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JUST YOUR TYPE: INFJ

Estimated to be between 2 and 3 per cent of the American population

The two words that best describe most INFJs are integrity and originality. Their Lead Intuition provides them with vision andcreativity, and using both in the service of others gives them great satisfaction. They are usually excellent listeners, as they are

naturally patient and insightful. Extremely perceptive and empathetic, they are especially gifted at thinking up new and better

ways to help people satisfy their needs and are usually eager to provide whatever support is necessary.

Typically gentle and reserved, INFJs do not like to call attention to themselves and often are content to work behind the

scenes. As thoughtful, caring, and sensitive people, INFJs will usually go the extra mile to maintain harmonious relationships.

However, they can also be fiercely independentwilling to subject themselves to scepticism or criticism in order to make their

vision, driven by their strong values, a reality. They are earnest and exude an unshakable faith in their beliefs that engenders

trust and respect in others. For this reason, they often make inspiring leaders.

Because their Least function is Sensing, INFJs may fail to take into account the everyday realities that might preventtheir ideas from working on a practical level. Preferring to focus on the big picture, they sometimes miss or choose to ignore

important everyday details. Because they believe so deeply in the correctness of their positions, they can be somewhat

judgmental or dismissive of competing views. INFJs single-mindedness can become a liability if they are not flexible enough to

modify their plans once they have embarked on a course of action much like a person driving down the highway and making

great time but, unfortunately, going in the wrong direction. INFJs perfectionism also can result in a tendency to be stubborn

and unyielding, especially on issues of morality. They usually find that sharing their vision with someone they trust helps them

see the flaws and gain a more realistic perspective.

INFJs are decisive and organised, and they like living according to their plans. With their ability to focus and their strong

determination, they are often extremely productive. They like to set goals and work tirelessly to achieve them. However,

sometimes in their haste to conclude, they miss experiencing and enjoying the process, and they can become so preoccupiedwith making their vision a reality that they lack the ability to act spontaneously.

Since INFJs are motivated by their values and deeply held convictions, they tend to take things personally or become

offended when no hurt was intended. Unfortunately, their sensitivity can cause them to become defensive, to cut people off, or

to reject ideas that do not meet their high standards. They may need a gentle reminder to take themselves less seriously so that

they can enjoy some of lifes lighter moments and laugh at their own foibles.

LOOKING DOWN THE ROAD: HOW INFJS CHANGE OVER TIME

Up until about the age of 30, INFJs are run by their Lead Intuition, supported by their Feeling. However, as INFJs reach their

thirties and forties, they may start to let their Thinking influence their decisions. As a result, they usually develop the ability to

be more critical and objective about everything, especially themselves and their ideas. Although they still trust their own

personal values above all else, they often have an easier time being critiqued and factoring in outside suggestions.

In their late forties and fifties, INFJs may begin to use their Least function, Sensing. Typically, this is their greatest

weakness and where they are most vulnerable. By consciously working at it, they may become more aware of the realities that

affect their ideas. They also may gain a new appreciation of their bodies and of nature.

INFJS AS PARTNERS

INFJs can be supportive and insightful partners, encouraging their mates to have dreams and to work hard to make them come

true. In addition, because they are so creative, they frequently have a wealth of good suggestions to help their partners reach

their goals. INFJs like and need harmony so much that they are driven to resolve conflicts quicklybut on terms that dont

violate their ethics. Because they are so ruled by their vision and sense of integrity, they may feel their view is the morally

correct one and it would be unjust to yield or compromise.

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INFJs feel most appreciated and loved when their partners admire and encourage their creativity, trust their inspiration,

and respect their values. It is also vitally important that their partners be open and emotionally available to them and that their

mates be willing to share themselves completely.

RELATIONSHIP SATISFIERS

Trust, good communication, and mutual respect are aspects of relationships that all types value highly. However, here are the

aspects that INFJs report are most and least important to them.

Most Important Aspects Least Important Aspects

Mutual support Shared religious beliefs

Mutual commitment Shared interests

Being listened to Sexual compatibility

Fidelity Spiritual connection

Intimacy Similar parenting styles

Companionship

Shared values

ENTJ WITH INFJ

THE JOYS

ENTJs and INFJs share two of the four type preferences, so they are interested in possibilities and stimulated by new ideas.

Although they may not always agree, they usually have little trouble understanding each other. They are also alike in that they

think about the future, focus on the big picture, and easily see how events are related. They tend to be decisive, like to make

and keep plans, and find comfort in structure and order. Naturally organised, ENTJs and INFJs like their homes to be neat and

tidy and seldom struggle over household chores. These couples are especially productive; not only are they good at dreaming

up projects, but they also are driven to complete them!

In addition to their similarities, ENTJs and INFJs are often initially attracted to each other because of their differences.

ENTJs are often drawn to INFJs quiet intensity, thoughtfulness, creativity, and integrity. They admire their partners warmth

and fierce compassion for the people and things about whom they care. INFJs are often attracted to ENTJs competence, self-

assurance, and high energy level. Being natural leaders, ENTJs tend to be powerful people who inspire confidence and respect.

Because of their differences, ENTJs and INFJs are able to help each other grow and develop in important ways. ENTJs

are often able to help INFJs become bolder and more comfortable taking risks. Many INFJs say that their partners help them

receive constructive criticism better and avoid getting their feelings hurt so easily. For their part, INFJs are able to help ENTJs

become more sensitive, thoughtful, and introspective, allowing them to express more fully their appreciation of others.

THE FRUSTRATIONS

One of the common frustrations between ENTJs and INFJs is their very different needs for social activity. Typically, ENTJs want

to be out of their homes meeting and working with a large number of people. INFJs are less social, but, ironically, they are often

the ones who are left to initiate gatherings with friends and take care of the social niceties, such as acknowledging special

occasions, sending gifts, and responding to invitations.

Another big difference between these types is that ENTJs usually run at or close to top speed, while INFJs prefer a more

thoughtful and deliberate pace. This can result in INFJs feeling pressured and rushed and ENTJs chafing at the bit to get moving.

INFJs also are much more home- and family-cantered than ENTJs, who are usually very career-driven and are more likely to be

workaholics. This difference, especially when there are children involved, can become a continual source of conflict for these

couples.

The difference that causes the most painful frustration for ENTJs and INFJs is how they come to conclusions and make

decisions. Although ENTJs are very honest and direct, they can also be critical and condescending. Their bluntness can

unintentionally hurt their partners feelings, often without even realising it. In contrast, INFJs often have emotional reactions

that their partners find overblown and illogical. To be sure, ENTJs can be dismissive of reactions or feelings they do not share,

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and INFJs are prone to take everything very seriously and rarely let even small offenses go. ENTJs are typically sure their

positions are more logical and intellectually sound. Meanwhile, INFJs are convinced they are right based on their strongly held

personal and moral beliefs. So both partners sometimes become intractable, and they can find themselves at a painful impasse.

When conflicts arise, ENTJs generally want to deal with them head-on by logically analysing and debating the issue and

coming quickly to a reasonable resolution. However, because INFJs seek harmony and need to think about things before acting

on them, they often retreat to reflect on their feelings privately. As ENTJs become more frustrated, they may exhibit angry

outbursts. This threatens and overwhelms INFJs, and they withdraw even more. Both types want to resolve issues quickly, but

they go about it in very different ways. A careful balance of honesty and gentleness is important for them to restore equilibrium

to their relationships.

HOW TO REACH YOUR INFJ PARTNER

Be sensitive to your partners feelings. Recognise that he or she does not like confrontation, so avoid angry outbursts. Give your partner time to think and process his or her feelings. Express your appreciation of all the nurturing things your partner does to deepen and cultivate your relationship. Listen patiently and attentively. Resist the urge to bring the conversation back to you, fix the problem, or come up with

a solution.

Recognise that your partners vision and values are very important and cannot easily be compromised. Do not ask yourpartner to bend on those things.

Fight the urge to respond or especially to criticise your partner immediately. Think things through, then edit them fordiplomacy.

Express your feelings. Say, I love you a lot!HOW TO REACH YOUR ENTJ PARTNER

Support, appreciate, and compliment your partner on his or her accomplishments and achievements. Recognise how important your partners career aspirations are and support them whenever you can. Never criticise or question your partners competence in public. Strive to be more flexible on the little things. Prioritise issues and focus on those that are critical. Try to lighten up and not insist on a deep emotional connection all the time.