How does the Supreme Court ruling

affect us as a gay couple?

In short, gay marriage is now legal throughout the U.S.. Married

same sex couples can receive the same rights and benefits as

married heterosexual couples.

As an LGBT couple, the process of getting married is essentially

the same as what a straight couple would go through.

The process and documentation required to get married varies

on a state-by-state basis. Couples should check with their local

courthouse or a wedding professional to learn what they’ll need

to do in order to tie the knot in their area.

Some of the long-standing traditions inherent to

heterosexual weddings regarding attire, vows, and

procession may not apply to LGBT weddings. How should

engaged LGBT couples think about these components of a

wedding?

When it comes down to it, couples should do what they

want to do and not feel tied to a tradition.

Lindsay Parrott-Masiewicz, owner of P3 Events notes, “...I

believe many couples think they have to do the typical

wedding traditions, but I always stress, this is for you and

you only. Do what you want to do and if that is forgetting

tradition, who cares?”

When it comes to choosing who to walk down the aisle with, Emanuela

Giangreco of Venice Gay Weddings explains, “I personally recommend

that they follow their hearts. Always. All the brides and the grooms

should walk down the aisle with their most beloved person.”

Reverend Tanya K. Young of Outer Banks Wedding Ceremony has

found that, “...LGBT couples often choose to walk in together - rather

than being ‘given away’ by their father or mother.”

She continues, “As for the order of the wedding party, in a

straight wedding there are traditional sides for the groomsmen

and the bridesmaids to stand on. LGBT couples are choosing to

alter this with mixed genders on both sides and new labels of

Best Woman, Man of Honor and others. Also, in the seating of

the guests, they seem to prefer that there be no designated sides

for the families - guests just sit where they wish.”

When it comes to choosing who to walk down the aisle with,

Emanuela Giangreco of Venice Gay Weddings explains, “I

personally recommend that they follow their hearts. Always.

All the brides and the grooms should walk down the aisle

with their most beloved person.”

Reverend Tanya K. Young has found that, “...LGBT couples

often choose to walk in together - rather than being

‘given away’ by their father or mother.”

She continues, “As for the order of the wedding

party, in a straight wedding there are traditional

sides for the groomsmen and the bridesmaids to

stand on. LGBT couples are choosing to alter this

with mixed genders on both sides and new

labels of Best Woman, Man of Honor and

others. Also, in the seating of the guests, they

seem to prefer that there be no designated

sides for the families - guests just sit where they

wish.”

In terms of clothing, Andrew Jackson of UK Gay

Wedding Planner sees that “often grooms will

perhaps wear different suits but then the same

colour/patterned tie, or the same buttonhole.

Brides – generally one bride will wear the

‘traditional’ white dress whilst the other wears a

trouser suit.”

When it comes to the procession, Carolyn O'Brien from

Creative Celebrations has seen a range of approaches

including the couple being escorted down the aisle one after

another, one person standing at the front of the room and

the other being escorted, and even the couple following

their teenage daughters down the aisle.

“The garter and bouquet tosses can be done creatively as

well,” notes Carolyn. “I had one bride toss the bouquet and

the other toss the garter that she took off her bride’s leg.

Why not have two bouquet tosses or two garter tosses?

This is the beauty of LGBT weddings! I am planning them

anyway the couple wants them and able to forgo what has

traditionally been done.”

There are also different traditions that

influence how heterosexual couples pay for

wedding costs. How should LGBT couples

think about this when planning their

weddings?

Again, rather than trying to ascribe to a

tradition, it’s best to do what makes the

most sense for the couple.

Victoria Thanoukos of Kensington Florals and Events

recommends that “all couples should be conscious of

budget as well as how they want their day to transpire.

They should ask themselves what is most important, [be] it

the venue, floral, lighting, décor, food, entertainment,

music, etc. and begin to prioritize from there.”

Similarly, Shanie McCowen of Rainbow Bells suggests

that couples “make a list of ‘must haves’ and a ‘wish

list,’” to help with planning their vision.

Any tips on finding the right vendors?

Life Cycle Celebrant’s Mila Martin advises checking

“out your vendors to be sure they are LGBTQ

friendly.”

To do so, Rev. Young recommends checking to

“...see if their website is inclusive - not referring

to bride and groom, but rather - ‘couples.’ Also

see if they are featuring same-sex photography

on their website...If possible, meet with your

vendors prior to the wedding just to make sure

they have a connection to the LGBT community

and can talk openly about it.”

Is there any protection against discrimination

from wedding vendors?

As of August 2015, there is no federal legislation that

protects LGBT couples against discrimination from

vendors. This is left up to the local and state level and

varies widely on protection and enforcement.

Art Leonard, Professor of Law at the New York Law School,

notes that “...in jurisdictions that outlaw discrimination by

businesses based on sexual orientation, enforcement

agencies and courts have ruled that businesses do not have

a right to refuse to provide goods and services to same sex

couples because the owner of the business has religious

objections to the wedding.”

Leonard continues, ”...religious wedding

celebrants and places of worship are NOT

legally required to make their facilities and

services available for same-sex weddings if their

religion does not support such ceremonies, so

those planning weddings who want a religious

component in their ceremony or want to hold it

in a religious space should do their research to

be sure that the celebrants and institutions they

approach are welcoming for this purpose.”

“… litigation is ongoing in Texas and Kentucky

and Alabama about the refusal of some clerks to

issue marriage licenses. This is an unresolved

matter. Couples planning weddings who want

to avoid confrontational scenes when they go to

apply for their licenses should probably do a

little research to be sure that the office in their

jurisdiction is not one of those that is refusing to

issue licenses,” says Leonard. “My

recommendation is to do online research about

the marriage license process in the relevant

jurisdiction.“

Is the process of divorce any different for gay

couples?

In light of the Supreme Court ruling, not any more. Before

this decision, states that didn’t recognize gay marriage

would not recognize appeals for divorce either.

Additional tips and advice:

“Just have fun and don't stress too much

about the details! It doesn't have to be

perfect and you don't have to make everyone

else happy. Embrace the wedding planning

process and hire someone with experience to

help (if it is in your budget), follow your heart,

and enjoy the celebration of your

commitment to each other!” - Renate

Daversa, Seaside Wedding San Diego

“Make every aspect of your wedding unique.

Make it show exactly who you both are

individually and as a couple. Whether it is a

huge affair or an intimate gathering, this is

such an important moment and when looking

back all you are going to remember is the fun,

laughs and memories. So make sure

everything you have planned are things you

can enjoy in the moment.” - Lindsay Parrott-

Masiewicz, P3 Events

“One of the most common mistakes couples

make is that they can lose focus as to what

their big day is all about. They can become

side-tracked by the perceived need to

entertain their guests throughout the whole

day instead of concentrating on the key

reason for their wedding – being in love and

sharing that special day with their friends

and family.” - Andrew Jackson of UK Gay

Wedding Planner

Thanks to everybody who contributed to this piece:

Lindsay Parrott-Masiewicz - p3events.com

Emanuela Giangreco - venicegaywedding.com

Rev. Tanya K. Young - www.outerbanksweddingminister.com

Andrew Jackson - www.ukgayweddingplanner.co.uk

Carolyn O'Brien - www.creativecelebrationz.com

Victoria Thanoukos - www.kensingtonevents.com

Shanie McCowen - www.rainbowbells.com

Mila Martin - www.yourceremonyyourway.com

Renate Daversa - www.seasidebeachwedding.com

For additional commentary from those that participated, please visit

www.ourbigdaynyc.com/q-and-a

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