faulkner, william - as i lay dying

8/12/2019 Faulkner, William - As I Lay Dying

1/82

AS I LAY DYING

TO

Hal Smith

Copyright 1930, and rn!d 19"#, $y %illiam &a'l(nr

Darl

)!l and I *om 'p +rom th +ild, +ollo!ing th path in ingl +il- Altho'gh

I am +i+tn +t ahad o+ him, anyon !at*hing ' +rom th *ottonho' *an

)!l. +rayd and $ro(n tra! hat a +'ll had a$o/ my o!n-

Th path r'n traight a a pl'm$lin, !orn mooth $y +t and $a(d

$ri*(hard $y )'ly, $t!n th grn ro! o+ laid$y *otton, to th *ottonho'

in th *ntr o+ th +ild, !hr it t'rn and *ir*l th *ottonho' at +o'r

o+t right angl and go on a*ro th +ild again, !orn o $y +t in +ading

pr*iion-

Th *ottonho' i o+ ro'gh log, +rom $t!n !hi*h th *hin(ing ha long

+alln- S'ar, !ith a $ro(n roo+ t at a ingl pit*h, it lan in mpty and

himmring dilapidation in th 'nlight, a ingl $road !indo! in t!o oppoit

!all gi/ing onto th approa*h o+ th path- %hn ! ra*h it I t'rn and +ollo!

th path !hi*h *ir*l th ho'- )!l, +i+tn +t $hind m, loo(ingtraight ahad, tp in a ingl trid thro'gh th !indo!- Still taring

traight ahad, hi pal y li( !ood t into hi !oodn +a*, h *ro th

+loor in +o'r trid !ith th rigid gra/ity o+ a *igar tor Indian drd in

pat*hd o/rall and nd'd !ith li+ +rom th hip do!n, and tp in a ingl

trid thro'gh th oppoit !indo! and into th path again 2't a I *om aro'nd

th *ornr- In ingl +il and +i/ +t apart and )!l no! in +ront, ! go on

'p th path to!ard th +oot o+ th $l'++-

T'll. !agon tand $id th pring, hit*hd to th rail, th rin

!rappd a$o't th at tan*hion- In th !agon $d ar t!o *hair- )!l top

at th pring and ta( th go'rd +rom th !illo! $ran*h and drin(- I pa him

and mo'nt th path, $ginning to har Cah. a!-

%hn I ra*h th top h ha 'it a!ing- Standing in a littr o+ *hip, h

i +itting t!o o+ th $oard togthr- t!n th hado! pa* thy ar yllo!

a gold, li( o+t gold, $aring on thir +lan( in mooth 'nd'lation th mar(

o+ th ad4 $lad5 a good *arpntr, Cah i- H hold th t!o plan( on th

trtl, +ittd along th dg in a 'artr o+ th +inihd $o6- H (nl and

'int along th dg o+ thm, thn h lo!r thm and ta( 'p th ad4- A

good *arpntr- Addi 'ndrn *o'ld not !ant a $ttr on, $ttr $o6 to li in-

It !ill gi/ hr *on+idn* and *om+ort- I go on to th ho', +ollo!d $y th

Ch'*(- Ch'*(- Ch'*(-

o+ th ad4-

Cora

So I a/d o't th gg and $a(d ytrday- Th *a( t'rnd o't right !ll- %

dpnd a lot on o'r *hi*(n- Thy ar good layr, !hat +! ! ha/ l+t a+tr

th po'm and '*h- Sna( too, in th 'mmr- A na( !ill $ra( 'p a hn

ho' 'i*(r than anything- So a+tr thy !r going to *ot o m'*h mor than7r T'll tho'ght, and a+tr I promid that th di++rn* in th n'm$r o+ gg

!o'ld ma( it 'p, I had to $ mor *ar+'l than /r $*a' it !a on my +inal

ayo ! too( thm- % *o'ld ha/ to*(d *hapr *hi*(n, $'t I ga/ my

promi a 7i La!ington aid !hn h ad/id m to gt a good $rd, $*a'

7r T'll himl+ admit that a good $rd o+ *o! or hog pay in th long r'n-

So !hn ! lot o many o+ thm ! *o'ldn.t a++ord to ' th gg o'rl/,

$*a' I *o'ld not ha/ had 7r T'll *hid m !hn it !a on my ayo ! too(

thm- So !hn 7i La!ington told m a$o't th *a( I tho'ght that I *o'ld $a(

thm and arn no'gh, at on tim to in*ra th nt /al' o+ th +lo*( th


2/82

'i/alnt o+ t!o had- And that $y a/ing th gg o't on at a tim, /n th

gg !o'ldn.t $ *oting anything- And that !( thy laid o !ll that I not

only a/d o't no'gh gg a$o/ !hat ! had ngagd to ll, to $a( th *a(

!ith, I had a/d no'gh o that th +lo'r and th 'gar and th to/ !ood

!o'ld not $ *oting anything- So I $a(d ytrday, mor *ar+'l than /r I

$a(d in my li+, and th *a( t'rnd o't right !ll- 't !hn ! got to to!n

thi morning 7i La!ington told m th lady had *hangd hr mind and !a not

going to ha/ th party a+tr all-

8Sh o'ght to ta(n tho *a( any!ay,8 at ay-

8%ll,8 I ay, 8I r*(on h n/r had no ' +or thm no!-8

8Sh o'ght to ta(n thm,8 at ay- 8't tho ri*h to!n ladi *an

*hang thir mind- :oor +ol( *ant-8

;i*h i nothing in th +a* o+ th Lord, +or H *an into th hart-

87ay$ I *an ll thm at th $a4aar Sat'rday,8 I ay- Thy t'rnd o't ral

!ll-

8Yo' *ant gt t!o dollar a pi* +or thm,8 at ay-

8%ll, it in.t li( thy *ot m anything,8 I ay- I a/d thm o't and

!appd a do4n o+ thm +or th 'gar and +lo'r- It in.t li( th *a( *ot m

anything, a 7r T'll himl+ rali that th gg I a/d !r o/r and $yond

!hat ! had ngagd to ll, o it !a li( ! had +o'nd th gg or thy had

$n gi/n to '-8Sh o'ght to ta(n tho *a( !hn h am a ga/ yo' hr !ord,8 at

ay- Th Lord *an into th hart- I+ it i Hi !ill that om +ol( ha

di++rnt ida o+ honty +rom othr +ol(, it i not my pla* to 'tion Hi

d*r-

8I r*(on h n/r had any ' +or thm,8 I ay- Thy t'rnd o't ral

!ll, too-

Th 'ilt i dra!n 'p to hr *hin, hot a it i, !ith only hr t!o hand

and hr +a* o'tid- Sh i proppd on th pillo!, !ith hr had raid o h

*an o't th !indo!, and ! *an har him /ry tim h ta( 'p th ad4 or

th a!- I+ ! !r da+ ! *o'ld almot !at*h hr +a* and har him, him-

Hr +a* i !atd a!ay o that th $on dra! 2't 'ndr th (in in !hit

lin- Hr y ar li( t!o *andl !hn yo' !at*h thm g'ttr do!n into th

o*(t o+ iron *andlti*(- 't th trnal and th /rlating al/ation and

gra* i not 'pon hr-

8Thy t'rnd o't ral ni*,8 I ay- 8't not li( th *a( Addi 'd to

$a(-8 Yo' *an that girl. !ahing and ironing in th pillo!lip, i+ irond

it /r !a- 7ay$ it !ill r/al hr $lindn to hr, laying thr at th

mr*y and th minitration o+ +o'r mn and a tom$oy girl- 8Thr. not a !oman

in thi *tion *o'ld /r $a( !ith Addi 'ndrn,8 I ay- 8&irt thing ! (no!

h.ll $ 'p and $a(ing again, and thn ! !ont ha/ any al +or o'r at all-8


3/82

Somon *om thro'gh th hall- It i Darl- H do not loo( in a h

pa th door- ='la !at*h him a h go on and pa +rom ight again

to!ard th $a*(- Hr hand ri and to'*h hr $ad lightly, and thn hr

hair- %hn h +ind m !at*hing hr, hr y go $lan(-

Darl

:a and ?rnon ar itting on th $a*( por*h- :a i tilting n'++ +rom th lid o+

hi n'++$o6 into hi lo!r lip, holding th lip o'tdra!n $t!n th'm$ and

+ingr- Thy loo( aro'nd a I *ro th por*h and dip th go'rd into th !atr

$'*(t and drin(-

8%hr. )!l>8 pa ay- %hn I !a a $oy I +irt larnd ho! m'*h $ttr

!atr tat !hn it ha t a !hil in a *dar $'*(t- %armih*ool, !ith a

+aint tat li( th hot )'ly !ind in *dar tr mll- It ha to t at lat

i6 ho'r, and $ dr'n( +rom a go'rd- %atr ho'ld n/r $ dr'n( +rom mtal-

And at night it i $ttr till- I 'd to li on th pallt in th hall,

!aiting 'ntil I *o'ld har thm all alp, o I *o'ld gt 'p and go $a*( to th

$'*(t- It !o'ld $ $la*(, th hl+ $la*(, th till 'r+a* o+ th !atr a

ro'nd ori+i* in nothingn, !hr $+or I tirrd it a!a( !ith th dippr I

*o'ld may$ a tar or t!o in th $'*(t, and may$ in th dippr a tar or

t!o $+or I dran(- A+tr that I !a $iggr, oldr- Thn I !o'ld !ait 'ntil thy

all !nt to lp o I *o'ld li !ith my hirttail 'p, haring thm alp,+ling myl+ !itho't to'*hing myl+, +ling th *ool iln* $lo!ing 'pon my

part and !ondring i+ Cah !a yondr in th dar(n doing it too, had $n

doing it prhap +or th lat t!o yar $+or I *o'ld ha/ !antd to or *o'ld

ha/-

:a. +t ar $adly playd, hi to *rampd and $nt and !arpd, !ith no

tonail at all on hi littl to, +rom !or(ing o hard in th !t in hommad

ho !hn h !a a $oy- id hi *hair hi $rogan it- Thy loo( a tho'gh

thy had $n ha*(d !ith a $l'nt a6 o't o+ pigiron- ?rnon ha $n to to!n-

I ha/ n/r n him go to to!n in o/rall- Hi !i+, thy ay- Sh ta'ght

*hool too, on*-

I +ling th dippr drg to th gro'nd and !ip my mo'th on my l/- It

i going to rain $+or morning- 7ay$ $+or dar(- 8Do!n to th $arn,8 I ay-

8Harning th tam-8

Do!n thr +ooling !ith that hor- H !ill go on thro'gh th $arn, into

th pat'r- Th hor !ill not $ in ight5 h i 'p thr among th pin

dling, in th *ool- )!l !hitl, on* and hrill- Th hor nort, thn

)!l him, glinting +or a ga'dy intant among th $l' hado!- )!l

!hitl again@ th hor *om dropping do!n th lop, ti++lggd, hi ar

*o*(ing and +li*(ing, hi mimat*hd y rolling, and +t*h 'p t!nty +t

a!ay, $roadid on, !at*hing )!l o/r hi ho'ldr in an attit'd (ittnih

and alrt-

8Com hr, ir,8 )!l ay- H mo/- 7o/ing that 'i*( hi *oat,

$'n*hing, tong' !irling li( o many +lam- %ith toing man and tail and

rolling y th hor ma( anothr hort *'r/tting r'h and top again, +t

$'n*hd, !at*hing )!l- )!l !al( tadily to!ard him, hi hand at hi

id- Sa/ +or )!l. lg thy ar li( t!o +ig'r *ar/d +or a ta$la'

a/ag in th 'n-%hn )!l *an almot to'*h him, th hor tand on hi hind lg and

lah do!n at )!l- Thn )!l i n*lod $y a glittring ma4 o+ hoo/ a

$y an ill'ion o+ !ing@ among thm, $nath th 'prard *ht, h mo/ !ith

th +lahing lim$rn o+ a na(- &or an intant $+or th 2r( *om onto

hi arm h hi !hol $ody arth+r, hori4ontal, !hipping na('m$r,

'ntil h +ind th hor. notril and to'*h arth again- Thn thy ar

rigid, motionl, trri+i*, th hor $a*(thr't on ti++nd, 'i/ring lg,

!ith lo!rd had@ )!l !ith d'g hl, h'tting o++ th hor. !ind !ith on


4/82

hand, !ith th othr patting th hor. n*( in hort tro( myriad and

*aring, *'ring th hor !ith o$*n +ro*ity-

Thy tand in rigid trri+i* hiat', th hor trm$ling and groaning-

Thn )!l i on th hor. $a*(- H +lo! 'p!ard in a tooping !irl li( th

lah o+ a !hip, hi $ody in midair hapd to th hor- &or anothr momnt th

hor tand praddld, !ith lo!rd had, $+or it $'rt into motion- Thy

d*nd th hill in a ri o+ pin2olting 2'mp, )!l high, l*hli( on

th !ithr, to th +n* !hr th hor $'n*h to a *'ttring halt again-

8%ll,8 )!l ay, 8yo' *an 'it no!, i+ yo' got aplnty-8

Inid th $arn )!l lid r'nning to th gro'nd $+or th hor top-

Th hor ntr th tall, )!l +ollo!ing- %itho't loo(ing $a*( th hor

(i*( at him, lamming a ingl hoo+ into th !all !ith a pitolli( rport-

)!l (i*( him in th toma*h@ th hor ar*h hi n*( $a*(, *roptoothd@

)!l tri( him a*ro th +a* !ith hi +it and lid on to th tro'gh and

mo'nt 'pon it- Clinging to th hayra*( h lo!r hi had and pr o't a*ro

th tall top and thro'gh th door!ay- Th path i mpty@ +rom hr h *annot

/n har Cah a!ing- H ra*h 'p and drag do!n hay in h'rrid arm+'l and

*ram it into th ra*(-

8=at,8 h ay- 8Gt th goddamn t'++ o't o+ ight !hil yo' got a

*han*, yo' p'lg'ttd $atard- Yo' !t on o+ a $it*h,8 h ay-

)!l

It $*a' h tay o't thr, right 'ndr th !indo!, hammring and a!ing on

that goddamn $o6- %hr h got to him- %hr /ry $rath h dra! i

+'ll o+ hi (no*(ing and a!ing !hr h *an him aying S- S !hat a

good on I am ma(ing +or yo'- I told him to go om!hr l- I aid Good God

do yo' !ant to hr in it- It li( !hn h !a a littl $oy and h ay i+

h had om +rtili4r h !o'ld try to rai om +lo!r and h ta(n th

$rad pan and $ro'ght it $a*( +rom th $arn +'ll o+ d'ng-

And no! thm othr itting thr, li( $'44ard- %aiting, +anning

thml/- *a' I aid I+ yo' !o'ldnt (p on a!ing and nailing at it

'ntil a man *ant lp /n and hr hand laying on th 'ilt li( t!o o+ thm

root d'g 'p and trid to !ah and yo' *o'ldnt gt thm *lan- I *an th

+an and D!y Dll arm- I aid i+ yo'd 2't lt hr alon- Sa!ing and

(no*(ing, and (ping th air al!ay mo/ing o +at on hr +a* that !hn yo'r

tird yo' *ant $rath it, and that goddamn ad4 going On li*( l- On li*(

l- On li*( l 'ntil /ry$ody that pa in th road !ill ha/ to top

and it and ay !hat a +in *arpntr h i- I+ it had 2't $n m !hn Cah

+ll o++ o+ that *h'r*h and i+ it had 2't $n m !hn pa laid i*( !ith that

load o+ !ood +ll on him, it !o'ld not $ happning !ith /ry $atard in th

*o'nty *oming in to tar at hr $*a' i+ thr i a God !hat th hll i H

+or- It !o'ld 2't $ m and hr on a high hill and m rolling th ro*( do!n

th hill +a* and tth and all $y God 'ntil h !a 'it and not that goddamn

ad4 going On li*( l- On li*( l and ! *o'ld $ 'it-

Darl

% !at*h him *om aro'nd th *ornr and mo'nt th tp- H do not loo( at '-

8Yo' rady>8 h ay-8I+ yo'.r hit*hd 'p,8 I ay- I ay 8%ait-8 H top, loo(ing at pa-

?rnon pit, !itho't mo/ing- H pit %ith d*oro' and dli$rat pr*iion

into th po*(d d't $lo! th por*h- :a r'$ hi hand lo!ly on hi (n- H

i ga4ing o't $yond th *rt o+ th $l'++, o't a*ro th land- )!l !at*h

him a momnt, thn h go on to th pail and drin( again-

8I mili( 'nd*iion a m'*h a r a man,8 :a ay-

8It man thr dollar,8 I ay- Th hirt a*ro pa. h'mp i +add

lightr than th rt o+ it- Thr i no !at tain on hi hirt- I ha/ n/r

n a !at tain on hi hirt- H !a i*( on* +rom !or(ing in th 'n !hn


5/82

h !a t!ntyt!o yar old, and h tll popl that i+ h /r !at, h !ill

di- I 'ppo h $li/ it-

8't i+ h dont lat 'ntil yo' gt $a*(,8 h ay- 8Sh !ill $

diappointd-8

?rnon pit into th d't- 't it !ill rain $+or morning-

8Sh. *o'ntd on it,8 pa ay- 8Sh.ll !ant to tart right a!ay- I (no!

hr- I promid hr I.d (p th tam hr and rady, and h. *o'nting on it-8

8%.ll nd that thr dollar thn, 'r,8 I ay- H ga4 o't o/r th

land, r'$$ing hi hand on hi (n- Sin* h lot hi tth hi mo'th

*ollap in lo! rptition !hn h dip- Th t'$$l gi/ hi lo!r +a* that

apparan* that old dog ha/- 8Yo'.d $ttr ma( 'p yo'r mind oon, o ! *an

gt thr and gt a load on $+or dar(,8 I ay-

87a aint that i*(,8 )!l ay- 8Sh't 'p, Darl-8

BThat. right,8 ?rnon ay- 8Sh m mor li( hrl+ today than h

ha in a !(- Tim yo' and )!l gt $a*(, h.ll $ tting 'p-8

8Yo' o'ght to (no!,8 )!l ay- 8Yo' $n hr o+tn no'gh loo(ing at

hr- Yo' or yo'r +ol(-8 ?rnon loo( at him- )!l. y loo( li( pal !ood

in hi high$loodd +a*- H i a had tallr than any o+ th rt o+ ', al!ay

!a- I told thm that. !hy ma al!ay !hippd him and pttd him mor- *a'

h !a pa(ling aro'nd th ho' mor- That. !hy h namd him )!l I told

thm-8Sh't 'p, )!l,8 pa ay, $'t a tho'gh h i not litning m'*h- H

ga4 o't a*ro th land, r'$$ing hi (n-

8Yo' *o'ld $orro! th loan o+ ?rnon. tam and ! *o'ld *at*h 'p !ith

yo',8 I ay- 8I+ h didn.t !ait +or '-8

8Ah, h't yo'r goddamn mo'th,8 )!l ay-

8Sh.ll !ant to go in o'rn,8 pa ay- H r'$ hi (n- 8Dont r a man

mili( it mor-8

8It. laying thr, !at*hing Cah !hittl on that damn - - -8 )!l ay-

H ay it harhly, a/agly, $'t h do not ay th !ord- Li( a littl $oy in

th dar( to +lail hi *o'rag and 'ddnly aghat into iln* $y hi o!n noi-

8Sh !antd that li( h !ant to go in o'r o!n !agon,8 pa ay- 8Sh.ll

rt air +or (no!ing it. a good on, and pri/at- Sh !a /r a pri/at

!oman- Yo' (no! it !ll-8

BThn lt it $ pri/at,8 )!l ay- 8't ho! th hll *an yo' 6p*t it

to $8 h loo( at th $a*( o pa. had, hi y li( pal !oodn y-

8Sho,8 ?rnon ay, 8h.ll hold on till it. +inihd- Sh.ll hold on

till /rything. rady, till hr o!n good tim- And !ith th road li( thy

ar no!, it !ont ta( yo' no tim to gt hr to to!n-8

8It. +i6ing 'p to rain,8 pa ay- 8I am a l'*(l man- I ha/ /r

$n-8 H r'$ hi hand on hi (n- 8It. that d'rn do*tor, lia$l to *om at

any tim- I *o'ldn.t gt !ord to him till o lat- I+ h !a to *om tomorro!

and tll hr th tim !a nigh, h !o'ldn.t !ait, I (no! hr- %agon or no

!agon, h !o'ldn.t !ait- Thn h.d $ 'pt, and I !o'ldn.t 'pt hr +or th

li/ing !orld- %ith that +amily $'ryinggro'nd in )++ron and thm o+ hr $lood

!aiting +or hr thr, h.ll $ impatint- I promid my !ord m and th $oy

!o'ld gt hr thr 'i*( a m'l *o'ld !al( it, o h *o'ld rt 'it-8 H

r'$ hi hand on hi (n- 8No man /r mili(d it mor-88I+ /ry$ody !an.t $'rning hll to gt hr thr,8 )!l ay in that

harh, a/ag /oi*- 8%ith Cah all day long right 'ndr th !indo!, hammring

and a!ing at that8

8It !a hr !ih,8 pa ay- 8Yo' got no a++*tion nor gntln +or hr-

Yo' n/r had- % !o'ld $ $holdn to no man,8 h ay, 8m and hr- % ha/

n/r yt $n, and h !ill rt 'itr +or (no!ing it and that it !a hr o!n

$lood a!d o't th $oard and dro/ th nail- Sh !a /r on to *lan 'p

a+tr hrl+-8


6/82

BIt man thr dollar,8 I ay- 8Do yo' !ant ' to go, or not>8 :a r'$

hi (n- 8%ll $ $a*( $y tomorro! 'ndo!n-8

8%ll ---8 pa ay- H loo( o't o/r th land, a!ryhaird, mo'thing th

n'++ lo!ly againt, hi g'm-

8Com on,8 )!l ay- H go do!n th tp- ?rnon pit natly into

th d't-

8y 'ndo!n, no!,8 pa ay- 8I !o'ld not (p hr !aiting-8

)!l glan* $a*(, thn h go on aro'nd th ho'- I ntr th hall,

haring th /oi* $+or I ra*h th door- Tilting a littl do!n th hill, a

o'r ho' do, a $r4 dra! thro'gh th hall all th tim, 'planting- A

+athr droppd nar th +ront door !ill ri and $r'h along th *iling,

lanting $a*(!ard, 'ntil it ra*h th do!nt'rning *'rrnt at th $a*( door5

o !ith /oi*- A yo' ntr th hall, thy o'nd a tho'gh thy !r pa(ing

o't o+ th air a$o't yo'r had-

Cora

It !a th !tt thing I /r a!- It !a li( h (n! h !o'ld n/r hr

again, that An 'ndrn !a dri/ing him +rom hi mothr. dath $d, n/r to

hr in thi !orld again- I al!ay aid Darl !a di++rnt +rom tho othr-

I al!ay aid h !a th only on o+ thm that had hi mothr. nat'r, had any

nat'ral a++*tion- Not that )!l, th on h la$ord o to $ar and *oddldand pttd o and him +linging into tantr'm or 'l(ing pll, in/nting

d/ilmnt to d/il hr 'ntil I !o'ld ha/ traild him tim and tim- Not him to

*om and tll hr good$y- Not him to mi a *han* to ma( that 6tra thr

dollar at th pri* o+ hi mothr. good$y (i- A 'ndrn thro'gh and

thro'gh, lo/ing no$ody, *aring +or nothing 6*pt ho! to gt omthing !ith th

lat amo'nt o+ !or(- 7r T'll ay Darl a(d thm to !ait- H aid Darl almot

$ggd thm on hi (n not to +or* him to la/ hr in hr *ondition- 't

nothing !o'ld do $'t An and )!l m't ma( that thr dollar- No$ody that

(no! An *o'ld ha/ 6p*td di++rnt, $'t to thin( o+ that $oy, that )!l,

lling all tho yar o+ l+dnial and do!nright partialitythy *o'ldn.t

+ool m5 7r T'll ay 7r 'ndrn li(d )!l th lat o+ all, $'t I (n!

$ttr- I (n! h !a partial to him, to th am 'ality in him that lt hr

p't 'p !ith An 'ndrn !hn 7r T'll aid h o'ght to poiond him+or thr

dollar, dnying hi dying mothr th good$y (i-

%hy, +or th lat thr !( I ha/ $n *oming o/r /ry tim I *o'ld,

*oming omtim !hn I ho'ldn.t ha/, ngl*ting my o!n +amily and d'ti o

that om$ody !o'ld $ !ith hr in hr lat momnt and h !o'ld not ha/ to

+a* th Grat 8 I aid- 8Not on o+ thm !o'ld ha/

toppd hr, !ith /n that littl on almot old no'gh no! to $ l+ih and

tonhartd li( th rt o+ thm-8

8It !a hr o!n !ih,8 7r T'll aid- 8I hard An ay it !a-8

8And yo' !o'ld $li/ An, o+ *o'r,8 I aid- 8A man li( yo' !o'ld-

Dont tll m-8

8I.d $li/ him a$o't omthing h *o'ldn.t 6p*t to ma( anything o++

o+ m $y not tlling,8 7r T'll aid-


7/82

8Dont tll m,8 I aid- 8A !oman. pla* i !ith hr h'$and and *hildrn,

ali/ or dad- %o'ld yo' 6p*t m to !ant to go $a*( to Ala$ama and la/ yo'

and th girl !hn my tim *om, that I l+t o+ my o!n !ill to *at my lot !ith

yo'r +or $ttr and !or, 'ntil dath and a+tr>8

8%ll, +ol( ar di++rnt,8 h aid-

I ho'ld hop o- I ha/ trid to li/ right in th ight o+ God and man,

+or th honor and *om+ort o+ my Chritian h'$and and th lo/ and rp*t o+ my

Chritian *hildrn- So that !hn I lay m do!n in th *on*io'n o+ my d'ty

and r!ard I !ill $ 'rro'ndd $y lo/ing +a*, *arrying th +ar!ll (i o+

a*h o+ my lo/d on into my r!ard- Not li( Addi 'ndrn dying alon, hiding

hr prid and hr $ro(n hart- Glad to go- Lying thr !ith hr had proppd 'p

o h *o'ld !at*h Cah $'ilding th *o++in, ha/ing to !at*h him o h !o'ld not

(imp on it, li( a not, !ith tho mn not !orrying a$o't anything 6*pt i+

thr !a tim to arn anothr thr dollar $+or th rain *om and th ri/r

got too high to gt a*ro it- Li( a not, i+ thy hadn.t d*idd to ma( that

lat load, thy !o'ld ha/ loadd hr into th !agon on a 'ilt and *rod th

ri/r +irt and thn toppd and gi/ hr tim to di !hat Chritian dath thy

!o'ld lt hr-

=6*pt Darl- It !a th !tt thing I /r a!- Somtim I lo +aith

in h'man nat'r +or a tim@ I am aaild $y do'$t- 't al!ay th Lord rtor

my +aith and r/al to m Hi $o'nto' lo/ +or Hi *rat'r- Not )!l, thon h had al!ay *hrihd, not him- H !a a+tr that thr 6tra dollar- It

!a Darl, th on that +ol( ay i 'r, la4y, pottring a$o't th pla* no

$ttr than An, !ith Cah a good *arpntr and al!ay mor $'ilding than h

*an gt aro'nd to, and )!l al!ay doing omthing that mad him om mony or

got him tal(d a$o't, and that narna(d girl al!ay tanding o/r Addi !ith a

+an o that /ry tim a $ody trid to tal( to hr and *hr hr 'p, !o'ld

an!r +or hr right 'i*(, li( h !a trying to (p any$ody +rom *oming nar

hr at all-

It !a Darl- H *om to th door and tood thr, loo(ing at hi dying

mothr- H 2't loo(d at hr, and I +lt th $o'nto' lo/ o+ th Lord again

and Hi mr*y- I a! that !ith )!l h had 2't $n prtnding, $'t that it

!a $t!n hr and Darl that th 'ndrtanding and th tr' lo/ !a- H 2't

loo(d at hr, not /n *oming in !hr h *o'ld him and gt 'pt, (no!ing

that An !a dri/ing him a!ay and h !o'ld n/r hr again- H aid

nothing, 2't loo(ing at hr-

8%hat yo' !ant, Darl>8 D!y Dll aid, not topping th +an, pa(ing 'p

'i*(, (ping /n him +rom hr- H didn.t an!r- H 2't tood and loo(d at

hi dying mothr, hi hart too +'ll +or !ord-

D!y Dll

Th +irt tim m and La+ pi*(d on do!n th ro!- :a dant !at $*a' h

!ill *at*h hi dath +rom th i*(n o /ry$ody that *om to hlp '- And

)!l dont *ar a$o't anything h i not (in to ' in *aring, not *ar(in- And

Cah li( a!ing th long hot ad yllo! day 'p into plan( and nailing thm to

omthing- And pa thin( $*a' nigh$or !ill al!ay trat on anothr that

!ay $*a' h ha al!ay $n too $'y ltting nigh$or do +or him to +ind

o't- And I did not thin( that Darl !o'ld, that it at th 'ppr ta$l !ith hiy gon +'rthr than th +ood and th lamp, +'ll o+ th land d'g o't o+ hi

('ll and th hol +illd !ith ditan* $yond th land-

% pi*(d on do!n th ro!, th !ood gtting *lor and *lor and th

*rt had, pi*(ing on into th *rt had !ith my a*( and La+. a*(-

*a' I aid !ill I or !ont I !hn th a*( !a hal+ +'ll $*a' I aid i+

th a*( i +'ll !hn ! gt to th !ood it !ont $ m- I aid i+ it dont man

+or m to do it th a*( !ill not $ +'ll and I !ill t'rn 'p th n6t ro! $'t i+

th a*( i +'ll, I *annot hlp it- It !ill $ that I had to do it all th tim

and I *annot hlp it- And ! pi*(d on to!ard th *rt had and o'r y


8/82

!o'ld dro!n togthr to'*hing on hi hand and my hand and I didn.t ay

anything- I aid 8%hat ar yo' doing>8 and h aid 8I am pi*(ing into yo'r

a*(-8 And o it !a +'ll !hn ! *am to th nd o+ th ro! and I *o'ld not

hlp it-

And o it !a $*a' I *o'ld not hlp it- It !a thn, and thn I a!

Darl and h (n!- H aid h (n! !itho't th !ord li( h told m that ma i

going to di !itho't !ord, and I (n! h (n! $*a' i+ h had aid h (n!

!ith th !ord I !o'ld not ha/ $li/d that h had $n thr and a! '- 't

h aid h did (no! and I aid 8Ar yo' going to tll pa ar yo' going to (ill

him>8 !itho't th !ord I aid it and h aid 8%hy>8 !itho't th !ord- And

that. !hy I *an tal( to him !ith (no!ing !ith hating $*a' h (no!-

H tand in th door, loo(ing at hr-

8%hat yo' !ant, Darl>8 I ay-

8Sh i going to di,8 h ay- And old t'r(y$'44ard T'll *oming to

!at*h hr di $'t I *an +ool thm-

8%hn i h going to di>8 I ay-

8+or ! gt $a*(,8 h ay-

8Thn !hy ar yo' ta(ing )!l>8 I ay-

8I !ant him to hlp m load,8 h ay-

T'llAn (p on r'$$ing hi (n- Hi o/rall ar +add@ on on (n a rg

pat*h *'t o't o+ a pair o+ S'nday pant, !or ironli*(- 8No man mili( it

mor than m,8 h ay-

8A +llo!. got to g' ahad no! and thn,8 I ay- 8't, *om long and

hort, it !ont $ no harm don nithr !ay-8

8Sh.ll !ant to gt tartd right o++,8 h ay- 8It. +ar no'gh to

)++ron at $t-8

8't th road i good no!,8 I ay- It. +i6ing to rain tonight, too- Hi

+ol( $'ri at N! Hop, too, not thr mil a!ay- 't it. 2't li( him to

marry a !oman $orn a day. hard rid a!ay and ha/ hr di on him-

H loo( o't o/r th land, r'$$ing hi (n- 8No man o mili( it,8 h

ay-

8Thy.ll gt $a*( in plnty o+ tim,8 I ay- 8I !o'ldn.t !orry non-8

8It man thr dollar,8 h ay-

87ight $ it !ont $ no nd +or thm to r'h $a*(, no!ay,8 I ay- 8I

hop it-8

8Sh. agoing,8 h ay- 8Hr mind i t on it-8

It. a hard li+ on !omn, +or a +a*t- Som !omn- I mind my mammy li/d

to $ /nty and mor- %or(d /ry day, rain or hin@ n/r a i*( day in*

hr lat *hap !a $orn 'ntil on day h (ind o+ loo(d aro'nd hr and thn h

!nt and ta(n that la*trimmd night go!n h had had +orty+i/ yar and

n/r !or o't o+ th *ht and p't it on and laid do!n on th $d and p'lld

th *o/r 'p and h't hr y- 8Yo' all !ill ha/ to loo( o't +or pa th $t

yo' *an,8 h aid- 8I.m tird-8

An r'$ hi hand on hi (n- 8Th Lord gi/th,8 h ay- % *an har

Cah ahammring and a!ing $yond th *ornr-

It. tr'- N/r a tr'r $rath !a /r $rathd- 8Th Lord gi/th,8 Iay-

That $oy *om 'p th hill- H i *arrying a +ih nigh long a h i- H

ling it to th gro'nd and gr'nt 8Hah8 and pit o/r hi ho'ldr li( a man-

D'rn nigh long a h i-

8%hat. that>8 I ay- 8A hog> %hr.d yo' gt it>8

8Do!n to th $ridg,8 h ay- H t'rn it o/r, th 'ndr id *a(d o/r

!ith d't !hr it i !t, th y *oatd o/r, h'mpd 'ndr th dirt-

8Ar yo' aiming to la/ it laying thr>8 An ay-


9/82

8I aim to ho! it to ma,8 ?ardaman ay- H loo( to!ard th door- % *an

har th tal(ing, *oming o't on th dra+t- Cah, too, (no*(ing and hammring at

th $oard- 8Thr. *ompany in thr,8 h ay-

8)'t my +ol(,8 I ay- 8Thy.d n2oy to it too-8

H ay nothing, !at*hing th door- Thn h loo( do!n at th +ih laying

in th d't- H t'rn it o/r !ith hi +oot and prod at th y$'mp !ith hi

to, go'ging at it- An i loo(ing o't o/r th land- ?ardaman loo( at An.

+a*, thn at th door- H t'rn, going to!ard th *ornr o+ th ho', !hn

An *all him !itho't loo(ing aro'nd-

8Yo' *lan that +ih,8 An ay- ?ardaman top- 8%hy *ant D!y Dll

*lan it>8 h ay-

8Yo' *lan that +ih,8 An ay-

8A!, pa,8 ?ardaman ay-

8Yo' *lan it,8 An ay- H dont loo( aro'nd- ?ardaman *om $a*( and

pi*( 'p th +ih- It lid o't o+ hi hand, maring !t dirt onto him, and

+lop do!n, dirtying itl+ again, gapmo'thd, gogglyd, hiding into th d't

li( it !a ahamd o+ $ing dad, li( it !a in a h'rry to gt $a*( hid

again-. ?ardaman *' it- H *' it li( a gro!n man, tanding atraddl

o+ it- An dont loo( aro'nd- ?ardaman pi*( it 'p again- H go on aro'nd th

ho', toting it in $oth arm li( a arm+'l o+ !ood, it o/rlapping him on $oth

nd, had and tail- D'rn nigh $ig a h i-An. !rit dangl o't o+ hi l/5 I n/r him !ith a hirt on

that loo(d li( it !a hi in all my li+- Thy all loo(d li( )!l might

ha/ gi/ him hi old on- Not )!l, tho'gh- H. longarmd, /n i+ h i

pindling- =6*pt +or th la*( o+ !at- Yo' *o'ld tll thy aint $n no$ody

l. $'t An. that !ay !itho't no mita(- Hi y loo( li( pi* o+

$'rnto't *indr +i6d in hi +a*, loo(ing o't o/r th land-

%hn th hado! to'*h th tp h ay 8It +i/ o*lo*(-8

)'t a I gt 'p Cora *om to th door and ay it. tim to gt on- An

ra*h +or hi ho- 8No!, 7r 'ndrn,8 Cora ay, 8dont yo' gt 'p no!-8 H

p't hi ho on, tomping into thm, li( h do /rything, li( h i

hoping all th tim h rally *ant do it and *an 'it trying to- %hn ! go 'p

th hall ! *an har thm *l'mping on th +loor li( thy !a iron ho- H

*om to!ard th door !hr h i, $lin(ing hi y, (ind o+ loo(ing ahad o+

hil+ $+or h , li( h i hoping to +ind hr tting 'p, in a *hair

may$ or may$ !ping, and loo( into th door in that 'rprid !ay li( h

loo( in and +ind hr till in $d /ry tim and D!y Dll till a+anning

hr !ith th +an- H tand thr, li( h dont aim to mo/ again nor nothing

l-

8%ll, I r*(on ! $ttr gt on,8 Cora ay- 8I got to +d th

*hi*(n-8 It. +i6ing to rain, too- Clo'd li( that dont li, and th *otton

ma(ing /ry day th Lord nd- That.ll $ omthing l +or him- Cah i

till trimming at th $oard- 8I+ thr. r a thing ! *an do,8 Cora ay-

8Anll lt ' (no!,8 I ay-

An dont loo( at '- H loo( aro'nd, $lin(ing, in that 'rprid !ay,

li( h had !or hil+ do!n $ing 'rprid and !a /n 'rprid at that- I+

Cah 2't !or( that *ar+'l on my $arn-

8I told An it li(ly !ont $ no nd,8 I ay- 8I o hop it-88Hr mind i t on it,8 h ay- 8I r*(on h. $o'nd to go-8

8It *om to all o+ ',8 Cora ay- 8Lt th Lord *om+ort yo'-8

8A$o't that *orn,8 I ay- I tll him again I !ill hlp him o't i+ h gt

into a tight, !ith hr i*( and all- Li( mot +ol( aro'nd hr, I don holp

him o m'*h alrady I *ant 'it no!-

8I aimd to gt to it today,8 h ay- 8Sm li( I *ant gt my mind on

nothing-8

87ay$ h.ll hold o't till yo' ar laid$y,8 I ay-

8I+ God !ill it,8 h ay-


10/82


11/82

and hi y till +'ll o+ th land, that thy $g'n to thratn m o't o+ him,

trying to horthand m !ith th la!-

7a(ing m pay +or it- Sh !a !ll and hal a r a !oman /r !r,

6*pt +or that road- )'t laying do!n, rting hrl+ in hr o!n $d, a(ing

na'ght o+ non- 8Ar yo' i*(, Addi>8 I aid-

8I am not i*(,8 h aid-

8Yo' lay yo' do!n and rt yo',8 I aid- 8I (no!d yo' ar not i*(-

Yo'.r 2't tird- Yo' lay yo' do!n and rt-8

8I am not i*(,8 h aid- 8I !ill gt 'p-8

8Lay till and rt,8 I aid- .Yo' ar 2't tird- Yo' *an gt 'p

tomorro!-8 And h !a laying thr, !ll and hal a r a !oman /r !r,

6*pt +or that road-

8I n/r nt +or yo',8 I aid- 8I ta( yo' to !itn I n/r nt +or

yo'-8

8I (no! yo' didn.t,8 :a$ody aid- 8I $o'nd that- %hr i h>8

8Sh. alaying do!n,8 I aid- 8Sh. 2't a littl tird, $'t h.ll8

8Gt o'tn hr, An,8 h aid- 8Go t on th por*h a !hil-8

And no! I got to pay +or it, m !itho't a tooth in my had, hoping to gt

ahad no'gh o I *o'ld gt my mo'th +i6d !hr I *o'ld at God. o!n /i*t'al

a a man ho'ld, and hr hal and !ll a r a !oman in th land 'ntil that

day- Got to pay +or $ing p't to th nd o+ that thr dollar- Got to pay +orth !ay +or thm $oy to ha/ to go a!ay to arn it- And no! I *an am a

*ond ight th rain h'tting do!n $t!i6t ', a*oming 'p that road li( a

d'rn man, li( it !ant r a othr ho' to rain on in all th li/ing land-

I ha/ hard mn *' thir l'*(, and right, +or thy !r in+'l mn- 't

I do not ay it. a *'r on m, $*a' I ha/ don no !rong to $ *'d $y- I

am not rligio', I r*(on- 't pa* i my hart5 I (no! it i- I ha/ don

thing $'t nithr $ttr nor !or than thm that prtnd othrli(, and I (no!

that Old 7artr !ill *ar +or m a +or r a parro! that +all- 't it m

hard that a man in hi nd *o'ld $ o +lo'td $y a road-

?ardaman *om aro'nd th ho', $loody a a hog to hi (n, and that

r +ih *hoppd 'p !ith th a6 li( a not, or may$ thro!d a!ay +or him to

li a$o't th dog t it- %ll, I r*(on I aint no *all to 6p*t no mor o+ him

than o+ hi mangro!d $rothr- H *om along, !at*hing th ho', 'it, and

it on th tp- 8%h!,8 h ay, 8I.m p'r tird-8

8Go !ah thm hand,8 I ay- 't *o'ldn.t no !oman tro/ hardr than

Addi to ma( thm right, man and $oy5 Ill ay that +or hr-

8It !a +'ll o+ $lood and g't a a hog,8 h ay- 't I 2't *ant m to

gt no hart into anything, !ith thi hr !athr apping m, too- 8:a,8 h

ay, 8i ma i*( om mor>8

8Go !ah thm hand,8 I ay- 't I 2't *ant m to gt no hart into it-

Darl

H ha $n to to!n thi !(5 th $a*( o+ hi n*( i trimmd *lo, !ith a

!hit lin $t!n hair and 'n$'rn li( a 2oint o+ !hit $on- H ha not on*

loo(d $a*(-

8)!l,8 I ay- a*( r'nning, t'nnlld $t!n th t!o t o+ $o$$ing

m'l ar, th road /anih $nath th !agon a tho'gh it !r a ri$$on andth +ront a6l !r a pool- 8Do yo' (no! h i going to di, )!l>8

It ta( t!o popl to ma( yo', and on popl to di- That. ho! th

!orld i going to nd-

I aid to D!y Dll5 8Yo' !ant hr to di o yo' *an gt to to!n5 i that

it>8 Sh !o'ldn.t ay !hat ! $oth (n!- 8Th raon yo' !ill not ay it i,

!hn yo' ay it, /n to yo'rl+, yo' !ill (no! it i tr'5 i that it> 't yo'

(no! it i tr' no!- I *an almot tll yo' th day !hn yo' (n! it i tr'- %hy

!ont yo' ay it, /n to yo'rl+>8 Sh !ill not ay it- Sh 2't (p on

aying Ar yo' going to tll pa> Ar yo' going to (ill him> 8Yo' *annot $li/


12/82

it i tr' $*a' yo' *annot $li/ that D!y Dll, D!y Dll 'ndrn, *o'ld

ha/ '*h $ad l'*(5 i that it>8

Th 'n, an ho'r a$o/ th hori4on, i poid li( a $loody gg 'pon a

*rt o+ th'ndrhad@ th light ha t'rnd *oppr5 in th y portnto', in

th no 'lph'ro', mlling o+ lightning- %hn :a$ody *om, thy !ill ha/

to ' th rop- H ha p'lg'ttd himl+ ating *old grn- %ith th rop

thy !ill ha'l him 'p th path, $alloonli( 'p th 'lph'ro' air-

8)!l,8 I ay, 8do yo' (no! that Addi 'ndrn i going to di> Addi

'ndrn i going to di>8

:a$ody

%hn An +inally nt +or m o+ hi o!n a**ord, I aid 8H ha !or hr o't at

lat-8 And I aid a damn good thing, and at +irt I !o'ld not go $*a' thr

might $ omthing I *o'ld do and I !o'ld ha/ to ha'l hr $a*(, $y God- I

tho'ght may$ thy ha/ th am ort o+ +ool thi* in ha/n thy ha/ in th

7di*al Collg and that it !a may$ ?rnon l'll nding +or m again, gtting

m thr in th ni*( o+ tim, a ?rnom al!ay do thing, gtting th mot +or

An. mony li( h do +or hi o!n- 't !hn it got +ar no'gh into th day

+or m to rad !athr ign I (n! it *o'ldn.t ha/ $n any$ody $'t An that

nt- I (n! that no$ody $'t a l'*(l man *o'ld /r nd a do*tor in th +a*

o+ a *y*lon- And I (n! that i+ it had +inally o**'rrd to An himl+ that hndd on, it !a alrady too lat-

%hn I ra*h th pring and gt do!n and hit*h th tam, th 'n ha gon

do!n $hind a $an( o+ $la*( *lo'd li( a topha/y mo'ntain rang, li( a load o+

*indr d'mpd o/r thr, and thr i no !ind- I *o'ld har Cah a!ing +or a

mil $+or I got thr- An i tanding at th top o+ th $l'++ a$o/ th

path-

8%hr. th hor>8 I ay-

8)!l. ta(n and gon,8 h ay- 8Cant no$ody l (t*h hit- Yo'.ll

ha/ to !al( 'p, I r*(on-8

87, !al( 'p, !ighing t!o h'ndrd and t!nty+i/ po'nd>8 I ay- 8%al(

'p that d'rn !all>8 H tand thr $id a tr- Too $ad th Lord mad th

mita( o+ gi/ing tr root and gi/ing th An 'ndrn H ma( +t and

lg- I+ H.d 2't !appd thm, thr !o'ldn.t /r $ a !orry a$o't thi

*o'ntry $ing d+ortd omday- Or any othr *o'ntry- 8%hat do yo' aim +or m

to do>8 I ay- 8Stay hr and gt $lo!d *lan o't -o+ th *o'nty !hn that

*lo'd $ra(>8 =/n !ith th hor it !o'ld ta( m +i+tn min't to rid 'p

a*ro th pat'r to th top o+ th ridg and ra*h th ho'- Th path loo(

li( a *roo(d lim$ $lo!n againt th $l'++- An ha not $n in to!n in t!l/

yar- And ho! hi mothr /r got 'p thr to $ar him, h $ing hi mothr.

on-

8?ardaman. gittin th rop,8 h ay-

A+tr a !hil ?ardaman appar !ith th plo!lin- H gi/ th nd o+ it

to An and *om do!n th path, 'n*oiling it-

8Yo' hold it tight,8 I ay- 8I don alrady !rot thi /iit onto my

$oo(, o I.m going to *harg yo' 2't th am, !hthr I gt thr or not-8

8I got hit,8 An ay- 8Yo' (in *om on 'p-8

I.ll $ damnd i+ I *an !hy I dont 'it- A man /nty yar old,!ighing t!o h'ndrd and odd po'nd, $ing ha'ld 'p and do!n a damn mo'ntain on

a rop- I r*(on it. $*a' I m't ra*h th +i+ty tho'and dollar mar( o+

dad a**o'nt on my $oo( $+or I *an 'it- 8%hat th hll do yo'r !i+

man,8 I ay, 8ta(ing i*( on top o+ a d'rn mo'ntain>8

8I.m right orry,8 h ay- H lt th rop go, 2't droppd it, and h

ha t'rnd to!ard th ho'- Thr i a littl daylight 'p hr till, o+ th

*olor o+ 'lph'r mat*h- Th $oard loo( li( trip o+ 'lph'r- Cah do not

loo( $a*(- ?rnon T'll ay h $ring a*h , $oard 'p to th !indo! +or hr to


13/82

it and ay it i all right- Th $oy o/rta( '- An loo( $a*( at him-

8%hr. th rop>8 h ay-

8It. !hr yo' l+t it,8 I ay- 8't n/r yo' mind that rop- I got to

gt $a*( do!n that $l'++- I dont aim +or that torm to *at*h m 'p hr- Id

$lo! too d'rn +ar on* I got tartd-8

Th girl i tanding $y th $d, +anning hr- %hn ! ntr h t'rn hr

had and loo( at '- Sh ha $n dad th tn day- I 'ppo it. ha/ing

$n a part o+ An +or o long that h *annot /n ma( that *hang, i+ *hang

it $- I *an rmm$r ho! !hn I !a yo'ng I $li/d dath to $ a phnomnon

o+ th $ody@ no! I (no! it to $ mrly a +'n*tion o+ th mind and that o+ th

mind o+ th on !ho '++r th $ra/mnt- Th nihilit ay it i th nd@

th +'ndamntalit, th $ginning@ !hn in rality it i no mor than a ingl

tnant or +amily mo/ing o't o+ a tnmnt or a to!n-

Sh loo( at '- Only hr y m to mo/- It. li( thy to'*h ', not

!ith ight or n, $'t li( th tram +rom a ho to'*h yo', th tram at

th intant o+ impa*t a dio*iatd +rom th no44l a tho'gh it had n/r $n

thr- Sh do not loo( at An at all- Sh loo( at m, thn at th $oy-

nath th 'ilt h i no mor than a $'ndl o+ rottn ti*(-

8%ll, 7i Addi,8 I ay- Th girl do not top th +an- 8Ho! ar yo',

itr>8 I ay- Hr had li ga'nt on th pillo!, loo(ing at th $oy- 8Yo'

pi*(d o't a +in tim to gt m o't hr and $ring 'p a torm-8 Thn I ndAn and th $oy o't- Sh !at*h th $oy a h la/ th room- Sh ha not

mo/d a/ hr y-

H and An ar on th por*h !hn I *om o't, th $oy itting on th

tp, An tanding $y a pot, not /n laning againt it, hi arm dangling,

th hair p'hd and mattd 'p on hi had li( a dippd rootr- H t'rn hi

had, $lin(ing at m-

8%hy didn.t yo' nd +or m oonr>8 I ay-

8Hit !a 2t on thing and thn anothr,8 h ay- .That r *orn m and th

$oy !a aimin to git 'p !ith, and D!y Dll ata(in good (r o+ hr, and

+ol( *omin in, ao++rin to hlp and i*h, till I 2t tho'ght - - -8

8Damn th mony,8 I ay- 8Did yo' /r har o+ m !orrying a +llo! $+or

h !a rady to pay>8

8Hit aint $gr'dgin th mony,8 h ay- 8I 2t (pt athin(in - - -

Sh. goin, i h>8 Th d'rn littl ty( i itting on th top tp, loo(ing

mallr than /r in th 'lph'r*olord light- That. th on tro'$l !ith thi

*o'ntry5 /rything, !athr, all, hang on too long- Li( o'r ri/r, o'r land5

opa', lo!, /iolnt@ haping and *rating th 7 o+ man in it impla*a$l and

$rooding imag- 8I (no!d hit,8 An ay- 8All th !hil I mad ho- Hr mind

i ot on hit-8

8And a damn good thing, too,8 I ay- 8%ith a tri+ling8 H it on th

top tp, mall, motionl in +add o/rall- %hn I *am o't h loo(d 'p at

m, thn at An- 't no! h ha toppd loo(ing at '- H 2't it thr-

8Ha/ yo' told hr yit>8 An ay-

8%hat +or>8 I ay- 8%hat th d/il +or>8

8Shll (no! hit- I (no!d that !hn h yo' h !o'ld (no! hit, am

a !riting- Yo' !o'ldn.t nd to tll hr- Hr mind8

hind ' th girl ay, 8:a!-8 I loo( at hr, at hr +a*-8Yo' $ttr go 'i*(,8 I ay-

%hn ! ntr th room h i !at*hing th door- Sh loo( at m- Hr y

loo( li( lamp $laring 'p 2't $+or th oil i gon- 8Sh !ant yo' to go

o't,8 th girl ay-

8No!, Addi,8 An ay, 8!hn h *om all th !ay +rom )++ron to git

yo' !ll>8 Sh !at*h m5 I *an +l hr y- It. li( h !a ho/ing at m

!ith thm- I ha/ n it $+or in !omn- Sn thm dri/ +rom th room thm

*oming !ith ympathy and pity, !ith a*t'al hlp, and *linging to om tri+ling

animal to !hom thy n/r !r mor than pa*(hor- That. !hat thy man $y


14/82

th lo/ that path 'ndrtanding5 that prid, that +'rio' dir to hid

that a$2*t na(dn !hi*h ! $ring hr !ith ', *arry !ith ' into oprating

room, *arry t'$$ornly and +'rio'ly !ith ' into th arth again- I la/ th

room- yond th por*h Cah. a! nor tadily into th $oard- A min't latr

h *all hi nam, hr /oi* harh and trong-

8Cah,8 h ay@ 8yo', Cah8

Darl

:a tand $id th $d- &rom $hind hi lg ?ardaman pr, !ith hi ro'nd

had and hi y ro'nd and hi mo'th $ginning to opn- Sh loo( at pa@ all

hr +ailing li+ appar to drain into hr y, 'rgnt, irrmdia$l- 8It.

)!l h !ant,8 D!y Dll ay-

8%hy, Addl,8 pa ay, 8him and Darl !nt to ma( on mor load- Thy

tho'ght thr !a tim- That yo' !o'ld !ait +or thm, and that thr dollar and

all- - - -8 H toop laying hi hand on hr- &or a !hil yt h loo( at him,

!itho't rproa*h, !itho't anything at all, a i+ hr y alon ar litning to

th irr/o*a$l *ation o+ hi /oi*- Thn h rai hrl+, !ho ha not

mo/d in tn day- D!y Dll lan do!n, trying to pr hr $a*(-

87a,8 h ay@ 8ma-8

Sh i loo(ing o't th !indo!, at Cah tooping tadily at th $oard in

th +ailing light, la$oring on to!ard dar(n and into it a tho'gh thtro(ing o+ th a! ill'mind it o!n motion, $oard and a! ngndrd-

8Yo', Cah,8 h ho't, hr /oi* harh, trong, and 'nimpaird- 8Yo',

Cah8

H loo( 'p at th ga'nt +a* +ramd $y th !indo! in th t!ilight- It i

a *ompoit pi*t'r o+ all tim in* h !a a *hild- H drop th a! and li+t

th $oard +or hr to , !at*hing th !indo! in !hi*h th +a* ha not mo/d-

H drag a *ond plan( into poition and lant th t!o o+ thm into thir

+inal 2'6tapoition, gt'ring to!ard th on yt on th gro'nd, haping !ith

hi mpty hand in pantomim th +inihd $o6- &or a !hil till h loo( do!n

at him +rom th *ompoit pi*t'r, nithr !ith *n'r nor appro$ation- Thn

th +a* diappar-

Sh li $a*( and t'rn hr had !itho't o m'*h a glan*ing at pa- Sh

loo( at ?ardaman@ hr y, th li+ in thm, r'hing 'ddnly 'pon thm@ th

t!o +lam glar 'p +or a tady intant- Thn thy go o't a tho'gh omon had

land do!n and $lo!n 'pon thm-

87a,8 D!y Dll ay@ 8ma8 Laning a$o/ th $d, hr hand li+td a

littl, th +an till mo/ing li( it ha +or tn day, h $gin to (n- Hr

/oi* i trong, yo'ng, trm'lo' and *lar, rapt !ith it o!n tim$r and

/ol'm, th +an till mo/ing tadily 'p and do!n, !hipring th 'l air-

Thn h +ling hrl+ a*ro Addl 'ndrn. (n, *l't*hing hr, ha(ing hr

!ith th +'rio' trngth o+ th yo'ng $+or pra!ling 'ddnly a*ro th

hand+'l o+ rottn $on that Addi 'ndrn l+t, 2arring th !hol $d into a

*hattring i$ilan* o+ mattr h'*(, hr arm o't+l'ng and th +an in on

hand till $ating !ith 6piring $rath into th 'ilt-

&rom $hind pa. lg ?ardaman pr, hi mo'th +'ll opn and all *olor

draining +rom hi +a* into hi mo'th, a tho'gh h ha $y om man +lhd

hi o!n tth in himl+, '*(ing- H $gin to mo/ lo!ly $a*(!ard +rom th$d, hi y ro'nd, hi pal +a* +ading into th d'( li( a pi* o+ papr

patd on a +ailing !all, and o o't o+ th door-

:a lan a$o/ th $d in th t!ilight, hi h'mpd ilho'tt parta(ing o+

that o!lli( 'ality o+ a!ry+athrd, digr'ntld o'trag !ithin !hi*h l'r(

a !idom too pro+o'nd or too inrt +or /n tho'ght-

8D'rn thm $oy,8 h ay-

Jewel, I say. Overhead the day drives level and gray, hiding the sun by a

flight of gray spears. In the rain the mules smoke a little, splashed yellow

with mud, the off one clinging in sliding lunges to the side of the road above


15/82

the ditch. The tilted lumber gleams dull yellow, water-soaked and heavy as

lead, tilted at a steep angle into the ditch above the broken wheel; about the

shattered spokes and about Jewels, ankles a runnel of yellow neither water nor

earth swirls, curving with the yellow road neither of earth nor water, down the

hill dissolving into a streaming mass of dark green neither of earth nor sky.

Jewel, I say

Cah *om to th door, *arrying th a!- :a tand $id th $d,

h'mpd, hi arm dangling- H t'rn hi had, hi ha$$y pro+il, hi *hin

*ollaping lo!ly a h !or( th n'++ againt hi g'm-

8Sh. gon,8 Cah ay-

8Sh ta(n and l+t ',8 pa ay- Cah do not loo( at him- 8Ho! nigh ar

yo' don>8 pa ay- Cah do not an!r- H ntr, *arrying th a!- 8I r*(on

yo' $ttr gt at it,8 pa ay- 8Yo'.ll ha/ to do th $t yo' *an, !ith thm

$oy gon o++ thata!ay-8 Cah loo( do!n at hr +a*- H i not litning to

pa at all- H do not approa*h th $d- H top in th middl o+ th +loor,

th a! againt hi lg, hi !ating arm po!drd lightly !ith a!d't, hi

+a* *ompod- 8I+ yo' gt in a tight, may$ om o+ thmll gt hr tomorro!

and hlp yo',8 pa ay- 8?rnon *o'ld-8 Cah i not litning- H i loo(ing

do!n at hr pa*+'l, rigid +a* +ading into th d'( a tho'gh dar(n !r a

pr*'ror o+ th 'ltimat arth, 'ntil at lat th +a* m to +loat dta*hd

'pon it, lightly a th r+l*tion o+ a dad la+- 8Thr i Chritian no'ghto hlp yo',8 pa ay- Cah i not litning- A+tr a !hil h t'rn !itho't

loo(ing at pa and la/ th room- Thn th a! $gin to nor again- 8Thy

!ill hlp ' in o'r orro!,8 pa ay-

Th o'nd o+ th a! i tady, *omptnt, 'nh'rrid, tirring th dying

light o that at a*h tro( hr +a* m to !a( a littl into an 6prion

o+ litning and o+ !aiting, a tho'gh h !r *o'nting th tro(- :a loo(

do!n at th +a*, at th $la*( pra!l o+ D!y Dll. hair, th o't+l'ng arm,

th *l't*hd +an no! motionl on th +ading 'ilt- 8I r*(on yo' $ttr gt

'ppr on,8 h ay-

D!y Dll do not mo/-

8Git 'p, no!, and p't 'ppr on,8 pa ay- 8% got to (p o'r trngth

'p- I r*(on Do*tor :a$ody. right h'ngry, *oming all thi !ay- And Cah.ll

nd to at 'i*( and gt $a*( to !or( o h *an +inih it in tim-8

D!y Dll ri, ha/ing to hr +t- Sh loo( do!n at th +a*- It i

li( a *ating o+ +ading $ron4 'pon th pillo!, th hand alon till !ith any

m$lan* o+ li+5 a *'rld, gnarld inptn@ a pnt yt alrt 'ality +rom

!hi*h !arin, 6ha'tion, tra/ail ha not yt dpartd, a tho'gh thy

do'$td /n yt th a*t'ality o+ rt, g'arding !ith hornd and pn'rio'

alrtn th *ation !hi*h thy (no! *annot lat-

D!y Dll toop and lid th 'ilt +rom $nath thm and dra! it 'p

o/r thm to th *hin, moothing it do!n, dra!ing it mooth- Thn !itho't

loo(ing at pa h go aro'nd th $d and la/ th room-

!he will go out where "eabody is, where she can stand in the twilight and

look at his back with such an e#pression that, feeling her eyes and turning, he

will say$ I would not let it grieve me, now. !he was old, and sick too.

!uffering more than we knew. !he couldnt have got well. %ardamans getting big

now, and with you to take good care of them all. I would try not to let itgrieve me. I e#pect youd better go and get some supper ready. It dont have to

be much. &ut theyll need to eat, and she looking at him, saying 'ou could do

so much for me if you (ust would. If you (ust knew. I am I and you are you and

I know it and you dont know it and you could do so much for me if you (ust

would and if you (ust would then I could tell you and then nobody would have to

know it e#cept you and me and )arl

:a tand o/r th $d, danglarmd, h'mpd, motionl- H rai hi

hand to hi had, *o'ring hi hair, litning to th a!- H *om narr and

r'$ hi hand, palm and $a*(, on hi thigh and lay it on hr +a* and thn on


16/82

th h'mp o+ 'ilt !hr hr hand ar- H to'*h th 'ilt a h a! D!y Dll

do, trying to mooth it 'p to th *hin, $'t diarranging it intad- H tri

to mooth it again, *l'mily, hi hand a!(!ard a a *la!, moothing at th

!rin(l !hi*h h mad and !hi*h *ontin' to mrg $nath hi hand !ith

pr/r '$i'ity, o that at lat h dit, hi hand +alling to hi id and

tro(ing itl+ again, palm and $a*(, on hi thigh- Th o'nd o+ th a! nor

tadily into th room- :a $rath !ith a 'it, raping o'nd, mo'thing th

n'++ againt hi g'm- 8God. !ill $ don,8 h ay- 8No! I *an gt thm

tth-8

Jewels hat droops limp about his neck, channelling water onto the soaked

towsack tied about his shoulders as, ankle-deep in the running ditch, he pries

with a slipping two-by-four, with a piece of rotting log for fulcrum, at the

a#le. Jewel, I say, she is dead, Jewel. *ddie &undren is dead

?ardaman

Thn I $gin to r'n- I r'n to!ard th $a*( and *om to th dg o+ th por*h and

top- Thn I $gin to *ry- I *an +l !hr th +ih !a in th d't- It i *'t

'p into pi* o+ not+ih no!, not$lood on my hand and o/rall- Thn it

!an.t o- It hadn.t happnd thn- And no! h i gtting o +ar ahad I *annot

*at*h hr-

Th tr loo( li( *hi*(n !hn thy r'++l o't into th *ool d't onth hot day- I+ I 2'mp o++ th por*h I !ill $ !hr th +ih !a, and it all

*'t 'p into not+ih no!- I *an har th $d and hr +a* and thm and I *an

+l th +loor ha( !hn h !al( on it that *am and did it- That *am and did

it !hn h !a all right $'t h *am and did it-

8Th +at on o+ a $it*h-8

I 2'mp +rom th por*h, r'nning- Th top o+ th $arn *om !ooping 'p o't

o+ th t!ilight- I+ I 2'mp I *an go thro'gh it li( th pin( lady in th *ir*',

into th !arm mlling, !itho't ha/ing to !ait 7y hand gra$ at th $'h@

$nath my +t th ro*( and dirt go r'$$ling do!n-

Thn I *an $rath again, in th !arm mlling- I ntr th tall, trying

to to'*h him, and thn I *an *ry thn I /omit th *rying- A oon a h gt

thro'gh, (i*(ing I *an and thn I *an *ry, th *rying *an-

8H (ilt hr- H (ilt hr-8

Th li+ in him r'n 'ndr th (in, 'ndr my hand, r'nning thro'gh th

plot*h, mlling 'p into my no !hr th i*(n i $ginning to *ry,

/omiting th *rying, and thn I *an $rath, /omiting it- It ma( a lot o+

noi- I *an mll th li+ r'nning 'p +rom 'ndr my hand, 'p my arm, and thn

I *art la/ th tall-

I *annot +ind it- In th dar(, along th d't, th !all I *annot +ind it-

Th *rying ma( a lot o+ noi- I !ih it !o'ldn.t ma( o m'*h noi- Thn I

+ind it in th !agon hd, in th d't, and I r'n a*ro th lot and into th

road, th ti*( 2o'n*ing on my ho'ldr-

Thy !at*h m a I r'n 'p, $ginning to 2r( $a*(, thir y rolling,

norting, 2r(ing $a*( on th hit*hrin- I tri(- I *an har th ti*(

tri(ing@ I *an it hitting thir had, th $ratyo(, miing altogthr

omtim a thy rar and pl'ng, $'t I am glad-

8Yo' (ilt my ma!ETh ti*( $ra(, thy raring and norting, thir +t popping lo'd on

th gro'nd@ lo'd $*a' it i going to rain and th air i mpty +or th rain-

't it i till long no'gh- I r'n thi !ay and that a thy rar and 2r( at

th hit*hrin, tri(ing-

8Yo' (ilt hr8

I tri( at thm, tri(ing, thy !hling in a long l'ng, th $'ggy

!hling onto t!o !hl and motionl li( it i naild to th gro'nd and th

hor motionl li( thy ar naild $y th hind +t to th *ntr o+ a

!hirling plat-


17/82

I r'n in th d't-- I *annot , r'nning in th '*(ing d't !hr th

$'ggy /anih tiltd on t!o !hl- I tri(, th ti*( hitting into th

gro'nd, $o'n*ing, tri(ing into th d't and thn into th air again and th

d't '*(ing on do!n th road +atr than i+ a *ar !a in it- And thn I *an

*ry, loo(ing at th ti*(- It i $ro(n do!n to my hand, not longr than to/

!ood that !a a long ti*(- I thro! it a!ay and I *an *ry- It do not ma( o

m'*h noi no!-

Th *o! i tanding in th $arn door, *h!ing- %hn h m *om into

th lot h lo!, hr mo'th +'ll o+ +lopping grn, hr tong' +lopping-

8I aint agoin to mil( yo'- I aint agoin to do nothing +or thm-8

I har hr t'rn !hn I pa- %hn I t'rn h i 2't $hind m !ith hr

!t, hot, hard $rath-

8Didn.t I tll yo' I !o'ldn.t>8

Sh n'dg m, n'++ing- Sh moan dp inid, hr mo'th *lod- I 2r(

my hand, *'ring hr li( )!l do-

8Git, no!-8

I toop my hand to th gro'nd and r'n at hr- Sh 2'mp $a*( and !hirl

a!ay and top, !at*hing m- Sh moan- Sh go on- to th path and tand

thr, loo(ing 'p th path-

It i dar( in th $arn, !arm, mlling, ilnt- I *an *ry 'itly,

!at*hing th top o+ th hill-Cah *om to th hill, limping !hr h +ll o++ o+ th *h'r*h- H loo(

do!n at th pring, thn 'p th road and $a*( to!ard th $arn- H *om do!n th

path ti++ly and loo( at th $ro(n hit*hrin and at th d't in th road and

thn 'p th road, !hr th d't i gon-

8I hop thy./ got *lan pat T'll. $y no!- I o hop hit-8

Cah t'rn and limp 'p th path-

8D'rn him- I ho!d him- D'rn him-8

I am not *rying no!- I am not anything- D!y Dll *om to th hill and

*all m- ?ardaman- I am not anything- I am 'it- Yo', ?ardaman- I *an *ry

'it no!, +ling and haring my tar-

8Thn hit !ant- Hit hadn.t happnd thn- Hit !a alayin right thr on

th gro'nd- And no! h. gittin rady to *oo( hit-8

It i dar(- I *an har !ood, iln*5 I (no! thm- 't not li/ing o'nd,

not /n him- It i a tho'gh th dar( !r rol/ing him o't o+ hi intgrity,

into an 'nrlatd *attring o+ *omponntn'++ing and tamping@ mll o+

*ooling +lh and ammonia* hair@ an ill'ion o+ a *oordinatd !hol o+

plot*hd hid and trong $on !ithin !hi*h, dta*hd and *rt and +amiliar,

an isdi++rnt +rom my is- I him diol/lg, a rolling y, a ga'dy

plot*hing li( *old +lam and +loat 'pon th dar( in +ading ol'tion@ all on

yt nithr@ all ithr yt non- I *an haring *oil to!ard him, *aring,

haping hi hard hap+tlo*(, hip, ho'ldr and had@ mll and o'nd- I am

not a+raid-

8Coo(d and t- Coo(d and t-8

D!y Dll

H *o'ld do o m'*h +or m i+ h 2't !o'ld- H *o'ld do /rything +or m- It.

li( /rything in th !orld +or m i inid a t'$ +'ll o+ g't, o that yo'!ondr ho! thr *an $ any room in it +or anything l /ry important- H i a

$ig t'$ o+ g't and I am a littl t'$ o+ g't and i+ thr i not any room +or ,

anything l important in a $ig t'$ o+ g't, ho! *an it $ room in a littl t'$

o+ g't- 't I (no! it i thr $*a' God ga/ !omn a ign !hn omthing ha

happnd $ad-

It. $*a' I am alon- I+ I *o'ld 2't +l it, it !o'ld $ di++rnt,

$*a' I !o'ld not $ alon- 't i+ I !r not alon, /ry$ody !o'ld (no! it-

And h *o'ld do o m'*h +or m, and thn I !o'ld not $ alon- Thn I *o'ld $

all right alon-


18/82

I !o'ld lt him *om in $t!n m and La+, li( Darl *am in $t!n m

and La+, and o La+ i alon too- H i La+ and I am D!y Dll, and !hn

mothr did I had to go $yond and o'tid o+ m and La+ and Darl to gri/

$*a' h *o'ld do o m'*h +or m and h dont (no! it- H dont /n (no! it-

&rom th $a*( por*h I *annot th $arn- Thn th o'nd o+ Cah. a!ing

*om in +rom that !ay- It i li( a dog o'tid th ho', going $a*( and +orth

aro'nd th ho' to !hat/r door yo' *om to, !aiting to *om in- H aid I

!orry mor than yo' do and I aid Yo' dont (no! !hat !orry i o I *ant !orry- I

try to $'t I *ant thin( long no'gh to !orry-

I light th (it*hn lamp- Th +ih, *'t into 2aggd pi*, $ld 'itly

in th pan- I p't it into th *'p$oard 'i*(, litning into th hall, haring-

It too( hr tn day to di@ may$ h dont (no! it i yt- 7ay$ h !ont go

'ntil Cah- Or may$ 'ntil )!l- I ta( th dih o+ grn +rom th *'p$oard

and th $rad pan +rom th *old to/, and I top, !at*hing th door-

8%hr. ?ardaman>8 Cah ay- In th lamp hi a!d'td arm loo( li(

and-

8I dont (no!- I aint n him-8

B:a$ody. tam r'n a!ay- S i+ yo' *an +ind ?ardaman- Th hor !ill lt

him *at*h him-8

8%ll- Tll thm to *om to 'ppr-8

I *annot th $arn- I aid, I dont (no! ho! to !orry- I dont (no! ho! to *ry-I trid, $'t I *ant- A+tr a !hil th o'nd o+ th a! *om aro'nd, *oming

dar( along th gro'nd in th d'tdar(- Thn I *an him, going 'p and do!n

a$o/ th plan(-

8Yo' *om in to 'ppr,8 I ay- 8Tll him-8 H *o'ld do /rything +or m-

And h dont (no! it- H i hi g't and I am my g't- And I am La+. g't-

That. it- I dont !hy h didn.t tay in to!n- % ar *o'ntry popl, not a

good a to!n popl- I dont !hy h didn.t- Thn I *an th top o+ th

$arn- Th *o! tand at th +oot o+ th path, lo!ing- %hn I t'rn $a*(, Cah i

gon-

I *arry th $'ttrmil( in- :a and Cah and h ar at th ta$l-

8%hr. that $ig +ih 'd *a'ght, itr>8 h ay-

I t th mil( on th ta$l- 8I n/r had no tim to *oo( it-8

8:lain t'rnip grn i mighty pindling ating +or a man my i4,8 h

ay- Cah i ating- A$o't hi had th print o+ hi hat i !atd into hi

hair- Hi hirt i $lot*hd !ith !at- H ha not !ahd hi hand and arm-

8Yo' o'ght to too( tim,8 pa ay- 8%hr. ?ardaman>8

I go to!ard th door- 8I *ant +ind him-8

8Hr, itr,8 h ay@ 8n/r mind a$o't th +ih- It.ll a/, I r*(on-

Com on and it do!n-8

8I aint minding it,8 I ay- 8I.m going to mil( $+or it t in to rain-8

:a hlp himl+ and p'h th dih on- 't h do not $gin to at- Hi

hand ar hal+*lod on ithr id o+ hi plat, hi had $o!d a littl, hi

a!ry hair tanding into th lamplight- H loo( li( right a+tr th ma'l hit

th tr and it no longr ali/ and dont yt (no! that it i dad-

't Cah i ating, and h i too- 8Yo' $ttr at omthing,8 h ay- H

i loo(ing at pa- 8Li( Cah and m- Yo'.ll nd it-8

8Ay,8 pa ay- H ro' 'p, li( a tr that. $n (nling in a pondand yo' r'n at it- 8Sh !o'ld not $gr'dg m it-8

%hn I am o't o+ ight o+ th ho', I go +at- Th *o! lo! at th +oot

o+ th $l'++- Sh n'44l at m, n'++ing, $lo!ing hr $rath in a !t, hot

$lat, thro'gh my dr, againt my hot na(dn, moaning- 8Yo' got to !ait a

littl !hil- Thn I.ll tnd to yo'-8 Sh +ollo! m into th $arn !hr I t

th $'*(t do!n- Sh $rath into th $'*(t, moaning- 8I told yo'- Yo' 2't

got to !ait, no!- I got mor to do than I *an tnd to-8 Th $arn i dar(- %hn I

pa, h (i*( th !all a ingl $lo!- I go on- Th $ro(n plan( i li( a pal

plan( tanding on nd- Thn I *an th lop, +l th air mo/ing on my +a*


19/82

again, lo!, pal !ith lr dar( and !ith mpty ing, th pin *l'mp

$lot*hd 'p th tiltd lop, *rt and !aiting-

Th *o! in ilho'tt againt th door n'44l at th ilho'tt o+ th

$'*(t, moaning-

Thn I pa th tall- I ha/ almot pad it, I litn to it aying +or

a long tim $+or it *an ay th !ord and th litning part i a+raid that

thr may not $ tim to ay it I +l my $ody, my $on and +lh $ginning to

part and opn 'pon th alon, and th pro* o+ *oming 'nalon i trri$l-

La+- La+- 8La+8 La+- La+- I lan a littl +or!ard, on +oot ad/an*d !ith

dad !al(ing- I +l th dar(n r'hing pat my $rat, pat th *o!@ I $gin

to r'h 'pon th dar(n $'t th *o! top m and th dar(n r'h on 'pon

th !t $lat o+ hr moaning $rath, +illd !ith !ood and !ith iln*-

8?ardaman- Yo', ?ardaman-8

H *om o't o+ th tall- 8Yo' d'rn littl na( Yo' d'rn littl na(8

H do not rit@ th lat o+ r'hing dar(n +l !hitling a!ay-

8%hat> I aint don nothing-8

8Yo' d'rn littl na(8 7y hand ha( him, hard- 7ay$ I *o'ldn.t top

thm- I didn.t (no! thy *o'ld ha( o hard- Thy ha( $oth o+ ', ha(ing-

8I n/r don it,8 h ay- 8I n/r to'*hd thm-8

7y hand top ha(ing him, $'t I till hold him- 8%hat ar yo' doing hr>

%hy didn.t yo' an!r !hn I *alld yo'>88I aint doing nothing-8

BYo' go on to th ho' and gt yo'r 'ppr-8

H dra! $a*(- I hold him- 8Yo' 'it no!- Yo' la/ m $-8

8%hat !r yo' doing do!n hr> Yo' didn.t *om do!n hr to na( a+tr

m>8

8I n/r- I n/r- Yo' 'it, no!- I didn.t /n (no! yo' !a do!n hr-

Yo' la/ m $-8

I hold him, laning do!n to hi +a*, +l it !ith my y- H i

a$o't to *ry- 8Go on, no!- I don p't 'ppr on and I.ll $ thr oon a I

mil(- Yo' $ttr go on $+or h at /rything 'p- I hop that tam r'n *lan

$a*( to )++ron-8

8H (ilt hr,8 h ay- H $gin to *ry-

8H'h-8

8Sh n/r h'rt him and h *om and (ilt hr-8

8H'h-8 H tr'ggl- I hold him- 8H'h-8

8H (ilt hr-8 Th *o! *om 'p $hind ', moaning- I ha( him again-

8Yo' top it, no!- ;ight thi min't- Yo'.r +i6ing to ma( yo'rl+ i*(

and thn yo' *ant go to to!n- Yo' go on to th ho' and at yo'r 'ppr-8

8I dont !ant no 'ppr- I dont !ant to go to to!n-8

8%ll la/ yo' hr, thn- Ln yo' $ha/, ! !ill la/ yo'- Go on,

no!, $+or that old grnating t'$ o+ g't at /rything 'p +rom yo'-8 H

go on, diapparing lo!ly into th hill- Th *rt, th tr, th roo+ o+

th ho' tand againt th (y- Th *o! n'44l at m, moaning- 8Yo'll 2't

ha/ to !ait- %hat yo' got in yo' aint nothing to !hat I got in m, /n i+ yo'

ar a !oman too-8 Sh +ollo! m, moaning- Thn th dad, hot, pal air $rath

on my +a* again- H *o'ld +i6 it all right, i+ h 2't !o'ld- And h dont /n

(no! it- H *o'ld do /rything +or m i+ h 2't (no!d it- Th *o! $rath'pon my hip and $a*(, hr $rath !arm, !t, trtoro', moaning- Th (y li

+lat do!n th lop, 'pon th *rt d'mp- yond th hill htlightning

tain 'p!ard and +ad- Th dad air hap th dad arth in th dad

dar(n, +'rthr a!ay than ing hap th dad arth- It li dad and !arm

'pon m, to'*hing m na(d thro'gh my *loth- I aid Yo' dont (no! !hat !orry

i- I dont (no! !hat it i- I dont (no! !hthr I am !orrying or not- %hthr I

*an or not- I dont (no! !hthr I *an *ry or not- I dont (no! !hthr I ha/

trid to or not- I +l li( a !t d !ild in th hot $lind arth-


20/82

?ardaman

%hn thy gt it +inihd thy ar going to p't hr in it and thn +or a long

tim I *o'ldn.t ay it- I a! th dar( tand 'p and go !hirling a!ay and I aid

8Ar yo' going to nail hr 'p in it, Cah> Cah> Cah>E I got h't 'p in th

*ri$ th n! door it !a too ha/y +or m it !nt h't I *o'ldn.t $rath

$*a' th rat !a $rathing 'p all th air- I aid 8Ar yo' going to nail it

h't, Cah> Nail it> +ailit>8

:a !al( aro'nd- Hi hado! !al( aro'nd, o/r Cah going 'p and do!n

a$o/ th a!, at th $lding plan(-

D!y Dll aid ! !ill gt om $anana- Th train i $hind th gla,

rd on th tra*(- %hn it r'n th tra*( hin on and o++- :a aid +lo'r and

'gar and *o++ *ot o m'*h- *a' I am a *o'ntry $oy $*a' $oy in to!n-

i*y*l- %hy do +lo'r and 'gar and *o++ *ot o m'*h !hn h i a *o'ntry

$oy- 8%o'ldn.t yo' r'thr ha/ om $anana intad>8 anana ar gon, atn-

Gon- %hn it r'n on th tra*( hin again- 8%hy aint I a to!n $oy, pa>8 I

aid- God mad m- I did not aid to God to mad m in th *o'ntry- I+ H *an

ma( th train, !hy *ant H ma( thm all in th to!n $*a' +lo'r and 'gar

and *o++- 8%o'ldn.t yo' r'thr ha/ $anana>8

H !al( aro'nd- Hi hado! !al( aro'nd-

It !a not hr- I !a thr, loo(ing- I a!- I tho'ght it !a hr, $'t it

!a not- It !a not my mothr- Sh !nt a!ay !hn th othr on laid do!n in hr$d and dr! th 'ilt 'p- Sh !nt a!ay- 8Did h go a +ar a to!n>E 8Sh !nt

+'rthr than to!n-8 8Did all tho ra$$it and po'm go +'rthr than to!n>8

God mad th ra$$it and po'm- H mad th train- %hy m't H ma( a

di++rnt pla* +or thm to go i+ h i 2't li( th ra$$it-

:a !al( aro'nd- Hi hado! do- Th a! o'nd li( it i alp-

And o i+ Cah nail th $o6 'p, h i not a ra$$it- And o i+ h i not

a ra$$it I *o'ldn.t $rath in th *ri$ and Cah i going to nail it 'p- And o

i+ h lt him it i not hr- I (no!- I !a thr- I a! !hn it did not $

hr- I a!- Thy thin( it i and Cah i going to nail it 'p-

It !a not hr $*a' it !a laying right yondr in th dirt- And no!

it. all *hoppd 'p- I *hoppd it 'p- It. laying in th (it*hn in th $lding

pan, !aiting to $ *oo(d and t- Thn it !an.t and h !a, and no! it i and

h !an.t- And tomorro! it !ill $ *oo(d and t and h !ill $ him and pa and

Cah and D!y Dll and thr !ont $ anything in th $o6 and o h *an

$rath- It !a laying right yondr on th gro'nd- I *an gt ?rnon- H !a

thr and h n it, and !ith $oth o+ ' it !ill $ and thn it !ill not $-

T'll

It !a nigh to midnight and it had t into rain !hn h !o( '- It had $n a

mido'$t+'l night, !ith th torm ma(ing@ a night !hn a +llo! loo( +or mot

anything to happn $+or h *an gt th to*( +d and himl+ to th ho' and

'ppr t and in $d !ith th rain tarting, and !hn :a$ody. tam *om 'p,

lathrd, !ith th $ro( harn dragging and th n*(yo( $t!i6t th o++

*rittr. lg, Cora ay 8It. Addi 'ndrn- Sh. gon at lat-8

8:a$ody mo'ght ha/ $n to r a on o+ a do4n ho' hra$o't,8 I

ay- 8id, ho! do yo' (no! it. :a$ody. tam>8

8%ll, aint it>8 h ay- 8Yo' hit*h 'p, no!-88%hat +or>8 I ay- 8I+ h i gon, ! *ant do nothing till morning- And

it +i6ing to torm, too-8

8It. my d'ty,8 h ay- 8Yo' p't th tam in-8

't I !o'ldn.t do it- 8It tand to raon thy.d nd +or ' i+ thy

ndd '- Yo' dont /n (no! h. gon yt-8

8%hy, dont yo' (no! that. :a$ody. tam> Do yo' *laim it aint> %ll,

thn-8 't I !o'ldn.t go- %hn +ol( !ant a +llo!, it. $t to !ait till thy

nd +or him, I./ +o'nd- 8It. my Chritian d'ty,8 Cora ay- 8%ill yo' tand

$t!n m and my Chritian d'ty>8


21/82

8Yo' *an tay thr all day tomorro!, i+ yo' !ant,E I ay-

So !hn Cora !a(d m it had t in to rain- =/n !hil I !a going to th

door !ith th lamp and it hining on th gla o h *o'ld I am *oming, it

(pt on (no*(ing- Not lo'd, $'t tady, li( h might ha/ gon to lp

th'mping, $'t I n/r noti*d ho! lo! do!n on th door th (no*(ing !a till I

opnd it and n/r n nothing- I hld th lamp 'p, !ith th rain par(ling

a*ro it and Cora $a*( in th hall aying 8%ho i it, ?rnon>8 $'t I *o'ldn.t

no$ody atall at +irt 'ntil I loo(d do!n and aro'nd th door, lo!ring th

lamp-

H loo(d li( a dro!ndd p'ppy, in thm o/rall, !itho't no hat,

plahd 'p to hi (n !hr h had !al(d thm +o'r mil in th m'd- 8%ll,

Ill $ d'rnd,8 I ay-

8%ho i it, ?rnon>8 Cora ay-

H loo(d at m, hi y ro'nd and $la*( in th middl li( !hn yo'

thro! a light in a o!l. +a*- 8Yo' mind that r +ih,8 h ay-

8Com in th ho',8 I ay- 8%hat i it> I yo'r ma!8

8?rnon,8 Cora ay-

H tood (ind o+ aro'nd $hind th door, in th dar(- Th rain !a $lo!ing

onto th lamp, hiing on it o I am *ard /ry min't it.ll $ra(- 8Yo' !a

thr,8 h ay- 8Yo' n it-8

Thn Cora *om to th door- 8Yo' *om right in o'tn th rain,8 h ay,p'lling him in and him !at*hing m- H loo(d 2't li( a dro!ndd p'ppy- 8I

told yo',8 Cora ay- 8I told yo' it !a ahappning- Yo' go and hit*h-8

8't h aint aid8 I ay-

H loo(d at m, dripping onto th +loor- 8H. ar'ining th r'g,8 Cora

ay- 8Yo' go gt th tam !hil I ta( him to th (it*hn-8

't h h'ng $a*(, dripping, !at*hing m !ith thm y- 8Yo' !a thr-

Yo' n it laying thr- Cah i +i6ing to nail hr 'p@ and it !a alaying

right thr on th gro'nd- Yo' n it- Yo' n th mar( in th dirt- Th rain

n/r *om 'p till a+tr I !a a*oming hr- So ! *an gt $a*( in tim-8

I $ d'rn i+ it didn.t gi/ m th *rp, /n !hn I didn.t (no! yt-

't Cora did- 8Yo' gt that tam 'i*( a yo' *an,8 h ay- 8H. o'tn hi

had !ith gri+ and !orry-8

I $ d'rn i+ it didn.t gi/ m th *rp- No! and thn a +llo! gt to

thin(ing- A$o't all th orro! and a++li*tion in thi !orld@ ho! it. lia$l to

tri( any!hr, li( lightning- I r*(on it do ta( a po!r+'l tr't in th

Lord to g'ard a +llo!, tho'gh omtim I thin( that Cora. a mit o/r

*a'tio', li( h !a trying to *ro!d th othr +ol( a!ay and gt in *lor

than any$ody l- 't thn, !hn omthing li( thi happn, I r*(on h i

right and yo' got to (p a+tr it and I r*(on I am $ld in ha/ing a !i+

that /r tri/ +or an*ti+y and !lldoing li( h ay I am-

No! and thn a +llo! gt to thin(ing a$o't it- Not o+tn, tho'gh- %hi*h

i a good thing- &or th Lord aimd +or him to do and not to pnd too m'*h tim

thin(ing, $*a' hi $rain it. li( a pi* o+ ma*hinry5 it !ont tand a

!hol lot o+ ra*(ing- It. $t !hn it all r'n along th am, doing th day.

!or( and not no on part 'd no mor than nd+'l- I ha/ aid and I ay again,

that. /r li/ing thing th mattr !ith Darl5 h 2't thin( $y himl+ too

m'*h- Cora. right !hn h ay all h nd i a !i+ to traightn him o't-And !hn I thin( a$o't that, I thin( that i+ nothing $'t $ing marrid !ill hlp

a man, h. d'rn nigh hopl- 't I r*(on Cora. right !hn h ay th

raon th Lord had to *rat !omn i $*a' man dont (no! hi o!n good !hn

h it-

%hn I *om $a*( to th ho' !ith th tam, thy !a in th (it*hn- Sh

!a drd on top o+ hr nightgo!nd, !ith a ha!l o/r hr had and hr

'm$rlla and hr $i$l !rappd 'p in th oil*loth, and him itting on a 'p

t'rnd $'*(t on th to/4in* !hr h had p't him, dripping onto th +loor-

I *ant gt nothing o'tn him 6*pt a$o't a +ih,8 h ay- It. a 2'dgmnt on


22/82

thm- I th hand o+ th Lord 'pon thi $oy +or An 'ndrn 2'dgmnt and

!arning-8

8Th rain n/r *om 'p till a+tr I l+t,8 h ay- 8I had don l+t- I

!a on th !ay- And o it !a thr in th d't- Yo' n it- Cah i +i6ing to

nail hr, $'t yo' n it-8

%hn ! got thr it !a raining hard, and him itting on th at $t!n

', !rappd 'p in Cora. ha!l- H hadn.t aid nothing l, 2't itting thr

!ith Cora holding th 'm$rlla o/r him- No! and thn Cora !o'ld top inging

long no'gh to ay 8It. a 2'dgmnt on An 'ndrn- 7ay it ho! him th path o+

in h i atrodding-8 Thn h !o'ld ing again, and him itting thr $t!n

', laning +or!ard a littl li( th m'l *o'ldn.t go +at no'gh to 'it him-

8It !a laying right yondr,8 h ay, 8$'t th rain *om 'p a+tr I ta(n

and l+t- So I *an go and opn th !indo!, $*a' Cah aint naild hr yt-8

It !a long apat midnight !hn ! dro/ th lat nail, and almot d't

da!n !hn I got $a*( hom and ta(n th tam o't and got $a*( in $d, !ith

Cora. night*ap laying on th othr pillo!- And $ d'rnd i+ /n thn it !an.t

li( I *o'ld till har Cora inging and +l that $oy laning +or!ard $t!n

' li( h !a ahad o+ th m'l, and till Cah going 'p and do!n !ith

that a!, and An tanding thr li( a *ar*ro!, li( h !a a tr tanding

(ndp in a pond and om$ody *om $y and t th pond 'p on dg and h aint

mid it yt-It !a nigh to!ard day$ra( !hn ! dro/ th lat nail and totd it into

th ho', !hr h !a laying on th $d !ith th !indo! opn and th rain

$lo!ing on hr again- T!i* h did it, and him o dad +or lp that Cora ay

hi +a* loo(d li( on o+ th hr Chritma mat that had don $n $'rid

a !hil and thn d'g 'p, 'ntil at lat thy p't hr into it and naild it do!n

o h *o'ldn.t opn th !indo! on hr no mor- And th n6t morning thy +o'nd

him in hi hirt tail, laying alp on th +loor li( a +lld tr, and th

top o+ th $o6 $ord *lan +'ll o+ hol and Cah. n! a'gr $ro( o++ in th

lat on- %hn thy ta(n th lid o++ thy +o'nd that t!o o+ thm had $ord on

into hr +a*-

I+ it. a 2'dgmnt, it aint right- *a' th Lord. got mor to do than

that- H. $o'nd to ha/- *a' th only $'rdn An 'ndrn. /r had i

himl+- And !hn +ol( tal( him lo!, I thin( to myl+ h aint that l o+ a

man or h *o'ldn.t a $or himl+ thi long-

It aint right- I $ d'rn i+ it i- *a' H aid S'++r littl *hildrn

to *om 'nto 7 dont ma( it right, nithr- Cora aid, I ha/ $or yo' !hat th

Lord God nt m- I +a*d it !itho't +ar nor trror $*a' my +aith !a trong

in th Lord, a$oltring and 'taining m- I+ yo' ha/ no on, it. $*a'

th Lord ha d*rd othr!i in Hi !idom- And my li+ i and ha /r $n a

opn $oo( to r a man or !oman among Hi *rat'r $*a' I tr't in my God

and my r!ard-8

I r*(on h. right- I r*(on i+ thr. r a man or !oman any!hr that

H *o'ld t'rn it all o/r to and go a!ay !ith Hi mind at rt, it !o'ld $

Cora- And I r*(on h !o'ld ma( a +! *hang, no mattr ho! H !a r'nning it

And I r*(on thy !o'ld $ +or man. good- Lat!ay, ! !o'ld ha/ to li(

thm- Lat!ay, ! might a !ll go on and ma( li( ! did-

Darl

Th lantrn it on a t'mp- ;'td, gra+o'ld, it *ra*(d *himny mard

on on id !ith a oaring m'dg o+ oot, it hd a +$l and 'ltry glar

'pon th trtl and th $oard and th ad2a*nt arth-


23/82

li+ting and dropping thm at th $ottom o+ an in/ii$l !ll, th o'nd *aing

!itho't dparting, a i+ any mo/mnt might dilodg thm +rom th immdiat air

in r/r$rant rptition- H a! again, hi l$o! +lahing lo!ly, a thin

thrad o+ +ir r'nning along th dg o+ th a!, lot and r*o/rd at th top

and $ottom o+ a*h tro( in 'n$ro(n longation, o that th a! appar to $

i6 +t long, into and o't o+ pa. ha$$y and aiml ilho'tt- 8Gi/ m that

plan(,8 Cah ay- 8No@ th othr on-8 H p't th a! do!n and *om and pi*(

'p th plan( h !ant, !ping pa a!ay !ith th long !inging glam o+ th

$alan*d $oard-

Th air mll li( 'lph'r-


24/82


25/82

or I *o'ld not mpty myl+ +or lp in a trang room- And o i+ I am not

mptid yt, I am is-

Ho! o+tn ha/ I lain $nath rain on a trang roo+, thin(ing o+ hom-

Cah

I mad it on th $/l-

1- Thr i mor 'r+a* +or th nail to grip-

F- Thr i t!i* th gripping'r+a* to a*h am-

3- Th !atr !ill ha/ to p into it on a lant- %atr mo/ ait 'p

and do!n or traight a*ro-

- In a ho' popl ar 'pright t!o third o+ th tim- So th am and

2oint ar mad 'panddo!n- *a' th tr i 'panddo!n-

"- In a $d !hr popl li do!n all th tim, th 2oint and am ar

mad id!ay, $*a' th tr i id!ay-

- =6*pt-

#- A $ody i not 'ar li( a *roti-

- Animal magntim-

9- Th animal magntim o+ a dad $ody ma( th tr *om lanting, o

th am and 2oint o+ a *o++in ar mad on th $/l-

10- Yo' *an $y an old gra/ that th arth in( do!n on th $/l-

11- %hil in a nat'ral hol it in( $y th *ntr, th tr $ing 'panddo!n-

1F- So I mad it on th $/l-

13- It ma( a natr 2o$-

?ardaman

7y mothr i a +ih-

T'll

It !a tn o*lo*( !hn I got $a*(, !ith :a$ody. tam hit*hd on to th $a*( o+

th !agon- Thy had alrady draggd th $'*($oard $a*( +rom !hr

J'i*( +o'nd it 'pid do!n traddl o+ th dit*h a$o't a mil +rom th pring-

It !a p'lld o't o+ th road at th pring, and a$o't a do4n !agon !a

alrady thr- It !a J'i*( +o'nd it- H aid th ri/ !a 'p and till riing-

H aid it had alrady *o/rd th hight !atrmar( on th $ridgpiling h

/r n- 8That $ridg !ont tand a !hol lot !atr,8 I aid- 8Ha om$ody

told An a$o't it>8

8I told him,8 J'i*( aid- 8H ay h r*(on th $oy ha hard and

'nloadd and ar on th !ay $y no!- H ay thy *an load 'p and gt a*ro-8

8H $ttr go on and $'ry hr at N! Hop,8 Armtid aid- 8That $ridg i

old- I !o'ldn.t mon(y !ith it-8

8Hi mind i t on ta(ing hr to )++ron,8 J'i*( aid-

8Thn h $ttr gt at it oon a h *an,8 Armtid aid-

An mt ' at th door- H ha ha/d, $'t not good- Thr i a long

*'t on hi 2a!, and h i !aring hi S'nday pant and a !hit hirt !ith th

n*($and $'ttond- It i dra!n mooth o/r hi h'mp, ma(ing it loo( $iggr than

/r, li( a !hit hirt !ill, and hi +a* i di++rnt too- H loo( +ol( in

th y no!, digni+id, hi +a* tragi* and *ompod, ha(ing ' $y th hand a! !al( 'p onto th por*h and *rap o'r ho, a littl ti++ in o'r S'nday

*loth, o'r S'nday *loth r'tling, not loo(ing +'ll at him a h mt '-

8Th Lord gi/th,8 ! ay-

8Th Lord gi/th-8

That $oy i not thr- :a$ody told a$o't ho! h *om into th (it*hn,

hollring, !arming and *la!ing at Cora !hn h +o'nd hr *oo(ing that +ih, and

ho! D!y Dll ta(n him do!n to th $arn- 87y tam all right>8 :a$ody ay-

8All right,8 I tll him- 8I gi/ thm a $ait thi morning- Yo'r $'ggy

m all right too- It aint h'rt-8


26/82


27/82

8It. a +a*t,8 Littl2ohn ay- It. o-8

8On mor aint, no !ay,8 Armtid ay- 8lt.d ta(n thm t!othr day to

got hr to to!n in th !agon- Thy.d $ gon a !(, gtting hr to )++ron

and $a*(-8

8%hat. An o it*hing to ta( hr to )++ron +or, any!ay>8 Ho'ton

ay-

8H promid hr,8 I ay- 8Sh !antd it- Sh *om +rom thr- Hr mind

!a t on it-8

8And An i t on it, too,8 J'i*( ay-

8Ay,8


28/82

tanding !ith on +oot ad/an*d and o'r had lo!rd, loo(ing aid, do!n at

o'r hat in o'r hand and at th arth or no! and thn at th (y and at on

anothr. gra/, *ompod +a*-

Th ong nd@ th /oi* 'a/r a!ay !ith a ri*h and dying +all-

%hit+ild $gin- Hi /oi* in $iggr than him- It. li( thy ar not th am-

It. li( h i on, and hi /oi* i on, !imming on t!o hor id $y id

a*ro th +ord and *oming into th ho', th m'dplahd on and th on that

n/r /n got %t, tri'mphant and ad- Som$ody in th ho' $gin to *ry- It

o'nd li( hr y and hr /oi* !r t'rnd $a*( inid hr, litning@ !

mo/, hi+ting to th othr lg, mting on anothr. y and ma(ing li( thy

hadn.t to'*hd-

%hit+ild top at lat- Th !omn ing again- In th thi*( air it. li(

thir /oi* *om o't o+ th air, +lo!ing togthr and on in th ad, *om+orting

t'n, %hn thy *a it. li( thy hadn.t gon a!ay- It. li( thy had 2't

diappard into th air and !hn ! mo/d ! !o'ld loo thm again o't o+ th

air aro'nd ', ad and *om+orting- Thn thy +inih and ! p't on o'r hat, o'r

mo/mnt ti++, li( ! hadn.t n/r !or hat $+or-

On th !ay hom Cora i till inging- 8I am $o'nding to!ard my God and my

r!ard,8 h ing, itting on th !agon, th ha!l aro'nd hr ho'ldr and th

'm$rlla opn o/r hr, tho'gh it i not raining-

8Sh ha hrn,8 I ay- 8%hr/r h !nt, h ha hr r!ard in $ing+r o+ An 'ndrn-8 !he laid there three days in that bo#, waiting for )arl

and Jewel to come clean back home and get a new wheel and go back to where the

wagon was in the ditch. Take my team, *nse, I said.

/ell wait for ourn, he said. !hell want it so. !he was ever a

particular woman.

On the third day they got back and they loaded her into the wagon and

started and it already too late. 'oull have to go all the way round by

!amsons bridge. Itll take you a day to get there. Then youll be forty miles

from Jefferson. Take my team, *nse.

/ell wait for ourn. !hell want it so.

It !a a$o't a mil +rom th ho' ! a! him, itting on th dg o+ th

lo'gh- It hadn.t had a +ih in it n/r that I (no!d- H loo(d aro'nd at ',

hi y ro'nd and *alm, hi +a* dirty, th pol a*ro hi (n- Cora !a

till inging-

8Thi aint no good day to +ih,8 I aid, 8Yo' *om on hom !ith ' and m

and yo'.ll go do!n to th ri/r +irt thing in th morning and *at*h om +ih-8

8It. on in hr,. h aid- 8D!y Dll n it-8

8Yo' *om on !ith '- Th ri/r. th $t pla*-8

BIt. in hr,8 h aid- 8D!y Dll n it-8

BI.m $o'nding to!ard my God and my r!ard,8 Cora 'ng-

Darl

It. not yo'r hor that. dad, )!l,8 I ay- H it r*t on th at,

laning a littl +or!ard, !oodn$a*(d- Th $rim o+ hi hat ha oa(d +r o+

th *ro!n in t!o pla*, drooping a*ro hi !oodn +a* o that, had lo!rd,

h loo( thro'gh it li( thro'gh th /ior o+ a hlmt, loo(ing long a*ro th

/ally to !hr th $arn lan againt th $l'++, haping th in/ii$l hor-8S thm>8 I ay- High a$o/ th ho', againt th 'i*( thi*( (y, thy hang

in narro!ing *ir*l- &rom hr thy ar no mor than p*(, impla*a$l,

patint, portnto'- 8't it. not yo'r hor that. dad-8

8Goddamn yo',8 h ay- 8Goddamn yo'-8

I *annot lo/ my mothr $*a' I ha/ no mothr- )!l. mothr i a

hor-

7otionl, th tall $'44ard hang in oaring *ir*l, th *lo'd gi/ing

thm an ill'ion o+ rtrograd-


29/82

7otionl, !oodn$a*(d, !oodn+a*d, h hap th hor in a rigid

toop li( a ha!(, hoo(!ingd- Thy ar !aiting +or ', rady +or th mo/ing o+

it, !aiting +or him- H ntr th tall and !ait 'ntil it (i*( at him o that

h *an lip pat and mo'nt onto th tro'gh and pa', pring o't a*ro th

intr/ning talltop to!ard th mpty path, $+or h ra*h into th lo+t-

8Goddamn him- Goddamn him-8

Cah

It !ont $alan*- I+ yo' !ant it to tot and rid on a $alan*, ! !ill ha/8

8:i*( 'p- Goddamn yo', pi*( 'p-8

8I.m tlling yo' it !ont tot and it !ont rid on a $alan* 'nl8

8:i*( 'p :i*( 'p, goddamn yo'r thi*(nod o'l to hll, pi*( 'pE

It !ont $alan*- I+ thy !ant it to tot and rid on a $alan*, thy !ill

ha/

Darl

H toop among ' a$o/ it, t!o o+ th ight hand- In hi +a* th $lood go

in !a/- In $t!n thm hi +lh i grnih loo(ing, a$o't that mooth,

thi*(, pal grn o+ *o!. *'d@ hi +a* '++o*atd, +'rio', hi lip li+td

'pon hi tth- 8:i*( 'p8 h ay- 8:i*( 'p, goddamn yo'r thi*(nod o'l8

H ha/, li+ting on !hol id o 'ddnly that ! all pring into thli+t to *at*h and $alan* it $+or h h'rl it *ompltly o/r- &or an intant

it rit, a tho'gh /olitional, a tho'gh !ithin it hr polthin $ody *ling

+'rio'ly, /n tho'gh dad, to a ort o+ modty, a h !o'ld ha/ trid to

*on*al a oild garmnt that h *o'ld not pr/nt hr $ody oiling- Thn it

$ra( +r, riing 'ddnly a tho'gh th ma*iation o+ hr 8$ody had addd

$'oyan*y to th plan( or a tho'gh, ing that th garmnt !a a$o't to $

torn +rom hr, h r'h 'ddnly a+tr it in a paionat r/ral that +lo't

it o!n dir and nd- )!l. +a* go *ompltly grn and I *an har tth

in hi $rath-

% *arry it do!n th hall, o'r +t harh and *l'my on th +loor, mo/ing

!ith h'++ling tp, and thro'gh th door-

8Stady it a min't, no!,8 pa ay, ltting go- H t'rn $a*( to h't and

lo*( th door, $'t )!l !ill not !ait-

8Com on,8 h ay in that '++o*ating /oi*- 8Com on-8

% lo!r it *ar+'lly do!n th tp- % mo/, alan*ing it a tho'gh it

!r omthing in+initly pr*io', o'r +a* a/rtd, $rathing thro'gh o'r

tth to (p o'r notril *lod- % go do!n th path, to!ard th lop-

8% $ttr !ait,8 Cah ay- 8I tll yo' it aint $alan*d no!- %ll nd

anothr hand on that hill-8

8Thn t'rn loo,8 )!l ay- H !ill not top- Cah $gin to +all

$hind, ho$$ling to (p 'p, $rathing harhly@ thn h i ditan*d and )!l

*arri th ntir +ront nd alon, o that, tilting a th path $gin to

lant, it $gin to r'h a!ay +rom m and lip do!n th air li( a ld 'pon

in/ii$l no!, moothly /a*'ating atmophr in !hi*h th n o+ it i till

hapd-

8%ait, )!l,8 I ay- 't h !ill not !ait- H i almot r'nning no! and

Cah i l+t $hind- It m to m that th nd !hi*h I no! *arry alon ha no!ight, a tho'gh it *oat li( a r'hing tra! 'pon th +'rio' tid o+

)!l. dpair- I am not /n to'*hing it !hn, t'rning, h lt it o/rhoot

him, !inging, and top it and lo'gh it into th !agon $d in th am motion

and loo( $a*( at m, hi +a* '++'d !ith +'ry and dpair-

8Goddamn yo'- Goddamn yo'-8

?ardaman


30/82

% ar going to to!n- D!y Dll ay it !ont $ old $*a' it $long to

Santa Cla' and h ta(n it $a*( !ith him 'ntil n6t Chritma- Thn it !ill $

$hind th gla again, hining !ith !aiting-

:a and Cah ar *oming do!n th hill, $'t )!l i going to th $arn-

8)!l,8 pa ay- )!l do not top- 8%hr yo' going>8 pa ay- 't )!l

do not top- 8Yo' la/ that hor hr,8 pa ay- )!l top and loo( at

pa- )!l. y loo( li( mar$l- 8Yo' la/ that hor hr,8 pa ay- 8%.ll

all go in- th !agon !ith ma, li( h !antd-8

't my mothr i a +ih- ?rnon n it- H !a thr-

8)!l. mothr i a hor,8 Darl aid-

8Thn min *an $ a +ih, *ant it, Darl>8 I aid-

)!l i my $rothr-

8Thn min !ill ha/ to $ a hor, too,8 I aid-

8%hy>8 Darl aid- 8I+ pa i yo'r pa, !hy do yo'r ma ha/ to $ a hor

2't $*a' )!l. i>8

8%hy do it>8 I aid- 8%hy do it, Darl>8

Darl i my $rothr-

8Thn !hat i yo'r ma, Darl>8 I aid-

8I ha/n.t got r on,8 Darl aid- 8*a' i+ I had on, it iwas- And

i+ it i !a, it *ant $ is- Can it>8

8No,8 I aid-8Thn I am not,8 Darl aid- 8Am I>8

8No,8 I aid-

I am- Darl i my $rothr-

8't yo' are, Darl,8 I aid-

8I (no! it,8 Darl aid- 8That. !hy I am notis- *rei too many +or on

!oman to +oal-8

Cah i *arrying hi tool $o6- :a loo( at him- 8Ill top at T'll. on th

!ay $a*(,8 Cah- ay- 8Gt on that $arn roo+-8

8It aint rp*t+'l,8 pa ay- 8It. a dli$rat +lo'ting o+ hr and o+

m-8

8Do yo' !ant him to *om all th !ay $a*( hro and *arry thm 'p to T'll.

a+oot>8 Darl ay- :a loo(. at Darl, hi mo'th *h!ing- :a ha/ /ry day no!

$*a' my mothr i a +ih-

8It aint right,8 pa ay-

D!y Dll ha th pa*(ag in hr hand- Sh ha th $a(t !ith o'r dinnr

too-

8%hat. that>8 pa ay-

87r T'll. *a(,8 D!y Dll ay, gtting into th !agon- 8I.m ta(ing

thm to to!n +or hr-8

BIt aint right,8 pa ay- 8It. a +lo'ting o+ th dad-8

It.ll $ thr- It.ll $ thr *om Chritma, h ay, hining on th

tra*(- Sh ay h !ont ll it to no to!n $oy-

Darl

H go on to!ard th $arn, ntring th lot, !oodn$a*(d-

D!y Dll *arri th $a(t on on arm, in th othr hand omthing

!rappd 'ar in a n!papr- Hr +a* i *alm and 'lln, hr y $roodingand alrt@ !ithin thm I *an :a$ody. $a*( li( t!o ro'nd pa in t!o

thim$l5 prhap in :a$ody. $a*( t!o o+ tho !orm !hi*h !or( 'rrptitio'

and tady thro'gh yo' and o't th othr id and yo' !a(ing 'ddnly +rom lp

or +rom !a(ing, !ith on yo'r +a* an 6prion 'ddn, intnt, and *on*rnd-

Sh t th $a(t into th !agon and *lim$ in, hr lg *oming long +rom

$nath hr tightning dr5 that l/r !hi*h mo/ th !orld@ on o+ that

*alipr !hi*h ma'r th lngth and $radth o+ li+- Sh it on th at

$id ?ardaman and t th par*l on hr lap-

Thn h ntr th $arn- H ha not loo(d $a*(-


31/82

8It aint right8 pa ay- It littl no'gh +or him to do +or hr-8

8Go on,8 Cah ay- 8La/ him tay i+ h !ant- Hll $ all right hr-

7ay$ hll go 'p to T'll. and tay-8

8Hll *at*h ',8 I ay- 8Hll *'t a*ro and mt ' at T'll. lan-8

8H !o'ld ha/ rid that hor, too,8 pa ay, 8i+ I hadn.t a toppd him-

A d'rn pottd *rittr !ildr than a *attymo'nt- A dli$rat +lo'ting o+ hr

and o+ m-8

Th !agon mo/@ th m'l. ar $gin to $o$- hind ', a$o/ th ho',

motionl in tall and oaring *ir*l, thy diminih and diappar-

An

I told him not to $ring that hor o't o+ rp*t +or hi dad ma, $*a' it

!o'ldn.t loo( right, him pran*ing along on a d'rn *ir*' animal and hr !anting

' all to $ in th !agon !ith hr that pr'ng@ +rom hr +lh and $lood, $'t !

hadn.t no mor than pad T'++ lan !hn Darl $g'n to la'gh- Stting5 $a*(

thr on th plan( at !ith Cah, !ith hi dad ma laying in hr *o++in at hi

+t, la'ghing- Ho! many tim I told him i+ doing '*h thing a that that

ma( +ol( tal( a$o't him, I dont (no!- I ay I got om rgard +or !hat +ol(

ay a$o't my +lh, and $lood /n i+ yo' ha/n.t, /n i+ I ha/ raid '*h a

d'rn pal o+ $oy, and !hn yo' +i6 it o +ol( *an ay '*h a$o't yo', it.

a r+l*tion on yo'r ma, I ay, not m5 I am a man and I *an tand it@ it. onyo'r !omn+ol(, yo'r ma and itr that yo' ho'ld *ar +or, and I t'rnd and

loo(d $a*( at him and him tting thr, la'ghing-

BI dont 6p*t yo' to ha/ no rp*t +or m,8 I ay- 8't !ith yo'r o!n

ma not *old in hr *o++in yt-8

BYondr,8 Cah ay, 2r(ing hi had to!ard th lan- Th hor i till

a right mart pi* a!ay, *oming 'p at a good pa*, $'t I dont ha/ to $ told

!ho it i- I 2't loo(d $a*( at Darl, tting thr la'ghing-

8I don my $t,8 I ay- 8I trid to do a h !o'ld !ih it- Th Lord

!ill pardon m and 6*' th *ond'*t o+ thm H nt m-8 And Darl tting on

th plan( at right a$o/ hr !hr h !a laying, la'ghing-

Darl

H *om 'p th lan +at, yt ! ar thr h'ndrd yard $yond th mo'th o+ it

!hn h t'rn into th road, th m'd +lying $nath th +li*(ing dri/ o+ th

hoo/- Thn h lo! a littl, light and r*t in th addl, th hor min*ing

thro'gh th m'd-

T'll i in hi lot- H loo( at ', li+t hi hand- % go on, th !agon

*ra(ing, th m'd !hipring on th !hl- ?rnon

faulkner, william - as i lay dying

Documents