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1

00:00:07,166 --> 00:00:10,135

Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes

in Greg's jacet!

"

00:00:10,"36 --> 00:00:1",#66

- Greg, $ere %ou smoing cigarettes&

- o, Dad!

3

00:00:1",57" --> 00:00:1#,#7"

(e's )%ing! *+ere's no dout aout t+at!

#

00:00:1#,57# --> 00:00:17,#1

Greg, I'm afraid %our .unis+ment

$i)) e four +ours in t+e snae.it!

5

00:00:1/,0## --> 00:00:"0,"7#

 *+at')) gie %ou time to t+in aout

$+at %ou did!

6

00:00:"0,37 --> 00:00:"1,573

Man

7

00:00:"","/1 --> 00:00:"3,"#/

 *+at')) teac+ +im!

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/

00:00:"3,3# --> 00:00:"6,07

 2an, I'm afraid %ou'e earned

a da% in t+e re c+amer!!!

00:00:"6,1/5 --> 00:00:"7,/#6

!!!for tatt)ing on %our rot+er!

10

00:00:","// --> 00:00:3",553

4moing! (o$ does

a o% )ie t+at go so $rong&

11

00:00:3",65/ --> 00:00:3#,/1

- *+e% )ie in a crumm% neig+or+ood!

- *+e rad%s&

1"

00:00:3#,"7 --> 00:00:3/,15/

 ea+! *+e% got roers, t+ugs,

drug dea)ers! ou name it!

13

00:00:3/,"6# --> 00:00:3,731

 ou fo)s $ant some .ancaes&

1#

00:00:3,/3" --> 00:00:#3,"6/

o, t+ans! 4ee, t+at's t+e $orst

$e got is 2emima's itnesses!

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15

00:00:##,003 --> 00:00:#6,5

8It seems toda% t+at a)) %ou see

16

00:00:#7,3#0 --> 00:00:50,571

8is io)ence in moies and se9 on *

17

00:00:50,676 --> 00:00:5#,077

8ut $+ere are t+ose good,

o)d-fas+ioned a)ues

1/

00:00:5#,1/0 --> 00:00:56,7#0

8on $+ic+ $e used to re)%&

1

00:00:57,516 --> 00:01:00,#/5

8;uc% t+ere's a fami)% gu%

"0

00:01:00,5/6 --> 00:01:03,71#

8;uc% t+ere's a man $+o'))

.ositie)% te)) %ou

"1

00:01:03,/"3 --> 00:01:05,55"

8a)) t+e t+ings t+at mae us

""

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00:01:05,65/ --> 00:01:07,1#/

8)aug+ 'n' cr%

"300:01:07,"60 --> 00:01:11,"#

8(e's a fami)% gu%8

"#

00:01:17,603 --> 00:01:"0,/3#

Mom, m% )i.s are too t+in!

00:01:"3,#0/

Meg, %ou don't need to c+ange

t+e $a% %ou )oo!

"6

00:01:"3,50 --> 00:01:"6,10

 ou no$, most of t+e $or)d's .ro)ems

stem from .oor se)f-image!

"7

00:01:36,#"" --> 00:01:3,#1#

=9ce))ent *+e mind-contro) deice

is nearing com.)etion

"/

00:01:3,5"5 --> 00:01:#1,/"3

4te$ie, I said no to%s at t+e ta)e!

"

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00:01:#1,"/ --> 00:01:#3,1""

Damn %ou, i)e $oman

3000:01:#3,"" --> 00:01:#6,56

 ou'e im.eded m% $or since t+e da%

I esca.ed from %our $retc+ed $om!

31

00:01:#6,6 --> 00:01:#,75

Don't .out, +one%! +en %ou $ere orn!!!

3"

00:01:#,/6 --> 00:01:53,#30

!!!t+e doctor said %ou $ere

t+e +a..iest )ooing a% +e'd eer seen!

33

00:01:53,53 --> 00:01:57,635

ut, of course! *+at $as m% ictor% da%!

 *+e fruition of m% dee.)%-)aid .)ans!!!

3#

00:01:57,7#3 --> 00:0":01,#1

!!!to esca.e from t+at cursed oarian

asti))e eturn t+e deice, $oman

35

00:0":0",0#/ --> 00:0":03,57"

o to%s, 4te$ie!

36

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00:0":03,6/3 --> 00:0":0#,650

er% $e)), t+en!

3700:0":0#,750 --> 00:0":0/,6/6

Mar m% $ords, $+en %ou )east e9.ect it,

%our u..ance $i)) come

3/

00:0":10,756 --> 00:0":1",1"1

Mom, can I turn t+e +eat u.&

3

00:0":1",""# --> 00:0":15,"/#

Don't touc+ t+e t+ermostat, Meg!

 our fat+er gets u.set!

#0

00:0":15,3# --> 00:0":17,3/5

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##

00:0":"",501 --> 00:0":"#,#01

 *e))s %ou $+en t+e ids mess $it+ t+e dia)!

#5

00:0":"#,503 --> 00:0":"6,#71

M% t+ing $ent o?

 our t+ermostat oa%&

#6

00:0":"6,57" --> 00:0":"/,#7"

- ea+, it's a)) rig+t!

- Is m% id oer +ere&

#7

00:0":"/,57# --> 00:0":",63"

@orget it @a)se a)arm

#/

00:0":30,30 --> 00:0":31,70

Ass a+o%!

#

00:0":3",07/ --> 00:0":35,570

Beter, it's 7:00 and %ou'e sti)) got

%our .ants on! +at's t+e occasion&

50

00:0":35,6/1 --> 00:0":37,"3

(e's going to a stag .art%!

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51

00:0":37,350 --> 00:0":#0,01"

;ois, I $or +ard a)) $ee

to .roide for t+is fami)%!

5"

00:0":#0,11 --> 00:0":#1,3#7

I am t+e man of t+e +ouse!

53

00:0":#1,#5# --> 00:0":##,651

As t+e man, I order %ou

to gie me .ermission to go to t+is .art%!

5#

00:0":##,757 --> 00:0":#/,3/6

;oo, at )east .romise me %ou $on't drin!

A)co+o) a)$a%s )eads to trou)e!

55

00:0":#/,7# --> 00:0":50,5"3

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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5/

00:0":57,03 --> 00:03:00,"35

!!!$it+ festering oi)s a)) oer +is od%!

5

00:03:00,33 --> 00:03:0",500

Man, I +ate it $+en +e te))s t+is stor%!

60

00:03:0",6#1 --> 00:03:06,/05

 et, miracu)ous)%,

 2o $as sti)) a)e to retain +is dignit%!

61

00:03:06,1" --> 00:03:10,"#5

- Is t+at rea))% t+e )ood of 00:03:16,/#

And t+en t+ere $as t+at time

at t+e ice cream store!

6#

00:03:17,"/ --> 00:03:1,5/7

utter um's m% faorite!

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65

00:03:"1,6# --> 00:03:"#,"5

ememer %ou +ad an Iris+ co?ee

t+e da% $e $ent to see B+i)ade).+ia&

66

00:03:30,736 --> 00:03:3#,"7

I got it! *+at's t+e gu% from ig!

 *om (ans, t+at's it!

67

00:03:3#,5#0 --> 00:03:37,#75

@unn% gu%, *om (ans!

=er%t+ing +e sa%s is a stitc+!

6/

00:03:37,576 --> 00:03:3/,/3/

I +ae AID4!

6

00:03:#0,67 --> 00:03:#",77

- Bromise me, Beter!

- ;ois, +one%, I .romise!

70

00:03:#3,0/" --> 00:03:#5,15

ot a dro. of a)co+o) is gonna touc+

t+ese )i.s tonig+t!

71

00:03:#6,01/ --> 00:03:#7,1/

+o $ants to .)a% Drin *+e eer&

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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7"

00:03:#/,0"0 --> 00:03:#,#1

ig+t +ere!

73

00:03:#,5"" --> 00:03:51,11#

- ou $in!

- A)) rig+t! +at do I $in&

7#

00:03:51,""3 --> 00:03:5","/1

Anot+er eer

75

00:03:5",31 --> 00:03:53,#

I'm going for t+e +ig+ score

76

00:03:5#,060 --> 00:03:56,"0

Actua))%, 00:0#:0",357

I fee) ind of ad, gu%s!

I .romised m% $ife I $ou)dn't drin!

7

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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00:0#:0",#6/ --> 00:0#:05,36

- Don't fee) ad, Beter!

- Gee! I neer t+oug+t of it )ie t+at!

/0

00:0#:05,60# --> 00:0#:06,/3"

Did %ou ring t+e .orno&

/1

00:0#:06,3 --> 00:0#:10,56/

Did I ring t+e .orno&

 ou're gonna )oe it! It's a c)assic!

/"

00:0#:11,"10 --> 00:0#:13,110

;isten, I)sa! If I tae t+is t+ing out!!!

/3

00:0#:13,"1" --> 00:0#:16,"0#

!!!and %ou're not on it, %ou')) regret it!

ot toda% or tomorro$!

/#

00:0#:16,315 --> 00:0#:1/,"/3

ut soon, and for t+e rest of %our )ife!

/5

00:0#:1/,3/# --> 00:0#:"0,0#5

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 *+e statue $as a gift from @rance!

/7

00:0#:"5,6"# --> 00:0#:"6,7/#+at is t+is&

//

00:0#:"6,/" --> 00:0#:",60

Man! M% id must'e ta.ed

oer t+is for +istor% c)ass!

/

00:0#:30,63 --> 00:0#:33,#//

 *+e 4tatue of ;iert%&

+at are $e gonna do&

0

00:0#:33,5 --> 00:0#:37,33

- o%s, $e're gonna drin ti)) s+e's +ot!

- *+at's just cra% enoug+ to $or!

1

00:0#:#3,6#" --> 00:0#:#5,"6

Meg, nis+ %our .ancaes!

"

00:0#:#5,377 --> 00:0#:#/,107

-

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37 eers! ou're setting

a great e9am.)e for t+e ids, Beter!

#00:0#:5",0/# --> 00:0#:55,"1"

 ea+! A ne$ fami)% record!

a% to raise t+e ar, Dad!

5

00:0#:55,3"1 --> 00:0#:57,31"

00:05:01,#1

!!!$ou)d tae +er c)ot+es o?!

/

00:05:01,5# --> 00:05:05,0/6

- +at did %ou .romise me )ast nig+t&

- I $ou)dn't drin at t+e stag .art%!

00:05:05,17 --> 00:05:0/,06#

- And $+at did %ou do&

- Dran at t+e stag!!!

100

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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00:05:0/,167 --> 00:05:11,""7

I a)most $a)ed rig+t into t+at one! God

10100:05:11,337 --> 00:05:1#,37

@ee)s )ie accountants

are craning adding mac+ines in m% +ead!

10"

00:05:1/,/7/ --> 00:05:"1,7#5

Dic, %ou eer $onder

$+at's outside t+ose $a))s&

103

00:05:"1,/#7 --> 00:05:"#,/16

 *+at's dangerous t+ining, Bau)!

 ou est stic to %our $or!

10#

00:05:"#,17 --> 00:05:"5,//#

Fa%!

105

00:05:"6,61 --> 00:05:30,6/0

 ou see& A +angoer is nature's $a%

of te))ing %ou I $as rig+t! I mean!!!

106

00:05:30,7/ --> 00:05:3",65#

Mom, are %ou a)) rig+t&

107

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00:05:3",75/ --> 00:05:36,#55

M% goodness!

 *+is c+air )eg $as )oose! Isn't t+at si))%&

10/

00:05:36,56" --> 00:05:3/,553

I cou)d'e roen m% nec!

10

00:05:3/,731 --> 00:05:3,7/

Damn

110

00:05:#1,#00 --> 00:05:#3,/3#

(one%! I too a ca +ome,

I s)e.t on t+e ta)e!!!

111

00:05:#3,36 --> 00:05:#6,"3#

!!!so I $ou)dn't $ae %ou u.!

ot+ing ad +a..ened!

11"

00:05:#6,33/ --> 00:05:#/,16

I guess %ou're rig+t!

113

00:05:#/,"7# --> 00:05:50,36

A.o)og% acce.ted!

A)) rig+t, I'm going to $or!

11#

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00:05:51,0#3 --> 00:05:5",/06

4omeod%'s gotta .ut food on t+is ta)e!

11500:05:56,#/" --> 00:05:57,/13

(o$ are %ou coming, 2o+nson&

116

00:05:57,17 --> 00:06:00,"#

Mr! eed, I'e een $oring

on t+e ne$ G!I! 2e$ )ine!

117

00:06:00,35" --> 00:06:0",513

And as %ou can see, t+e% )oo great!

11/

00:06:0",6"1 --> 00:06:03,6#5

 ou ca)) t+ese age)s&

11

00:06:03,756 --> 00:06:06,05#

I'm g)ad +e's on our side

1"0

00:06:0/,#60 --> 00:06:0,55"

Beter

+at&

1"1

00:06:0,66" --> 00:06:10,/56

Are %ou s)ee.ing on t+e jo&

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1""

00:06:10,63 --> 00:06:1#,1"6

o! *+ere's a ug in m% e%eand I'm tr%ing to su?ocate +im!

1"3

00:06:1#,"33 --> 00:06:1/,067

Beter, I )ie %ou! ut I need %ou to e

more t+an just e%e cand% around +ere!

1"#

00:06:1/,170 --> 00:06:"1,"/

It's %our jo to $atc+ for to%s

t+at cou)d e +aardous to ids!

1"5

00:06:"1,#07 --> 00:06:"3,637

- o$, )oo s+ar.

- es, sir

1"6

00:06:35,#/7 --> 00:06:#0,151

And no$ ac to Action e$s 5!

Fur to. stor% tonig+t, 8+en *o%s Attac!8

1"7

00:06:#0,"5 --> 00:06:#1,//6

uite a situation $e'e got +ere, *om!

1"/

00:06:#1,# --> 00:06:##,360

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t+is com.an%'s re.utation!

136

00:07:07,#1 --> 00:07:0/,#0/ ou're red

137

00:07:0/,5"0 --> 00:07:0,71#

 2ee! @or +o$ )ong&

13/

00:07:1","1 --> 00:07:13,7/1

M% God ou got red&

13

00:07:13,/" --> 00:07:17,5"1

- a% to go, Dad @ig+t t+e mac+ine

- (o$ do %ou no$ aout t+e mac+ine&

1#0

00:07:17,630 --> 00:07:"0,360

Don't $orr%!

I')) sti)) .ut food on t+is ta)e!

1#1

00:07:"0,#66 --> 00:07:"3,0"6

 2ust not as muc+!

4o it mig+t get a )itt)e com.etitie!

1#"

00:07:"3,135 --> 00:07:"7,663

+o cares aout food& o$ $e')) neer

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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e a)e to a?ord m% )i. injections

1#3

00:07:"7,/06 --> 00:07:30,17" 00:07:35,077

 2ee! (o$ t+e +e))

am I gonna rea t+is to ;ois&

1#6

00:07:35,1/0 --> 00:07:3/,707

If s+e nds out I got red for drining,

s+e's gonna )ame me

1#7

00:07:3/,/17 --> 00:07:#","75

;ie to +er! It's oa% to )ie

to $omen! *+e%'re not .eo.)e )ie us!

1#/

00:07:#",3// --> 00:07:##,/7

I don't no$! (e%, $+ere's t+e ot+er gu%&

1#

00:07:#6,1"5 --> 00:07:#/,753

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

22/61

00:07:55,"/

+en s+e $orries, s+e sa%s,

8I to)d %ou so8 and:

153

00:07:55,#01 --> 00:07:5,303

84to. doing t+at! I'm as)ee.!8

4o I'm just gonna te)) a )itt)e )ie, oa%&

15#

00:07:5,#05 --> 00:0/:01,737

ot a $ord to %our mom

aout me getting canned!

155

00:0/:01,/#0 --> 00:0/:03,"3

+at's t+at, Beter&

156

00:0/:03,3#" --> 00:0/:06,33#

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- ot+ing! *+e )ost-m%-jo sme))s great!

- +at&

15700:0/:06,##5 --> 00:0/:0,#37

Meg, +one%, can %ou .ass

t+e red-m%-ass-for-neg)igence&

15/

00:0/:0,5#/ --> 00:0/:11,"0

Beter, are %ou fee)ing oa%&

15

00:0/:11,317 --> 00:0/:13,7

I fee) great

I +aen't got a jo in t+e $or)d!

160

00:0/:1#,0/6 --> 00:0/:15,713

A)) rig+t, t+en )et's eat!

161

00:0/:15,/"1 --> 00:0/:1/,517

I no$ %ou a)) +ate egg.)ant, ut!!!

16"

00:0/:1,65/ --> 00:0/:"1,5"3

+at on eart+ $as t+at&

163

00:0/:"3,6 --> 00:0/:"6,6"

+at t+e deuce are %ou staring at&

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It's tuna s+!!!

16#

00:0/:"7,0 --> 00:0/:"/,11!!!and not+ing e)se!

165

00:0/:3",63/ --> 00:0/:3#,071

(o$'s %our jo searc+ going&

166

00:0/:3#,173 --> 00:0/:37,#3/

It sucs, rian! I'e a)read%

een t+roug+ t$o jos t+is $ee!

167

00:0/:37,5#3 --> 00:0/:3,067

I got red o? of t+at commercia)!

16/

00:0/:3,17/ --> 00:0/:#1,/#0

 *r% it again!

8I'm caca for 00:0/:#3,676

o, damn it *ae "6

170

00:0/:##,1# --> 00:0/:#7,550

 *+en I +ad t+at jo as t+e sneee guard

for t+at restaurant's sa)ad ar!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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171

00:0/:50,""" --> 00:0/:51,3/"

 *ae it outside, )ad%!

17"

00:0/:51,7"# --> 00:0/:53,/17

I t+oug+t I cou)d $in mone%

in t+at ta)ent s+o$!

173

00:0/:5#,13 --> 00:0/:57,6"

And t+e .rie goes

to *+e on *ra.. @ami)% 4ingers

17#

00:0/:57,30 --> 00:0/:5,0""

 *+at is u))!!!

175

00:0:01,500 --> 00:0:03,365

Beter, I no$ it's a dangerous .recedent!!!

176

00:0:03,#6 --> 00:0:05,6

!!!ut %ou mig+t $ant to te)) ;ois t+e trut+!

177

00:0:05,/0# --> 00:0:0/,3"

+at& *+at I can't .roide for m% fami)%&

 *+at s+e's a)$a%s rig+t&

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17/

00:0:0,0#1 --> 00:0:11,#75

 *+at I didn't stand u. to a tan

in *iananmen 4Huare&

17

00:0:16,0#/ --> 00:0:1/,#

4cre$ t+is

I just came oer to u% some re$ors

1/0

00:0:1,#/5 --> 00:0:"1,7/3

 ou can't ee. )%ing to +er

aout )osing %our jo!

1/1

00:0:"1,//7 --> 00:0:"#,515

=entua))%, s+e')) nd out

$+ere %ou're going eer% da%!

1/"

00:0:"#,6"3 --> 00:0:"5,555

 ea+!

1/3

00:0:"/,7# --> 00:0:31,35#

 ea+, %ou're rig+t!

Fa%, I')) te)) +er tonig+t!

1/#

00:0:#/,1#7 --> 00:0:#,637

ictor% is mine

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1/5

00:0:50,0#/ --> 00:0:51,/"

I')) need t+e c+ecooin t+e morning!

1/6

00:0:5",0/# --> 00:0:5#,10

I'm going to 4to. ' 4+o.

for some s$eet corn!

1/7

00:0:5#,"1 --> 00:0:55,//0

 ou're s.ending mone% on food again&

1//

00:0:55,// --> 00:0:57,615

;ois, $e just +ad dinner!

1/

00:0:57,7"3 --> 00:10:01,/53

I enjo%ed it so muc+,

I t+oug+t $e'd eat again tomorro$!

10

00:10:01,60 --> 00:10:0#,55#

4ince $+en are %ou so concerned

aout our food udget&

11

00:10:0#,663 --> 00:10:05,/57

I just!!!

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1"

00:10:05,6# --> 00:10:0,1"7

;ois, t+is is rea))% +ard for me to sa%, ut!!!

13

00:10:0,"3# --> 00:10:11,031

+at is it, Beter&

1#

00:10:1",171 --> 00:10:1#,"/

- ou're getting ind of fat!

- +at&

15

00:10:1#,#06 --> 00:10:16,670

It's just!!! It's not +ea)t+%!

16

00:10:16,775 --> 00:10:"0,07#

Beter, I do m% 2ane @onda $orout ta.e

t+ree times a $ee!

17

00:10:"0,17 --> 00:10:"",0##

+en $as t+e )ast time %ou sa$ %our toes&

1/

00:10:"",1#7 --> 00:10:"#,63/

I t+oug+t %ou .eo.)e $ere

su..osed to e jo))%!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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1

00:10:"#,750 --> 00:10:"7,0#/

Beter, $+at t+e +e)) is t+e matter $it+ %ou&

"00

00:10:"7,15" --> 00:10:30,"#6

(one%, if t+ere's somet+ing $rong,

%ou can te)) me!

"01

00:10:30,3/ --> 00:10:3#,"57

- 4orr%, man! Am I )ate& +at did I miss&

- *+an God %ou're +ere! +at do I do&

"0"

00:10:3#,35 --> 00:10:36,5/

 *e)) +im to ee. Huiet! (e's in too dee.!

"03

00:10:36,65 --> 00:10:3/,"/7

I don't no$!

"0#

00:10:3/,630 --> 00:10:3,756

+ere's t+e ot+er gu%&

"05

00:10:#1,066 --> 00:10:#",50

 *+is is une)iea)e

"06

00:10:#3,635 --> 00:10:#6,00

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I .romise %ou, eer%t+ing's ne!

 ou got not+ing to $orr% aout!

"0700:10:#7,005 --> 00:10:50,16/

e)), $e)), Mot+er

e meet again

"0/

00:10:50,"75 --> 00:10:5",/00

4te$ie, I t+oug+t

I tuced %ou in an +our ago!

"0

00:10:5",11 --> 00:10:56,03

ot tig+t)% enoug+ it $ou)d seem!

And no$ %ou contem.ti)e +ar.%!!!

"10

00:10:56,1#/ --> 00:10:5/,616

!!!I s+a)) end %our reign

of matriarc+a) t%rann%!

"11

00:10:5/,717 --> 00:11:00,651

 ou can .)a% tomorro$, +one%!

"1"

00:11:00,75" --> 00:11:0","#"

ig+t no$ it's edtime!

"13

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

31/61

00:11:0","1 --> 00:11:05,3"1

)ast %ou and %our estrogenica) treac+er%

"1#00:11:05,#"# --> 00:11:06,7"1

4$eet dreams, iddo!

"15

00:11:06,/"5 --> 00:11:0/,10

 ou +ae t+e .o$er to end t+is

"16

00:11:11,"6 --> 00:11:1",661

(o$'d s+e tae it&

"17

00:11:1",76# --> 00:11:1#,6"

I to)d +er s+e $as fat!

"1/

00:11:1#,733 --> 00:11:15,5

o!

"1

00:11:16,70" --> 00:11:1/,#

I +ate )%ing to ;ois! It's just!!!

""0

00:11:1/,60# --> 00:11:"0,67

It's t+e est $a%

to ee. +er from t+e trut+!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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""1

00:11:"0,/06 --> 00:11:"3,"7#

 ou +ae no c+oice!

 our unem.)o%ment $i)) dr% u. soon!

"""

00:11:"3,375 --> 00:11:"6,/11

4+e')) .roa)% sense somet+ing's amiss

$+en t+e% re.ossess %our +ouse!

""3

00:11:"6,1" --> 00:11:",1#"

 ou rea))% oug+ta t+in

of %our fami)%'s $e)fare!

""#

00:11:","#/ --> 00:11:30,715

 2ee, rian *+at's a great idea

""5

00:11:3",1/ --> 00:11:37,116

Fa%, do %ou +ae an% disai)ities,

.ast injuries, .+%sica) anoma)ies&

""6

00:11:37,/0 --> 00:11:#0,51/

I didn't +ae gas

for t+e rst time unti) I $as 30!

""7

00:11:#5,030 --> 00:11:#6,/5

+at t+e +e)) $as t+at&

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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""/

00:11:#/,#67 --> 00:11:51,/00

Gu%s, our mone% .ro)emsare oer e're ocia))% on $e)fare!

""

00:11:51,0# --> 00:11:5#,33/

00:11:57,71

;et's see! J150 a $ee!

"3"

00:11:5/,#77 --> 00:1":00,"06

ait! *+at's a comma, not a decima)!

"33

00:1":0",3#7 --> 00:1":03,336

+oo.s!

"3#

00:1":03,715 --> 00:1":05,7

o, I +aen't seen Beter a)) afternoon!

"35

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

34/61

00:1":06,0/# --> 00:1":07,676

I $as giing a .iano )esson!

"3600:1":0/,5"0 --> 00:1":10,750

4te$ie, $+% don't %ou .)a%

in t+e ot+er room&

"37

00:1":10,/56 --> 00:1":1",1/7

+% don't %ou urn in +e))&

"3/

00:1":1",1 --> 00:1":1#,65"

o dessert for %ou, %oung man!

"3

00:1":15,""7 --> 00:1":17,65

+o $ou)d'e t+oug+t getting drun

$ou)d get me!!!

"#0

00:1":17,76 --> 00:1":"0,663

!!!J150,000 a $ee from t+e goernment&

"#1

00:1":"0,7 --> 00:1":"",061

 *+is is $+% I don't ote!

"#"

00:1":"",167 --> 00:1":"#,#31

Ma%e someod% do$n t+ere

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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$as drining, too!

"#3

00:1":"#,/70 --> 00:1":"7,6#Mr! Bresident, $+% do %ou t+in

t+e .u)ic su..orts %ou!!!

"##

00:1":"/,073 --> 00:1":",76/

!!!during t+ese im.eac+ment .roceedings&

"#5

00:1":",/75 --> 00:1":31,3#"

Broa)% ecause %ou're so fat!

"#6

00:1":33,"7/ --> 00:1":35,075

Beter, %ou mig+t $ant to ca))

t+e e)fare 00:1":37,0/0

 *+at c+ec is oious)% an oersig+t!

"#/

00:1":37,1/" --> 00:1":#0,70

ot necessari)%! Ma%e I'm )ie

t+eir one mi))iont+ customer!

"#

00:1":#0,/1 --> 00:1":#",/7/

+at&

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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 ou're gonna s.end J150,000 a $ee&

"50

00:1":#",// --> 00:1":#5,0#7- ea+!

- Fn $+at&

"51

00:1":#5,6"# --> 00:1":#,"#

F+, m% God

Beter, %ou oug+t t+e statue of Daid&

"5"

00:1":50,0"/ --> 00:1":5",51

o! I just rented it!

ut t+e%'re gonna e ticed!

"53

00:1":5",631 --> 00:1":55,"5

 *+e .enis roe o? 

$+i)e I $as )oading it into t+e car!

"5#

00:1":5/,337 --> 00:13:00,13#

I s+a)) ca)) %ou 8=duardo!8

"55

00:13:00,#3 --> 00:13:0",13#

Beter, +o$ can $e a?ord t+is&

"56

00:13:0","#0 --> 00:13:0#,"0/

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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 ou $on't e)iee it, Mom Dad's getting!!!

"57

00:13:0#,30 --> 00:13:05,#01A ig raise

"5/

00:13:05,510 --> 00:13:07,171

Beter, t+at's $onderfu)

"5

00:13:07,"7 --> 00:13:0/,"6/

ut, Dad, I t+oug+t!!!

"60

00:13:0/,3/0 --> 00:13:11,611

 *+e ind of raise t+at')) a))o$ me

to gie m% ids a ig a))o$ance!!!

"61

00:13:11,717 --> 00:13:1#,"#"

!!!just for ee.ing t+eir ig mout+s s+ut!

00:13:16,7/7

I')) u% us

t+e most e9.ensie mea) $e'e eer +ad!

"63

00:13:17,// --> 00:13:"0,15

 ea+!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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I'd )ie 6,000 c+icen fa-ji-tas, .)ease!

"6#

00:13:"1,0"6 --> 00:13:"1,3I eg %our .ardon&

"65

00:13:"",0# --> 00:13:"#,0/5

6,000 c+icen fa-ji-tas!

"66

00:13:"#,16 --> 00:13:"5,3

And a 84o-sage8 Mciscuit, .)ease!

"67

00:13:"7,/ --> 00:13:",66

Beter, $+at's t+e ig sur.rise&

"6/

00:13:",/01 --> 00:13:3",770

 ou no$ +o$ I a)$a%s said

%ou s+ou)d e treated )ie a Hueen&

"6

00:13:3",/71 --> 00:13:3#,771

I got %ou %our o$n jester!

"70

00:13:35,#1 --> 00:13:37,670

Good to e +ere in e$ =ng)and!

"71

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

39/61

00:13:37,776 --> 00:13:3,/35

And $+at's t+e dea)

$it+ 8e$8 =ng)and an%$a%&

"7"

00:13:3,#5 --> 00:13:##,"#5

It's oer "00 %ears o)d

;ast time I c+eced, t+at's not t+at ne$!

"73

00:13:#/,//7 --> 00:13:#,/5#

 *+is is great!

"7#

00:13:#,55 --> 00:13:53,5/#

I can na))% a?ord to gie m% )itt)e gir)

t+e )i.s s+e's a)$a%s dreamed of!

"75

00:13:53,6" --> 00:13:55,#"1

 *+an %ou, Dadd%

"76

00:13:56,/5 --> 00:13:5/,65/

I don't no$, Beter! ;i.s are one t+ing!

"77

00:13:5/,76# --> 00:1#:01,5"/

ut did %ou +ae to u%

reast im.)ants for

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

40/61

00:1#:01,633 --> 00:1#:0",75

It maes +im +a..%!

"700:1#:0",/6/ --> 00:1#:0#,57

 *+ese are coo)!

"/0

00:1#:0/,"06 --> 00:1#:0,66

+en did %ou get a .oo)&

"/1

00:1#:0,/0/ --> 00:1#:11,"07

It's a moat!

"/"

00:1#:11,30 --> 00:1#:1","/

I no$ it's si))%!!!

"/3

00:1#:1",#11 --> 00:1#:15,/#7

!!!ut m% +usand t+ins our fami)%

needs e9tra .rotection no$ t+at!!!

"/#

00:1#:15,#7 --> 00:1#:17,31"

!!!$e're ric+!

"/5

00:1#:17,#16 --> 00:1#:1/,##0

Does it $or&

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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"/6

00:1#:1/,550 --> 00:1#:"1,1##

It does ee. t+e )ac Enig+t at a%!

"/7

00:1#:"5,30 --> 00:1#:",156

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

42/61

00:1#:#6,/1" --> 00:1#:50,76

 ea+, from t+e American ta9.a%ers!

I am so mad I can't see straig+t!

"#

00:1#:51,0/3 --> 00:1#:53,07#

o .ro)em!

e got mone% to get t+at 9ed!!!

"5

00:1#:53,1/5 --> 00:1#:57,5//

!!!$it+ enoug+ )eft for us to u% our $a%

out of an% trou)e our ids mig+t get into!

"6

00:1#:57,6/ --> 00:1#:5/,/15

 2ust )ie t+e Eenned%s!

"7

00:1#:5/,"# --> 00:15:01,51/

I fee) )ie I don't

een no$ %ou an%more, Beter!

"/

00:15:01,6"6 --> 00:15:0#,#5

 *+e man I married $ou)d neer t+in

+e cou)d 9 a .ro)em!!!

"

00:15:0#,563 --> 00:15:06,0/7

!!!just % s.ending mone%

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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300

00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:0/,"3

o%, s+e's .rett% .issed!

301

00:15:0,03# --> 00:15:11,366

+o t+oug+t fraud

$ou)d e one of +er uttons&

30"

00:15:11,#70 --> 00:15:1#,/03

+% +ae a jueo9

in t+e jo+n if %our $ife's mad at %ou&

303

00:15:1#,06 --> 00:15:17,670

Beter, %ou ma% +ae to return

t+at mone% to t+e ta9.a%ers!

30#

00:15:17,776 --> 00:15:1,71

ut I gotta mae sure

;ois no$s I'm doing it!

305

00:15:"0,07/ --> 00:15:"1,0

I need an eent $it+ t+ousands of .eo.)e!

306

00:15:"",013 --> 00:15:"#,03/

4omet+ing t+at eer%od% cares aout!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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307

00:15:"5,#/# --> 00:15:"7,#1/

e mig+t +ae to )eae

+ode Is)and for t+is!

30/

00:15:"7,/6 --> 00:15:31,///

 *+e air is e)ectric +ere

at 4u.er o$) KKKIII tonig+t

30

00:15:31,0 --> 00:15:3#,"5

Bat, it's safe to sa% t+at a))

t+ese fans came out +ere!!!

310

00:15:35,0"6 --> 00:15:37,017

!!!to $atc+ a game of foota))

311

00:15:37,1" --> 00:15:3,1"0

 2o+n, $e're in commercia)!

31"

00:15:3,"31 --> 00:15:#","/

 ea+, I no$!

I'm just maing conersation!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

45/61

31#

00:15:#7,506 --> 00:15:51,101

Amaing! ou can are)% drie a car!

 et %ou $ere a))o$ed to C% a )im.&

315

00:15:51,"0 --> 00:15:53,/71

 ea+, America's great, isn't it&

=9ce.t for t+e 4out+!

316

00:15:53,7 --> 00:15:55,7#"

o%, I +o.e ;ois is $atc+ing!

317

00:15:55,/#7 --> 00:15:5/,00/

Fa%, ta9.a%ers, +ere %ou go

31/

00:15:5,/51 --> 00:16:0",513

;oos )ie $e're getting some rain

+ere tonig+t, 2o+n!

31

00:16:0",6"1 --> 00:16:06,07

 ea+! (e%, $ait a second

 *+is is no ordinar% rain

3"0

00:16:06,31 --> 00:16:0/,#/#

It's some ind of cra% mone% rain

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

46/61

3"1

00:16:0/,53 --> 00:16:11,#

I'm eing to)d it's a man and +is dog

t+ro$ing cas+ out of a )im.!

3""

00:16:1",07 --> 00:16:15,/63

Man! I +o.e t+is $ors! Ft+er$ise,

I'm gonna +ae to start dro..ing t+ese!

3"3

00:16:"0,77" --> 00:16:"3,00

 *+e cro$d is storming t+e e)d

 *+is is .andemonium

3"#

00:16:"#,00 --> 00:16:"6,603

(ae %ou eer seen an%t+ing )ie t+is, Bat&

3"5

00:16:"7,7#6 --> 00:16:31,/07

 2ust once! *+e 175

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

47/61

a .erfect)% good game of foota))

3"/

00:16:#0,6" --> 00:16:#",56- Madden to @o9 4ecurit%!

- Go a+ead!

3"

00:16:#3,061 --> 00:16:##,/5/

 *ae t+em do$n

 es, sir!

330

00:16:5#,03 --> 00:16:55,131

(o$ $as %our s+o$er&

331

00:16:55,"#0 --> 00:16:5/,1#1

I te)) %ou, a)) of t+e rumors

aout dro..ing t+e soa. are true!

33"

00:16:5/,"#3 --> 00:16:5,"3"

ea))%&

333

00:16:5,3## --> 00:17:01,53

 ou can't +o)d onto t+at t+ing

to sae %our )ife!

33#

00:17:01,6#6 --> 00:17:03,10

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

48/61

It $as s)i..ing eer%$+ere!

Gu%s $ere )aug+ing!

33500:17:0#,015 --> 00:17:06,176

 *+ere's t+e gu%

t+at cou)dn't +o)d t+e soa.!

336

00:17:06,"/# --> 00:17:07,11

 *+at $as c)assic!

337

00:17:0/,553 --> 00:17:10,1

o%! I rea))% )et ;ois do$n t+is time!

33/

00:17:11,0"" --> 00:17:1",31

Do %ou t+in s+e')) $ait for me&

33

00:17:1",#"# --> 00:17:13,/"

If eer% $oman dum.ed +er +usand!!!

3#0

00:17:1#,0" --> 00:17:16,7//

!!!for cras+ing a )im.,

no one $ou)d e married!

3#1

00:17:16,/5 --> 00:17:1,"5

 ea+, %ou're rig+t!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

49/61

Fa%, I got t+e to. un!

3#"

00:17:"","67 --> 00:17:"#,7"M% co))agen is $earing o?!

3#3

00:17:"#,03 --> 00:17:"7,303

(one%, sagging )i.s are just nature's $a%!!!

3##

00:17:"7,#05 --> 00:17:30,37

!!!of te))ing %ou %ou s+ou)dn't

coer for %our fat+er's )ie!

3#5

00:17:30,50/ --> 00:17:33,705

+at does it mean $+en %our arm.its

cr% stin% tears&

3#6

00:17:33,/1" --> 00:17:35,/71

It means %ou're ecoming a man!

3#7

00:17:35,/1 --> 00:17:3,71"

ut +o.efu))% not t+e ind $+o sta%s out

a)) da% and doesn't ca))!!!

3#/

00:17:3,/1/ --> 00:17:#",3#3

!!!)ie %our fat+er

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

50/61

$+o s+a)) remain name)ess!

3#

00:17:#",#5# --> 00:17:#5,"/7(e))o, Mot+er!

(i t+ere, s$eetie!

350

00:17:#5,30 --> 00:17:#7,50

 ou no$, Mot+er,

)ife is )ie a o9 of c+oco)ates!

351

00:17:#/,05 --> 00:17:50,3"3

 ou neer no$ $+at %ou're going to get!

35"

00:17:50,#"/ --> 00:17:53,00

 our )ife, +o$eer,

is more )ie a o9 of actie grenades

353

00:17:5#,6 --> 00:17:57,66/

o$, I o?er one )ast c+ance

for de)ierance!

35#

00:17:57,76 --> 00:1/:00,/"

eturn m% mind-contro) deice

or e destro%ed!

355

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

51/61

00:1/:01,6#0 --> 00:1/:0#,#0#

 ou just $ant %our to% ac!

35600:1/:0#,50 --> 00:1/:06,"0#

Fa%, +ere %ou go, +one%!

357

00:1/:07,07/ --> 00:1/:0,"73

 es!!! e)), ictor% is mine

35/

00:1/:13,#1/ --> 00:1/:1#,61"

Damn %ou a))

35

00:1/:16,3"1 --> 00:1/:17,##7

(e))o&

360

00:1/:1/,"56 --> 00:1/:1,6"1

F+, m% God

361

00:1/:"5,16 --> 00:1/:"7,06

;ois, am I g)ad to see %ou!

36"

00:1/:"7,1/ --> 00:1/:",063

I +ae not+ing to sa% to %ou, Beter!

363

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

52/61

00:1/:",167 --> 00:1/:31,"#

I gae t+e mone% ac!

+% are %ou sti)) steamed&

36#

00:1/:31,#03 --> 00:1/:3#,/0#

Beter, %ou )ied to me,

%ou etra%ed m% trust!

365

00:1/:3#,06 --> 00:1/:37,"0#

00:1/:#3,10/

 *+is court $i)) come to order!

36/

00:1/:#3,15 --> 00:1/:#6,3/3

I gured t+e sooner I cas+ed t+e c+ec!!!

36

00:1/:#6,#/# --> 00:1/:#,"#/

!!!t+e sooner t+e%'d catc+ t+eir mistae!

370

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

53/61

00:1/:#,6"1 --> 00:1/:51,5"1

+% are $e maing a federa) case

out of t+is&

371

00:1/:51,6"3 --> 00:1/:5#,1#/

Don't %ou t+in %ou s+ou)d

+ae a)erted t+e goernment!!!

37"

00:1/:5#,"5 --> 00:1/:55,556

!!!of suc+ a gross oer.a%ment&

373

00:1/:55,660 --> 00:1/:5/,"5

I $as gonna ca)) t+em!

ut m% faorite e.isode!!!

37#

00:1/:5,030 --> 00:1:0",056

!!!of Di?erent 4troes $as on!

 *+e one $+ere Arno)d and Dud)e%!!!

375

00:1:0",167 --> 00:1:0#,#

!!!get se9ua))% mo)ested

% t+e ie s+o. o$ner&

376

00:1:0#,70 --> 00:1:07,/03

A)) rig+t! o$ I $ant %ou o%s

to scream rea) )oud at m% ass!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

54/61

377

00:1:0/,173 --> 00:1:10,607

And eer%od% )earns a a)ua)e )esson!

37/

00:1:10,70 --> 00:1:1",#0#

Mr! Grin, +ae %ou )earned a )esson&

37

00:1:1",510 --> 00:1:15,035

 es! 4ta% t+e +e)) a$a%

from t+at ie s+o.!

3/0

00:1:17,1/" --> 00:1:"0,7#3

Fa%, eer%od%, I fee) rea))% ad

aout $+at I did! I just!!!

3/1

00:1:"0,/5" --> 00:1:"",376

I don't no$! I sa$ t+e one c+ance!!!

3/"

00:1:"",#/7 --> 00:1:"5,6/#

!!!)'d eer +ae to gie m% fami)%

t+e t+ings t+e% desere!

3/3

00:1:"5,70 --> 00:1:"/,0"0

I guess I scre$ed it u.!

I c+eated t+e goernment!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

55/61

3/#

00:1:"/,1"6 --> 00:1:30,617

And $orst of a)), I )ied to m% $ife!

3/5

00:1:31,0" --> 00:1:3",656

And s+e deseres etter!

3/6

00:1:3",76# --> 00:1:3#,17

I'm sorr%, +one%!

3/7

00:1:3#," --> 00:1:37,"3#

Mr! Grin, I t+in %our $ords

+ae touc+ed us a))!

3//

00:1:37,335 --> 00:1:3,#6"

I'm sentencing %ou to "# mont+s in .rison!

3/

00:1:3,/0# --> 00:1:#0,73

o

30

00:1:#0,05 --> 00:1:#1,63

- o

- o

31

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

56/61

00:1:#",073 --> 00:1:#",71

o

3"00:1:#3,07# --> 00:1:##,0#1

 ea+

33

00:1:50,715 --> 00:1:5",10

=9cuse me, our (onor&

 es&

3#

00:1:53,01/ --> 00:1:56,351

;oo, m% +usand ma% e

a it t+oug+t)ess at times!

35

00:1:56,#5# --> 00:1:5,#6

(e ma% een e do$nrig+t stu.id!

36

00:"0:00,05/ --> 00:"0:0",30

ut I no$ +e on)% acce.ted t+at mone%!!!

37

00:"0:0",## --> 00:"0:05,35

!!!ecause +e $anted to e

a good +usand and fat+er!

3/

00:"0:05,30 --> 00:"0:0/,55/

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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ut $+at +e needs to rememer

is t+at $e )oe +im!

300:"0:0/,666 --> 00:"0:11,567

And no matter $+at,

I')) a)$a%s stand % +im!

#00

00:"0:11,66 --> 00:"0:13,500

I )oe %ou too, +one%!

#01

00:"0:13,671 --> 00:"0:17,573

 *+at $as er% moing, Mrs! Grin!

Fa%, %ou can go to jai) $it+ +im

#0"

00:"0:17,675 --> 00:"0:1/,6#"

+at&

#03

00:"0:1/,7#3 --> 00:"0:"",770

"# mont+s in .rison& Lnacce.ta)e

Into)era)e as it ma% e!!!

#0#

00:"0:"",//1 --> 00:"0:"6,1/0

!!!)'m com.)ete)% de.endent u.on

t+ose $retc+ed drones for sustenance!

#05

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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00:"0:"6,"/# --> 00:"0:",3##

;et us see +o$ t+e constitution

of American justice fares!!!

#06

00:"0:",#5# --> 00:"0:31,"/5

!!!against t+e deice

#07

00:"0:#1,03" --> 00:"0:#","#

Is t+at %our o%&

#0/

00:"0:#",#00 --> 00:"0:##,"31

+at& ea+! *+at's 4te$ie!

#0

00:"0:##,335 --> 00:"0:#,170

Gos+! I can't se.arate a id t+at %oung

from +is fat+er! It's unjudgmen)%!

#10

00:"0:#,"7# --> 00:"0:51,#01

- (e)), %ou'e )earned %our )esson, rig+t&

- ea+!

#11

00:"0:51,50 --> 00:"0:5#,56

- A)) rig+t! ou're free!

- o$

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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00:"0:5#,67 --> 00:"0:55,66/

o!

#1300:"0:56,31# --> 00:"0:5/,077

- es!

- A)) rig+t

#1#

00:"1:0",5"0 --> 00:"1:0#,07/

 *+at $as a cra% one, Dic!

#15

00:"1:0#,1/ --> 00:"1:07,35"

It sure $as! In t+is ne9t )oo.er

from 2oanie ;oes 00:"1:13,#6"

+at does %our mom do&

#1

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00:"1:13,565 --> 00:"1:15,055

4+e se))s seas+e))s do$n % t+e!!!

#"000:"1:17,035 --> 00:"1:1/,55

 *+at is ind of a tongue t$ister!

#"1

00:"1:1/,670 --> 00:"1:"0,7"

It's good to +ae %ou +ome, Beter!

#""

00:"1:"0,/3 --> 00:"1:"3,137

(one%, I ne$ eer%t+ing

$ou)d turn out oa%!

#"3

00:"1:"3,"#1 --> 00:"1:"#,67#

I sure am gonna miss eing ric+!

#"#

00:"1:"#,776 --> 00:"1:"6,7##

Don't $orr%!

I got a $a% to get mone%!

#"5

00:"1:"6,/#5 --> 00:"1:"/,36

ot anot+er $e)fare scam&

#"6

00:"1:"/,#/0 --> 00:"1:30,6#1

o! Minorit% sc+o)ars+i.!

8/15/2019 Family Guy - 1x01

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#"7

00:"1:37,7/ --> 00:"1:#0,01

o!Are %ou insane&

#"/

00:"1:#0,1"5 --> 00:"1:#",//

Fa%, I mean se9ua) +arassment suit!

#"

00:"1:##,06" --> 00:"1:#5,3"#

o!

Don't t+in so!

#30

00:"1:#5,#30 --> 00:"1:#6,65/

Aso)ute)% outrageous!

#31

00:"1:#6,76# --> 00:"1:#/,17

Fa%, disai)it% c)aim!

00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:",00

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