Contact Joy Allen, our Home Manager on01924 496 517 or email fhpark@rochehealthcare.comwww.rochehealthcare.co.uk

Moving into a care homeis a big step.

At Fieldhead Park we offer anexceptional level of personalisedcare for older people (includingrespite and dementia) tailored tothe needs of each individual toensure a real home-from-home.

FIELDHEADPARKRESIDENTIAL

Activities ProgramAt Fieldhead Park our Activitiesprogram is exceptional and theatmosphere is happy and sociable.From canal trips, coffee mornings,high-teas, entertainers and pamperingthere is something for everyone.

Home-from-homeBedrooms and lounges have beenluxuriously refurbished recently andare beautifully fi nished in a styleremaining true to the heritage of thebuilding.

MenuFresh, delicious meals are prepareddaily in our 5-Star Food Hygiene ratedkitchen using local produce wherepossible. We are currently holdersof Gold Healthy Choice Award fromKirklees Council so you can be surenutritional needs are met.

Warm welcomePlease don’t hesitate to get in touch ifyou’d like a guided tour – call ahead,or just call in if you’re in the area.

Issue No 30 – May/June 2014

2

Page 7 Page 20 Page 8 Page 24 Page 19 Page 19

Page 8 Page 16 Page 13 Page 9 Page 15 Page 19

Page 11 Page 23 Page 21 Page 18 Page 6 Page 5

War tears lives apart.Love can help piece them back together.This is the powerful messagefor Christian Aid Week – theChurch’s biggest co-operativeeffort to tackle poverty, hunger,inequality, and homelessness.The emphasis this year is on the42m people across the worldwho are currently driven fromtheir home by war in Syria, TheDemocratic Republic of Congoand other war zones. Theydescribe this as ‘an appallingstatistic and a stain onhumanity’, but Christian Aiddoes far more than wring its

hands at such a state of affairs.They encourage every church ofall denominations to believe thatwe can make a difference, andthey point to the amazing £12m+raised by 20,000 UK churcheslast year. This year they aspire todo even better and thereby send amessage to people across theworld living in fear – You arenot alone! They urge us todemonstrate God’s love bygiving, acting and praying, andthey emphasize that “We donot discriminate. We help people

according to need. Their faith,or lack of it, is of no interest tous. Some of our partners areChristian, some are Muslim orJewish or Hindu – some are ofno religious persuasion at all.Our primary concern is that theyare good at what they do. Theorganisation and its work isinspired by Christian values offaith, charity, hope and truth, butwe are not missionaries. In factto insist on Christianity as acondition of aid wouldcontradict our principle.”

‘aid’ is what we do, ‘Christian’ is why we do it.”

War tears lives apart.Love can help piece them back together

£1Christ the King

collectors will beat Mirfield Co-opon Saturday 17May and everypenny will be

welcome.

£15Provides

blankets toprotect refugeechildren from

bitter night timetemperatures.

£40Buys enoughgood quality,

nutritious foodfor two refugeechildren for a

month.

£150Supplies

emotionalsupport for achild deeply

traumatised bythe horrors

of war.

3

FFoosstteerr CCaarreeFFoorrttnniigghhttIn 2013 15,000 children were in foster care, which istwice as many as five years ago. This equates to one childbeing taken in to care every twenty minutes. A recentChannel 4 documentary revealed that Child Protectiondepartments across the UK are busier than ever, thereforethe demand for foster carers is higher than ever. Socialservices in every local authority arrange emergency andtemporary foster care for children who can no longer livewith their birth families while long term decisions are madeabout the best interests of the child.

Adverts pleading for foster carers around Kirklees andCalderdale are a familiar sight to us, maybe on a sign in themiddle of a busy traffic roundabout or across the side of apassing bus. We all know it is a desperate situation formany vulnerable children. Most people, no matter whetherthey have children of their own, feel that fostering is something they could or maybe should do through moralor emotional obligation. However, the impact on a stable family that a potentially ‘troubled’ child could havemay seem daunting to many; but surely the reward of providing a happy, threat-free home to anyone outweighsany initial hurdles. A Kirklees foster parent commented that “witnessing happy outcomes and the differenceI’ve been able to make to a child’s life, makes the job all the more worthwhile”.

The UK’s biggest recruitment drive, Fostercare Fortnight,will take place from 12th – 25th May. The nation’s leadingcharity for foster care, Fostering Network, runs this annualcampaign to raise the profile of fostering through the media.This year’s message follows the theme of ‘Guess whofosters’ which will aim to celebrate the expertise of currentfoster carers to attract more people like them. Their mainmessage is that it is impossible to tell from the outside who isa perfect foster parent, it is the real life Clark Kents who weartheir ‘superpowers’ on the inside that are best for the job!Last year’s successful campaign saw support from celebritiessuch as Gabby Logan and Gareth Gates who is from a familyof four children with over 50 foster children visiting hishome throughout his childhood. The Fostering Network havealso been successful in recently influencing changes inlegislation to allow young adults to stay with their fosterfamilies up to the age of 21, where previously they had toleave before their 18th birthday.

Training and support, both emotional and financial, is provided by local authorities. They work hard to matchchildren to best fit family circumstances. Kirklees ask potential foster carers to be committed to fostering,prepared to help the children move on and able to work as part of a team both within the family and with otheragencies. This can be on a short term basis (from a few weeks up to two years) or long term until the youngperson is ready to live independently. A short term foster mother from Mirfield said that, “with love andpatience the children come along in leaps and bounds, and for me there is nothing more rewarding”.

For more information, visit www.fostering.net4

Dorothy has been a foundation governor atBattyeford CE (C) School since 2010 and hasbeen involved in helping at school for some10 years. She will retire as a governor laterthis year when her current term of office endsbut will carry on helping in classes.Thank you Dorothy for all this.

Ancient Egypt: Pharaoh’ld project for Year ThreeGovernors at Battyeford School are asked to bea friend to a particular year group. I am the“friend” of Year 3 writes Dorothy Barker.

Just before Christmas I was delighted to receive lettersfrom the children inviting me to join them on a visit toManchester Museum as part of their topic for the springterm “Ancient Egypt”. Having visited Egypt I asked if Icould join them in class before the visit. The childrenwere very interested in photographs I had taken inEgypt.

Before the visit the first taskfor the children was to findout facts about the River Nile. They used iPads, net books and yes, even bookswith paper pages in! Other tasks included making a shaduf (used to move waterfrom the Nile onto the land) out of straws, plasticine & a bun case.After finding out about pyramids on the internet, they built a “pyramid of facts”.Learning about hieroglyphs (a picture of an object representing a word) and asarcophagus (stone coffin) was also on their agenda.

Our visit to the museum was reallyinteresting. The children were given iPads(to use as a camera) and they had to takephotos of certain things: something made

of wood, a precious object and something a Chantress (who sang to theGods in the temple) would use.

Building a pyramid outof foam blocks wasanother challenge.

And then we metAsram - a mummy. Ourguide explained about mummies including what happens tothe body before it is wrapped in bandages for burial. Some ofthe children thought Asram was scary whilst the othersthought it was “awesome”.

The visit was enjoyed by all and, thanks to the excellent guides, we all learnt a lot about Egypt and the “hands-on” part of the visit was particularly enjoyed by the children.

Personally I would just like to thank the children and their teacher Katie Noon for inviting me to Manchesterand also for the many hours I have spent in classwith them. It’s far more interesting than when I wasat school … but then, that was a long time ago.

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OLD COOKERYBOOKSI’ve always been interested in cookerybooks, writes Dorothy Kyne. My motherhad one dating from the thirties that Iread, but I don’t think she ever used it –rationing of course.

It had a gloomy dark browncover of some strange material,but inside there were glimpses ofanother world. I used to tickparticularly attractive recipes, butthe book vanished years ago and Ican’t remember what I liked. Shealso had, and used, what everyother woman had – the Be-Robook. I have a much later edition,without the sepia illustrations ofeager aproned girls, and it is stillthe best for scones and biscuits.Mine is the 33rd edition, andjudging from the illustrations(mother and daughter of course)is mid 1970s. Google tells me the41st edition is available.

But I want to concentrate ontwo Penguin favourites. Onewas first published in 1955. It’sRobin McDouall’s Cookery Bookfor the Greedy. Note the poshname. He was the secretary of aWest End club (gentlemen’s, notrough stuff) - and a columnist forthe upper class magazineHarper’s Bazaar. It has recipescalled Turbot Grille Roumens andNesselrode Pudding (reads asabsolutely delicious) but also hasstewed rhubarb, and doesn’t putin root ginger and dates as I do.He has recipes for animalinteriors we don’t do nowadays –sweetbreads and brains.

He uses French a lot; in Londonin the fifties posh food wasFrench. But it reads well and Iwill still consult it occasionally.The other book is KatharineWhitehorn’s ‘Cooking in aBedsitter’, published first in1961. I gave this to variousyoung people when they set off toUniversity. For those too youngto know, a bedsitter was a roomin somebody else’s houseequipped for livng and sleeping.She begins ‘Cooking a decentmeal in a bedsitter is not just amatter of finding something thatcan be cooked over a single gasring.

6

The Poets’ War - time for a rethink?Asks Nigel Day

As this year we turn our attention as a nation to the centenary ofthe outbreak of World War One, inevitably many of us reach forthe poetry of Wilfred Owen and Siegfried Sassoon, or the novelsof Erich Maria Remarque, Sebastian Faulks and Pat Barker toremind ourselves of what Owen called “The Pity of War”.

Our perceptions of the greatcataclysm of the early 20th

Century are almost inextricablybound up with a sense of futilityand waste which these writersarticulate with great power andwhich have been reiterated bymuch later contributions to thepopular imagination such as JoanLittlewood’s “Oh What a LovelyWar” in the 60s and “BlackadderGoes Forth” in the 80s. Thecommon themes in all thesewritings are the notions that thesacrifices of the slain werepointless and that these ‘lions’were sent to their deaths bycallous incompetents intent on nomore than “…moving GeneralHaig’s drinks cabinet a few feetcloser to Berlin”. (Blackadder)

Revisionist historians are nowattacking such prejudices. WilfredOwen, now considered the mostinfluential poetic voice of theperiod, was barely known, letalone read, while he himself wasalive. Indeed, he remainedvirtually unread until a literaryelite in the 1960s decided that heand Sassoon represented anauthentic view of the war whichchimed with their anti-warsentiments. This resulted in thepublication of two War Poetryanthologies, edited by BrianGardner and Ian Parsons whichfeatured the work of both these

poets and others who presentedWorld War One as futile. Inaddition, in 1962, celebratedpacifist Benjamin Britten’s WarRequiem was performed, featuringa number of musical settings ofOwen poems. Subsequently,Michael Morpurgo (War Horseand Private Peaceful), Pat Barkerand Sebastian Faulks have allacknowledged their debt to Owenand his contemporaries.

Sassoon was a much betterknown figure in his day thanOwen. He was a decorated warhero, awarded the Military Cross,and achieved notoriety in 1917 forwriting Finished with the War:A Soldier’s Declaration, an openletter to his commanding officer,which was read out in Parliamentby a sympathetic MP, and forwhich he narrowly avoided court-martial and disgrace. His literaryreputation was principally based(until the 1960s) on his semi-autobiographical trilogy,Sherston’s Progress, begun in1928 and completed in 1932.Since the 60s, Owen and Sassoonhave been regularly taught inBritish schools, so at least twogenerations have grown upassuming that their view shouldbe regarded as the view of a vastand complex conflict. Interestingly,two authors whose work hasbecome synonymous with anti-

war feeling, Robert Graves(Goodbye to All That) and R CSherriff (Journey’s End) wereboth horrified when they foundtheir writings being cited by thosewho believed the war to be acolossal waste. Both wrote toshow the nobility of comradeshipunder duress and intended nocriticism of the conduct of the war.

So where does this leave us? I donot believe that Sassoon andOwen et al should be disregarded.They have been influential voicesfor good reason: they are powerfuland sensitive poets whose poeticvisions deserve to be heard.However, perhaps the centenaryof The War to End All Wars is theappropriate time for us to revisitour ideas about that conflict andto acknowledge that ‘War Poetry’represents only a tiny percentageof the testimonies to life and deathwritten between 1914 and 1918. Afleeting dip into the vast reservoirof contemporary writings aboutthe war, personal and public, tellsus that there was a huge range ofhuman responses in which despairand disillusionment have only arelatively insignificant part toplay. Indeed, it seems that ageneral feeling of disillusionmentonly really seems to emerge in thelate 20s as economic hardshipbites and it becomes apparent thatthe brave new world for whichmany fought has not come about.

A final thought: All Quiet on the Western Front (published in 1929 and made into a film in 1930)became an important milestone in the way we think about World War One. It was written by ErichMaria Remarque, who never fought in the trenches; was only slightly wounded by shrapnel; and wascensured after the war for pretending to be a decorated officer!

7

Taking the CollarOn July 5th two CtK parishioners will beordained. Steve Rochell speaks first…..

The Yorkshire Ministry Course (YMC) grew out of the NorthernOrdination Course. It is part time and aims to train women and menstill working full or part time for Christian ministry. It drawscandidates from York, Leeds, Bradford, Wakefield and beyond andprepares people to enter full time stipendiary or part time selfsupporting ministry.

The training is mainly at the College of the Resurrection and I must share a few words about ‘Hogwarts’, asthe Retreat House next door is known. The space itself is very special and I am not the only one on the course tonotice the sense of calm, peace and, yes, holiness that is tangible throughout the site. The heartbeat of next door isthe brethren, or as a good friend of mine calls them, ‘the dads’. Their monastic pattern of worship sets the rhythmand tempo of the day and even when we are doing our own thing it is comforting and reassuring to know we arebeing prayed for! The teaching has been of the highest quality and on occasions it has felt as though I have had mybrain fried with some mind blowing as well as mind boggling concepts. Mostly though the teaching and discussionhas gently stretched, challenged, changed and affirmed ideas about God and his love for humanity and the world;ideas which I have had to reflect upon and critically analyse in essays. This is a degree course and as we all know toachieve a degree you have to write stuff down! Have I enjoyed these three years? Most definitely. I feel privilegedto have studied and made friends next door none of which could have happened without the generous support Ihave received from my friends here at CtK, so many of you so influential in so many ways and of course none ofthis would have happened without the love and support of Jean, Kate and Joanne!

As I prepare to take up my curacy after July 5th serving at Scholes, Hartshead, Hightown and Roberttown Iwish you all well and pray that God will bless the worship and witness of Christ the King and the community ofBattyeford. Thank you all so much! Steve x !

….and Sarah Farrimond continues…..For the past two years I have been training for ordained ministry atthe Queen’s Foundation in Birmingham. This is a residentialtheological college which trains both Anglicans and Methodists forordained ministry as well as people from various black majoritychurches. There are also students from around the world studying forMAs and PhDs. I have been studying full time on a ‘weeklycommuter’ pattern: I spend Monday –Thursday in Birmingham, buthave my weekend placement near home on Friday and Sunday atHartshead, Hightown, Roberttown and Scholes. I had my blockplacement for 10 weeks last summer in Middleton in South Leeds.

As well as the practical experience there is a lot of classroomteaching covering Biblical Studies, Leadership, Christian theologyand interfaith relations (amongst many others). I have also beenable to continue my own research into weddings and partnership

ceremonies. With the placements and academic work the timetable is quite full, but there are several otherimportant aspects to college life, which I have really valued. We are encouraged to think seriously about socialjustice. We are placed in ‘cell-groups’ of about 5 students that meet weekly for mutual support and prayer. We dovoluntary jobs that contribute to college life (I am a bar steward) and most importantly we worship God together ona daily basis, in services sometimes led by staff though often by students. Though in some ways returning to being astudent again was a bit strange, I have absolutely loved studying at Queen’s: there is a very diverse body ofstudents and it has been great fun studying and working with people with such a range of different perspectives.

Jean and Steve Rochell

Sarah & Ken Farrimond

8

Everyone at Christ the King wishes you well, Sarah and Steve. As you take thismomentous step, we hold you and your families in our thoughts and in ourprayers. We’ll miss you at Christ the King. God Speed!

A BRIEF BIOGRAPHY

Nick Baines (56) was born in Liverpool andattended Holt Comprehensive School. He gained aBA in German & French from Bradford Universityin 1980.

Prior to his ordination, he specialised in modernlanguages, working briefly in Germany and France andthen for four years at GCHQ as a Russian Linguist.

He was ordained in 1988 after training at TrinityCollege, Bristol. He served his curacies in theDiocese of Carlisle and then the Diocese ofLeicester where he remained as Vicar of Rothleyfor eight years as well as being Rural Dean ofGoscote. He became Archdeacon of Lambeth in 2000,Bishop of Croydon (in the Diocese of Southwark) in2003 and Bishop of Bradford in 2011.

During the last 20 years he has served on manybodies and has represented the Archbishop ofCanterbury overseas.

He has a keen interest in music, literature, art, film,theatre and football. He’s married to Linda (a healthvisitor and artist) and they have three adult children:Richard, Melanie and Andrew, and two grandchildren.

He is the author of several books. Of 'Finding Faith',his autobiographical book, the former Archbishop ofCanterbury, Dr Rowan Williams, said:

“Here is a book that manages to be livelyand profound at the same time . . . one ofthose books that makes you remember whyit's worthwhile being a Christian”.

The Bishop forWest Yorkshire& The Dales: Nick Baines

When Bishop Nick Baines’s appointment wasannounced in February the Archbishop ofYork, Dr John Sentamu, said, “I am delightedand am rejoicing in the nomination of BishopNicholas Baines to be elected as the firstBishop of Leeds, in the Diocese of WestYorkshire and the Dales. On the day ofPentecost, June 8th, we shall celebrate theInauguration of the new Diocese, and theConfirmation of Election of your new Bishop.I call on everyone in Bradford, Ripon & Leeds,and Wakefield Dioceses to join me in prayingfor Bishop Nick, and for Linda his wife, as theyprepare, with you, for this exciting newbeginning.”

9

Our new Bishop in his own wordsNew Media:“New media offer access topeople (like me – a bishop)who might otherwise seemto belong to a remote andmysterious world. They alsoenable us to engage outsideour self-selected safecommunities, be present in aspace where a different sortof conversation can be hadand allow connectivitybetween people, groups andideas that in a previousgeneration might not havebeen possible, even ifdesirable."

What the Church is for:“The Church exists to createthe space in which peoplecan find that they’ve beenfound by God”.

How the Churchcommunicates its message:"I’m passionate aboutChristian engagement in thebig wide world – not on ourown terms, but on the basisthat we get stuck inwherever we can; committedto the world in all its painand glory.”

Why religion must betaken seriously in thepublic square:“Religion simply will not goaway. Regardless of one’spersonal world view andphilosophical or religiousconvictions, religion as aphenomenon can’t beignored. In a world of fastnews and instantcommunication, the need forunderstanding andinterpretation of religion as aphenomenon, a motivator ofindividual and corporatebehaviour, and a factor inboth national and globalpolitical and economicevents, is greater than everbefore.”

Bishop Nick with his wife,Linda (left) and in partymode, (below).

10

Now here’s a puzzle! How many mums and babies can anyone identify? And who’s the Vicar?

1………………………………….2………………………………….3………………………………….4………………………………….5………………………………….6………………………………….7………………………………….8………………………………….9………………………………….10…………………………………11…………………………………12…………………………………13…………………………………14…………………………………15…………………………………16…………………………………17…………………………………18…………………………………19…………………………………20…………………………………Revd……………………………...

12 3 4 5 6 7 9

8 10

11 12 1314

15 16

1718 19

20

Now here’s a puzzle! How many mums andbabies can you identify? And who’s the Vicar?

1………………………………..2……………………………….3………………………………..4………………………………..5………………………………..6………………………………..7………………………………..8………………………………..9………………………………..10………………………………12………………………………13………………………………14………………………………15………………………………16………………………………17………………………………18………………………………19………………………………20………………………………Revd…………………………..

?

11

With a bit of luck, and relying entirely on our readers’memories, we hope to name them all in our next issue!

Answersto lastissue’spicture

quiz… not much

changethen, eh?

HHeelleenn LLiinnddaa CChhrriiss HHeelleennMMiittcchheellll SSaallttmmaarrsshhee SSwwiifftt GGrraannggee

FFiioonnaa RRuutthh IIaannTThhwwaaiitteess JJaammeess GGrraannggee

RRuutthhBBrrooaaddhheeaadd

Solutions from ourMarch/April issue

Fancy your hand at setting a crossword? Speak to one of the editorial team.

12

As you see,none of ushas changedmuch.

By Dorothy Kyne

The poet W.B. Yeats wrote in one poem of ‘the heaven’sembroidered cloths, enwrought with golden and silverlight.’ If we add rich scarlets, purples and greens to thepalette we come something near the exquisiteembroideries of Christ the King linens and vestments. I’msure I’m not the only one to be struck by them, and towonder how we came by them. The answer is CathMoore, needlewoman extraordinaire.

Cath started her remarkablecareer very early when hermother taught her to sew, and atsix she embroidered a tray cloththat she still has. Professionallyshe began at fifteen, sewingshrouds by hand. Shegraduated to machine sewingand by her early twenties was inAustralia with a tailoring firm,taking charge of the waistcoatdepartment, before she returnedto England. In 1984 she beganworking in Bradford College asthe Fashion Technician andwent on to teach there. Year onyear she studied and passedCity and Guilds examinations indifferent areas of textile craftswith outstanding success.

Then in 2004 she won aWorshipful Company ofHaberdashers’ Prize Medal, anda first prize from theWorshipful Company ofBroderers. These broughtcheques as well as celebratoryfeasts! She used the cheques tobuy materials for her voluntarywork in schools and shared herdelight in embroidery withmany lucky children. As wellas her work for the church she’sdone many secular creations.According to her husband,Tony, she’s decorated all stagesof human life – christeninggowns, wedding dresses, andthe shrouds with which shebegan her career.

Tony also notes that her workhas gone to all the continents.Beautifully embroideredmitres, copes, and stoles havegone to Newfoundland,Tanzania, South Africa,Australia and Burma. But we atChrist the King are especiallyfavoured in the work done bythis local artist andcraftswoman, which enrichesour worship. Cath loves herwork, and I found a quotationfrom John Ruskin, the Victoriansage, that seems very relevant.‘Fine art is that in which thehand, the head, and the heart ofman go together.’ Of course, inhis time, ‘man’ included‘woman’!

13

Left: Cath working on MaggieMcLean’s Cope in preparationfor her being made an HonoraryCanon of Wakefield Cathedral.

Cover picture: The stole made forSteve Rochell’s July ordination.

More examples of Cath’sextraordinary output appearopposite, and we thank husbandTony for his skill as aphotographer for these and otherimages that appear in BUZZ fromtime to time.

Maggie’s Cope depicting a CelticGoose. Christmas 2011

14

White Stole made for Maggie’s 50th

birthday to match the copeWhite stole made for the ordination of

Anne Young at Wakefield Cathedral 2005

White stole depicting Martha and Maryat Jesus’ feet made for the ordination of

Luke Maguire 2012

SUITS YOU, SIRSays Dorothy KyneWhen Michael Portillo visited Huddersfield last yearhe talked to a manufacturer who showed somethingto rival in excellence the celebrated Railway Station– fine worsted suiting.

The gentleman wore it too,contrasting with the colourfullight outfit of Portillo. Itreminded me of what we stilltake for granted in the WestRiding – the best suit. Oddlyenough, the fabric we know asworsted is named after a villagein Norfolk where the wool tradewas booming in the MiddleAges, Worstead. But worstedcelebrity moved to the placewhere the Colne and Holmerivers converged and the waterthat flowed from the MillstoneGrit Pennine Hills produced

particularly excellent resultswhen raw wool was washed in it.With the Industrial Revolutionthe mills came, and Huddersfieldflourished, and so did fineworsted, skilled tailors, and thebest suit.

I never realised the quality ofthese garments until I worked inEssex. My parents visited meand my father wore his best suit.We were in a pub in a villagewith the local gentry and Irealised that these well-heeledmen had suits that crumpled andsagged.

My father, retired skilledmanual worker, was the besttailored man there. Perhaps now,in the age of informality anddressing down, the best suit hasalmost vanished, but I think thatWest Riding triumph can still beseen at weddings and funeralsand retirement presentations,with the proper accompanimentof shirt and tie, but now withoutthe haunting fragrance ofmothballs.

Who remembers their first‘best suit’….and its price?

15

The Diocese is Dead….Long Live the DioceseMaggie McLeanBy the time you read this edition of Buzz the Diocese of Wakefieldwill be no more. Instead, Christ the King and the rest of the parishes

will be part of the Diocese of West Yorkshire and the Dales.

A packed cathedral inWakefield said a fond farewell to126 years of existence. It was asad moment for many, but alsoan occasion of thanksgiving.Forged out of the growingindustrial towns of the lateVictorian era Wakefield servedthe spiritual needs of a rapidlyincreasing population. As thearea grew there was acorresponding expansion ofchurch schools and, later, theemergence of a university inHuddersfield. The 20th centurybrought new challenges, not leastsocial changes that affected thechurch, such as the wideningarray of activities taking place ona Sunday.

Does the end of the Diocesematter? When it comes down toit a diocese is only a unit oforganisation. Like a city it has tohave certain characteristics,notably someone in charge, butthe possibility of re-structuringhas always been there. In someplaces, such as in Tanzania, there-structuring is going the otherway, splitting one large dioceseinto three.

Change is usually unsettling.For Christ the King, like manyother parishes, it probably meanslittle for the day-to-day operationof the church. Our parishboundaries will be the same; thePCC will remain the focus forour decision making; and we willstill need to send moneysomewhere to help with the costsof the local and wider church.

However, we have a newDiocesan Bishop, Nick Baines.Locally Battyeford is now in theHuddersfield episcopal area, andin due course there will be a newarea bishop to look after us.

One of the intentions for the newstructure for the diocese is tofocus a senior leadership teamcloser to parishes.

So in the Huddersfield area we’llhave the new bishop plusArchdeacon Anne (who led HolyWeek for us in April).

Any change can be daunting, butthe challenges of sharing theChristian faith remain the same.And I am hopeful that we’ll besupported more effectively inmeeting those challenges, sharingour strengths and resources.Christ the King knows from itsown history that change can bean opportunity for creativity. Iam hopeful that this change willgenerate new ways of working,fresh reflection on what helpsbuild up the body of Christ, andassist us to continue serving thecommunity of Battyeford.

Nick Baines & John Sentamu

The new Bishop of Huddersfield

Frequently Asked Questions about the new Diocese of West Yorkshire and the Dales

Why is all this happening? Answer: To become more efficient and save money.What happens to Bishop Tony? Answer: He becomes the Area Bishop of Wakefield.What happens to Bishop’s Lodge? Answer: The Church Commissioners will sell it.Where will the Cathedral be? Answer: Ripon, Bradford & Wakefield!Which Cathedral will we relate to? Answer: To be announced.Who will be Bishop of Huddersfield? Answer: We don’t know.Could it be a woman? Answer: God only knows.

16

Archdeacon Anne Dawtry

With its youngest member onlya month old, Battyeford’s JustSing really is a singing group foreveryone! No matter what theage or the singing ability, anyoneis welcome to join in and singalong. One of the singerscommented that, “the fact thatanyone can take part means thereis no pressure and it’s just fun”.The group is part of Christ theKing’s Tuesday night programmeat 7.15pm and runs on the firstTuesday of each month. Startingin September, the popular grouphas attracted members from thechurch and from the widercommunity who have said it is

“a nice end to the day, especiallyif you have had a stressful one”and “it’s informal and fun”.

The group’s director, HelenMitchell added, “The songs wesing are varied, from far andwide. We do ‘A Capella’ songs,learnt by ear and without musicnotation. We sing upliftingAfrican anthems, fun communitychoir songs from across the globe- anything goes really. We enjoyrounds and part songs withsoaring harmonies. The vibe isrelaxed and it's a funenvironment. We may enter theroom weighed down with theburdens of the day, but we leavefeeling lifted and refreshed forhaving sung our hearts outtogether. It's truly good for theheart, mind and soul!”

Helen is enthusiastic,motivating and committed to thegroup, taking only one sessionoff when she had just given birthto her daughter, Eadie inFebruary. Eadie was soonrecruited to the choir, hencebeing the youngest member.However, she is taking a veryrelaxed approach at the moment(sleeping through the music!).The other youngsters aged 9 and10 particularly love the warm upexercises! These involvephysical stretches, pulling facesto exercise the face muscles,warming up the voice andbeating their chests – Tarzanstyle!

The evenings also provide apleasant social time with a breakto have a cup of tea, enjoyLinda’s cakes and have a chat. Itallows everyone to get to knoweach other and they alwayswelcome new faces.

SeePage 19

formorenew

communityactivitiesbased atChrist

the kingbut

opento all

17

“It is soothing”“It is permission to be silly!”

“You don’t have to remember the words from one time to the next”“I feel better afterwards – physically and mentally”

“It’s a good laugh and always entertaining!”

Some singers’comments

The age of 94 may feel near to some readers and far distant toothers, writes Chris Swift. Even today, with a rising number ofcentenarians, it is a notable collection of years. I wonder what weimagine we might be doing if we reached this advanced age?

Mary Midgley, 94 (pictured) hasjust published her latest book andrecently acquired a treadmill. In aninterview she was keen to point outthat the treadmill was not ‘the fiercekind’ but one that enables her topractise her walking. During themorning Mary writes and in theafternoons conducts interviews anddeals with correspondence. Hernew book is entitled Are you anIllusion? and reflects her life-longacademic work as a moralphilosopher.

Although she grew up in a vicarageMary doesn’t believe in anyconventional understanding of God.However, she has been a fierce criticof Richard Dawkins and published astrong attack on his book The SelfishGene. As Mary put it in herinterview, Dawkins was not happywith her criticisms: “Everybodywas telling him he was the cat’swhiskers, you see, and I wasn’t”.

Midgley is an ardent opponent ofdogmatic materialism, the drive incontemporary culture that seeks toreduce everything to a material

explanation. So, for example, she isnot persuaded by those who suggestthat our understanding of genes willultimately account for who we are.Explaining her concern about thedivision of ‘objective’ science and‘subjective’ music/poetry, Midgleyemphasises that both forms ofunderstanding about the world passthrough ourselves. Human beingshave set the questions and themethods for scientific enquiry just asmuch as they have defined thecomposition of music and thequality of literature.

It is this aspect of Midgley’sphilosophy that intrigues me. Sooften it is assumed that the poorerparts of the world are rich inreligious faith because education isless advanced and rational thinkingis ill applied. This strikes me as aboth patronising and unreflective. Itcould equally be arguedthat the developed nationscontinuously distance themselvesfrom experiences over which theyhave little control.

In the West, we increasinglyperceive life through methods wehave devised and manufactured. Inother words we learn about theworld through television and othermeans shaped by our owninventiveness. We talk aboutourselves, through ourselves and toourselves.

The past popularity of someone likeRichard Dawkins is that they soughtto normalise this strange experienceof Western living. Yet this state ofaffairs is arguably a bubble both interms of the universe and also ofhuman history. For most of the timehuman beings have been aroundthey have shared religious faithalongside the unmediatedexperience of the universe and theextremes of human life.

I’m not sure I’ll make it to 94 (thereare days I’m not sure I’ll make it to50!). However, I hope that therewill continue to be those who speakto the world from the uniqueperspective of longevity, and thatthe world in turn will listen towisdom hard-won over manydecades.

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WISH YOU WERE a little more active? Our FitnessClub for the 50+ age group (men and women!) startsWednesday May 7th at the Church of Christ The Kingon Stocksbank Road. Gentle exercise, improvedmobility, plenty of fun and (we’re assured) no lycra!

OR MAYBE YOU’D LIKE to pick up where you left off allthose years ago with table-tennis, darts, scrabble andother indoor games. Just turn up at Christ the King at1.30pm on the second and fourth Thursday of eachmonth and PLAY. There is a suggested donation of £2per session to cover costs. Lost skills can be recovered!

LOCAL ARTISTS Judith Rowbottom and MalcolmGarside guide Battyeford Community Art Club onMonday mornings. You won’t be taught, but will gethelp, advice and mutual support from your fellowmembers. And you keep your ear.

Times are from 1.30 to 2.30pm and there is a charge of £3.50 per session.Qualified instructor and Mirfield girl Gayle Oldroyd will lead the group and AnitaSmith has more information. Call her on 01924-518681.

HOW ABOUT HAVING A GO at tap-dancing? CandyWilman hopes to start a class for adults soon and nowwants to gauge interest before fixing dates andtimes. Call her on 07968 993 542.

19

LOCAL ARTISTS Judith Rowbottom and MalcolmGarside guide Battyeford Community Art Club onMonday mornings. You won’t be taught, but will gethelp, advice and mutual support from your fellowmembers. And you keep your ear.

BBiisshhooppHHiillkkiiaahh’’ssLLaassttVViissiitt

TThhee RRtt RReevvdd HHiillkkiiaahh OOmmiinnddoo DDeeyyaa rreettiirreess nneexxtt yyeeaarr aatt tthhee aaggee ooff 6655,, wwhhiicchh wwiillll aallssoo bbee tthhee2211sstt aannnniivveerrssaarryy ooff hhiiss eelleeccttiioonn aass BBiisshhoopp ooff MMaarraa.. CChhrriisstt tthhee KKiinngg wwaass ggiivveenn tthhee hhoonnoouurr ooffhhoossttiinngg aa ddiioocceessaann ffaarreewweellll ppaarrttyy ffoorr hhiimm oonn hhiiss llaasstt vviissiitt ttoo WWaakkeeffiieelldd,, aanndd tthhoossee wwhhoo aatttteennddeedd,,tthhoouugghh ddiissaappppooiinnttiinnggllyy ffeeww iinn nnuummbbeerr,, hhaadd aa rraarree ttrreeaatt..

AAss hhee ttaallkkeedd aabboouutt hhiiss lliiffee wweelleeaarrnneedd wwhhaatt aa lloonngg jjoouurrnneeyy iitt hhaassbbeeeenn ffoorr tthhee mmaann wwhhoo sstteeeerreedd hhiissddiioocceessee ffrroomm iittss oorriiggiinnaall 1122ppaarriisshheess ttoo tthhee ppooiinntt wwhheerree,, wwiitthh113322 ppaarriisshheess sspprreeaadd oovveerr aa vvaassttaarreeaa,, hhee ttooookk tthhee mmoommeennttoouussddeecciissiioonn ttoo sspplliitt MMaarraa iinnttoo tthhrreeee..TTaarriimmee aanndd RRoorryyaa tthheenn eemmeerrggeeddaass nneeww ddiioocceesseess ttoo tthhee nnoorrtthh oofftthhee RRiivveerr MMaarraa.. TThhiiss,, aatt tthhee ssaammeettiimmee aass wwee iinn WWaakkeeffiieelldd wweerreemmeerrggiinngg wwiitthh oouurr nneeiigghhbboouurrss ttooccoommpprreessss tthhrreeee ddiioocceesseess iinnttoo oonnee,,sseeeemmeedd ttoo bbee aa ppaarrttiiccuullaarrllyyppooiiggnnaanntt ddeevveellooppmmeenntt.. HHeerree iissssoommee ooff wwhhaatt HHiillkkiiaahh ttoolldd uuss..

““II wwaass bboorrnn iinn KKaarruukkeekkeerree,,aa vviillllaaggee cclloossee ttoo LLaakkee VViiccttoorriiaa..MMyy ffaatthheerr hhaadd ffiivvee wwiivveess,, aanndd IIwwaass tthhee yyoouunnggeesstt cchhiilldd ooff hhiissffiirrsstt.. WWee lliivveedd iinn aa hhuutt mmaaddee ooffssttiicckkss aanndd mmuudd.. WWee hhaadd nnoo

mmoonneeyy,, bbuutt wwee hhaadd hheennss.. IIff wweenneeeeddeedd ssoommeetthhiinngg tthhaatt ccoossttmmoonneeyy wwee ssoolldd oonnee oorr ttwwoo hheennss..

MMyy ffiirrsstt jjoobb aass aa cchhiilldd wwaass ttoohheerrdd ggooaattss.. II ssttaarrtteedd sscchhooooll wwhheennII wwaass tteenn aatt MMaassiinnoonnoo,, 1122kkmm ((77½½mmiilleess)) aawwaayy.. WWee wwaallkkeedd ttoosscchhooooll tthhrroouugghh ggrraassss ttaalllleerr tthhaannoouurrsseellvveess aanndd wwiitthh lliioonnss aannddssnnaakkeess aalloonngg tthhee wwaayy.. OOnnccee wweehhaadd ttoo ccrroossss tthhee rriivveerr wwhhiicchh hhaaddsswwoolllleenn wwhhiillsstt wwee wweerree aatt sscchhoooollbbyy hhaannggiinngg oonn ttoo tthhee ttaaiillss ooff ccoowwsswwhhiicchh aallssoo wwaanntteedd ttoo ccrroossss..

II wwaass nnoott ooffffeerreedd aa ppllaaccee aattsseeccoonnddaarryy sscchhooooll ssoo mmyy ffaatthheerrsseenntt mmee ttoo KKeennyyaa aanndd iitt wwaass iinnNNaaiirroobbii tthhaatt II tthheenn ttrraaiinneedd ttoo bbeeaann aaccccoouunnttaanntt.. II lliikkeedd tthhee iiddeeaa ooffwweeaarriinngg aa ssmmaarrtt ssuuiitt aanndd eeaarrnniinnggggoooodd mmoonneeyy.. BBuutt aafftteerr aatttteennddiinngg aacchhuurrcchh mmeeeettiinngg II ffeelltt ccaalllleedd ttoosseerrvvee GGoodd..

II wwaass ggrreeaattllyy iinnfflluueenncceedd bbyyaann eevvaannggeelliisstt iinn MMaarraa wwhhoo aallssoohhaappppeenneedd ttoo bbee tthhee ffaatthheerr ooff mmyyffuuttuurree wwiiffee,, MMaarrtthhaa,, ssoo aa vviissiitt ttoohhiiss hhoouussee aallwwaayyss hhaadd ttwwooppuurrppoosseess!! IItt iiss aa ccuurriioouuss tthhiinngg tthhaattMMaarrtthhaa hhaass oovveerrttaakkeenn mmee iinn hheerrpprrooffeessssiioonnaall ccaarreeeerr aass,, wwhhiillsstt IIhhaavvee bbeeccoommee mmeerreellyy tthhee BBiisshhooppooff MMaarraa,, sshhee hhaass bbeeccoommeePPrreessiiddeenntt ooff tthhee MMootthheerrss’’ UUnniioonnffoorr tthhee wwhhoollee ooff TTaannzzaanniiaa!!

II nneevveerr eexxppeecctteedd ttoo bbee cchhoosseennaass BBiisshhoopp ooff MMaarraa aanndd ccoouulldd nnoottsseeee mmyysseellff iinn tthhaatt ppoossiittiioonn.. TToo bbeettrruutthhffuull,, iitt iiss nnoott aann eennjjooyyaabbllee jjoobbaass eevveerryyoonnee hhaass eexxppeeccttaattiioonnss ooffyyoouu tthhaatt aarree iimmppoossssiibbllee ttoo ffuullffiillll..PPeerrhhaappss aannyyoonnee wwhhoo ddooeess eennjjooyy iitthhaass ttaakkeenn tthhee jjoobb ffoorr tthhee wwrroonnggrreeaassoonnss.. II aamm nnooww llooookkiinnggffoorrwwaarrdd ttoo rreettiirreemmeenntt aanndd ppllaann ttoobbeeccoommee aa ffaarrmmeerr oonnccee aaggaaiinn..””

Hilkiah at Christ the King

WWee tthheenn aasskkeedd HHiillkkiiaahh aabboouutt hhiiss wweellll kknnoowwnn iinntteerreesstt iinn AArrsseennaall FFoooottbbaallll CClluubb aanndd ddiissppllaayyeeddtthhee ddooccttoorreedd ppiiccttuurree sshhoowwnn aabboovvee,, wwhhiicchh ssoo aammuusseedd hhiimm tthhaatt hhee lleeaappeedd uupp ttoo pphhoottooggrraapphh iitt..

WWee wwiisshh HHiillkkiiaahh aanndd MMaarrtthhaa aann eennjjooyyaabbllee aanndd ppeeaacceeffuull rreettiirreemmeenntt iinn tthheeiirr MMuussoommaa hhoommeeaanndd,, aalltthhoouugghh tthhiiss wwaass bbiilllleedd aass tthheeiirr llaasstt vviissiitt ttoo WWaakkeeffiieelldd DDiioocceessee,, wwhhoo kknnoowwss wwhheetthheerr oorrnnoott tthheeyy mmiigghhtt oonnee ddaayy vviissiitt tthhee DDiioocceessee ooff WWeesstt YYoorrkksshhiirree aanndd tthhee DDaalleess!!

KKaarriibbuunnii tteennaa!! ((WWeellccoommee bbaacckk))

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As the country approaches thetime when our Celtic cousinsdecide whether or not they wishto continue to gorge, leech-like,on the UK taxpayers’ hugeWestminster subsidies or whetherthey want to detach themselvesfrom the UK and see if they canfind another host in the economicjungle upon whom to batten,(a.k.a. voting for Scottishindependence) may I draw yourattention to the fact that there isanother, and far more deservingcase for independence fromLondon. I refer, of course, toGod’s own country: Yorkshire.

Could we stand alone? Ofcourse we could! Yorkshire’spopulation is about the same asthat of Scotland. Our economicoutput (once the fortunate andvery finite asset of North Sea Oilhas been filleted out of theaccounts) is greater, and we havethe largest Gothic cathedral inEurope, situated in what would,had Harald Hardrada been luckierat Stamford Bridge in 1066,probably have been the capitalof England – York.

And there’s more! Scotlandboasts of its whisky distilleries,

but there are over 80 Real Alebreweries in Yorkshire whichaccount for a third of the UK’sbeer? (And anyone who hastasted Scottish beer knows whythe national drink is whisky.)Also, there are more Michelinstarred restaurants in Yorkshirethan anywhere outside London.Yes, I know about sheep’s stomachsstuffed with barley and offal(haggis), but who wouldn’t ratherhave a Yorkshire pudding andgravy to start with and a curd tartto finish off? Trust the Scots tomake a national dish out ofsomething most people throw away!

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As for well-defined regionalidentity, the Scots seem to thinkthat a couple of battles, a hatredof London, wearing skirts andtooting on an instrument whichcan only play in a minor key (andthen only like a bag of adult catsbeing slowly crushed) makesthem a special case. Not so! Thehistory of Yorkshire, from theConqueror’s Harrying of theNorth in 1074 to the callousbutchering of its traditionalboundaries in 1974 has bred inour people 900 years’ worth ofhatred and mistrust of any edict

which issues from south of theHumber, and we have our ownlanguage and culture, rooted inthose of our Anglish and Norseancestors, which we can celebratewithout dressing up like a load ofJessies.

Literature? They have Burns;We have Marvell and Larkin.They have Scott; we have theBrontes. I know which I wouldrather read. Sport? True, we havenot given the Art of Belting aLittle White Ball into a Hole witha Stick to the world, but who

wants to be held responsible for“a good walk in loud trouserswell and truly spoiled”, anyway?Besides, we can justly be proudof introducing the world to the farmore manly and noble pursuit ofRugby League! So there you are!Eat your heart out, AlexSalmond! Tremble in your boots,David Cameron!

Who cares about Scotland?Let ‘em go. Now, if Yorkshireleft… that would be a disaster forthe UK.

Some facts about Yorkshire:Population in 2011 5,234,700 (Scotland 5,295,000)Area 2,941,247 acresEconomic Output £88 billion (7% of UK’s total economic output)Largest centre for financial and business services outside London - Leeds2,600 ancient monuments of national importance (14% of the UK total), 800 conservation areasand 116 registered parks and gardens (each 8% of the UK total). (Heritage Counts 2008).Home to two UNESCO World Heritage sites, including Studley Royal in North Yorkshire,one of the first to be designated in the UK, and more recently Saltaire Village in WestYorkshire (World Heritage).The largest Gothic Cathedral in Northern Europe, York Minster, took 252 years to buildand contains 128 stained glass windows.Mother Shipton's Cave and Petrifying Well, in Knaresborough North Yorkshire, is theoldest registered visitor attraction in Britain, opening for the first time in 1630.(VisitBritain).The North Yorkshire Moors Railway is the longest steam operated railway in the UK, withover 18 miles of track.Standedge Tunnel in Huddersfield is the highest, longest and deepest canal tunnel in thecountry, at around 3¼ miles long.

22

Get out of the car!Bill JonesSixty years a driver – I love my cars! Graduating from two wheels tofour via NSU Quickly (120mpg), Vespa, Lambretta, Lambretta withsidecar, Renault 4 Van (£400 brand new!), Vauxhall Viva, Ford Cortina(2), Renault 16, Landrover, Suzuki Trail Bike, Daihatsu 4WD, Toyota

Hilux, Toyota Landcruiser, Motor Home (2), Skoda

But on April 2nd , I stopped.Having decided some time ago thatI would do so on reaching the age of80, I got round to thinking ‘Why notdo it now, when I’m still agile enough(no laughter please) to learn about thejoys of waiting at a bus stop?’

So, the deed was done, and a niceman from Wewillbuyyourcar.comcame round and took my wheelsaway. How did it feel - awful! Butwe soon began to enjoy it, and withcareful preparation it’s not so drasticas it seems. Obviously, life has toslow down, but that’s OK. We can’tjump in the car and just gosomewhere – it needs planning.Buses are slow, but they’re free andwe’re learning the local schedules.

And when there isn’t a bus, wellthere are plenty of taxis around anda local ride costs £3. Even the 4 ½miles from our Gomersal to Christthe King is only £5.70, and if thatsounds a lot, have a look at the AA’sassessment of what we spend oncars. They divide the costs ofmotoring into Standing Charges,which cover the bills we have to paywhether we use the car or not, andRunning Costs, which are what weactually pay when we use the car.

Standing charges include annualcar tax, insurance, the cost of capitalused for the vehicle, the loss ofvalue of the vehicle (depreciation)and breakdown cover. Depreciationwhich is affected by mileage and is

usually the biggest single cost factoris easy to lose sight of it in terms of

day-to-day expense.

Running costs are those that dependdirectly on using the vehicle. Fuel isthe big one here but the AA alsoincludes parking, road tolls, tyres,servicing and repair costs. Motoringisn’t cheap. By the AA’s calculationmy economical Skoda, doing 10,000miles a year, costs 46.22p a mile tokeep on the road and that comes to£4,622 a year, or £88.88 a week.So far, our weekly transport spendis only £28.10, so we’re winning.

And the big bonus – we’re gettingfitter. Walking to shops and busstops is good exercise!

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GGeett oouutt ooff tthhee ccaarr!!BBiillll JJoonneessSSiixxttyy yyeeaarrss aa ddrriivveerr –– II lloovvee mmyy ccaarrss!! GGrraadduuaattiinngg ffrroomm ttwwoo wwhheeeellss ttooffoouurr vviiaa NNSSUU QQuuiicckkllyy ((112200mmppgg)),, VVeessppaa,, LLaammbbrreettttaa,, LLaammbbrreettttaa wwiitthhssiiddeeccaarr,, RReennaauulltt 44 VVaann ((££440000 bbrraanndd nneeww!!)),, VVaauuxxhhaallll VViivvaa,, FFoorrdd TTrraannssiitt,,FFoorrdd CCoorrttiinnaass ((22)),, RReennaauulltt 1166,, LLaannddrroovveerr,, SSuuzzuukkii TTrraaiill BBiikkee,, DDaaiihhaattssuu44WWDD,, TTooyyoottaa HHiilluuxx,, TTooyyoottaa LLaannddccrruuiisseerr,, MMoottoorr HHoommeess ((22)),, SSkkõõddaass ((44))aanndd ootthheerrss wwhhiicchh mmaaddee lleessss iimmppaacctt,, II hhaavvee cclleeaarrllyy ssppeenntt aa lliiffee oonn wwhheeeellss..

WWhhoo ttoo RRiinngg @@ CChhrriisstt tthhee KKiinnggVicar: Maggie McLean 01924-493277

ChurchwardensTony MoorePeter Westerby

01924-49697801924-496257

Licensed Reader Ian Grange 01924-493108PCC Treasurer Ruth Broadhead 01924-848867Baptisms Helen & Ian Grange 01924-493108Caretaker Philip Wood 01924-496247Centre manager Maggie McLean 01924-493277Organist Garth Swift 01924-406272Choir Nigel Day 01924-430415Child protection David Atkinson 01924-494477Sacristan Maureen Jones 01274-872729Buzz editorial Bill Jones 01274-872729Buzz delivery Marjorie Mitchell 01924-494786Buzz advertising Helen Grange 01924-493108Kumon Barbara Cooper 07578-629297School Governors Peter Westerby 01924-496257Jesus & Me (S,School) Fiona Thwaites 01924-511685Butterflies Dorothy Barker 01924-523389Caterpillars Mo Thwaites 01924-517473Scouts David 07901-3379397th Guides Carole Wilson 01924-4803827th Brownies Fiona Thwaites 01924-511685Cubs & Beavers Liz Brennand 07800-943897Luncheon Club Maureen Jones 01274-8727291st Rainbows Fiona Thwaites 01924-5116857th Rainbows Pat Hargreaves 01924-492511Chi Kung Carolyn Westerby 01924-496257Website Tony Moore 01924-496978

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Call Helen on 01924-493108competitive rates.

Artwork supplied free 24

PHIL WAS A DENTIST and Susan a manicurist. They fell madly in love and married, but it didn’t workout well as they fought tooth and nail. All she got out of the marriage was a new name and a dress. Theyargued about everything, including food, and he wasn’t impressed by her insistence that a boiled egg ishard to beat. They even fell out when the TV remote wouldn’t work because the batteries he’d got fornothing turned out to be free of charge. Things came to a head when he began shoplifting and stole acalendar from WH Smiths. All he got was twelve months, and that didn’t deter him from going from oneshopping centre to another until, exasperated, she said “When you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’veseen a mall.” After only a few years Susan felt she had aged before her time and when she saw her firststrands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. Instead, she decided to kill her husband and seizing theopportunity of a visit to a furniture factory she pushed him into an upholstery machine. He survived,however, and is now fully recovered. After that, Phil became increasingly suspicious of his wife’s intentionsand took steps to cut her out of his will, leaving all his money to a dog’s home. It was a dead giveaway.

How many Anglicans…..…does it take to change a light bulb? BUZZactually knows the answer to this age-oldquestion, and it’s four. Tim Clough, TonyMoore, Robert Hirst and John Speight took it inturns up a ladder in the Vestry in April but evenwith all that impressive amount of man-powerat work, the job stayed undone. And why?It was the wrong sort of bulb.

Thought for the Day

You can tune apiano, but youcan’t tuna fish

25

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RHFTHE ASSURANCEOF

Buzz is published by Battyeford Parish Church

Christ the King

Morning Prayer at 9am Monday to Friday

Sunday 8.00amHoly CommunionA quiet service, no hymns; 15-20 people attend.

Sunday 10.00amHoly Communion with music; 100+ people attend.Crèche, Sunday School, Refreshments.

Wednesday 10.00amQuiet Holy Communion. 35-40 people attend; refreshments.

Friday 2.00pm‘Butterflies’ (Service & Activities) or ‘Caterpillars’ (Activities only) fortoddlers along with whoever brings them along

www.christthekingbattyeford.org

Vicar: The Revd Canon Maggie McLean 01924-493277maggie@christ-the-king.co.uk

Opinions expressed in BUZZ may not always reflect those of the Church

Sewing Bee: 1st & 3rd Monday, 1pm

Luncheon Club: Every Tuesday, 12 noon

Various activities every Tuesday 7.15pm

Activities, meetings and things going on all week.See weekly notice sheet available in church and signposted on the TV screen

or talk to any member of the congregation.Everyone welcome!

Church Wardens Peter Westerby 01924 – 496257 skipper.1@talktalk.netTony Moore 01924 – 496978 tony-moore@tinyworld.co.uk

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Buzz Editorial Team:Nigel Day, Helen Grange, Ian Grange, Ruth James, Bill Jones, Dorothy Kyne, Linda Saltmarshe, Chris Swift.

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