Family Collage

The Communication Patterns of the Leo Family

Stephanie Leo Grimason Communication in the Family

April 10, 2011

Daughter to Mother

Communication with my mother is full of guilt. It has always been her way of having some form of control over me. Whether I am expressing a concern or sharing good news, she always reminds me of the tough spot that she is in. When I was younger, she would make me feel guilty for doing well in school or being involved in something that did not include the rest of the family. As I have gotten older, I have had to learn that her comments are a representation of how she is feeling and not of myself or how I should feel.

Destructive Conflict

Growing up there was a lot of conflict within my family. My mother and I had overt conflict. Her comments came fast, furious and hard. There were many times that I did not know what I had done to cause such conflict. Now that I am older, the conflict between us is much more covert. Guilt and avoidance have replaced the cruel words and instead of communicating, my mother will now avoid contacting me if she is upset about something.

Daughter to Father

Communication with my father has become very confusing. Due to a childhood filled with violence, abuse and yelling, I spent many years estranged from my father. After having my own children, I realized that it was easier to be okay with him rather than spend the rest of my life hating him. I am still confused by our conversations and a little timid each time that we talk.

Communication and Specific Crises

Alcoholism runs in my family and unfortunately something that my dad has. It affected our family and the way that we communicated with each other. Every Friday, it was understood that my dad would be drunk and the rest of us changed how we approached him. There was no talk of anything serious, in fact we tried to keep the mood light so that we did not anger him.

Sister to Brother

Growing up, my younger brother and I were very close. In recent years our communication is tense and limited. I have become fed up with trying to have meaningful conversations with him and this has resulted in us now having no communication.

Family Stages and Life Course

My younger brother is in jail. The only communication that he has with me has been through letters that he has written. I no longer communicate with him after too many times of him returning to jail after being out for about a week each time. I have a need to protect my family and feel that I am putting them in danger by having my brother in my and their lifes. He has stopped writing and I have no plans of communicating with him until he gets his life back in order.

Father and Brother

When it comes to my father and brother’s communication, there is a lot of frustration. My father feels as if he is a broken record and that my brother does not care about what he is saying. My brother feels frustration that my father is trying to give him advice when he has not been there for him in the past. They no longer have a good relationship and it is due to so much trouble in their communication with each other.

Mother and Brother

Communication between my mother and my brother is also very strained. My mother feels responsible for the way that my brother’s life has ended up and so she is constantly trying to help him and be there for him. He feels like she is telling him what to do and has stopped listening.

Mother and Father

My childhood with my parents was filled with arguing constantly. Looking back, I have realized that my parents did not know how to communicate effectively with each other. To get a point across to one another, they yelled because that was the only way that they thought the other person would really hear them.

Communication and Family Conflict

The communication within my family of origin was abusive and very non-productive. The conflict was both covert and overt. My parents would poke fun at my brother and I at our expense, which was very hurtful. The overt conflict was even worse though, because it usually led to abuse, both physically and mentally. Not a day went by when there was not conflict within our home which made for a tough time.

I am very lucky to have my husband who was able to help teach me how to communicate effectively. It I started to yell, he would walk away letting me know that we were not going to have any disrespect or abusive behavior in our relationship. It has taken many years to relearn how a mature, loving relationship is supposed to be, but it is well worth it. I am very determined that my children will grow up learning how important it is to communicate well with each other.