essentials of successful marriage

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Essentials of Successful Marriage 11 F’s

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How to have successful marriage? Steps which help towards a successful marital life in Islam.

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Page 1: Essentials of successful marriage

Essentials of Successful Marriage

11 F’s

Page 2: Essentials of successful marriage

The Definition of Marriage (Nikah) in Islam

Sheikh Muhammad Abu Zahrah (a modern scholar) defines it like this:

"A contract that results in the man and woman living with each other and supporting each other within the limits of what has been laid down( in Islam) for them in terms of rights and obligations."

Sheikh Ibn Uthaimeen takes an even more comprehensive view of the institution of marriage:

"It is a mutual contract between a man and a woman whose goal is for each to enjoy the other, become a pious family and a sound society."

Page 3: Essentials of successful marriage

Marriage-source of love and mercy

"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Undoubtedly in these are signs for those who reflect." [Noble Quran 30:21]

Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them." (2:187)

Page 4: Essentials of successful marriage

Marriage a way to procreation

And Allah has made for you your mates of your own nature, and made for you, out of them, sons and daughters and grandchildren, and provided for you sustenance of the best." [Noble Quran 16:72]

Page 5: Essentials of successful marriage

Importance of Marriage in Hadith

"O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty." [Al-Bukhari]

Modesty was regarded as a great virtue by the Prophet. He said, "Modesty is part of faith." [Al-Bukhari]

"Marriage is my sunnah. Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me.

When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

Page 6: Essentials of successful marriage

11 Essentials of Successful Marriage

1-Faith2-

Forbearance

3-Friendship

with spouse

4-Friendship

with in laws

5-Our friends

6-Fun

7-Financial plan

8-Respect for family

9-Freedom

10-Plan for future

11-Fulfillment

Page 7: Essentials of successful marriage

Characteristics of good spouses

For Muslim men and women for believing men and women for devout men and women for true men and women for men and women who are patient and constant for men and women who humble themselves for men and women who give in charity for men and women who fast (and deny themselves) for men and women who guard their chastity and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward. 33:35

Page 8: Essentials of successful marriage

1-Faith (Iman)

The most essential attribute of a Muslim

marriage is the common faith that binds the

couple.

Since Islam is a way of life and not just a

religion confined to weekly worship it becomes

an integral part of a Muslim's life.

The religious frame of reference shared by

the couple creates an ease of communication

This helps in sharing of values that is not

possible in an interfaith marriage.

Page 9: Essentials of successful marriage

Faith

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said that when a

husband feeds his wife, he gets a reward

for this act and Allah increases the bond of

love between them.

So when we love each other for the sake of

Allah (SWT) we actually increase our faith.

It is highly recommended that faith

play an important role in developing

a loving relationship.

Page 10: Essentials of successful marriage

2-Forbearance (Sabr)

Sabr is necessary tool to have in managing ahealthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactiveframe of mind It brings us closer to Allah (SWT) through tawakkuland reliance. We develop an inner mechanism that empowers usto handle life's difficult moments. As Allah states in surah Al-Asr :

"Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believeand do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth andcounsel each other to patience [sabr]."

Page 11: Essentials of successful marriage

3-Friendship With Your Spouse

We should develop a friendship with our

spouses.

The relationship based on friendship is strong

enough to withstand outside pressures.

We must honor, trust, respect, accept and

care for our friends, in spite of our differences.

Page 12: Essentials of successful marriage

Friends with mutual respect

Shariah has placed the husband in a

leadership role within his family and this

requires a certain mutual respect & decorum.

Husband is not a dictator, but a shepherd who

is responsible to and for his flock.

This is a position of grave responsibility and

places an enormous burden on the husband.

Furthermore, the children need to see their

parents as friends who respect each other.

Page 13: Essentials of successful marriage

4-Friendship With In-Laws

We should have friendly relations with in-

laws.

When couples compete as to whose parents

are more important it becomes a constant

source of grief.

Much valuable time is wasted trying to

convince one another of whose parents are

most desirable.

It is better if we accept that our spouses will

not fall in love with our parents overnight just

because we want them to.

As long as they maintain relationships that

are cordial and based on mutual respect, we

should not force the issue.

Page 14: Essentials of successful marriage

5-Choosing-Friends

It is ok to have individual friends of the same gender

Couples must also make an effort to have family friends so that they can socialize together.

If there is friction being caused by a certain friendship it must not be pursued at the expense of the marriage.

Prophet Mohammad (SAW) advised us to choose God-fearing people as friends, since we tend to follow their way.

Friends should be a source of joy and not mischief.

Page 15: Essentials of successful marriage

6-Fun

Couples that do not laugh together have to

work on sharing some fun times.

The Prophet was known to play with his

wives.

A simple walk in the park can add much spark

to the relationship.

Taking up a sport together

Watching appropriate funny movies is another

way of sharing a laugh.

Page 16: Essentials of successful marriage

7-Financial-Plan

One of the most common points of contention inmarriages is money. Experts tell us that 80% of marital conflicts areabout money. Couple put serious time and effort in developing afinancial management plan that is mutuallyagreeable and is reviewed every six months or so. Preparing a budget together is also a helpful andwise way to handling household finances. It should be remembered that the wife's money inIslam is hers to do with as she pleases and thereforeshould not be considered family income unless shechooses to contribute it to the family.

Page 17: Essentials of successful marriage

8-Respect &

Priority For Family

Parenting can be a stressful experience if theparents are not well informed. This in turn canput extra pressure on the marriage. Sometimes couples are naive about thechanges that come in lifestyle. This can causedepression in some cases, and resentment andmisunderstanding in others. One golden rule that must always be theguide is "family comes first." Whenever there isevidence that the family is not happy or not ourfirst priority, it is time to assemble at thekitchen table and discuss the situation withopen hearts and open minds.

Page 18: Essentials of successful marriage

Respect For Family

Couples who have elderly parents have an

added responsibility to take care of them; this

can also be very stressful if the couple is not

prepared. A care plan must be worked out with

respective siblings and parents as to who will be

the primary care giver and what type of support

network they will have.

In case of mental incompetence a power of

attorney must be in place. The making of a will

is essential.

Page 19: Essentials of successful marriage

9-Freedom

Marriage in Islam is a partnership and not

bondage or slavery. To consider the wife as

one's property is alien to the Islamic concept

of husband and wife.

The team spirit is enhanced and not curtailed

when members of the team are free to be

themselves.

Freedom in the common secular sense is to

be free to do as one pleases, or even to be

selfish. But what is meant by allowing

freedom to one's spouse is to be considerate

of her needs and to recognize her limitations

Page 20: Essentials of successful marriage

10-Plan For The Future

Smart couples plan for their future together.

They work on their financial and retirement

plans.

They make wills and discuss these plans with

their children.

This provides peace of mind and secures the

relationship.

Page 21: Essentials of successful marriage

11-Fulfillment

To be all one can be to one's spouse is a very

fulfilling and rewarding experience.

To be in love means to give one's all.

The heart does not put conditions or make

stipulations; it gives without expecting

anything in return, but such selfless giving is

always rewarded ten-fold.

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Page 23: Essentials of successful marriage