Enhancing Male-FemaleCommunication in

A High Female EnvironmentMay 10,

2013

MaleHave more difficulty recognizing their range of emotions. Later brain developmentFewer connections between brain cellsLess able to read visual cues

FemaleMore capable of recognizing range of emotions. Earlier brain developmentMore connections between brain cellsMore able to read visual cues

Male vs. Female Brains

Male

Use 2,000 to 3,000 words per dayUse three tones when speakingThink bigger is better

 It’s the gift that counts

FemaleUse 6,000 to 8,000 words per dayUse five tones when speakingThink more is better (more little things)It’s the thought that counts (wrapping, card, sentiment)

Male vs. Female Brains

MaleLess gray matterLess densely packedLess thought linking capacityMore white matter and cerebral spinal fluid (CSF)Slower blood flow to the brain

Female15-20% more gray matterMore densely packedMore thought linking capacityLess white matter and CSFFaster blood flow to the brain

Male vs. Female Brains

MaleProgrammed for bottom up perspectiveRules-based analysis

Systematize Spatial CognitionDecreased serotonin

FemaleProgrammed for top down “Big Picture” perspectivePeople readingEmpathizeLanguage fluencyIncreased oxytocin

Male vs. Female Brains

Gender DistinctionsThe Little Things that Drive Men

Crazy

• Worlds of work & personal life are separate

• Start with conclusion up front

• If I need more details, I will ask

• Enjoy the results of communicating

• World of work & personal life are the same

• Want to present storyline as it progressed

• You need details to understand situation

• Enjoy the process of communicating

Male

Female

Gender DistinctionsThe Little Things that Drive Men

Crazy

• Tend to process internally (while thinking it through, can’t talk about it)

• Getting emotional means logic has been lost

• Separate work world and personal world

• Tend to focus solely on work issues in meetings

• Tend to process externally (think it through by talking it through)

• Getting emotional is natural and necessary at times

• Blend work world and personal world

• See benefit to briefly address personal issues to build relationships

Male

Female

The Little Things that Drive Men Crazy

• Transactional expectations

• Do not overreact. Edit your reactions & move on

• Rarely show personal frustration as results of conflict at work

• Relational expectations

• Reactions are who I am and are a normal process

• Difficulty separating conflict from personal reactions

Male

Female

Continued

The Little Things that Drive Men Crazy

• Address the issue and don’t bring it up again

• My job title defines me

• Focus on breadth of topics in conversation

• Continue to express feelings until adequately resolved

• My job title is only part of who I am

• Focus on depth of topic in conversation

Male

Female

Continued

“Suck it Up”

• Don’t let obstacles stop you from completing the job

• Look for signs of commitment to accomplish tasks

• More skilled in hiding signs of apathy toward commitment

• Reluctant to complain about obstacles

• Obstacles are normal and need to be accommodated

• Do not necessarily look for signs of commitment

• More willing to broadcast signs of apathy toward commitment

• Willing to complain about obstacles

Male

Female

“Suck it Up”

• Complaining seen as claiming to be a victim

• Avoid talking about how hard you are working

• Don’t sweat the small stuff

• Do as the boss tells you, without question

•Complaining seen as a way to remedy concerns

• Acceptable to talk about how hard you are working

• Small stuff needs to be addressed

• Explain to me why I have to perform tasks

Male

Female

“Suck it Up”

• Figure things out on your own at work

• Ask for help is not appropriate

• Speak to report facts in short phrases with limited details

• If there’s a deadline, figure it out fast

• Collectively figure things out

• Seeking help and offering help is acceptable

• Speak to build rapport with lots of details

• Always OK to ask if there is a better way to doing it

Male

Female

“Suck it Up”

• Get on with it, take action now

• More willing to accept deadlines and work within them

• Focus on moving on when under tight structures

• We all need to play by the same rules

• Analyze it first, then proceed

• More willing to seek permission to change parameters

• Focus on asking questions first, then take action

• Acceptable to seek different standards

Male

Female

The Visual Trap

• More areas of brain devoted to visual-spatial processing

• Brain attuned to external visual stimuli

• More likely to perceive numerous stimuli as sexual

• More areas of brain devoted to verbal-emotional processing

• Brain attuned to internal sensory stimuli

• Less likely to perceive numerous stimuli as sexual

Male

Female

The Visual Trap

• He can’t not notice her attractiveness

• She’s dressing provocatively to sell her sexuality

• Emotion-oriented response to attraction

• She can avoid noticing his attractiveness

• I’m dressing attractively to look good, to feel stylish

• Thought-oriented response to attraction

Male

Female

The Confidence Game

• Often prefer a competitive approach to problem solving

• My position, my work, is my identity

• Thrive on tackling new challenges

• Asking for help is a sign of weakness

• Often prefer a cooperative approach to problem solving

• My position is only part of my identity

• Do not necessarily thrive on tackling new challenges

• Asking for help is acceptable in the workforce

Female

Male

The Confidence Game

• Perceive her asking “why” as a challenge

• Avoid expressing exasperation in workplace

• Greatest fear is being seen as incompetent

• Perceive asking “why” as seeking clarification

• Often express exasperation in the workplace

• Greatest fear is being seen as uncaring

Female

Male

Reference: The Male Factor: Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace - Shaunti Feldhahn

Presenters:Carol Lopinski, ACSW, LCSW, CISWDirector of Family SupportChild Crisis Centercarol.lopinski@childcrisis.orgwww.childcrisis.org

Neil Tift, M.A.Male Involvement Program Director Child Crisis Centerneil.tift@childcrisis.orgwww.childcrisis.org