family matters-adjusting-to-a-childs-allergy-diagnosis

Adjusting to a Child's Allergy Diagnosis

Q: I’m struggling to help my family adjust after we found out

one of our children has a serious allergy. Katie is only four

years old, and she was just diagnosed with a wheat allergy.

How can I help my family accept the changes and help

Katie?

Katie is our youngest, and her older siblings are struggling to

understand what is happening, or why we have to make

changes in the kitchen.

To keep Katie safe, we have to make big changes in our entire

household.

One of the issues I’m seeing is that many members of our

family, including my parents and sisters, don’t understand

how serious the allergies are for Katie. They keep saying how

it’s not as serious as a nut allergy. However, it’s serious for

Katie, and she has horrible reactions to wheat.

What can I do to help them understand and keep Katie safe

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around them? I’m worried they’ll keep feeding her wheat.

A: Food allergies should always be taken seriously because

they can be unpredictable. According to the American College

of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology (ACAAI), patients can

experience a variety of symptoms, including anaphylactic

reactions. Allergies can be deadly for some patients.

It’s difficult for families to handle such a diagnosis in a young

child. She may have to spend the rest of her life dealing with

this condition, so it’s hard to accept it.

However, you’re taking the first step to help Katie by

recognizing that she needs her entire family’s support.

Allergies in a young child can lead to hospitalization and

multiple doctor visits. It’s important for your entire family to

recognize the severity of the situation.

You may want to talk to Katie’s doctor and ask for pamphlets

or other printed information that you can share. Your

extended family members may also want to attend some of

Katie’s doctor appointments and ask questions.

FAMILY MATTERS: Adjusting to a Child’s Allergy Diagnosis

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Have a family meeting and discuss Katie’s condition. You’ll

be able to address any questions or concerns they may

have about her allergies.

Q: I like the idea of holding a family meeting to discuss Katie’s

wheat allergy

However, I don’t think it will help with another issue. Katie’s

doctor told me she’s very sensitive to the smallest amount of

wheat. So we have to completely remove all the wheat in our

kitchen because even a crumb can make her sick. That

means we have to completely eliminate a lot of the food that

our family loves.

My other children think I’m taking it too far and just want

me to restrict a few shelves to be wheat-free. I want

everyone to be happy, but I can’t take the risk of crumbs

ending up in Katie’s food.

We’ve already had several visits to the ER because Katie’s

food got contaminated with wheat.

How can I help my other children accept the changes we

need to make for Katie?


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A: Children can have a hard time accepting that a sibling has

an allergy. In addition to the attention the sibling suddenly

receives because of the diagnosis, the household tends to go

through multiple changes.

Your children may not understand how serious Katie’s

allergy is to her health.

You may want to purchase books about allergies or get other

material that helps explain the dangers of allergies to

children. Explain how Katie can end up in the hospital if she

eats a crumb of wheat.

Your other children are part of Katie’s support network. Due

to her young age, she may need them to be her voice in

difficult situations that may involve wheat.

If your doctor has asked you to make big changes in the

kitchen to keep Katie safe, then it’s important to follow

these instructions.

Although your family may need time to adjust to the changes,

they’ll learn to accept them. Katie’s health can’t be put in


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jeopardy every time you cook, so you have to follow the

doctor’s advice.

Q: I intend to follow the doctor’s recommendations for Katie,

but I’m still worried about how she’ll handle the allergy

because she’s so young.

Katie is four and has a hard time understanding why she

suddenly can’t eat some of the food she likes. She thinks

she’s being punished or in trouble. She doesn’t believe me no

matter what I say to calm her down.

What can I do to help Katie understand she has an allergy

and isn’t being punished?

A: It’s important to explain the allergy to Katie on her level.

She needs information that is easy for her to understand. She

won’t be able to process medical jargon or understand what

some of the reactions mean.

Your doctor may also have resources aimed at young

children, such as books, posters, and other fun items that

help children understand more about allergies. You can also


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search online for resources and ask other parents to help

you find them.

Although you don’t want to scare her, Katie needs to know

that eating wheat can make her sick. You may want to remind

her about the recent ER visits you mentioned. It may be

tempting to hide some of the serious issues from a young

child, but her safety depends on understanding the

importance. You’ll simply have to adjust the terminology to

her level.

If Katie misses some of her favorite foods, experiment with

creating new dishes she may like. You can find multiple

cookbooks and online recipes that are designed for people

with allergies. In time, she’ll find substitutes for her former

favorite foods.

Instead of complaining about her health, you may want to

direct all conversations to stay positive. In addition, Katie can

benefit from feeling special at this time.

You may want to purchase a special ID bracelet that notes

her allergy when she’s with others and get her allergy


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stickers. Let Katie participate by picking out her favorite

colors and styles.

Q: I’m surrounded by family, but I feel alone with this issue.

No one else in our family has a wheat allergy, so Katie is the

first. My husband doesn’t understand how she developed it

and blames my difficult pregnancy for creating it. Our doctor

states that my husband is wrong, and it’s not my fault.

Unfortunately, I still feel guilty. Between the shame and

accusations, I feel like I’m dealing with Katie’s health

issues on my own.

I’m tired of dealing with everything on my own, and I need

support. What can I do?

A: Try joining a local support group with other parents who

have children with allergies.

Support groups can help you work on eliminating the guilt

and shame you feel about Katie’s health. They can also

help you learn more about keeping her safe. The group


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members can also offer advice and tips that can help your

household transition to eliminating wheat.

If you can’t find a local support group, then consider joining

an online version. You can find a variety of support groups on

social media such as Facebook.

It sounds like you also want your family’s support.

It’s important to understand that a serious allergy diagnosis is

difficult for some family members to handle and

acknowledge. They may need more time to accept it and

come to terms with Katie’s new diagnosis.

You may also benefit from family or individual therapy if

you’re struggling with shame and guilt.

You don’t have to deal with these difficult emotions on your

own, and therapists can help you cope.

Q: I understand I can join support groups, but they’ll be filled

with strangers.


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I want my husband to be part of my support net. However, he

doesn’t seem interested in helping me educate the entire

family about Katie’s allergies.

Instead, my husband tells the children and everyone else

to go to me if they have questions.

I don’t mind answering their questions, but it would be nice

to have his support and help. I can’t do everything on my

own. I’m already struggling. My husband simply sits and

doesn’t talk while I spend all of my energy trying to explain

things to them.

What can I do to change this and make my husband

understand I need his help with Katie’s health? The stress

is starting to overwhelm me, and I’m worried that it will start

to affect my own health.

A: This is a significant change that affects your whole

household and Katie’s entire life. Your husband may still be

trying to process the diagnosis and figure out how to help.

Your husband can still be an important part of your support

network and make it easier to handle the upcoming battles


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you may face. However, you may just need to give him some

time and space to adjust to Katie’s diagnosis.

Have a calm conversation with your husband and explain

that you need his support right now. He may not

understand that you don’t want to be the only one to answer

questions. He needs to know that you want him to help

educate the children and other family members about Katie’s

health.

You can split the duties, so you don’t feel overwhelmed. For

example, you can answer questions from your parents. Your

husband can answer questions from your other children.

In addition, you can split other family obligations, so your

stress levels are reduced. Try rotating with your husband in

taking Katie to her doctor’s appointments or talking to her

teachers.

With time and patience, your whole family will adjust to these

changes and learn to support Katie in her new path.


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