free e-book - "enough is never enough - how spiritual abuse sabotages the heart" - by jim...

8/9/2019 FREE E-book - "ENOUGH IS NEVER ENOUGH - How spiritual abuse sabotages the heart" - by Jim Robbins

http://slidepdf.com/reader/full/free-e-book-enough-is-never-enough-how-spiritual-abuse-sabotages-the-heart 1/10

Enough is Never Enough — How Spiritual Abuse Sabotages the Heart , by Jim Robbins. Copyright 2010. All rightsreserved. Visit Jim’s blog to learn more about his book, videos and podcasts: www.RobbinsWritings.com




Spiritual training scarsLaw enforcement and the military have a term for a

behavioral script that gets laid down during the officer'straining that would hamper the officer in a real situation, orperhaps even get someone killed. The term is "training scar."

David Grossman, in his book, On Combat , describes an officer–in–training who learned how to grab a gun out of a would–becriminal's hand. During practice, the officer would grab a gunfrom a colleague, then give it back to him in order to rehearseit again. Unfortunately, during an actual confrontation withan armed assailant, the officer, upon grabbing the gun fromthe attacker, promptly handed it right back to him!

Fortunately, the officer's partner dispatched his own weapon

and shot the attacker. The officer’s learned responsereinforced during training [giving the gun back] nearly cost his life. That's a training scar. [ Story from Everyday Survival , byLaurence Gonzales ]

The Church is functioning with a debilitating trainingscar , a behavioral script that is not serving us well. There isone particularly toxic assumption about the Christian’s heart that is perhaps even neurologically wired into our brains inways that lock the spirit and body (Spirit and Body) into dis-ease. The training scar I'm particularly concerned about is our

continuing belief that the human heart remains dark,inwardly bent and sinful even after Christ has given theChristian a new heart and supernatural goodness at his or herconversion.

Listen to most sermons on any given weekend, and you'lldiscover the following ingrained script : "Your heart,Christian, is still selfish and prone to wander. Your heart and desires cannot be trusted.” Leadership sees its task ashelping you behave more like a Christian [managingexternals] so that you can do more, be more committed, andstop being so spiritually inept. “We’ll assume you don't reallywant to follow God, but we'll pressure you into becoming likehim anyway. You’re prone to wander, so it’s our job tomanage your sin."

The “prone to wander” script is the pervasive training scarof the day. This false script leaves the Christian with a wound:"You're not pleasing to me. Try harder."

True or False ?

The Christian's heart is just as

sinful after becoming a Christian asit was before becoming one.

“I do not recall the heart ever beingaddressed [in church] except to saythat no good thing dwells in theheart of man.”

—Ruth Montgomery. Commented on TheGood and Noble Heart Facebook page.




Spiritual abuse:Demanding that a person live like

Jesus, while denying the new heart[and its supernatural resources]that makes living like Jesuspossible.

Shame and spiritual defeat are theinevitable result.

What is spiritual abuse? To label something as “abuse” is a tricky thing. What constitutes abuse for one person may not for another.However, I’m going to use a definition of abuse that I think fitswhere I’m headed in this e-book. It comes from The SubtlePower of Spiritual Abuse , by Johnson and VanVonderan:

Spiritual abuse is the mistreatment of a person who is inneed of help, support or greater spiritual empowerment,with the result of weakening, undermining or decreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment.

The authors go further:

Spiritual abuse can also occur when spirituality is used tomake others live up to a ‘spiritual standard.’ This promotesexternal ‘spiritual performance,’ …or is used as a means of ‘proving’ a person’s spirituality.

This abuse may not even be intentional, but kills the heart,nonetheless.

What happens to the heart? Notice in this definition of spiritual “abuse” what happens to aperson: “…the result of weakening, undermining ordecreasing that person’s spiritual empowerment.” This isexactly what happens when a Christian is told again and againthat their heart is still selfish, deceitful and unloving—despite their new birth in Christ. It weakens their spiritualvitality and decreases their ability to enjoy the life-givingholiness Jesus has already given to them.

What happens when the heart is always under suspicion?[“Don’t trust your heart. Your nature is still selfish. It willlead you in the wrong direction.”] The result is that you learnto dismiss the power source, the very center of goodness,Jesus has created in you. Instead of tapping into thesupernatural resources God placed within your new heart at conversion, you try — under your own strength — to manageyour sin. [“Just do the right thing, and try not to blow it.”]It’s like removing the engine from a car and choosing to pushit around town instead.

How the Bible describes the “heart:”

You received a new heart when you said‘yes’ to Jesus.

How I define ‘spiritual abuse:’




Shaming the Heart There’s a dual message in many churches: “Be a goodChristian and do the right thing.” But, “You’re prone towander and most likely won’t do the right thing.”

In other words, “Be good: but you won’t. Love well, but youdon’t want to.” It’s like telling a mountaineer, “Climb higher,but your legs are broken. We won’t help you heal, but we’lldemand you keep going.”

After trying hard for so long to be a good Christian—andfailing—you begin to believe you really don’t have what it takes to be a decent Christian: “I really do have a selfish heart and am incapable of living like Jesus. Why can’t I get this

right?!”

You begin to think you’ve been disqualified:“I am not enough for God.”

Expecting to sinA friend of mine told me how the message coming from thepulpit had actually led him in the wrong direction—away

from God’s work in him. He said:

As I look back at my years as a Christian, I am sorry to saythat now I see clearly that I have been actually held back inmy Christian walk, because I have been receiving themessage that my heart is still bad, still wicked.

As a result, my expectations for the "abundant life" of whichJesus spoke, have been nil! Because of what was said onSunday mornings, I expected to sin regularly!

What other conclusion can you draw if the persistent messagefrom the Church is: “You’re far more likely to sin than to belike Jesus.”?

“I expected to sin regularly!”

“I think I always felt that there wasa standard that I needed to attain,

like working to be on the honorrole at school. I needed to keepworking, trying harder to get to acertain level. I also think at timesthere was a sense of being judged.I was looked at and judged basedon my actions, good or bad. I nowrealize that I have a "good" heart!”

—Doug Gale. Commented on The Good and Noble Heart Page on Facebook.

You can read other’s stories in my book,Recover Your Good Heart — Living Free from Religious Guilt and the Shame of Not Good–Enough , by Jim Robbins




What does the message of shame feel like ?

WARNING SIGNS of

spiritual shaming

Sniffing out shameAbout fifteen years ago while I was in seminary, I attended a

church just off–campus. Without fail, I left that building eachSunday with the same sensation: spiritual heaviness . Theunspoken message being delivered was, "You're simply not measuring up to expectations."

Without fail, that same experience has repeated itself innearly every "church" experience, conference, retreat, ororganized gathering of Christians I’ve attended since then.

At the time, I had no words to articulate what was going on,but I now have a well-developed internal filter — a warningflag, a nose for sniffing out false substitutes. (After a while,your heart says, "No more! This can't be all there is.")

At the center of what I experienced each Sunday, was theeffect of a psuedo–gospel. Sometimes it isn't the Gospel at all;and in any case, it is a "gospel" that will wear you out .

This false substitute goes by several monikers: "the religiousspirit," "religious legalism," "the gospel of religious duty andshame," or "living under Law." Whatever its name, it is not what Jesus came to offer. All you have to do is look at itsfruit : defeated Christians, fleeting personal transformation,frenzied activity substituting for apprenticeship at Jesus' side,and a meager affect upon the culture we hope to transform.

Reading the warning signsHow does one develop this early warning system, this abilityto sniff out false substitutes? Well, how does your heart react in those situations? Do you experience:

• Spiritual pressure to measure up to expectations.

• Spiritual heaviness.

• You suspect God, is in fact, not really pleased with you.

• You're constantly being asked by leadership to be morecommitted.

• Every message is about getting you to do something, or tostop doing something.

• The leadership is more concerned with managing people'ssin, than releasing a new life that is now within them.

• No one ever talks about the heart; and when they do, it is withsuspicion — even in the case of the believer.




God doesn’t tinker with our behavior As Larry Crabb suggested in his ground-breaking book,Connecting , God is not interested in tinkering with our oldnature in order to improve it. Nor is does he pressure us intospiritual change, or attempt to fix our old nature. Rather, asCrabb suggests, God is interested in releasing something —releasing a God–given goodness beneath the surface.

A radical purity is now the dominant force in the Christian—whether or not that goodness is always seen oracknowledged. The new heart is the headwaters from whichthat goodness flows.

How Jesus restores our connection to God Oneness with Christ occurs at the level of the heart. It has to.That is where people meet. You can’t have oneness or unitywith Christ if your heart is still corrupted, self–bent, andunable to receive that oneness. The heart is the navigationalcenter of a person, influencing the mind, body and soul. Oursalvation is a salvation of the heart.

God had to address the condition of the human heart. Whenyou said ‘yes’ to Jesus, he replaced the incapacitated,functionally–dead heart with his own heart , so that you couldreconnect with God and enjoy a unity of heart with him.

An unruly horse can only be led by bit and bridle.

A candle without a wick can’t be lit.

A ship without radar gets lost in the fog.

A person without a restored heart cannot navigate life withthe ‘easy yoke’ of Jesus. She will instead by chained to all herbrokenness, addictions, and deceptions. That’s why, through

the Cross and Resurrection, God gave you a new heart—anew self—capable of the very goodness and supernatural loveof God. It is now possible [and likely] that you can relate likeJesus did, and learn to navigate life with the skill and grace hedid.

I'm a South African ex–pastor/missionary. Left institutionalChristendom about 7 years back. It’sbeen intriguing de-toxing from the

religious system that is shame-based,and I was both an unwitting abuserbecause of it, and a recipient as well.The spirit behind religion has norespect for any of the adherents — allare prisoners of the abuse.

As Morgan Freeman says in the movie,‘Shawshank Redemption:’ "You hatethe prison walls ... but eventually getused to them ... can't survive withoutthem".

Wholeness is a journey of the heart intoliberation and freedom to become allthat we should be. Religion [ratherthan following Jesus] oppresses,undermines and produces orphans, notreal full-blown family.

—Sean Daly. Commented on The Good & Noble Heart page on Facebook.

"You hate the prison walls ... buteventually get used to them ...Can't survive without them".

— from The Shawshank Redemption




A false view of authority Many leaders won’t tolerate the possibility they could bemistaken or that a word from the Lord might come throughanother in the family. They operate under the “premise that God speaks to one or several central people in the group in away that he does not speak to the ordinary members. Thesemembers are taught not to trust their own minds or their owncommunications with God except within the context of thegroup, with all its pressures toward conformity to the wordfrom on high.” [– Dallas Willard ]

Conformity to the hive’s leadership is the supreme mandate.Willard reminds us that this is the leadership behavior of cults.

How will you know if your pastor or leadersare speaking the truth? Just because he has “more experience” doesn’t mean that hisexperience has taken him in the right direction. You have totrust your new and good heart. Jesus gave it to you so that youcould reconnect with him—hearing his voice. He gave youThe Counselor, who will “lead you into all truth.”

If you don’t trust the new heart God gave to you when yousaid ‘yes’ to him, how will you know whether any particularsermon or teaching is on target?Of course, this requires a growing discernment and trainingof your new heart and mind, but don’t distrust the compassyou already have. Your heart is good now.

Developing a filter As you learn more about Scripture’s teaching on the newheart, you will develop a filter that can sniff out faultymessages about your heart. This happens to me wheneverI’m in the Christian book section of a bookstore. After I skimthrough a book I’m interested in, I can usually smoke out anyOld Covenant, “bad heart” theology, and move on to anotherbook.

I can also sniff out the “never-enough” gospel inconversations with well-meaning Christians who are surethey understand the Gospel, yet continue to mistrust theirhearts.

“After living in a spiritually abusivesystem for over 25 yrs. I am now inthe process of finding a "true"spiritual family that I can "know andbe known by."

I was taught that I couldn't trust myheart—it was desperately evil, andonly by checking with my leader, wasI able to discern God's will. For the 6yrs. that I have been out of thatsituation, my "good and noble" hearthas been filled with gratitude andthanksgiving that I am FREE.

It is just recently that I am realizingthat I am NOW in the "rediscovery"part of my healing-transformation-

wholeness journey. I am in anINCREDIBLE, LARGE place, whereeverything is new and althoughfreeing, is sometimes making myhead "swim." Anyone else relate??”

—Carol Boyd. Commented onThe Good & Noble Heart Page on Facebook.

“I was taught that I couldn't trust my heart …and only by checking with my leader, was I able to discern God’s will.”




Janice’s story:“I got involved in a very manipulativeand controlling church.”

“After growing up in the church and being a "Christian" for 20years, I got involved in a very manipulative and controllingchurch … I gave them more time and money than I ever wouldlike to admit, as well as denying that I had ever been aChristian before ever being a part of that church.

When I realized what a lie I had swallowed and finally left the church, I felt worse than a whore. I felt like I had sold mysoul. How could I ever trust myself to recognize God or truthever again? For awhile it all but destroyed my faith. I couldn't

open my Bible or pray for over 5 years. Slowly I was able toattend church again without the fear that I would bemanipulated.

But now after another 10 years of attending a "healthychurch" I'm beginning to question the reality of relationshipsI have had there. I have backed way off both in attendance, aswell as emotionally, and to some extent people don't reallynotice. At first that bothered me. Now I'm beginning to beokay with that. I'm recognizing those relationships that aregenuine and leaving behind those that aren't.

Finally I am coming to the place of realizing that God has beenthere all the time, through good and bad. I see that He hasloved me even when I thought I had completely betrayed him.I really believe that if I would have trusted that Jesus waswith me and did give me a good heart, I wouldn't ever havetrusted the lie of THAT church that "they" were the way, thetruth, and the life. Now, I want to stick with and trust the onlyOne who will lead me in the right direction.

About my heart —I want to believe it has always been, sincetrusting in Jesus, good. I believe God's promise that he has

given me a new heart. Sometimes I don't see the evidence of that, but I'm learning to trust that it is true. I do, now, trust that He will never, never leave me nor forsake me. Myexperience has taught me that He is faithful.”

—Janice Beltran: shared her story on The Good and Noble Heart page on Facebook.

“ I believe God's promise that he hasgiven me a new heart. Sometimes Idon't see the evidence of that, butI'm learning to trust that it is true. ”




Finding healingAfter my ‘friend’ of nine years, the worship leader of agrowing mega church, fired me from a keyboard position onthe worship team— because I no longer suited his purposes— I left the institutional church. [I had served with him fornine years in this capacity. I wasn’t a genuine friend, I hadmerely been useful to him.]

This certainly wasn’t the first time I’d felt used and discardedor dismissed by church leadership: Ten years prior, afterstruggling to find my place in pastoral ministry and refusingthe ill-fitting scripts leadership was forcing down my throat, Iwas then kicked out of the pastoral ministry. [Despite tryingto dutifully adjust to their demands.] Sitting in the District Superintendent’s office, the Superintendent said, “We are not going to re-appoint you.” Meaning, your ministry as a pastoris over; and we have the power to do that to you.

My ‘credentials’ were removed.

Only God can bestow identity.Despite those painful years, God restored me and gave me

only greater clarity of purpose. I know who I am . Institutionscan never bestow identity: only our Father God can. OnlyGod gives us our ‘credentials.’ The gifts and calling of God areirrevocable.

What would it feel like to be free of the false scripts othershave been handing you? Free of their unkind and unrealisticexpectations of you?

[Our] original shimmering self gets buried so deep we hardly live out of it at all . . . rather, we learn to live out of all theother selves which we are constantly putting on and taking off like coats and hats against the world’s weather.

—Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets

“Although men are accused for not knowing their ownweakness, yet, perhaps, as few know their own strength. It is in men as in soils, where sometimes there is a vein of goldwhich the owner knows not of.”

— Jonathan Swift

“Unfortunately the Church's mostcommon message is that theChristian's heart is not to be trusted.

After the initial revelation, it's aprocess of learning to believe that

Jesus is in others: There were someleaders that haven't trusted Him inme. Most of my leaders did believe inme, but then I had those who madearbitrary decisions and treated uswith suspicion, assuming we were allin need of consistent 'shaping up' -assuming we had to repent of thesins THEY were repenting of.

If, we didn't stand up to acknowledgethe same sins, we were in rebellionor pride, always needing a lecture onwhatever they thought was wrong.This made me feel diminished anddisrespected, 'less mature' thanthem.”

— Jenny Lowen. Commented on The Good & Noble Heart Page on Facebook.

“This made me feel diminished,disrespected, less mature thanthem.”

There were many times I wanted tothrow a chair through the prettystained-glass window.

I wanted to shout, “Don’t you knowwhat you’re doing to these goodpeople?! You are killing theirhearts, sabotaging the very work of Christ in them.”

— My own experience of ‘prone to wander’preaching




“In the same way, let your light shine…” (Matthew. 5:16)What is this light? It is the brilliant and powerful goodness of your new heart.

• Setting the Captives Free blog :Spiritual abuse blog, by AidaCalder

• Graceroots .org — Joel

Brueseke’s blogs and podcasts.• Revolution Within, by Dwight

Edwards

• Waking the Dead, by JohnEldredge

• Recover Your Good Heart — Living Free from Religious Guilt and the Shame of Not Good– Enough , by Jim Robbins

• Jim Robbins’ Good & NobleHeart Blog :www.RobbinsWritings.com

Get connected with others who get it.I no longer “go to church.” My family and I seek fellowship inother, more natural ways. This was our choice, but may not be for everyone. Not all institutional churches are misguided,of course—there are always exceptions; but they are few.

You are not called to “do church:” you are called to aKingdom. And people who meet in the Kingdom can meet anywhere.

A word of caution here: Even less brick–and–mortarexpressions of community, such as house churches or other

non–institutional expressions of the Body, aren’t exempt frompoor theology. Even leaders of more organic forms of Christian community may still believe that the Christian’sheart [true nature] is still marred, dirty and selfish—thoughthey claim to understand ‘grace.’

[You may have to leave that church.]

So ask God to lead you to Christian community that gets thebiblical reality of your good and noble heart. This may taketime, but you need your spirit to be healthy and nourished bya community that understands God’s supernatural andalready–present work in your heart.This may also mean that you have to leave that church orfellowship. If you do so, you will not be betraying God.

You will NOT be betraying God.

Rather, you will be taking care of you heart—your very life—so that you can receive and give love, enjoy the Fatherwithout pressure, and celebrate the radiant and powerfulgoodness he’s already given you.

“And the day came when the risk ittook to remain tight inside the bud wasmore painful than the risk it took toblossom.” — Anais Nin

Visit Jim’s blog:

www.RobbinsWritings.com

RESOURCES FOR SUPPORTING THECHRISTIAN’S NEW HEART:

free e-book - "enough is never enough - how spiritual abuse sabotages the heart" - by jim...

Documents