THf MACjAZ/Nf, O~

OCTOBER

Proi~ct Nursemaid (short novel)

Dywyk

By'a Fluke'

Uncle Phil on TV

hy JUDITH MBRRIL / 3

hy DORIS P. -BUCK 75

by ARTHUR PORGES 78

by J. B. PRIESTLEY 84

Recommended Reading' (a department)by ANTHONY BOUCHER 101

1;he Cricket Ball

'the Ta~king Ston~

byAVRO'MANHATTAN 104

by ISAAC ASIMOV 107

An·Appointment for Candlemas fly ROBBRT GRAVES 124

·"Coming Nex~ Month" appears on pag~ I2]

COVER PAINTING BY MEL HUNTER

Joseph W. Ferman. PUBLISHER AtJlhony Boucher, EDITOR

The Magazine of FilnllJsy..llnJ Science Fiction, Volu~ 9, No.4, Whole No. 53, OCT., 1955. Publishedmonthly by Fantasy House', Inc., at 35t "copj. Annual subscription, 14.oo.i" U. S. and Possessions; 15.005 all other cuuntries. Publication office, Ctmt"Of'd, N. H. General offices, 471 Parle. Avenue, N~ York 22,

'. 8. Y. EtJitmi41 afte, 2643 DtmQ St., Bnl{wky ~, Calif. EtueretJ In sec01Ul c/dss matter at 1M Post Office IIICoN:~ N. H. WIller the Act ofMtDdt 3, 1879. Printed in U~ S. A. Cop)lTigkt, 19j5, by FatlUUy HotUtI.1Ie. All rights, inckuJinK #ansltNion into oUIn ltmguages, r"eserv4J~Suhmi$Sions must be aaompanied I?"'ttamped, sei.f-~ssed envelopes.. the Publisller assumes no responsibility for retur" ofunsolicited ttUIIUIKT'ipts.

]. Francis McComas, ADVISORY EDITOR; Robert P. Mills, MANAGING EDITOR; George Salter, ART DIRECTOR;-Row.." K. ~uyn, PIl6DucnON MANAGER; CJuwl., A"60ff, ASSQCIATE EDITOR; Glori.1..IMt.s, ASSISTANT

EDITOR; Cmin/mce Di ~"zo, EDITORIAL SECRETARY

EXCITING MYSTERY READING

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by Edward LeeRed' Blake knew that the scantily cladwomen and the humming rO'ulettewheels held the threat of sudden.death for him - by a murderer

whose blood lust bore the mark ofmadness. ff••• speedy and violent• • ." Saturday, Review. .A JONATHAN PRISS MYSTIRY

(formerly' 'Miscast for Murder"]

by Ruth Fenisong

Bess Culhane had to see her father. Shedidn't know about the once-lovely womanlying on his hotel bed, her dark hairmatted with blood. ff••• neatly plotted••." the Boston Globe.A BESTSELLER MYSTERY

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At the time that you read this, science fiction ·has just received IlS impo,tantII distinction i!,r has ever he,n lJestowed upon it !Jy II critic Df fmJinstrell1nliteratl4fe: Martba Foley's THE BEST AMERICAN SHORT STORIES 1955(HotIghton Mifflit.z), which appears almos.t simultllneously uljth this issue,contllins Judith Merril's Dead Ceriter (F&SF, N~f)emlJer, I!1Jf). MissFoley, most eminent of judges oj ttultly1s shOff stfJry, has occasi01WJly in­cl.Jet/ s.f. in he, anntklJs IJtjtJ", hut IfIlllJays from" slick;' "i!tality'" 0'

"little magll~.ine··, sources.l· she has freflUDtly cited s.f. (particularly, I'mplMseJ to say, from F&SF) in her lists ().f "Pisti",!ive Short Stori~s" 11M., Distinctive VoJmnes 0/ Shs,t Stories' '.1. ana nfJttJ Ilt last .,he grants filII,recognition to a story from (I popultlr, .. pulp" s./. maga(ine~ It's '!Jot sur­prising that the first author to ~ttain this critical Mach' I i.f Judith Merril.... I. am, •.•.. Foley has written, II II in '1u~st of literary adventure. Whe" I feelthat I have had an adventure in reading a sto'.Y~ when I think rltUling ithas been tJ memurtJhle experience, I hop~ tha..t the readers of this volume alsowill find it.memorahl,." For. it is this tJ.1J4~ity of memor,!hilit" - derivingfrom personal emotional impact in writing oj tht p~ople of the fflt~r~ '~fh"

thtJ.fJ' the things or theorits - that ·has .m4,k.ea Merri/' s fiaion, from hi,striking Jehut-story That Only a Mother (Astounding, June, .Ij48)

through her novel SHADOW ON T~E HEARTa (DoubledIlY, I9.Jo) on ~oI)ead

~enter . ,.. and to Project Nursemaid. The lOngest Mer,iJ story in finyears, this short novel tells of a Proj«t, yes - a fascinatingly 'detail~J

attempt to adjust the human race to low- and null-gravity.l· but primarilyit is a story of people, ana a tender and m,m.~rahle one.

Project 1\[ursemaidhy J'~D'-ITH MERRIL

THE GIRL IN THE WAITING ROOM WAS to relax. It was an interview, noth...very young, and very ill at ease. ing more. If they asked too 'manyShe closed the magazine in her lap, questions or if anything happenedwhich she had not been reading, and that looked like trouble, she could

,'leaned back in'the chair, determined -just leave and not come 'back.

3

4

And then what • • • ?They 'wouldn't, 'anyhow. The

nurse had told her. She didn't evenhave to give her right name. Itdidn't matter~ ,And they wouldn'tcheck up. All they cared about wasif you could pass the physic,a!.

That's what the nurse had said,but she didn't like the nurse, andshe wished now that ~he'had boughta wedding ring after all. Thirty-ninecents in the five-and-ten, and ,shehad stood there looking at them,an~ gone away again. Partly it wasknowing the salesgirl would thinkshe was going to use it for a hotel,or something like that.. Mostly, itwas just - wrong. A ring on yourfinger was supposed to mean some...·thing, even for 39 cents. If she ,hadto-lie with words, she could, but notwith . . . That was silly. She shouldhave ,bought it. Only what a ringmeant was 'one thing, an~ whatCharlie had meant was somethingelse. '-

Everybody's got to learn their lessonsooner or later, honey, th~ nurse hadsaid.

But it wasn',t like that, she wantedto say. Only it ~as. It was for Char­lie, sowhat difference did it makewhat -she thought?

She should have bought the. ring.I t was silly not to.

"I. still say, it's a hell of a way torun a,n Army."

"You could eveif be ,right," saidthe Colonel, and both of theinsmiled.. Two men "who find them...

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

selves jointly responsible for a vi­tally important bit of insanity, whoshare a strong, if reluctant, mutual'respect for each other's abilities, and,who disagree with ~ach other aboutalmost eyerything, will find them­selves smiling frequently, he'· haddiscovered.

The General, who was also a pol­itician, stopped smiling and added,"Besides which, it's downright im­moral! These girls - kids! You~d

think ..."The Colonel, who 'was also a psy­

chologist, stopped smiling too. TheGeneral had a daughter very muchthe same age as the one who waswaiting'outside right now~

~'It'sone hell of a way to run anArmy."

The Colonel nodded. His conceptof morality did hot coincide' pre'"cisely with t~e General's, but hisdisapproval" was ·not one whit lessvehement. He had already expressedhis views in a paper rather dt~­

matically 'enti.tled" "Brave NewWorld???" which dealt with thepredictable results ,of regimentationin prenatal and infantile condition­ing. The manuscript', neatly "typed,oc<;:upied the rearmost position in afolder of personal correspond'ence inhis bottom desk drawer, and he hadno more intention of expressing hisviews now to the General than hehad of submitting the paper for

; publication. He had discovered re­cently that he could disapprove ofeverything he ,was doing, and stilldeSIre to defend his right to do it;

PROJECT NURSEMAID 5

beyond doubt, it was better than "I don't say it's your fault, Tom,supervising psych checks at some ·you've dOJle fine on the other eud,more conventional recruiting depot. ·but if you're going to bounce every'"

"A hell of a way,." he agreed, with body who· can pass the physicals,sincerity, and glanced meaningfully· and if everyone who· gets by you mat his appointment pad. going to· get blacked. out by the

Thursday was apparently net the medics, wel1- I don't know, mayb¢General's day for accepting hints the specs were' set too high. May~gracefully from junior officers; be you've go't to·- well, I don't wantsat down in the visitor's chair, and to' tell you how to do your job,glared. Then he sighed. Tom. I don't kid· myself about that;

"All right, so it's'stilI the' way we I know I couldn't fill your shoes ifhave tfJ; run it. Nobody asked you. l. tried. All I can do is put .it squarelyNobody asked me. And I'll say this, up to you. You've got the figures'Tom, in all fairness, you've done a there in front of Y0l:!. Cold figures.,fine job on one end of it. We're and you know what they mean."getting the babies, and we're de... He stopped tapp~ng long enoughliyering them too . . ." to shove a neatly typed sheet, an

"That's more your work than inch clos'er to the other man. Neithermine, Hal," the Colonellyingly de... of them looked at the sheet; both

.murred. - of them knew the figures by hea'rt."Teamwork," the General' cor~ "Out of three hundred and thirty~

rected. "Not yours or mine,. but six applicants so far, we've acceptedhot~ofus giving it everything we've thirty...eight. We've had twenty...'one l

got. But on this other business; now, ~ssful Sections to date," the'Tom -" His finger tapped a repri- General intoned-. "And six of those.mand on the sheaf of papers under have been successfully transportedhis hand. "-Well, what comes first, ~ to Moon Base. Three have alread,yT~m, the chicken or the egg? All come to term, and been delivered,eggs and no hens, it just won't work." healthy and whole and apparently

Th.e' General stopped to chuckle, in good shape all around.and the Colonel followed suit. "Out of one hundred. and ninety..

"The thing is, naw we've got the six applicants, we have so far 'a£.

bastards - and I mean no disrespect c.epted exactly thr.ee - one, two,to my uniform, Colonel, I'm using three - foster parents. Only one ofthat word literally - now we"V'C those is on the Base now. She's beengot 'em~ what're we going to do with on active duty since the first deliv...'em?" ~ry - that was August 22, if Ire...

His fingers continued to tap on th~ ·member· right, and that makes·pile of reports, not impatiently, but tw~nty-five days today that she'swith emphasis. been on without relief.

6

"Mrs.. ,Kemp left on the rocketthis morning. She'll be on Base­let's see -" He shuffled rocket,sched~les and Satellite-Moon Baseshuttles in his mind. "- Wednes­day, day after tomorrow. Whichmakes t~enty-seven days for Lenox.If Kemp's willing to walk in andtake over on a strange job,Lenoxcan take a regular single leave atthat point; more likely she'll have towait for the next shuttle - thirty­one days on duty, Tom, and most ofit carrying full responsibility alone.And that's not counting the twodays. she was. there before. the firstddivery, which adds up to -let'ssee - thirty-three altogether, isn't

"it?"The Colonel nodded soberly. It

was hard to remember that theGeneral happened, to be right, andthat the figures he was quotingwere meaningful, in terms of humanbeings. Carefully, he lowered men"tal blinds, and \managed to keeptrack of the recital without havingto hear it all. He knew the figures,and he knew the situation wasserious. He knew it a good deal bet...ter than the General did, becausehe knew the people as well as howmany there were ... qr weren't.

MQre women on" more rocketswould make the tally-sheet lookbetter, but it 'wouldn't provide bet..ter care for the babies; not unlessthey were the right' women. Hewaited patiently for a break in theflow of arithmetic, and tried to getthis point across. "I was thinking,"

f

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

he began. "On this leave problem~couldn't we use some of the A"rmynurses for relief duty, till we catc~

up with ourselves? That would takesome of 'the pressure off and I'd alot rather have the kids in the careof somebody we didn't know for .afew days than send up extra peopleon one-year contracts when we doknow they're not adequate."

"It's a last resOrt, Tom. That'sjust what I'm trying to avoid. I'mhoping we won't have to do tha~,?'

the General said ominously. "Rightnow, this problem is in our laps,and nobody else's. If we start askingfor help fro~ the Base staff, andget their schedules fouled up...- I tellyou, Tom, we'll have all the topbrass there is down on us." '

"Of course," he said. "I wasn'tthinking of that angle ..." But helet it go. No sense trying to makeany point against. the Supreme Ar­gument.

"Well, that's my job, not yours,worrying about things like that,"the General "said jovially. But allthe "time, one finger, as if with anindependent metronomic existenceof its own, kept tapping the pile ofpsych reports. "But you know aswell as I do, we've got to start show­ing better results. I've talked tothe Medics, and I'm t.alking to you.Maybe you ought to get togetherand figure how to . . .

"No, I said I wouldn't tell youhow to do your job, and I won~t.

But we've got to have somebodyon that December 8 rocket. That's

~

PROJECT NURSEMAID

the 'oU:tside limit, and it meansyou've got three weeks to' find her.If nobody comes up, I don't thinkwe'll have any choice but to recon­sider some of the rejects, and see ifwe can settle on somebody betweenus." ,

The General stood up;' so did theQ-llonel. "I won't keep you any'longer, T9m. I believe there's ayoung -lady? - outside waitingfor you." He shook his head. "It'sgood thing' I don't have to talk tothem;" the General said feelingly.

The Colopel, again, .agreed.They both smiled. '

The intercom phone on the Wac'sdesk buzzed. The girl sat up straight,watching~ The Wac picked up thereceiver and listened and said crisply,"Yes, sir," and hung up and pushedback her chair and went throughthe door behind the desk, into theColonel's office. .

The girl watched, and when thedoor closed, her eyes moved to thewall ~rror over the long table onthe opposite wall, and she wondered.if she would ever in her life achievethe kind 'of groomed smartness theWac had.~ She was pretty; she·knew

.that without looking in the'mirror.But ·it seemed to her that she wasbulky and shapeless and unformed.Her hair was soft and cloudy-brown­ish, where the Wac's was shininglycoifed' and determinate in color;and where the Wac was trim. andtailoredt- the contours of her ownbody, u~~er the powder-blue suit,

7

were fluid and vaguely indistinct.It's just a matter of getting older,

she thought, and she wondered whatthe Wac would do in the spot .shewas in. But it wouldn't happen·.A woman like th~t wouldn't" let ithappen. Anybody who could keepeach hair in place that way couldkeep a hold on her emotions, too;or at least make sure it was safe,ahead of time.

'The door opened, .and the Wa.csmiled at her. "You can go in now,Mrs. Barton," she said, a little tookindly.

She k!zows! The girl could feel theheat flame in her cheeks. Ofcourse/Everybody here would know whatwas the matter with the girls whowent in to see Colonel Edgerly. ~hew~lked stiffly past the other: woman,without looking.at her.

"Mrs. Barton?" The Colonel stoodup, greeting her. He was too young.Much too young. She could nevertalk to him about - there was noth­ing to talk about. She didn't haveto tell him about anything. Onlyhe should have been older, and notso nice-looking.~e pulled up a chair for her, and

went through all the ordinary ges...tures of courtesy', getting her settled.He was wearing a Colonel's uniformall rigpt, but he didn't looklike one,and he·didn't act like one. Be,tooka pack of cigarettes out of his' deskdrawer, offered her one, and lit itfor her. All that time, she didn'thave to say anything; and 'by then,'she was able to talk.

8

The application-form was a neces­sary formality. He wrote down the.name and address she gave, and alittle ~oubtfully, after AGE, nine­teen. She surprised him by claimingstudeni as her occupation, instead ofthe conventional housewife, but ev­erything else. went. according toexpectations. She had had measlesand mumps, but no chicken pox or.iCarlet fever or whooping cough.No operations, no previous preg­nancies, no congenital conditions.~e chec~ed dow'n the list rapidly,indifferently. When she'd had herphysical, they'd know the accurateanswers to all these things. Mean­time, the girl was answering familiarquestions that she had answered ahundred times before, in less fright­ening places, and they were gettingnear the bottom of the sheet.

He looked over at her, smiling alittle, frowning a little, and hisvoice was apologetic with t4e firstpersonal, and pertinent, question."Have you had a medical examina..ti~n yet?"

"No, they said the interview wasfirst . . . Oh ! You mean for . . . ?Yes. Yes, ofcourse."

"Do you know how far .along youare?" .His eyes were on. the form,and he scribbled as he talked. .

She took a deep breath. "Elev~n

weeks," she said. "The doctor saidlast week it was ten, sb~ so I guessit's eleven now," she finished weakly.

"Doyou think yourhusband wouldbe willing ,to come down for a p~ys..ical? We like to g~t records on both

. FANTASY AND 'SCIENCE FICTION

parents if we can ..." ·There wasnq answer. He .looked up, and shewas shaking her head; her face waswhite, and she wasn't breathing at.all.

"You're quite sure?" h~' said po­litely. "It's not necessary; but itdoes work to the advantage of thechild, if we have as much informa-

, tion as possible.""I'm sorry," she said tightly.

'~He - " She paused, and made upher mind. "He doesn't know aboutit. We're both still -in school, J Co­lonel. If I t~ld him, he'd think hehad', to quit, and· start working~ Ican't tell him."

I t sounded like the truth, almost,but her face was too stiffly composed,and the pulse in her temple beatvisibly against the pale mask. Herwords were too precise, when hetbr~th was coming so .quickly. Shewasn't used to lying. .

"You realize -that what you'redoing here is a real and importantcontribution, Mrs. 'Bat-tonr Don'tyou think he might see it that way?Maybe if I talked to him . . .?"

She shook her ltead again. "No.If it's that important, I guess Ibetter . . ." The voice trailed off,almost out of control, and her lipsstayed ope~ a little, her eyes wide,f~ightened, not knowing what theend of that sentence could possiblybe. .

The Colonel pushed the printeds~eef away from hirp, and lookedat her intently. .It was time for thelast question. .

·/

PROJECT NURSEMAID

'-'M~s. ~arton - What do peoplecall you, anyway? Cecille? Cissy?Ceil? D'o you mind... ?"

"No, that's all. right. CeiL" Itwas a very ~mall smile, but she wasobviously ..more comfortable.

"All 'right, Ceil. Now look­there's a line on the bottom therethat asks your reason for volunteer­ing. I wish it wasn't there, because Idon't like inviting lies. I know, andeverybofly connected with this proj­ect knows, that it takes,some prettyspecial motivation for a woman tovolunteer for something .like this.Occa.sionally we get someone inhere who's doing it out of pure andsimple '- and I do mean simple­patriotism, and then I don't .mind·asking that question. I don't think'that applies to you . . . ?"

She shook her head, and tried asmile. ·

"Okay. I wanted to explain myown attitude before I asked. Idon't care. why you're doing it.I'm damn gla9 you are, ,becauseI think you're the kind of parent wewant. You'll go through some pretty'rugged tests ~fore we accept you,bu~ by this time I can usually tellwho'll get through, and who won't.I think you will. And it's i~ the na­ture of things that if you are theright kind,. you'd have to have a,pretty special personal reason ford " h" ?', .olng t IS ., ••.

He waited. Her lips moved, butno sound came out... She tried again,and when she swallowed, he couldalmost feel ·in his own throat the

9

lump that wouldn't let her lie comeout. He pulled t~e application formcloser to him, and wrote quickly inthe last space at the bottom, thenshoved it across, so she could see:

I think ['m too y~ung to raise a'child properly, and [ want to help out.

"All right?" he asked gently. Shenodded, and there were tears in hereyes. He opened the top drawer andgot her some kleenex. Again she

. started to say something, and swal­IO\J{ed instead; then the dam broke..He wheeled his chair over to hers,and reached out a comforting hand.Then her head was on his shoulder,and she was crying in loud snuffly.childish sobs. When, it began to letup, he gave her some more ~leenex,

and got his ch~ir back in positionso he could kick the button underthe des'k ~nd djm the light a little.

"Still want to go through withit?" he asked.

She nodded."Want to tell me any more?"She did;' she obviously wanted to

very much. She kept her lips pressed·firmly t,ogether, as if the wordsmight get out in spite of herself.

"You .don't have Jo," he said."If you want to, you understand itstops right here. The form is filledout / already. There's nothing elseI have to put on there. But if youfeel like talking a little, now thatwe're -" He grinned, and glancedat the damp spot on his shoulder,"-' now that we're better ac­quainted - well, you ~ight feel bet­ter if y~u spill some of it."

10·

~'1'ihere's nothing to tell,'! she$Ciid' carefully. "N~thing. you don'talready know." Her .face was ex";pressionless; there was no way totell what she meant. .

"All right," he -said. "In that case,sit . back and get comfortable, be­cause ['ve got some things to tell you.The Colonel is about to make aspeech." She smiled, but it was apolite smile no~; for a minute, she·had warmed up, now they werestrangers aga~n.

He had made the, same speech,with slight variations, exactly 237times before. Eve-ry girl or womanwho got past him to the medicsheard it before she went~ The word­ing and the manner changed foreac4 one, but the substance was thesame.

-All he was s~pposed to do. was toexplain the,. nature and purposes oftne' Project. Presumably, they ai­ready.knew that when they came in,.but he was supposed to make sure.He did. He made very sure that theyunderstood, as well as each one wasable, not only the 'purposes, but the'nature: what kind 0 of lives theirchildren might be expected to lead.. It never made any difference. He

knew it wouldn't now. Just once, awoman had cpme to them becauseshe had been warned that carryinga child to term would mean herdeath and the baby's, both. Shehad listened and understood, andhad asked Soberly whether therewere any similar facilities available-privately. He had had to -admit -

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

there were not. The process was tooexpensive, even for .this purpose;except on a large-scale basis. To deit for one infant would' be possible,perhaps, for a Rockefeller or an AgaKhan - not on any lesser scale.'The woman had listened, and hesi­tated, and decided that life; on anyterms, was better than no life at all.

But this girl with her tremuloussmile and her frightened eye~' andher unweathereq skin - this girlhad not yet realized even that it wasa human life she carried inside her...

o self; so far, she understood onlythat she had done something foolish,and that there was a slim chanceshe might be able to remedy theerror without total disaster or toomuch dishonor.

He started with the history of'the Project, e~plaining the 'reasons

.for it, and the thinking behind it:the_psychosom~ticproblems of low­graY and null-weight conditions;the -use of hypnosis, and its inade­quacies; the eventual recognitionthat only those conditioned frominfancy to low-grav conditions wouldever be able to make the Starhop. . . or even live in any comforton the Moon. - ./

He ran through it, but she wasn'tliste,ning. Either she knew it al­ready, ,or she just wasn't interested.The Colonel kept talking, only be­cause 'he was required to brief allapplicants on this material.

"The problem was how to "get thebabies to the" Base. So far, nobody'has been able to take more than four

,

PROJECT NURS~MAID

months of Moon-g~avwithout fairlyserious somatic effects, or else a totalemotional crackup. It wasn't 'prac­tical to take families there, to raise .our crop of conditioned' b~bies, andwe couldn't safely transport womenin their last month of pregnancy,or new-born babies, either one."

She was paying .attention, in, away. She was paying attention tohim, but he could have sworn shewasn't hearing a word he said.

"The operation," he went on,"was devised by Dr. Jordan Zamesh,of the Nqvy ..."

"I'm sorry," she said .suddenly."About your uniform."

"Uniform ... ?" He glanced atthe spot on his shoulder. "Oh, that'sall right. .It's almo~t dry, anyhow.Dacron." Damn! '-He'd miscalcu­la~ed. She was too young to stewover a brief loss of control this way- but she'd been doing it anyhow,and he hadn't· noticed. Which waswhat came of worrying about yourboss when you were supposed tohave your mind .on the customers'.Damn! And double it for the Gen­eral. She might have been ready totalk, and he'd rushed into his littlespeech like an idiot while she satthere getting over the sobbing-spell.All by herself. Without any nicesympathetic help from the nice sym­pathetic man.

"I guess," she was saying; "I"sup­pose you're used to that?"

"I keep the kleenex handy," headmitted.

'~Does everybody -?"

II

"Nope. Just" the ones who havesense· enough to know what they'redoing. The high-powered patriotsdon't, I guess. All the-others do,sooner or later, here or someplace·else." He. looked at her, sittingthere so much inside herself, somiserably determined to sustain herisolation, so falsely safe inside thebrittle armor of her loneliness. Shehad cried for a minute, and crackedthe armor by that much, and nowshe hated herself for it.

"What the hell kind of a womando yo~ think you'd be?" he said­grimly. "If you'll pardon my em­phasis - what th~ hell kind ofwoman could give a baby away with­out crying a little?"

"I didn't have to do it on youruniform."

"You didn't have to, but I'mglad you did."

"You don't have to feel. "She caught herself, just in time, andthe Colonel restrained a smile. ,Shehad almost forgotten that therewasn't any reason to feel sorry forMrs. Barton.

She smoothed out her face, re­gained a part of her composure."I'm sorry," she said. "All I do isapologize, isn't it? Now I mean I'msorry, because I wasn't really listen~

ing to you. I was too embarrassed,I· guess. 1'11 listen now."

He'd lost her again. For a mo~

ment, there had almost been. can'"tact, but now she was gone, alone'with her shell of quiet politeness.The Colonel went on with his speech.

12

" . . the operation is not dan­gerous," he explained, "except in­sofar as any' operation, or the Useof anesthesia, is· occasionally da.n­gerous to a: rare individual. How­eve~, we ha:ve managed. to cut do.wnon even that narrow margin;·. the,physical exams you'll get before theapplication .is ap·proved will prettywell determine whether there is any1'~ason why you slwuld not undergooperative .procedure. .

"Essentially,. what we do; is. a:simple Caesarian section. There aremodifications, e£ course,' to allowthe R~acenta and mem.bnlne to beremoved intact,. but these changesdO not make the operation all.y macedangerous.

"There is a certain percentage ofloss in the postoperative care of theembryos. Occasionally, the nutri­tive surrogate doesn't 'take,' w,hetherbecause of miscalculations on our·part, or unknown factors in the emrbryo, we ca·fl't tell, but for the mostpart, the'embryos· thrive and con­tinue to grow in normal fashion, andthe few that have already beentransported have all survived thetrip-"

"Colonel ... ?"He was relieved; he hadn't en­

tirely misread her. She was. a .niceg~.rl, a good girl, who would be agood wife and mother some day,and she interrupted' just where sheought to.

"Yes?" .He let himself smite alittle bit, and she took it the rightway.

-FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

"Does - Is - I mean, you said,the operation isn't dangerous. Butwhat does it do as far as - havingbabies· later goes?"

"To the best of our knowledge,it will not impair either your abil­ity to conceive or. your capacity tocarry a baby through a normal preg­Ila~cy. Depending on your ownh¢aling potential, and on the resultsof some new techniques we're using,you f!Zay have to have Caesarianswith any future deliveries."

"Ok!"As suddenly as it had- happened

before, when she cried, the falsereserve ofshame and pride and worryfeU away from her. Her eyes werewide, and her tongue flickered outto wet her upper lip before she couldsay, "There'll be a scar! Won't there?This time, I mean?"

There were twO'· things he couldsay, and the one that would comf~rt.

her would also seal her away againb~bind the barrier. of proper man­ners and .assumed assurance. lk'spoke slowly and- deliberately:

"Perhaps you'd better ·tell yourhusband beforehand, Ceil. . . ."

She stared at him,blankly; she'dforgotten about the husband again.Then she sat up in her chair andlooked straight at him.. "You k?wwI'm· not. married!" she said. She wasfurious.

The Colonel sat back and relaxed.He picked up the application blankhe had filled out, ariq calmly tore itdown the center.

"All right," she said tiredly. She

PROJECT NURSEMAID

stood Up. "I'm sorry I wasted yourtime."

"You didn't," he said quietly."Not unless you've. changed yourmind, that is."

Halfway to the door, she turnedaround and looked at him. Shed~dn't say anything, just waited.

He took a fresh form out of his.drawer; and motioned to the chair.'.'Sit dpwn, won't you?" She took a­tentative half-step back towardshim,. and paused, stil~ waiting. Hestood up, and walked around thedesk, carefully not going too closeto her. Leaning. on the edge of thedesk, ~e said quietly, in matter-of­fac t toiles:

"Look, Ceil, right now you'reconfused. You're so angry you don'tcare what happens, and you're feel­ing so beat, you haven't got theenergy to·be mad. You don't knowwhere you're going, or where youcan go. And you don't see any sensein staying. All right, your big guiltysecret is out now, and I personallydon't give a damn - except for onething: that it had to come out be­fore we could seriously consideryour application."

He watched the color come backto her face,. and her eyes go wideagain. "You mean -?" she said andstopped. Looked at the chair; lookedat ~he door; looked at him, waitingagaIn.

"I mean," he said, "bluntly, thatI used every little psychologicaltrick I know to get you to make thatHorrible Admission. I did· it because

13

what we're doing here is both im­portant and expensive, and we don'tt.ake babies without knowing whatwe're getting. Besides which, I thinkyou're the kind of parent we want.I didn't want to let you get away.I hope you won't go now." Hereached out and put a hand on ~er

arm. "Sit down, won't you, Ceil?It won't hurt to listen a while, andI think we can work things out."

This time he pretended not tonotice the tears, and gave her achance to brush them away, and getsettled in the chair again, while hedid some unnecessary rummagingaround in his closet. After that it·went smoothly. They stuck to theassumed name, Barton, but he gother real.name as· well, and the col­lege she was going to. She lived atschool; that would make the arrange­ments easier.

"We can't do it till the fifthmonth," he explained. "If every­thing goes.all right till then, we'canprobably arrarige for an emergencyapp~ndectomy'easily enough. You'llcome in for regular check-tips mean:while; and if things start to get too- obvious, we'll have to work outsomething more complicated, to getyou out of school for a while before­hand. The scar is enough like an ap­pendix scar to get away with," headded.. The one thing ·he had really beendisturbed about was her age, but sheinsisted she was really nineteen, andof course he could verify that withthe school. And the one thing. she

14

wouldn't break down about was thefather's name. He decided that couldwait. Also, he left out the un·fjnishedl

part of his speech: the part about'- the training the c~ildren' wouldhave. For this girl, it was clear, theonly realities were in the immediatepresent, and the once-removed; di­reet' consequences of present acts.She was nineteen; the scar mattered,but the ~hild did not. Not yet.

He took her to the outer officeand asked Helen, at the desk, tomake an appointment for her withMedical and to give her the stand­ard literature~ Helen pushed a smallstack of phone messages over ,to·him, and he riffled· through. Justone urgent item, a woman in the in­firmary with a fit of postoperativemelancholia. Th.ey're all in such adamn hurry to get rid of the~ babies,he thought, and then ;they want tf)'

kill themselves afterwards!- And' thisnice girl, this pretty child, would·,'be the same way....

Helen had Medical on the phone."Tell them I'll be right down,"he told her, "for Mrs. Anzio. Ten...fifteen minutes."

She nodded, confirmed the timeand ·date for Ceil's appointment,and repeated the ,message, then lis­tened a .minute, nodding.

"All -right, I'll tell him." Shehung up, pulled a prepared stuffed,manila envelope out of her file, 'andhanded it to the girl. '''Four fifteen,Friday. Bring things for overnight.You'll be able to leave about Sundaymorning." She smiled professionally,

FANTASY J\ND SCIENCE FICTION

scr~bbling the time on an appoint-ment-reminder slip. \

UI'll have to get a weekend pass..:- to stay overnight,'" the. girl saidhesitantly.

. "All right. Let us know if you,can't do it this weekend, and we'llfix it when you can." The eo-lone}:led her to the door, and turned backto'· his secretary inquiringly.

·'·'They said QO rush, but you bet­.ter see_her before you leave today.They're afraid it might get suicidal.':

"Yeah. 1 know." He looked at her,smart and brisk and shiny, the per­fect Lady Soldier. She had been oc'"cupying that desk for three weeksnow, and he had yet to find a chinkor .peephole in the gleaming wall ofher efficiency. Andfor an old PeepingTom like me, this is going someI' Thethought was indignant. "You know·what?" he said.

"Sir?""This is a hell of a way to run an

Armyl""Yes, sir," she said; but she man­

aged to put a good deal of meaninginto it.

"I take it you agree, but you don'tapprove. If it will make you feelany better, I have the General'sword for it. He told me so himself.Now what about. this Brownewoman?"

"Oh. She called twice. The sec'"ond time she told me she wants toapply for FP. I told her you were inconference, and would call her back.She was very --:- insistent."

"I see. Well, you call her back,

PROJECT NURSEMAID

and make an appointment for to"morrow. Then ... '~

"There's another FP coming to­morrow afternoon," she remindedhim. "A Mrs. Leahy."

"Well! Two in one day. Maybebusiness is picking up. Put Brownein first thing in the morning. Thencall the Dean of Women at Hender­son, and make an appointment forme - I'll go there - any time that'sconvenient. Sooner the better. Tellher it's the Project, but don't saywhat about." There were three moremessages; he glanced. at them again,and tossed them back on 'her desk."You can handle these. I b~tter gosee that Anzio woman."

"What shall I tell General Martin,sir?" She picked up the slip withthe message from his office, and stud­ied it with an air of uninformed be­wilaerment.

The Peifect Lady Soldier, all right,he decided. No bucks passed to her.,'Tell his secretary that I had to rushdown to Medical, and I'll ring himback when I'm done," he said, andmanaged to make it sound as if thatwas what he'd meant all along.

II

In ,the morning, very slightlyhung over, he checked first. withthe Infirmary, and was told thatMrs. Anzio had been quiet after heleft, had eaten well, and had spentthe night under heavy sedation.She was quiet now, but had refusedbreakfast.

15

"She s~pposed to go home to­day?'"

"That's right, sir.""Well, don't let her go. I'll get

down when I have a chance, andsee how she sounds. Who's 0.0.down there? Bill Sawyer?"

"Yes, sir.""Well, tell him I'd suggest stop­

ping sedation now.""Yes, sir."He hung 'up and buzzed Helen.

"You can send Miss Browne innow."

Miss Browne settled her bonybottom on the. edge of the visitors'chair..She was dressed in black, withone smart-looking gold pin on herlapel to show she was modern andbroad-minded - and a mourning..band on her sleeve, tQ show shewasn'~ too forgetful of the old-fash..ioned proprieties. She spoke in afaintly nasal whin'e, and used ele­gant, refined language and diction.

It took about 60 seconds to deter-·­mine that she could not be seriouslyconsidered for the job. It took an­other 60 minutes to go through theformality of filling out an applica"tion blank, and hearing her reasonsfor wanting to spend a ,year at MoonBase in the servi~e of the State.. Ittook most of the re~t of the morningto compose a report that mightmake clear to the General just whythey could not use an .apparentlyhealthy woman of less than thirty­five years, with no dependents orclose attachments (her father ha~

just died, after a long illness, dlJriag

16'

which she had given up "everything"to care for him), with some nursin~

experience, and. with a stated desireto "give. what I can for society,now that there is nothing more Ican do for my beloved father."

Give, he. thought. Give till it hU1f$.

Then give a little more,' iill it hurtsas, much as possible. It was inevitablethat this sort of jeb should. attraG t

-the martyr types; inevi~able, butstill you wondered, when nine­tenths. of the' population had neverheard of the Project, just how 50

many of this. kind came so swiftlyand, unerringly to his waiting room.

He wrote it dQwn· twice for ,the"General: once with psychologi£aljargon, meant. to impr~ss; and againwith adjectives. and exam:ples, anda case history or two, meant to·educate. When he was, dQne, he hadlittle hope that he- had succeeded: in'making 'his· point. He signed the Ie­port and handed, it. to Helen to sendup. .

MIS. Leahy, in the afternoon, was-a surprise. ~_ .

She "Walked into his office witbno sign of either the r~luctance-and,..

doubt or the eagerness-and-arro­gance that marked, almost every ap­plica/at 'who entered there. She satidown comfortably' in the visitarst.chair, and introdl5.ced herself with afriendliness a'ad social ease that mad'eit clear she was, accustomed to 'me~t­ing strangers.

She was a plump~ not fat­,attractive woma~ past her firstya:tth, but in appearance not yet

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

what could be called middle..aged.He was startled when she stated· herage as forty"sev~n; he. was furtherstartled when she stated her otcupa'"tion.'

'''Madam·,'' she said, and chuckledwith pleasure when he couldn't helphimself frem looking up sharply'.~'You don't know how I've beeRwaiting to see.·your face when I saidthat,-"" she explained, and he thoughtwearily, I should have k!zown. Justanether exhibitionist. For a few,min'"utes, he had begun to thirik he ha~

one they could use."Do you always show your feel:..

itigs all over yout face like that?"she asked gleefully. "You'd' think,in your job - The reason I was look-­ing forward to saying it was - well·,two reasons. First, I figured yau'dbe one of these suave-faced' opera­tors, professionally unsnockable, andI wanted to jolt you."

"You did,. and I am," he saidgrav~ly. "Usually."

She smiled. "Second, I'm notQften in a position to pull off any­thing like that. People would disaprprove, and what's worse, they'drefuse to wait on me in stores, orread me lectures, or - anyhow, itseemed to me that here I could juststart out tell~g the truth, seeing thatyou'd find out anyhow. I d<m't sup'"'pose the people you ace'ept get seRtup before you'ye checked them:?'f.

"You're right again." He pushedlhis. chair back, and decided to relaxand enjoy it. He like~ this woman."Tell me some more."

PROJECT NUR SEMAID

She did,. at length and entertain-­·i~gly. She was. a successful busine~woman. She had proved that muchto her own satisfaction, and now' shew.as bOred. The house ran itself, al­most, and was earning more moneythan she needed: for personal ,use.She had: no real interest in expand..ing her operations; success' for itsown sake meant nothing to· her. Shehad somehow 'escaped' the tradi..tienal pitfalls .of Career; maybe itwas th€ specialized n~ture' of herbusiness· that never let her forgetshe was a- woman, and' so pre~erved

her femininity of both viewpointand personality.

It was harder to understand howshe had managed to escape thenormal'occupational c;lisease of' herworld: th~ yearning for respectabil..ity and a place in- tonventiot:lalsociety. Instead she wanted. newplaces, new fuces~ .and some~hing. todo. that would .make Use of her abil­ities and: give scope to her abundanta'ffections.

"I've' never had children of myown,'" she said, and for the filiSttime lost a:'traceof her aplomb. "I ­you realize, in my business,. youdon'tsta&:t out at the top? A lot ofthe girls are sterile to start with, anda lot more get that way. Since rstarted my own place, the girlshave been, almost like my own~Some of them, the ones I keep - but~ ... I tliink I'd; like .to. have someteal babies~ to· ta·ke· care of. '.' Hervoice' came back to normal: "Get­ting to.gr~dmotherage, I guess~n:

17

"I see." He sat. up briskly, andfinished the official form, makingquick notes as sb.e parried his ques­tions~ith efficient quiet answers.When- he was done, he -looked upand· met her eyes, unwillingly. "Imay as: well be frank with you, Mrs.Leahy~"

"Brushoff?" she broke in·-softly.He, nodded. ",I'm afraid so." S'h-e

started" to get up, and he reachedout a hand, invQlunta.rily, as if tohald her in het seat. "Don.'t go justyet. Pleas~. There's. something I'dlike! to· say." '

Sp.e sat still, waiting,. the bit..terness behind her eyes veiled withpolite curiosity.

"Just . .-." He hesitated, want..ing to pick the right words. to' getthrough her sudden defenses. "Justthat, in my personal opini~n, you'rethe best prospect we've had in': sixmonths. I haven't got the .nerve to~ it in so many words, when Imake my report. But I didn't fillout that form "juSt to· use up moreof your time. -If it were up· to· m'e,you'd be on your way down for aphysical exam right now.. Unfor­tunately, I am not the custodiall ofmoralities in this Army, or even onProject.

"What I'm gomg to do is· send. ina report recommending that we re­serve decision. I'll tell you now inconfidence that we're havin'g a hardtime getting the right kind of peo~

pfe. The day may come -" ·He'-broke off, and looked· at her almostpleadingly. "¥ou und'crstand'? I

can't ·recommend you, and if I did,- I'd be overruled. But I wish I could,~nd if tl)ings change, you may stillhear from us."

"I understand." She stood up,looking tired; then, with an effort,she resumed her c~eerful poise, andtook his offered hand to shake .good-,by. "I won't wish you bad luck, 59'- goodby.~'

"Goodby. And 'thank you," hesaid with sincerity, "for coming in."

Then he wrote up his report, wentdown to see the Anzio woman,cleared her for release, and wenthome where. a half-empty bottlewaited from the nigllt beforo..

There was no summons from theGeneral w~iting for him in themorning, 'a11d no friendly, casualvisit d.uring the hour before he leftto see Dean Lazarus at' Henderson.H~ didn't know whether to regardthe silence as ominous or hopeful;so he forgot it, temporarily, andconcentrated on the Dean.

He approached her cautiously,with generalizations about the Proj~

ect, and the hope that if she wereever in a position to refer anyone totttem, she would be willing to co;'operate, etc. etc. She was pleasant,polite, and intelligent for half anhour, and then she became impa­tient.

'''All right, Colonel, suppose wecom~ to· the point ?"

"What point did you have inmind?" he countered warily.

"I have two students waiting out...

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

side to see 'me," she said~ "and 1imagine you also have other busi­ness to attend to. I take it 'one ofour girls is in what is called 'trou­ble'-? She came to you, and you w~nt

to know'whether I'll work with you,or whether the kid will get bouncedOllt of school .if I know abOllt it~Stop me if I'm wrong."

"Go on," he said."All right. The answer is, it de...

pends on the girl. There are someI'd grab any chance to toss out..ButI'd guess, from the fact that shewound up coming to you, she eitherisn't very experienced 'or she isconscientious. Or both."

"I'd say both, on the basis of ourinterview."

She looked him over thought...fully. Lousy technique, he thought,a~d had to ~curb a wicked impulseto ham up his role and confuse herentirely; it wasn't often he ~ad achance to sit in the visitors·' chair.

That studying look of hers wouldput anybody on the defensive, hethought critically, and then realizedthat maybe it was meant to do justthat. Her job didn't have the samerequirements as his.

"Let me put it this way," shesaid finally~ "I'm here to try to helpseveral hundred adolescent femalesget some education into their heads,and I don't mean just out of books.I"m also here to see to it that theCollege doesn't get a bad reputa...tion: no major scandals or suicides,or anything like that. If the girl isworth helping, and if you want my

19

Unless something unexpected turnedup in the p~ysical, the only problemDOW was getting the necessary dataon. the father.

PROJECT NURSEMAID

cooperation in a plan that will -keepthings' quiet and- respectable, andmake it possible for her to- continueat school- believe me, you'll haveit."

That left it squ~~ely up· to him~ When he got back to the office,Was· the girl "worth helping"l 011 the'memo from the General was onrather: would Dean. ~rus thin'k. his desk.so?' TO: Edgerly

'11 think," he said slowly, "I'lt. FROM : Martinhave to· ask you tQ: promise me first [No titles. Informal. That ineant.- since your judgment and min<t· it wasn't the death-blow yet.may not agree - that you won't use Not quite.]any information you get from me RE: Applicants for PN's and FPagainst the girl. If you don"t want poszizons.to help, when you know who it is·, After reading. your reports of yes..you'll just sit' back. All right?" terday, 9/1'6, and after giving the

She thought that o'ver. "Provid.. matter some thought, bearing in minding I don't happen to acquire the our conversation of9/15, .it seems tosame information from other me that we might hold off on accept-'sources," she said. ing'- any further PN's until· the FP

"Without going looking for it," he situation clears up. Suggest you defC1'added. all further interviews for PN's. Let's

"I'm an honest woman, COlonel put our minds to· "the other part oftheEdgerly." problem, and see what we can do ..

"I think you are. I have ~our This is urgent, Tom. Ifyou have any.word?" suggestions, ['II be glad to hear them,.

"You do.. " any time."The girl's name is CeciUe Cha'" It was signed, in scrawly pencil,

~ute.- You know her ... ?" ~:H. M. Just a friendly note. But"Ceilt Oh, my God! Of course. attached to it was a detailed sched~

It's always·tJ'te ones you don't worry ule of PN acceptances, operations,about!' Who's the boy? And why on shipments, and deliveries to date,earth don't they just get married, plus a projected schedule ·of opera~.

and- ... ?" tiQns, shipments, and theoretical dueHe was shaking his head'. "I don't dates ror deliveries. Thesecond sheet

·know. She wouldn't say. That's one was even adjusted for statistical ex'"thing I thought you' might be ab~e pectations of losses all along the line.to help me with...." What emerged, much more clearly

He left ve~y shortly afterwards. than it had in the General's solemnThat part, at least, would be all r~ght. speechmaking, was that it would. be

20

necessary not only to have one moreFoster Parent trained and ready toleave in less than three months, butthat through January and Februarythey would need at least one moreFP on· every biweekly rocket, totake care of the deliveries alreadyscheduled.

Little Ceil didn't know how'lucky she was. Just in under the wire,kid. S~e was lucky to have somebodylike that Lazarus dame on ·her side,too.

And that was an idea. People likeLazaru§ could help. '

He buzzed Helen, and spent mostof the rest of the day dictating along and careful memo, proposing apublicity campaign for Foster Par­ent applications. If ,the percentageof acceptances' was low, the logicalthing to do about it was.increase thetotals, starting with the applica­tions. Now that he'd have moretime to devote to FP work, withthe curtailments on PN, he mightfruitfully devote some part 'of it toa publicity campaign: discreet, ofcourse, but designed to reach thosegroups that might provide the mostuseful rnaterial.. The Colonel was pleased when hehad 'finished. He spent some timemapping out a rough .plan of ap'"proach, using Dean Lazarus as hisprototype personality. Social work...ers, teachers, personnel workers­these were the people with the con­tact~ and the judgmell:t to providehim with a steady 'stream of re'"ferrals.

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION·

Five women to find in two months- with this program, it might evenbe possible. .

The reply from the General's of-·fice next morning informe"d himthat his suggestion was being con­sidered. For some weeks, apparently,it continued to be considered, with­out further discussion. During thattime, the Colonel saw Ceil Chanuteagain, after her Med report camethrough okayed, and then went tosee Dean Lazarus once more.

Neither of them had had anyluck fi~ding out who the boy was.They worked out detailed plans forCeil's "appen.dectomy," and theDean undertook to handle the girl'sfamily. She felt strongly that theyshould not be told the truth, and theColonel was content to let her exer­cise her own judgment.

At th~ end of the two weeks, an­other applica.Q.t came in. The Co­lonel tried his unconscientious bestto convince himself the womanwould do; but he knew she wouldn't.This time it took less than an hourfor an answer from the General'soffice. A phone call, this time.

"... I was just thinking, Tom,until we start getting somewhere onthe FP angle - I notice you've gotsix PN's scheduled that aren't proc­essed yet. Three-four of them,there are loopholes. I think we oughtto d~op whate"er we can . . . ?"

"If you think so, sir.""Well, it ma~es sense to me.

There's one the Security boys.

PROJECT NURSE~ID

haven't been able to get a completecheck on; something funny there.And this, gal who· won't tell us thefather's name. And the one who wassupposed to come in last week andpostponed it. We can tell her it'stoo late now . . . ?"

"Yes, sir. I'll have to see them,of cours~. These women are prettydesperate, sometimes. They - well,I think it would be better to can"sider each case separately, talk toeach one~ There's no telling whatsome of them might do. y{e don'twant any unfavorable publicity,"he said, and waited for some re~

sponse to the pointed reminder.There was none. "No, of course

not. You use yout" judgment, Tom,that's all, but I'd like to have are"port on each one - just let me knowwhat you do about it. Every bit c;>fpressu:re we can get off is going tohelp, you know."

And that was all. Nothing abouthis Memo. Just a gentle warningthat if he kept on being stubborn,he was. going to be backed up a little

.further - each. and every time.He got the'file folders on the

three cases, and studied two ofthe•. The "Barton" folder·he nevereven opened. He fo~nd he was feel..ing just a little more stubborn thanusual.

Sergeant Gregory carne in, andhe dictated a letter of ~nquiry to thewoman who had· failed to' keep herappointment, then instructed theSergeant to' call the other one', andmake an appointment for her to

2I

come in and see him. "But first," hefinished, "get me Dean Lazafus atHenderson, will you?"

III

Waiting out there in the- roomwith the Wac and the mirror was·almost as bad as it had been the firstti~e. Something was wrong. Some'­thing had happened to spoil every­thing. It had .to be that, or hecouldn't have got her called out ofclass. Not unless it was really im...portant. And how, did he explain it'to Laza.r anyhow?

She sat there for five minutesthat seemed like hours,- and thenthe door opened and he came outwith a wel~om~ng smile on his lips,and all of a sudden everything wasall right.

"Hi. You made good time, kId..Come on in." -,

"I took C\ cab. I didn't'change oranything." It couldn't be very -bad,if he looked so calm.

"Well, don't change next timeeither," he said, closing the doorbehind them. "Jeans are mo~e yourspeed. And a'shirt like that comingin here once in a while does a lot tobrighten up my life."

The main thing was, .he had saidnext time.. She let out a -long breathshe di,9n't know she'd been holding,and sat down iIi the big chair.

"All right," he said, as soon ashe had gone through the preliminaryri~iIal of lighting cigarettes. "Nowlisten close, kid', because we are in'

22

what might be called a jam. A mess.Difficulties~ Froblems."

"I figured that when you called."But she wasn't really worri~d anymore. Wh~tever it was, it couldn'tbe .very bad. "I was wondering­what did you tell the Dean?"

"The Dean . . . ? Oh, I told herthe truth, Ceil. About two daysafter you first came in." .

"You what?" Everything was up'"side down; nothing made sense. Shehad been asked to one of Lazar'steas yesterday. The old girl had beensweet as punch today about the call,and excusing her from classes. "Whatdid you say?" she asked again. .

"I said, I t9ld her the truth, awayback when. ·Now, listen 'a minute.You're nineteen years old and you'rea good girl, so you still respect Au...thority: Authority being people likeSarah Lazarus and myself. Only itjust so happens that people like usare human beings too. I don't ex'"pect you to believe t~at, just be­cause I say it, but try to pretend fora few minutes, will you?" There wasa smile playing around the cornersof his mouth. She didn't knowwhether to be angry or amused orworried. "I.went in to see Mrs.Lazarus in the hope that she'd co'"operate with us in planning your'appendectomy.' It "turned out shewould. She thinks a lot of you, Ceil,and /she was glad -to help."

"You took an awful chance," shesaid slowly.

"No. I m~de sure of my ground.before I said anything. A lot surer

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

than I am no~. I think when youget back, you better go have a talkwith the lady. And after that, youbetter remember that she's 'keepingher mouth shut, and' it would be agood idea if you did the same. Yourealize the spot she'd be on, if othergirls found out . . . ?"

She flushed. "I'm not likely to domuch talking," she reminded him,and immediately felt guilty, becauseSally knew. It was Sally who hadsent her to that doctor ...

"Everybody talks to somebody,"__ 'he said fla tly. "When you feel likeyou have to talk, try to come here.If you can't, just be carFful whoit is."

His voice was sharp and edgy;she'd never heard him talk thatway before. I didn't do_anything, shethought, bewildered. He cleared histhroat, and when he. spoke again,.his voice sounded more normal. .

"All right, we've got that out ofthe way. Now: the. reason I askedyou to come in such a hurry - well,to put it bluntly, and without toomuch detail, there've been some ..policy ch~nges higher..up here, andthere's pressure being put on me todrop as many of the PN's corningup as I ca.n find excuses for."

PN's? she wondered, and thenrealized - PreNatal.

". . . I didn't want to do this.I hop~d you'd tell.me in your owntime:" She'd missed something; shetried to figure it out as he wentalong. "If you didn't - well, we'vehandled two..three cases before where

PROJECT NURSEMAID

the father could not be located."·:Ohl _""Tillnow," he went on, "I

thought if we couldn't convince youthatit was in the best interests of thechild for y~u to let 'us know, wemight be able to get by .withoutinsisting. But now I'm afraid I'mgoing to have to ask you to te~l mewhether ·you want to or not. I'llpromise to use every bit of tacta~d discretion possible, but-"

"I can't,"· she broke in."Why' not?""Because I••• I can't." If she

told the reason, it would be as bad.as telling it all.

"Not even if i~ .means you can'thave the operation?"

That's not fair! There was noth­ing she could say.

"Look, Cei~ if it's just that youdon't want him to know, we mightbe able to work it that way. Mostpeople have physical exams W1 rec­ord .one·:place or another, and thelittle bit more that we like to knowabout the father, you can probablytell us - or we can find out otherways. Does that change the pictureany?"

She bit h~r lip. Maybe they couldget all the infQrmation without­not without going through the Acad­emy, they couldn't. It was there,~hat was true enough. Charliewouldn't have to know at all--=-­n9t till they kicked him out ofschool, that is! She shook.her head.

"Look," he said. He was pleading\vith her ~ow. Why didn't ~e just

23

tell her to go to hell and throw her'out, if it was all that important?'Why should it matter to him?"Look, I'm supposed to be send.:.ing you a regretful note right now.But the fact is, if I can put in are..port that you came in today, beforeI could take' any action, and- thatyou voluntarily cleared up the prob­lem ... do you understand?"

~.'Yes," she said. "I think I do.""You're thinking that this is a

trick? I tricked you once' before, sothat you told me what you didn'tmean to. Now I'm doing it again?Is that it?"

"Aren't you?" <-

"No." His eyes met hers, and heldthere. She wanted to believe him.

.. He had admitted it the other time'- but not till after he found outwhat he wanted to know.

"Maybe I don't ktzow," she said~pitefully. That was silly, a childishthing. to say. Sudd'enly she realizedhe hadn't spok~n since she said it,and-

Migod! Suppo-se he believes it! Shelooked up swiftly, and found a smileon his lips. .

"Why on earth would you tell mea thing like that?" he asked mildly."Are you feeling wicked today?"

All right, she tho~ght, you win.But she needed a. few minutes; shehad to think it out. "Thank you,"sne said, stalling, but also becauseshe meant it.

"You're welcome I'm sure. Whatfor?"

"At the doctor's I went to-

24

'they asked me ifl knew who it was.", The Colonel smiled. "You're anice girl, Ceil. Don't forget it.-You're a nice-girl, and it shows allover you, and anybody who can'tsee it is crazy. That doctor shouldhave his head examined."

"It wasn't the doctor. It was thenurse."

"That e~plains it." When hegrinn~d like that" he s.eemed hardlyany older than she was.

"You mean she was just being­.well, catty?"

"That's one" way of putting it."He opened his bottom desk drawer,arid pulled out a round shavingmirror, with a little stand on it.She took the mirror hesitantly, whenhe handed it to her. Jonathan Johad.a mouth like. an 0, And a whCel­harrow full of surprises . . . or a-desk drawer. She held th~ mirrorgingerly, p.ot .sure what it was fot.

"I'm sorry," she giggled. "I don'tshave yet. I'm too young."

He· smiled. "Take a look.". 'She didn't want to. She' looked

quickly, and tried to hand it back,but he didn't take it. He left it lyingon the desk..

"All right," he said. "Now:' doyou remember what the other ladylooked like? The nurse?"

"·She Was blonde," Ceil recalledslowly. "Dyed-blonde, I mean, andher- skin was sort of - I guess shehad too much powder Oll. But shewas kind of good-looking.~'

"Was she? How old do you thinkshe was?" .

FAN·TASY AND' SCIENCE FICrION

"Oh, maybe, I don't know-:­.forty?"

"And why do you suppose she .wasworkjng in a place like that?"

She sat there, 'and tried to thinkof an answer. What kind of reasonwould a woman have for working{or that kind of a doctor? All sheCQuid think of was what her motherwould have said: Well, you k!zow,dear, some people just don't care. Idon't suppose she thinks about it, justso long as she earns a living. They'rewell paid, you kpow.

That's what was in the back of-herown mind, too~ u~ til she stopped tothink about it; and then she couldn'tfigure out an answer. She couldn'tthink of any reason that could makeher do it.

·She looked at him hopelessly,like a child caught unprepared ingrammar school, and she saw he wasgrinning at her again. Not in amean way; it was more as if he werepleased with her for trying to an­swer than making fun b~cause shecouldn't.

Maybe the important thing wasj~st to try. That's what he'd beentrying to tell her. That was the wayhe thought ({bout people, all thetime.

"I can't tell you his name," shesaid, and took a deep breath and letout a rush of words with it, all runtoge ther : ' ,He's-a-cadet -at -the­Space-Academy-they'd --:'~ She hadto stop and breathe again. "'They'dthrow him out."

"I don't think so," h~ said

PROJECT NURSEMAID.

.thoughtfully. "I think we couldmanage it so they ..." His voice:trailed off. .

"You don't know how tough theyare there -" she insisted, and thenstopped .h.erself. "I guess you do."

He was silent for a moment, andthen he said unexpectedly, "Nope.You're right." His voice was bitter."That's exactly what they'd do."He sat and thought some more;then he smiled, looking very tired~

"All right. All we .really care aboutwith the father is the physical exam.If you want to get in touch withhim ~yourself, and ask him to comein, using a~y name he wants, thatwould do it. Or if yo~'d rath~r, youcan tell me, off the record, and I'llget in touch. But either way, yo~

have my word his name won't getany farther than this chair withoutyour permission."

She thought about that. Sheought to do it herself, but ...'~l'd trust you," she said. "If that'sall right. If you don't mind. I'd­just 'as lief not~ I don't re~lly

want to see him, if I don.'t have to.""Any way. you .want it, kid."

He wrote down the name, when shetold him, on a piece of paper fromhis memo pad: Charles Bolido. Hedrew. a line slowly, under the twowords; then he looked up at her,and down at the pad again, anddrew another line,· very dark andswift, beneath the first.

"Look, Ceil, it's none of my busi­ness if you don't want to talk aboutit, but - well, are you sure you

25

·know what.you want to dor Be.fQreI get in touch with the boy - well,put it this way: are ~you giving hima.fair break? I gather you're not .onvery goOd terms any more, and yousay he doesn't know about the baby.Maybe-"

"No," she said.He smiled. '.'Okay, kid. It's your

life, not mine. Only one thing: whatdo I do if he wants to see you?Suppose he wants to quit school andget married?"

"He won't," she said, but shehad to clear her throat before thewords came out right. "He won't."And she remembered....

• • . -the grass was greener than anygrass had ever been, and the water f:Vas!?luer, and the sky was far and highabove and beyond while. he talkedabout the rockets that would tak~ himon· top of the·flu.ffe~-out clouds, ,!-ndaway beyond' the other side of 'thepowder~P1fff daytime moon. The suntrailed across the vaulting heaven, ~ndthe ·shade of the oak tree jell .awayfrom them.· They were hot and happy,. a.nd hejumped up, and took her hands,and she stood up into his arms. .

"Love you, babe," he whisperedin her ear.

She leaned .back and looked up athim and in the streaming sunlight heseemed to be 01) fire with beauty andstrength and youth and she said, "Ilove you, Charlie," savoring the words,tasting them, because she had neversaid them before.

She thought a frown crossed his\

fllce, but she wouldn't believe it, notthen. He took her hand, and they rantogether down into the water.

It wasn't till later, in the car, thatshe had to believe the frown,. that waswhen he began explaining carefully,in great detail, what his plans were,what a Spaceman's life was like, andwhy he could not think about marriage,not seriously about any gir~.

,He never even knew it had been thefirst timefor her, the only·time. •.•

She couldn't explain all that._ Shesat still'and looked at the man acrossthe desk, the· man with the nicesmile and the understanding eyesand. the quiet voice. Charlie haswavy black hair, she remembered;the Colonel's was sandy..colored 'andstraight, crew:..(:ut. Charlie had broadshoulders -and ,his skin was bronzedand he had a way of tilting his headso that he seemed to be ,looking offinto the distance, too far for her tosee. The Colonel. was Dice..enough­looking, but his skin was pale andhis shoulders a little bit round­from working indoors, at a desk', allthe time, she supposed. Only, whenhe looked at you, he saw you, andwhen he listened, he understoOd.She could·n't explain the wholething, but of course, she didn't haveto ... . nnt to him.

"He won't want to," she -saidquietly; she had no trouble talkingnow. '''If he says so, he won't reallymean it. He - he couldn't give'upthe Space school. That's all he ever·wanted. les the only thing that

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

matters to him." She said it-evenly,in-a- detached objective' way, justthe way she wanted to, and thenshe. sat absolutely still, 'wait~g forwhat he'd say.

He tapped his pencil, upsidedown, on the top of the desk. She,couldn't see his face at all. Then helooked up, and he had a made"upsmile on his face this time, a smilehe didn't mean.' He nodded his heada I1ttle. "I see." Then he stoOd up,and came around to the side of thedesk where she .-was sitting, and putboth his hands on her shoulders,and with his thumbs against thesides of her jaw, he tilted her face up,so she was looking straight at him.

"You're a goOd girl, Ceil." Hemeant that. "'Xou're a hell of a goOdgirl, and the chances are Charlie is

,a lot better than you give himcredit for. Therefor -" He laughed,and let go of her shoulders,' andleaned back against the desk. ". . . lam not. going to give you the fondpaternal kiss I had in mind a momentago. You might misunderstand~"

He grinned. "Or you might "not."He wanted her to go now. She

stoOd up, but there was a feeling ofsomething more she had· to say.;"1 wish you had," was what shesaid, and she was horrified. Shehad~'t even thought that.

"All right," he said. "Let's pre­tend I did. Didn't you wear a coat?"

"I had a jacket. I guess I left itoutside."

He had the door open. "I'll letyou know how it turns out," he

PROJECT NURSEMAID

promised her, and then he turned·around and started talking to theWac.

He didn't even see her out theother door.

IV

Once each month, on the average,a Miracle came to pass, and a womanentered Colonel Edgerly's office who.seemed, in his judgment, emo­tionally ·fit to undertake a share ofthe job of giving 200 homeless,motherless, wombless infants thekind of care that might help themgrow up to be mature human beings.

He had thought the Miracle forthis month '~as used up when Mrs.Leahy came in. It was a MajorMiracle, after all, whe~ one of thesewomen could also pass the Medicaland Security checks, as well as hisown follow-ups with the formalpsych tests. To date, in 'almost nine ­months of interviewing, there hadbeen' only three, such Major Mir­acles.

Mrs. Serruto, the Colonel sus­pected, was not going to be thefourth. But if she failed, it wouldlikely be in Me~ics; m~antime, hecould have the satisfaction at leastof turning i~ one more favorablepreliminary report.

She came in the morning after hisinterview with Ceil, without an ap­pOintment, and totally unexpected- a gift. he decided, directly from a 'watchful Providence to him: Virtue.had proved an inadequately self-

27

sufficient reward through a restlessnight; but surely Mrs. Serruto hadbeen ·Sent to make recompense.

Little girls with big blue eyes shouldkeep their- transferences out of myoffice, he wrote rapidly on a crispsheet of white paper. He underlinedit, and added three large exclama­tion points. Then he filed .it neatlyin his bottom desk drawer - thesame one that. held his unpublishedarticle - and turned to Mrs. Ser­cuto with a sqlile. She was settledand comfortable now, ready to t~lk;

and so. was he. He pulled over anapplication pad, and began fillingthings in, working his way to the'bottom, and the important personalqu·estions. "-

He paused a momen.t at ~CCUPA­

TION - but .it couldn't happentwice. It didn't. "Housewife," shesaid. -quietly; then she smiled andadded, "But I think I'm out of a job.That's why I came." .

He listened while she told himabout herself and her family, and he.actually began to hope. Her son wasin the Space Service already, on theSatellite. He'd just passed his yearof. Probationary, and now thedaughter-in-law had qualified for acivilian job up there. The. youngwife and the two grandsons had beenliving with ·her; the grandmotherkept house, while the mother wentto school, tq learn astronomical no-tation. .

Now the girl was going up to bewith her husband ,and to work as an0b.servatory technician an)! secre-

28

tary; the boys would go to Yuma,to the school SpaServ maintai:ned'for just that purpose.

"We weren't sure about the boys,"Mrs. Serruto explained. "We talkedit over every which way, whetherthey'~ be better off staying with me,or going to Yuma, but the way theywork it there, the children all'have aturn to go up Satellite on vacations,'and they have an open radio connec­tion all the time. And of course,it's such- a wonde~ful school. . ~ .It was. just they seemed awfully,young to be 'on their own, but thisway they'll be· closer to their ownparents th3:n if they were with me'."

"What made you decide on a Fos­ter Pafent job, Mrs. Serruto·?" Lether just answer right once morc, heprayed, to whatever Providence hadsent her there. Just -once more . . ."Most of the 'applicants here are agood deal younger .than you are,"he added. "It's unusual to ·fin<l awoman of your age willing to startout in a. strange place again." Hesmiled. "A very strange place."

"I - Oh, it's foolish for me to tryto fool y~, isn't it? You're a trainedpsychologist, I.guess? Well, all thereasons you'd think of are part of it:I'm not young, but I still have my.strength, - thank the Lord, and Ikind of like the idea of somethingnew. Lots of people my age feelthat way; look at all the retired peo­ple who start traveling. And keepinghouse in the same -town for thirty­two years can kind of give you a yento see the world. But if you want the

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

--honest answer, sir, it's just that Iheard, I don't know if it's true, butI heard that if you get one of thesejobs, you spend your leaves onSatellite . . . ?"

She was watching him anxiously;he had to resmin his' own satisfac­tion, so as not to mislead her. Shewasn't in yet, by a long shot - but'he· Was going to 90 everything h~

could to get her there.-"That's, right," he told her. "In

theory, you get four days off out.of every twenty. The shuttle be..tween Base and Satellite is on afour-day schedule~ and one FP outof every five is supposed to'· haveleave each trip. Actually, that onlygives you about 45 hours on theSatellite, allowing for shuttle-time.And at the beginning, you may notget "leave as regularly as you willlater on.." He realized what h~ wasdoing, and stopped himself, switch..ing to a cautious third.-person-im:..personal. "There's been a good dealof research done on what we callLGT, Mrs. Serruto - that's shortfor Low Gravity Tolerance. Wedon't know so much yet about No­Grav, but they're collecting the dataon that right now. There's a pamph­let with ·aU the information we haveso far;' you,'ll get a copy to takehome with you, and then if you stillwant to apply, arid if you can passtM tests, there's 'a t.wo-months'Indoctrination Course; mostly de­signed to prepare the candidate forthe experience of living underMoon.;Grav conditions.

PRO,ECT NURSEMAID

"The adjustment isn't e~y, nomatter how, much we do to try andsimplify it. But the leave .schedulewe're using has worked out, forregular SpaServ personnel. That isto say, we've cut down the .inci­dence of true somatic malfunc­tions -"

She made a funny despairing ges­ture with hands and shoulders. Hesmiled. "Put it this' way: Low-gravand No-grav do have some direct ­call it mechanical effec.ts on thefunction of the human body. Butmost of these problems are cumula­tive. It takes -let's see, at Moon­grav, which is about one sixth ofwhat you're used, to, it takes fromten to twelve months, in the averagecase, for any serious mechanical·mal­functions to show up - I shouldhave let you read the pamphlet·first," he said. "They've got it allexplained there, step by step."

He paused hopefully, but she ob­viously.didn't want to wait;. she'.wanted to hear it now. "Anyhow,"he went on, "we found, by experi­menting, that the total tolerancecould be extended considerably bybreaking up the period. To put it assimply as possible: the lower thegravity, the shorter the time beforeserious 'structural' malfunctions be­gin to appear - you understand?When I say 'structural' I mean notonly .that som~thing isn't working'right, but that there's been actualphysical damage done to the body insome way, so that it can't workright."

29

The faint frown went away, andshe nodded" eagerly..

"All right. The lower the gravity"the quicker the trouble. Also, theshorter the time-span, the more youcan take. That is, a person whose

'total tolerance at any particular lowgravity is, say,_ six weeks - taken ata stretch - can take maybe ten ortwelve weeks if he does it a few daysat a time., with leaves spent at nor­mal, or at least higher, g~avity.

"The reason for this last fact isthat even before the structural mal­functions begin to appear, nu)st peo­ple start suffering froni all kjnds ofillnesses - 'usually not serious, atfirst, but sometimes pretty annoying- and these are psychogeRic. '. ,•."

He l~ked at her inquiringly, andshe nodded, a little ~ncertainly.

"Very. few of the body' functionsactually depend on gravity," he ex­plained~ "I mean intpna/ functions.But all of us are conditioned to .per1"forming these functions under a.normal Earth-gravity. A person'sdigestive. system, for instance, or'vasc - circulatory system, will wor'kjust as, well with low gravity, ornone; but j t has to work ~ little diff­erently. And the result is a certainamount of confusion in the parts oft.he brain that control what we call'involuntary; reflexes:. So that theheart, for instance, tries, to pumpjust as hard as it should to suit theenvironment it's 'in - and at the

-·same time it· may be getting mes-sages from the brain to pump justas hard as it's used to doing.

3°

"When that happens you may­or al1yone may,- develop a heartcondition of some kind; but it's justas likely that the patient might comeup with purely psychological symp­toms. Or anyone of the various psy­chogenic diseases that res~lt fromordinary internal conflicts, or anxietystates, may develop instead -".

-Now she was shaking her head in,_bewilderment again. "Look," hesaid. Enough was .enough.."This isall in the reading matter you'll getwhen you leave today. And it's a lotclearer than f can make it. For now,just take my word for it, on ~ccount

of the psych end of it, four monthshas been set as the limit of.unbrokenMoon duty; However~ we've foundthar people can take up to a yearthere with no bad effects at a1l1' ifthey get' frequent enough leave.That's why it's set up -the way it isnow.'·'

"You mean one yea~ is all?" sheasked quickly. uThat's the most?"

He shook' his head. "No. 'That'sthe standard ~tour of duty- on the·present leave system. Here'"s how' itworks: You sigh a year's contract,which is really for si.xteen months,except the last four months are Earthleave. During the twelve months onthe mOOD, you get twenty per ce_ntSatellite leave.' That means youspend one-fifth of your time at ahigher gravity. Not Earth-norm~l:

the Satellite's set at three-quarters- you know that?" ,;

She shook her head. "I didn'tknow. I knew it'was less than here on,

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

Earth, but the way Ed describedthings there, I thought it was a lotless than that."_ "It probably would be," he toldher, ·"if we didn?t use the Satellitefor leaves for Base personnel andpeople from the asteroid stations.Down to about. one-half-gray, th~

bad effects are hardly noticeable,and there are technical reasons whywe'd prefer to have to maintain lessspin on Satellite. ,But three-quartersis just about optimum for the shortleaves: high enough to-restore yourpeace of m4ld, and low enough tomake -it comparatively 'easy to read:­just each -time.

"f,We used to have less .frequent.longer leaves -on Earth -.usuallya fifty per cent system, one monththere, one here. We changed itoriginally so as to avoid having ourLG people constantly exposed tohigh-grav in acceleration, as well asto save rocket space, and traveltime, and things like that.. After..wards, 'we found out that we weregetting much ~asier adjiIstmentsback to LG after the short leave atthr-ee-quarters, inst~ad-o{'the longerone on Earth."

"That makes sense," she said'thoughtfully. "If you w~re picking.the people who could take the lowgr~vity best, they'd.' maybe havethe most trouble with- the accelera­tion."

"Yes and no. Strictly, physiologi­cally, it tends to -work that way;psychologically it's just the opposite;usually. And all this is in the pre-

PROJECT NURSEMAID

pared literature too." He smiled ather, and determinedly changed thesubject. "Now what we've got to do'is arrange for your physical.' If it'sall right with you, I'd like to get anappOintment set up right away, foras soon as possible. Frankly, that'sgoing to be your toughest hurdlehere. If you get past that, J. don'tthink we'll have too much more toworry about. But don't kid yourselfthat it's going to be easy."

. "I'm -pretty healthy, Colonel."She smiled comfortably. "My peoplewere farmers, over there and overhere; I think -they call it 'peasantstock'? A~d I've been lucky. I al­ways lived good."

"For fifty-two years," he re­minded her gently. "That's not old- but forty is old in SpaServ. Re­member, the whole reasoning behindthis Proj~ct is that if we catch 'emyoung .enough, we think we cantrain the kids to get along underno-grav conditions. And at yourage, even acceleration can he a prob­lem. Anyhow -". He stood up, and she' started

gathering her coat and purse to­gether. She' was wonderful, hethought, almost unbeliev~ble, aftermost of the others who came in here:a woman, no more, no less - a famil­iar, likable, motherly, competent,womanly kin9 of woman. When itcame to psych tests (ifitgot that far,he 'had to remind himself, as he'dbeen trying'to remind her), he knewshe'd come up with ev.ery imaginablesymptom and psychic-disorder •••

31

in small, safe quantities. A little ofthis, and a little of that, and thewhole adding up to the rare and"balanced" personality.

"Anyhow," he. said, "there's' nosense talking anymore till after yousee the Medics." He led her out toHelen's desk, got her appointmentlined up, and made sure she was pro"vided with duly informative litera..ture. Then he saw her out, and wentback to his desk, to plot.

The routine repOrt he kept rou"tine. That was no. place to urge spe..cial allowances or special treatment.,He mentioned the SpaServ connec"tiOns, of course, but did not empha..size them. If the General read care"fully, ,that wo'uld be enough. But hehad to be sure. \

He/laid ou~_his strategy with care,and found two items pending in his,files tnat would serve his purpose:neither very urgent, either capableof assuming an appearance of imqle"diate importance. Satisfied, he wentout to lunch, and from there overto Henderson College to see theDean again. He outlined to her hisconversation with Ceil the day be..fore--or at least some of it. Theonly part of that interview that con'"cerned 'Sarah Lazarus was in connec"tion with the young man at theAcademy.

"When I thought it over," he ex'"plained, "it seemed to me it mightcause some embarrassing que~tions

all around if I were to approach theboy myself. I'm not in a position tosay, 'Personal,' and not be asked any

32

more. So I wondered if you. "He let it slide off, waiting to seewhat she'd offer.

"What was it exactly you wantedme to do?" she hedged.

"Write to him. That's all thatwould be necessary. They don't cen­sor incoming mail there. Or if you'drather not have anything down onthe record', a phone call could do it."

She nodded th,oughtfully. "I sup­pose . . ." she begao slowly, thenmade up her mind. "Of course. I'lltake care of it-. What's the youngman's name?" .

"I'm afraid,." he smiled, "we'llhave to get Ceil's permission beforeI tell you that. I made' some po~r­

ful promises yesterday..""I know," she said, and he looked

at her, startled. "Ceci11e caine in tod '." hsee me yestef ay evening", ~ e ex-

plained, enjoying her moment ofsuperior knowl~dge. "She said shewanted to thank ,me for - for 'beingso wond'~rful,' I th.ink she said. I.believe she meant for o'ot tossin'g herout on her ear as soon as I had heardthe awful truth.,"

"She comes (rom'a - rather'old­fashioned family?". "That's one way of putting it..Herfather is a very bt:illiant man in hisline of work, I ).1nderstand - some'"thing technical. He is also a boss-fear­ing, Hell-fearing, foreigner-fearing,bigoted,.. narrow-minded, one-sided,au tocra tic, Petty, self-cen tereddomestic tyrant. He spoils his wifeand daughter with, pleasure, ~ longas they abide by his principles-

FANTASY AND"SCIENCE FICTION

and his wife is a flexible, intelli­gent, family-loving woman who _de­cided a long t~e ago. that his prin­ciples had better be hers. yes­I'd say it was an old-fashioned fam­ily. A fine family, if you stick to therules."

He nodded. "That's about theway I figure it.". The Dean cleared her throat."-Anyhow, \Cecille spent an hour ormore with. me last night, apd aftershe got done telli~gme how wonder­ful I was, she' started OQ what reallyinterested her."

"She's already told you abouthim? Well, good. That makes iteasier."

"No."Again he was startled, but only for

an instant. He knew what was com~

ing now, and he had time to coverhis responses. Her technique was, stilllousy -:- but maybe it. worked Q!1'her students.

"No," she said. "The. rest~ allabout you." She was watc~in·g··hw'closely -:- of course. "I suppoSe,"she asked thoughtfully~ ~'thathap­

pens fairly often? A girl in troublecom~s to see you, and finds you asympathetic savior, and promptly'decides she's in love?"

"Sometimes.," he admitted. "Ididn't think Ceil had quite reachedthat stage yet. I was even hoping shemight avoid it."

"She didn't put it that w~y her­self."

"It's annoying most of t~e time,"he told her. "Sometimes, it's flatter-

PROJECT NURS.EMAID 33

iog. as all· hell." He grinned, and re'" o~clock cigar from the humidor, andfused fur~her comment ; when she /' offered one to the Colonel.laughed, he thought he detected anQte of relief. He hoped he had .said ,enough" and not too much.

"If you want to wait a minute,"'she said, '·'1'11 get h~r up here now,and we can get this settled.".He glanced at his watch. "Fine!"

And it was. Ceil came up, looked inhorror from one to the other~ ~d,as" soon as· she could breathe outagain, asked, pieading: " What's~ong?'''

:His own laughter ,and the Dean'smingled; and when the girl had goneagain, much rolieved, the faint 'edgeo( doubt or suspicion between theman and. the woman was gone too.He promised to get in touch withher as soon as he heard from theboy, and got back to his own office'in':plenty of time for the afternoon'scar.efully mapped campaign.

About 3:30, and for an Bour after­wards, there was usually a lull in theGeneral's afternoon. At 3:45, theColonel went upstairs with hisknotty...looking little problem, and

,got his expected sequence of re"sponses: irritation at being botheredwhen no bother was looked...for, fol­lowed' 'by gratification at having soeasily solved a really minor difficultythe Colonel had apparently. beenunable to untangle for himself.

"Takes the organizational mind,Tom," the General said jovially. "Iguess you h~ve to get older, though,before you begin to get the broadview most of the time. He took his 4

"No thanks. I think I'll have toget older to appreciate those, too."He lit himself a cigarette, and heldthe lighter for the other man.

" You: '11 get there," the Generalpuffed. "See you finally brokedown," h~ added, grunting aroundthe fat cigar. "Let'one of those lad­ies get past you."

·"1 got tired ofsaying no. I'm afraidshe won't get too far, though."

The General raised an inquiringeyebrow. "Haven't studied the re­port yet, but looked okay, quickglance." Fragrant smoke .rolled overthe words, and swallowed up someof them.

"She's not young," the Colonelsaid hesitantly. "I - well, frankly, Iwas making some allowance for thefact,that her son and daughter arestationed in Satellite -" .

"Oh? SpaServ?" He was inter­ested now.

"The boy is. Five..year hitch, Ithink. I thought it might make her

, more Jikely to stick with us, if shelasts out one year."

"Tom, you got a positive talent-" The General ~ven took the cigarout of his mouth to indulge himselfin the lately rare luxury of using thefain tlySouthern ... Western'" home­folks manner that had done so muchto put him ,where he was today."- a talen t, I tell you,' for seein'things wrong...end hind... to."

Edgerly made the politely inquir­ing sound that was indicated.

34 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FI9TION

"Naturally, I mean, we want ·re- Remember that babe- you were allenlistments. But that's ~ext year, ·steamed up about? Canadian. She'dand frankly, Tom, off the record, by lost her forearm ..•?"the time we can get her up there and "Yeah. Buonaventura. And I stillshe's worked a year and had.her four·. don't see what damn difference -six~

months' leave, you and me, we're teen inches of good honest plasticgoing to be wearing the skin off our and wir~ instead' of flesh and bloodbacksides someplace else altogether. could make on the Moon."But don't get me.wrong." He chuck.. "Regulations, son, regulations.led warmly, and re-i!1serted the That's what I was thinlqng about.cigar. "You wan' make 'lownces, you Maybe if you could fix it for her·-tomake 'em, any reason you want." get a son into SpaServ ..."

....T~e Colonel stayed a 'few more "'About twenty years from now,minutes, till his cigarette was fin- you mean?"ished and he could politely leave. "Well, she wasn't exactly a knock:'But on the way home, he stopped out, but she wouldn't be hard todown in Medical, and dragged Bill take. Maybe I'd cooperate myself.~'

Sawyer out with him for a drink. "Leave those little things to us'It took two before Billgot around bachelors," the Colonel said sternly.

to it. "No married man should have to"That dame you called us on to- sacrifice that way for the Service."

, day - what's her name, Sorrento?" The waiter came with fresh drinks;"Serruto." and they concentrated on refreshing"Yeah. Did you put a bug in the themselves for a short t.une. "Just

Old Man's ear, or what?'" . the-.same," Edgerly said seriously,"Me? What kind of bug?" "I wish we could get more young"Oh, he was dropping gentle hints ones li.ke that.. it • I guess .it's six

all oyer me this. afternoon. Real of one and you-know-what of thegentle. One of them hit my toe, and other. The young ones wouldn't-I think the bone's broken. He thinks want to stay more than a year orshe~ought to pass her. Medic." maybe t.wo ... this BuoIiaventura

"She',. not young," Edgerly said gal, for instance. You know, her hus-judiciously. band was killed i~ the same accident

"No. But she's got a· son· in Spa" where she lost her arm. HoneymoonServ, and after all, we do try to "and all that. So she wanted to go bemake some allowances, keep-'family teal busy for a while, till sh~ couldtogether - hell, you know!" start think~ng about another man.

The Colonel grinn.ed. "What you But any young woman who wasneed is a drink." healthy enough in the head to trust. "You know, I never thought ·of up there would just be putting in

that!·" Th~ doctor chuckled. "Hey! time, the same way ..."

"

PROJECT NURSEMAID

"Okay, but these grandmas you'resending up aren't going to be ableto take it more- than one or twotours, anyhow," Sawye'r put in.

"That's 'what·I meant. You can't"win."

"What you need," said the doc­tor, "is a drink."

"You know, that's an idea.

v

For a little while, there was theillusion that things were improving,all around. Tuesday, the same daySerruto was winding up her 38-hoursession in Medic, there was a letterfrom one 'Adam Barton~ asking if anappointment for the necessary ex­aminations could be arranged some­time between November 27 and 30.Thank~giving leave, the Colonelrealized~ and phoned down himselfto set it up. They'd been t-rying tok'eep the weekend free for the staff;but this ~ne would have to_gothrough.

He managed to keep himself fromasking about Mrs. Serruto; theywould.n't have a final answer till lateafternoon. Then, on impulse, hephoned Sarah Lazarus, and asked herto have lunch with him.

"Celebration. Space Service owesyou something," he explained.

"Mere than you know," sh~ re­plied, but wouldn't say any more onthe phone, except to suggest that inher own opinion she was entitled toa good lunch.

Over hor d'oeuvres, and remains

35

.of a ladylike Dubonnet, she 'ex­plained: she had neither written nortele.phoned to Barton-Bolidq; shehad gone to' see· him instead.

"When I thought it over, itseemed too awkward any otherway," ,she said. "It's only about athree hour drive, and I understoodthey had visiting Sunday afte.r-

"noon."We,.,can 'reimburse -you for the

expense," the Colonel offered. '''Wehave a spe;cial fund for that kind ofthing...."

"So do we," she said. "The ex­pense was the least of it. If youcould reimburse me for the - whatdo they call it - 'mental agony'•• '. ?"

"I take it you had something of aheart-to-heart talk?" He was verygenuinely curious. "Is Ceil's impres­sion of him anywhere near accu­rate?"

"{don't know what Ceil's impres­sions are,'" she said drily. "Whichkind of evens the score, doesn't it?"She attacked a casserole of beef­burgundy saute, with apparent un­interest in continuing the conversa-tion. ~

"All right," he laughed. "I s~r­

render. One betrayal deserves an­other. He wouldn't be very likely to ..talk to me, you know." He told her.what the girl had said, and shenodded.

"That's about it - except hehappens to be crazy about her, sothis oit of news has really got him ina tizzy. He'd managed to 'forget'

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION36

··.·a:bout her, he said, since the sum- cided to·use you as an excuse for aj mer - convincing himself that it' good lunch. It's not easy to find the··was best to let the whole thing drop right people,.and half th~ time, when

I~ don't see her any' more, don't I do get someone I'm satisfied with,'write - you kn~w? And it makes she can't get past the Medics. Standssense. He does have his handsome to reason: the kind I want are likely

~ little heart set on SpaServ - see, to have led pretty busy lives, andI'm learning the lingo? I'll have the mostly they run to older women -

-pastry,'·' she told the waiter, with no old, that is, in SpaServ terms­change of tone or tempo. "Anyhow, ,forty and fifty. The one I'm waitinghe can't marry for the next two to hear about is fifty-two. If heryears, till he graduates. And· after heart will stand up to blastoff ac-that, there's a four"year . celerati~n, she may make it. But you

,hitch?" . never know what kind of ruination. He nodded soberly. those boys can pull out of their in... "Hitch, before he can even hope fernal machines."

·to get permission to have his family "What you need is a good old..:with him, wherever he is - 'pro- fashioned diagnostician," she said,'.\iided it's some place where he c-aft laughing. "The kind that looked youhave ~ family." over and told you in five minutes

"It will be," he told her. "~olicy what,was wrong - and turned outis shaping up that way. They're en- to be right."couraging wives to go up Satellite.· He shook his head sadly. "We're

.now, and any station with enough -not even allowed to do 'that in psych:gravs for moderate good health will clinics any more. If you can't tab it~be opened for" families as fast as pos- up on IBM or McBride cards, itsible. The boys seem to last longer just ain't so." He sipped at his coffee,that 'way, and work better." which was cold, but - by design­

.She was interested. He would have not yet empty. "I'll tell you what we.~~iked to hear more' about Charles, do need, though," he said seriously.~ but that was personal curiosity, "What?".which would in any case be satisfied "More Foster Parents."later on. There was more urgent She gave him that studyin'g-look·business for this luncheon, and it was again. "Just what is it .you're trying,:already getting late. He answered to tell me, Colonel?"her questions, more or less com" "Nothing at all/' he said steadily,pletely bqt always with a direction returning her look. "Just chit-chatin mi~d, and-'eventually they came over lunch. I did have a notionround to the Foster Parent problem. about how to publicize our problem

"I'm sweating one out today," he in the quarters where it might dotold her. -"Maybe that's why I de- the most good: educators, social

PROJECT NURSEMAID

workers, people like that. But Ihaven't been able to get official au­thorization for it yet, so . . ."

Deliberately, he paused andsipped again at the c~ld coffee.,.~'..'. so naturally, this is all just idletalk. I'm not trying to tell you any"thing; I'm just answering your ques­tions."

'She was sipping her own coffeewhen he tried to get a look at herface. When he dropped her off at theCollege, she hadn't revealed any re"·action. They said a frien~ly goodby,and· he thanked' her again for herefforts with the young man, thendrove back fast. It was mid-after-

.noon already, and the report on Mrs.Serru~o-

The report was on his desk whenhe got ·back. He read it· through,and sank back in his chair to find outwhat it felt like to relax.

The General had given him tillOctober 9 to find a satisfactory FP.Today was the seventh.

He swiveled his chair around tolook out the window, at the widesweep of the mountain range, thedark shapes, green-blue and purple~

pushing up into the. pale-blue skyof the mesa country. ~ife was good.For some minutes, he! did nothingat all but fill his vision with colorand form, and allow his excellentlunch to be digested. Finally .heturned back to the desk and' riffledthrough papers in the Hold baskettill he found the Schedule that hadcome with the General's last Memo.

Mrs. Serruto would be .ready for

31

the rocket on .December 9. Theydidn't have to have another one till'January 6.' After that, one on eachbiweekly shipment, at least through·February.

January 6, less two months' train­ing, left him 30 days. Serruto hadbeen blind luck; he .couldn't counton that again. He buzzed Helen,.and dictated a brief Memo for theGeneral, asking for a conference,~n, on his proposals about public­ity. Malfway, through, the phonerang in the outer office. He pic~ed·itup on his desk, and it was SarahLazarus'.

God is on'my side he thought. Hehad hardly expected to hear froinher so soon, after her stubbornlynoncommittal silence during lunch.

She' hfld enjoyed the luncheon,she said, and wanted to thank himagam.

"You earned it," he told her."Besides which, the pleasure was atleast halfmine." Or will be, whenyouget around to what's on yourmind. . .. _

"The other thing I want~d to askyou about," she said, "was whetherThanksgiving weekend would be all.right for our girl's visit?"

Not with the Medics it wouldn't,but he assured her it would. Theyhad the boy coming in that Fridayanyhow. The Colonel mentally apol­ogized to God for his presumption.

"You said five days, I ~hink?"

"Fi - oh, for the . . . visit. Yes.She ought to be here two days aheadof time, and then it's usually best to

FANTASY AND :SClENCE FICTI()N

wait ·at least two days afterwards.'~ ·Brigaclier General H~rlan Foley"Well - maybe she'd better Martin, U.N.S.S., resplendent in

come in at the. beginning of the full uni(orm, with the blazing-sunweek. That will give her a: chance to insigne of SpaServ shining, on hisget dramatically ill in class. And it cap, was conducting a party of visi­will work out better when I tell her tots through his personal domain:parents, I think." the newest, cleanest, finest bUilding

"Any way you want it,~' he, as- "in the entire twenty-seven acres thatsured "her. "It's far enough ahead made up the North American Moonso the schedule's pretty open.. Es- ~e Supply",.Depot - which waspecially with our pre-sent cUftail.. beyond doubt. t~e biggest, :cleanest,ments ..." He waited. .fastest and generally bestest D.epot. nOh, yes," she said.. ",That's right. anywhere on Earth.

I'd forgotten." Then, very sweetly, It' was of particular importanceshe asked him if he would care· to that the~ (self-evident) facts shouldcome to dinner at ·her. home OIl be brought to the attention of ~he

Saturday evening. " . visitors, against the time when theyIt's your deal, la"dy,· he thought; returned to·their respective 'Depots

all he could d~ was pick up the ·ca-e-ds in SOuth Africa, North Asia,. andand"play them· as· they came. Australia, to establish similar centers

"Cocktails start at --six," she said, in which to carry.out their share ofand gave him an address. He hung the important and inspiring work of·up, trying to remember whether he Project Nursetnaid~

had ever heard any reference- to a HaIfa dozen duly hu·mb1e seekersMr~ Lazarus. That cocktail-chatter after knowledge followed at hissounded like a big party,. but" her heels (metaphorically speaJcing; intone of voice didn't. He shrugged, actual practice, the General po­and turnedr-<back to' his· seeretary, - litely ushered them ahead of himwho was waiting with .an inevitable - through :doors and narrow passage­expression ofintelligent detachment.. .ways), drinking i~ wisdom, observ-

"Make a note, ·Sergeant. Rem¥ ing efficiency, and uttering appro'"me to buy a black tie. I'm in the .priate expressions of admiration.social whirl now." \' The,General felt it was time for a

She made the note, too. Nothing bit of informality, and there w~s nohe could do ._now would save him" better way than in a display of thatfrom being reminded.. He favored -indifference to rank and protocol for,the Perfect Lady Soldier with a which the Normerican Section waslook of mingled awe,. :horror, and -famous. Accordingly, he headed"affection, and~got on with the busi- straight for ~he office of his Psy..ness of dictating his reminder to the 'Chological Aide, Colonel Edgerly.General. . . . There were times when it was possi-

PROJECT NURSEMAID

hIe to place a good deal of fai th in'theColonel's judgment and behavior.

Edgerly rose to the. occasion. Heshowed -them through his Depart-­ment, explained the psych-testingequipment in three languages, andexcused ,himself from accompanyingthem further on account of the pressof his own work.

In the waiting room, as they tookleave of the Colonel, the Generaldrew the attention of the visitinggentlemen aw~y from the admirableexample of Normerican soldiery be­hind the reception desk with atypical display of typical Normeri­can informality.

"Oh, by the way, Tom, before Iforg~t it --, I've been too busy thelast day or two, but I Saw yourMemo on thatJ idea of yours, and.Jwant the two of us to get together'some time and talk, it over. Some,time soon 10 ••;' He smiled, apd the'Colonel smiled back.

"W,ell, let's set up a date now.','Edgerly turned to the Sergeant be­hind the desk.

"Dh, no need for that, Tom. Justgive me a ring, or I'll drop in on you.Any time, 'any time at all...."

The General and his party pro­ceeded to examine the hospital,facilj ties-on a lower floor.

Colonel Edgerly reknotted, histie, adjusted the angle of his cap,,and stepped out of his car in front ofone of the city's better ap~rtment

houses. A doorman led him to theprop~r elevator, and pushed the' ap-

39

propriate buttqn for him. Hesteppe<;l out into a foyer done inwalnut wood and cream-coloredplaster. As the elevator door closed;a chime rang- softly in a room behind,the "floral-printed draperies, and hehad hardly time to savor the nostal-:gia the decor had produced beforehis hostess pulled the drapes asideand asked him "in.

She was wearing a black dinnerdress that. displayed, among otherthings, a rather different persqnalityfrom the one she wore 'in her office.However, there was a Mr. Lazarus,and fiv'e or six other guests besides.

They drank cocktails and en­gaged in party conversation untilone more couple arrived. The dinnerwas well-cooked 'and well-served,and eaten to the accompaniment ofsome remarkably civilized table talk,plus an 'excellent wine and subd~d

backgrQund music. Afterwards'~

-three'more couples 'came in, and hy',the,time the. last of them' arrived,,the Colonel's opinion of his hostess- already improved by h'er' home,her dress, her food and drink - had'reached a· peak of ad'miraiion andappreciation. Out of ,thirteen per­sons present that 'evening, everyoneexcept three escorting ,husbands ­every other one, was an upper-eche­lon executive of some social ,serviceagency, woman's club, child. careorganization, or adult educationalcenter.

The Colonel d~d. not proselytize,nor did he mention any special diffi­culties the Project wa~ having. There

4°was no need to do either. The gueststhat evening had come specificallyto' meet him, because they werecurious and interested and, felt,themselves inadequately informedabout Project Nursemaid. He hadnothing to do but answer eager in:telligent questions put to him byalert and understanding people­and in the co~rse of answering, ittook no more than an occasionalshift of emphasis to convey quiteclearly that th~ Project's capa,city.for handling PN'smust necessarilydepend inJarge part on its success infinding satisfactory· Foster Parents.

"Did you say before that youpreferred older women for thesejobs, 'Golonel?" He looked aroundfor the questioner: a slim tailoredwoman with a fine..drawn face andclean -clear skin; she looked ,asthough'she belonged on a country

,estate with dogs' and horses and aprize--winning garden. For the mo­ment, he couldn't remember hername, or' which outfit she was con--neeted with. . '

"No. Nof at. all. If I mentionedanything like "that, .it should havebeen by··way of complaint. The fact.-is that most of the people who satisfy-our other requirements are olderwomen - older in SpaServ terms,anyhow. Most of our candidates are,for that matter. Women under theage of forty~ if they're healthy well­balanced personalities, are- ejth~rbusy raising th~~ own families, or'else they're everi busier looking forthe eight man to ge~ started with.

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

From the· Medical viewpoint,. ·we'da lot rather get younger people. And

·for that matter, I think they mightsuit our purposes better all around- the right kind, that is."

"I see. I was particularly inter­ested, because we've been doingsome intensive work lately on theproblem of jobs for women overthirty..five, and I thought ifwe knewjust what you wanted ... ?" Shelet it drift off into a pleasant white-­toothed smile,. one feathery eyebrowbarely raised to· indicate the ques­tion..mark at "the end. He remem­bered now - Jane Somebody, fromAptitudes, Inc.,- the commercialguidance outfit. He struggted for thelast name.

"I think Miss Sommers has a goodpoint there, Golone~." This was thedumpy little woman witli the brightblack..eyes, 'sitting on the hassockacross from him. Sommers, that'sright! Next time' ['II put SergeantGregory in my pocket to take notes. "Ihate to pester you so much on yournight out, but 1 think several of ushere might6e able to send you peo-­pIe occasionally, if we knew a littlemore about jus.t what you want."

This one he remembered: she wasthe director of the Beth ShalomFamily Counseling Service. "Be-­lieve me, Mrs. Goldman, I can'tthink of any way I'd rather be pes"teced. I just wish I'd known before­hand what I was getting Into. I'dhave come prepared with a mimeo-­graphed list of t:equirements to handout at the door." With complete

PROJECT NURSEMAID

irrelevance, the thought, flashedthrough his mind that the Sergeantnever had reminded him about thatblack tie. You're slipping, old girl! hethought, and ·smiled at Mrs. Gold-­man. "As it is - well, it takes aboutit week to complete the testing of anapplicant. If I tried to tell you in de-­tail what we want, Mrs." Lazarusmight get tired ofour company aftera while. I think you probably knowin general what personality types aresuitable for that kind"of work. Be­yond that, probably it would workbetter for you to ask any specificquestions you have in mind, and letme try to answer them."

"W-ell, I waswondering'- are youonly taking women, or are you ~nter-­

ested ·in men too? There's one coupleI had in mind; they're ·young andhealthy arid what psychologicalproblems they've got are all centeredon the fact that they can't have anykids of their own, and because he'sa free-lance artist with no steady in-­come, they can't adopt one. I thinkthey might like to go, for a year ortwo' ... ?"

There was no point in telling herthat the chances were a thousand toone they'd never pasS the psychs.Nobody had ever proved that mostcases of sterility were psychogenic,but the Project had, so far, built upsome fascinating correlations be-­tween· certain types of 'sexual fearsand childlessness; and then th'e "free-­lance artist" ... He satisfied him­self with 'answering the questionshe'd· asked, and the other impor--

41

tant one implied in her last sentetice."We'd be delighted to have

couples, if we can get them. Wehaven't taken any men so far, but~e've got a couple on our reservelist. We want them later on, but forthe immediate future, we needwomen in the nursery. One ·otherpoint, though ... what ~ou S:lidabout 'a year or two.'

"We're signing people up for one-­year contracts. One year's ~uty,

and four months' leave, that is.We're doing it that way for severalreasons: we want to be able to retesteveryone medically before, we re­new contracts; and we want to checkactual records of behavior on dutyand psychosomatic responses' againstour psych tests. A few other things,too, but all of 'em boil down to thefact that we think we know' whatwe're doing, but we're not sure yet.However-

"If it weren't for the speci~lprob-­

lerns of LGT, we'd -~well, obvi..ously, if it weren't for those prob-­lems, the Project wouldn't be neces­sary at all - but since it is necessary,we're still hampered by the samelimitatio~s. We'd like. ,to providepermanent Foster Parents for eachgroup of children. We .can't do that,for the same reason we can-' t justsend whole families up there: the.adults can't take it that long. Evenwith the present leave ~ystem, 'fiveyears is probably going to be themaximum - five y~ars duty, thatis, with four month intervals onEarth between each tour.

42

"Right at this point, we're' just'not in a position to insist that any'"one who goes should agree to put inthe maximum number of tours - Imean whatevermaximum the Medicsdecide on for the individual person.We can't do it, because -it's moreimportant just to get people upthere. But we would if we could."

He 'broke off, uncomfortablyaware that he was monopolizing thefloor. "I'm sorry. I seem to be mak­ing a speech.. ' .."

"Well, "go ahead and make it,"Mrs. Lazarus said easily. "It's apretty good one."

"I'm just letting off steam," he,laughed. "This is my pet frustration.Right now, the Project, or our di­vision, has the specific job of sup­plying personnel, and we're not sup­posed to worry about th~ continua­ition of the, Project five or ten years'from now. But I'm the guy who'ssupposed to pick the right people todo the job - al)d I can't pick themwithout thinking in terms of whatwill happen to those kids whenthey"re five years old and fifteen andtwenty." ,Y

"I think/lunde'rstand your diffi­culty a little bit, Colonel." It was aqu~et, very young-sounding voicefrom across the room. "We havesomething of the .same problem toface.," He picked h"er QU~ now: thenun, Mo_ther Mary Paul. One ofthe orders specializing in socialwork; Martha ... ? Yes: Order ofMartha of Bethany. "Some of thechildren who come to us are or-

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

phans; others are from homes ,tern:porarily, unable' to care for them;some are day students; some arestudents who live in the conveIit~

M9st of them, in one way or another,are from homes where they have notreceived - well, quite as much asone might hope a happy home couldprovide. We want to give them thefeeling of having a home with us'~

and yet, we know that ,most of themwill be leav~ng us and going to ~heir

own· fa:ffiilies; or adopted families,,or other schools. It's - rather aharder job~ I think, to give a small(;hild a sense of security and of he­longing, when you know yourselfthat the time will come when thechild must be handed over to some­one else's care. I know I tend to de­mand a good deal more of the sistersgoing into orphanage work than ofa family qualifying for adoption.n

"You've said that better· than Icould have -" What were you sup'"posed to call her? Not Sister; hegathere~ she was too high up in herorder. Mother? Your Reverence? Hecompromised, by omitting any title,and hoped the ,omission was not anoffense. "About the sense of belong­ing. Ideally, of course, the childrenshould be in famil,ies, with perma­nent adoptive parents. But we haveto juggle the needs of the childrenagainst the .limitations of the adults.The kids need permanence; butthe grownups just ~an't last longenough under the conditions. So toeven up the books, an FP, FosterParent, has to be something pretty

PROJECT NURSEMAID ·43

special: a mature woman with the ~ome through our Depot. The. rest'health of a young girl- a san~ and will be from every p~rt'oftheworld,balanced perso!13lity just sufficiently from eyery nationali,ty, every faith,offkeel to want to go to th~Mpon - every possible variation of politicalsomeone with the devotion of a nUIi~ and social background. Tpe menwho ·has no very pronou:nced doc... and women who care for them, and­trinal beliefs ... I could go ~n who -educate them,. will -not neces-

,1lnd on like that, but what it all sarily b~ from the same backgroundscomes down to is that the kind of at all. ..." And worldgov.ernmentpeople we. waqt are useful and pr~- .being still new, and human beingsductive right here on Earth, and still very much creatures of habit.mostly much too busy to think and custom, there was no guaranteeabout chasing off tOthe Moon.": that. bias and discrimination could

There was a general laugh, and be ruled out in the Project except by,people started moving about, shift- the one simple device that wouldiog groups, debating the wisdom of make anything of the sort impossible.

,one more drink. The Colonel de- From the individual viewpoint:bated not at all. He took a r~ll "These kid~ are going to grow ~p in'happily, and turned· away from the_ an environment almost entirelybar to find himself being converged alien, from the Earth viewPQint.upon. Mrs. Goldman, Mother Mary They'll spend :their tinie half on:Paul, and a Dr. Jonas Lutwidge, Moon Basel and half on the rio-grav.pastor of the local Episcopal Church, t~aining ship. They won't have par­~nd a big wheel of some kind in the ents, in the sense' in which we use the·city's interdenominational social term, or families, or relatives ~'orwelfare organization. -'. any of the other factors that go to

They did not exactly all speak at· .forming. the human personality..once, but the effect· was the same: .Ma:ybe we could grow Us· a thOUSandWhat, they wanted to know" had 'he supermen this way, but {rankly

'JDeant by "no pronounced doctrinal we don't want to 'find out. We"beliefs?" "might not uk! them; ~ey might

The Colonel'drank deeply, an.d even not like us. ...'t Thereforebegan explainiQ.'g, grateful that this· every effort was going to be made tohad come up, if it had to, in a small provide a maximum of artificialgroup, and equally glad that he had ."family"-life. The babies would bethoughtfully provided hiniself.with assigned, shortly after birth, to a2 dou~le shot of whisky in this glass. .group of five "brothers and sisters";

The broad view first: " ... y~u Foster Patents· in the group wouldrealize that the're will be, altogether, necessarily change from time to:ODe thousand 'babies involved -in this time, but"whenever a contract was·Project. Two 'hundred of them will :tenewed, the parent would go .ba~k.

44

to the ~me group. There would bea common group-designation, to beused as a last name; even first namesw~re to be given by th~ first FP toassume the care ~f each' baby.o "It'sall part of what you were saying ~e­

fore, Mother," he pointed out."We want the Foster Parents to

;.feel and-act as much as possible as ifthese were their own children;. ~n­fortunately, the physical setup issuch that the opp~rtunitiesto createsuch situations are few enough. Wehave to use every device we can."

Obviously, under these circum­stances, religious trainmgcould not begiven in accord·ance with the child'sancestry. The solution finally decidedupon' had been to invite all religiousgroups to select representatives toparticipate in the children's educa­tion. They would all be exposed toevery form of religious belief, and 0

could choose among them. A com­promise at best - and one thatcould work only by a careful systemof checks and balances, and bymaking certain, insofar 'as possible~

that the proselytizing was done onlyby the offi~iaI representatives, and

'not by evangelical Foster Parents.Mother Mary· Paul and Mrs.

Goldman both seemed tentativelysatisfied with the explanation. Dr.Lutwidge was inclined to argue, butSarah Lazarus came to the Colonel'srescue with ·a polite offer of coffeewhich drew their attention to thenoticeable absence of the otherguests.

It was almost I o'clock when Ed...

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

gerly got home, in a glow of pleasedexcitement, and in no mood for bed.He stalked through the four roomsof his bachelor cottage, surveyiQgeverything with profound distaste,and sat up for an hour more,. makingsketches and notes about the im­provements he meant to effect.Next morning, on his way to work,he stopped at a.florist's for the brownjug and yellow roses that he had felt,all·ev~ning, should have been on thetable in. that _foyer. Briefly, he ·de­bated drawing on the SpecialAc­count to cover the cost,·and decidedagainst it; he had made his gesturenow toward Better Living, andcould leave his own home alone.

~

'Within a week, the numher ofFP applicants in his office began toincrease; within three weeks, hehad another successful candidate.His working day, which had for ashort time been quiet and peaceful,resumed its normal place, an hour ortwo behind schedule. And if the·General still ·had failed to authorizethe publicity campaign which the ­Colonel had already unofficially ini­itiated, at least the Old Man haddone nothing to impede it, and wasshowing a remarkable tendency tostay entirely out of the PsychDept.'s hair. I-

This was good, up to a point. l}utby the middle of November, whenthe first rush of applicants referredby t\1e Dean's friends had begun todiminish and/he had found only onemore acceptable candidate, the Col~

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! :Del began to feel the need of· ani·official. authorization that would..make it possible to carry his cam'"paign farther r abroad. The peoplehe'd ~et were all local; some hadstate...wide influence, others only 'in.the immediate area. The Depot.represented a territor...y that coveredall of what had 'once been Canada,·Alaska, and the U. S. A., plus part'of Mexico.

The Colonel chafed a" while, then',sent another Memo, asking fora.conference on his suggestions of.five~weeks ago~ For some days afterwards,he watched arid waited for. a .re­:sPonse. Then another satisfactoryapplicant turned up, and he wasbusy with psych-tests and briefing

::.interviews for ~he better part :0£ a~·week. He checked off the 'second:January rocket on his· schedule,.and offered up: a brief prayer :towhatever Deity had been looking

;out for him, that another suchwoman should come his way b~forethe third of December.

And then it was Thanksgivingweek.

VI

Monday afternoon, Ceil Chanute_was admitted to the Project inlir'"mary. Tuesday morning, Dean Laza...

.. rus called to report that she.had in .formed the girl's family of her ill­

:ness, and had successfully headed offany efforts at ~omingout to visit her.~-Wednesd'ay morning, the day heroperation was scheduled, the Colonel

·45

came in early and had breakfast with.Ceil in· the 'Med staff room. He sawno .reason· to tell her that this was,standard practice whenever ~ssi...ble, and when he went upstairs hewas basking in the glow of her evi....dent pleasure at what she thought.a special attention.

He spent .most of the morningidealing ~wiftly and efficiently with~

correspondence; the only time hehesitated was over one h.andwritten.letter, from a t-own a hu.ndred milesaway. This he reread carefully, then"slid it into his pocket, to handle per'"sonally later on.

At 4:30 that afternoon RuthMackintosh' came in. She was themost recent of his successful caIidi...dates, now in her first week o( regu...-lac training, and part of the processwas a daily hour in his office, mostlyto talk 'over any problems or ques...tions of hers - partly to allow himcontinuous observation of her prog'"

.cess and' her attitudes.At five-oh-four the Sergeant, out

at the desk, buzzed him with thenews that the operation on· the'Chanute girl was completed, with­out complicatio~s,and sh~ would be

.coming out of anesthesia .shortly ~

The Colonel repeated the news forhis visitor's benefit, explaining that

.he might have to leave in a hurry, if,Ceil began to wake up.

. ,"Oh, of course ---:- maybe you'drather go down now?" ..

He would. For some idiotic rea­son, he said instead: "It'll be ten orfifteen minutes anyhow."

46.

"I wish I'd known,'" she said. "Iwas going to ask you if I could seean operation before I went u'p,?U

That was a new one. "Have youever watched an operation befor~?"

"Well, I used to be a practicalnurse; I've seen plenty of home de..liveries, and I saw a Caesarian doneonce - oh, you mean, will it upset.me? .No." She laughed. "I' don'tthink so'."

That wasn't what he'd meant."Why do you want to see it?" heasked slowly. With some people .thebest way to get an answer was to as~

a direct question."I don't know - I just want to

see as much as I can,' know as muchas I can about the babies and what'shappened to them already, andwhere they come from, and~ ifyou people weren't so obviouslyoriented in the opposite direction,I'd want to meet the mothers, too,as many as I could~"

Wonderful- if true. He scrib..bled a' note to check over certain ofher tests for repressed sadistic lean..ings, and told her~ "We're notoriented the other way entirely. Infact, we've changed -our feelingabout that several times already.Just now, I don't think it would bepossible for you to meet any of theparents, but I think we can managea pass to -see a Section performed.I'll check."

. He reached for the phone, but itbuzzed before he could get to it. Helistened, and turned back to Mrs.Mackintosh.

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

"I'm afraid I am going to ·have torun out on you." He stood up. "The,kid downstairs is coming out of itnow - you understand?" ,

"Of course." She 'stood up, andfollo~ed him to the door. "Do youwant me to wait, or . . . ?"

"If you'd like to. Check withSergeant Gregory here. She'll giveyou all the dope about getting thatpass. And if you want to wait, that'sfine, unless the Sergeant says I'mgoing to be busy. She knows betterthan I do," He wanted to get out theother cloor 'and downstairs. Thefeeling of urgency was unreasonable,but it was there. "Helen," he saidbriskly, "you get things worked outwith Mrs. Mackintosh. I'll be down­stairs if you want me. Sorry torush off like this," be told the otherwoman again. "Helen'll set up ap­other appointment for us. Or waitif you want." That's the third time I

. said that, he thought irritably, andstopped trying to make sense, or tosay anything at all.

He had the satisfaction, at least,as he went 9ut the door, ofone quickglimpse of the Perfect Lady Soldier,out of control. Helen was flabber­gasted ... and it showed.

Waiting for the elevator, he won­dered what she thought. Goingdown in the elevator, he was sure heknew. And striding down the corri­dor on the-hospital floor, he was dis­mayed to consider that she niightpossibly' be right.

He had some news for Ceil Cha­nute, tucked away in his jacket

PROJECT NURSEMAID

pocket - news .he had withheld allmorning, uncertain what effect itmight have on her, and therefore un­~illing to deliver it before the oper~",

ation. True enough, he ought to beon hand when she woke up; it migh~be what she'd want to hear. True,but not true enough - not enoughto warrant his indecent ha~te.

. He made himself slow down be-fore he reached the nurse's cubicle<)utside the Infirmary. When he·went inside, he had already made,up his mind that his concern abouthis own behavior was ridiculous any­how. An ,occ~ional extra show ofinterest in an individual case - any'case - was not necessa~ily the same-thing as an unprofessional personalinvolvement.

Not neccssan'!y, echoed a sneaky,.cynical voice in th~_ back of hismind.

He reached the bed, and aban­doned introspection. She was awake,not yet entirely clear-minded, butfully conscious. He sat down on the~hair right next to her head, andpicked up her, limp hand.

"How's the girl?""I'll live." She managed a sort of ~_

smile. '"Feeling bad?""All right ~ ..•""Hungry?"She shook her head."Thirsty?" She hesitated, then

nodded. "Water? Tea? Lemonade?Ginger ale?" She just smiled, fuzzily.The nurse, standing at the foot ofthe bed, looked to him for decision.

47

"Tea," he said, but the girl shookher head. "Someth~ng cold,". shemurmured.

The nurse went away, and theColonel leaned back in the chair,to an angle where he could watchher face without making her uncom­fortably a~are of it. "I've<got somenews for you," he said.

She turned her head to look athim, suddenly worried.

"Take it easy, kid. If it was any­thing bad, I wouldn't tell you now.Just that you'll have _some com­pany tonight - if you want to."

"Company ... ?" Her eyes wentwide, and she seemed to come out ofthe postoperative daze entirely."Not my mother!"

"Nope. G~ntleman who gave hisname as Adam Barton."

It took her a moment to connect;then she gasped, and said uneasily,~'How did he know -? But howcould he get here tonight? Isn't ..heat school? How-"

"One at a time. He's coming 'forhis physical on Friday. I guess DeanLazarus told him you-· were beingoperated on today. I had a notefrom him this morning.." He took itout of his pocket, and held it out,but she shook her head in vigorousrefusal. "Look, kid: he's' leavingthere at five this 'evening; left al­ready. He'll be here about eight, andhe's going to phone when .he gets in.He'd like to see you."

She didn't say anything, but hecould see the frowning intensityof her face. "Do you want to see

She giggled w~akly, and the nurseproduced a tolerant smile. Out inthe hall, he left instructions aboutthe phone call.' "She may changeher mind," he finished. "Nobodysays No that hard unless they want tosay Yes at the same time. Let meknow if she has any suddep change ofmood - ~p or down. I'll be at myhome phone all evening, if you wantme ---"- or if she does."

Going back in the elev~tor, hedidn't worry about his own emo"tions; he pondered instead on what"Adam Barton's" must be.

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

him, Ceil? It's up to you, you know.I thought - in case you wanted to,you might like to 'know about itright away, when you woke up..,But ..."

'~·No!'·'

"Whatever you want, gal. Iwouldn't decide right away, if Iwere you. He'll phone when he getsin. .I'll tell the nurse to check withyou then."

"No," she said again, less vio­lently, but just as certainly. "No.She doesn't have to ask me. Just tellhim no."

"Okay. If you change your mind,tell her before eight. Otherwise, She lay flat on her back in the neatshe~ll tell him no, just like the lady ·hard white bed, and felt nothing atsaid. Here's your drink." He took. -all. Delicately, she probed insidethe cold glass from the nurse's hand, herself, but there was no grief andand put it on the· table. "Can you no gladness; hot even anger; notsit up?'" She tried. "Here." He even love. It was all over, and herelifted her head, cradling her shoul.. she was, and that was tha~. After aclers irt his arm, and helped her ~while, she'd be getting up out of thesteady the glass with his other hand. bed, and everything would be justIt did.n't feel like anything special. the same as before.She ·was female, which was nice, 'and No. Not quite everything. Theywell-shaped, which was better. Oth- had taken out more than the - theerwise, he ~ouldn't find any signs of baby. She thought the words,great emotion or excitement in him- thought them a~ words. Baby. Theyself. He eased her down gently, and had taken out more than that,stood up. though. Whatever it was Charlie

"I'll be around till·6 .if you want had meant, that was gone too. Out.me," he said. "Anything you get a Amputated. Cut away.yen: for,. tell the nurse. If she can't She couldn't see him, because hefix you up, she'll call Colonel Ed-.· would be a strange~. She didn'tgerly, of the Special Services Dept. know him. She wouldn't know whatWe aim to pleas~. The patient is to say to him, or how to talk. Whatalways right. If you want to get sat had happened long ago had. hap..up :some more, you can use the pened to a different girl, and tonurse, but it's more fun if I do it." some mail she didn't know.

PROJECT NURSEMAID

Adam Barton!Her hand came down hard on,the

mattress, and jarred her, so that shebecame aware of pain. That was arelief. At least she could feel some­thing. Sne saw the clenched fist ofthe hand, and was astonished: ithadn't fallen on the bed; she'd hitthe mattress with her fist I

Why?She couldn't remember what she

was: thinki~g about when she did it.The pain in her pelvis was morenoticeable now, too, and no longersomething to be gratef~l for.

She- didn't remember calling thenurse, but somebody" in a whiteuniform handed her a pill, and liftedher head so she ,could sip some water.

He was right. It was more funwhen he did it. She wished he wouldcome back. She wanted him tostroke her head, the way her daddyused to do when she was very little,and then she was waking up, andvery hungry.

The nurse came in right'away; shemust have been watching throughthe glass wall at the end of the room.But when she brought the tray,t4ere was nothing on it 'eEept somejunket and a glass of milk. Whenshe insisted she was still hungry, thenurse agreed doubtfully to someorange juice. Then she lay therewith nothing to do but dream about

,a full meal, and try to sort out mem­ories: The terrible moment whenthey put the cone over ,her face inthe operating room~ the dazedfirst wakening - the Colonel •

49"Nurse!"The white uniform popped

through the door.'"What time is it?""S~ven twenty-four.""Dh. Is - Colonel Edgerly

wouldn't be here now, would he?""No. But he left word for us to

call if you wanted him.""Dh, no. It's not important.~.It

can wait." It wasn't important; itwasn't even~ anything. It was just ­just wanting to know, if he was there.No, it wasn't,' because she felt betternow. It was wanting to know ,hehadn't forgotten about her. Well, hedidn't! she scolded herself happily..He wouldn't, either. He wasn't thekind of man who took on responsi­bilities and then walked out on them,like ...

Like I did, she thought suddenly.The telephone out in the nurse's

room was ringing. It cut off half-waythrough the second ring. She listened,/but you couldn't hear the nurse'svoice through the wall. He could becalling to find out how she was. Orher father - if her father knew . . .

She giggled, because her/ fatherwould- bawl her out for daydreamingand "woolgathering." That's whathe called it when he talked to her,but she'd heard him telling hermother once, when he didn't knowshe could hear, "Mental masturba­tion, that's all it is! Poking aroundinside herself till, she wears herselfout. There's no satisfaction in it, andall it does is make you want more ofthe same. Plenty of good men, me~

5°

:with ability, starving to death· rightnow because they couldn't stopthemselves from d!Jing just that."It was funny how she rememberedthe words, and just the way he'd-:said them; it was years and years ago,and she'd hardly understood it atthe time. "If that girl spent half thetime thinking about what she's doingthat she does worrying about whatshe already did and dreaming aboutwhat she's going to do," he'd fin­ished indignantly, "then I wouldn'tworry about her at all!"

He was right, she thought tiredly,and a moment later she thought itagain, more so, because she remem--:bered that it was Charlie who hadcalled. She should' have talked to·him; she could have done that much,at least. She'd been lying herethinking he was the kind of personwho walked out on his responsibili~

ties, and that wasn't .fair, becauseshe didn't know what he would havedone if she'd told him.

Well, why didn't I tell him? shewondered, and . . .

Stop itl she told herself. If youJzatle a toothache, you-won't make it'better by worrying it with your tongueall the time.

Her father bad said that, too, sheremembered, and suddenly she wasfuriou~. That's not what I was doing,she told. him coldly, but .she didn'ttry to' explain, not to him. Onlythere was a difference. She wasn!tjust worry-warting or daydreamingnow; she was trying to find out why~ a lot of why's.

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

, -That.w~ the way he, thought, all

the time: Why? It was thinking thatway that made him the kind of per­son he was....

She giggled again. Every time shethought about him, she thought he,and never a name. Colonel didn't fitat all, and Mister wasn't right, andjust plain Edgerly was silly, and shedidn't dare thiJlk Tom.

The nurse came to give her a pill."Is that to make me go to sleep?"

she as~ed warily."It's a sedative," the nurse said,

as if that was 'different."I slept all day," she said. "Will

it bother anybody if I read·a while?"She didn't want to read, especially,but she didn't want to sleep yeteither. The nurse handed her thepill, and held out the water, .andobediently, because she didn't knowhow to_~rgue about it, she lifted herhead and swallowed twice. Whenshe moved like that, she rememberedwhat it was she was trying so hardnot to think about. It didn't hurt somuch any more, but there was akind of empty-ache.

The nurse turned on her bed light,and got some magazines from thetable across the room. "If you wantanything, the bell's in back of you,"she said.

Ceil let her hand be. guided to thebutton, but there was something shewanted right now. "Was' it -" shestarted, and tried again. "Whatwas it?"

"It's a 'boy,'7 the nurse said, andlaughed.. "Or anyhow, it will be,

PROJECT NURSEMAID

we think. You can't always tell forsure so soon."

Is ... will be •..Her h~ad was swimming, from the

pill probably.Not was. Will be.It's alive, she thought. ]. didn't

kill it. She smiled, and sank backinto the pillow, but when she wokeup she was crying, arid she couldn'tstop.

VII

The phone woke him at 3:43,according to the luminous figureson the dark clock-face. By the samereckoning, he had had exactly onehour and 58 minutes of sleep. It wasnot enough.

He drove down to tp.e Depot at asteady 35, not trusting his fuzzyreflexes for anything faster; he madeup for it by ignoring stop signs andtraffic signals all along the way. Thestreets were empty and silent inthe darkest hour ofa moonless night;in the clear mountain air, the rareapproach of another set of head­lights was visible a mile or moreaway. He drove with the windowdown and his sports shirt opened atthe neck, and by the time he got

, there he was wide awake.They had taken her out of the in­

firmary into one of the consultationrooms, where the .noise would notdisturb the other woman 'who was,waiting for an operation the nextday. She was sobbing uncontrollably,huddled under a blanket on the

51

couch, het: shou}ders trembling and~haking, her face turned to the wall,her fingers digging into the fabricthat covered the mattress.

He didn't try to stop her. He saton the edge of the couch, and put ahand on her ~oulder. She movedjust enough to throw it off. Hewaited a moment, and rested thesame hand on her head. This timethere was a hesitation, a feeling ofpreparation for movement again,an~ then she stayed still and went oncrYIng.

Afte,r a Iittl~ while he beganst~oking her head,' very softly, veryslowly., There was no visible or audi­ble reaction~.yet he felt she wantedhim to continue. He couldn't see'hiswatch. The dial was turned down onthe arm that was stroking the girl'shair, but he thought it· 1nQst havebeen a long time. He began to feelover~helmingly sleepy.. The sensi­·ble thing would have been to liedown nex't to her, and take her inhis arms, and both of them get somesleep....

No, -not sensible. Sensible waswhat it wouldn't be. What it wo~ldbe was pleasant and very reasonable- but only within the limits of atwo-person syttem of logic. Fromthe point of view of the Depot, theGeneral, the nurse, the Space Serv'"ice's honor, and the civilized worldin general, it would be an unpa~don­

able thing to do. IfI were in uniform,he .thought sharply, it would neverhave occurred to me!

She hadn't quite stopped crying

52

.; iyet, but she was trying to Say some­thing; the words got lo~t through

.-the sobs and the blanket, but heknew what they would be. Apolo­gies, embarrassment, explanations.He stood up, opened t~e door,.called down the corridor for thenurse, and asked for some coffee.

She nodded.IfI were in uniform, she'd have said,

"Yes, sir!" clickety, clack.When he turned back, Ceil was

'sitting 'up on the couch, the blanketwrapped arou.nd her, covering every­thing ~ut her face, which was a

;classical study in tragicomedy:tear-stained and grief-worn, red­

:,nosed and self-consciously ashamed."I --:- I'm sorry. I don't know

what-I don't k!Jow what was thematter." ,

He shrugged. "It happens." When'the coffee came, he could try to talkto her some, or get h~r to talk. Nowhe' was just-tired. .

"They woke you up, didn't·they?" She had just noticed thesports shirt and slacks; she was look­ing at him with real interest. "You

.look different 'that way. N -" She:cut it off short.

"Nicer?" he finished for her.'~'Uow do? My name is Tom. I just··work here."

"I'm sorry I ma~e you get out ofbed, '.'. she said stiffly.

No you're not. Youftel p~easedandimportant and self-satisfied. He··shrugged. "Too much sleep wouldmake me fat."

"What time 'is it?"

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

He looked at his watch. "Ten to.Jive." The nurse came in with a tray.."Time for breakfast. Pour.. some for'me, will you? I'll be right back~"

He followed the nurse down thecor'ridor, out of earshot of the opendoor. "Did the kid call last night ­Barton?"

"Not since I've been on; that was.mi~night." .

He walked back to the little cubi­cle with her and found the neat no­tation in the phone log at 2003

hours, with a telephone number andextension next to the name. He

....turned to the nurse, changed hismind, and picked up the phone,himself. There was a distinct andvengeful satisfaction in every twirlof the dial; and a .further pettypleasure when the sleepy,. resentfulvoice at the other end began to-struggle for wakefulness· and a-semblance of military propriety assoon as he said th'e word "Colon'el."

"I'm not c~rtain," he said briskly,"but if you get out here fast, Ceiljust might want to see .you thismorning."

. "Yes, sir.""You have a car?""Yes, sir, I di --:.-.""Well, it should be about twenty

minutes from where you are. Cometo the main gate at the Depot. ,Youhave any identification, Mister Bar­ton?"- "I no, sir. 1 didn't thinkabout "

"All ·right. Use your driver's li­cense."

PROJECT NURSEMAID

"But that has my own na -""Yeah, I know. You're permitted

civvies on leave, aren't you?""Yes, sir.""Okay. Yo~ ask for me. Personal

visit. I'll leave word at ,the gatewh~re they can find me. You knowhow to get out here?"

"I think so. Sir.""Well, let's make sure." He gave

careful instructions, waited for theboy. to repeat them, and added afinal reminder: "You'll only needidentification to get in the maingate: Understand?"

"Yes, sir."The Colonel hung up and picked

up the other phone, the inside sys­tem. He left word at the gate thathe was expecting a visitor, and'couldbe found in the Infirmary. Then hewent quickly back to the little roomwhere Ceil waited, before the creep­ing dark edge of a critical consciencecou,Id quite eclipse the savage glowof his ego.

With a cup of coffee steaming inhis hands and the comfort ofan arm­chair supporting him, he decided itwas certainly unjust, but not at allunreasonable, for a man who hadbarely napped all night to take acertain irritable delight in awaken­ing another man at five - even. jfthere were no element of masculinecompetition - which of cours.ethere wasn't, really. This last pointhe repeated very firmly to himsdf,after which he coul~ give his fullattention to what Ceil was saying.

She was talking in a rambling

53

steady stream; words pouredthrough the floodgates now with the§ame compulsive force that had pro­duced the violent tears and wrackingsobs of an hour earlie~.He didn'thave to answer; he didn't even haveto listen, except to satisfy his owninterest. She had to talk; and" shewould have to do a lot more of it,too. But not all at once, he thoughtdrowsily, not all ofit atfive o'clock inthe morning.

Sometimes it happened this ·way.A single shock - and having one'sabdomen cut open is always a shock- was enough to jolt an individualover a sudden new threshold of ma­turity. Ceil had been crying for adouble loss: her own childhood, aswell as the baby she hadn't knownshe wanted till it WJlS gone. Now shehad to discover the woman she wasbecoming. But not all in the nexthalf-hour. . • "

The nurse came to the'door with ameaningful look. He stood up,reali~ing he had .waited too lQng to·tell the girl, uncertain now whichway to go. The nurse retreated fromthe doorway, and he stepped over tothe couch, sat down on the edge, andput his hand on Cei~'s arm.

"Look, kid, I have to go see.some­body now... '."

"Oh. I'm sorryl" She didn't looksorry; she looked relaxed and almostradiant, under the tousled hair andbe·hind the red eyes. "That otherwoman .•.. she's being operatedon today, isn't she?'.' ·

"Yes." And he'd damn near for..

54 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

The hoy was in the waiting roo.l1l;at the end- of the corridor, standingwith his back to the door, staringout of the window. He was taU­(alief than Edgerly'- and built big;even in rumpled tweeds there wasan enviable suggestion of th~ heroicin his stance and the 'set of hisshoulders. Empathy,. the .Coloneldecided, was going to be a bit harderto achieve than usual. He took a 'stepinto the room, a quiet step, hethought, but the boy turned im­media~ely, stepped forward himself,then paused.

Eagerness turned to uncer~ainty

.. gotten that hiinself. "Yes, but that's in his eyes, and then to disappoint­:·.not ... There's s9mebody here to mente He started to turn back to thesee you, really." window.

This time she did.n't think first of "Barton?" the Colonel askedparents. This tiffie she knew. sharply, and as the boy started for-

"Charlie ... I" ward again, the man' was suddenly"Adam." He smiled. genuinely annoyed with himself."Idon't ... Idon'tl(now ....?" Of course the kid didn't know whoHe didn't smile, but it was an he was; you don't spring to attention

effort. "Well, you'll have to decide. and. salute a ,lounging figure inI've got to go talk to him anyhow." wrinkled slac,ks and open..:neckedHe stood up and reluctantly left his shirt. For that -matter, they werehalf-full second cup of coffee on the hotk in civvies. His. irritation hadtray. At the door. he turned back been based on something else alto-

·and grinned at her. "While you're gether..making up YOQr mi.nd -we might.~ "I'm Colonel Edgerly,'" he said,-be a few minutes - you'd have time and was gratified to hear the trained~o comb your hair a littl~ if you friendliness of his own voice. "I'vewanted to, and things like been looking forward to meetingthat. . . ." . you." A little stiff, but all right . . .

He watched _her hands fly, dis.. He extended a hand, and the boymay.ed, to her .head, and saw her took it, doubtfully at-first, theri withquick 'horrified. glance in the wall increasing eager pressure.mir~o!. Her mind wasmade up. . .... "It's a pleasure to-meet ypu, sir.

M·rs. Lazarus told me about you.andhow much you'd done for - farCeiL I was hoping I'd g~t to see yOl:lwhile I was here.'t

"Nothing much to see now but.an empty shell." The Colonel pro"duced a smile. "Ceil will see you in afew ~inutes,. I think. Might as wellsit down and: take. it easy me~­

while....." He dropped into anoverstuffed chair, and waved theboy to another. "I'~e been in therewith her since three o'clock, or somewhere around there. You'll have toexcuse it if I'm not at my brightest."Sure, excuse it. Excuse me for beingfifteen years older and two inches

PROJECT NURSEMAID

shorter. Excuse her for being seductiveas all hell with a red nose. Excuse youfor being, so damn handsome! ExCuseit, please. '...

"Is she. . . is everything allright?" The kid was white under histan. "They said last night she wasresting comfortably. Did anything ... ?"

~'She's fine. She had a fit of theblues. It happens. Better it hap­pened so quickly, while she was stillhere...." He hesitated, not surewhat to say next. The boy on· theother chair waited, looking polite,looking concerned, looking intelli­gent.

A regular little nature's nobleman!the COlonel thought angrily, andgave up trying to generate any hon­est friendliness; he would be doingall right if he could just keep sound­ing that way.

"Now look," he said, "there. are acouple of things I ought to tell youbefore you go in. First of all, shedidn't ask to see you. It was my ownidea to' call you. I thought if youwere her'e, she'd·· be - glad."

~'11tank you, sir. I appreciatethat." -

Quite all right. No favors intended.As long as he allowed hi~self fullinner consciousness of. his resent­roent, he could maintain a proper'surface easily. "I don't know ~ow

'she'll act when 'you go in. She's beenhaving a-kind of crying jag, and,thena talking spell. If she wants you tostick around, you can stay as longas th~ nurse lets you, but you ought -

55

to bear in mind that she didn't havemuch sleep last night, anq she needssome rest. It might. be better,if youjust checked,in, so to·speak, and lether know yo.u're ~vailable, and comeback later for a real· visit - if shewants it. You'll have to decide thatfor' yourselves.' She . . ."

He stopped. There was so muchthe boy ought to know, so m\.Jchmore, in quantity and subtletyboth, than he could convey in' ashort talk in the 'impatient atmos"phere of a hospital waiting...room­or perhaps more than he could possi­bly convey to this particular personin any length of time anywhere.And he was tired - much too tiredto try.

"Look," he said. "There's anotherpatient I have to see while I'm here.The nurse will come and get you assoon as Ceil's ready for company.Just - sort of take it easy with her,will you? And if I'm not aroundwhen you're done, aSk the nurse togive me a ring. I'd -lik~ to talkto you some more."

"Yes, sir." The boy stood up.There was an easy grace in his move­ments that the Colonel couldn'thelp enjoying. "And - weH, I mean,thank you, sir."

The Colonel nodded. "I'll see youlater."

He spent half an hour being pro­fessionally reassuring at Nancy Kel­logg's bedside, while she ate herlight preoperative meal. With aclinical ear, he listened to her voi<::e

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION,56

more than her words, 'and fou·nd coid to argue the matter out. The~othing to warrant the exertion ofa compqsite individual thereupon ut­more personal and demanding kind t~red one explosive word, and Colo­of listening. As soon as he could, he nel Edgerly headed for the Infir­broke away and went upstairs to his mary.office, striding with dete~mined in- The nurse said, Yes, sir, they coulddifference past the little room wh~reget him some breakfast. Yes, sir.,Ceil and Charlie were talking. Mrs. Barton had seen Mr. Barton.

There was a spare uniform in his and she was now back in bed, asleepcloset. He showered and shaved in or on her way to it. Yes, sir, Mr.the empty locker room at the Offi- Barton was waiting. In ·the waitingeers' Club, and em,erged feeling rea- room. She had tried to call the Colo­50nably wide-awake and quite un- 'nel, but he was not in his office. Mr.reasonably hungry. It was too early Barton had decided to wait.yet fOJ the Depot. cafeteria to be "I told him you'd probably goneopen - not quite seven. .home, sir, and I didn't know if you'd

The Infirmary had its own be back today or not today;kitchen, of course . . . So that's itl but..."More understandable now, why he Home? There was more about thewas so hungry. He usually got along boy insisting -that the Colonelfine on coffee and toast till lunch; wanted to see him, but M-Iost mostand lunch was usually late - a good . of it while the realization dawneddeal ·more than four or five hours on him that. it was Thanksgivingafter he woke up. Day. He was officially not on duty

He stood undecided' in the chill at all. He could have . . .'Of the mQuntain-country morning, He could have gone away for themidway between the Officers' Club, weekend; but not having done so,the N~rsemaid building, and the he cOlddn't have refused the call inparking lot. All he had to do was get the middle 'of the night; nor couldinto his car and drive downtown to he leave now, with Young Lochin­a restaurant. Not even downtown: var waiting to see him, and Nancythere was an all-nigh't joint half a Kellogg expecting him to be aroundmile. down the road. when she was done in the operating

On the other hancl, he ought to be room.around, for the Kellogg woman as " ... anything in particularmuch as Ceil. . . . you'd like to have, sir?"

The Psychologist, the Officer, the Breakfast, ,he remembered. HeMan, and a number of identifiable smiled at the nurse. "Yeah. Hamvoices held a brisk conference, which and eggs and pancakes and potatoescame to an abrupt conclusion when and a stack of toast. Some oatmealthe Body decided it was too damn maybe. Couple quarts pf coffee."

PROJECT NUR~EMAID

She finally smiled back. "Anythingthat comes easy, but lots of it," he-finished, and went off to find Barton.

Colonel Edgerly put his coffee cupdown, lit a cigarette, and sank backinto the comfortable chair"savoringthe fragrance of the smoke, the fla­vor of food still in his mouth, the~verall sense of drowsy well-being.

On the edge of the same couchwhere Ceil had huddled under· ablanket earlier the same morning,

.Ceil's young man sat and talked,with almost the same determined£I·uency. But this time, the Colonelbad no desire at all to stop ~he flow.

He listened, and the more heheard, the harder it got to maintainhis own discomfort, or keep his jeal­ous distanc~ 'from .the boy. Barton­Bolido was a good kid; there was noway out of it. And Ceil, he thoughtwith astonishment, was another. A'Couple ofgood kids who had bumpedinto each other too soon and toohard. In a couple of years-

No. That's )low it could havebeen, if they hadn't met when'they

-did, and if the whole train of eventsthat followed' had never occurred.The way it was now, Charlie wouldhe ripening for marriage in two orthree more years';_ilut Ceil had justthis early morning crossed into' thecountry of maturity - unaware andunsuspecting, but no longer capableof turning back to the self-centeredinnocence of last summer or lastweek.

Briefly, the Colonel .turned his

57

prying gaze inside himselfand noted-with irritation, but no surprise, thatthe inner im~ge of the Ceil-childwas still vividly exciting while thenewer soldier Ceil evoked no morethan warm- and pleasant thoughts.Well, it wasn't a new problem,- andunless he sta~ted slapping teen-agerumps, it wasn't a ~rious one. Hereturned his attention to the younglady's young man, and waited for abreak in the flow of words to ask:

"I take it' you and Ceil are on... speaking terms agaift?"

-"Yes, sir."-"Good. It w~ important for her,

I think." ."How do you mean, sir?'~ The boy

looked vaguely frightened now."Just - oh, just knowing that

you came, that yo'u give a damn."

"I guess she had a pretty low opin­ion of me," the boy said hesitantly-.

"I wouldn't put it that way," theColone.l told him, professionallyreassurIng.

"Well, she did. And I'm not sosure she was wrong. Frankly, sir,I'm glad it turned out the way it did~I mean, if she had to - to get preg;,.nant, I'm glad:she came here. I don'tknow what I would have ..."

"Well, we're glad too," the Colo­nel interrupted. "And right now, itdoesn't really matter what you'would have done, if things workedout any other way. You could be-ablue-dyed skunk or a one-eyed Mar...tian and the .only thing that wouldmake any real difference is what Ceil

58

tho1;tght you were. She's gone througha tougs e~perience, and her ownopinion of herself, her ability to pullout of·this thing, is going to dependa lot on whether it all seemed worth­while - which means, in part, heropinion ofyou." He stood up. "Well,I suppose as long as I'm here, I

,might as well get some workdone.' ..."

"I didn't mean to take up so muchof your time, sir." -

"You didn't take it. I donated it.You going back to the hotel, or stickaround here?"

"I'd 'like to stay ·arouild if it'sall right."

"All right with me. Major Sawyer- Dr. Sawyer to civilians like you,boy - 'should pe in soon. If he kicksy~u out, you'll have to go. Ot~er­

wise, don't get in the nurse'S way,and I don't imagine anyone 'will care.I'll be down later myself."

He was in the doorway, when' theboy called, "Colonel . . ."

He turned back."Colonel Edgerly, I just wan'ted

to say.:- I guess I said it before; but~ I want to th~nk you' again.. Incase I don't see .you later. C~il­

Ceil told me how much you've donefor her, and how you arranged forDean Lazarus to get iq touch withme, and - well, I want you to knowI appreciate it, sir."

"Aw, 'twaren't nothin'." TheColonel grinned, and added: "Afterall, that's what I'm here for." Hewent on down the corridor to theelevators, and up to his office, com-

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

fortably aware of afull stomach anda fully distended sense of virtue.Everybody would live happily ever,after, and ·to top it all,. he had a fullday, ahead to catch up on the neg­lected paper work of months be­hind.

The phone was riQgingwhen .heentered the office. He had heard i ~all the way down the corridor, buzz~ing with tireless mechanical per-sistence. \

"Hello. 'Edgerly speaking.""Oh, Tom. Good. They told me

you were in, but switchboardcouldn't find you. Told 'em to keepringing till they got'you. Could yourun up for a minute? Couple thingsto talk over.". "Yes,' sir. I'm free no\v, if you'dlik· "e ...

"Fine. Come right up""The Colonel looked at the over­

stuffed Hold basket, and smiled.The paper work could wait. Hedidn't know what the General wasdoing there on Thanksgiving 'Day,and he.didn't care. This conferencewas long past due.

VIII

The General was doing the talk­ing; the Colonel sat in stunned si­lenc~, listening. Not the smallestpart of his shock was the realization·that the General not only sounded,but really was, sincere.

" ... when you're running anoutfit like this, Tom, the biggestthing is knowing whom to put the

PROJECT NUR iEMAID

presSHre on and when to e.ase up.You're a ,psychologist. You're sup­posed to be able to see somethinglike this, even when you're the onewho's concerned. These last couplemonths, now, you had a pretty freehand. You realize that?"

The Colonel nodded. It was true.He hadn't thought of it that way.He'd been champing at the .bit,waiting for some kind of recogni­tion. But it was t(ue.

"Okay, I think I did the rightthing. I. told you what we had tohave, and I told you I wasn't goi~gto tell you .·how to do it. 1 put somepressure on, and then I left youalone. I got the results I wanted. Wehad three s~ccessful applicants thefirst nine months, and three more inle~ than nine weeks afterwards..

"I didn't ask how you were doingit, and I didn't want to, know. "It'syour job, and the only time I'll messaround with what you're doing iswhen you're not getting results. Theonly trouble was, I didn't ask furenough, or I didn't do it soonenough. I should have allowed for abigger margin'ofsafety, and I didn't.That was my fault, not yours­but we're both -stuck with it now."

Again the Colonel nodded. Therewere guestions he should ask, ideashe should generate, but all he couldfeel at the moment was overpow~r­

ingly sleepy ~

'The General surprised him again."I take it you had a.rough night.

Suppose you take a copy of thetranscript with you. ~ook it over.

59

If. .you get any ideas, I'll he righthere. I~ve got 'to have an answerMonday morning, and it better.be agood one."

The Colonel took the stapled set.of onionskins, and stood up.

"Sorry to spoil your holiday,"the General rumbled.

The Colonel shrugged. "At lea~t

the holiday.gives us a few days tofigure things out."

The General nodded, and theyboth forgot to smile.

Back in his office, with a con­tainer of coffee getting cold on hisdesk, the Colonel read the.t~anscript

of the telephone conversation all theway through, carefully, ~nd thenthroug~ again.

The call had been put through to~e General's home phone at 7,:28that morning., from the Pentagonin Washington. Apparently therehad been some sleepless ,nig~ts onthat end too, after the arrival'of the

.Satellite Rocket·the eY"ening before.The conversation ran to seven

typed pages. The largest part of itwas a gingerbread facing of elabo­rately contrived informalities andirrelevancies. Behind the fa~de,·ofFlvial t~ts and ominous ple~~nt-

ries, the facts were. these: ', For reasons as yet unknown, therehad been three "premature'" ·deliv-_eries of PN's on the Base-: that is,the b~bies had come to term andbeen deliv.ered from their tanks,healthy and whole, several weeks inadvance of the expected dates. The

60

three "births," plus two that ·wereexpected, had all occurred within a36 hour period,- at a time when onlytwo of the three FP's were on Base.Mrs. Harujian wason Satelleave; andto complicate matters, .Mrs. Lenox,the .first one to go up, was sufferingat the time from an attack of colitis,a lingering af~er-effect of her firstlong unrelieved spell of duty"

Army nurses had had to put inextra time, spelling the two' womenin the nursery. The extra time hadbeen sufficient to foul up the Satel­leave schedule for the regular Armystaff on Base. A- four-star Generalwho had gone on the rocket toSatellite, {or the especial purpose ofconferring with a Base Captain,whose leave was canceled withoutnotice, inquired into the reasonstherefor, and returned on the rocketwithout having accom·plished theurgent business for which he hadsubmitted his corpulent person tothe discomforts of blastoff accelera­tion.

o The rocket had hardly touchedground, before the voice of the fourstars. was heard in the Pe~tagon.

Channels were activated. Routinereports were read. Special reportsanalyzing the routine re~rts wereprepared - and somewhere alongthe1ine, it became known that thePN schedule at the Depot was notwhat it should be.

The phone call to General Martintherefore informed him that onMonday morning a small but well­starred commission would set forth

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

from Washington to determine thenature of the difficulties at theDepot, and'make suggestions for theimprovement of conditions there.

For some time the Colonel sat inhis office digesting :these pieces ofinformation. At noon he went downto the· infirmary; said hello to Ceil,who was awake and looking cheerful;spent half an hour talking to Mrs.Kellogg,. who was being prepared forthe operating room; left word thathe would be with the General, ifnot in his own office, when she cameout of anesthesia; declined, with­thanks~ 'an invitation from the staffto join them in Thanksgiving din­ner; and went upstairs' to see his boss.

The conference 'was shorter thanhe had expected. The General hadalso been doing some thinking, andhad arrived at his conclusions.

"We took..a gamble, and we lost,that's all," he said. "I figured by thetime the shipments began to fall offenough so anybody would notice~

we'd be back on a full schedule ofoperation again. Somebody rio~iced

too soon, that's all. Now we haveto get back to schedule right away.As long as we do that, there won'tbe any heads rolling. . . .

"Now this Serruto woman isready to go on the next trip, thatright?"

The Colonel nodded, waiting."Then you've got, what's-er...

name, Breneau?,.she's scheduled forJanuary 6, that right? And Mac~n­

tosh just started training, she goesJanuary 20? Okay, I want those two

--PllOJECT NURSEMAID

·accelerated. I'll give you any facili.. ·ties. or help you need, but I wantthem ready for December 23 andJanuary 6 instead."

The Colonel did some quick fig..uring, and nodded. "We can managethat."

"Okay. The next thin"g is, I want­somebody else started right away.You got a back file of maybe nine...teen-twenty names that are open for-reconsideration. Couple of 'em evenlmd medicals already.- I want _one·started next week. She goes up'with Mackintosh January 6."

"Yau realize, sir, you're asking··me to send up a woman I've alreadyrej ected as unsatisfactory, and to doit with only five weeks training in..stead of two months?"

-, "I'm not asking you. -I'm tellingyou. That's an order, Colonel. You'ilget it in writing tomorrow."

"Yes sir.""Oh, hell, Tom, take it easy, will

you? I'm sorry I had to put it thatway, but'I'm taking responsibilityfor this. You don't -have to agree;all you have to do is produce. You .give me_ what I want, I give themwhat they want, and after thing set...tie down, you can get things goingmore the way you want 'em."

"May I say something, sir? BeforeI start doing what I'm told?"

"Sure. Go ahead.""You were talking about a margin

ofscifety. I'm worried about t4e samething. You want to make sure wehave enough people up there tohandle a normal scheduled flow of

61

shipm·ents. I want to See the· samething. But sending up ten or twentyor fifty unqualified women isn'tgoing to give us any margin . . •sir."

"It's sure going to look like one.""Yes sir.""All right. How would you do

it?""I'd tell the Pentagon boys what

we're doing, and why, and stickwith it. I wouldn't start more PN's­till we're sure we have enough FP's.And I'd start doing some scouti~g

around for the FP's."-"Oh, ·we got back· to that? The

publicity campaign?""I still think it's a good idea.""Okay, Tom, let's get a couple of

things straight. You made a sug­gest~on, and I didn't pay a.ny atten"tion, and you went ahead and triedit out anyhow. Yeah, sure I knowabout it. What do you think I meantthis morning .about knowing whento put on pressure? You. did it theright way. You were discreet andsensible, and it worked - a one'"man campaign, fine.

"But what you could do that waywasn't e~ough, so you sent me an­other little not'e, because you wantedto get it set up officially, and expandit. Well, look, Tom, I don't want tosound -insulting. I know you knowa lot about people, that's your job.But you know 'em one-at-a-time,Tom~and it's been my business fora hell of a long time -to kno~ themaH-in-a,.bunch, _and believe me-

"You sta-rt it big full-scale public'"

62

ity campaign on ,this thing, andwe'll be out of business so fast,you won't know what hit you. TheAmerican people won't stand forit, if they know what's going onhere."

"They know now, sir. We're notSecret."

"Yeah. TheY'know. If they sub..scribe to the New York, Times andread the science column on' page 36.Su're we're not Secret; the Project ispart of the knowledge of every well..informed citizen. And how manycitizens does that include? Look atthe Satellite itself, Tom. It was no~ecret. The people who read thesmall print knew all about it wayback soine time in the 1940's whenit was mentioned in a congressionalbudget. But it sure as ,hell surprisedthe citizens when it got into the sky- and into the headlines. We can'trisk the headlines yet. If peopleknew all about us ... . well, prob..,ably we could win over a good ma­jority. But if all they see is the head­lin~s and the lead .paragraphs andthe editorials in the opposition pa"pers . . . and don't think theyaren't going to make it sound as ifthe governm.ent was running·a sub­sidized" abortion 'ling! poes thatmake it any clearer?"

"Yes, sir. A lot clearer.""Okay. I'll get official orders

typed up in the morning, a1)d a newschedule for trainees. Now youmight as well knock off, and enjoy'what's left of the holiday. Startworrying tomor~ow. "

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

Colonel Edgerly sat in a chair bythe head of a hospital bed and lis~

tened to fears and complaints, andwas grateful that Nancy Kelloggwas ~eally married, and had threechildren and a husband at home,and was not going to go off any,..deepends in the immediate future. Hemade little jokes and reassuringnoises, and held the Iittle p~n forher when she was sick the secondtime.

With the surface of his mind helistened to everything she said ~ndcould have repeated a perfect catalo­gue of all her aches and pains. Whenshe moved onto the subject ofprevious deliveries, he asked inter­ested questions at appropriate inte..­valse She wanted to talk, and that,was fine, bec:ause as long as he keptthe top surface busy, he didn't haveto pay attention to what was goingon farther down.

When she began to get sleepy, hewe'nt and found Ceil, who waswatching television out in the staffroom. She turned off the set andstarted a stream of nervous smalltalk, froin which he could gatheronly that she had been doing someheavy thinking and had a lot to say,hut dido;'t know how to say it.Whatever it was, it did not seem tobe particularly explosive or mel­ancholy; when the nurse came totell her it was· time to be back inbed, he ignored the girl's hopefullook, and said he would see her nextday.

He started off up the corridor,

PR.0JECT NURSEMAID

knowing what he was heading forand hoping something or someone'would stop him. Nothing and no-body did. He stepped through thewide door at the far end of the hall,and waited while the student nurseencased him in sterile visitor's cover­alls. Inside, he wandered up anddown the rows of tanks, stoppingoccasionally to stare through aglassed top as if he could see throughthe membrane and the liquids, oreven perhaps through pale flesh andcartilage and embryonic organs, tosome secret center of the soul, to'the small groupings of undevelopedcells that would some day spell mindand psyche in the walking, living,growing, feeling, thinking bodies ofthese fiat-faced fetal prisoners.

Charlie,. the KaydeJ, had said tohim wistfully, "1 wish the kid couldhave my name." 'To carry to thestars, he/meant. But not right now,not here' on Earth, oh no, thatwould be t90 embarrassing....

Ori the tanks there were nonames: just numbers. And in the'office down the hall, a locked filecase contained a numbered' folderfull of names and further numbersand reports and 'charts and graphsof growth and in every folder of the37, one name at least appeared. Hisown.

They're not my babies., he thought:angrily., an9 with reluctance: Yesthey are.

You need to get married, he toldhimself clinically. Have one ofyourawn . ..

63

That would be an answer, onekind of answer. But not an answer­to the problem now at hand. It wasan answer for girls like Ceil, andlater for boys like Charlie - for thepOOple who had listened to his prom­isesand pledges, and walked away,and left their babies here.

They walked out. So can· I. ....The- job the Generals wanted donewas not a job th~t he could do. Soquit! It could be done. The typed­out request for a transfer was in hispocket now. Quit now, and let themfind him a job that wasn't 'too bigfor a merely human being. Get mar­ried, have some kids. Let somebodyelse ...

He couldn't.If he· knew which somebody, ,if

there were a Colonel Edgerly totalk to him and reassure him andpromise him, so he'd' believe it, thathis babies would be cared for ...

He laughed, and the vapor form"ing on the face-plate of the ·sterilesuit made him aware that he was.uncomfortably warm and had beenin there too long. H~ Went' out andstripped off the cov'eralls. His uni~

fonn was wet witlr sweat, and hesmelled of it. Through empty halls~e went upstairs, 'avoiding even theelevator, grateful to meet no one onthe way. In his own office, he stoodand stared out of the window at thefaint edge of sunset behind themountains, no more than a glow ofredsnaping the ridges against a darksky..

He took the wilted ~heet of paper

IX

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

you assumed, whatever r~sponsi...bility came with it, there was alwayssome higher auth~rity that could re'"lieve you of a Godhead you couldnot surrender.

64

from his pocket and would havetorn it up, but instead he openedthe bottom desk drawer and filed itwith all the other unfulfilled acts ofrehellion.

The parents of these childrencould walk out, and had done so.But the man who had eased theresponsibility from their shoulders, In the morning, he felt calm andwho had used his knowledge of hu- almost cheerful. His own persona'lman beings and his trained skill in· decision was' made, and the'conse~

dealing with them to effect the quences we~e clear to him, but. the.transfer of a living human embryo career th~t .~ad mattered veryfrom .its natural mother to a tank, much at one time seemed compara'"of surrogate nutrient, the man who tively unimportant at this juncture.had dared to determine that one' He checked off the list of appoint..particular infant, as yet technically ments for the day - Kellogg, Bar...unborn, would be one of"the thou- tOD, Mackintosh, two new names,sand who would grow up no.t-quite- FP. applicants; he read the mail,Earthmen, to become the represent... and read the typed orders andatives of Earth over as-yet-uncov... schedule that came down from theerable distances ---- the man who' General's office; he went efficientlyhad .done all this could not then~ through the day's routine, and'calmly, doff. his Godhead,. hand it to whenever thlere was ten minutes toanother man, and-say, "I quit," and spare, he worked on 'the report thewalk away. ~eneral required for Monday morn-H~ changed his clothes and got lng.

his car from the near-empty parkirig Saturday was an easier day. Helot and drove. Not home. Anywhere talked to Ceil in the morning, andelse. He drove toward the moun- signed her release, and told her totains, off the highway, onto winding come see him any time she felt shedirt roads that needed his f~ll atten- wanted to. Then 'he went upstairs,tion in the dark. He kept the win.. and finished the report. Read itdow down and let the night wind through, and tore it up, half-angrybeat at him and when, much later, and half-amused at the obvious in­he got home, he' was tired enough tent of his defiance. Making sure youto sleep. get fired is not at all, different from

The blessing of the Army, he quitting.thought, as he slid from wakeful- He. went carefully through theness, was that there was always some- card-file of rejects and selected halfone over you, Whatever authority.. a dozen names, then started. the re-

Prt0JECT NURSE~ID

port again. Along toward mid-~fter"

~oon, he buzzed the Sergeant to~rder a belated lunch. sent up, andnot till after he had hung up<did he'stop to wonder what she was doing ather desk. She was supposed to go offduty at n~o~ on Saturdays: He

"picked· up the phone again."Hey, Sarge - didn't you hear

the noon whistle?""Noon .... ? Oh. Yes, sir." I

"You don't have to stick aroundjust because I do, you know. Theydon't pay overtime in this man's.·Army any more."

"I ... don't mind,' sir. There'snothing special I have- to do today.I thought if I staye<;l to answer the,*one, you could ... you'll wantthat report typed when you're fin­ished, won't you, sir?"

Well, I'll be damned! He was sur­prisingly touched by her thought­fulness. "It wa~ good of you ~o thinkof it, Helen." As soon as the words.were out, he realized how wrongthey Yiere. Too formal, and then herfirst name - it didn't sound likewhat he meant. "I appreciate it," heaqded, even more stiffly.

"That's all right, Colonel. I rea~ly

don't· mind. I didn't have any"thing special to do, and I justthought : .."

He put the receiver down, got upquickly, and opened-the connecting.door. She was sitting there, stillholding her phone, looking slightlybaffled an9 faintly embarrassed. Hegrinned, as the click of the door­latch startled her. "You're a good

65

kid, Sarge, .but there's no sensehanging onto a phone with nobodyon the other end."

She flushed, and replaced the re"ceiver on its hook. Apparently any·~hing he said was going to be wrong-- but this was hardly surprisingwhen, after four months of almostdaily association, he suddenly founda.person instead of a uniform sittingat the outside desk.

"Tongue-tied schoolboy, that'sme," he said defiantly. "I just neverlearned how to say Thank You po"litely. Even when I mean it. I thinkit .was damned decent of you tostay,- and I appreciate what you'vedone so far, but I'm not going to letyou toss away the whole weekendjust because I'm stuck in the'mud.Look ... did you order that stuffyet?"

"No ... no, sir.""Could you stand to drink a cup

of coffee?" He grinned.·· "With asuperior officer, I mean?"

Almost, she smiled·. The AlmostPerfect Lady Soldier, he thought \vithrelief. -

I ."Yes, sir, I think I could.""All right~ Pick up your marbles

and let's get out of here. I could usea break myself. After that," he fin­ished, "you're going home. I'll tellthe switchboard I've gone myself,and let them take any calls. ·And asfar as the typing -goes, I don't knowwhen· I'm going to have this thingfinished. It could be 3 o'clock in themorning . . . and I can always getone of-the kids from the pool ~o ty.~

66

it up tomorrow, if I'm too 1a~y to doit myself." ~

She frowned faintly; then her facesmoothed out again into its cus­tomary unruffled surface of compe­tence. ~'You're the boss." Shesmiled and shrugged almost imper­ceptibly. "Let's go!"

He had thought he ~anted com­pany. A short break would be good.Generalized conversation - en­forced re(ocusing of attention­sandwich and coffee - twenty min­utes of non-concentration. Fine.But all the way to the commissaryhe walked. in silence, and when theyfound a table and sat down, it tookonly the simplest q~ery - "How's,it coming?"~ to .set him off.

He talked. -For an. hour and a half, while suc-·

cessive cups of coffee cooled in frontof him, he talked OlJt all he meant tosay. Then when he finally looked atthe clock and found it read almost 5,.he said, abashed, "Hey - didn't Itell you ~o go.h~m.e?" ._

"l'm glad I didn't," she said.There was a note of intensity' in

the saying of it that ma~e him lookmore closely. She meant it! It wasn'ta proper secretarial remark.

"So am I," he ~old her with eq~l

seriousness. "I got more done yak..king at you here than I would ,havein five hours, crumpling up sheets atmy.desk. Thanks."

He smiled, and for an instant he.~

thought the uniform would slipaway· entirely, but the..answering~ile was only in her eyes. ·At least,

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

he thought, she'd refrained fromgiving him her standard Reception­ist's Special. . . •

He didn't do any more that d~y.Sunday morning, he Went into theoffice early, and started all overagain, this time knowing. clearly~hat he meant to say, and how.When the phone ran"g, at I I, he hadalmost completed a final draft.

"This is Helen Gregory, sir. Ithought I'd call, and find out if you'wanted that report typed up to­day ... ?"

Blessyou, gal! "As a matter offact,I'.tn just about done with it now,"he started, and then realized he hadalmost been betrayed by her matter­of-fact tone in'to accepting the sacri­fice of the rest of her weekend."It's not very long," he finished,not as he'd planned. "I'll have plentyof time to type it up myself. "fakeY9urself a day off, ·Sarge. You earnedit yesterday, even if you didn't haveit coming anyway."

"I ... really don't mind." Hervoice had lost its easy certainty."I'd like to come in, if I can help."

Ohmigod! He should have knownbetter than to crack a surface assmooth as hers. Yesterday afternoonhad been a big help, but if she wasgoing to start playing mamanow ...

"That's very kind of you, Helen,"he said. "But there's really no needfor it."

"Whatever you say . . ." Shesounded more herself. again - or

PROJECT NURSEMAID

her familiar self~ butstill she leftit hanging, clearly not content. Hepretended not to notice.

"Have a good day," he said cheer..fully. "T~morrow we maybe die.And thanks again."

"That's all right, sir. I really - Isuppose I'm just curious to see howit came out, really."

"Pretty good, I think. I hope.I'll leave a copy on your desk toread in lthe morning. Like to knowwhat you think - Hey! where. doyou .keep those report forms?". "Middle drawer on the left. Thepale green ones. They're' quadrupli­cate, you know - and onionskin forour file copy is the top drawer on,that side."

"It's a good, thing you called. I'dhave had t~ place upsid~ down try-­ing to figure that out. Thanks,Sarge - and take it easy."

He hung up thoughtfully; thensh<:lQk his head· and dismissed theSergeant, and Iwhatever problemsshe might represent, from his im­mediate universe. He spent anotherhalf-hour changing and rewordingthe final paragraph of ~he report,and when he was satisfied that he atleast'could not improve i t further,found the forms and carbon sheetsneatly stacked where she'd said. Ahell of a good secretary, anyhow.Nothing wrong in her wanting tomother-hen a little bit. He was theone who was over-reacting. . . .

The father-pot calling the mot~er­

kettle neurotic, he thought bitterly.And that was natural eno\lgh too.

67

Who could possibly resent it more?He stacked a pile of sheets and

inserted them in the typewriter,wishing now he'd been rationalenough to trade on the girl's betternature, instead of rej ecting so hard.It would take him a couple of hoursto turn out a decent-looking copy.She could have done it in thirty..minutes.. i •

The phone jangled at his elbow;he hit two keys simultaneously onthe machine, jamming it, and reachedfor the receiver.

"Colonel Edgerly . . . ?"Excited young female type. Not

the Lady Soldier. ."Speaking.""Oh . . . Tom. Hello. This is

Ceil." She didn't have to tell him;he knew from the breathless way shesaid his first name. "I tried to callyou at home, but you weren'tthere. fI •• I hope I'm not bustinginto s<?~ething important?"

"Well, as a matter of fact-"Wha-tever it was she wanted, thiswasn't his day to give it out. "Look,kid, will it keep till tomorr~w? I'vegot a piece of work here I'm tryingto finish up -" Mayhe she couldtype, he thought, and reluctantlyabandoned the idea. .

" ... really what I wanted any­how," she was saying. He had missedsomething and,backtr~cking,missedmore. " .. ~ only time we're bothfree, and I wanted to check withyou ahead of time ..." Who wasboth? Charlie maybe? Coming toask for his blessing?

['m getting, hysterical, he de~ided,and managed to say goodbye_ascalmly as if he knew what the callhad been about. Tomorrow. She'd'come in tomorrow, and then hc"dfind out. "

One isolated phrase jumped' outof the lost pieces: ". . . called yes­terday . . ." The Sergean~had beenturning away calls all, day, and, heha.dn't looked at the slips when heleft, because he thought he was com­ing bac~.

He found them on her' desk,neatly stacked. Ceil had called, twice:no message. A Mrs. P~nckney of .thelocal Child Placement Bureauwanted to speak with him about arpatter, <;>f importance; he dimly re­,membered meeting her at the Laz­~rus' party. Two candidates forFP had made appointments for nextweek. The rest were interdepaJt­mental calls, and the Sarge hadhandled them all.

His hand hesitated brieHy overthe phone as he considered'callingSergeant Gregory and giving themboth the gratification of allowing herto do the typing for him. Then hetook himself firmly in hand, andheaded back to the inner office andthe typewriter. No need to pile upfuture grief.just to avoid a couple ofhours of tedium.

He settled down, unjammed thestuck keys, and sta~ted again witha fresh stack of paper.

In the'morning, over his breakfast~coffee, he read again through the

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

carbon ,copy he had brought home,and decided it would do. He hadmanaged to give the General whathe'd 'asked for, and at the same timestate his own position, with a mini­mum of wordage and - he hoped- a. maximum of clarity.

The report began by complyingwith the specific request of theGeneral. it listed the· names of sixrej'ected candidates who might bereconsidered. The first three, all ofwhom he recommended, includedMrs. Leahy, the madam; Mrs. Bua­naventura, who had failed to besent' through for further testing be­cause she had only one arm; and aMr. George Fitzpatrick, whose ap­plication had been deferred, ratherthan rej ected, since they planned tostart sending men later.

He pointed out that in the firsttwo' cases the particular disabilitiesof-the ladies would not, in practice,make any difference to their ef­fectiveness; ancl in the case of theman - if the program were to beaccelerated other ways, why not thisway too?

There followed a list of threenames, conscientiously selected asthe least offensive of those in hisfile who might- be expected. to qual­ify on Medic and Security checks;in these three 'cases he undertook,as Psychological Officer, to qualifyany or all for emergency appoint­ments of two months, but added

.,.- that he could not, in his professionalcapacity, sign his name to full-termcontracts for anyone of them. '

PROJECT NURSEMAID

The next section was a single pageof ,figures and statistics, carefullychecked, recommending a generalslow...down fpr the Projec.t, based onthe percentage ofacceptable FP can­didates encountered so far. A semi­~nal paragraph proposed an alter...'nate plan: that if the total numberof applicants for FP positions could

I be increased, by means of an intelli­gently directed publicity program,the number of acceptable candi­dates might be expected to be largeenough to get the Proj ~ct back to itsoriginal schedule in three months.

And then the final paragraph:"It should be remembered, in

reviewing, this situation, that on thisProject we are dealing with humanbeings, rather than inanimate ob­jects, and that rigid specificationsof requirements must in each in­dividual case be interpreted 'by the,judgment of another human being.As an Officer of the Space Service,whose quty it is to make such judg­ments, I cannot, in all conscience,bring myself to believe that I shouldinclude in my considerations anyextraneous factors, no matter ofwhat degree, of importance. My of...ficial approval or rejection of any

...individual can be based onlv~on thequalifications of that individual."

He read it through, and drove towork, wondering what the chanceswere that anyone besides the Gen­eral would ever see it.

The day was routine, if you dis­counted the charged air of suspense

69

that circulated through the build­ing from the time the three star­studded Washingtonians drove intothe parking lot-and disappeared i'ntothe General's office. The Colonerconducted the usual number of in­terviews, made minor decisions,emptied a box of kleenex, and' re'"placed it.

For the Colonel, there was a feel ...ing of farce in every appointmentmade for the fu.ture and every pieceof information carefully ,elicited andfaithfully recorded. But the Ser~

geant, at least, seemed to have comeback to normal, and played the roleof Lady Soldier with such conyic...tion that the whole absurd melo~

drama seemed,· at times, almost real.She complimented him gravely onthe report when she h~nded him hislist of appointments; thereafter, theweekend and' ,its. stresses seemed for­gotten entirely in the familiar rou­tine 'of a Monday ,morning.

At 10:30,. Mrs. Pinckney calledagain. It seemed she was going to asocial welfare convention in Mont­real next month; would the Colonellike to work with her on part of apaper she' meant to present there,in which she could "plug" the Proj ...·ect?

He couldn't tell her, throughthe office switchboard, that the bosshad rapped his' knuckles and threat­ened to wash his mouth with soapif he kept talking about, indelicatematters outside the office. He sug­gested that they get together duringthe w<7ek; he~d call her when he saw

7°some free time. She hung up, ob...viously ch~grined at the coolness "ofhis tone, and immediately the phonebuzzed again.

This time it was the Sergeant."I just !emembered, sir, there weresome phone' slips from Saturdaythat you didn't see.."

",Thanks. I picked 'em up yes-terday." :-

"Oh. Then you know Mrs. Bar...ton. cailed? "She seemed very ea­~r-"

"Yuh. She called again yesterday.That's what made me check theslips. Oh, yes. She's coming in to­day, sometime."

"She didn't say when, sir?""No. Or"I'm not sure. If she did,

I don't remember." And what dif­ference ·did it make?

."Shall I call her back and check,sir ?"

",'1 don't see why." It was gettingirritating now. Apparently, the Ser­geant was going to remain slightlyoff-keel about ",anything conne~ted

with the ·weekend. Well, hethought, one could be gritteful atleast for small aberrations~ if theystayed small. "She'd be in class now,anyhow," he added sharply.

"Yes, sir. It's just that I under­stand you'll probably be going upto the Conference right after lunch.So if it was important . . ."

"It wasn't,'; he said with finality."If I'm busy when she comes in, shecan wait."

"Yes, sir."He hung up, wondered. briefly

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

"about the exact nature of the rumorchannels through whi,ch the se~r~taries of the Depot seemed alwaysto know before the decisions wereactually made just what was goingto happen where and when, gave itup as one of the grea.t insoluble mys­teries, and went ba,k to the ridicu­lous- business of carrying on ,thenormal <tay's work.

,At noon, the General's secretaryinformed Sergeant Gregory that theGeneral and his visitors were going,out to lunch and that the Colonel'spresence Was requested when theyreturned, at 1330 hours. The S~r­

geant reported the information toher superior. He thanked her, but"she didn't go away. She stood there~,

looking uncomfortable. ,"Something else?""Yes, sir,. there is. It's ... not

official."There was an urgency in her tone

that drove away his first quick irri­tation. He focused on her morefully, .arid decided that if this wasmore of the mothering act, it wasbo"thering her even more than it didhim. "Sit down, Sergeant," h~ saidgently. "What's -on your mind?"

"No, thanks. I all right."She sat down. -"I just wantedto tell you, sir... I m~an Ithought I ought to let you kno\vbefore you go. up ..."

"Yes?" he prompted. And wherehas my little Lady Soldier gone?

"It's about your report. I can'ttell you how I know, sir, but I un-'derstand the General turried it over

PROJECT NURSEMAID

to the other officers. Maybe 1shouldhave ..."

"Excuse me." He was beginningto feel a burst of excitement. Hisfirst reaction to the idea of beingincluded in the Conference at allhad been a sinking certainty thatEdgerly was going to play Goatafter all. But if they'd seen his re­port ... "I won't ask you how youknow, but I do want to find out justhow reliable your source is," hoe saideagerly. It was possible, just barelypossible, that his ideas might begiven some serious consideration bythe Investigating Committeel

"It'~ reliable," she sa~d tightlyand paused, then went on withquick-worded determination: "Per­haps I should have said somethingbefor~, when I read it, but it was toolate by then .to make any changes,So I ... I mean, if you'd agreedwith me, sir. 'But the way you wrotethe report, it does - excuse me, sir,but it makes such a perfect out for,the General! I know you've beencooperating with him, and he knowsit, but anyone who just read thereport . , ." She stood up, notlooking' at him, and said rapidly, "Ijust thought I ought to let youknow before you go up, the way itlooks to me, and, how it might lookto them. I'm sorry if I should havespoken up sooner.""

She turned and almost ran for the·door.

"That's all right, Sarge," he said"almost automatically. "It wouldn'thave done any good to tell qle this

71

morning. I should have-let you comein yesterday. . . .".

Just before the door closed, he hada glimpse of a shy smile in whichgratitude, apology, and sympathymerged to warm friendliness. Butthe marvel of this, coming. from theSergeant, was lost entirely in thehollowness of his realization that hewas going to get what he wanted.He was going to get fired. The Gen­eral had passed the buck with ex'"pert ease, and Tom Edger~y wouldbe quietly relieved ofa post" thatwastoo big for him, and -

He felt 'very very sick.

x

The two girls walked in throughthe open door, just ho~ much later

.he didn't know. He'd been sitting.with his back to the desk, staringout the window, remembering thecare he had taken to write. that re­port in such a way as to defeat hisown acknowledged weakness, andmarveling bitterly at the subcon­scious skill with which he had com­posed the final document.

He heard the noise .behind him,a hesitant cough-and-shuffle of in­trus'ion, and turned, realizing thatHelen would have gone out forlunch and left the doors open.

It was Ceil; the other girl withher was the lastPN before her. Theyhad met in the Infirmary, he sup­posed; Janice had gone home lastTuesday; Ceil came in Monday.Yeah. .

FANTASY AND SCIENCE 'FICTION72

They both looked very intense. They looked at each other, and.Not today, kids. Some other time. Ceil took a deep breath, .and saidHe stood up, and sm!led, and began evenly: "We want to apply forrehearsing the words to get rid .of Foster Parent positions."them. He smiled tolerantly. Then he

C~il stepped forward hesitantly. stopped smiling. It was impossible,"Was this a ·bad time to come? If obviously. A couple of kids - .you're busy, we could make it to- "Why?-" he asked, and as a jumblemorrow instead. It's' just, lunch of answers poured .oq.t, he thought,hour is the only time we're both w~.th mount~ng elation, Why not?free, and we wanted to come to- "My mother acts like1 comniittedgether. Jannie works late .... ~' a sin...." That was Janice.

She was chattering, but only be~ , "In two years, Charlie can getcause she had sensed something married...."wrong. . "... maybe I did, but if I helped

"It's nota good day," he said to take care pf some of them ..."slowly, and glanced at his watch and "... I'd know more about howback at the girls, and knew defeat to manage in a place like that, inagain. Whatever it was, it was im- case We did •.." Ceil.portant - to them. ". . . even if it wasn't my

"Well, we. can come in tomor -" own..." ""You're here, now," he pointed That was the catch, of course.

out, and formed his face into a They'd play favorites. They'd­smile. "I ha~e some time now, any- ifthey didn't know - Mrs. Mackin­how." The time didn't matter to tosh had said, if you weren't so oh­him. He had more than half an hour viously oriented in the opposite direc­yet before he had to go uPstairs and tion...get put to sleep in the mess of a bed Janice'- she was the one who'dhe had made. "Sit <fown,'" he said" had an-affair with her boss~ He was­and pulled the extra chair away going fo "marry her of cours~, butfrom the, wall over to the desk. when she found out she was preg-

They sat OB the edge of their nan~, it turned out he already had aseats, leaning' forward, eager, and wife. No job, no man. He would paybOth.-of them started talking at once, for her to get rid of it - but sheand then both stopped. .. wouldn't. She couldn't. And she

"You tell him/' Ceil said. "It was couldn't stay home and have it; it~our id~ fi~~t." would kill her mother, she said"....

"You'cansayitbetter," the other Ceil-Ceil came in as a child,one said. liot knowing, not understandin~

For God's sake, one ofyou gel to it! and' downs~airs, in a ho~pital bed, she"Spit it out," he. said brusquely. grew up.

PROJECT NURSEMAID

Acouple of kids, sure. But women,too. Grown women, with good rea'"sons for wanting to do a particularjob.

He heard the Sergeant come in,and flew into a whirlwind ofactivity.·It was 1 :15. By 1 :27, they hadboth applications neatly filled out

.and the already-completed Medicaland Security checks out of thefolders. The psych tests for FP'swere more comprehensive than theones they'd had, b~t he knewenough to figure he was safe.

He took another. twenty seconds­to run a comb through his hair andstraighten his tie. Theil he went up­stairs. '

The Colonel sat at his desk, andilled in an application form neatlyand quickly. He signed his name atthe bottom and stood up andlooked out the hig, window andlaughed without noise, till he real..ized there was a tear rolling downhis cheek.

It was all over now, but it wouldall begin again tomorrow morning,and the next day, and the next. Thevisiting Generals had accomplishedtheir purpose, which was to goose'Nursemaid into action, and hadgone back home. The resident Gen­eral had come through without ablot on his record, because it w~s allthe Colonel's fault. The Colonelbad come through with a number ofnew entries in his record, andwhether they shaped up to a blot ora star he cQuld not yet, tell.

73,

The interview had been dramatic,but now the drama was done withand the last piddling compro~isehad been agreed on: the two newcandidates; plus the man, Fitzpat­rick; plus consideration for menfrom now on; plus reviewing the'backfiles of PN's to see how manymore weie willing; plus the trickl~that could be expected from thissource in the futur€; plus an overall20 per cent slowdown in the originalschedule; plus policy conferences inWashington on the delicate matterof publicity; plus a reprimand to theColonel for his attitude, and a com­mendation to the Colonel for 'hiswork .- ..

He pushed the buzzer, ,and theSerge~nt came in.

"Sit down," he told her.She sat."It just occurreq to me," he said',

"that the - uh - dtamatic state­ments on those applications you,typed up were ... extraordinarilywell put?" He kept the smile back,with a great effort.

"What statements did you mean,sir?" The Perfect Lady. Soldier'!ladher perfect deadpan back.

"The last questions, Sergeant. Youknow - 'Why .do you desireto . . ..' The answers thaJ were allabout ho~ Colonel Edgerly had in­spired the applicants with under­standing, patrio~ism, maternal emo­tion, and - similar admirable quali­ties."

"I -" There was a faint, but ·notquite repressed, glint in the Ser-

74 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

geant's eye. "I'm afraid, sir, I sug- when you buzzed -" Her eyes weregested that they let me fill that in; fixed one foot to the right of hisit would be quicker, I thought, than face, and her cheeks were red.trying to take down everything they "Yes,nhe said. "There is some'"\vanted to say." thing else - unless you're .in a

"Sergeant," he said, "are you hurry. It can wait till tomorrow, ifaware that those applicati9ns be- you have a date or ·anyt~ing."come.a part of the permanent file?" "No, sir. I'm free."

"Yes, sir." Now she was having "All right, then. What do youtrouble ·not looking smug. like to drink, and where would you

"And are you also aware tha.t it is prefer to eat? I have lousy taste indesirable to have truthful. replies in perfume, and lowe you something,those records?" God knows - besides which, it's

"Yes, sir." She didn't feel smug about t~e we got acquainted; wenow, and for a moment he was 'afraid may be working together for a while,he'd carried the ja'ke too far. He after all." .meant to thank her, but ... "Yes, She was still embarrassed, butsir," she said, and looked directly at 'she was also pleased. And his quickhim, not hiding anything at all. "I glimpse' before had not .,fully pre­wrote the truth as I saw it, sir." pared him for how' sweet her smile

The Colonel didn't answer right" was, when she wasn't doing it pro-away. Finally he said, "Thanks. fessionally. .Thanks a lot, Sergeant." There was just one more thing he

"There's nothing to tnank me had to do before he left.for." She stood up. "I hope it - I He took the application for ahelped?" Foster Parent position from the top

"I'm sure it did." of his desk - the one with his ownShe took a step, and stopped. name signed to it - and filed it in

"I'm glad. I think - if you don't the bottom desk drawer. There wasmind my saying so, sir, I think a job to be done here - a job hethey'd have a hard time finding couldn't possibly do·right. The re'"anybody else to do the job you're quirements were too big, and thedoing. I mean, to do it as well." limitations were too narrow. It was

He looked at her sharply, and then the kind qf a job you could never beat the filled-out form on his desk. sure was done right - or even done.

"I guess I have to say Thank You But the Sergeant~ who was in aagain." He smiled, and realized her pOsition to know - thought heembarrassment was even greater than could do it better than anvone else.his own. Time enough to go traip;ing off to

"1'11- is there anything else you the Moon when he finished as muchwant, sir? I was just going to l~ave of the j~b as they'd let him do, here.

In which a Washington writer depicts the unforeseeahle influence of Frank R.Stockton upon interstellar contacts.

Vywyk~y nORIS P. BUCK

'THE POLYHEDRAL SPACESHIPS HAD

first been telescopically observed onJuly 14 - Bastille Day, 1961. OnJuly 18 two went up in flames onsmashing into Earth's atmosphere,for which they seemed .unprepared.On July 19 the armada, except forthree vessels, withdrew beyond tele­scopic range. Four .days later thethree, orbiting spirally do\vnwardto brake their speed, landed success­fully on the Atlantic}. off Virginia,then bobbed rapidly up the Poto­mac. They stopped outside Wash­ington, close to the National Air­port. There the aliens, ignoring thesmall craft following them, hoppedonto land before anyone could makeother arrangements. ...

The Assistant Secretary of State,several scientists with assorted· clear­ances, and numerous lesser digni ta­ties, ~urried to them. They weretwice the size of kangaroos and sug~

gested a cross between a grasshopperand a praying mantis,. except forth~ir tails. Like insects, they hadexoskeletons. These w~reglossy black~xcept, again, for the tails,' whi.ch

consisted of s~all disks of e'very im­aginable color. They tinkled mu­sically with every movement; bycontrast, the creatures' joints soundedas if they needed oiling.

The Things, of which there were27, had neither no~es nor ears, butthey frequently set up masts re­sembling small radio antennae on theends of .their oddly shaped, triple­eyed heads. They also, on their sec­ond day here, fitted 'silvery tubesover their -mandibles. After that,they talked quite clearly"- abov~the din of their disks .and joints­in pleasant cantral to voices. Eithet

. they were telepathic, or they hadbeen maki.ng a special study ofEnglish - or possibly both. Theirfirst remark was that they wouldconsider ita favor if no one askedthem questions until the secondweek of their visit. This request wasscrupulously honored.

They were never seen to eat, buton the fifth day of the first week,during which they had gone sight­seeing with great thoroughness, theyasked if they could have brandy

75

76

Alexanders sent out to the ships atthe cocktail hour. On the sixth daythey asked to hav~ a sampling ofliterature read aloud to them, if thatwould not be inconvenient. Wash­ington hostesses begged to have thistake place in private' homes; andcompetition became savage for Kclearances, which anyone now had tohave who dealt with the ereatures.

At first there was an attempt toread the same material to all. Butthis broke down. One dear little old

.lady, ~ho lived in a large Victorianmansion, read them Frank R. Stock­ton's The Lady, or The Tiger? Thiswas the only work on which theymade 'comments. They were certain.their hostess was keeping the endingback. She explained again and again:the story was a popular teaser. Noone, perhaps not even the author,knew whether the hero found thecourt damsel or the tige~' when heopened the door in the arena. Thisleft the aliens wholly unsatisfied.

·"Don't you wish. you knew?"they asked.

"I do not," she said. "The charmlies in that baffling close." .

"Are you sure" (by no\v they usedthe vernacular easily) "that .youaren't holding out on us?"

"I'm certain," she answered in­dignantly.

The next day the Things were alittle late in st.arting their sightsee­ing. When they appeared, theyasked, a shade brusquely, if theymight visit all government agenciesreferred to only by initials. This w~s

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

quite a program; they covered every­thing from ACA (Advisory Com­mittee on Aeronautics) and ADERB(Animal Diseases EradicationRe­search Branch) to the revivedUSSBOS (United States StrategicBombing Survey) and VOCREC(Voluntary Credit Restraint Com­mittee). "Poetic," murmured one ofthem; "these stir the mind."

The aliens returned,. unusuallyquiet, to their ships, and most .peo­pIe in Washington and the metro'"politan area presently went to bed.Those who worked or played bynight found themselves' unaccount­ably sleepy. When all waken'ed (threedays afterward as astronomers in­formed them), the Potomac wasempty of anything extraterrestrial.The· Naval Observatory reportednothing, unusual in the sky.

Bu.t along the- Mall in Washing­ton, at caref~lly'spaced i~tervals

of two feet, three inches, lay a line ofhexahedr~ns, roughly the size ofchildren's pencil boxes. A)nly a .fewwere identical. They were' honey­combed, of various coppery shades,and slightly warm..If people triedto pick them up, they began togl~w and become incandescent. Theground .around them smoked and.soon· scorched in widening areas..Even scientists learn~d to leavethem alone.

Attached to the front of eachobject was a plate engraved with theword DYWYK.

There was speculation, sensationaland scientific. 'A generally accepted

DYWYK

view was that the creatures had lefteggcases. If these hatched and the-'immature young grew to full size,many peopk thought they wouldattempt to take over' Earth. Othersfelt peaceful coexistence would bepossible. Methods of destroying theobjects were tried. None' worked.Some men contended the copperysubstance was left_ behind. to poisonour atmosphere. Others -said, theThings had left a landmark for fu­ture expeditions; the small size ofthe dywyks - as everyone calledthem - and the. fact that they didnot glow at night made this unlikely.

The dywyks could of course begifts - a bread and butter presentfrom outer space which Earth did ....not know enough to utilize. Theymight be trash, though the obviouscare with which they were placedmade that lunlikely.

For a while a debate ·betweenthose who ~upported the eggcase,theory and those who championedthe trash theory crowded other ma­terial off the editorial page of theWashington Post. Men grew tense,even ugly, arguing that the heat wasa ·protective device to guard some­thing precious or that it was a purely

77

flcciden tal reac tion and one. thatwould destroy eggs if they werethere. Interest and even fear greW'to such proportions that Congressoffered a reward to anyon~ whocould explain the term DYWYK.

"Of course," said the dear littleold lady one day at a party where ­as at all parties of.. the time­brandy Alexanders 'were "the populardrink, "I could tell what DYWYKmeans. But that doesn't get· usanywhe.re~"

"Go on!" Everyone was agog."You 'see, they learned from me

and Mr. Stoe'kton our 'fondness forenigmas, and from the governmentour way of naming things. So, natu­rally, DYWYK."

"But what does it mean?" de­manded her eminent host.

"Don't you wish you knew?" sheasked gently.

"Don't I.just!" And then sud­denly, with the clarity of the fifthbrandy Alexander, he exclaimed,"DYWYK! Don't You Wish YouKnew ... in governmentese!"

"Of course," .the dear little oldlady nodded. "But then," sheshrugged, "that isn't -any real an­swer, is it?"

With that same detailedly persuasive convicti()n that marked his study· ofThe Rats (F&SF, Decemher, 19J1), The Fly (F&SF, Septem!Jer, 19J2),The Ruum(F&SF, Octoher, 19J3) and The Grom (F&SF, November,1954), Arthur Porges now examines the strange life-cycle of a being whoseextraordinar"j intelligence affords it no protection 'against a w~rld in which

I life or death is harshly determined hy the merest happenstance.

~y a Flukehy ARTHyR PORGES

IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE VERY INTELLI- easily solved a number of their mostge~t and yet completely helpless - difficult problems in pure mathe­- at .the .mercy of a capricious matics. 'But without experimentalenvironment. science, our philosophy is sterile;

For countless generations·mY short- and even our mathematics lackslived race. has ·contemplated with virility for being out of contactjustifiable bitterness the dominance with the laboratory. The brute factsof a' species - they call themselves of nature are needed to leaven ourhumans - essentially our mental in- metaphysical bread.feriors, but blessed with a large It may be futile - in fact, it al-.life-span and superb. appendages for most certainly is, for me to squanderthe manipulation of matter ;and these last few, hours of my all·too­energy in a variety of forms. brief existence in reciting the auto-

Because of th~se two priceless biography of-one individual of myattributes, long life/~nd toolholding people; but for the first time we arefingers, they rule the earth, while aware, my fellows and I, of a beingwe ·can only tune in on a few of their able to record this account. We have·thoughts - many wholly irrational reason to believe that his instru­- and fight our joyless, never-end- ments are even now receiving anding battle for individu,al survival. preserving my ordered thoughts.

In the fields of mathematics and I spoke of'an "account," and yet,phil~sophy we far. surpass these in fairness, I will admif that it islords of cre~tion, I, myself, after more ofa pro~est - a protest,. point­only a fifth of my life had passed, less, of course, since nothing can be

78

BY A FLUKE

done, against a worldt. an evolu­tionary process, and a fate we findintolerable. Such "a protes~ cannotchange anything, but we are suffi­ciently like the human gods to feelsomehow better for it, regardless.

'But time is passing all too quickly;I must begin with a personal, yettypical, history. I hope and believethat the being, apparently from someother workl~ is recording it, Onehates to cry aloud to mere emptiness.

My first recollection is that of thedimmest sort of consciousness,wherein I was not yet able to. receivethe thoughts of my people. It wasa kind of suspended animation,which I now know to have been theegg-stage of my life. I seem to re­member a rolling, tumbling passagedown a twisting tube,. through gur­gling brownish liquid. That was, ofcourse, a bile duct. Many of my ownkind have I sent by that path inweeks past.

I have reason to believe that Ileft my egg rather quickly"; that is aphysiological feeling however, andnot of great evidential ·value. Al­though we adu.lts can receive theyoung ones' thoughts soon afterthey h~tch, there is p.o way toestimate, except very approximately,how long they have had to remainin the egg. My own real awarenessbegan when I hatched .as a rQughlycone-shaped, multicellular, and cili­ated mite, a mere blob of livingmatter.

I was one. of the lucky' few, bornin water. Had I hatched in a dry

7'place, as did so many of my con­tempor~ries, I shou~d not be alivenow.

You may wonder how I can knowof any events outside my ownlimited experience. That is thetragedy of the· situation: this facilityof ours for exchanging thoughtsand information. The heritage ofthe race is readily transmitted toeach individual who survives longenough to absorb it. And yet, beingwithout appendages or motility, wecannot implement this knowledge.Nor can we contact the dominantlife-form, which m(ght - one can­not be very sure -" be willing to aidus. We can listen to many of theirthoughts, when the range is notexcessive, but they are apparentlyunable to teceive ours. Much ofour mathematical information hasbeen acquired in this way. Our~onception of their physical world,however, is vague 'and distorted.I have often wondered jus~ whatentities ---- chemical, electrical, -andbiological- their mathematics re~

.ally involves. I can never know. Al­though I solve easily all varietiesof diff~rential equations, i~cluding

. some that have baffled. the humanexperts, it is, for me, a purelyformal process,and for that- reasonless intriguing than problem~ inthe theory of numbers, whiEh mo~t

of us prefer. In the latter field, themathematics is all: no practical re­lation is implied. With appliedanalysis, one works in a vacuQrn.For e~ample, I have solved the

80 FANTASY AND SCIENCE·FICTION

problem of n bodies moving in a it would "be wasted energy to assaultgravitational field, but have no real it there. It was mindless, a merefeeling for the result. brute. Men call it a snail, and give'

But I must not digress longer. it a mouth-filling. name: LymneaAU that I meant to emphasize is columella."that {rom the moment I hatched, I was one of the fortunate few. Ithe helpful thoughts of my elders found my snail, a colossus gratingflooded my consciousness. I knew huge masses of vegetation with ainstinctivdy what I must do, but toothed ribbon of a tongue. I wasthe advice I received made the task lucky in another way. (It is quiteeasier; and above all it alle'viated the absurd, I realize, to keep repeatingterri1?le sensation of facing unique, the phrase. It i~ axiomatic amongunknown problems. One was briefed my kin4. Only the lucky minorityin advance, an enormous adva~tage. survives; to be alive long enough

There I was, a tiny blob of almost to have thoughts is to be lucky bynaked life, awakening in a strange ~ definition.) My particular snail heldmedium, the liquid humans, call \ only a few of my fellows. Even as 'Iwater, and feeling within'me a burn- prepared to force an entrance, Iing ~rgency,.. a need for rapid ful- 'heard the anguished "thoughts offilment, with death ticking off the forty-three of my contemporaries,precious seconds. 1 knew I had to who had all unhappily converged onfind a certain organism, one that another snail, which was alreadywas not too common, and further a well-tenanted. The elders warnedcreature being hunted by hundreds them, but with the same weatyof -my brothers.. And my' time was under.tone. If you all penetrate, thelimited. Eig'ht hours;-- my advisors host will die, and you will perishtold. me. Find It in eight hour~ or with it. Swim away, all who have a"you die. Swim, little one! Swim little time, and search for another.hard! But there was a kind of weari- snail.ness behind their promptings. They They.advised in vain. The instinctknew how many of us must perish. for survival cannot be checked by

I swam, scarcely knowing what I intelligence. No one ,would. with­sOught; and as I whipped my cilia draw, nor could one blame them.through th~ murky fluid, my men- As so often happens, they' weretors repeated constantly a descrip- caught in the time-trap. Each criedtion of the animal I needed in order that his few hours were up; thatto live. It w~s a "monster compar~d there was no other·snail near" enough.to me, so big that I might easily Each apparently hoped· the eldersfail to perceive it at all except for were wrong; that somehow the hosttheir promptings~-This giant was wou~d live through the mass in..clad in armor, which I m~st avoid; vasion of its vitals. Or maybe they

BY·A.FLUKE 81

knew themselves to be doomed and secure; even if only ane of thesewere determined not to let any of sub-multiples were to survive thetheir fellows survive. Our life pat- perils ahead, it meant that I sur-:tern does not ma,ke for altruism; 'vived. There was no exchange ofone regrets it, intellectually, but thoughts among us; we were one,fully comprehends the feelings of 'and needed no communication.the individual marked for death and This odd state did not last long,unwilling to meet it in place of hi~ however. Almost before .I realizedbrothers. I heard their last resentful it, I. and my co-descendants werethoughts as the s'nail died, becoming changing again. ~ach of us becamea poisonous. mass of carrion that de-,~ several smaller entities, but still en.stroyed my fellows. , rapport in every way... I myself be-

I crept over the brute's hard shell .came six, and shortly thereafter we,untill found soft tissues, and worked· all six of us, broke free of the shellmy way in.,It felt g~, almost like of my former body, now a dead'being safe in the egg again, with no thing, and made our way to a dif­pressing problems. I found a snug ferent part· of the snail. There wasspot in a lymph vessel. There were much bustle, with ~any others.others of my kind about, but I on the move. But to us, the snailhad enough room. There I settled was a world of nearly limitlessdown to meditate, learn, and await space, and we had not seriouslymy first change, which the elders harmed "it. My little groupl found ainformed me would be coming soon. pleas~nt place: On d~scribing it toIt was during this brief but un- the elders, 'they were able to identifytroubled period that I mastered it for us as the snail's liver'.many fields of philosophy and math- At this point in my career, myematics. individu~lity suddenly retur.qcd, and

After a few hours, my cilia began I no longer. felt as one with my dup­to drop off, one by one. They were, licates, who went about their own,of course~ no longer useful to me~ obviously similar, affairs. This wasand there was -no pain. I became also a brief state, although longlarger, saclike, and dreamy. But enough for me to solve a pumber ofmy .mind was clear, and I learned difficult ~athematical problemsquic_kly as the elders drowned my while dreamily sucking nourishingeager receptors with waves of racial fluid from the spongy mass I clung·information and counsel. to so tenaciously. In particular, I

Several more hours raced by, and, verified two famous conjectures ofI· began to change. I felt my per- human scholars: that of Goldbach,sonality multiplying, and'_became that every @.ven integer is the sum ofaware that I was now a collective two primes; and another of Riemannentity. This made me feel ve~y relating to comple~ variables.

82

I - had just finished the latterproblem, an exhausting exercise whendone mentally, by demonstratingto-my complete satisfaction that t~real part of a certain func'tion wasdefinitely one-half, as the man hadconjectured, when I found myselfdividing again. It is a feeling onehardly gets used to, especially in soshort a -life time, and seems ·to hap;pen with bewildering rapidity aswell as too often. By allowing my­self to beeome too absorbed in thelast problem, I had missed the usualadvance information provided by theelders, but instinct was enot}gh. f

In a short time I found myselfequip-perl' with a slender vibrile taila~d, handy suckers at both' ends.After a hasty consultation with ,theelders, I wasted no more valuablemoments' experimenting with thesenew organs, but burrowed, ratherregretfully, out of my cozy place

-.by ,the snail's liver, through thesoft body into the' chilly water.

My instinct, reinforced by astream of advice from ~those who hadgone before, urged me towards thebank of the little pond. It was atiresom<; and unpleasant swim; thetail was not as useful as my earliercilia; _and there were enemies inth~ water. I saw many of my fellowsswallowed up by huge, brainlessanimals, infinitely smaller than ourlate, host, but gigantic to us, andwell-armored. Humans call themwater-fleas. 'I .had several. narrowescapes myself, as they swim muchfaster than we do. .-

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION'

It was with a' feeling of profound,relief that I came to a giant, wavinggreen spear of vegetation on _thevery edge of the water. The elderscheered me on, saying it was agrass­blade, and just what I needed. Istruggled wearily almost to the top.

,A't this stage my consultants be­came' rather apathetic about myfate, since now, for the first time,one's own effort meant ·nothing.Everything is a matter of chancefrom this point on, and there is akind of' anesthetic comfort in thatknowledge.

Once more, and quickly, I wastransformed, losing 'my tail andbecoming a multiple entity again,protected by a tough, weatherproofshell. This is one of the longer way­stations oJ our episodic cycle, and Ispent many fruitful days on mathe­matics. It was during this period thatI di'sproved a famous speculation:Fermat's Last Theorem, men callit, which states there are no non­trivial integral solutions of the equa­tion Xn + yn = Zn for n an integergreater than two. I found, oddlyenough, and without really expect­ing to, that there are exactly twoprime values of n between 2 4176 and2 4177 for which solutions exist. Whata pity that I can't pass this sur­prising fact along to the humanmathematicians, with whom, i~ spiteof their racial arrogance and mybitterness, I feel some kinship ofthe intellect.

Listening to the comments of myolder fellows, I knew what to hope

BY A FLU.KE

for. Another animal, a really titanicthing, was now necessary for mysurvival. But it had to seek me out;the're was absolutely nothing I coulddo; my motility was gone.

It was a matter of pure chancethat I did survive. I was one of thelast of my generati<?n to be saved.

One of the enormous beasts didcome by, gulped me down, and part­ing company with my sub-units,each of' which now became a sepa­rate personality, I burrowed throughthe cr~ature's stomach wall andworked my way to-its massive liver.Here on this dark bulk, in the flushof my maturity, with hundreds ofmy companions, I had a magnificentfood debauch which now, after al­most three months, is just coming toa close.

As both male and female I haveI20ured out eggs and sperm in asingle fecund stream for many weeks.Hundreds of my offspring are callingeven ·now from grass blades where'they await the toss of nature's coinwhich will decree life or death.

83

I have exchanged soaring thoughtswith my adult associates, rangingover many an abs.truse field of math­ematics and philosophy. What apity this must end! My hold on theshriveled organ is weakening; there·is no strength in my anterior suckingdisc. Soon I shall pass. This is fare­well to whoever is recording' mystory. If only we had more time, oruseful appendages, or even motility,but ... no ... I ...

The above is a record, clarified bythe inclusion of certain equivalentnames and phrases, of the autobio­graphical recitation of a strange littleorganism' found by Cobal Denotyon the third planet of the recently4...iscover~d system. A study of thewritings 'of the extinct race of bipedswhich lately dominated the planetindicates that they were-. completelyunaware of this creature's remarkablemental powers, and listed it merel), asa degenera~e flatworm, a parasite ofsheep: the liver fluke, Fasciola hepa"tica.

FOOTNOTE TO OZIt-has been pointed out to us that some readers. might miSInterpret

a passage in Martin Gardner's "The Royal Historian 'of Oz" (F&SF,January, 1955, p., 78) in which Mr. Gardner quotes ~ letter from theartist Ralph Fletcher Seymour describing L. Frank Baum in hisChicago days. ·Mr. Seymour wants it clearly understood that hewas recalling the impressions. of his youthful )nnocence and thathe did not wish to imply the. slightest denigration of Baum's moralcharacter. We offer our apologies to the Historian's son, FrankBaum, and to any others whom we may inadvertently have offended.

U Have 'you ever thought," Frit~ Leiber once asked, .. what a ghost of ourtimes would look like?" Leiber went on to produce one horrihle and con­vincing answer in his classic Smoke Ghost; but other answers are,possible,including one that is chilling enough in ~ts way, but also wryly comic.This new kin" of "ghost. of- our times',' y~u'll meet as ]. B. Priestleybiti~gly sketches a middle-class family and 'tells of the first _ghost ttJhoever haunted a television set.

Uncle Phil on TVby J. B. P R IE S T LEY:

UNCLE PHIL'S INSURANCE MONEY

came to a hundred and fifty pounds,so that'night the Grigsons had afamily 'conference about-it, in thebig front room 'above the shop.They Were' all there --- Mum. andDad, E·rnest, Una 'and George herhusban~ (Fleming was their name;'b\lt of course Una was a Grigson an<l,George' helped Dad' in the 'shop),and even Joyce and young Steve,who were usually off and out -andstayed out, as Mum said, till allhours. As -a matter o.f fact Mum,-who had let herself cool down andhad tidied her hair for once, lookedvery proud arid happy to see them alltogether like that, just as if it wasChristmas though it,was only Octo­ber and her feet weren't so bad asthey always were-at Ch~istmas. Itwas 'nice, even though Uncle Philhad been Mum's elder brother and

now he was dead and this hundredand fifty pounds was his insurance.

"It's mine by rights of course,"said Mum, referring to the money,"but I think':'- and so .does Dad ­it ought 'to be spent on somethingfor the famil~."

"Had' him to keep," said Daddarkly,. "and had. to put up withhim."

"1,'11 say," cried young Steve."You be quiet," said Mum. "I

won't say you hadn't to put up withhim, but he did pay his share -"

"Not lately he didn't," said Dad."Worked out all right at first, whenprices weren't so bad, but nQt-latelyit didn't. Not at twenty-three shil­lings a week.".

"That's r~ght," said Ernest, who'was a railway clerk and very steady,so steady that sometimes he hardlyseeme(I .alive· at all. "Some o(us had

.Copyright, 1953, by]. B. Priestley

84

UN<;LE PHIL ON TV

him to keep. I'm not saying weoughtn't to have. I'm just makingthe point, that's all."

"I wish somebody'd come to thepoint," c'ried Joyce', who of coursewanted to be 0"tJ" again. "If there isone."

"That'll do, you saucy monkey,"said Mum., who soon lost her temperwith Joyce. "Just remember this was

- Uncle Phil's money in. a way. Andnow he's Passed On." And·then shecould have bit her tongue off, sayinga silly thing like that. For now a·shadow settled over the familygathering.·\"·The doctor, an impatient andover-worked man, had been veryangry about Uncle Phil's passing on,which ought not to have happenedwhen it did. Uncle Phil had had avery" bad heart, and the doctor hadwarned Mum and Dad that thethings Uncle Phil'had to take, whenhe felt an attack coming on, had tobe within easy reach. But that Tues­day morning somebody had putUncle Phil's box of things up on themantelpiece, where he couldn't reachthem when his last fatal attack hadcome on. A lot of questions had been.asked, of course, but nobody couldremember putting it up there; andit had been all very awkward andeven downright nasty. It hadn'tbeen done on purpose, even the do.c­tor didQ't suggest that, but some­body in ,the family -had been verycareless. And there was no gettingaway from the fact that.· for variousgood reasons they were all glad, or at

85

least relieved, that Uncle Phil wasno longer with them. He hadn'tliked them any more than" they'dliked him. Even~ Mum had neverbeen r~ally fond of him. Dad hadtried to put up with him, you could­n't say more than that. And theyounger members of the family hadalways disliked and feared the sar­castic old man, with his l~ng sharpnose and sharper tongue, his slowmovements, his determined refusalto leave the fireside even when they.were entertaining friends and hated

. to have him there watching them.Before he had come to them, he hadworked for some Loan Company,nothing but moneylenders rea~ly, inBirmingham, and .perhaps this jobhad made him very hard and cyni­cal; you might say nasty-minded.Also, ·some accident he'd had madehim carry his head on one side, sothat he always looked as if he wastrying to see roun~ a corner;' andeven this, to say nothing of the restof him, got on their nerves. So natu­rally it was a relief to know thatnever again would they see him com­ing in to dinner, so deliberate andslqw, his head on one side, his longnose seeming to sniff at them 'andtheir doings" a harp old man allready to make some cutting remark.But at the same time it was awkwardbecause of tho~e things that were·upon the mantelpiece when they oughtto have been on the little table byhis chair. So while Mum was tellingherself what a daft donkey she'dbeen, everybody else was silent.

86

Then Mum for once was gladGeorge Fleming was -such a brassysort of chap. "Here, .we've had- thefuneral once, we don't want itagain," cried.:George. "He's gone,and that's that. -And I'm not goingto pretend I'm sorry. He never liked

'me and I never liked him. If _youask me, he looked like a pain in .theneck, and he was o~e -"-

"Every time, George," you.ggSteve shouted.

"I couldn't agree more," criedJoyce, who picked up a. lot of fancytalk at work even if she didn't pickup much money there.

"Let me finish," said George,frowning at the young Grigsons, forwhom he was more than a match."You've got this hundred and fiftyquid, Ma. And you don't know whatto do with it - right?W·ell, I got anidea; Something we could all enjoy."

This was more like it. Mum gave-him an encouraging- .smile. "Andwhat would that be, George?"

"Television set," replied George,looking round in triump·h.

Then everybody began talking atonce, but George, who didn't looklike a bull for nothing, managed toshout them down. "Now listen,listen! We've got TV here in Small­bridge at last, and comes over goodtoo. What more d'you wani? Givesyou 'everything. Sport for me anqDad and Steve. Plays and games anda~l that for you women. Dancing andfashion shows too. Varie.ty turns we'dall like. Serious stuff for Ernest. Ask

.your friends in. to e~joy it."

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

-That was what clinched it for

Mum, who liad several friends whocertainly wouldn't be able to afforda set of their own for some time;she saw herself bringing them inand telling then what was in store.So she made herself heard above thebabble that broke out again. "Whatwould a nice set cost, George?"

"You could get a beauty," repliedGeorge, who always knew the priceof everrthing, "for a hundred andtwenty quid. Saw one at Stock's theother day. Might get a bit of a dis­count from Alf Stocks too."

Dad and Ernest nodded a graveassent to this. Una, who wouldn'thave 'dared do anything else, sup­ported her husband. Joyce hinted.that a home with a good tel~vision

set.might be more popular with her­self and girl and boy frienqs. YoungSteve was all for it, of course, So itwas agreed that George should takeadvantage of the first slack half-hourin the shop the next day and go alongto Stocks's to bargain for the hun­dred-and-twenty-quid beauty. Thenthere was much excited gappy talkab.out TV programmes and whocould be asked in to see them and

, who couldn't; and clearly there wasa- general feeling, although eveI1George dared not openly express i.t,that fate had been kind in exchang­ing .Uncle Phil, whom nobodywanted, for this new wonder of theworld.

Two days later, before Dad andGeorge had come up from the shopand the others had returned from

UNCLE PHIL ON TV

work, the t"elevision set, with aerialand everything in order, was the~ein the front sitting-room, lookinga beauty indeed. Alf Stocks himselfshowed Mum and Una how to workit, and wouldn't leave until- he'dseen each of them turn it on and offproperly, which took some time be...cause Mum ·was flustered. As soon asAlf Stocks had gone, Mum and Unalooked at one another, and though itwas nearly time'to. be getting a mealready for Joyce and the men, theydecided to have a look· by them...selves for ten minutes or so. Unaturned it on, not having any troubleat all, and it began showing them afilm that looked like an oldish cow'"boy film, which wasn't exactly their

,style, still it was wonderful having itin the sit,ting-room like that. Thepeople were small and not alwayseasy to see and their voi~eswere loudenough for giants, which made it abit confusing; but they watched itfor quarter of' an hour, and thenMum said they'd have to be gettingthe meal ready or there'd be tr~uble.

Una wanted to keep it on, but Mumsaid that would be wasting it. Sothey turned it off, just after theSheriff had been getting some evi...dence about the rustlers fromOry'"wash Pete the Oldtimer'.

They didn't say' anything for a.minute or two, while Una was start...ing to lay the table and Mum began'doing the haddock. Then Mumpopped out of the kitchen, and'looked at Una as if she had some'"thing rather important to say but

87

didn't know how to start. And Unalooked at her too, not saying any'"thing either. Then,finally Mum.said:"Una, did you happen to notice thatother little man who was there­you know in that last bit we saw­with the Sheriff?" -

"What about him?" asked Una,who had now started cutting bread.

"Well, did you notice anything?""Seei~g that you're asking - I

did." But she went on cutting bread."What, then?""I thought, just for a sec," said

Una, sawing away at the loaf a'nd·sounding very calm', "he looked'justlike Uncle Phil. Is that what you:mean?"

"Yes it is," said Mum, "and itgave me quite a turn."

"Just a what's-it - coincidence,"said Una. "There - that ought todo."

"Plenty,'.' said Mum. "If's onlygetting stale if you cut too much.There's some of that sponge in thetin. I'll. get it. Yes, of course - asyou say - just a coincidence. Nearlymade me catch my breath, though.I wouldn't say anything to theothers, Una. They'd only laugh."

"George included: And then he'd.tell me he'd had quite enough aEUn'"cle Phil. So I won't say anything."Una waited a moment. "Who youhaving in tonight to look at itt'

"We'll settle that when they all.come i~~" ,replied Mum ratherproudly.

There ·was a bit of trouble, asMum guessed there would bet when

88 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

they all did come in. Joyce and sion show just for themselves: George,Steve, with some timid backing by who had had a technical sessionUna, were in favour of whf;it amounted with Alf Stocks in the shop, tookto a continuous performance by the charge of the set in his masterfulset. Dad and Ernest were dead way, s~ that Dad, who had a bit tooagainst this i~ea, which they thought much of Geo(ge at times, whisperedwasteful and silly. They wanted to to Mum that they ought not to havemake a sort of theatre of it, with let him buy the set for them,. be­everybody sitting in position ~ few cause now you'd think he owned it.minutes before the'.chosen programme However, there they all were, Dadwas ready to start, and then lights and Ernest :with their pipes going,.turned off and Qu'iet, please! and all Una and Joyce eating t.9ffee-de­that. George Fleming thought that luxe, and the set winking brightlywas going too far but he was against at them. There was some argumentthe continuous touch too. Oriething about how much light there oughtthey had to decide, he pointed out, to be in the room, and this was set­was how many people could· sit in .tled finally by'switching off the bowlcomfort and see the set properly. So lamps in the centre and leaving onhe and Steve went and worked it the standard on the other side. Thenout and after some argument agreed the television picture looked bright,that you could manage a dozen; that sharp and lovely~is, if you brought up the old settee The first· item, dullish for theas a sort of dress circle.. Meanwhile Grigsons, was about how men trainedan argument had broken out'~among for various sports. Mum and Unathe women about who ought to be were bored with it until near theinvited for this' first evening; until end,' when there was a scene of box­Dad, with some moral support from ers i~ a gymnasium. Not that theyErnest, put his foot down, as he said, cared about that of course, but theand declared that tonight it would point was that some men who weren'tbe family only. Ernest, who was in- boxers appeared in this scene, carry­clined to look on the dark 'side, said ing things about or just looking in,they'needed at least on~ evening of and among these men - just seenit to make sure the set worked prop- _in a flash, that's all- was a littleerly and didn't make them look elderly man .who carried his head tosilly. one side and seemed to have a long--

Mum had been disappointed at noSe. Steve, who was always quick,first but after they had washed up spotted him and sang out that a lit..and tidied, and Joyce, staying in for tie chap had just .&.one past whoonce, and· Steve had arranged the looked like old uncle Phil. Thechairs in front of the- set, she felt it others didn't notice or didn't botherwas nice and"cosy to_have, a televi- to say anything; but Mum and Una

'UNCLE' PHIL ON TV

ga...ve each other a look, and, as theysaid afterwards, felt quite peculiar,because, after all, this was the secondtime.

- . Well, next was a snooty lady t~lk­

irig about clo~!tes, with some modelshelping her, ~nd of course this was allright becau~e no men came into it atall. But the only one who liked itmuch was Joyce, who thought aboutn'othing-but clothes and boys.

Then - and this was when the!?other really started - there was asort of game, about telling whereyou were born, a very popular pro­gramme that had had a lot of write­ups in the papers. A lovely actresswas in it, as well as that man whowas always in these shows just be­cause at any minute he might bevery rude and have to· apologise af­terwards. But there was-also a sort ofj~ry, wlJ,o didn't do 'much but justsit there and see fair play. Ten ofthem altogether - four women andsix men; and you never saw them

.long, just a glimpse now and then,and it was specially hard to get agood look at the end man f~rthest

away.,'Which w~s a pity so far as theothers were'concerned, because thenthey might have understood at once.But Mum, beginning to shake, didn'tthink this time it was somebodywho looked like Uncle Phil, sheknew very ,well it was Uncle Phil.]n fact, she couldn't be certain' hehadn't given her one of his nastylooks.

"Una, just a minute," she saidshakily, as soon as the newsreel

89

started, and' off she 'went into theback room, trusting that Una wouldhave sense enough to follow her.The 'next minute tqey were staringat one another, out of sight a~d

sound of the others, and Mum knew'at once that Una was as worried asshe was.

"You saw him at the' end there,didn't you, Una?" she asked, aftergiving herself time to catch herbreath..__~ _

"Yes, and ~his time I thought itreally was him," said Una.

"I know it was. rll take my dyingoath it was." ,

"Oh - Mum - how could itbe?"

"Don't ask me how it could be,"cried Mum, nearly losing her tem­per. "How should I know? Butthere he was - yes, and I'm notsure he didn't -give me one of hislooks."

"Oh- dear I'" Una whispered, hereyes nearly out of her head. "I washoping you wouldn't say that, Mum.Because I thought he did too, thenI thought I must have been makingit up."

"Una, that's three times alrea9Y,"said Mum, not sharp now but almostready to cry. "I'm certain of it now.That was him in the ,film. That washim' in the hoxing. Don't tell me it'sa what's-it - iust accidental. He'sthere.'"

"Where?""Now don't~ start acting stupid"

Una. I How do. I know where? Butalready we've seen him three timc::s,

9°

and·if.I know him this is only hisfirst try. It '11 be a- lot worse soon,you'll see. It's just like him tryingto spoil our pleasure."

"Oh - Mum - how could he?Listen, I believe we were thinkingabout him'-"

"If wasn't thinking about 'him -""I expect you were and you

didn't know it," Una continued withsome determination. "Same withme. Then- we. think we see him-"

"I know I saw. him," cried Mum,exasperated. "How many times haveI to keep telling you?"

"You'll see - it'll wear off.""Wear off! You'll get no wearing

off fr~m him. I tell you, he's there,just to spite us, and he's stayingthere. You watch!"

While they were staring at oneanother, not knowing what to saynext, Steve popped his head in."Come on, you two. Bathing shownext. Boy - oh boy!" Then hevanished.

"You 'go, Una," said Mum, hervoice trembling. "It'lliook funny ifneither of us goes, and I can't facehim again tonight. I'm going tomake myself a cup of tea..Honestly,I'd give the show away if I went."

"Well," said Una, h~sitating, "Isuppo~e I ought. I can't see how hecould be th~re - and I believe it'sall OUf fancy. But if I did see himagain, I'd. scream - couldn't stopmysel[" And she 'went off ratherslowly to the front fOOm.

.Mum was just pouring out hertea when she heard the scream. The

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next moment Una came flying in,followed by her husband, wholooked annoyed. "Mum, ,he wasthere again."

,"What's the idea?'·' George de..manded, like a policeman.

"I'll tell him," cried Mum. "Yousit down and drink that tea, Unadear. Now .then, .G'earge Fleming,you needn't look at me like that.Just listen for once. Una's upsetbecause she must hav~ seen UnclePhil again. We'd seen him threetimes before~ and that must havebeen th~ fourth. He was there again;'wasn't· he, 'Una? Yes, well I'm notsurprised." She looked ~everely atG~orge, daring him to laugh. "Hewas there, wasn't he? Tell me thetruth now, George."

"Why should I lie?" said George,not even smil.ing. "I'll admit it'squite a coincidence. Twice I no"ticed a chap who looked very likeUncle Phil-"

"Four times I've seen him now,"cried Una, sitt~ng with her cup oftea. "Honestly I have, George."

"And you can't explain it, canyou?" And now George was smiling,as he looked from- one harassed-woman to the other.

"How can anybody explain it?"said M"llffi crossly. ~'He's there,that'saIl."

"Come off it, Ma," said George."'You'll be telling me next he'shaunting us. Couldn't be done. Let'shave a bit of common sense. I canexplain it." . .

"Dh - George - can you?" Una

UNCLE PHIL ON TV

was all relief, gratitude and devo­tion.

"Certainly." George waited a mo­ment, enjoying himself. Mum. cOl:I1dhave slapped him. "Look - theyhave to have a lot of chaps roundwhen· tl).ey' re doing these scenes­chaps with the cameras, lights andall that. Well,.it just 'happens thatone of 'em - who keeps gettinginto the pictu~e when he oughtn't-looks like Uncle Phil- head onone side _and so forth. And this. setreminds you ofUncle Phil-. boughtwith his money - so every· tipleyou see this chap you tell _yourselfit must be him, though of course itcouldn't be - stands to reason."

"That's it, George," cried Una.'''Must be. Mum - we were ju~st

being silly." "But Mum," who could be very

obstinate at times, wasn't so easilypersuaded. "I see what you mean,Geerge. But I don't know. I can't

~"beli~ve these television chaps areas old as that. And what about thatlook he gave me?"

"Oh ....:.- come off it," said George,losing his patience. "You imaginedthat. How could the chap take 'alook at you? He was just looking atthe camera, that's all. Now let'spac~ this up and go back and enjoyoursel~es. Come on - some varietyturns next. You don't want to spoilit for everybody, do you?"

This artful appeal was too strongeven for Mum's misgivings, andGeorge triumphantly escorted themto the front room. The variety sho\v

91­

was about to begin; already ~ band"was playing a lively tune. Mumfound herself looking" round withsatisfaction at the expectant facesof her family. This was more like it,what she'd hoped for from a tel~­

vision set.Three girls did a singing and

dancing turn, to start off with, andit wasn't bad. Ernest, who wassitting next to Mum, breathed hardat them, but whether. out of ap­proval or. disapproval, she didn'tknow. Since that dark fancy girl atthe confectioner's had given himup, Ernest had seemed to be offwomen, but, of course you couldnever tell, steady as he was. Nextturn was.a nice-looking young chapwho played an_accordion, and. Mumfelt secretly in agreement with Joyce ..who loudly declared· he was "sPlash­ing." He finished off with some niceold panto songs that they all beganto sing. Now at last Mum felt reallyhappy with the set. And of coursejust·.after that was when it had tohappen.

A conjurer appeared, a big comi­cal fellow who pretended to be verynervous~ George told them he wasthe top turn .·of the -show, verypopular. He did one silly trick andthen pretended to do another andmake a· mess of it, which madethem all laugh a lot. Then he ~idhe'd have to have somebody fromthe audience, though there wasn'tany audience to be seen. As soon ashe said that, as Mum 'told themaf~erwards, she suddenly felt nerv-

92

ous. And then there he was, givingthem a nasty sideways\ grin - UnclePhil.

"I won't have it," Mum screamed,jumping up. "T.urn it off, turn itoff." But before anyone could stopher, she had turned it off herself.As they gaped at her, she stood infront of the set and stared at themdefiantly.

"What's the matter with you?'.'cried Dad, looking at her as if she'dgone mad. And as the. others allbegan talking, he turned on them:"Now you be quiet. I'm askingMum a question. We can't all talkat once."

Joyce started giggling and Stevegave a loud guffaw, as boys of thatsilly age always do.

"Do you mean to say,_ Fred. Grig·son," said Mum, glaring at him,'·'that you haven't noticed him yet?Fiv.e times - counting the one Ididn't see but Una did -:- he's turnedup already, and this is only the firstnight we've had it. Five times!"

"What you talking about?" askedDad angrily. "Five times what?Who's turned up?"

"Uncle Phil," $aid Una quickly,and then burst into tears. "I've seenhim every time." And she wentstumbling out of the room, withGeorge,. who was a good husbandfor all his faults, hurrying after her.

Dad was flabbergasted. "What'sthe matter with her? I wish you'dtalk sense. What's this about UnclePhil?"

"Oh - don't be such a silly don...

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FiCTION

key," cried Mum. "He keeps com­ing into these television pictures.H~ven't you got any eyes?':

"Eyes? What's eyes got to d<;>'with it?" Dad shouted, thoroughlyannoyed now.- "I've got some sense,haven't I? Phil's dead and buried."

"I know he is," said 'Mum, nearlycrying. '~That's what makes it soawful. He"s doing it on purpose, justto spoil it fo·r us."

"Spoil it for us?" Dad thundered·."You'll have me out of my mind ina minute. Here, Ernest, did you seeanybody that looked like UnclePhil?"

Later, round the supper table,they sorted it out. Una and Mumwere certain they had seen UnclePhil himself five and four timesrespectively. George ,said he hadseen a cameri man, or somebodywho looked like Uncle Phil, threetimes. After m~ddening delibera­tion, Ernest agreed with George.Joyce said she had twice seen some'"body who looked the spit i~age ofUncle Phil. Steve kept changinghis mind, sometimes agreeing withhis mother and Una, sometimesjoining the Coincidence School. badfrom first to last maintained that hehad seen· nobody that even remindedhim of Uncle Phil and that every'"body else had Uncle Phil on thebrain.

"Now you just listen to me, Dad,"said Mum finally. "I know what Isaw and so does Una. And never·mind about any coincidences. Theywouldn't ma_ke me jump every time

UNCLE PHIL ON TV

like that. Besides I know that lookof his, couldn't miss it." "

"How on earth -" Dad beg-an,but she wouldn't let him go 00.

"Never mind about how on earth,"Mum shouted. "Because I don'tknow and you don't know andnobody. does. What I'm telling youis tha~ he's got into that set some­how and there'll be no getting himout. It'll get worse and worse, youmark my words. And if. we've anysense we'll ask Alf Stocks to takethat set away and give us our moneyback."

This roused George, who madehimself heard abOve the others. "Oh- come off it, Ma. Alf Stocks wouldnever stop laughing if we told himhe'd have to take that set backbecause Uncle Phil's haunt~ng it.Now~ be reasonable. You and Unagot excited and started imaginingthings. Everything'll be okay to­morrow night, you'll see."

"Oh - will it? That's what yousay."

"Of course it's what I say. It's'\vhat we all say."""Have it your own way," said

Mum darkly. "Just keep on with it.But don't say I didn't' warn you.He's there - and he's staying there- and if you ask me, this is onlythe start of it.·He'll·get worse beforehe gets better. Wherever he is, he'smade up his mind we shan't enjoya television set .bought with hisinsurance money. You'll see."

In the middle of the followingafternoon, when Mum and Una had

93

the place to themselves and usuallyenjoyed a quiet se~sible time to­gether, they were both restless. Theyha~ gone into the front room, tosit near the windows .and keep aneye on the street below, but it wasobvious that they would never settledown. There in its corner was theTV set with its screen that lookedlike an enormous bl~nd eye. Forsome minutes they prete~ded notto notice it. Finally, Una said: "Ilooked in the" Radio Times andthere'·s a programme for women:.this afternoon."

"I know," said Mum rathergrimly. "I looked too."

"We'd be, all right with that,surely? In any case -" .

"In any case - what?" Mum stillsounded rather grim.

"Well~" said Una timidly, "don'tyou think we might have gOt a bi~

worked up last night - and -im­agined things?"

"No, I don't," said M.urn. Then,after. a moment: "Still, if you wantto turn it on - turn it on. If it'sa women's programme - middle ofthe afternoon too - perhaps hewon't show U:p. He used always to'have a sleep in the afternoon."

"But -listen, Mum. As Georgesays -"

"Never 'mind what George says.George doesn't know it all eventhough. you'd sometimes think hedoes. But 'go on - turn it on, ifyou want ,to."

Una walked across and rathergingerly manipulated ·-the switches.

94

With art. absent--minded air, Mumarrived in front of the ·set and satdown in a chair facing it. The nextminute they were looking at andlistening. to the matron of a girls f

hostel, a woman so determinedlyr7fined that sh·e ~ounded quite for­eIgn.

"You see, it's all right," said Una,when the matron had been followedby ~wo girls playing the violin and·plano.

"So fa.r," said Mum, "but ,givehim time. Sti11- this is very nice,I must say."

After the music a man came onto talk about buried treasure. He­was ayoungish chap, schoolmastertype, very nervous and sweating­som~thing terrible. "You'd be sur­prised at what some of us havefound," he ·told them. "And nowI want to show you a few things~genuine treasure trove." He beck­oned anxiously to somebody off thescreen, saying: "If you don't mind- thank you so much."

It was Uncle Phil who walked on,carrying some of the things, and assoon as he was plainly in view heturned that twisted neck of his,looked straight out at Mum andUna, and said: "Talk about treasure!You Grigsons have.n't done so ,badwith that hundred--and...fifty quidof mine."

"·You see - talking to us .now,"screamed Mum as she dashed for...ward. "But I'll turn him off." Andas she did, she ad.ded firmly: "Andthat's the last time he does tha:t to

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

me. I'll not givt him another chance._God knows what he'll be sayingsoon I" She pointed aIr accusing fin­ger at Una, who was still tremblingin her chair, and went on: "I sup­pose we're still a bit worked up andjust imagined that. Now, Una­you saw him, you heard him­didn't you? Right, then. No goingback on it this time."

And Mum marched out and madefor the kitchen, where she clatteredand banged until it was time fora cup of tea. Steve, who· worked inan auctioneer~s office and kept oddhours there, was the first home thatday, and without saying a word tohis mother and sister he hurriedstraight through into the front room,obviously making for the televisionset. The two women, who were in.the back room, preparing 'the eve­ning meal, said nothing to him. This,as Una guessed at once, was Mum'snew line; no more protesting, nomore trying to convince t~e others;just a grim dark silence, waiting. forthe final din and flare of "I toldyou so." As they laid the table,they could hear voices from the setbut no actual words. Five minutes,ten minutes, passed.

/Then abruptly the voices from thefront room sto.pped. There was asil~nce that lasted perhaps half aminute, and then Steve, lookingquite peculiar,. came slowly into theback room. He tried to avoid meet­ing the questioning stares of~the twowomen. He sat down and looked atthe dining... table. "Nearly ready?"

UNCLE PHIL ON TV

he enquired, in a small choked voic::e.- "No it isn't nearly ready," saidMum. "You're very early today.Why did you switch that set off likethat?"

"Oh - well," said Steve, wrig­gling, "didn't "seem much point inbothering with a dreary old flick.~'

"This wretched performancehadn't a chance even with Una, andof course Mum could read him as ifhe were a theatre poster. "Stop thatsilly nonsense," said Mu:m. "Yousaw him, didn't you?"

"Saw who?""You know very well who­

-your Uncle Phil. Didn't you?""Well, yes, I thought I did,"

said Steve carefully:"'Thought you did! You saw him

nearly as plain as you can see me,didn't you?" -

"No - but I did .see him." Stevewas clearly embarrassed.

'~Did he say anything - I mean,to you?"

"Now, Mum, how could he -""Stop that," shouted Mum. "I'm

having n(J more of that nonsense.And' just you tell your mother thehonest truth,. Steve. Now ~"did hesay anything to you? And if so­what?"

The youth swayed from side toside and looked utterly miserable."He said I took two shillings ofho "IS".

The women gasped. "Now isn'tthat just like him'?" cried Mum."And you never took two shillingsof his, did you?"

95

"Yes, I did," Steve bellowed un­happily, and then charged out, sothat he seemed to be poundingdown the stairs befor~ they hadtime to raise any protest. '

"Just what I thought," said Mumbefore going into her" terrible grimsilence again. "It'll get worse, likeI said."

Sometimes it was nice when themen came up from the shop likeboys ou t of school, hearty and.bois­terous; and then at other times itwas~'t. This was one of the othertimes. And unfortunately they haddecided that the idea of Uncle Phil

.appearing on television programmeswas Humorous Topic Number One,and roared round the place makingbad jokes about it. With her lipsalmost· folded away, Mum heardthem in the grimmest of silences.Una "caught George's eye 'once ortwice, but there was no stoppinghim. How, much was the B.B.C.paying Uncle "Phil? Had he got hisUnion car~ yet? Would they-' bestarring him in a show soon? Andcouldn't Ma take a joke these days?

"We_ haven't all got the saPlesense of humour, George Fleming,"she told him. "And now I'm goingout. I promised to go and see Mrs.:rringle." .

Una looked dubious. It was thefirst she had heard of any visit toMrs. Pringle, and Mum liked todiscuss her social engagements' wellin advance. "Shall I come too?"she asked nerv~usly.

"No reason why you shouldn't,

96

Una dear," Mum replied .grandly."We can leave these men to have anice evening of television. And Ihope they enjoy it." And off shewent, with Una trailing behind.

A little later, when he haCl hispipe going, Dad said to Geo~ge:

"Well, that's how they are, andalways will be, I expect~ Moody.One day they're aU for a televisionset, must have it. Next. day, justbecause of some silly nonsense, won'tlook at it.. Hello!" - this was toJoyce, who came hurrying in­"where've you been, girl?"

"Where d 'you think?" criedJoyce. "Working. No, I don't wantallYthing to eat. I'll have .some­t1:ling in the Empire caffy. We'regoing there."

"What's the use. of spending allthis money on a television set," Dadshouted as -she ran upstairs, "ifyou're going to w~ste more moneyat tq.e Empire?"

She stopped long enough to shoutdown : "You've not talked to Steve,have~you?"

"No, haven't seen him yet.""Well, I have,." she cried tri­

umphantly. And that was the lastof her.- Dad and George did not ·wait forErnest, for they knew he would helate, this being his night for attend­ing his Spanish class. (Nobody knewwhy he was. learning Spanish; per­haps it helped to keep him steady.)So after clearing the. table and doinga bit of slapdash washing up (just toshow Mum), they moved luxuri-

FANTASY AND SCIENCE·PtCTION

ously, in a cloud of tobacco smoke,,into the front room. They were, asthey knew, just in time for .Tele­vision Sports Magazine, a sensibleprogramme they could enjoy allthe better for not having a pack ofimpatient bored 'women with them.

The first chap to be interviewedfor this Sports Magazine was a racing·cyclist, who could pedal· like madbut was no great. shakes- at beinginterviewed, being. a melancholyyouth apparently suffering from

.adenoids. However, Dad and Georgehad a good laugh at him. legs andall.

"And now for a chat with atypical old sportsman," said theSporting II!terviewer, all cast-irongeniality, "the sort of man who'sbeen watching cricket and footballmatches and 'other sporting eventsfor the last sixty years or so. WeI..come to Television, Mr. Porritt!"

Mr. Porritt, who came strolling'­into the picture, was 'small, old,bent. He carried his head to' oneside. He had a long and ratherfrayed nose, and an evil little eye.And without any shadow of doubthe was Uncle Phil.

"No," cried Dad, '''it can't be.""Let's hear what he says," cried

George. "Then we'll know forcertain."

'~Now, Mr. Porritt, you~ve beenwatching sport for a good longtime, haven't you?" said the Inter...viewer.

"That's right," said Uncle Phil,grinning 'and giving Dad and George

UNCLE PHIL ON TV

i a .wicked <look. "Saw a lot 0' sport,I did, right up to the time when Ihad the bad luck to go and live' atSmallbridge, 'with a family by thename of Grigson. That finished mefor sport - and for nearly every­thing else.". "How d'you mean?" ~houted

Dad, jumping .up."Shop-keeping people," Uncle

Phil continued, "in a petty littleway - frightened 0' spending ashilling or two -"

"No, don't turn him off,'.' shoutedGeorge, almost going iJ)to a wrestlingmatch with his father-in-law. "Let'shear what h.e has to say."

"If you think I'm going to sit-here listening to slurs and insults,"Dad bellowed. "Take your handsoff m·e."

"Listen-listen -look-look!"And George succeeded in /holdingDad and keeping him quiet for afew moments.

"Y~s, indeed," Mr. Porritt wassaying, in rather a haw-haw voice,­"the first Test match I ever at­tended - dear me - this is goingback a long time -"

"It's not him now," Dad gasped."Quite different." Which was true,for the Mr. Porritt they saw andheard now was not at all like UnclePhil. After a moment or two, Dadsaid quietly: "Now, never Q1indTest matches, George. Turn it off.We've got to have a talk about~his."

Even though the screen was darkand silent, they both instinctively

97

'moved away from it and sat down.by the -fireplace. '''Now then,"George," Dad began, with greatsolemnity, "we've got to get' thisstra~ght. Now did you or did younot think that Mr. Porritt, whenhe first started, was Uncle Phil?"

"I was almost certain he was,"replied George, who had. lost· hisusual self-confidence. "Last night,I'll admit, I th9ught it was someB.B.C. chap who happened to looka bit like him -"

"Never mind about last night,"said Dad hurriedly. "And did you ordid you not hear him talk about us- very nasty of course -?"

"I did," said George, who beganto feel he was in a witness box.

"So did I," said Dad, and then,perhaps realising that this bald state­ment was something -of an anticli­max, he raised his voice:" "And itdon't make sense. ~uldn't happen.Here's a man who's dead and'buried -"

"I know, Dad, 1 know," criedGeorge hastily. "And I agree - itcouldn't happen -,-"

"Yes, but it is happening ~""Nofreally," said George, looking

very profound."How d'you mean - not really?"

cried Dad, nettled. "Saw and heardfor yourself, didn't you?"

"If you ask "me," said Georgeslowly and weightily, "it's like this.Uncle Phil's not in there, couldn'tpossibly be. He's on our minds, inour heads, so we just think he's there.And of course," he. continued,

98

bris~er now, "that's what was thematter ·with Una and" Mum. Theykept seeing him last night, like theysaid, and you can bet your boots theysaw an~ heard hini - or thoughtthey did - today, before we cameup frollfl the shop. And I'll tell youanother thing, Dad. Young Stevedashed out again, ,before we wereback, didn't ~e? And Joyce saidshe'd talked to him."

"You think they got mixed up init, do you?" \ '.

"Young Steve was, I'll bet- youanything. And 'whatever it was hesaw and hea'rd, it sent him out sharpand _upse~ Mum a~d Una - see?U

l:>ad re-lit his pipe but performedthis familiar operation rather shak..ily. His voice had a tremble in ittoo. "This is a nice thing to happento·decent respectable' people. Can'tamus~ themselves quietly with a TVset~ hundred"'and .. twenty"poundset'-,too - without seeing·a kind ofghost - who starts insulting 'em.Here, George, do you think all theother people. hear what he· says?"

"No, of course they don't. Theyjust hear Mr. Porritt."

"But it isn't Mr. Porritt all thetime."" "I know - but I mean, whoever

it ought to be. Don't you see," andGeorge leant forward and tappedDad on the knee, "we only imagin'ehe's there."

This annoyed Dad. "But whyshould I 'imagine he's there? I'll tellyou straight, G'eorge, I'd had morethan enough of Brother Phil when

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

he was alive, without any imagining.All I wanted tonight was a SportsMagazine - not any insults fromthat miserahIe o.ld sinner. I call thisdownright blue misery."

They were still arguing 'about it,without taking another look at theset, when Ernest ·came in. "Hello,"he said, "aren't we having any tele­vision tonight?"

"No," said Dad, and was about toexplain why when George gave hima sharp nudge.

"Just having 'an argument aboutsomething we heard on it earlier,"said George. "You turn it on wh~n-

ever you like, Ernest." .Ernest said he would as soon as he

had put on his slippers and old coat,which w~s something he 'alwaysmade a point of doing when he camehome in the· evening. And whileErnest was outside, George ex­plained to Dad why he had givenhim that nudge. "Let's see whatErnest'makes of it."

"I don't see Ernest imagininganything," said Dad. "If Ernest seesUncle Phil, then Uncle Phil's thereall right."

- "Now .then," said Ernes't, a fewminutes later, as he looked at theRadio Times, "- ah - yes - Cur'"

.rent Conference - a discussion pro-"gramme, I believe. That should beintere"sting - and we're just in timefor it." He sOunded like somebody,the ideal stooge, taking part in a dullprogramme.

When the set came to life, Georgeand Dad rather 'stealthily moved

UNCLf:- PHIL ON TV -

nearer. Ernest had planked himselfdead in "front of it, looking as if TVhad been invented specially for him.The screen showed them some chapssitting round a table, looking pleasedwith themselves. The room was im­mediately filled with the sound -oftheir voices, loud and blustering inargument. Thecamera moved aroundthe table"and sometimes went in fora close-up. These politicians and e'd­itors seemed to' be arguing about thepresent -state of the British People,about which they all apparentlyknew a great deal. A shuffling at'thedoor made Dad turn round, andthen he saw that Mum and Una hadreturned and were risking anotherpeep. They ignored ,him, so he pre­tended he hadn't seen them. Mean~while, the ,'experts on .the BritishPeople were all hard at it.

"And now, Dr. Harris,'~ cried theChairman, "you've a good deal. ofspecialised knowledge - and musthave been thinking hard --.:.-- so whathave- you to say?"

A new face appeared on the screen,and it belonged to a head that ,washeld on one side and had a long ~ose

and the same'old wicked look. Dr.Harris nothing! It was the best viewof Uncle Phil they' had had yet.

"What have I to say?"- Uncle P~il

snarled. "Zombies. Country's full 0'

zombies now. Can't call 'em any~

~hing else. Don't know whetherthey're alive or dead - and don'tcare. Zombies. And if you want anexample, just take Ernest Grigson ofSmallbridge -"

99

"Stop it," screamed Mum fromthe doorway: "He gets worse everytime."

George had the set switched off inthree and a half .seconds, probablya r~cord so far.

Ernest looked dazed. "I must havedropped off," he explained to themau, 'lbecause I seemed to see UnclePhil and thought he mentioned myname-"

'~And so.. he did, you pie-can,"-roar~9, Dad. Then hoe turned toGeorge: "I suppose you're going to~ay now we all imagined -:that to­gether. Urrr!"

"It's just his wicked devilment,"cried Mum,. coming in apd joiningthem now. "Is this his first go to­night?"

"Not likely, Ma," said, George,and explained what had happened tothe Sports Magazine.

"Personal slurs and insults every­time now," said 'Dad bitterly.

"But wait a minute," said Ernest,looking more· dazed than ever and ~

speaking very carefully. ','Even if hewas alive, they wouldn't have UnclePhil on ,that Current Conference pro­gramme. I'mean to say, they onlyhave -"

"Oh - for goodness sake, Er­nest!" cried Una. "What's the useof talking like that? I'il scream in aminute."

Mum looked severely at the men."Now, you'll perhaps believe mewhen I tell yo~ what happened wh~n

Una and me turned it ·on earlier­yes; a~d what happened to poor

100

Steve." And they had to listen to avery full account of Uncle Phil'searlier appearances. Just when it was"becoming unbearably complicated,it was sharply in terrupted.

A little procession of young peo­ple marched into t.he room. Stevehad a youth his owJ? age with him,and J'Oyce, looking pale bu t deter­mined, was accompanied by two\vatery-eyed spluttering girl friends'and a scared-looking boy friend.

"""e've beeQ, talking," said Joyce,"and I'm going to turn that set on,see for myself, and nobody's goingto stop me." Nobody did stop her.

They all looked and listened insile9ce. A rather dolled-up womanappearea on the. screen, and was say­

\ing: "Well; that's one point of view.And now for another. What do youthink, Inspector Ferguson?"

"Here we go," muttered George."~I'll b~t you a quid." .

There was a gasp from all the.Grigsons. This time Uncle Phil'shorrible sharp face filled the wholescreen, and his voice, when it

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

came, was louder than ever before."Take the case of an elderly man

with heart disease," said Uncle Phil."When an attack comes Qn, he hasto crush some pill thIngs in hismouth - or he's a goner. And sup­pose somebody - just it young nieceperhaps - deliberately puts thoselife-savers ou t of his reach - sowhen he has an attack he'll finishhimself trying to get to them - it'sa kind of murder ~"

"Not on purpose I didn't - youdirty lying old weasel I" Joycescreamed, and then threw the stoolat the screen.

Next morning, Alf Stocks wasthere~ shaking his head at Mum. "Nouse telling me it's brand-new andpriced at a hundred-and-twenty.Tube's done in, see - that's thetrouble. I'm taking a chance offeringyou twenty-five for it. Yes, I daresay it was an accident, but then someaccidents -" and then, as Mumsaid afterwards, he gave her a sharp,.sideways, old-fashioned look - "arevery expensive."

r

Winner in the Arthur C. Clarke Title Contest

In OUf July issue we published an Arthur C. Cl~rke story and offered a $200 prize'to the reader who sent in the most apt and effective' title for it. The response wasoverwhelming, and F &SF's' editorial staff had a difficult time choosing the winner.But after much consultation, the entry of Eleanor Nemovicher of New York Citywas selected as the best. Our $200 check and our congratulations have alreadygone to Eleanor Nemovicher - we would now like to offer Qur thanks to all youreaders who responde~ so well, and to wish each of you better luck next time.

1{ecommended 1{eadinghy ANTHONY BOUCHER

I AM WRITING THIS BOOK COLUMN

just after learning of t'he .suddendeath,. in San Francisco on July IS,of Joseph Henry Jackson, 'literaryeditor of the San Francisco Chron­icle, often described as "the greatestbookman west of the Mississippi"(and one may question the geograph­icallimitation), under whom almostas many reviewers (including me)have learned their craft as writershave their~ under John Campbell.

By now you'll have read elsewheremany tributes .to Mr. Jackson; butI'd -like to stress one aspect of hismind which was of particular im­portance to readers of this magazine.Jackson recognized always that book­publishing is not merely.a matter ofpotential best sellers or favorites ofthe New Critics. He knew thatmuch enduring and· important writ,,:ing appears -in the specialized andofte.n neglected fields; and he care-·fully surrounded himself with a staffof specialists who could seriouslyanalyze thqse specialty books toooftep indiscriminately dismissed bybook review sections. .-

Fact-crime (of which Jackson washimself a superb scholar), the detec­tive story, paperback originals, super­natural stories,. science fiction - all

received in the ('hronicle a criticalrecognItIon matched in few .otherperiodicals. In our own field in par­ticular, Jackson encouraged fea turereviews of fan,tasy-specialty booksfrom the earliest Arkham Housedays, ·and commissioned ~ regularmonthly column on science-fantasy(conducted originally by me, andtoday by the shrewdly discriminat­ing Don Fabun) almost ten yearsago, coinciding with the publicationof Groff Conklin's first anthology, agood three years befor~most tradepublishers and trade reviewers hqdso much as heard the term' extrq,po­lation.

American book-reviewing is thepoor~r for this untimely death (mayhe rest in peace); and you and I in

.particular, we with an interest out­side of the main. current of pu~lish­

ing, have suffered an immeasurableloss.

Two of the world's' most ceIe'"brated living philosophers are repre'"sented on current lists with fantasyfiction; and the contrast is acute.For writers outside' of the field,when they chance to venture withinits limits, 'are apt either to soar gailyover the heads of the day-in-day-ouf

101

102

pros, or to fall flat on their faces;and Qur two philosophers nicely ex'"emplify the two fates.

Lin Yutang's LOOKING BEYOND

(Prentice-Hall, $4.95*) is a novel ofthe year 2004 which is not so muchscience fiction as (despite its fre­quent denials) a Utopia - }he dis­tinction being essentially this: Sci­ence fiction (be it satirical, critical,even hopefully constructive) is abouta future society which, granted cer­tain -factors, might or even woulddevelop. A Utopia ,describes a societywhich should. develop . . . and thehell with imparting any plausibility-to its evolution. Mr. Lin's SouthP~cific i~le of Thainos (about as.probable as its neigh~r Bali Hai) isa sort of hedonist-humanist-Hellenicdemi-paradise, depicted in almost140,000 words devoid of story, ac­tion or characterization. This onemight easily overlook if ~he incessanttalk were rewardingly provocative;but though the author takes his dis­cussions seriously enough to providea three-page index to their topics (aunique addendum to a nov~l), heand his personages have surprisinglylittle to say.

The most complete contrast pos­sible is afforded' by Bertrand Rus­sell's NIGHTMARES OF EMINENT PER­

SONS (Simon & Schuster, ',$3.50*).For Lord Russell, as he demonstratedtwo years ago in SATAN IN THE SUB­

URBS, is one .of those superbly giftedBritish amateurs of fiction (like Car­roll, Tolkien, Haldane, Dunne)whom a professional can hardly hope

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

to ,rival- and he never looses asatiric barb without the most pene"trating knowledge of the locationand vulnerability of the bull's-eye.This volume (small for the price, butmost attractively designed, with il­lustrations by Charles W. Stewart)contains ten "nightmares," briefanddeft glimpses of the logical conse­quence~of certain modes of limitedthinking, arid two more fully de..veloped short novelets, each pro­jecting a satiric future evolved bythe science...fictional rather than theUtopic method. "I hold," writes thenarrator of one nightmare, "that theintellect must not be taken as aguide in life, but only as affordingpleasant argumentative games and'ways of annoying less agile oppo­nents." If you share this attitude, atle'ast for certain isportive moments,you aren't apt to find better gamesanywhere.

Readers of this department shouldknow by now that I tend to becomealmost inarticulate when faced withthe problem of reviewing Willy Ley.He is so much the best of popularexpounders of science, always enter­taining withQut ever abaridoningthe firmest scholarly standards, thatthe normal repertory of reviewers'superlatives seems inadequate. Mr.Ley is at his best in SALAMANDERS

AND OTHER. W~NDERS: STILL MO.RE

ADVENTURES OF A ROMANTIC NATU­

RALIST. (VikingJ $3.95*); ·muchthough I enjoy Ley on space travelor on the history of rQckets or onprimitive geography or on any other

RECO~~1ENDED READING

of his numerous specialties, this"romantic naturalist" 'vein has ai­\vays seemed tome his most app·eal­ing. Much of this latest collection of12 es~ys is purely factual, startingwith a brilliantly divagatious-yet­cohesive piece which leads somehowfrom cave-salamanders straight intoRussian scientific politics; but someof the articles are speculative, al­most fantastic, including investiga­tions of the possible existence ofsuch legendary Things as the Abom­inable Snowman (probably yes, saysLey) and the Man-Eating Tree ofMadagascar (definitely no). Readthese essays (some of them inten­sively detailed expansions of Ley'scolumns in Galaxy) for educationalinformation on the odder aspects oflife on Sol III, or simply for delight­ful entertainment, wittily and charm­ingly presented. You can't go wrong.

Eric Burgess is °no Ley ~s far asreadability goes; but his FRONtiER

TO SPACE (Macmillan, $4.50*­and not to be confused with the

. Bleiler-Dikty anthology FRONTiERS

IN SPACE) is a valuable book forfactual reference - particularly forthe reaQer with an adequate techni­cal and mathematical background.Here Burgess has assembled thedefinitive collection to date of ma­terial on high-altitude research: com­plete data on all of the extraordinary'projects for study of the upper °at­mosphere and the borderland be­tween atmosphere and Space. AI-

1°3

most all of this is contemporary fact,far too little known to most readers(and writers); the one extrapolativesection works out the details of the­','deep:-space probe" - a provocativeconcept of beginning' our venturesinto space by establishing unmannedinstrument-satellites in permanentorbit around our planetary neigh­bors. {Does ~ similar notion

o

fromsome Burgess ~f other times andplaces account for those -un-moon­like moons, Deimos and Phobos?)

Other current non-fiction is sau­cerous. ~eorge Adamski's INSIDE

THE SPACE SHIPS (Abelard-Schu­mann, $3.50*) has its ready-madeaudience in the uncounted readersof Mr. Adamski's collaboration withDesmond Leslie, FLYING SAUCERS

HAVE LANDED; and these. devout,who agree with the author that "Hewho has the truth asks not for proof,for his inner feeling recognizes _thattruth which is in itself proof," willdoubtless not even notice the acuteinconsistencies between this bookand its pr~decessor. Trum~n Bethu­rwn's ABOARD A FLYING SAUCER

(DeVorss, $3*) is, oddly, a differentmatter. One is irresistibly convincedof Bethurum's sincerity and good\vill, if not of his factual data; andthis account of hb adventures withlovely space captain Aura Rhaneshas psychologica1 interest (not un­like that of Dr. Lindner's The, ]et­Propelled Couch) and a certain naivecharm.

* Books marked with an aSJerisk may be obtained through -F &SF's Readers' Book Service;see page 128. '

To reassureyou, J should state in advance that this British import (from thate'fer terse and delightful maga(ine Lilliput) does not involve ,cricket, that(to Americans) most mystifying. of all man's athletic endeavors. Instead itconcerns itself with such more readily comprehensible affairs as heavymatter, hyper-gravity, the lot of the scientist and the infallible luck of a re­cently retired Prime Minister.

erhe Cricket ~all

by AVRO MANHATTAN

THE FERROUS"LIQUID SUBSTANCE are composed is unusually heavy. Incrashed to the ground with a heavy Van Maanen, for instance, a starthud, concentrated itself into the where matter is 300,000 times theshap~ of a ball, rolled slowly out of density of water, a pinhead wouldthe shed, reached the middle of the shoot through your hand like aroad, then stopped. Its path across bullet."the reinforced concrete was marked "I see," said P. C. Jelks. He seemedby a deep furrow, as though it had to be about to exa~ine his hand,rolled through clay. as though thi~ might clarify the situ.-

Professor Lay looked at his watch.' ation. "You know best, sir, I'm3:33 P.M. His experiment had suc.. sure," 'he said. "Better get it backceeded. He had created a substance into your workshop. We don't wantof unknown specific gravity which to hold up the traffic." P. C. Jelksnow, by an unfortunate chance, was wished to have nothing more to dolying in the middle of the road. with the object .

."Here," said P. C. Jelks, "what's "I don't think I can," the Profes.-this?'" sor. said.-He bent down and tried to" The Professor and the policeman pick up the ball. It would not move.looked at the Qall. "It's gone and "Is it stuck?" P. C. Jelks asked.ploughed up the road," said Jelks. He He raised his large boot and kickedlooked uneasy. "What is it?" the ball, then staggered back, clutch...

"In certain stars," the Professor ing his foot. The ball had notsaid, "the atoms are squeezed in such moved.a way that the matter of which they Nobby Clark, from the garage,

Copyright held by AVTO Mannattan,· originally appeared in Lilliput Magazine

1°4

mE CRICKET BALL

pulled up in his van. "No footballhere, mate," he told P..C. Jelks, anold enemy.

"It's stuck," Jelks said, too sur-prised to retaliate. .

Nobby got out of the van. Heshoved the ball with his foot. "What~s it?" he asked the Professor.

"An experiment," Professor Laysaid. "Have you any tools? I'd liketo get it back into my workshop."

Nobby produced a 7-lb. hammer.He swung ·it sideways at the ball,giving it all he'd got. The hammerhoun~ed back. Nobby gave a roar,dropped the hammer, and sucked his·fingers.

"That blow would have dislocatedat least 3oo-lbs.," Professor Lay said."Most interesting. The ball mustweigh more."

The local fire-engine swept roundthe corner, summoned by P. C. Jelks.The firemen looked at the ball. Asusual, their talent for improvisationcame to the rescue..They laid theloop of a wire hawser round theball,. and made the other end of thehawser fast to the fire-engine. Thedriver of the fire-engine started offslowly in first gear. The. hawsersnapped a minute later, making aconsiderable mess of the fire-engine.

A police car.drew up. Four police~men in flat caps jumped out. Soonaftenvards the road was cordonedoff, .and· a screen" of sacking waserected round the ball. The PrimeMinister was informed, and a guardedstatement given to the newspapers,to the effect that a mishap .in the

1°5

neighbourhOod of a War Office ex­perimental station had placed asmall area out of bounds to the gen­eral public. There was, however, nocause for alarm, as no radioactivematerials were involved.

The three War Office brass-hatsarrived in time for tea, which wasprovided by local representatives ofthe Women's Institute and served inthe screened-off space by P. C. Jelks.

"Professor Lay/' the .. Generalsaid; "we don't· like "this publicity.Most unbecoming."

"The ball rolled o.ut of my work­shop," the Professor explained."Some sudden, extra-gravitationalpull. I was unable to stop it."

"Get a tank crane," the Generalsnapped., It was some time before the cranecrew could get a satisfactory grip onthe object. They tried digging outthe concrete around it but as theydid so the ball seemed to sink furtherin. Eventually they modified a grabto grip the ball like a vice.

The crane's engine roared. Thehawsers hummed. The crane visiblyvibrated with the vast effort it wasmaking. The ball did no.t move.

"Give it full throttle, man!" theGeneral shouted. "It's Governmentproperty."

The grab broke. So did the craneboom. They had to send to Alder­shot for another crane to remove thefirst one. The General and the otherbrass-hats .returned to the Wa"r Of­fice, to write reports about faultyequipment now being provided for

106

Her Majesty's Forces by civilianconcerns which should c.ertainly bebrought under immediate militarydiscipline. .

Next mO,rning the national news­papers - their source of inspirationbeing Nobby Clark - had whippedthe nation into such-a state ofanxietyabout Profess~r. Lay's object thatcrowds gathered outside DowningStreet shortly after breakfast. Every":one present - men, women andchildren - were insistent that some­thing must be don~. There had evenbeen a cable from the AustralianPremier asking what steps were be­ing taken to prevent the ball fallingright through the centre of the earthand coming out the other side, pos­sibly wrecking the wicket so care­fully prepared for the Fourth Test.

The Prime Minister himself ap­peared several times on the steps ofNo. 10, giving the V-sign. As amethod of raising the ball, however,it seemed to be inadequate.

By lunch time there were evenmore dramatic developments. Theextremist wing of the Opposition, atthe same time as demanding the res­ignation of the Government: sug­gested that Britain's hydrogen bombshould be dropped on the offendingball, thus removing it and ~ pre­d<?minantly Tory constituency atthe same time.

The American Air Force, using jetbombers from Greenham Common,flew in the world's biggest cran'e insections - a 250 tonner. Krupps,oofEssen, 'phoned to say that in another

FAN.TASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

hour's time they would have "com­pleted a 500 ton crane.

After lunch the Prime Minister'left Downing Street by car to -ex­amine the problem on the spot. Hewas now seen to be giving the V-signwith a ping-pong ball held betweenthe fingers.

The site by now was a maze oftemporary railway lines, cranes, fire­"engines, troops, tradeS union repre­sentatives and, on the outskirts,grandstands erected by Butlin's Hol­iday Camps, Ltd. The. P.M. madehis way through to the inner screenswith difficulty.

"I'm sorry about this, sir," theProfessor said. "Somewhat unfore­se~n complications.'"

The P.M. grunted. He looked atthe ball, which by now had becomehighly polished by the various liftingdevices which had been clampedround it. He poked at it angrily,withhis walking stick. The ·ball jumpedout of the groove in which it lay,and' rolled gently down the camberof the road, to come. to rest in thegutter.

Professor Lay laughed. He lookedat his watc.h. 3:33'·P.M. "I should

\have thought of that," he said, '''Anunstable compound. Its molecularstructure deteriorates after~" helooked at his watch again - "twen­ty-four hours. I must see what I ...cando about it."

·He picked up the ball and put itin his pocket. "A scientist's, work isnever' done," he said. He went intohis workshop and shut the door.

At ahout the time this issue appears, Isaac Asimovwill he the Guest o/Honor(It the !3th World Science Fiction ConventionJ and with good cause: Now only

35, Asimov has..heen writing and selling science 'fiFtion for almost seventeenyears (and creating still-recognized classics as long ago as z94z). His range

. has heen unhelievahly wide, from hypergalactic epics rivaling E. E. Smtthin length and scope to the latest development - h,.ief vignettes as conciseand funny as those of Fredric Brown (which you'll he ,.eading in F&SF in

.... the near future). But out of all his range, wJich also in~ludes hoth lightverse· and weighty texthooks, I think he'll he most rememhered for two things:his formulation of the logical Laws of Rohotics in the celehrated pOiitronic­rohot series, and his highly successful attempts to fuse science fiction withthe fo·rmal detective story. Last January we hroughtyou The Singing Bell,the first of the detective adventures of Dr. Wendell U,.th.Here is a secondpuz~le for the plump· extraterrologist . . . and for you, as you a,.e chal­lenged hy the assurance that, thou[,h the crime could take place only in thespacefuture, every clue is fairly presentet! for" solution ·hy today's reader.

crhe cralking Stonehy ISAAC ASIMQV

THE ASTERf>ID BELT IS LARGE AND

its human occupancy small. LarryVernadsky, in the seventh month .ofhis year...long assignment to StationFive, won~ered with increasing fre'"quency if his salary could possiblycompensate for a nearly solitary con'"finement seventy'million miles fromEarth. He was a slight 'youth, whodid not bear the look of either aspationautical engineer or an aster-­oid man. He had blue eyes and but­ter...yellow hair .and an invincibleai~ of innocence that masked a quick

mind and an isolation..sharpenedbump of curiosity.

Both the- look of inn'ocence andthe bump of curiosity served himwell on board the Robert Q.

When the Robert Q.landed on theouter. platform of Station Five,Vernadsky was on board almost im­media~ely. There wa~ an eager de­light about him which, in a dog,would have .been accompanied by avibrating tail and a happy cacophonyof barks.

The fact that the captain of the~/

1°7

108 FANTASY :\ND SCIE~CE FICTIOS

Ro.bert Q. met his grins with a stern, "Sure." Vernadsky lugged his di­sour silence that sat heavily on his agnostic kit to, the engine room, fol­thick-featured face made no differ- lowed by ~he captain. He tested .cir­ence. As far as Vernadsky was con- cUlts, vacuum degree, force-fieldcerned the ship was yearned-for d.ensity with easy-going efficiency.company and was welcome. If was He could not help wonderingwelcome to any amount of the mil- about the captain. Despite his ownlions of gallons of ice or any of the dislike for his surroundings he re.al­tons of frozen food concentrates ized, dimly, that there were somestacked away in the_hallowed-out who found fascination in the vastasteroid that served as Station~ Five. emptiness and freedom of space.,YetVern;;ldsky was ready with any he guessed that a man like this cap­power-tool that might be necessary, tain was not an asteroid' miner forany replacement that might be re-· - the love of solitude alone.quired for any hyperatomic motor. He said, "Any special type of ore

Vernadsky was grinning all over you handle?'" "his boyish face as he filled out. the' The captain frowned and said,routine form, writing it out quickly "Chromium and manganese."for later conversion into computer "Tha~ so? - I'd· replace the Jen-notation for filing. He put down ,ner manifold, if I were you."ship's name and serial. number, en- "Is that what's causing the trou-gine number, field genera,tor num- bIe?"ber and so on, port of embarkation "No, it isn't. But it's a little beat­("asteroids, damned lot of them, up. You'd be risking another failuredon't know which was last" and within a million miles. As long asVernadsky simply wrote "Belt" you've got the ship in here-r-"which was the" usual abbreviation "All fight. Replace .it. B·ut findfor "asteroid belt"); port of destina- the stutte~, will you?"tion ("Earth"); reaSon for stopping "Doing my best, Captain."C'stuttering hyperatomic drive.") The captain's last remark was

"How many in your crew, Cap- harsh enough to abash even Vernad­tain?" asked Vernadsky, as-he looked_ sky". He"worked a while. ,in silence,over ship's papers. then got to his feet. "You've .got a

The Captain said, "Two'. - Now gamma-fogged semi-reflector. Everyhow about looking over the hyper- time 'the positron beam circle's roundatomics? We've got a shipment to to its position the drive flickers outmake. '.' His cheeks were' blue with for a second. Yolr'll have to replacedark stubble, 'his bearing that of a it." .hardened and life-long asteroid miner, "How long will it take?"yet his speech was that of an edu- "Several hours. Maybe twelve."cated, almost a cultured, man. "What? I'm- behind schedule-"

THE TALKING STONE

"Can't help it." Vernadsky re­mained cheerful. "There's only somuch I can d'o. The system has tobe flushed for three hours with he­lium before 'I can get inside. Andthen I have to calibrate the news-emi-reflector and that takes time.I could get it almost right ~n minutesbut that's only almost right. You'dbreak down, before you reach theorbit of Mars."

The captain glowered. "Go ahead.Get started."

Vernadsky caref\.dly maneuveredthe tank of helium on board theship. With ship's pseudo-grav gen­erators shut off, it weighed virtuallynothing, but it had its- full mass andinert.ia. That meant careful handlingif it 'were to make turns c9rrectly.The maneuvers were all the moredifficult since Vernadsky himselfwas without weight.

It was because his attention was'concentrated entirely on the cylin­der that he took a wrong turn in thecrowded quarters and found himselfmomentarily in 'a strange and dark-ened room. I

He had time for one startled spout'and then two men were upon him,hustling his .cylinder, closing thedoor behind him.

'He said nothing, while. .he hookedthe c,ylinder to the intake valve ofthe motor and listened to the sOft,soughing noise as the helium flushedthe interior, slowly washing absorbedradioactive gases into the all-accept­ing emptiness of space.

Then curi?sity overcame prudence

1°9

and he said', '~You've got a siliconyaboard ship, Captain. A big one."

The captain' turned to face Ver'"nads~y slowly. He said in a voic;from which all expression had been

.removed, "Is that right?""I saw it. How about a better

look?';' ."Why?"

. Vernadsky' grew imploring, "Oh,look, Captain, I've been on this rockover half a year. I've read every­thing I could get hold of on theasteroids, which means all sorts ofthings about the siliconies. AnQ I'venever seen even a little one. Have aheart."

"I believe there's a job here todo."

"Just helium-flushing for hours.There's nothing else to be done tillthat's over. How come you carry asilicony about, anyway, 'Captain?"

, "A pet. Some people like dogs. Ilike siliconies."

"Have you got it talking?"The captain flu.shed. "Why do you

ask?""Some of them have talked. Some

of them read minds, even.""What are you? An expert ·on

these damn things?"'''I 1ve been reading 'about them. I­

told you. CoPle on, Captain. Let'shave a look."

Vernadsky tried not to show thathe noticed that there was the cap­tain facing him and a crewman oneither side of him. Each of the threewas larger than he was, each weight..ier, each· (he felt sure) was armed.

llO

Vecoadsky said, "Well, what'swrong? I'm not going to steal thething. I j\lst want to see it."

It may hav~ been the unfinishedrepair job that kept. him alive atthat moment. Even more so, per­haps, it was his look of cheerful andalmost moronic innocence that stoodhim in good stead. ,

The captain said, "Well, then,come on." .

And Vernadsky followed, his agilemill:d working and his pulse defi~

nitely quickened.

Vernadsky stared with consider­able awe and just a little revulsionat the gray creature before him. Itwas quite true that he· had- never,seen a silicony, but he had seen tri­mensional photographs and read de­scriptions. Yet there is somethingin a real presence for which neitherwords nor photographs are ,substi-tutes. . -

Its skin was of an oily, smoothgrayness. Its motions were slow, asbecame a creature who burrowed instone and was more than half stoneitself. There was no writhing of mus­cle beneath that skin; instead itmoved in slabs as thin layers ,ofstone slid greasily over one another.

It had a general ovoid shape;rounded above, flattened below,with~two sets of appendages. Belowwere the "legs," set radially. Theytotaled six and ended in sharp flintyedges, reinforced' by metal deposits.T40se edges could cut through rock,breaking it into edible portions.

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FiCTIOl\t

On the creature's fla t' undersur­face, hidden 'from view unless' thesilicony were overturned, was theone ope'ning into its in terior.Shredded rocks entered thar inte­rior. Within, li~estoneand hydratedsilicates reacted to form the siliconesout of which the creature-'s tissues,were built. Excess silica re-emergedfrom the opening- as hard- whitepebbly excretions.

(How extraterrologists had puz"zle<;i over the .smooth pebbles that'lay scattered in small ,hollows withinthe rocky structure of the asteroidsuntil the siliconies were first discov­ered. And how they marveled at themanner in which the creatures madesilicones - those silicon-oiygen pol­yme~s 'Yith hydrocarbon side-chains- perform so many of the functionsthat proteins performed -iIi terres-trial life.) .

From the highest: point on thecreature's back came the remainingappendages, two inverse cones hot­lowed in opposing directions'and fit- .~ing snugly into -parallel recesse,srunning down' the" back, yet capableof lifting upward a short way. Whenthe silicony bur~owed through rock,the "ears" were retracted for stream­lining. When.it rested'in a hollowed­out cavern, they c9uld lift Jorbetterand more sensitive reception. Theirvague resemblance to a rabbit's earsmade the name of silicony; inevitable'.The more serious extraterrologists,who referred to such creatures ha­bi tuaUy as Silicotieus asteroidea,th,ought they. might have something

TH'E TALKING STONE

to do with the rudimentary tele­pathic powers the beasts possessed.A minority had other notions.

The 'silicony was flowing slowlyover an oil-smeared rock. Othersuch rocks lay scattered in one cor­ner of the room and represented,Vernadsky knew, the creature's foodsupply. Or at least, it was its tissuebuilding supply. For sheer energy',he had read, that alone would notdo.. Vernaclsky marveled. "It's a mon­

ster. It's more than a foot across."The captain grunted non-com­

mittally."Where did you get it?" as~ed

Vernadsky."One of the rocks.""Well, listen, two inches is about

.the biggest anyone's found. Youcould sell this to some museum oruniversity on Earth for a couple ofthousand dollars, maybe."

The captain shrugged. "Well,y.ou've seen it. Let's get ba~k to thehyperatomics."

His hard grip was on Vernadsky'selbow and he was turning away;when there was ~n interruption inthe form of a slow and· slurringvoice, a hollow and gritty one.

It was made by the carefully'modulated friction of r<;>ck againstrock and Vernadsky stared in nearhorror at the speaker.

It was the silicony, suddenly be­come a talking stone. It said, "Theman wonders if this thing can talk.'"

Vernadsky whispered, "For thelove of space. It does!"

III

"All right," said the captain, im­patiently. "You've seen it and heardit, too. Let's' go now." .

".And it reads minds," said Ver­nadsky.

The silicony said, "Mars rotates intwo four hours three seven and onehalfminutes. Jupiter's.de~sity is.onepoint two two. Uranus was discov­ered in the year one seven eight one.Plutois the planet which is most ~r.SQn is heaviest with a mass of twozero zero zero zero zero zero ~"

The captain pulled Vernadskyaway. Vernadsky, half ~alking back­ward, half stumbling, listened withfascination to' the fadiJ;lg bumble of.zeroes.

He said, "Where do~s it pick upall that stuff, Captain?"

"There's an old astronomy bookwe read "to him. Real old."

"From before space-travel was in­vented," said one of the crew mem­bers in disgust. "Ain't even a fillum.Regular print."

"Shut up," said. the captain.Vernadsky checked the outflow of

helium for gamma radiation and,eventually, it was time to end theflushing and work in the interior. Itwas a painstaking job, and Vernad­sky interrupted it only once forcoffee and a breather.

He said, with innocence beamingin his smile, "You know the way Ifigure it, Captain? That thing livesinside rock, inside .some asteroidall its life. Hundreds of years, maybe.It's a damn big thing, and ifs prob-.ably a lot smarter than the run-of-

112- FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

the-mill silicony. Now you pick itup and it finds out the universe isn't·cock. It finds out a trillion things itnever imagined. That's -why it's in­terested in astronomy. It's this newworld, all these new ideas it gets inthe book and in human minds, too.Don't you think that's. so?"

He wanted desperately to smokethe captain out, get something con­crete he could hang his deductions

.on to. For this reason he risked tell­ing w~at must be half the truth.(The lesser half, of course.) .

But the captain, leaning againsta wall with his arms folded, said only,"When will you be, through?"

I t was his last comment and Ver-,. nadsky was obliged· to rest content.The motor was adjusted finally toVernad~ky's satisfaction, and thecaptain paid the reasonable fee incash, accepted his receipt and left ina blaze of ship's hyper"energy.

Vernadsky watche~ it go with analmost unbearable excitement. Hemad:e- his way quickly to his sub­etheric sender.

"I've ,got ~to be right," he mut­tered to himself. "I've got to be."

Patrolman Hawkins found h~­self looking into those eyes and wasglad. Even though it was only Ver­

_nadsky, company was company. He__ gave him· the big hello and listened

luxuriously to the sound of a voicewithout worrying too strenuouslyconcerning ,the contents of "thespeech. -

Then suddenly amusement 'wasgone and- both ears were ..~n the joband he said, "Hold it. Ho -ld it.What are you talking about?"-

"Haven't you been listening, youdumb cop? I'm talking my heart outto you."

"Well deal it out in smaller pieces,­will you? What's this about a sil-_icony?"

"This guy's got one on board. Hecalls it a pet and fe~ds it greasyrocks."

"Huh? I swear, a miner on the­asteroid run would make a pet out ofa piece of cheese if.he could get it totalk back to him.~'

"Not just a silicony. Not one ofthese little inch jobs. It's over a footacross.. Don't you get it? Space,you'd think a guy would know some­thing about the asteroids, living out

-Patrolman Milt Hawkins received here."the call in the pri.v~cy of his- home- "All right. Suppose you tell m~."

'station on' Patrol Station Asteroid "-Look, greasy rocks build tissuesNo. 72. He was nursing a two..d~y but where does a silicony that-sizestubble, a can of iced beer, and a get its energy from?"film-viewer, and the settled melan- - "I couldn't tell you."choly on his ruddy, wide-cheeked "Directly from - Have you got,face was as much the product- of anyone around you right now?"loneliness as was the forced cheer- "Right now, no. I wish therefulness in Verna<!sky 's _eyes. ~ were~"

THE TALKING ·STONE

"You won't in a minute. Siliconies.get their energy by the- direct ab­sorption of gamma rays."

"Says who?""Says a guy called Wendell Urth.

He's a big-shot extraterrologist.What's more; he says that's what thesilicony's. ears are for." Vernadskyput his two forefingers to his templesand wiggled them. "Not telepathyat all. They de.tect gamma radiationat levels no human instrument candetect." ,

HOkay. Now what?" asked Hawk­ins. ~ut he was growing thoughtful.

".Now this. Vrth says there is~'t

enough gamma radiation on any as­t.eroid to support siliconies morethan an inch or two long. Notenough radioactivity,.- So here wehave one a foot long, a good fifteeninches."

"Well-""So it has to come from an aster"

oid just riddled with the stuff, lousywith ura~iu11i, solid with ,gammarays. An asteroid.with enough radio..activity to be warm to the. touchand off the regular orbit patterns sothat no one's come across it. Only'suppose some smart boy landed onthe asteroid .by happenstance andnoticed the warmth of the rocks andgot to thinking. This captain of theRobert Q. is no rock-hopping ig..noramus. He's a shrewd guy."

"Go on.""Suppose he blasts off chunks for

assay and comes across a .giant sil..icony, Now he k?zOws he's got themost uQbelievable strike in all .his" .

113

tory. And he doesn't need assays.·The silicony can lead him to, therich veins." .

; "Why should it?""Because it wants to learn about

the universe. Because it's spent athousand years, maybe, under rock,and it's just discovered the stars;It can read minds and it could learnto talk. It could make a deal. Listen,the captain would jump at it. tUra..nium mining is a state monopoly.Unlicensed miners 'aren't even al...lowed to carry counters. It's a per'"feet setup for the captain."

H·awkins said, "Maybe you'reright."

"No maybe at all. You shouldhave se~n them standing'around mewhile I watched the silicony, readyto jump me if I said one funny word.You should ~ave seen them drag meout after two minutes."

Hawkins brushed his unshaven'chin with his hand and made a:'men­tal estimate of the time it wouldtake him to shave. He said, "Bowlong can you keep the boy a~ yourstation?"

"Keep himl Space, .he'~ gone!""What! Then what the devil is all

this talk about? Why' did you lethim get away?

"Three guys," said Vernadsky,patiently, "each one bigger than Iam, each one armed, and each oneready to kill, 'I'll bet. What did youwant me to do?" ., "All right, - but what do we 'donow?"

"Come out arid pick them- up.

114

That's simple enough. I was fixingtheir s.emi-reflectors and l fixed itmy way. Their power will shut offcompletely within ten thousandmiles. And I installed a tracer in theJenner manifold." .~awkins goggled at Yernadsky's

grinning face. "'Holy Toledo~"

"And don't get anyone else in onthis. Just you, me, and the policecruiser. They'll have no energy andwe'll have a cannon or two. They'll.t,ell us where the uranium asteroidis. We 10cat~ it, then get in touchwith Patrol Headquarters. We willdeliver unto them, three, countthem, three, uranium smugglers, onegiant-size silicony like nobody onEarth ever saw, and· one, I repeat,one great big fat chunk of uraniumlike. nobody on Earth ever saw,.either. And you make a lieutenancyand I get promoted to a permanentEarth-side job. RightP"

Hawkins was dazed. "Right," heyelled. "I'll be right out there."

They were almost upon the shipbefore spotting it visually by theweak glinting .of reflected sunlight.

Hawkins said, "Didn't you leavethem enough power for ship's lightsPYou didn't throw off their emer­gency g~nerator, did 'youP"

Vernadsky shrugged. "They're'saving power, hoping they'll getpicked up. Right now, they're put-:ting everything they've got into asub-etheric call, I'll bet."

"If they are," said Hawkins, dry­ly, "I'm not picki~g it up."

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

"You're not?""Not a thing."The police cruiser spiraled closer.

Their quarry, its power off, was drift...ing through space. at a steady tenthousand miles an hour.

The cruiser matched it, speed forspeed, and drifted inward._A sick expression crossed Hawkins'

face. "Oh, no!""What's the matterP""The ship's been hit. A meteor.

Lord' knows there are enough ofthem in the asteroid belt."

All.. the verve washed out of Ver"nadsky's face and voice. "HitP' Arethey wreckedP"

"There) a hole in it the sifle ofabarn-door. Sorry, Vernadsky, butthis might not "look good."

V~rnadsky closed his eyes and swal­lowed hard. He knew what Hawkinsmeant. Vernadsky had .deliberatelymis-repaired a ship, a procedurewhich could be judged a felony. Andd~ath as a tesult of a ~elony, wasmurder. -

He said, "~Look, Hawkins, youknow why I did it."

"I know what you've told me andI'll testify to that if I have to. Butif .this ship wasn't smuggling ..."

He didn't finish the statement.Nor did he have to.

They entered the smashed ship infull space-suit cover.

The Robert Q. was a shambles, in­side and out. Without power, therewas no chance of raising the' feeblestscreen against the rock that hit

THE TALKING STONE

them or of detecting it in time or ofavoiding it if they had detected it.It had caved in the ship's hull asthough it were so much aluminumfoil. It had smashed the pilot room,evacuated the ship's air, and killedthe three men on board.

One of the crew had been slammedagainst the wall by the impact and~as so much-frozen meat. The cap­tain and the other crewman lay instiff attitudes, skins congested withfrozen blood-clots where the air,boiling out of the blood, had ·brokenthe vessels.

Vernadsky, who had never seenthis form of death in space, felt sick,but fought against vomiting messilyinside °his space-suit and succeeded.

"He said, "L~t's test the ore they'recarrying. It's got to be alive." It'sgot to be, he told himself. It's· gotto be.

The door to ~he hold had beenwarped· by the force of collision andthere was a gap half an inch widewhere it no longer met the frame.

Hawkins lifted" the counter heheld in his gauntleted hand and heldits mica'window to that gap.

. It chattered like ~ million ~ag­

pIes.Vernadsky said, with infinite re­

lief, "I told you so."His mis-repair .ofthe ship was now

only the ingenious and praiseworthyfulfillment of a citizen's "loyal dutyand the meteor collision thathadbrought death to- three men merely

"a regrettable accidOent.It took two blaster bolts to break

lIS

the twisted door loose and tons ofrock met thcrr flashlights.

Hawkins lifted- two chunks ofmoderate size and· dropped themgingerly into 9ne of the suit's pock­ets. "As exhibits," he said, "a"nd forassay."

"Don't keep them near the skintoo long," warned Vernadsky.

"The suit will protect me till I getit back to "ship. It's not pure ura~

nium, you know".""Pretty near, I'll bet." Every

inch of his cockiness was back.Hawkins looked about. "Well, this

tears-things. We'v~ stopped a smug­gling ring, maybe, or part of one.But what next?"

"The uranium asteroid - Dh...oh.:'

"Right. Where is it? The onlyones who know are dead.."

"Space!" An~ again Vernadsky'sspirits were dashed. Without the

'- asteroid itself, they had only threecorpses and a few tons of uraniU1Tl:ore. Good, but not spectacular. Itwould mean a ,citation, yes, but "hewasn't after a citation. He wantedpromotion to a ·permanent Earth­side job and that required some'"thing- --

He yelled, -"For the love of space,the" silicony! It can live in a vacuum.It lives'in a vacuum all the time andit knows where the asteroid is."

"Right!" said Hawkins, with in­stant enthusiasm. "Where is thething?·"

"Aft," cried \ ~ernadsky. "Thisway."

116

The silicony glinted in the light oftheir flashes. It moved and was alive.

Vernadsky's' heart' beat madlywith excitement. "We've got tomove it,. Hawkins':"

"Why?""Sound won~t carry in a vacuum,

for the love of space. We've got toget it into the cruiser."

"All right. All right.""We can't put a s:uit around it

with-a radio transmitter, you know.""I said all right."T~ey carried it _gingerly and

carefully, their metal..sheathed fin­gers handling the greasy surface afthe creature almost lovingly.

Hawkins held it while kicking offthe Robert Q.

It lay in the control room of the-cruiser now. The two men had re­moved their helmets and Hawkins'was shucking his suit. Vernadskycould not wait.

He said,· "You can read ourminds?" .

He held his breath until .finallythe gratings of rock surfaces moou­lated themselves into words.. ToVernadsky, no finer sound could, atthe moment, be imagined.

The silicony said, "Yes." Then, hesaid, "Emptiness all about. Noth­ing."

"What?" said Hawkins.Vernadsky shushed him. "The

trip through space just now, I guess.It must have impressed him."

He said to the silicony, shoutinghis words as though to make his

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

thoughts clearer, "The men whowere with you gathered uranium,special ore, radiations, energy." ,

"They wanted food," came theweak,· gritty sound.

.Of course! It \vas food to the sili­cony. It was an energy source. Ver­nadsky said, "You shqwed them'where they could get it?"

"Yes."Hawkins' said, "I can hardly hear

the thing.""There's something' wrong with

it," said Vernadsky worriedly. Heshouted again, "Are y'ou well?"

"Not well. Air gone at once.Something wrong..inside."

Vernadsky muttered, "The. sud­den decompression must have dam­aged it.. Oh, Lord. - Look, you.know what I ·want. Where is yourhome? The place with the food?"

The two men were silent, waiting.The silicony's ears lifted slowly,

very slowly, trembled and fell back."There," it said. "Over the~e."

"Where?" screamed Vernadsky."There."Hawkins said, "It's doing some­

thing. It's pointing in some way.""Sure, only we don't know in

what way.""Well, what do you expect it to

do? Give the coordinates?"Vernadsky said at once, "Why

not?" He turned again to the siliconyas it lay huddled on the floor. It wasmotionless now and there was adullness to its exterior that lookedominous.

Vernadsky said, "The captain

THE TALKING STONE

knew where your eating-place was.He had numbers concerning it,didn't he?" He prayed that the sili­cony would understand, that itwould read his "thoughts and notmerely listen to his words.

"Yes," said the silicony in a rock­against-rock sigh.

·"Three sets of numbers," saidVernadsky. There would have to bethree'. Three coordinates in spacewith dates attached~ giving threepositions of the asteroid in its orbit

--about the sun. From these data, theorbit could be calculated in full andits position determined at any time.Even planetary perturbations could'Jbe accounted for, roughly~

"Yes," said the silicony, lowerstill.

"What were they? What were thenumbers? - Write them down,Hawkins. Get paper."

But the silicony said, "Do notknow. Numbers not important. Eat­ing place there."

Hawkins said, "That's plainenough. It didn't need the coordi­nates, so it paid no attention tothem."

The silicony said, "Soon not --"a long pause, and then slowly, asthough testing a new and unfamiliarword, "alive. Soon -" an evenlonger pause "- dead. What afterdeath?" .

"Hang on," implore~ Vernadsky."Tell me, did the captain writedown these figures anywhere?"

The silicony did not answer for along minute and then, while both

II]

men bent so closely that their headsalmost touched over the dying stone,it said, "What after death?"

Vernadsky shouted, "One answer.Just one. The captain must navewritten down the numbers. Where?Where?"

-The silicony whispered, "On theasteroid. ,-'

And it never spoke again.It was a dead rock,' as dead as the

rock \yhich gave it birth, ·as dead asthe walls of the ship, as dead as adead human.

And Ve~nadsky and Hawkins rosef~om .their knees and stared hope­lessly at each other.

"It makes no sense," said Hawkins."Why should he write the coordi­nates on the asteroid. That's likelocking a key inside the cabinet it'smeant to open."

Vernadsky shook his head. "A.fortune in uranium. The" biggeststrike in history and we don't knowwhere it is."

PART 2

H. Seton Qavenport looked abouthim with an odd feeling of pleasure. J

Even in repose, there was usuallysomething hard about his lined facewith its prominent nose. The scar onhis right cheek, hi~ black hair, star­tling eyebrows and dark complexionall combined to make him look everybit the incorruptible agent of theTerrestrial- Bureau of Informationthat he actually was.

Yet n<;lw something almost like asmile tugged at his lips as he looked

118

about the large room, -in which dim­ness made the rows of book-filmsappear endless, and specimens ofwho-knows-what' from who-knows­where bulk mysteriously. The com­plete disorder, the air of separation,almost insulation, from the world,made the room look unreal. It madeit look every bit, as unreal as itsowner.

That owner sat 'in a combinationarmchair-desk which was bathed inthe only focus of bright light in theroom. Slowly, he turned the sheetsof official reports he"held in his hand.His hand moved otherwise· only toadjust the thick spectacles whichthreatened at any moment to fall.completely from his round and com­pletely unimpressive nubbin of anose. His paunch lifted and fellquietly as he read.

He was Dr. Wendell Vrth, who, ifthe judgment of experts counted foranything, was Earth's most out­standing extraterrologist. On anysubject outsid~ Earth men came tohim, though Dr. Vrth had never·inhis adult life been more than anhour's-walk distance from his homeon the University campus.

He looked up solemnly at Inspec­tor Davenport. "A very intelligentman, .this young Vernadsky," hesaid.

"To have deduced all he did fromthe presence of the silicony? Quite5q," said Davenport.

"N9, no, the deduction was a sim­ple thing. Unavoidable, in fact. A.noodle would have seen it. I was

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

referring," and his glance grew atrifle censorious, "to the fact thatthe youngster had' read of my ex­periments concerning .the gamma­ray'~sensitivity of Siliconeus aster­oidea.,"

"Ah, yes," said Davenport. Ofco~rse, Dr. Vrth was the expert onsiliconies. It was why Davenporthad come to consult him. He hadonly one question for' the man,. asimple one, yet.Dr..Vrth,had thrustout his full'lips, shaken his pOhderou~head and asked to see all the docu­ments in the case.

Ordinarily, that would have beenout of the question; but D.r. Vrthhad recently been of considerableuse to the T.B.I. in that affair: of .,theSinging Bells of Luna and the singu­lar alibi shattered by moon-gravity,and the Inspector had yielded.

Dr. Vrth finished the reading,laid the sheets down on his desk,yanked his shirt sleeve out of thetight confines of his belt with ascunt and rubbed his glasse~ with it.He stared through the glasses at the,light to see the effects of his clean­ing, replaced them precariously onhis nose and clasped his hands on hispaunch, stubby fing~rs interlacing.

"Your question again, Inspector?"Davenport said, patieritly, "Is it

true, in your opinion, that a siliconyof "the size and type described inthe report could only have developedon a world rich in uranium -,,'

"Radioactive material," .inter­rupted Dr. Vrth. "Thorium, per­haps, though probably uranium."

~HE TALKING STONE~

"Is your answer yes, then?""Yes." ."Ho\v big would the world be?" ,"A ~ile in diameter, perha,ps,"

sa~d the extraterrologist, thought­fully. "Perhaps even more."

"How many tons of uranium. orradioactive material, rather?"

"In the trillions. Minimum.""Would you be wjlling to put all

that in the form of a signed opinionin writing."

"Of course.""Very well then, Dr. Vrth," and

Davenport got to his feet. Hereached' for his hat with one handand the file of reports with theother. "That is all we need."

But Dr. Vrth's hand moved tothe reports aQd rested -heavily uponthem. "Wait. How ·will yeu find theasteroid?' ,

"By looking. We'll -assign a vol­ume of space to every ship madeavailable to IUS and - justJook."

"The expense, the time, the ef­fort! - And you~l1 never find it."

"One chance in a thousand. Wemight."

"One cnance in a million. Youwon't."

"We can't let the uranium gowithout some try. Your professionalopinion makes the prize highenough." .

"But there is a better way to' findthe asteroid. I can find it.,"

Davenport fixed the extraterrolo'"gist with a sudden, sharp glance.Despite appearances, Dr. Vrth· wasa~ything but a fool. He had..personal

119

exp~rienceof that. There was there­fore just a bit of half-hope in hisvoice as he said, "How can you findit?"

"First," said Dr. Vrth, "myprice."

"Price?""Or fee, if you choose. When the

government reaches the asteroid,there may be anotlIer large-sizesilicony on it. Siliconles are· veryvaluable. The only form of life withsolid silicone' for tissues and liquidsilicone as a circulating fluid. Theanswer to the question whether theasteroids were once part of a singleplanetary body may rest with th,em.Do you understand?"

"You mean .you want a large sili­cony delivered to you."

"Alive, w~ll; and free of charge. 'Yes."

Davenport nodded. "I'm sure thegovernment will agree. Now what

'have you on your mind?". Dr. Vrth said quietly, as though

explaining everything, "The sili­cony's remark."

Davenport "looked bewildered."What remark?"

"The one in the report. Just be­fore the silicony died, Vernadskywas asking it where the captain hadwritten down the coordinates, and itsaid, 'On the asteroid.' "

A look of intense disappointmentcrossed Davenport's face-. "GreatSpace, doctor, we know that, andwe've gone into every angle of it.Every possible angle.. It meansnothing.~' "

120

"Nothing at all, Inspector?""Nothing of importance. Read

the report again. The silicony wasn'teven listening to Vernidsky. He wasfeeling life depart and he was won'"dering about 'it. Twice, it asked'What after death?' 'Then, as Ver'"nadsky kept questioning it, it said,'On the asteroid.' Probably, it neverheard Vernadsky's question. It wasanswering its own question. Itthought that after death it wouldreturn to- its own asteroid - to itshome., where it was safe. That's alL"

Dr. Urth shook his head. "You aretoo much a poet, you know. Youimagi,ne too much. Come, 'it is ani~teresting problem and let us see ifyou can't solv'e it for yourself. Sup"pose the silicony's remark were ananswer' to. Vernadsky."

"Even so," said rDavenpott im..patiently; "how would it help?Which asteroid? The uranium aster'"oid? We can't find it, So we can'tfind the coordinates. Some otherasteroid which the Robert Q. hadused as a home base? We can't findthat either~"

"How you .avoid the obvious, In..spector. Why don't you ask your..self what the phrase 'on the asteroid'means to the silicony. Not to you orto me, but to the silicony."

Davenport frowned. "Pardon me,doctor."

"I'm speaking plainly, What didthe word· asteroid mean to the sili..cony?"

"The silicony learned about spaceout of an astronomy ..text that was

. ,.

FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION

read to it. I suppos~ the book ex­plained what an asteroid was."

".Exactly," crowed Dr. Vrth, put­ting a finger to the side ·of his snubnose. "And how would the defini..tion go? An asteroid is a small body,smaller than the planets, movingabout the sun in an orbit which,generally speaking, lies betweenthose of Mars and Jupiter. Wouldn'tyou agree?" .

"I suppose so.""And what is the Robert Q.?""Y~u mean the ship?""That's what you call it," said

Dr. Vrth. "The ship. But the as­tronomy book was an a.ncient one.It made no mention ofships in space.One of the crewmen said as much.He said it dated from before space­flight. Then what is the Robert Q.?Isn't it a small body, smaller thanthe planets. And while the siliconywas aooard wasn't it moving aboutthe sun in an orbit which, generally

-speaking, lay between those of Marsand Jupiter?"

"You mean the silicony consid­ered the ship as ju~t another asteroid,and when he said, 'on the asteroid,'he meant 'on the ship'.'"

"Exactly. I told .you I wouldmake you s~lve the problem foryourself. '.' .

No expression of joy or relieflightened the gloom on the Inspec­tor's face. "That is no solution,doctor."

But Dr. Vrth blinked slowly athim and the bland look on his roundface became, if anything, blander

THE TALKING STONE

and more ~hildlike in its uncompli..cated pleasure. "Surely it is."

"Not at all. Dr. Vrth, we didn'treason it out as you "did. We dis­missed the silicony's ~emark' com­pletely. But still, don't you supposewe searched the Robert Q.? We tookit apart p~ece 'by piece, plate byplate. We just about unwelded thething."

"And you found nothing?""Nothing.""Perhaps you did not look in the

right place."""We looked in every place." He

stood up, as though to go. "Youunderstand, Dr. Vrth? When wegot through with the ship there wasno possibility o( those coordinates \existing anywhere on it."

"Sit down, Inspect~r," said Dr.Vrth, calmly. "You are still not con­sidering the silicony's statementproperly. Now t~e silicony learnedEnglish. by collecting a word hereand a word there. It couldn't speakidiomatic English. Some of its state­ments, as quoted, show that. Forinstance, it said, 'the planet which ismost far' instead of 'the farthestplanet.' You see?"

"Well?", "Someone who cannot ,speak alanguage idiomatically either usesthe idioms of his own language trans­lated word by word or else he simply"uses foreign words according to theirliteral meaning. The silicony hadno spoken language of its own so itcoul~ only make use of the secondalternative. Let's be literal, then.

121

He said, 'on the asteroid," Inspector.On it. He didn't mean on a piece ofpaper, he meant on the- ship, liter­ally. "

"Dr. Vrth," said Davenport pa­tiently, "when the Bureau searches,it searches. There were no mysteriousinscriptions on the ship, either"."

Dr. Vrth looked disappointed."Dear me, Inspector, I keep hopingyou will see the answer. Really, youhave had so many hints."

Davenport drew in a slow, firmbreath. It went hard, but his voicewas calm and even once more. "Willyou tell me what you have in mind;­doctor?"

Dr. Vrth patted his comfortableabdomen with one hand and replacedhis glasses. "Don't you see, Inspec­tor, that there is one place on boarda- spaceship ~here secret numbersare perfectly safe? Where, althoughin plain view, they would be per-

_fectly safe from detection? Where,though they were being stared at bya hundred eyes, they would be se­cure? - Ex~ept from a seeker whois an astute thinker, of course."

"Where? Name the place!""Why, in those pla~ where there

happer to be numbers already. Per­fectly normal numbers~ Legal num~bers. Numbers that are supposed tobe there."

"What are you talking about?""The ship's serial number," etched

directly on the hull. On the hull, beit noted. The engine number, thefield ,geuerator number. A fewothers.E,ach etched on integral 'portions of

122

the ship. On them, as the siliconysaid. On the ship."

Davenport's heavy eyebrows rose':Vith sudden comprehension. "Youmay be right - and if you are, I'mhoping we find you.a silicony twicethe size of the Robert Q.'s. One thatnot only talks, but whistles, 'Up,Asteroids, Forever'!" He hastilyreached for the dossier, thumbedrapi~I}T through it and extracted anofficial T.B.I. form. "Of course wenoted down all the identificationnumbers we found .." He spread- theform out. "If three of these r~semble

coordinates . . .""We should expect some" small

effort at disguise," Dr. Urth ob­served. "There will probably be cer­tain letters and figures added tomake the series appear more legiti­mate...."

He reached for a scratch-pad andshoved another toward th<; Inspec­tor. For minutes the two men weresilent, jotting down serial numbers,experimenting' with crossing out ob­viously unrelated figures.

At last Davenport let out a sighthat mingled satisfaction and fros-

.tration. "I'm stuck," he admitted. \"I think you're right: The" numberson the engine and the calculator areclearly disguised coordinates anddates. They don't run anywherenear the normal series, and it's easyto strike out the fake figures. Thatgives us two . . . but I'll take myoath the rest of these are absolutelylegitimate serial numbers. What areyour findings, doctor?"

FANTASY' AND SCIE~CE FICTION

"1 agree," Dr. :Vrth nodded. '~Wenow have two coordinates, and weknow where the third was inscribed."

"We know, do we? And how -?"The-Inspector broke off and utteredan obscenity much olde.r than space­swearing. "Of course! The ,numberon the very ship itself, which isn'tentered here - because it-was on theprecise spot on the hull where themeteor crashed through.... I'mafraid there goes your silicony, doc­tor." Then his craggy face. bright,­ened. "B.ut I'm an idiot. The num­ber's gone, but we can get it in aflash from Interplan Registry'."

HI fe~r," said Dr. Urth, "that Imust dispute at least the secondpart of your statement. Registry.will have only the ship's originallegitimate number - not the dis­guised coordinate to which the cap-tain altered it." .

"The exact spot on the hull .. . ,"­Davenport muttered. "And becauseof that chance shot the asteroid maybe lost forever. What use to any­body are two coordinates without athird?"

"Well,"- said Dr. Vrth precisely,"conceivably of very great use toa two-dimensional. being. But crea­tures of ·our dimensions," he pattedhis paunch, "do require the third... which' I fortunately happen tohave right here."

"In the T.B.I. dossier? But wejust checked the list of numbers -", "Your list, Inspector. Your file

also, includes young Vernadsky's ori­ginal report. And of course the se-

THE TALKING STONE

rial number listed there for theRobert Q. is the carefully faked ·oneunder. which she was then sailing ­no point in rousing the curiosity of arepair-mechanic by letting him~ote

a disc~epancy."

Davenport reached for a scratch­pad and the Vernadsky list. A mo"ment's calculation and he grinned.

Dr. Urth lifted himself out of thechair with a pleased puff and trotted

123"

to the door. "It is always pleasantto see you, Inspector Davenport.Do come again. And remember, thegovernment can have the uranium,but I want the important thing: onegiant silicony, alive and in goodcondition."

He was smiling."And preferably," said Daven­

port, "whistling." -Which he was._doing himself as he \valked out.

Co~.ing "~ext ~onth

Grand news for all who 'welcome human 'values, strong unotions dna hril­liant writing in science fiftion.' In our next· issue, on the stands around-October z, we'll start a two-part serial hy Theodore Sturgeon, h'earing th(extraordinary (yet ":Oholly justifieJ) title of The [Widget], the [Wadget],and Boff - a story as' ofJtrail as the form of iti title, and comhiningwarmth lind ingenuity as only the inctnrtparable Sturgeon can. We'll cele­hrate World Series time with a novelet hy Poul Anderson ana Goraon R.Dickson in which the Hokas take up the Great Am,rican Game, with resultsfrom which baseball may never recover,," afJtl this all-new issue (no reprintsthis ti",e) will also feature a novelet of crime and fant~sy hy the fast-paced.

I storyteller Frank Gru!Jer, the F&SF dehut of the rising young author (andprofessional rocket expert) Lee Correy, ,ana stories by Iaris Seabright, AlanE. Nourse ana other F&SF favorites.

From Majf)rct!, U!here he now resides, via London, where he regularly contrih­utes to Punch, that assiduous scholar Rohert Graves hrings us a clear andcomprehensive report on the state of witchcraft in this technological age.

cAn <Appointment for Candlemasby ROBERT GR~VES

[lave I the honour of addressing Thefact is, madam, I'm engaged inMrs. Hipk!:nson? // . writing a D.Phil thesis on Contempo-

That's mel And .\vhat can I do for rary Magology . . . _you, young man? ., Eh? What's that? Talk'straight, if

I have a verbal introductionfrom - . you please Ifrom an officer ofyour organization. Excuse me. I mean I'm a universityRobin ofBarking Creek was the n!lme graduate studying present-day witch­he gave. . craft; as a means oftaking my degree

If that isn't just like Rob.in's in Philosophy.cheek! The ·old buck hasn't even Now, that.wakes a bit more sense.~ropped me a Christmas card since If Robin answers for you I don't 'seethe year sweets came off the ration, 'why we '~ouldn't help - same as Iand now he sends me trouble. got our Deanna up into 0 level with

Trouble, Mrs. Hipkinson? a bit of a spell I cast on the Modern.Trouble, I said. You're not one of Secondary School examiners. But

us. Don't need to do nq. crystal gaz- don't you trouble to speak in whis­ing to see that. _What's the game? pers. Them eighteenth-Century

Robin of Barking Creek has been Witchcraft Acts is obsolescent now,kind enough to suggest that you would except as regards fortune-tellers; andbe kind enough to . . . we don't touch that lay, not profes­

Cut it out. Got my shopping to sionally we don't. Course, I admit wefinish. I keep ourselves to ourselves, but so

If I might perhaps be allowed to do the Masons and the Foresters andcarry your basket? It looks as tfit were the Buffs, .not to mention .the Com­rather heavy. mies. And all are welcome to our

O.K., you win. Take the damn little dos, what consent to· be dulything. My corns are giving me jip. pricked in their finger-tips and take

Copyright, /954, by Robert Graves; reprinted by permission ofthe proprietors of PU'RCh

124

AN APPOINTMENT FOR CANDLEMAS

the 'oath and give that there comicalkiss. The police don't interfere. Gottheir work cut out to keep up withmotoring offences and juvenile crime,and cetera. Nor they don't believe inwitches, they' 'say; only in fairies.They're real do~vn on the poor fairies.

Do you mean to say the policewouldn't break up one ofyour GrandSabbaths, if. . ·, HaLf a rno'! Got to pop in.,to theHome and Commercial for a dozen'rashers and a couple of hen-fruit.Bring the basket along, ducks, if youplease....

As you were saying, Mrs. HiPkin­son?

Ah yes, about them Sabbaths ...Well, see, to keep the right side ofthe Law, on accoun~ we all have toappear starko, naturally we 'hire thel'Judists' Hall. Main festivals arequarter-days and cross quarter-days;them's the obligatory ones, same asin Lancashire and the Highlands andeverywhere else. Can't often sparethe tinle in between. We run twocovens' here, used to· be three '­mixed sexes, bu to us girls are in thebig majority. I'm Pucelle of CovenNo. I, and my boy-friend ArthQrO'Bowe~ (radio-mechanic i~ privatelife), ~e's Chief Devil of both. Myhusband, plays the tabor and jew's­trump in eoven NO.2. ,Not ve~.

well up in the book of words, bU,t awilling performer, that's Mr. H.

I hope. I'm not being indiscreet, buthow do you name your God of theWitches?

12,5

Well, we used different names inthe old days, before this ~illage be-­came what's called a dormitory sub­urb. He was Mahew, or Lug, orHerne, I seem to remember, accord­ing to the time of year. But the R~v.Jones, our last Chief Devil but two,he was a bit of a scholar: alwayscalled the god "F~unus," which isGreek or Hebrew, I understand.

But Faunus was a patron offlocksand forests. There ,aren't many flocksor forests in North-eastern London,surely?

Too true there aren't; but we per­form our fertility rites in aid of theallotments. We all feel that the allot­ments is a good cause to be en­couraged, remembering how shortof food. we went in the war. Re-­minds,me, got to stop at that fruitstall: horse-radish and a cabBagelettuce and a few nice carrots. The'horse-radish is for my' httle, old fa­miliar; too strong for my own taste. . . Shopping's a lot easier sinceAJthut and me got rid of that thereHitler....

Please continue, Mrs. Hipkjnson.Well, as I was saying, that Hitler

caused us a lot of trouble. We don'thold with politics as a rule; but themNatsies was just too bad with theirincendiaries and buzz-bombs. SoArthur and I worked pn him at 3"

distance, using all the strongest en­chantments in the Book of Moonsand out of it, not to mention a cou­ple of new ones I got out of themFree French Breton sailors. But Mr.

126

Hitler was a difficult nut' to crack.He was protected, see? But Mr. Hit­ler had given us fire, and fire wewould give Mr. Hitler. First time,unfortunately, we got a couplet 0'

words wrong in the formula, andonly blew his pants off of him. Nexttime, we didn't slip up; and weburned the little basket,to a cinder.• • .i Reminds me of my great­grandmother, old Mrs. Lou Simmonsof Wanstead. She got mad with theEmperor Napoleon Bonaparte, andcaused 'im an 'orrid belly-ache onthe Field of Waterloo. Done, at adistanceagaiil, with toad's venom ­you got to get a toad scared sickbefore he'li secrete the right stuff.But old- Lou, she scared her toadgoo9 and proper,: showed him a dis-'torting looking-glass~ clever act,eh? So Boney couldn't keep his mindon the battle; it was those awfulgripings in his stomjack what gavethe Duke of Wellington his oppor...t~nity. Must cross over to the chem­ist, if you don~t mind ...

Forflying ointment, by any chance?Don't be potty! Think I'd ask

that Mr. Cadman for soot and baby'sfat and bat's blood and aconite and.water-parsnip? The old carcass wouldthink I was pulling h,is leg. No, LengJack of Coven No.2 makes up ourflying ointment -:- Jack's assistantdispenser at the Children's Hospitaldown New Cut. Oh, but look at thatqueue! I don't think I'll trouble thismorning. An aspirin will do me joustas well as the panel medicine.

Do you still use the old-style besom

FANTAS Y AND SCIENCE FICTION

at your merrymak!ngs, Mrs. Ripkin­son? ;,

There's another difficulty you laidyour finger on. Can't get a decentbesom hereabouts, not for love normoney. Painted white wood a,ndartificial bristles, that's what theyoffer you. We got to send all the wayto a bloke at Taunton for the realthing~ ash and· birch, with osier.for the binding - and last time, be­lieve it or don't, ..the °damn'ed foolssent me a consignment bound innylon- tape! Nylon tape, I ask y~ii!

Yes, I fear that modern technologi­cal conditions are not favourable to aspread ofthe Old Religion.

Can't grumble. We're up tQstrength,at present, until one or twoof the older boys.and girls drop offthe hoo.ks. 'But TV isn't doing us no'good. Sometimes I got to do a bit ofmagic-making before-I can drag mycoven away from Muffin the Mule.

Could you tell me what sort ofmagic? .

Oh, nothing much; just d<?ne withtallow dolls and a bit of itching~powder. I raise shingles on' their. sit-­upons, that's the principle~ :'Ma:introuble is, there's not been· agirl ofschool age join~d ·us· since my De~anna, which is quite a time. It's hel~

beating up recruits. Why, ~. :kno~

families where there's three genera~

tions of witch.es behind the kids, anddo you kvow what they all.say?

I should not like to venture a guess,Mrs. Hipkinson. .

They say it's rude. Rude! That's *good one, eh? Well now, what about

AN APPOINTMENT FOR CANDLEMAS

Candlemas? Falls OIl a Wednesdaythis time. Come along at dusk.Nlldists' Hall, remember - first big

/bu:ilding to the left past -the trafficl~ghts. Just knock. And don't youworry about the finger-pricking. I'llbring iodine and lint.

This .is very kind of you indeed,Mrs. Hipkjnson. I'll 'phone BarkingCreek to-night and tell Robin howhelpful you have been.

Don't mention it, young man.Well, here.'s my dump. Can't a~k"

you in. But it's been a nice chat.O.K. then.. On Candlemas Eve lookout for three green frogs in yourshaving-mug; I'll send them ~s a re­minder.... And mind, no funnybusiness, Mr. Clever! We welcomegood sports~' but noseY-'parkers has

127got to watch"-theii -step, see? LastLammas Arthur and me caught a.reporter from the North-Eastern Ex­aminer concealed about the premises.Hey presto! and we transformed himinto one of them Australian yellowdog dingoes. Took him down to Re­gent's Park and let him loose. Madeout he'd escaped' from the Zoologi­cal Gardens;· the keepers sooncopped him. He's the only dingo inthe pen with a kink in his tail; but'you'd pick him out even withoutthat., I dare say, by h~s hang-dogloo~. Yes, you can watch the dingoesfree from the "Scotsman's Zoo,"meaning that nice walk along the'park railings. Well, cheerio for thepresent!

Good-bye, Mrs. Hipkinson.

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