Forgiveness, Failure, and Turo Rudi

Lydia GarcıaSt Mary’s College of Maryland

Department of MathematicsBudapest, Hungary

May 31, 2010

The view from my apartment window in Buda

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Contents

1 Introduction 3

2 Adulthood 5

3 Math Episodes 7

4 My New Family 10

5 My New Home 23

6 Goodbye Familiar, Hello Unknown 27

Budapest Semesters in Mathematics, College International Building

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1 Introduction

In this paper I will attempt to summarize my experiences abroad as well as I can. Tobe honest, though, you are getting the short end of what has become a very long, beautiful,spirited stick. My explanations, my recounts of stories, and my attempt to have you re-experience some of these events with me are going to fall very short of what actually happenedto me in Budapest this semester; and for that I am deeply sorry.

About two weeks into my stay in Budapest, I was forced to deal with an unexpectedpersonal situation from home. This particular event, which changed my life in ways that Inever would have dreamed of, made my stay in Budapest far different than I anticipated. Itforced me to spend my five months abroad forgiving someone for doing something horrible,and it forced me to find out who I really was. During this process, I realized that I amactually very thankful for the circumstances that I found myself put into. Without it, Idon’t think that I would be where I am today: at the happiest stage of my life.

You will see very quickly that I am a dreamer, in the truest sense. I aspire to a lot in mylife, hoping deep down that all those things that I wish and hope for will actually happen.There is something incredibly special and unique about every person’s dreams; dreams thatmake it easier to get from day to day.

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One day during the semester I was walking with a friend and he told me that his firstimpression of me was completely wrong. I asked him what it was, hoping that it wasn’tsomething horrible. He assured me that it wasn’t a bad first impression, but he just thoughtthat I was a regular person, that there wasn’t anything too special about me. I gave him aface and asked him what had changed. He said, “I realize that you aren’t a regular personat all, you are about 30 times happier.”

I am leaving this country as a completely new person, in a completely wonderful way. Myadventure to the wondrous Budapest, Hungary, has been the most life changing experienceof my life. As you read this you will experience my process of forgiveness; you will watch asI endure failure; and you will get to imagine the delicious taste of Turo Rudi. I hope youenjoy reading about my absolutely, completely beautiful study abroad.

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2 Adulthood

My goals for my study abroad experience stretched far and wide. I wanted to maturein a bunch of different ways: intellectually and socially, mathematically and personally. Iknew that this whole adventure was going to be out of the norm of anything I had done inmy life, and I wanted to get the most out of it that I could. On February 26th, I wrote:

There were many “goals” that I made for myself when I decidedto do BSM...The most important goal I set for myself, I think, wasthis:

Grow up!

And as it turns out, I think I’ve met that goal pretty well thus far...

When I decided to do this program, I knew it was going to bedifferent then so many other people’s abroad experiences; at least thepeople I know. I was on my own; completely on my own. I literally goton an airplane with no idea what to expect, who to see, or what to dowhen I got off in Budapest. I just hoped and prayed someone wouldbe waiting for me after I got my luggage. Thankfully, there was...

I feel like even though I have been here for less than 7 weeks, thisexperience has made me grow up so much. I actually feel like an adult.I have no meal plan, I don’t live in a dormitory, and I definitely haveno real “rules” that I have to follow (you know, besides the law :) ).

I’m living on my own in this beautiful city. I have to buy groceriesand determine the best way to deal with transportation. I can travelwhenever I want, and I get to light candles in my apartment. I haveto pay for electricity, gas, and water. It all makes me feel like a realadult. It’s making me realize how exciting the rest of my life is goingto be...

For the first time in a long time I am starting to do things just forme. I’m not thinking about anyone else, or making plans based off ofhow it will affect them.

Life is full of bumps and forks, and it’s all about how you handlethem when they get thrown at you that shapes the person you become.I want to be happy, I want to be a good person, and I want to besurrounded by people that love and care about me. God blessed me

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with a wonderful, beautiful family and a great set of friends at theRiver and now here, in Budapest.

I’m looking forward to adulthood...it’s not going to be too shabby.

“Adulthood”26 February 2010

This experience has also made me realize that being an adult means that you have alot more freedom to decide what you want to do with your free time. In the middle of thesemester, when every one was stressed out and needed a break, I thought it would be a goodidea to organize a day where we finger painted. Yes, we finger painted. It was one of myfavorite days, and will definitely be a favorite memory of mine this semester abroad.

I have definitely grown up in Budapest. However, I think that more importantly thanthat, Budapest has also taught me to enjoy every moment I have and to live life to thefullest, with massive amounts of happiness. I think that that’s a goal everyone should try toobtain.

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3 Math Episodes

The biggest part of my abroad experience was mathematics; the program I participatedin is called Budapest Semesters in Mathematics. At times it just felt like we were all a partof a giant Math camp.

Since math was such a huge part of my adventure, and a big part of my life, sometimeduring the semester I started writing “Math Episodes” on my blog every Friday. Each episodewas a chance for me to share what I loved with people. It was an opportunity to spread theword about how wonderful mathematics really is. It turned out that these episodes werebeneficial to me as well.

Before coming here, I had only taken one semester of Analysis, and needed to take onemore in order to fulfill that particular requirement for my math major. However, BSMteaches Analysis I and II as one class. So I decided to just go for it and take Analysis III,or Real Functions and Measures. I have to say that within the first twenty minutes I knewthat the class was going to be the hardest class that I had ever taken in my whole life. ButI pushed through, studied every night, and would, quite frequently, fall asleep with WalterRudin’s Real and Complex Analysis on my chest. But it turned out to be too much for me.I was forced to change the class to an audit.

I couldn’t help but feel like a failure, like a disappointment. How was I going to be amathematician if I couldn’t get through this class? What graduate school is going to wantme if I can’t even handle this? On April 8th, I wrote,

In the history of my academic life, I have always taken a schedulethat I think is way too hard. Always. I always push myself and I alwaysthrow myself into something that seems close to impossible.

But I always surprise myself. I always come out of it learning morethan I thought was possible, doing better than I thought I would everdo, and it just pushes me to do it again.

I should have known that this semester (where nothing is stayingthe same) would be different.

It seems that taking 5 math classes (2 of which I do not have theright prerequisites for) is too much for me.

I admit defeat...Actually, my grades admit defeat.

As much as overcoming my hard schedules has pushed me in thepast, I feel like this will motivate me even more.

I just need experience, and the right kind of thinking.

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But still...what a horrible feeling...

“More Than I Can Chew · · · ”8 April 2010

Real Functions and Measures was a necessary failure in my life. I think everyone needsto be humbled by the subject that they love. It helps keep you aware that you aren’t perfect,and that your love of the material goes beyond the fact that you’re good at it.

My math episodes were a nice reminder to me as to why I love math so much. When Iwas feeling too overwhelmed, they were there to remind me that math is fun and interesting.

I will share with you one of my favorite math episodes, so you can get a taste of whatthey were like:

So, imagine you and 999 of your closest friends (or good friends–ok, just you and 999 other unfortunate souls) are trapped on CannibalIsland.

You are all shoved in a cage in the middle of all the Cannibal Tipis(you know, because cannibals live in tipis). The cannibals are hungry,but they are in a strange mood; they want to play with their food(hehe). They come up with a “fun” game:

They will line everyone up and put either a blue hat or a red haton each head. You cannot see what color hat you have on your head orthe hats of the people behind you in line, just the hats of the people infront of you. Starting from the first person in line, each person mustguess the color of their own hat, and if you guess it correctly: you don’tget eaten for dinner.

Note: No communication of any sort is allowed, except for an initialstrategy session in the cage before the game begins (and the Cannibalsare all-knowing–aka they know what your strategy is).

So the big question?

How many people can be saved?

(If nobody gets it, I’ll post the solution next Friday)

“Episode 2: Cannibal Island”12 March 2010

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This semester was the most exposure to mathematics that I have had in my academiclife. As hard as it was, as demanding, draining, and intellectually exhausting as it all was, itwas the best semester of my life. I am leaving this city more in love with mathematics thanwhen I came here.

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4 My New Family

During this semester, I have been lucky enough to have found myself a whole new family;a family full of diverse, intelligent, quirky, completely loveable people; a family that stretchesits roots all throughout the United States.

The people that I have met during BSM will have a place in the rest of my life, one wayor another. Whether it is a phone call every other birthday catching up for hours aboutwhere we are in our lives, or whether it is a friendship that will allow our kids to becomethe best of friends, I know that my new family is actually a family.

Family Dinners

Frequently throughout the semester we would have Family Dinners. This usually entailedme cooking for about 15 people in a tiny kitchen. These were my favorite nights. We wouldsit around, talk, eat delicious food, and grow as a family of friends.

Fried Chicken & Mashed Potatoes

Fat Tuesday: Pancakes for 15

Cuban Pork

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I learned very quickly that cooking for 15 is completely possible, and with the rightpeople, it can be an amazing adventure.

Cooking a family dinner

We were lucky enough to have a couple “special” family dinners. My friend Ranjan,whose parents came during the middle of the semester, hosted a special family dinner wherehis mom made Indian food. It was quite delicious, and a real treat to have parents cook forus. Then, towards the end of the semester, my flatmate’s mom, Mama King, came to visit.She made pulled-pork sandwiches, coleslaw, twice-baked potatoes, and yum. It was a pieceof home that we all needed as a push to get through the end of the semester.

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Caitlin & Mama King

For my final project in my Hungarian Language Class I made a book called “My MathFamily”. The book is filled with recipes and pictures of family dinners throughout thesemester.

Next year I am living on the Townhouse Greens and I can’t wait to cook dinners (withsome Hungarian food) for my friends. It will be nice to share that tradition with my friendsfrom home.

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My Family

Our Little Adventures

Throughout the semester, my friends and I embarked on little adventures throughoutEurope. I want to share with you a little bit about each of them.

Pecs

In the first month of my study abroad a group of us went to a city in southern Hungarycalled Pecs.

Kylee & Me at the Locks

Even though it was a rainy day, we still had a ton of fun. People from all over Hungarygo to Pecs with their significant other to put locks onto this one fence. They promise to loveeach other forever, key the lock shut, and then throw away the key. There are so many lockson this fence that they had to build another fence farther down the street so more peoplecould come and celebrate their love. It was nice to see this piece of the Hungarian culture.

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Greece

During my spring break, I journeyed to Greece with 13 other BSMers. I knew that thistrip would be an important week for me. My spring break fell during Holy Week, and it wasa time of great healing for me. I got to do a lot of thinking, praying, relaxing, and exploring.

Downtown Thessalonika

I got to see parts of Greece that were mostly tourist free and completely beautiful.

Ranjan, Me, & Paul about to jump into the Aegean Sea

After a 24 hour train ride, we spent two days in Thessalonika. We quickly learned thatGreek people were extremely nice and loved accepting new faces into their families.

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A group of us with our new Greek “father”

After a few days in Thessalonika we spilt into two groups. One group went to Athensand then the Greek island of Mykonos. My group, of six, went to Meteora and then to asmall town named Volos. Both of these places were absolutely beautiful and totally where Ineeded to be spending my Holy Week.

At Meteora, we climbed atop beautiful, giant rocks, and explored the monasteries thatwere built upon them.

As I stood on top of this mountain, looking down onto the world below me, I couldn’thelp but lose all the anger and sadness that had seemed to build up in me throughout thesemester. I had been hurt by someone and I didn’t want to carry that pain around with me

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anymore. I asked God to soften my heart and open it to all the possibilities that the worldhad to offer me. It was this day, I think, that I was overcome with forgiveness and hope forthe future.

It was a life changing experience and the views are something that I will always remember.After Meteora, we got on a train and headed to Volos. When we got to Volos, a small

town on the beach, we were told that they hadn’t seen Americans there in over 15 years.They were exceptionally nice to us, and we spent 3 days out on the beach doing absolutelynothing. It was glorious.

On the beach of Sikia, Greece

Volos, Greece: The view from our hotel

We left Greece on Holy Saturday and got home to Budapest on Easter Sunday. Easteris my favorite holiday, so I had to do something special since we were spending most of that

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day on a train. I decided to make Easter bags for my 13 friends and hide them throughoutthe train (there was no one else on the train except for us). Then I woke everyone up andgave them each clues to where to find their individual Easter bag. It was so much fun!

Easter flowers on the train ride home to Budapest

We had to stop in Belgrade, Serbia, to transfer trains, and two of my friends boughtme Easter flowers as a thank you. When I got home, I got to Skype with my whole family(during their Easter lunch) and it was the perfect ending to an Easter that I will never forget.

On the top of Meteora in Greece

My trip to Greece is something that I will never forget.

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AquaWorld

The largest indoor water park in all of Europe is located in Budapest. It just wouldn’thave been right if we didn’t go to it once throughout the semester. So we did!

It was full of slides and pools. There was a lazy river and a sauna. It was a ridiculouslyfun day where we all just acted like little kids. Plus, we didn’t get sun burnt since it wasinside!

Vienna

Everyone told me that I had to go to Vienna. Vienna is just two hours away fromBudapest and it’s a twenty dollar bus ride to get there and back. There was no excuse notto see this city that was full of history and pretty buildings.

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Most people seemed to go during the winter, but I’m glad that I did not. It was anabsolute beautiful spring day when we went, and there were tulips everywhere. It was sucha treat, because tulips are my favorite flowers.

We spent little to no money, and just walked around and enjoyed the beautiful architec-ture and the perfect weather. It was a great, relaxing trip.

Caitlin, Kylee, Ranjan, & Me

SkyDiving

All throughout my life I have wanted to go skydiving. It’s been a dream since before Ican remember. I figured that this would be the perfect time and place to do it.

So for my 21st birthday present, my parents decided they would pay for me to jump outof a plane (I know, I have the best parents ever!).

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Kylee & Me on the train to Esztergom

Kylee, who has also always wanted to go skydiving, and I went to a town in northernHungary, Esztergom, and literally fell from the sky. It was one of the best experiences of mylife.

We tandem jumped. This type of skydiving meant that we had men attached to ourbacks who were in charge of all the important stuff (like pulling the parachute). It was reallyfascinating in our case, because Kylee and I speak very little Hungarian and our two tandempilots spoke absolutely no English. It made it more interesting.

The plane we jumped out of

After we jumped, our two tandem pilots told us we had to have celebration beers. So,on the train ride back, we cracked open some bottles and celebrated the most exhilaratingexperience of our lives.

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Celebration beers

My 21st Birthday

On Friday, May 14th 2010, I celebrated my 21st birthday. I think that it’s safe to saythat it was the best birthday that I have ever had.

Everyone made me feel special, and the whole day was full of fun activities and memorableevents. My parents sent me a package with cake mix and frosting. Kylee and Ranjan werenice enough to make me a birthday cake with all of it. After everyone sang Happy Birthdayto me, my friend Stephanie shoved the cake in my face.

It was an amazing day and I’m so happy I got to experience my birthday while I wasabroad.

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Prague

I went to Prague the morning after my 21st birthday. It was another nice, relaxing trip;I seemed to have been blessed with those types of trips this semester.

We walked around the beautiful city, took pictures, and enjoyed being tourists.

The combination of this trip and my birthday celebrations was the perfect way for me tomentally prepare for finals and the end of the semester.

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5 My New Home

A view of Pest from the hills of Buda

I have a new home. I will, for the rest of my life, consider Budapest one of my homes.

Before this semester, I had never been outside the continental United States. I didn’tknow what to expect about the culture, the people, and all the little things that make placestheir own.

The smells, the sounds, the feelings, all of the things that make this city alive andbreathing: these are the reasons I love Budapest.

Expectations vs. Reality

I cannot actually tell you what I expected about this adventure. I really had noexpectations. All that I knew for sure was that it was going to be the adventure of alifetime, and I was going to be engulfed in mathematics.

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I know what I didn’t expect: to be blessed with incredible life long friends, and the best5 months of my life.

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I also didn’t expect to be introduced to the world’s best candy bar. Turo Rudi is unex-plainable, mainly because the filling is impossible to get in the United States. This candy baris turos dipped in dark chocolate. Turos is a type of cheese that is only found in Hungary,so I cannot explain the taste to you because there is nothing like it in America. But, trustme, it’s delicious. I have friends who eat more than five a day. I’m definitely going to misseating these.

I have tried to take nothing for granted these past five months; I have tried to accept allthe challenges that have been thrown at me; and I have tried to be the happiest person that I

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can be. I didn’t expect Budapest to be the place where I could finally say that I’m beautiful,the place where I feel at home, and the place where I realize how incredibly magnificent lifeis.

I also know that I didn’t expect it to be so hard to leave this place. On May 30th, Iwrote:

The apartment is bare and everything is packed.

All the things that made this place home–the objects, the pictures,the bottles, and the tokens that made Caitlin and I call this little spaceours–all of that is put away to soon become little, beautiful remindersof a chapter that is drawing to a close.

These things, things which made our whole semester wonderful andunique, are shoved into tiny little spaces in my suitcase.

This place, this little apartment on Margit Korut, this new homeof mine, will always be alive in my heart. I will always have the Sovietshower ingrained in my brain. I will never forget cooking for 13 hungrytummys on Fat Tuesday in the world’s tiniest kitchen. I will alwaysremember the lice bed. And how could I possibly forget the view?

This post has no change of mood, no switch from sad to happy,because it’s sad that this is my last night at home. And it’s ok thatit’s sad. It’s impossible to be happy all the time.

So I’m going to be sad. I’m going to say that I will miss this placemore than I could ever convey to you with words from this keyboard.And I’m going to cry and not feel bad about it. I can be happy againtomorrow.

I’m going to go enjoy my last few hours...

“My Last Night at Home”30 May 2010

The reality is, I’m going to miss this place a lot. The chapter in my life that containsBudapest and my study abroad experience is forever going to be a personal favorite.

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6 Goodbye Familiar, Hello Unknown

One of my first blog posts during my semester abroad had this exact phrase as itstitle, “Goodbye Familiar, Hello Unknown”. I was leaving my comfortable, familiar homeand going to an intimidating, unknown world. I find myself in a very similar position now.I felt it only appropriate, and nostalgic, to have this be the title of my last blog entry on“Budagirl”, my blog.

No matter where I go from here, no matter where life takes me, I will carry Budapest,and BSM, in a very special corner of my heart.

I have come to truly understand the saying, “The only thing that stays the same ischange.” Now, I don’t know what my life is going to throw at me, or where it will end, butI do know, and this experience has taught me, that as long as I’m happy, and as long as I’msurrounded by people that I love and who love me, then life can give me whatever it wants,and I’ll be ok.

I am a very lucky girl for being able to study something I love in a city that I have cometo call my home. It’s a blessing that I will never be thankful enough for having.

I am completely ecstatic to start my senior year at St. Mary’s College of Maryland. Iam absolutely delighted to be graduating the college that I have fallen in love with on my22nd birthday. I am both scared and excited to start planning my future in graduate school.While this program has taught me an exorbitant amount of mathematics that will help mein the years to come, it has also taught me life lessons that I can put no value on.

I want to end this reflective paper with the post I wrote for my last blog entry. Enjoy,and thank you for reading my adventure.

I write this with deep and utter heart ache.

Not only am I leaving all of you, my readers, but I am leaving aplace that has become my home for the past 5 months; a place thathas filled a giant hole in my heart.

I know that I have given you the list of things that I will miss, butI think I am going to miss most the attention to detail in my life thatthis blog made me keep track of during my time here.

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I entered this city as a silly girl who was in love with a beautifulsubject and who had an open mind to the next chapter of her life. Ileave my new home as a young woman in love with a city, in love withherself, and more in love with mathematics than when she started(don’t worry, I didn’t think it was possible either).

Hopefully my parents recognize me when I get off of the airplane. Ihave changed so much that I barely recognize myself sometimes. I lovethe person that this place, this experience, this chapter in my life, hasshaped me into. I don’t really know what I was expecting Budapest todo for me, but it went far beyond what I ever imagined was possible.I am finally coming into my own.

I have grown only in a positive direction. While I was hurt a lotduring these past 5 months, I also have become a better person becauseof it. I found something here that I will never be able to thank Godenough for:

Grace.

Every week I have prayed to God for grace, not fully understandingit and why I needed it. But a few weeks ago, it hit me: grace leads towonderful love and an extremely happy life. I hope that I continue togrow in grace.

I want to thank everyone for believing in me, and for giving meyour love and support; without you, my life just wouldn’t be the same,nowhere near as beautiful.

It is safe to say that this is just the end of a chapter in my life, notthe end of the great, wonderful life that I am supposed to live. I haveto say though, this was a good chapter.

Thank you for reading my diary, and being apart of my adventure.It’s such a blessing that I got to share it with you.

I don’t want to say goodbye, because those are always way too sad.Instead, I will say that we shall meet again. Who knows when, andwho knows in what form; but I promise you that we will.

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Who knows, maybe I’ll write a book :)

So long, Budapest: you will forever hold a very special, spaciousplace in my heart.

Sziasztok!

“Goodbye Familiar, Hello Unknown”31 May 2010

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