February 2013Connection Program

Volunteer Telelearning:

MANAGING DIFFICULT

BEHAVIORS IN PEER

RELATIONSHIPS

For Internal Use Only

Call One• Tuesday, February 12 at 7 p.m. ET • (6 p.m. CT, 5 p.m. MST, 4 p.m. PT)• Participant Dial-In Number: (877) 251-0302 • Conference ID: 97606288

Call Two• Wednesday, February 13 at 2 p.m. ET • (1 p.m. CT, 12 p.m. MST, 11 a.m. PT)• Participant Dial-In Number: (877) 251-0302 • Conference ID: 97640378

When asked after dialing in, please provide your First and Last Name, and City and State. This information is required for purposes of tracking attendance.

MANAGING DIFFICULT BEHAVIORS IN PEER RELATIONSHIPS

DIFFICULT BEHAVIOR… WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU:

1. Describe the behavior of the other person.

2. How did you behave?

3. How did you feel afterwards?

4. How do you think he/she felt?

5. Did you wish you had done something different?

HOSTILE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Try to bully• Abrupt with others• Intimidating• Arrogant tone

COPING• Give them time to run down• Interrupt• Refuse to recognize

intimidation• Avoid open confrontation

SHERMAN TANK BEHAVIOR

COPING• Smoke them out• Ask direct “?s”• Do not get involved

SNIPER BEHAVIOR

HOSTILE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Pot shots• Innuendos

SIGNS• Adult temper tantrums• Out of control• Loud/rapid voice (yelling)• Tension in body language

COPING• Give them time to run down• Get their attention (eye

contact, move to them)• Call time-out• Try to douse fire• Stay calm and in control• Deep breaths

BABY-BRAT BEHAVIOR

HOSTILE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

KNOW IT ALL BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Tone of absolute• See in black and white• Make others feel inept• Exude feeling of power

COPING• Listen and acknowledge• Question firmly• “I have difficulty . . .”• “Will you help us . . .”

BULLDOZER BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Jargon and acronyms• Pontification• Create tangents to show off

COPING• Bring group back• Ask for English• Acknowledge expertise

and enlist help

PROFESSOR BEHAVIOR

KNOW IT ALL BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Speak with authority• Know little about subject• Wrong facts

COPING• State correct facts• Provide “face-saver”• See them after group for

damage control

PHONY EXPERT BEHAVIOR

KNOW IT ALL BEHAVIOR

SILENT OR UNRESPONSIVE BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Do not peep• Look dormant• Never volunteer response• Observe others• Hard to know what they

think• May leave and criticize• Haughty look OR• Trapped rabbit

COPING• Observe body language• Call on them• Open ended ?’s• Friendly silence• Don’t rescue• Treat as a response• See them later

CLAM BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Grunts• “Yep”• “Nope”• Stays on fringe of group• Seems annoyed

COPING• Ask for more• “Please elaborate”• Give observation of body

language

NEANDERTHAL BEHAVIOR

SILENT OR UNRESPONSIVE BEHAVIOR

BLAMING AND COMPLAINING BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Run on sentences• Accusing• Whiney tone• Fault finding• Triangular complaints

COPING• Limiting response• Interrupt• Disagree• Force problem solving• Avoid ADR patterns:

(Accusation/defense/re-accusation patterns)

WHINING BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• “Yes, but . . .”• “We tried that before”• “It’s no use”• Conversation stoppers• See obstacles as

absolutes• Pessimism

COPING• Avoid getting drawn in• Don’t argue• State realistic/optimism• Enlist others in positives

“EEYORES” (NEGATIVIST BEHAVIOR)

BLAMING AND COMPLAINING BEHAVIOR

INDECISIVE BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Prolong discussion• “But, wait!”• Fear errors• Impede group decision process

COPING• “Last comment”• Note time and need for

action• Use flip chart for

recording

“STALLER” BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Forget decisions• Request rehash• Total turn-around

COPING• Good minutes• Flip chart• Firmly state decision

was made

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY BEHAVIOR

INDECISIVE BEHAVIOR

SUPER-AGREEABLE BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Always a smile• Agreeable to a fault• Verbally wishy-washy• Body language tells story• Sings different song after

meeting• “It will all work out somehow”

COPING• Challenge• Ask for honest opinion• Observe body

language/describe and ask

• Look over shoulder for knife in back!

“POLLYANNA” BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Always volunteering• Charming• Great until needed• Then disappear• Men (Don’t do it)

(Aggressive/passive)• Women (Do it, but poorly)

(Passive/aggressive)

COPING• Challenge promises• Insist on timeline• Be ready to

compromise

“HOUDINI” BEHAVIOR

SUPER-AGREEABLE BEHAVIOR

ANTI-GROUP BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Has hidden agenda• Uses group for personal

gain

COPING• Establish clear rules on

group purpose and conflict of interest

• Confront individual

SNAKE OIL SALESMAN BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Likes to talk – rambles• Often off topic• Preoccupied with own interests• Can’t get to point• Digresses

COPING• Interrupt by jumping on a relevant

point• Redirect to group• Emphasize time and goals• Acknowledge valid points or

relevance of tangent for another day• Take responsibility – “Perhaps I was

not clear”

RAMBLIN’ ROSE BEHAVIOR

ANTI-GROUP BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Side conversations

COPING• Ask for only one person at a

time to talk• Ask them to share with the

entire group• Move to stand or sit near them• Stop talking yourself• Call one by name• Rearrange seating so side

talkers can’t sit together• Enlist other group members'

help

CHATTY CATHY BEHAVIOR

ANTI-GROUP BEHAVIOR

HOSTILE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Loves to argue• Loves to win argument• Naturally combative or frustrated

or angry• Annoyed with leader or someone

else

COPING• Be fair . . . accept difference

of opinion as natural• Avoid taking sides• Find points of agreement• Control your temper• Designate another time

DEBATE TEAM BEHAVIOR

SIGNS• Uses put-downs• Tells ethnic, racial or

sexist jokes• Humor has underlying

meanness

COPING• Name what you see• Don’t laugh• Establish kindness

policy

DON RICKLES CLONE BEHAVIOR

HOSTILE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR

SENDING CLEAR MESSAGES

WHAT you say 7%

HOW you say it 38%

WHAT is seen 55%

COMMUNICATION ESSENTIALS