movingconstellations

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FamilyConstellations:IncredibleChangeMomentsinTherapy

AndreaF.StuckPh.D.LISW

IremembersoclearlythedaythreeyearsagothatDavidwalkedintomyoffice.Youngandhandsome,agraduateofColumbiaLaw,hehadn’tevenhit40yet,butwasalreadywellknowninthecommunityasanengagingandsuccessfullawyer.Heappearedcomposedandassured,butthefaçadecrumbledquicklyduringtheveryfirstsession.Underhispolishedexteriorlayananxiousanddepressedyoungman–acocaineaddictstillreelingfromafailedmarriage–irritable,confusedandfullofdespair.

“IguessI’maslavetothepast,”hesaid,ashedescribedhisyearsgrowingupina“wildandcrazy”family.“I’vealreadybeenintherapyfor18years.”

Afterlisteningtohimforseveralweeks,IconcludedthataseriesoftraditionaltherapieshadenabledDavidtocasthismotherasanoppressorandhimselfasavictim.Andindeedhedidseemtrappedinthisconfiguration–andnowonder.Afternearlytwodecades,hewasnoclosertounderstandingorresolvingtheissuesheidentifiedasthesourceofhisproblemsthanwhenhestarted.Hewasstuck–andIfoundmyselfabitdistractedbyworriesthatwemightbeheadedformoreofthesame.

Thesituationmaysoundextreme,butreally,haven’tweallbeenthere–inthatdarkandfrustratingvoidwhereyouandyourclientaresimplyatanimpasse?Sure,therapeutically,itmightbehelpfultosimplyacknowledgewhat’sgoingonandtakestockoftheterritory–noharminthat,andmaybegreatgain.ButIgottheimpressionthatsuchexplorationmightnotbeabletosparkthekindofinsightandpunchthatDavidneededtostarthimdownanotherpath.That’swhenIdecidedthathe,likeagrowingnumberofclientsinmypractice,mightbenefitfromanemergingnewapproachtofamilysystemsthatIhadlearnedinEuropeseveralyearsearlier.

I’mtalkingaboutFamilyConstellations–alsoknownasOrdersofLove–conceivedbyBertHellinger,aformerCatholicpriestwhodevelopedtheapproachthroughdecadesofstudyinhisnativeGermany.WidelypracticedandacceptedinEuropefordecades,FamilyConstellationsisjustnowbeginningtogaincurrencyinsomepartsoftheU.S.

IfirstobservedFamilyConstellationsinactionaftermeetingJudithHemming,oneofHellinger’sfirstdisciples,whoattendedaworkshopIwasconductinginBristol,England,ontheuseofEMDRwithnegativeintrojects.Aftertheworkshop,JudithinvitedmetoLondontoobserveaconstellation.Nothinginmytrainingandpracticehadpreparedmefortheimpactofthatexperience.Overandoveragain,Iwitnessedpowerful,deeplyfelttransformationsamongJudith’sclients.Iwantedthatformyclientstoo.IwassotakenwiththeworkthatIlaterwenttoGermanytomeetHellingerhimselfandtoattendoneofhisseminars.I’vespentnearlytenyearsnowstudyingthemethodandhoningmyskillasaconstellatorandIremainmoreconvincedthaneverthatthismethod

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offersmany,manypeopleasenseofimmediatereliefandresolutiontoavarietyofproblems.

Inaway,it’snosurprise.First,althoughFamilyConstellationsisnovel,itdrawsupontherapeuticsystemsmanyofusarealreadyfamiliarwith:Gestalt,FamilySculpting,PrimalTherapyandTransactionalAnalysis,amongothers.Hellinger,however–ageniusatsynthesizingseeminglyincongruoustraditions–alsoincorporateselementsfromobservationshemadewhileservingZulutribesinAfrica–practicesreflectingvaluesmostsocietiesholddear:loveandrespect,ritualsofgivingandreceiving,loyaltytosharedhistory,waysofbelongingtofamiliesandgroups,andrespectforthenaturalorderlinessofbirth,lifeanddeath.ItwasamongtheZuluthatHellingerwitnessedthepowerofancestry,therelationshipbetweenthelivingandthedeadandtheinfluenceoftrans-generationalrespect,loyaltyandmemory.Hebelievedtheseritualsandtraditionsweresimilartostructuresinfamilysystemseverywhere,abeliefthatwouldlaterbecomeatenetofFamilyConstellations.Second,participationinaFamilyConstellationisinvitational,non-judgmentalandhighlyexperiential.Itsphysicalandphenomenologicalpracticesenableclientstoliterally“see”thecomplexdynamicsoftheirfamilyhistoryandtophysicallyandemotionallyexperiencetheprocessofrightingwrongs.Noothertraditionoffersthis,althoughsomemightfeelSatir’sFamilySculptingcomesclose.

Hellingerspent25yearsinAfrica,buteventuallyleftthepriesthoodtoreturntoEuropetofurtherrefinehisthinkingandobservations.Hecametobelievethatsharedritualsandprinciplesthatsupportpositiverelationshipswere,simplyput,“orders”oflove,andthatinfollowingthese“orders,”familieswouldthrive.Butitwasonlyaftermanymoreyears’studyofotherinterventionsthathewasabletodefineamethodologythatbroughtFamilyConstellationtolife.

Simplystated,theOrdersofLoveareaxioms,that,wheninplaceandacknowledgedbyallmembersofafamily,enablethefreeandevenexchangeoflove,respect,compassionandhumilityacrossgenerations.Peopleexperienceproblemswhentheorderlyflowof

FamilyConstellations,OrdersofLove:BasicPrinciples

• Everyone–livingordead–belongs;everyonehasarightfulplaceintheirfamily.

• Thefamilyhasasharedconsciousness.• Givingandtakingneedstobalanceoutovertime.• Solutionstoproblemsarisewhenrespect,inclusionandreconciliationarepresent

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loveandrespectisdisrupted,blockedorimbalanced.Solutionsarisewhentheimpedimentsareidentifiedandreconciled.

HowConstellationsWork

Therearefourstagestotheprocess.First,thetherapist(orconstellator)convenesagroupofpeoplewhoareinterestedinparticipating.Then,withanywherefromtento20peoplegathered,aparticipantwhodesirestoaddressaparticularproblemidentifieshim-orherselfandcomestositbytheconstellator.Thiscreatesthesceneforthesecondstage,theinterview.

Thepurposeoftheinterview–conductedbytheconstellator–istoelicitfromtheclientwhatheorshehaslongedforinlifebuthasnotbeenabletoachieve,andtotransformthatlongingintoavisionofwhatlifewouldbelikeifthatgoalwereachieved.Constellationscanaddressvirtuallyanyissuethattherapistsdealwith:alcoholism,druguse,violence,incest,rape,depression,headaches,unusualdeaths,thefeelingofwantingtodieandnotunderstandingwhy,anxiety,eatingdisorders,wantingtheloveofaparent,theeffectofabortionormiscarriage,andsoon.Asecondgoaloftheinterviewistoidentifywhoconstitutestheclient’sfamilyandwhathappenedinthatfamily’shistory.Here,theworkdivergessignificantlyfrommanyotherinterventions.Theconstellatorjoinswithandisincontactwiththeclient,butdoesnotbecomeempathic,asthattendstodrawthefacilitatorintothesystem.Constellatorsneedtoknowfacts-whobelongs,whathappenedandwhowasleftoutorexcluded.Judgmentalstatementssuchas“Mymotherwasruthlessanduncaring”aredistracting.Wewanttoknowwhathappenedtothemother.

Thethirdstageiscreationoftheconstellation.Here,theclientpickspeoplefromthecircletorepresentmembersofthefamilysystem.It’sagoodideatobegintheconstellationwithasfewpeopleaspossible,justtokeepitsimple–otherscanbeaddedifnecessary.AsinFamilySculpting,theclientplacesthemwithinthecircle,silentlyandgentlyguidingthemfrombehind,movingthemintoplace.UnlikeSatir,thereisnosculptingofthearmsortellingpeoplehowtoact.Representativessimplystandinthefieldofthefamilysystemathand.Theresultingtableau,orconstellation,isfullofinformation.Thedistance,orientationanddemeanoroftheparticipantsoffercluestotheclient’sdilemma.ForGestalttherapists,thisfirstlookatthespacesinwhichpeopleareplacedisthe“fixedGestalt”whichinhibitsorblockstheclient’slonging.Itrevealshowtheclientcarriesthisissueandwhytheclientisstuckinit.InFamilyConstellationtheory,itrevealshowtheOrdersofLoveareoutofalignment.It’sthefourthstage,wheretheconstellationbeginstorevealthefamilysystemthatparticipantsusuallyfindmostastonishing.Astheclienttakesaseattowatch,andwithout

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prompting,theparticipantsinthecirclebegintobehave,moveandsoundliketheclient’sactualfamilymembers.How?Howcanthishappen?Scientifically,noonereallyknows.Davidrecalls,“itfeltlikemagic,”(admittedlynotthekindofendorsementwemightseekout)buttherearetheoriesthatattempttomakemeaningofwhatdoes,indeed,takesplace.Hellingerbelievesitmaybetheresultoftappingintoancestralenergiesthatcanbesummonedatanytime.InJungianterms,itmightbeconstruedasthepowerofthecollectiveunconscious.RupertSheldraketalksofthepowerofthemorphogenicfield–thereverberationsofknowledgethroughtimeandspace.Isupposeanyonewithaliterarybentwouldprobablyhavetoinvokethe“willingsuspensionofdisbelief,”andscientistsmightrecallSidHarris’scartoonoftheprofessorsstandinginfrontofablackboardfilledwithequations–themiddleonebeing,“thenamiraclehappens.”Whateverthereason,theconstellationtrulydoescomestolifeatthisjuncture,revealingthecurrentstateoftheclient’smeaning-making,theimpedimentstotheOrdersofLove,andapathwaytopossibleresolution.This,inturn,opensthedoortothelaststage,theprocessofreleaseandresolution.Duringthislastphase,theconstellatorbeginstoreleasethesystem’sinhibitionsandblocksthrougharitualistic-likeexchangeofstatementsamongvariousmembersthatreflectandreconstituteproperrelationshipsasdefinedbytheOrdersofLove.Asthestatementsareexchangedandfelt,theconstellatorgraduallyrearrangesthefamilymembersintoproperalignment.Whenthefamilyiscompletelyrefigured,theclientisabletoseehowloveandrespectcanflowmorereadily.Thisimage,andtheunderstandingofwhatitmeans,isthesourceofreliefandchange.WhichbringsmebacktoDavid,whoIintroducedyoutoatthebeginningofthisarticle:ItwascleartomethatwithinthecontextofFamilyConstellations,thereweremanyinstanceswherehisfamilymembershadviolatedtheOrdersofLove.Davidagreedtotakepartinaconstellation,andthroughthreesessionsoverseveralmonths,hebegantofindhisproperplaceinthefamilysystem.Hecametoknowandtorespecthisheritage.Hediscoveredtherealidentifyofhisfather.Andhefinallyunderstoodthathismother’sownimbalanceandherfateheldnomalicetowardhim.Wehaven’tsaidgoodbyetoeachotheryet,butIfeelthetimeiscomingsoonwhenwewill.Askedtorecollectabouthisexperiencewiththeconstellations,hesaid,“IknowI’maworkinprogress.Theconstellationsshookmeup.TheyshowedmeinareallyvisceralwaythatIdon’thavetoconstantlyrelivethetraumasofmypastandtomoveonwithmylife.TodayIammoreaccepting,moreabletolooktothefuture,lesslikelytowallowinmypast.Theanxietyisbetter.Nokidsyet,butyeah,I’vegottheradargoing.”FamilyConstellationshadhelpedhimbecome“unstuck.”

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FormoreonFamilyConstellations,see:

www.hellinger.comwww.movingconstellations.comwww.nowherefoundation.orgwww.andystuck.com

AndyStuck,PhD,MSW,isalicensedindependentsocialworkerpracticinginColumbus,Ohio.ShefrequentlyusesOrdersofLovetohelpindividuals,businessesandschoolsystemsovercomeblockstosuccess.