorphCase just
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Is this information necessary? You’ve already stated several times what the product does. I would suggest removing it.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
I don’t think that this information will be as important to the general iPod Touch users. I would suggest removing it.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
Users will not know what an “open design” is. I would suggest instead saying “I decided to keep the sleek look of the iPod Touch and create easy access to the iPod Touch’s buttons and connector.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
This is a great visual for this section. Users can refer back to it as the read about the case, hardware, and its use.
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kicks it up a notch by completing the transformation into a 100% Wi-Fi mobile smartphone.
Figure 3. Image Placed After Text
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VisualPrototypes, design and initial tooling have been completed. Multiple rounds of testing have been done over the past year and all the data necessary to make final tooling modifications is in order to produce a well-designed, safe and durable product. Materials were changed after lifecycle-testing results to achieve the perfect combination of
Crystal, 10/21/13,
The visual breaks up this section and makes it seem like the information is not connected to the “About the Product” information. I would suggest moving this visual down to the bottom of the page as shown in Figure 3.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
While I understand why you would want to put apple in a good light, including that the MorphCase transforms the iPod Touch into a 100% Wi-Fi mobile may be overkill since you’ve mentioned this information before.I would suggest removing these two9 sentences.
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strength and flexibility. The final design will be the same aesthetically, but additional structural components are being added to the tooling for a more robust design. Final testing, according to the highest standards of consumer safety and environment, is now underway.
The success of the MorphCase will be a direct result of your opinions, comments, and spreading the word. With your help, I hope to finally bring my dream to life and give everyone the ability to take their iPod Touch to the next level…the 100% Wi-Fi Mobile Smartphone.
Visual
Crystal, 10/21/13,
In Figure 4 below, I’ve provided a visual of what the entire webpage will look like by following my suggestions for removing images and text, and reorganizing images.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
If you move down the other visual (the MorphCase visual above) then you will not need the “morph” visual. I would suggest removing it.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
This is a good way to end this page.
Crystal, 10/21/13,
This information seems less important to your audience of general site users. I would suggest removing it.
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Figure 4. Website After Changes
Crystal, 10/21/13,
These changes will make the information on the webpage easier to read and will clearly demonstrate the main ideas of this page (“The Revolution of Wi-Fi”, “Turn Your Touch Into Talk”, and “About the MorphCase”).
