Flatulence Fragrance

Management

How to stop farts from stinking out the joint

Bottom Burp Business

What this presentation will cover

Why do farts smell?

Silent but violent

Constituent gases

Volume & Frequency

Mitigating Factors

Combustion

Lessons learnt

What causes air biscuits?

Normal part of digestion

Bacterial cultures in lower intestine consume remaining food matter Typically insoluble dietary fiber

Swallowing air whilst eating/drinking Introducing more air into the

digestive tract may force it downwards

Although most gas swallowed is burped Some can’t do this!

Accumulation of gas can create distention, and eventual releases

Silent but violent

Noise created by partially contracted sphincter vibrating as air passes

If sphincter is too loose, air passes without obstruction and a silent fart is produced Dead people fart, but silently!

Hazardous emissions can cause abdominal discomfort or a burning sensation This causes changes in sphincter

control, resulting in the fart being silent.

Make up of the fumes

20%

45%

10%

10%

10%

5%

Composition of trumps

Nitrogen

Hydrogen

Carbon Dioxide

Oxygen

Methane

Other (incl Sulphur Diox-ide)

Totally not nicked and modified from Wikipedia

Who smelt it, dealt it

Most people fart 12-25 times per day

Mostly at night

Lower frequency probably correlates to more volume per flatus

Some people can apparently fart on command Who knows if this means they can

actually control farts so they don’t unexpectedly slide out

‘You don’t choose the fart, it chooses you!’ - Billy Connolly

Mitigating Factors

Diet For the love of god, don’t eat lots of

green veg Avoid curry If you’re lactose intolerant, don’t eat

lactose If you don’t know if you are, now’s

a great time to find out.

Outside Just stand downwind from would-be

victims

Torching it!

More than half of poo gas is highly combustible

Fire is the solution!

Keep naked flames away from the anus at emission Due to oxygen content, it’s highly

possible for a flame to enter the rectum and cause serious damage

Close quarters?

A one-off? Use a cigarette lighter

Frequent? Got some folks round?

Mask the smell, but add atmosphere, light some tea light candles!

Farting like a trooper?

Add more candles

See lots of candles at someone’s house?

Now you know.

Lessons Learnt

Farts Smell because of gasses

Farts are heard because of your tight sphincter

Dead people don’t fart audible

Fire is the cure

But don’t light your sphincter

That aisle in IKEA is the safest place to fart without being noticed

THANKS FOR READING But don’t do this >>>>