episode one - draft script

8/13/2019 Episode One - Draft Script

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THE OTHER ONES

"Episode One"

Written by

Xavier Charles RedmondJoseph Perry Dwyer

Harry Vivian Dunk

JP Dwyer42 Inglis StreetGrange QLD 4051 Mobile: 0458 316574


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THE OTHER ONES

Episode One

In this sketch comedy show, there is great room forimprovisation. If you think of a funny or clever line, yell itout. There is no wrong answer. Just be as drama as possible.

FADE IN:

INT. DRAMA CLASSROOM

A quiet classroom becames gradually noisier as the cool dramagang walks in. They consist of XAVIER, HARRY, and JOE. They

waltz in dramatically, while reciting Shakespeare. Joe does atwirl.

XAVIERTo be or not to be!

HARRYThat is the question!

JOEWhether tis nobler to bear the slingsand arrows of outrageous fortune...

An overly excited lad bumbles over. His name is CRAIG.

CRAIGAre we reciting Shakespeare?

XAVIERNo, were watching your familys moneydry up with the end of the miningboom.

They all chuckle.

JOEDramatic high-five!

Joe slides to his knees and does a dramatic high-five. Theteacher walks in and silences the class with a single gaze. Theclass falls into a hushed silence. He looks out the door, and

then dramatically shuts it behind him. He pauses.

TEACHERIts drama time!

He whips off his jacket, undoes his tie and throws hisShakespeare across the room. He dances across and flamboyantlybegins a musical number. The class joins in.


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THREE MINUTES LATER

They collapse exhausted in a heap. They all get up and returnto their seats. The teacher then begins to look serious again.He walks over to a particularly smiling student.

TEACHER (CONTD)

Stop.

The students face goes white as a sheet. The teacher revertsinto flamboyant mode.

TEACHER (CONTD)Where did you get that scarf? Is thatsilk? Oooh, its beautiul to touch.

BARRYOi, tell that to the judge you pedo.

(Barry snickers.)

TEACHERAlright, death scenes, whos up? Ichoose Barry.

Barry groans and reluctantly walks on stage. The teacher pullsout a knife. Barry acts like a real tough guy, loads ofswagger, plenty of mocking smiles. The teacher brandishes aknife.

TEACHER (CONTD)This is perfectly safe. Unless youjust made hurtful remarks.

The teacher plunges the knife into Barry. It isnt a fake!Barry spurts blood everywhere. The teacher yells aggressively

while being sprayed with the blood. He then calmly steps down,and bows.

TEACHER (CONTD)Thats what we call theatre. Alright,

who wants to do their performance? Andremember kiddies, this is forassessment.

All the hands shoot up.

XAVIERIm doing capitalism destroying mothernature!

HARRYIm doing communism as a double-sidedstatue of liberty and terror!

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JOEIm doing the face of anguish weepingover the many moons of alcoholism andsliding into drug addiction!

CRAIGIm doing the story of a man who

crosses many planets to find his truelove who is himself looking into the

mirror of the past!

The room falls silent and everyone looks at Craig.

XAVIERGet out. Just get out.

CRAIGBut.. Wait.. No, wait...

XAVIER

Out!

Craig pleads to the teacher. The teachers face remains stilluntil he angrily whispers a few words.

TEACHERDo you have your task sheet?

CRAIGYe.. Yes.

TEACHER

What have I told you so many times inclass?

CRAIGNo realism?

The teacher flips the desk in his rage, and stands up tall,yelling the words:

TEACHERNo! Flipping! Realism! Get out! Youundramatic piece of Robert Pattinsonsacting!

Craig runs out crying. Before he leaves, however, he yells oneword.

CRAIGMacbeth!

The class gasps. Harry becomes immensely nervous. His bodystarts shaking.

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Room for improv.

TEACHERHarry! Go up and show us how theatreis really done thank you!

Harry slowly, nervously walks up to the stage. He goes on

stage, falls to his knees and vomits everywhere. He tries toget up on one leg, but he slips in the vomit.

Room for improv.

As the tears are drawn out of his body... the class begins toclap slowly. The teacher wipes a tear from his eye. The classstands to clap. More tears fall.

TEACHER (CONTD)(Triumpthantly)

That... that... that is theatre!

The claps begin to turn happier, and another dance numberbegins. The students take their places, and they take in abreath to sing when a brick flies through the window and killXavier.

Blood flies everywhere. Craigs face is at the window. Theychase after him.

HARRYAnd thats all we got time for folks!

JOE

After we complete this brutal murder,I think well nip down to the theatrein time for Industrialism, a play withno story, no dialogue, no actors, buttrue power.

FADE OUT.

END OF FIRST SKETCH

FADE IN:

INT. A REGULAR OFFICE - NIGHT

The location is just an everyday office. An overly cheery manwearing a shirt and tie sits behind his desk, talking on thephone. He is talking intently into a phone, often nodding,smiling or looking deep in thought.

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MANYes. I understand. I think that's thebest course of action. In a way yes, Icompletely understand. Yes. That's

what I thought. Do it by all means.Absolutely. Why not? So you'redoing that? I agree. Right, thank you.

The man hangs up, twiddles his thumbs.

MANI wouldnt say no to a roasted spleenon a bed of beans right now.

The phone rings again. He picks up.

MANSuicide hotline, Craig speaking.

FADE OUT.

END OF SECOND SKETCH

JUMP CUT TO:

INT. A BEAUTIFULLY DECORATED ROOM - DAY

A group of slightly feminine looking guys stand around theedges of the room while an impeccably dressed man takes centerstage.

IMPECCABLY DRESSEDGentlemen. You are all here becausethere is somehting missing in yourlife. You are here today to take itback.

They nod and cheer, spurring Impeccably Dressed to continue.

IMPECCABLY DRESSEDWelcome... to...

(pulls a bag of glitter outof his jacket and throws iteverywhere)

Fabulous Club! Alright, spinning high-fives everyone, lets do it!

Impeccably Dressed does overly flamboyant and fabulous spinninghigh-fives to all the guys around the room.

IMPECCABLY DRESSEDAlright, now on to the rules ofFabulous Club.

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The first rule of Fabulous Club istell all your friends in a voice twooctaves higher than normal! Fouroctaves for Gary.

The bass-voice GARY responds in a shockingly low tone.

GARYSure thing, boss.

IMPECCABLY DRESSEDAlright, I consider this to be the

most important rule of all. Neverforget this second rule. Razzle...before dazzle! Alright, give me somespinning high-fives with a twirl,lets do it!

He does indeed go around the room delivering spinning high-fives with a twirl.

IMPECCABLY DRESSEDThirdly, to be a member of FabulousClub, you must not already befabulous. So Sir Andrew, Elton, getout.

They relcutantly leave.

IMPECCABLY DRESSEDYou too, Liberaces ghost.

An incredibly high voice emanates from nothingness.

LIBERACES GHOSTFiiiiiiiiii-iiiiine!

IMPECCABLY DRESSEDNext, we teach you jazz hands.

He does jazz hands to emphasise his point.

IMPECCABLY DRESSEDNow you try!

They all try. It is terrible.

IMPECCABLY DRESSEDThat was awful! Play me out, Clarice.

He hops and skips out with a look of pure disgust on his face.

FADE TO BLACK.

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END OF THIRD SKETCH

EXT. BARN - DAY

A young, clean shaven JESUS CHRIST strokes some bales of haywhile listening to some full on Christian rock. He plays a fewtunes on his ukulele like instrument. He then strums really

aggressively, whipping his head back and forth.

His father, JOSEPH OF NAZARETH, barges in.

JOSEPHHello, Jesus! Do you mind turning downthat racket! Honestly, I dont know

what you see in current music!

Jesus gets aggressive.

JESUSShut up, Joseph! Youre not my real

dad! Mum wasnt even married when youhad me! Arhjghahhg I hate being yourbastard.

JOSEPHNow slow down here mister. You live in

my house, you follow my rules.

Jesus yells and runs out. He runs while heavy rock music playsin the back ground. He knocks on the door of another house. Thedoor magically swings open. Jesus looks at the doormat. Itreads JESUS IS COMING - LOOK BUSY.

JESUSGod damn you, Dad.

The earth shakes and Gods voice rings down from the heavens.

GODHello son. I hear youre having sometrouble at home. In other news, I mayhave to cancel this weekends stoningtrip.

JESUS

Shut up God, you dont know myproblems!

Jesus runs. JOHN THE BAPTIST comes up to him.

JOHNHey Jesus! Want to go for a swim? Thecreek is looking mighty baptizable!

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JESUSShut up John, you dont know myaquatic experiences!

Jesus runs away again. He sees another teen. He grabs him bythe shoulder and drags him with him.

JESUSCome on Judas, were going to thetemple. Im up for some full onprayer.

Judass goat starts bleating.

JUDASYeah sure thing Jesus. Just hold on, Igot to take this call.

(puts goat to ear)Hi? Joseph? You want to know whereJesus is? Ehrm.... Hes right next to

me, we are on our way to the temple.

Jesus looks enraged.

JUDASAlright, well, Ill see you and Maryat dinner on Judeaday. Looking forwardto it. Thank you.

Jesus stops, looks at Judas and then points to a tree.

JESUS

You see that? Why dont you hangyourself from it you traitor!

Jesus runs off, and screams a high E. Andrew Lloyd Webber walkson.

ANDREW LLOYD WEBBERNo, no, no Jesus youre doing it all

wrong. Its a High F in Gethsemane.Goddamnit.

Jesus sighs, whips out his ukulele and plays some Christianrock.

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episode one - draft script

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