FINDING TRUE LOVE ONLINE Writing Your Online Dating Profile

I. Your Main Profile—A Two Paragraph Summary:

The first paragraph is the “about you” section. In this section give a brief description of who you are, your values,

favorite activities and what qualities you bring to a relationship. In the second paragraph write about the type of

person you are looking for. Use your Questionnaire to help you write these paragraphs.

II. Tips on Writing Your Summary:

1. Be Succinct. A profile that rambles on and on is a total turn-off! Each paragraph should be no longer than 150

words.

2. Be Honest. Do not lie about your age, income, custody arrangement with your children, body type etc. If

you just started working out do not included that as one of your favorite activities. Remember – if you end up

in a relationship based on lies it won’t last! Your true love will love you for who you are– guaranteed!

3. Be Creative. Tell a story with your profile. Just listing adjectives, like fun, adventurous, outgoing or activities

like hiking, biking, music, travel does not reveal who you are. Instead say, I love baseball and you can always

catch me in SD at the first Padres game of the season in my favorite spot just above first base.

4. Be Confident, not Arrogant. No one likes someone who brags. Bragging demonstrates insecurity. Know that

your True Love is coming and feel optimistic about attracting your Ideal Mate through a profile that is a true

reflection of who you are.

5. Be Positive. I personally refused to communicate with any man who said “No Drama”. I don’t care who they

were or what they looked like. Focus on the qualities you are looking for, such as meeting “a man who values

commitment and monogamy as much as I do” instead of saying “no players.”

6. Be a Proofreader. Using poor grammer and having typographical errors is shows laziness and lack of caring.

My favorite sample from www.profilehelper.com: I have 3 kids who are with me half of the time and I love every minute I get to spend with them. We're a Christian family and active in our church. My family and friends are important to me and we spend a lot of time with them. We have a camper that the kids and I love to use as much as possible, and are looking forward to the spring! Hik-ing, fishing, and hanging out by the campfire can't come soon enough. I've got a reputation for having some of the best BBQ feasts and they always draw a big crowd of friends for food, refreshments, and great conversation by the pool. Beyond that, I love the symphony, exploring museums, and quiet nights eating popcorn and watching a good movie. I am looking for the girl that I can get lost in conversation with just as easily as we can share one of those moments of comfortable silence in each others arms. I love to laugh and joke around. My job is awesome, but I know when I come home that this is where my priorities and true happiness are. I want to share both our passions, some of mine, some of yours, some new ones we find together. If you are Christian, enjoy children, and enjoy the out-doors, we already have a lot in common. One of my favorite Psalms has a verse that says " Delight yourself in the lord and he shall give you the desires of your heart". I am hoping that together we can live that verse well into our golden years.

III. Your Profile Pictures:

1. Pick your main profile picture. It should be a head shot that is current, flattering easy to see and with a

great smile. The smile is the no. 1 thing people find attractive about another person.

2. Select 3-7 Pictures of you doing activities you love, golfing, surfing, at sporting events, places you have

traveled with friends and family having fun and pictures of you with your children or/and pets. Pick one

full length picture to include as well. All photos should be current.

3. Do NOT put up too many pictures of your children or pets, or pictures of just your children or pets

Remember your profile is a the best representation of who you are

so you attract someone who enjoys the things you do and is attracted to the real you, not you 20 years ago.

Pamela Vandervoort, MA; www.datingfortruelove.com

FINDING TRUE LOVE ON-LINE Preparing Your Profile Narrative.

Use the following questions to assist you with writing your profile:

1. How do you spend your spare time? What are your favorite activities?

2. Think of some funny stories from some of your adventures you can use in your profile.

Be descriptive.

2. What great qualities do you bring to a relationship. What makes you a great catch.

3. What qualities are you looking for in a partner? Identify a picture in your mind of what your

ideal partner would look like. For example, one client wanted a “grown up eagle scout”. Other

Examples may be a favorite actor, male role model, or a person you know. What qualities does

this person possess? Why do you like them?

PAMELA VANDERVOORT, MA; www.datingfortruelove.com

FINDING TRUE LOVE ONLINE Dating Site Overview

1. The Open Communication Sites: These sites allow you communicate with anyone without restric-

tions. You can search for potential mates by zip code, interests, and similar profiles. They have a

membership cost to join. The most popular sites are:

Match.com: Ranked no. one by Consumer Search with over 15 million subscribers.

Zoosk.com: The Facebook dating site, large number of singles, initial contact is free

Perfect Match.com: Large number of singles, compatibility and open communication

Spark.com: Also high number of singles and ranked as a popular site as well.

2. Compatibility Matching Sites: These have extensive personality testing and match you only with peo-

ple you are determined to be compatible. These are slightly more expensive. You are also more

limited in the number of people you are able to communicate with.

The most popular are:

Chemistry.com: An affiliate of match.com, This site is ranked to be second of all internet

dating sites by Consumer Search and is the top ranked compatibility site.

E-Harmony.com: The most known and exclusive. There is a very long personality test and is know

to for people who are serious daters.

3. Free Sites: These sites cost nothing to join or participate. The most popular are:

OkCupid: Ranked no. one by Consumer Search. Has a lot of neat functions and extras.

Very popular and upcoming site.

Plentyoffish: Smaller membership, more “casual daters” than serious relationship daters.

Others: Cupid.com, Zoosk is somewhat free, and Date.com

4. Specialty Dating Sites: There are specialty sites for almost everyone, including a new site for people

with pets. You can find them by searching online by topic. I highly recommend specialty sites if you

are a practicing christian, jewish or feel more comfortable wth a particular demographic group. Exam-

ples are:

JDate.com: The premier online Jewish site, now open to non-jewish people.

LoveandSeek.com. and Christiansingles.com: Christian dating sites.

SeniorPeople.com: Ranked no. one by Consumer Search for mature daters.

Others: MatureSinglesover40, Over40andSingle and babyboomerpeoplemeet (free)

How about We: This is a new upcoming site, designed to get you out doing activities.

Spiritual Singles: A good site for spiritual non religious people.

ActivesSingles: For people who are very physically fit and activity oriented.

DinnerDating: A dinner and dating site in San Diego, but many other cities have local sites like

this too.

Pamela Vandervoort, MA; www.datingfortruelove.com

FINDING TRUE LOVE ONLINE Pam’s Picks:

Best Open Communication Site:

Match.com has the largest number of subscribers. It has a lot of tools to help you find matches that you

liked:

1. Find More Like Him/her: This is the best tool for finding potential matches. When you see a

profile you like, click on find more like him and you will find other matches with similar characteristics.

Then you can wink and/or email the people you find interesting. It has become more relationship ori-

ented due to its advertising.

2. You can also see who has viewed you and wink or email them too.

3. You receive daily suggestions and you can find those people you like and find more potential

matches that way.

Best Compatibility Matching Site

E-Harmony has the second largest number of subscribers due to an increase in advertising efforts.

There is a rigorous application process and that does not appeal to many people so go to Chemistry

then if you are not up for the long process. You are only matched with people you are compatible with.

If you want to find more matches you can ask to receive more matches on e-harmony and be matched

with people with “lower compatibility” but they send them to you. Very relationship oriented.

Best Free Site

OK Cupid. A lot of people love this site because it provides a lot of information about you and your

matches. And a lot of feedback about your dating process. I know people who have found love on OK

Cupid and swear by it. There are many different ways to contact people and to find people you are in-

terested in.

Plenty of Fish is very popular as well. The feedback have received is that many of the matches are not

as relationship oriented as other sites.

Best Specialty Sites

How About We encourages people to get off-line, engage in activities and start meeting in the real

world. It is popular in most major cities like LA, Chicago, New York and San Diego. There is a way to

find more matches that are similar to people you like. You can also say “I’m Intrigued” instead of wink-

ing.

JD Date for Jewish singles, but is not limited to only Jewish people, is a popular website for meeting

commitment minded people,

Christian Singles is also very popular for people who are active Christians and wants to be with some-

one who shares their values.

How to do online dating: Pick one main site either Match or E-Harmony and then pick a free site like

OK Cupid or specialty site like How About We and try them both. Experiment with the different

types of people on each site.

Remember– HAVE FUN like a kid in a candy store!!!

Pamela Vandervoort, MA; www.datingfortruelove.com

FINDING TRUE LOVE ONLINE Mastering the Communication Process

BE PROACTIVE AND FIND THE PEOPLE YOU LIKE Most people complain that their biggest challenge is they do not find people that they like. One of the benefits of on-

line dating is you have access to lots of single people in your area and the opportunity to find other singles you are actu-

ally interested in instead of trying to go out to bars or restaurants looking for single people.

Making contact:

Women: Dating is a dance and in the natural order of things, women do the picking! It is 100% ok to let a man know

you are interested. In fact, it is necessary! Most men will never approach a woman unless she gives him encourage-

ment! Winking is the on-line version of flirting. Or send a quick email if you feel inspired. Go for it!

Men: Women like men who are confident so don’t wink send an email. Women also love men who make them laugh

and pay attention to them. So read the profile and send them a brief funny email commenting positively on her profile.

EMAILING: When sending an email use proper grammar, and check your spelling. Keep it short and simple. Do not write a novel.

Do not ask deep philosophical questions. It is great to ask an open ended question pertaining to their profile. For ex-

ample, I noticed you recently vacationed in Paris and went to the Louvre, I love the Louvre, what was your favorite ex-

hibit? Tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine :). Make your emails playful and fun and you can’t lose.

If you do not hear back from someone. Move on to the next. Remember reciprocity on both sides is necessary for suc-

cessful dating. Don’t ask them why they stopped emailing. Never get into arguments with people via email. Remember

you don’t know them! Move on to the next.

GETTNG OFFLINE: It is beneficial to exchange a few emails to get to know each other better. But then within a few weeks it should be time

to move offline. Women even if you have winked at him, let the man take the lead. Men– step up and take the lead.

After two or three emails it is time to exchange phone numbers. After a few phone conversations its time to have a date.

Skype: If you are uncertain if you want to take the time to date someone I highly recommend skype. You can get a

much better sense of the person and see if you want to pursue the relationship further.

DATING ETIQUETTE

Be Detached: Even if someone seems amazing from his profile, do not check 3x a day to see if he emailed or worse

check to see if he is online. Remember you do not know him. You are overreacting if you become upset by the

behavior of an early acquaintance. Agonizing if an online person likes you are not is a waste of time.

Be Understanding. Everyone has a different comfort level with the time it takes from winking, emailing, talking on

the phone to an actual date. People’s lives also vary. Sometimes its fast and sometimes its slow.

How Long is too Long? Being understanding is one thing, but relationships do need to progress. If you are

emailing back and forth with someone REGULARLY for two weeks without a phone call enough is enough! Simply say

“I have enjoyed our emails but it would be nice to get to know you a little better”. A relationship is either growing or

dying, if it is not moving forward at a reasonable pace, then move on!

Be Interested, Not Interviewing : Keep your emails light an fun. Flirting and joking in online emails, talking

about fun activities is appropriate on line dating conversation. Being too goal oriented, or relationship oriented is not an

appropriate way of “getting to know someone. You have plenty to time to decide if their the one.

Timing is Everything: Spend about one hour per day on-line. Don’t wait 5 days to get back to someone but don’t

be right there online waiting to hear back.

Monogamy is a Myth: Do not expect monogamy during the initial stages of dating. Understand that everyone is

online to meet other singles. Do not get upset that they are communicating with others even if you had one, two or even

three dates. In fact, you should be dating others too! You are only monogamous when it is discussed and decided upon.

Pamela Vandervoort, MA; www.datingfortruelove.com