Exercise 28

No.1

(Worse) The message is received by the user that subscription to the on-line service must be made by the account holder.

(Better) The user receives the message that the account holder must subscribe to the on-line service.

No.2

(Worse) Confirmation of the data accuracy is required by the quality engineer so that customer satisfaction is ensured.

(Better) the quality engineer must confirm the data accuracy to ensure customer satisfaction.

No.3

(Worse) The production manager receives information from headquarters that evaluation of the finished products must be made by the quality inspector.

(Better) Headquarters informs the production manager that the quality inspector must evaluate the finished products.

No.4

(Worse) Adjustment of the parameters is unnecessary by the control engineer.

(Better) The control engineer does not need to adjust the parameters.

No.5

(Worse) A significant decline in the investment return occurred.

(Better) The investment return significantly declined.

No.6

(Worse) Significant enhancement of conventional procedures by the proposed scheme is possible through the close monitoring of current conditions.

(Better) the proposed scheme can significantly enhance conventional procedures by closely monitoring current conditions.

No.7

(Worse) The investigator made the suggestion that there is a close relation between the two conditions.

(Better) The investigator suggested that the two conditions are closely related.

No.8

(Worse) The committee came to the conclusion that it is crucial to perform an on-line assessment.

(Better) The committee concluded that an on-line assessment must be performed.

No.9

(Worse) There is a necessity for a compromise on the proposal by both parties.

(Better) Both parties must compromise on the proposal.

No.10

(Worse) There is no need for implementation of the environmental awareness program to be the sole responsibility of the organizing committee.

(Better) the organizing committee does not need to be the solely responsible for implementing the environmental awareness program.

No.11

(Worse) The committee is in a position to make sure that the program is capable of being promulgated successfully.

(Better) The committee can make sure that the program can be promulgated successfully.

No.12

(Worse) It is our opinion that the current system is deficient of an initial prototype.

(Better) We believe that the current system lacks a prototype.