emotional intelligence for dummies · figure 4-3: emotional intelligence and age. 104 16–19 102...

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

FOR DUMMIES®

BY STEVEN J. STEIN, PHD

Contents

Figure 4-1 3

Figure 4-2 3

Figure 4-3 4

Figure 5-1 5

Table 5-1 5

Figure 7-1 6

Figure 9-1 7

Figure 12-1 8

Table 12-1 9

Figure 4-2: The MSCEIT

model for emotional

intelligence.

UnderstandingEmotions33

ManagingEmotions44

PerceivingEmotions11FacilitatingThought22

Strategic

Experiential

May

er-Salovey-Caruso Model of Emotional IntelligenceM

ayer-S

alovey-Caruso Model of Emotional Intelligence

MSCEIT

10_157329-ch04.indd 5310_157329-ch04.indd 53 7/7/09 7:16:30 PM7/7/09 7:16:30 PM

Figure 4-1: The Bar-On

model of emotional

intelligence.

Intra-personal Inter-personal

StressManagement Adaptability

EFFECTIVE PERFORMANCE

GENERAL MOODGENERAL MOOD

BAR-ON MODEL OFEMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

Figure used with permission of Multi-Health Systems, www.mhs.com

3

Figure 4-3: Emotional

intelligence and age.

104

16–19

102

100

98

96

94

92

9020–29

96.8

AverageEQ

100

30–39

101.8

40–49

102.7

50+

101.5

95.395.3

Reproduced with permission from Multi-Health Systems. All rights reserved. www.mhs.com

As you can see in the graph in Figure 4-3, from about the age of 20, people’s

emotional intelligence increases until somewhere around age 55. At that

point, these emotional skills start to decline a bit. So, over time (to a point),

you can see a steady, gradual increase in these emotional skills. This pattern

probably relates to the concept of maturity — or getting older, but wiser.

Emotional intelligence is perceived by some people as an aspect of wisdom.

This mirrors the idea that you get “older but wiser.” For example, your impulse

control probably becomes more manageable while you age, which may affect

your problem-solving ability and increase your reality testing. Reality testing is your ability to see things as they really are as opposed to the way you wish

they were. Another emotional skill that grows as you age is your ability to see

past your own circumstances; as they age, many people begin to focus less on

themselves and more on others and the world around them.


4

Figure 5-1: Observe

others and record your

observa-tions.

EmotionObserved

female happy

female concerned

Direction

P / N

P / N

Intensity

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Trigger

he saidsomething to herand looked at her

he spoke softly,looked at hiscoffee cup

Cue

she’s smiling, wideexpression on her face,

moving towards him

she wrinkled herbrow, looked down


Table 5-1 Hot and Cold FeelingsHot Feelings Cool Feelings

Rage, fury, and anger Annoyance and irritation

Despondency, despair, depression, and pessimism

Sadness

Severe guilt, intense remorse Regret

Self-worthlessness, self-hate Self-disappointment

Anxiety, fear, and panic Concern

5

Figure 7-1: Determine

the emo-tion being

expressed in each

drawing.

1 2

3 4


6

Figure 9-1: Keep a

diary of your feelings at

work.

Positive times of the day: 9:00, 10:00 ...

Negative times of the day: 11:00, 12:30 ...

People with “+” response: Bill ...

People with “–” response:

Tasks that are “+”: Dealing with other people at work

Tasks that are “–”: Dealing with unhappy customers

How I can increase “+” during the day:Spend more time with peopleSet up meetings at down times of the day

How I can decrease “–” during the day:Prepare myself when dealing with customers (put myself in the mood)Practice dealing with difficult customersTry to deal with unhappy customers at a specific time of day

TIME

9:00

10:00

11:00

12:00

Excited

Calm

Anxious

Tense

Arrived at work,chatted with Bill

Caught up with e-mails

Realized I’m behindwith work

Tried to finish taskbefore lunch

FEELING P/N

+

+

–

–

EVENT


7

Figure 12-1: Create

a values chart, which details how

you want to spend

your time.Self

Family

Friends

Fitness

Hobbies

Spouse

Lear

ning

Work

Recreation

Sports


8

Table 12-1 Ideal ScheduleMon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat Sun

Before 8 a.m.

Break-fast

Break-fast

Break-fast

Break-fast

Break-fast

Sleep Sleep

9 a.m.–noon

Work Work Work Work Work Breakfast/shop

Break-fast

noon–1 p.m.

Lunch Lunch Lunch Lunch Lunch Lunch Lunch

1–5 p.m. Work Work Work Work Work Chores Family

6–7 p.m. Work Fitness Hobby Fitness Family/Dinner

Social Family

7–8 p.m. Family/Dinner

Family/Dinner

Family Family Family/Dinner

Social/Dinner

Family/Dinner

8 p.m.–midnight

TV Rec Social Rec Social Social TV


9

emotional intelligence for dummies · figure 4-3: emotional intelligence and age. 104 16–19 102...

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