Personal Narrative:

Created by: Mrs. Burns

Writing the Introduction: Hooks and Leads

Sample introduction taken from “Conquering Your Fears” by Lindi M.

Everyone, well almost everyone, I’ve ever known has thoughts of their years in elementary school as their favorites. I, on the other hand, do not feel so fondly about elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

Everyone, well almost everyone, I’ve every known has thoughts of their years in elementary school as their favorites.

DOES THIS SENTENCE HOOK YOU?

Your opening sentence should….

HOOK your reader.

Everyone, well almost everyone, I’ve ever known has thoughts of their years in elementary school as their favorites. I, on the other hand, do not feel so fondly about elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

Buzzing whispers as the teacher passes out party treat bags, glitter falls from our table during our morning craft, and laughter echoes throughout the room as Billy presents his pop belly pig during “Show and Tell”. These happy memories probably do fit someone’s elementary years. I, on the other hand, do not feel so fondly about elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

No catch I’m hooked…

Hooking your reader is an important part of your introduction….

Ways to hook your reader: Use a line from a song that

connects to your memory. Paint a picture with words that captures

the mood. Start out by quoting what someone

said that captures the mood of your memory.

Ask a question.

Use a line from a song or a well known piece of literature that connects to your memory.

You could only use part of a song to “hook” your reader if you can think of one that naturally fits.

“So afraid of what people might say, But that’s only because your human, So afraid of what people might say, But that’s okay soon you’ll get strong enough…” These familiar lines to the song, “Fear” seem to be a theme to my elementary years. Some might smile when thinking back to those days, but I do not feel so fondly about elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

Paint a picture with words that captures the mood.

Buzzing whispers as the teacher passes out party treat bags, glitter falls from our table during our morning craft, and laughter echoes throughout the room as Billy presents his pop belly pig during “Show and Tell”. These happy memories probably do fit someone’s elementary years. I, on the other hand, do not feel so fondly about elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

Start out by quoting what someone said that captures the mood of your memory.

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but your daughter’s condition is getting worse…” This single sentence was spoken to my parents and I by a complete stranger in a cold, unfamiliar place, but its power still lingers in my mind. Everyone, well almost everyone, I’ve ever known has thoughts of their years in elementary school as their favorites. I, on the other hand, do not feel so fondly about elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

Ask a question.

Do you ever wish that an eraser could make the painful parts of life disappear the way that it makes mistakes disappear on paper? Everyone, well almost everyone, I’ve ever known has thoughts of their years in elementary school as their favorites. I, on the other hand, am still searching for “life’s eraser” to undo my not so fond memories about elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

THE REST OF THE INTRODUCTION…

The introductory paragraph The purpose of the introduction is to

provide background information.

Suggestions include:› Describe the weather› Discuss what you and the most important

other people were doing BEFORE the main emotional-filled moment happen

› End the paragraph with a sentence that leads into the most-intense seconds/ moment that you will discuss in detail in your body.

The introductory paragraph

› Describe the weather or something to do with the the setting “I’m sorry to tell you this, but your daughter’s

condition is getting worse…” This single sentence was spoken to my parents and I by a complete stranger in a cold, unfamiliar place, but its power still lingers in my mind. Everyone, well almost everyone, I’ve ever known has thoughts of their years in elementary school as their favorites. I, on the other hand, do not feel so fondly about elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

The introductory paragraph› Discuss what you and the most important other

people were doing BEFORE the main emotional-filled moment happen “I’m sorry to tell you this, but your daughter’s

condition is getting worse…” This single sentence was spoken to my parents and I by a complete stranger in a cold, unfamiliar place, but its power still lingers in my mind. Only moments earlier, my parents and I had been hysterically laughing at the punch line of my comedian sister’s latest joke. Everyone, well almost everyone, I’ve ever known has thoughts of their years in elementary school as their favorites. I, on the other hand, do not feel so fondly about elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

The introductory paragraph› End the paragraph with a sentence that

leads into the most-intense seconds/ moment that you will discuss in detail in your body. Th“I’m sorry to tell you this, but your daughter’s

condition is getting worse…” is single sentence was spoken to my parents and I by a complete stranger in a cold, unfamiliar place, but its power still lingers in my mind. Only moments earlier, my parents and I had been hysterically laughing at the punch line of my comedian sister’s latest joke. This memory quickly shows that while everyone I’ve ever known has thoughts of their years in elementary school as their favorites. I, on the other hand, do not feel so fondly about my elementary school, especially third grade. That was a year I will never forget.

Describe the weather …

“It was a hot summer day.” “It was a beautiful August morning. The

sun was brightly shining on my sunglasses while my mother drove the U-Haul truck to a warehouse in Santa Ana, California. “

CAN YOU USE IRONY TO MAKE THE DAY SEEM LIKE NOTHING SPECIAL IF YOU ARE LEADING INTO A HAPPY MEMORY OR VICE VERSA?

Discuss what you were doing before the main moment of time happened…

“My dad and I were getting ready to out for a ride on the boat with my friend, Katie, and the dog.”

TRY TO BUILD SOME DETAILS ABOUT YOUR SETTING INTO THIS DISCUSSION OF THE PRESENT CHARACTERS, IF POSSIBLE.

Lead into the “moment”.

“That’s when the phone call came, the call that made that bright, beautiful day a cold, dark, gloomy one.”

As my mother drove down the streets of Santa Ana, I looked out the window and began to realize that the mixture of people was no longer a mixture: there was only white.”

• IF YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT A SCARY MOMENT, YOU MIGHT LEAD IN WITH YOUR ANXIETY…

• IF YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT A SAD MEMORY, TRY TO BUILD SUSPENSE…

• IF YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT A HAPPY TIME, FOCUS ON LEADING INTO THE EXCITEMENT.

Writing the body paragraphs:

Does your reader know everything that is required for them to “understand” the memory?› This is the place to add in background

information if it is needed. NOT everyone will have background

information.

THE BODY….

Telling your first “event”

Your personal narrative will not cover an entire day, but it can be broken up into several events that show “small” sections of your memory at a time.

These events should be filled with details, thoughts, and feelings that help your reader to feel like they are there experiencing your memory with you.

You have listed 5 events on your graphic organizer…

1. Mom was reaching for the cooking oil.2. Mom got distracted by a telephone

call and the oil sat on the stove too long.

3. I pointed out to Mom that the pan was on fire.

4. I helped Mom get a blanket to smother the fire.

5. We had to clean up the mess.

Event 1: Mom was reaching for the cooking oil.

My mom and I were in the kitchen, enjoying our time together when she decided that it was time to start dinner. She removed a frying pan from the kitchen cabinet, turned the stove’s temperature dial to high, and reached for the nearby bottle of cooking oil. I joked, “Mom, why don’t we just order a pizza instead?”

Event 2: Mom got distracted by a telephone call and the oil sat on the stove too long.

Before Mom could answer my half-serious, half-joking question, the nearby telephone filled the room with a jingle. Mom rushed off to answer. She wasn’t expecting a call and an unexpected ring always seemed to cause her to jitter. After my mom walked into the other room, I knew that it would be a minute, so I wondered off to stare out the window: two squirrels were busy stockpiling acorns for the winter. My mom’s frantic yell quickly jerked me back to reality, “Ethan! Help! Grab a blanket. Quick!”

Conclusion Paragraph

Include reflection in your story

Reflection tells why the story is important Reflection reveals what you and the other

people in the story learned from the experience

Reflection indicates why the story is memorable

This is what makes your writing more mature!

Use reflection throughout your story, but especially at the end (as a conclusion)

Concluding Paragraph

Can have two functions:1. The moral of the story, or what the

character(s) learned from the experience.

2. Make a prediction about what will happen next based on what happened.

Example: “The Racist Warehouse”http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/ws2k-gvnglife.htm

That was my first encounter with racism. It was just a small slice of reality—that everyone isn’t going to be as nice as you, your friends, and your family might be; and that just because you look nice and politely smile at others, it doesn’t mean that others will treat you the same. This situation made me feel very out of place and confused. I didn’t expect those people to react as they did. We are all civilized, intelligent, caring, peaceful people . . . or at least that is what I had believed.

Example: “Giving Life” http://www.thewritesource.com/studentmodels/ws2k-racism.htm

When Suzie and I first started calling one another, I thought it would be more of a burden on me, but I was completely wrong. I learned so much from her. She gave me more than I could ever give to her. I will never forget her or the talks we had. I now know that I must never take anything for granted, especially my health and the gift of life.

Before you write your conclusion, ask yourself these two questions:

What is the significance or the importance of this experience?

In what way have you changed because you experienced this?

What lesson did you learn from this experience?