KickstartYourRecovery-TheRoadLessTraveledto

FreedomfromAddiction

byTaiteAdams

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KickstartYourRecovery-TheRoadLessTraveledtoFreedomFromAddiction

ByTaiteAdams

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TableofContents

CopyrightLimitofLiability/DisclaimerofWarrantyContentsPrefaceHowDidIGetHere?What'saBottom?IsAddictionReallyaDisease?LosingEverything-orNotShouldIGotoTreatment?NotAllTreatmentCentersAretheSameThePro'sandCon'sofGoingtoTreatmentIfYouDecideToGoWhatisAA?IsAAaCult?But...HowDoesitWork?TheMeetingsMeetingFormatsHOWManyMeetings?MeetingEtiquetteTheHomeGroupClubHousesIfYouMust...MeetingsOnlineandInPrintWhat'sUpWithThoseSlogansThe12Steps-ToWhat?WhatisaSponsorandDoINeedOne?ASponsor'sRoleChoosingaSponsorThat'sRightforYouTheGodFactorTheHigherPowerConcept-ButI'mJewish,anAtheist,anAgnostic,Buddhist,aWiccan...FamiliesandRelationshipsMySpouseLeftMe,Won'tSpeaktoMe,Won'tLeaveMeAlone...NoOneTrustsMeTheJob,Work,CareerMakingCareerChanges-orNotWhatisa"RecoveryJob"?GotConsequences?Health,Family,Legal,FinancialOldFriendsandStompingGroundsEverydayStuffinSobrietyLifeonLife'sTermsH.A.L.T.SoberLivingAlternativesLearningtoHaveFunAgainWeAreNotaGlumLotRule62-Seriously,LaughaLittleSoberTravelandVacationsOtherIssuesIfitLooksLikeaDuck(OtherAddictions,Compulsions,etc)SeekingOutsideHelpWhereDoIGoFromHere?IFeelMuchBetterNow-ThanksfortheAdvice,PhoneNumbers,Coffeeand3Meetings.SeeYaDoIHavetoDoThisForever?TheMiracleMotherLoad

MiraclesHappenGivingItAwayAfterwordRecoveryResourcesAbouttheAuthorOpiateAddictionSample

Preface

Thisbook,orGuide,hasbeenonmymindforquitesometime.IlookedforsomethingalongtheselineswhenIstartedmyjourneymanyyearsagoanddidn'tfindanythingthatansweredmymultitudeofquestions.Idon'tknowthattherecaneverbeonelittlebookthatcangivesolacetoallofthosedoubtsandfears,butmaybesomethingthatcanhelpjustalittlebitwouldbeagreatstart.Iamnotanexpertoranauthorityonanything.WhatIamissomeonewhohasbeentothebottomandwasgrantedreliefandanewlife.Wasthisdifficult?Actuallythedifficultpartwasgettingto"theend"-gettingtothatpointwhereIhadhadenoughandwasreadytocry"uncle"andgetsomehelp.Afterthat,itreallywasn'tsobad.

Idoseepeopleonadailybasisthatfitalongtheentirespectrum,though,ofbeingentirelyreadyto"dothis",justnotsure,orcompletelycluelessastowhathastheminavice-likegrip,ifanything.Thisiswhatissofrustrating,sadandcunningaboutthediseaseofaddiction.Somanyofuswillfightittothedeath,literally,whileotherswill"giveup"andrecover-goingontoleadbeautiful,happyandusefullives.Ihavelivedstagesofmylifeallalongthisspectrumand,luckily,Iwasabletogettoapointofdesperationandsurrenderbeforethisthingtookeverythingor,worseyet,killedme or someone else. I became willing to get help and clung to everything that was offered to me. It worked andcontinuestoworkonadailybasis.

Thecontrolfreakinmostofus,atleastthoseofyouwhowouldsearchoutabookofthissort,stillwantstoknowwhatisinstoreforthemiftheydodecideto"dothis"orevenifalreadyinearlyrecovery.Perfectlyunderstandable.There'sonlysomuch"lettinggo"anewcomercando,afterall.WhatI'vecataloguedhereisessentiallyaNewcomer'sGuidetoRecovery.I'veattemptedtoanswerallofthequestionsthatIhearinmeetingsandfromnewcomers,aswellasmanyoftheonesthatIhadinthebeginning.IamanactivememberofAlcoholicsAnonymousand,assuch,verymuchrespecttheirTraditions.Becauseofthis,myrealnamewasnotusedinthepublishingofthisbook.However,everyexperiencerelated herein was absolutely real and shared in the heartfelt hope that it touches at least one person andmakes adifferenceintheirjourneytorecovery.

HowDidIGetHere?

Itain'twhatyoudon'tknowthatgetsyouintotrouble.It'swhatyouknowforsurethatjustain'tso.-MarkTwain

Manyofuscouldprobablyaddtheword"Again"tothatquestion.Chancesare,lifeisn'tgoingaccordingtoplanatthemomentoryouwouldnothavepurchasedandbereadingthisbook.Trustme,Igetit.Oneofthehardestthingstocometotermswithisthefactthatthereissomethingthatmayhaveaniron-cladgriponourlivesand,nomatterhowhardwetrytowriggleandschemeourwayout,thenoosejustkeepsgettingtighter.Doyouthinkthatyoumayhaveaproblemwithalcoholordrugs?Here'sahint:Mostpeoplethataren'talcoholicsoraddictsdon'tsitaroundwonderingiftheyhaveaproblemwithalcoholordrugs.It'ssimplyanon-issueforthem.Ifyouarehere,youalreadyknoworareatleastinthe"wondering" stageand thisbears further investigating. In theoff chance thatoneof theseniftyquestionnaireshasn'tbeenshovedinyourfacebeforenow,herearejustafewquestionstoaskyourselfwithregardstoyouralcoholand/ordruguse that are "signs"ofaproblem (feel free to substitute theword"using" for "drinking" if thatmakesyou feelbetter...weaimtoplease):

Notbeingabletoquitdrinkingorcontrolhowmuchyoudrink

Needingtodrinkmoretofeelthesameeffect

Spendingalotoftimedrinkingortorecoverfromdrinking

Givinguporforgoingactivitiessothatyoucandrinkinstead

Tryingtoquitdrinkingorcutdownandnotbeingableto

Continuingtodrinkevenafterdrinkinghascausedyouproblems

Hiding,ortryingtohide,yourdrinkingfromothers

Experiencingblackouts,whereyoudon'tremembereventsthathappenedwhiledrinking

Havingfriends,family,work,orothersbeconcernedaboutyourdrinking

Theysaythat,ifyouanswer"Yes"toatleast3ofthosequestions,youprobablyhaveaproblemwithalcohol.MostofthepeoplethatIknow,myselfincluded,probablyansweredaresounding"HellYes"tonearlyeverysingleoneofthose-andthenwentbackoutandcontinuedtodrinkordruguntilwewerebeatendownandthoroughlyconvincedthatitwas time to do something about it.Unfortunately, for an alcoholic or an addict to recover from this terrible disease(read),theynotonlyhavetobeconvincedthattheyhaveit-easyenoughformany-buttheyalsohavetobereadyandwilling to do something about it. Now there's a bit of a tall order. For all of us, this requires hitting some sort of"Bottom".

If we don't change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed -AncientChineseProverb

What'saBottom?

Whenourmyths,dreams,andidealsareshattered,ourworldtopples.-KatherineCaseyThiesen

"HittingBottom"istermthatisheardoverandoveragainwithregardstopeoplegettingcleanandsober-andforgoodreason.Mostpeoplearenotwillingtomakechangeswithoutsomepainand, let'sfaceit,"painisagreatmotivator".That'snottosaythatpeople's"bottom's"don'tdiffergreatlyandwhatisthefinalstrawforyoumaynothavephasedmeintheleasttotakeagoodhardlookatmyself.Infact,someofusaresoresilientand"strong"thatourbottomswillbemanyandtheywillcontinuetogetlowerandlower.Justtobeclear:Thatwasnotacompliment.

Onlyanalcoholicthinksthattheyneedtohitalowerbottominordertobealcoholic.-soberalcoholic

Abottomforanalcoholicoraddictcanbemanythingsbutalotoftimesarisesfromsomebadsituationasaresultofdrinking.ExamplesareDUIs,otherarrests, losinga job(quittingrightbeforeyougetfiredis thesamething), losingfriends,loveinterests,otherfinancialconsequencesandsoon.Onepopularsayingabout"bottoms"isthatalcoholicshittheirbottomwhen their lossespileup faster than theycan lower their standards.Wearegreatat justifyingaway thethings that are slowly, ormore quickly for others,marching out of our lives such as jobs, cars, houses, friends andfamily members. However, for some the turning point is more of an emotional bottom, where feelings of shame,loneliness,remorseand/orhopelessnessbecomeoverwhelmingand,despitestillhavingthehouse,jobandcarsinthegarage,therecomesapointwheresomethinghastochange,andsoon.

Mypersonalexperiencewasoneofhittingmanybottoms,whereIsufferedever-increasingconsequencesasaresultofmydrinkingandbecameacutelyawarethatsomething"hadtochange".However,foraverylongtime,Ifeltthatthethings that needed to changewere the circumstances inmy life. Things such as people, places, things and even themethodswithwhichIwentaboutdrinkingandusing.Ijustwasn't"doingitright"andwasstilltryingtofigureouthowtodrinkanddrugthewayIwantedtoandnotkeeplosingstufforgettingtrouble.

Regardlessifthecircumstancesofyourlifehavebroughtyoutoyourknees,it'sbecomeanunbearableinternalstruggle,orsomecombinationofthetwo,itallcomesdowntoaquestionofunmanageability.Thesimplefactofthematteristhattheuseofalcoholand/ordrugshasbecometherulingfactorinmylifeand,inturn,mylifehasbecomeacompleteanduttershitstorm.Thisisunmanageabilityatitsfinestand,ifyoucanseethis,youarewellonyourwaytosomethingmuchbetter.Thereisalottolearn.

Youneverfindyourselfuntilyoufacethetruth.-PearlBailey

IsAddictionReallyaDisease?

"IfIcoulddrinklikearegularperson...I'ddrinkallthetime.Thereinliesourparadox..."

Onefactthatisbothanunknownandarelieftomanyalcoholicsisthefactthattheyactuallyhavea"disease"andarenotsimplysomesocialmiscreantwhocannotstopdoing"wrongthings".Forover100yearsnow,alcoholismhasbeenwidely known as, and treated as, a disease. In fact, in 1956, the American Medical Association voted to definealcoholism as a "disease". If you are in themidst of thismaddening cycle, it will come as no surprise to you thatdrinkingalcoholwithregularfrequencyovertimecanproduceaphysicaldependenceon,oranaddictionto,alcohol.Goingalittledeeper,however,wefindoutthatdrinkingactuallyaltersthebalanceofchemicalsinyourbrain.

Thereisachemicalinyourbraincalledglutamate,thatservestoexcitethenervoussystem.However,alcoholdecreasesglutamate's effectiveness, which is thought to be responsible for "memory blanks" and discoordination. GABAreceptors,alsoinyourbrain,dealwithimpulsiveness.Alcoholcanservetoenhancethesefunctions,leadingtoanxietyreductionand lossof inhibition.Alcoholalso raises the levelofdopamine,which is thechemical thatgivesyou thatpleasurable feeling when you drink. Drugs like morphine or cocaine have been referred to as "chemical scalpels"becauseoftheirverypreciseeffectsonjustoneneurotransmittersystem.Alcoholontheotherhandismuchmorelikeachemical hand grenade in that it affects just about all parts of the brain and all neurotransmitter systems. Chronicconsumption of alcohol gradually makes the NMDA receptors hypersensitive to glutamate while desensitizing theGABAergicreceptors.Makingsomesensenow?

Someotherdishearteningfactsaresomeofthecontributingfactorsthatmaymakeyoumorepredisposedtothisdisease.Thingssuchasgeneticpredispositionandfamilyhistory.Inotherwords,youmaybebornwiththe"alcoholicgene"ifthisrunsinyourfamilyandcouldbemorepredisposedtothebehaviorsifgrowingupinanalcoholichousehold.Ageisafactorinthatpeoplewhobegindrinkinganddruggingatyoungeragesmaybeathigherrisk.Therealsostillseemstobe a notion that alcoholism affects more men than women. Finally, emotional problems or disorders could also befactorsthatcontributetosomeonebeingatriskfordevelopingthisdisease.Peoplewhoarepronetodepression,anxietyandsomeemotionaldisordersmaybemorelikelytoturntoalcoholanddrugstoregulatetheirmoods.Recently,ithasbeen thought that adults with ADHD may also be at higher risk. However, if these factors are "missing" in your"makeup",neverfear.Thisdoesnotprecludeyoufrombeinganalcoholic.WhenIinitiallylearnedthatthisdiseasewas"genetic", I turned heal and walked right back out the door as it does NOT run in my family. There is no doubt,however,thatIdohavethismaladyandwasrightwhereIneededtobe.

AfewcharacteristicsoftheDiseaseofAlcoholism(andAddiction)tobeawareofarethese:

MentalObsession - Defined as a thought process over which you have no control. Sounds like fun, right? Thesemaddening urges to drink, when many times we know that the results will be disastrous. I always call this the"preoccupation"thatIalwayshadwithwhenIwouldbeabletogetthatnextdrinkordrug-orhowIwouldbeabletogetmorethanmy"share".

ChronicDisease-Bychronic,wemeanthatitis"incurable"(keepreadinganyway)andrequireslong-termtreatment.Thisisadiseasethatcanalsoresultindeathifnottreated.

Progressive-Thisoneisimportant.Well,theothertwowerealso.Alcoholismisasubtlyprogressivediseasethatgetsworseovertime-NEVERbetter.Sometimes,thistakesplaceoversuchanextendedperiodoftimethatthealcoholicdoesnotnoticethepointatwhichtheytrulylostcontrol.And,youknowwhat?Itdoesn'tmatter.Becauseassoonasthatcontrol is"lost", itcanNEVERberegained.EVER.Thisiswherethedifficultyandthedenialcomeintoplayforsomany.Werememberthattimewhenthingsweregreat,fun,easy,controllableandtrywithallourmight,sometimesforentirelytoolong,torecaptureit.Itjustwon'thappen.

"Remember,onceyou'reapickle,youcanneverbeacucumberagain."

Thegoodnewshereis,you'resick!Betyou'dneverconsideredputtingsomethinglikethatinyourassetscolumn,right?Thinkof it thisway:You'renot a badpersonor an evil person that has crappedyour life up.Rather, you're a "sickperson"whosimplyneedstogetwell.Andgetwellyoucan.Whilealcoholismisn'tadiseasethatyoucanbecuredof,itisonethatyoucanrecoverfromandleadahappy,healthy,productivelife.

Youarenotresponsibleforyourdisease,butyouareresponsibleforyourbehaviorandconsequentlyyourrecovery.

LosingEverything-orNot

“...oneoftheprimarydifferencesbetweenalcoholicsandnonalcoholicsisthatnonalcoholicschangetheirbehaviortomeettheirgoalsandalcoholicschangetheirgoalstomeettheir

behaviors.”?AlcoholicsAnonymous

Therearemanystoriesofpeoplewhohave"recovered"fromalcoholismwhosaythatthey"losteverything"todrugsandalcohol.Butwhatdoesthatmean,really?Honestly,thatcanbeassubjectiveasthedayislong.Thiscomesdowntoseveral factors.One iswhat ismost important toyou? If it'shouses, cars, andboats - and those things start slippingawayasaresultofdrinking,thatmaybeenoughtocrymercyandsurrender.Forothersit's joborfamilythatdothetrick.Somehavetolosetheirpersonalfreedomsorhavemajorhealthconsequencestoopentheireyes.Finally,therearethosewhovaluepeaceofmindandself-respectaboveallelseandraisethewhiteflagassoonastheyfeelthesethingsthreatenedasaresultoftheirdrinkingordruggingactivity.

My story is one ofmany "losses" asmy disease andmy stubbornness progressed at a breakneck pace. I lost somepersonalfreedoms,materialthings,friends,jobs,andeventuallyevenfamilyasaresultofmydiseaseandmyactions.All along theway, Iwas givenmultiple opportunities to throw in the towel and stop themadness.At every turn, Iinsistedtherewas"noproblem"andthatIknewexactlywhatIwasdoingandthatthingswouldbejustfineifpeoplewouldjustleavemealone.Ittooklosingnearlyeverythingandthethreatoflosingmypersonalfreedomforaverylongtimeformetofinallygiveupfightingandtrysomethingelse.

Unfortunately,amajorcharacteristicofmostalcoholicsisextremearroganceandstubbornness.Despiteevidencetothecontrary,i.e.-wearegoingtokeeplosingstuffataneverincreasingrate,weinsistthatweknowbestandwanttogiveitonelastcollegetrytocontrolthisthing.Then,maybejustonemoretry.Andsoon.Manypeopleviewseekinghelpasasignofweakness,yetrefusetoseetheforestforthetreesbyacknowledgingthecoldhardfactsrightinfrontofthem-thattheyarebeingtakendownadarkanddismalroadoflossandheartachetowhichthereisnohappyendingwithoutfirstgettingsomehelp.Despitehearingcountlessstoriesofpeoplejustlikeuswhodidn'tstopandlostsomuchmore,weinsistthiswon'thappentousbecause"we'resmarter"thanthat.When,infact,thesmarterofthebunchwillgetoffthatplummetingelevatorrightthenandthereandnothavetoloseanotherthing.Thefactofthematteristhis-wechoseourbottom.Thiscanbeit-rightnow.

Youdon'thavetobesicktowanttogetwell.Butifyoudon'twanttogetwell,youAREsick.

ShouldIGotoTreatment?

Ifyouwantwhatyou'veneverhad,youmustdowhatyou'veneverdone.

Thisisatoughquestiontoanswerandhighlydebated.Ifyouspendanytimewatchingtelevision(mostdo),thenmanyjustassumethatto"getsober",youhavetogototreatment.Thisisn'tnecessarilythecase.Historically,menandwomenhavebeengettingandstayingsoberwithoutthehelpoffancytreatmentcenters.Manypeopleareabletogetsoberandstay sober with the help of 12 Step programs alone - no rehab. They simply walk into AA one day, "get started" andneverhavetopickupadrinkoradrugagain.However,inourfast-pacedsocietywithalloflife'sdemands,treatmentcentershavecertainlycarvedoutasolidslotinthe"gettingsober"processformanyovertheyearsandhaveveryrealvalue.

Honestly, many of you may not have a choice. Treatment centers have become the "sentence" of choice for manycriminal and family courts in recent years. Get yourself into any sort of jackpot even remotely related to drugs oralcoholand,nextthingyouknow,it'sofftotreatmentinlieuofservingtimeandpayingfines.Iknowthatmytourofthetreatmentcentercircuitstartedcourtesyofthecourts.Regardlessofyourcircumstances,hereissomeinformationtohelpyoumakeamoreinformeddecisionabout"checkingin"ornot.And,ifso,where?

NotAllTreatmentCentersAretheSame

...wedonotalwayslikewhatisgoodforusinthisworld.-EleanorRoosevelt

Therearemany,manydifferenttypesofrehabsoutthereandthechoicescanbeveryconfusing.However,let'stakealook atwhatmany of themhave in commonbeforewe get to the differences.According to theNational Survey ofSubstanceAbuseTreatmentServices,thereisacertain"formula"forasuccessfultreatmentprogramthathasbecomesomewhatstandard.Thisincludes:

AssessmentandEvaluation-Thisincludesbothphysicalandpsychologicalevaluationtodeterminewhereyouareat,gatherhistoryinformation,anddevelopcurrentdiagnoses.

Alcohol/DrugDetox-This refers to the time afterwhich the body stops taking in alcohol anddrugs andwill,probably,undergosomewithdrawalsymptoms.Medicalcarefortheseissuesisprovided.

Counseling and therapeutic treatment - After detox, "treatment" starts that involves both counseling fromcertifiedcounselorsandsupportfromotherrecoveringalcoholics.

Aftercare-Ongoingsupportthroughpersonalandgrouptherapies,12stepmeetingsandotherholistictreatments.

Now,allofthatbeingsimilar,choicesaboundastowhatsortoftreatmentcenter,ifany,isgoingtoberightforyou.Youwill need todecidebetween InpatientorOutpatient,PrivateorPublic and, in somecases,Co-EdorSingleSextreatment centers. For example, I've been to a private outpatient co-ed treatment center, a private inpatient co-edtreatment center, a public outpatient same-sex treatment center and a public inpatient co-ed treatment center, just tonameafew.

Inpatientvs.Outpatient-Manypeopleareinclinedtoselect"outpatient"rightoffthebatbecausewearealsoinclinedto downplay the seriousness of our situation and themeans necessary to recover from it. This iswhat I did. Iwentthroughquiteafewoutpatienttreatmentprogramsandtheyservedseveralpurposesforme.Theygotthecourtsoffmybacktoanextent,theyeducatedmeaboutmydiseaseandtheyallowedmetocontinuetopretendtomanagemylifeonthe "outside" for a little bit longerwhile I racked up somemore consequences and losses. Some people are able tosuccessfullyparticipateintreatmentprogramsonapart-timebasiswhilecontinuingtoliveathome,managetheirfamilylives and keep their jobs. These people are exceptions to the rule, however. There are other outpatient treatmentprograms thatsimplyhaveyougo to treatmentduring thedayandreturn toyourhome(andfamily)atnight.Again,dependingonyourcircumstances,thismaybeaviableoption.Formany,andforalotofreasons,it'snotforalotofpeople.

Inpatientdrugandalcoholtreatmentismorethenormforquiteafewreasons.Thisoptiondictatesthattheindividualmoves into some sort of dorm-like setting and receives 24/7 care and supervision.Some treatment centers allow forprivate and semi-private rooms,while others youwill essentially takewhat you are given. Inpatient treatment is theidealchoiceforsomeonewhoneedsaplacetofocusentirelyontheiraddictionanddevelopingtheirrecoveryprogram.

Privatevs.Public-Regardlessof thepreviousdifferences,youwill run into rehabcenters thatarebothPrivateandPubliclyfunded.Differenttreatmentfundingsourcesinclude:

Private:Non-profit,orForProfit

StateorLocallyFunded

LowCostTreatmentCenters

FreeRehabs(CharityRehabs)

While theFree,LowCost andGovernmentFunded treatment centers soundgreat (they are, I got sober in one), it'simportanttonotethatmanyalsohavelongwaitinglists.Youmayevenneedtogetontoalongwaitinglisttogetintoapublicly-fundeddetoxfacility.Anotherdifference,althoughnottrueinallcases,maybethesizeofgroupsintherapysessions,withsmallergroupsinPrivatefacilitiesandlargergroupsinpubliclyfundedrehabs.Also,donotexpecttogetintoanysortofprivateorsemi-privateroominapublicfacility.Inretrospect,being"pampered"didnothingtogetmesober.IdidfindthemanywaitinglistsverydishearteningthoughwhenIwasfinally"ready"forthisandjustcouldn'tgetinanyplace.So,ifyouarelookingatPrivatetreatmentcentersandpossiblewaystofinanceit,considerthese:

HealthInsurance-most"good"healthinsurancepoliciesprovideforsomeformofsubstanceabusetreatment.Ifyouhaveareallygoodpolicy,youmaybeabletogetaninpatienttreatmentprogrampaidfor

FamilyMembers - youmay already have familymembers offering to pay to get you sober. I did. I even hadfriendsoffamilywillingtochipinatonepoint.

Sellstockortakemoneyfromyour401k-Ifyou'reunemployed,injailordead,therewillbeno"retirement"tosavefor,right?

HomeEquityLoan-Ifyouareluckyenoughtostillbeholdingontoyourhome,considerthis.

Sellstuff,evenyourcar-Chancesareyouhaveexpensivetoysyouhaven'tbeenusingbecauseofyou'vebeenputtingallofyourefforts intodrinkinganddrugging.Sell them.Youdon'tneedacar ifyou'renot sober. It's ahazard.

SubstanceAbuseTreatmentLoan-Yes,theyhavethesenow.

Co-edvs.SameSexTreatmentCenters-I'vebeentobothanditdidn'tmakeadifferencetomeeitherway.However,ifyouhavebeenthevictimofabuseandthinkthatyouwouldfeelsaferinasamesexfacility,byallmeans,checkthemout.Otherwise,youwillfindjustasmanypeopleatbothtypesoffacilitiesthatwanttogetsober,thatdon'twanttogetsober,orarelookingforothersortsofdistractions.

ThePro'sandCon'sofGoingtoTreatment

Ihavefoundthatsittinginaplacewhereyouhaveneversatbeforecanbeinspiring.-DodieSmith

WhenIfirststartedhittingthetreatmentcenters,Ididn'tseeany"Pro's"whatsoever.Ididnotwanttobethere,didnotthinkthatIhadaproblemliketherestofthefolksinthatplacedidandfeltveryinconveniencedbythewholething.Quite a few treatment centers andmany years of sobriety later, it'smuch easier to see their benefit.However, I doclearlyseewhattheCon'sareincommittingtotheseinstitutions.Hereareafew:

Con'sofGoingtoTreatment

Time-Yes,youarecommittingasubstantialamountofyourtimetothisprogram.YouarecommittingliterallyALLofyourtimeifyouelecttogotoaninpatienttreatmentcenter.Thismeansthatfamilyandworkresponsibilitiesneedtobere-arranged.Inmanycases,someorallofthosehave"dissolved"ontheirownbecauseofourdrinkinganddruggingactivities.

Cost -Most peoplewould agree that this is the biggest downside to treatment, particularly private rehabs. Inpatientprogramscancostupwardsof$1,000perdayandoutpatientprogramsarenotcheapeither.Publiclyfundedprogramsaremoreaffordablebutthereareoftentimesmanyhoopstojumpthroughtoqualifyandgetintotheseprograms.

Pro'sofGoingtoTreatment

StructuredEnvironment-Oneof thebiggestbenefitsof attending treatment, primarily residential (or inpatient), isthatyouareprovidedwithasafe,structuredenvironmentthatisfreeofdistractionsandtemptations.Thiswillgiveyouawindowofopportunity toKickstartYourRecovery,getsoberand learnhowto live lifewithoutdrugsandalcohol.Thisstructuredenvironmentisdesignedtoessentiallybefreeofthedailystressorsofwork,homeandfamilysothatyoucanfocusonlyonyourrecovery.

EstablishNetworkofPositivePeople-Attendingtreatment,inpatientoroutpatient,givesyoutheopportunitytoformnewfriendshipsandbondswithotherlike-minded,positivepeople.Thesearerelationshipsthatcanbethebeginningofyoursobersupportnetwork.

LearningBetterHolisticHealth-Ifgivingupdrinkinganddrugswereenough,thiswouldbeamuchshorterbook.However, the real purpose of recovery is to learn how to live a happy and healthy life without drugs and alcohol.Learningtotreatyourselfwellinallrespectsinsomethingthatyoucanlearnintreatment,suchaseatingright,beingphysicallyactiveandtakingcareofyourmentalandspiritualwell-being.

SaveMoney-Wait,what?!Didn'twejustsayinthe"Con's"that"cost"wasadownsidetogoingtotreatment?Well,yeswedid.BUT,let'slookatthebigpicturehere.Theamountofmoneythatyouwillsaveinlongrunbygetting,andstayingsober,isastoundingcomparedtocontinuingwiththatfinancialminefieldofactiveaddiction.Manypeopleareblownawaywhentheyseethefinancialfigurestiedtotheirdisease.I'mnotjusttalkingaboutthemoneyspentondrugsand alcohol (count this, though). Add in jobs lost, promotions lost, missed opportunities, legal fees, smashed cars,foreclosedhomes,andsoon.Lookingatitthisway,thecostofastintatthatfancyrehabmaynotlookasoutrageousasitdidearlier.

SaveYourLife-Forsome, it reallydoesboildownto this. It'ssimplyamatterof lifeordeath.Withoutsomereal,structured help, the end is imminent.A lot of addicts and alcoholics run to treatment in hopes that theywill "save"somethingorget their livesback.Whatmany find is that theyhavebeengivenanentirelynew life that is infinitelybetterthananythingtheycouldhaveeverdreamedpossible.

At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable asresistance,especiallyifonehadnochoice.-MayaAngelou

IfYouDecideToGo

Allglorycomesfromdaringtobegin.-EugeneF.Ware

Ifyoumakethedecision togo toa treatmentfacility,goodforyou!Youaregivingyourselfagift thatwillnotonlycomebacktoyoutenfoldbuttothoseyouknowandloveaswell,eveniftheyaren'tspeakingtoyourightnow.

AsIstatedbefore,therearesomanydifferenttypesoftreatmentfacilitiessoit'snotpossibletogiveyouaperfectrundownofwhattoexpect.However,hereareafewstandardsandafewwordsofwisdom:

Therewillbeno lockson thedoors.Thisdoesn'twork,notevenforasecond, ifyou'renotwillingsoyoucanwalkaway at any time. Even if you are court ordered to be at a place, they'll just come and pick you up to face yourconsequencesata laterdateshouldyoubolt.Checkyourwillingness levelat thedoor,and thereafter frequently,andcommittostayforwhatevertermisrecommended.

Youmaybe entering a detox facility first that is either separate or affiliatedwith the treatment center.This can lastanywherefrom2-7daysand,whilenotpleasant,isabsolutelynecessarybeforeanythingelsecantakeplacetohelpyou.Youwillbegivenmedicationtoeasethenegativeeffectsofthewithdrawalsandprobablyjustsleepalot.Remember,youneverhavetodothisagain.

Therehabcenteritselfwillbedifferent,dependingonwhereyougo.However,afterdetox,expectto"checkin"andgetsituatedwithlodgingsandaschedule.Justremember, the"poshfactor"ofyourparticularrehabfacility, i.e.-whetheryougetyourownroom(notlikely),arenearabeach,haveapool,etc.,hasabsolutelynothingtodowithhowsuccessfulthisplacewillbe ingettingyoucleanandsober.Themainfactorhere isyouandyourattitude.Ifyouwalkintothisplacewillingto"gotoanylengths"togetsober,youwill.

The education and counseling will likely start right away. Both are key components to any successful treatmentprogram.Expecttobeeducatedonthediseaseofalcoholism,includingthephysicaleffectsofyouraddictionandwhatisgoingtohappenshouldyoucontinuetouse.Dailygrouptherapysessionsarethenormaswellasperiodicindividualcounselingwithatrainedaddictionscounselor.Thesesessionscovermanythingsbutcenteronbreakingthroughdenial,teachingskillstolivelifewithoutdrugsandalcoholandrelapseprevention.

Familymeetings are also often part of a rehab program,wherein family and/or friends are invited in to learn aboutaddictionandtoparticipateinfamilycounselingsessions.Finally,AftercareProgramsarealsocommon,whereastrongplanisdevelopedfor"after"treatment,thatmayinvolveoutpatienttreatment,counseling,residenceatahalfwayhouse,periodic"checkins"withyourcounselorandothersuggestionstohelpavoidtriggersandrelapse.Nearlyallsuccessfulrehabfacilitiesandaftercareplansaregoingtoincorporate12Stepmeetingsintotheircurriculum.Thismeansthatyouwillmore than likely be going to nightlyAA (orNA)meetings from the treatment center and be recommended tocontinuewiththesewhenyouleave.

Ifyougo-Frommyexperiencewiththerevolvingdoorsofmanytreatmentcenters, thesearemywordsofwisdom.Firstandforemost,checktheattitudeatthedoor.ThisisonethingthatItookinwithmeandheldontothroughnearlyallofmystays,exceptforthelastone.Itdidmenofavors.ThinkingthatIstillknewwhatwasbestforme,aftertheshitstormthatIhadjustmadeofmylifewasludicrous.Also,demandingthatIbegivenrespectandattentionwhenIfeltIneededitwasjustasinsane.IhadtocometoaplacewhereIfinallyunderstoodthatIknewabsolutelynothingabouthowtorecoverfromthisdiseaseandthatthesepeoplewereclearlyauthoritiesonthesubject.Soprobably,Ishouldjustletthemdotheirjobandlistentosomeoneelseforachange.OnceIdidthis-madethismentalshift(somewouldcallit"surrender"),goingtotreatmentwasablessingformeandImadethemostofeverysingleopportunitythatwasputinfrontofmetolearnandtostartmyrecovery.Yes,thisincludedgoingtoAA,whichIalsoresistedforalongtime.

Thesignificantproblemswehavecannotbesolvedatthesamelevelofthinkingwithwhichwecreatedthem.-AlbertEinstein

WhatisAA?

“Thefeelingofhavingsharedinacommonperilisoneelementinthepowerfulcementwhichbindsus.”?AlcoholicsAnonymous

Manypeople,myselfincluded,haveavoidedgettingsobersimplybecausetheyfeared"joining"AA.Ihadnoconceptofwhatthisgroupwasor justhowsomethinglikethiscouldpossiblybeofanyassistancetome.Ididn'tunderstandwhatAAwasandthereisalwaysthefearoftheunknown.So,whatisAAthen?Well,ifyouaskthem:

AlcoholicsAnonymousisafellowshipofmenandwomenwhosharetheirexperience,strengthandhopewitheachotherthat they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement formembershipisadesiretostopdrinking.TherearenoduesorfeesforAAmembership;weareself-supportingthroughourowncontributions.AAisnotalliedwithanysect,denomination,politics,organizationorinstitution;doesnotwishtoengageinanycontroversy,neitherendorsesnoropposesanycauses.Ourprimarypurposeistostaysoberandhelpotheralcoholicstoachievesobriety.

Whatitis,really,isamulti-facetedprogramthatincorporatesmeetings,fellowshipandworkinga12-stepprograminordertobringaboutachangeinthealcoholicandprovidecontinuedgrowthandsupport.AAwasfoundedin1935byBillWilson(knownasBillW)andDr.RobertSmith(knownasDr.Bob),basedonthemainprincipleofonealcoholicsharing theirexperienceswithanother.Within4years, theirbasic textcalled"AlcoholicsAnonymous" (akaTheBigBook)waspublishedandmembershipblossomed.Today,thereareover2millionmembersofAAworld-wide(over1/2oftheseintheU.S.)andover115,000registeredAAGroups.Infact,therearenowover200differentfellowshipsthatemploythe"12Steps"forrecoveryfromAA(alteredtofit).Hardtoarguewiththosenumbers.

Separatereedsareeasilybroken;butboundtogethertheyarestrongandhardtobreakapart.-TheMidrash

IsAAaCult?

ThecirclestandsforthewholeworldofA.A.,andthetrianglestandsforA.A.'sThreeLegaciesofRecovery,Unity,andService.

ThereareSOmanywebsitesthatwilldebatethispoint,thatIdon'treallyneedtogettoodeepintoithere.However,itisanoftenaskedquestionbynewcomersandissometimesmentionedatmeetings(tongueincheek,ornot).Theanswer?Ummm...itcouldbe,sortof.Who in their rightmindsaidwhen theywereakid -"hey, Iwant togrowup tobeanaddictoranalcoholicandthenjoinaculttogetbetter?"Uh-Idon'trecalleverutteringthosewords.However,thereisnodisputingthatAAworksandis,handsdown,themostsuccessfulprogramforachievingandmaintainingsobriety.Aretheresome"cultish"elementsatworkhere?Perhaps.CharlieSheenrantedonTwitterthatAAisnothingbut"aCultofstupidpeople".Now,who'sgoingtoarguewiththelikesofCharlieSheen?

Acultisdefinedasagroupofpeoplewhohavedivinefaithinaperson,belief,objectormovement.Whatseparatesacult from recognized religious organizations is that the term is used in reference to a group or organization withpracticesandbeliefsthatareconsideredabnormalorbizarre.Cultsservediversepurposesforindividuals,includingapositivesenseofcommunitywithdefinedvalues.Cultsofferacceptance,unconditional loveandsupportaswellasastrongsenseoffamilywithinthegroup.Forthosewhohavebeenthroughadifficultlifefilledwithharm,sadnessandabuse,theseorganizationscanbeeverythingthattheyhadhopedanddreamedof.CanyougetthesethingsinAA?Yes,youabsolutelycan.ButIgotmanyofthemonmywaterpoloteam,too.

ThomasLynch,inanarticleonbeliefnet.comcalled"AA:NotReligious,NotaCult,"saysthisaboutAA:Mychurch,myRotaryclub,andmybowlingleagueareeachmorecultishthanA.A.is.Ittakesnotithes,commissions,fines,orfees.There'snokool-aidtodrink,communiontotake,secretcodes,orinsignia.A.A.doesnotworkbyshameorguiltorfearorprideorpower.Itworksbysurrender,lettinggo,givingup,listening.Itdoesnotpromisesalvation,justice,fortune,orabetterfigure.Youmaycomeandgoasyouplease.ItclaimsnocorneronthemarketofGod.Infact,theonlyarticleoffaithitrequiresisthatifthere'saGod,itisn'tme.

CriticsoftheBigBookcompareitstexttothereligioustextsofothercults.Itrepresentsstories,lessonsandguidelinesfor peoplewho are overcoming alcoholism in a simpleway and say it provides stories to explain the faults of non-believers.Thisisoneperspective.OthercriticsseeAAashavinganelementof"Separatism"toit,wheremembersseethemselvesasoutsidersanddifferentfromtherestofsociety.Thisalsosometimesleadstoseparatelanguageor"jargon"thatonlymembersunderstand.Charismaticleadersarecharacteristicofmostcultsand,whileAA'stendtobeabit"inawe"of their founders, thoseguyshavebeendeadformanyyearsand theorganizationhasnoeffective"leadership"whatsoeverinthepresentday.

Truestory:InmyfirstyearofsobrietymyselfandmybestfriendMichellewereinvitedtoanAAmovie"gettogether"onaSaturdaynight.WemetagroupofAAmembersatthisroominthebackofawarehousetowatchanold,historic,interviewfilmofBillW.,oneofthefoundersofAA.Everyonebroughtfoodandsnacks.Thetwoofuswerestandingoutsideduringabreak,lookinginatthisgroupofpeople-linedup,sittingattablesinthedark,drinkingteaandjuice,andwatchinganoldblackandwhitevideoofour(dead)"leader".Ilookedatmyfriendandsaid"holyshit,Michelle.We'vejoinedagoddamncult!".Shesaid,"uhhuh".Andwebothwentbackinsideandsatdownforthesecondhalf.

Here'sthething.Cult,nocult.Itworks.It'sreallymore"nocult"thanitisotherwiseanyway.Andbythetimewegethere, each and every one of us could use a serious brain washing, and then rinse and repeat. Consider these finalthoughtsbeforemovingon.IfAAisacult ithastobeoneoftheoddestcultsofall;Thinkaboutit,howmanycultshaveyouheardofthat:

1.Youcanbelieve,ornotbelieve,inahigherpowerofyourchoice.

2.Youcanquitwithnobacklashfrommembers.

3.Youcanquitandcomebackasoftenasyoulikewithnobacklashfrommembers.

4.Youcanfollowthesuggestionsifyouwishornot.

5.Youcanattenddrunkasaskunkforyears.

6.Youcanputmoneyinthebasketornot.

7.Therearenorules.

A.A.isnosuccessstoryintheordinarysenseoftheword.Itisastoryofsufferingtransmuted,undergrace,intospiritualprogress.ASBILLSEESIT,p.35

But...HowDoesitWork?

"Sharedjoyisdoublejoy,andsharedsorrowishalf-sorrow."-SwedishProverb

Foryears,Itookissuewiththesetreatmentcenters,"recoveryprograms"and12stepmeetingsthatthrewwhatIsawasabunchofhocuspocusstuffupinfrontofmeandtoldmethatifIwouldonlygiveitatry,Iwouldbe"wellonmyway"togettingbetter.Ididn'tgetit.Iwaseducatedandprettysmart,dammitandIwantedsomeonetospelloutformeinblackandwhitejustHOWdoingthosethingswasgoingtohelpme.That'satoughorder.

WhatIfoundwasthatIhadtogettoaplaceofdesperationandcompletewillingness,whereIjustdidn'tcare"How"itworkedanymore.Ijustknewforafact,finally,thatmywaywasn'tworkingandwaswillingtotrysomethingelse.Thisgivingupofcontrolisabigstepforanyone,butespeciallysoforsomeoneinthethroesofaddiction.Recoveryfromalcoholism happens on many levels: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. The program of AA addresses thesedifferentlevelsofrecoverythroughit'sdifferentfacetsof:attendingmeetings,gettingasponsor,workingthe12steps,spiritualprinciplesandinvolvementinthefellowship.Indoingthesethings,oldhabitsarebroken,new(healthy)habitsareformed,andweareabletotakeadeeperlookatthecausesandconditionsunderlyingourlongdrinkingcareers.Allofthisisdoneinsomemannerthattapsintothemechanismsthatcounterthecomplexneurologicalandpsychologicalprocesses through which this disease wreaks its havoc. Better yet, it's done through the power of "the group".Psychologistshave longknown thatoneof thebestways tochangehumanbehavior is togatherpeoplewithsimilarproblemsintogroupsinsteadoftreatingthemindividually.ThisisoneofAA'sprecepts.

Whetherit is theinitialactof"surrender", thegroupsupportsetting, theself-awarenessthatcomesfromworkingtheSteps,orthecloserelationshipsinthefellowshipthroughhelpingothersthatarethekeycomponentstothealcoholic'srecovery(oneorallofthese),nooneknows.Whatwedoknow,however,isthatdespiteallwe’velearnedoverthepastfewdecadesaboutpsychology,neurology,andhumanbehavior,contemporarymedicinehasyettodeviseanythingthatworksmarkedlybetter. “Inmy20yearsof treatingaddicts, I’venever seenanythingelse thatcomesclose to the12steps,” says Drew Pinsky, the addiction-medicine specialist who hosts VH1's Celebrity Rehab. “In my world, ifsomeonesaystheydon’twanttodothe12steps,Iknowtheyaren’tgoingtogetbetter.”Aswecontinuetostudyandcollectdata,agrowingbodyofevidencesuggeststhat,whileAAmaynotbeamiraclecureforall,peoplewhobecomedeeplyinvolvedintheprogramstaysoberanddowelloverthelonghaul,andthisstartswithattendingmeetings.

We perceive that only through utter defeat are we able to take our first steps towardliberationandstrength.Ouradmissionsofpersonalpowerlessnessfinallyturnouttobefirmbedrockuponwhichhappyandpurposefullivesmaybebuilt.TWELVESTEPSANDTWELVETRADITIONS,p.21

TheMeetings

Thereweredeepsecrets,hiddeninmyheart,neversaidforfearotherswouldscofforsnear.AtlastIcanrevealmysufferings,forthestrengthIoncefeltinsilencehaslostallitspower.-

DeidraSarault

Everythingaboutgettingsoberisuncomfortable,sometimespainfulandjustplainweird.AttendanceatyourfirstAAmeetingsfitsinnicelywiththat.Noonefeelscompletely"atease"walkingintotheirfirstAAmeeting.Mostpeoplearecompletelypetrified,horrifiedorjustplainangryatthethoughtthatthisiswherethey'veendedup.Oneusefulthingtorememberisthat,despitethemanyhappyfacesyouwillseeintheroom(moreonthatlater),everysinglepersontherehadtheverysameexperiencethatyouarehavingandyouarenotalone.Don'tdismissameetingjustbecauseyouthinkit's weird (it may be) or because you didn't understand anything that went on there. Give it a chance. Go to severalmeetingandseveraldifferentkindsofmeetingsbeforepassingjudgment.Yes,AAmeetingsareabitritualisticandhavea"format".Hereisalittlebitaboutwhatyoucanexpectatatypicalmeeting:

AAMeetingsareheldinmanydifferentsortsofplaces.Oftentimes,theyareheldinchurches,schools,andotherpublicbuildings.Youcanfindnearlyanymeetinglistonlinebyjustgoogling"aameetings"andyourtown.Ifyouarriveearly,youwilllikelyfindpeoplestandingoutsidetalkingandsmoking,asmostmeetingsarenownon-smoking.Usually,thereis coffee available at meetings and sometimes cookies or snacks. AA meetings generally last an hour and are prettypunctualwiththeirstartingandendingtimes.Ameetingwillberunbya"Chairperson",whowillleadameetingforaweek,amonth,oraspecifiedperiodandthensomeoneelsewilltakeovertheposition.Thispersonsimply"leads"orfacilitatesthemeeting,theyarenotincharge.

Whenameetingstarts,theChairpersonwillcallthemeetingtoorder.ThereisgenerallyamomentofSilencefollowedby the Serenity Prayer (“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change thethingsIcan,andthewisdomtoknowthedifference”).SometimesthereareadditionalreadingsfromtheBigBook,suchas"HowitWorks"andotheritemsthatthechairpersonneedstoread.TheChairpersonwillalsoaskifthereisanyoneattendingtheirfirstAAmeetingorifthereisanyone"New".Thisisyourcueifyouwishtoraiseyourhandandjustsayyourname.Youdon'thavetogiveaspeech(please,don't).Theyjustwantyourname-nothingelse.TheChairpersonwillalso,atsomepoint,askifthereisanyone"havingaproblemstayingsobertoday"?Thisisalsoanopportunityforyoutoraiseyourhand,sayyournameagain,andletpeopleknowthatyouarehavingatoughtime-ifyouare.

Themeetingwillthencontinuedependinguponthemeetingformat.Atsomepoint,themeetingwillpauseforabaskettobepassed.ThisisAA's7thTraditionthatstatesthattheprogramis"self-supporting".Manypeopleputin$1intothebasket.Donotfeelpressuredtoputanythingintothebasketatalluntilyouaremorecomfortablegoingtothemeetings,oruntilyourfinancialsituationdictates.Attheendofthemeeting,oratsomepointbefore,chipswillbehandedout.Chipsarehandleddifferentlyateverymeetingbutmostmeetingsgiveouta"whitechip",whichistheuniversalsignofsurrender.Ifthisisyourfirstmeetingandyouwishto"surrender"andjoin,goupandpickupawhitechip.Ifyouaren'treadytodothisyet,that'sok.Keepcomingback.Attheendofthemeeting,groupmemberswillstandandjoinhandstosayeithertheLord'sPrayerortheSerenityPrayer,forthosewhocareto.

These are the basic meeting elements that you will encounter regardless of the meeting format or where you attendmeetings.Thisallowsmemberstowalkintoanymeeting,anyplaceintheworldandfeel"athome",evenifthemeetingistakingplaceinanotherlanguage.

MeetingFormats

Youmayalreadyhaveaskedyourselfwhyitisthatallofusbecamesoveryillfromdrinking.Doubtlessyouarecurioustodiscoverhowandwhy,inthefaceofexpertopiniontothecontrary,wehaverecoveredfromahopelessconditionofmindandbody.Ifyouareanalcoholicwhowantstogetoverit,youmayalreadybeasking--"WhatdoIhavetodo?"-

AlcoholicsAnonymous,p.20

NowthatwehavetheelementsofanAAMeetingdown(whatyouwillfindateverymeeting),whatabouttheFormats?Meetingformatschange.TherearequiteafewdifferenttypesofAAMeetings.Ontheonehand,thiscanbeconfusingtothenewcomer.Ontheotherhand,itkeepsthingsfreshandinterestingforthosewholiketoattendvarioustypesofmeetings.

Openvs.ClosedMeetings-Firstandforemost,everymeetingwilleitherbeanOpenMeetingoraClosedMeeting.OpenMeetingsare"open"forattendancetoanyone.Thismeansthatanyonewhothinksthattheymayhaveaproblemwithdrinking,someonewhoissupportinganalcoholic,someonewhois"justcurious",physiciansandacademicsarefreetoattendthesemeetings.ClosedMeetingsarejustthat-Theyareonlyopentopeoplewhohaveadesiretostopdrinking.Ifyouarewonderingwhetheryouareanalcoholicornot,attendeither.Icantellyouthatthereisnotickettakeratthedoorconductinginterviewstodeterminewhetheryou"belong"thereornot.Ifyouthinkyoudo,youmostcertainlydo.

DiscussionMeetings-Thechairpersonwillbringupatopic,eitherfromtheirpersonalexperienceinrecoveryorfromAAapprovedliterature,andthenopenupdiscussiontotherestofthegroup.

SpeakerMeetings-AnothermemberofAA,generallywith6monthsormoreofsobriety,will tell theirstorytothegroup.Ifthereistimeafterthespeakerfinishes,discussionmaybeopeneduptothegroup.

Big BookMeetings - Passages or a chapter from the Big Book is read and other members then comment on thatpassageandhowitrelatestotheirrecovery.

StepStudyMeetings-ThisisthesameideaastheBigBookmeetingbutthetextusedisthe"TwelveStepsandTwelveTraditions"or"12and12".Membersreadandthensharewithrespecttothepassagesread.

BeginnerMeetings-Focusonpeoplewithlessthanoneyearofsobriety,whoaregiventheopportunitytoshareonatopic.Discussion is openedup to "old timers" afterwards if there is time. (Definitely search out and attend someofthese).

OtherMeetings-Therearequitea fewmeeting formats (toomany to list).A fewotherareLivingSoberMeetings(another literature study), Grapevine Meetings (AA Magazine study), Women's Meetings (Women Only), Men'sMeetings(MenOnly),YPG(YoungPeople'sGroup-anyoneiswelcomehere),andsoon.

HOWManyMeetings?

Newcomersareoftenhorrifiedwhentheyheartherecommendationthattheyattend90Meetingsin90Days(aka"90in90").This isofcoursea"recommendation"ora suggestionandnota requirement formembership.Thiscameaboutfrom the realization that the people whomade it 90 days without a relapse had amuch better chance of sustainedrecoveryandthatthe90-daypointrepresentedsomesortofthreshold.ArecentTimeMagazinearticlegoesontosay"...Itturnsoutthatthisisjustabouthowlongittakesforthebraintoresetitselfandshakeofftheimmediateinfluenceofadrug. Researchers at Yale University have documented what they call the sleeper effect--a gradual re-engaging ofproperdecisionmakingandanalytical functions in thebrain'sprefrontalcortex--afteranaddicthasabstained foratleast90days."Therearemanybenefits to,numberone- takingsuggestionsandnumber two-actuallydoing the90meetingsin90days.

First, by actually taking the suggestion andmaking this commitment, the individual is showing that they are reallywillingtochangetheirlifeandwillingnessisakeyelementtoobtainingandsustainingsobriety.Abigpartofitisthe"exposure" thatyouget to theprogram thatallowsyou to learnhow theprogramworks,get somesupportandmeetsome new people. This also ensures that the program becomes a priority and can be a great self-esteem boost andconfidenceboostsimplybecauseyouarekeepingadailycommitment.Honestly,thiswasnotanissueformeinearlysobriety.Iwassufficientlywilling,freakedoutandhumbledenoughtodowhateverwasaskedofmeandIspentfarmorethananhouradaydrinking,druggingandsufferingtheconsequencesofthoseactions.Thisdidn'tseemtoomuchtoaskandIoftenwenttoseveralmeetingsadaytopassthetimeandgettoknowpeople.

AfewotherimportantthingstocoveraboutAAMeetingsare:theallimportantMeetingEtiquette,theimportanceofaHomeGroup,theroleofAAClubsandClubhousesandAlternativeMeetingFormats.

MeetingEtiquette

Almostwithoutexception,alcoholicsaretorturedbyloneliness.Evenbeforeourdrinkinggotbadandpeoplebegantocutusoff,nearlyallofussufferedthefeelingthatwedidn'tquite

belong.ASBILLSEESIT,p.90

WhetheryouarewalkingintoyourfirstAAmeetingoryourtwentieth,theprocesscanstillbeintimidatingand,asanewcomer,newcopingskillshaveyettobedevelopedtohelpeasethepain.IknowthatIliketohaveagoodideaaboutwhatI'mabouttowalkintoandhowIshould"act",soherearesomegeneralguidelinesaboutmeetingetiquettesothatyoucanfeelslightlymoreatease.

First,relax.Nothingisthatbigofadealand,despiteyourbesteffortstothecontrary,thepeopleintheroomsofAAwillbe able to spot a newcomer amile away.No one should put you on the spot and youwill always bemade to feelwelcome.Ifanyoneeverasksyoutosayanythingandyousimplydon'twantto,thestandardreplyis"I'djustliketolisten"or"I'llpass".That'sit-movingon.

Acommontacticusedbymanytoreduceanxietyandavoidhavingtospeaktoanyoneistoarrivelatetothemeetingandleaveearly.Don'tdothisasyouaresellingyourselfshort.Ifyouhavesocialanxiety,asmostofusdo,simplyusethefewminutesbeforethemeetingtograbacupofcoffeeandcheckoutsomeofthefreeliteraturethatislaidout.Intime,thatuneasewilllessen.Herearesomeotheretiquetteguidelinestokeepinmind:

Turn off your cell phone! - Don't put it on "vibrate" and don't text, surf theweb or email people during themeeting.Justsilencethethingandputitaway.Mostmeetingswillannouncethisatthebeginningtoremindyou.

Ifyouspeak,identifyyourself-Attheveryleast,giveyourname.Youcansay,"Hi,MynameisJoe"or"MynameisJoe,I'manalcoholic".Uptoyou.But,membersexpecttohearyournamebeforetheyhearanythingelsefromyou.

No"DoubleDipping"-Thismeansthatifyoushareinameeting,that'sit.Youdon'tgettoraiseyourhandandshareagainlater.(Thereareexceptionstothisruleforsomeliteraturestudymeetingformats).

Limit your comments to no more than 3 minutes. You will notice other members breaking this "guideline"constantly.Trustme-sticktoitandyouwillbehailedandrespected.

No"CrossTalking"-This refers todirectlyaddressinganothermemberwhenyouspeak (orshare)ordirectlyaddressingthecommentsofanothermember.

Neverinterruptsomeonewhoisspeakingorbedisruptivebytalking,orwhispering,toyourneighbor(aka"sideconversations").

Whensharing,talkaboutpersonalexperiencesandfeelingsastheyrelatetorecoveryandthemeetingtopic.This isgenerally referred toassharingyour"experience, strengthandhope". It isnotcool,ever, to tellanothermember what to think or how to behave. This isn't about giving or getting "advice", rather identification andsharing of similar experiences and feelings in recovery. Thismay sound confusing. If so, simply sit back andobserveforabitandyouwillgettheidea.

Finally,justkeepcomingback.Whatmayseemforeign,stiflingandevenverystrangeinthebeginningprovidesanoddsenseofcomfortonceyoubegintobecomeaccustomedtoit.Andremember,noneofuswalkedintotheroomsofAAforthefirsttimeunderstandinganyofthisstuff.Whilethereappeartobealotof"rules",therereallyaren'tany.Thesearesimplyguidelinestofollowforagroupsofpeoplewhoareusedtolivingtheirlivesbynoruleswhatsoever.Wearepeoplefromallwalksoflifewithacommonproblemwhocometogethertolearnhowtogetwellandtostartrespectingourselvesandeachother.

TheHomeGroup

Werecoveredalcoholicsarenotsomuchbrothersinvirtueaswearebrothersinourdefects,andinourcommonstrivingstoovercomethemASBILLSEESIT,p.167

Thetermisusedoften,eitherintreatmentcenters,atbeginnermeetings,orjustgenerallyreadinsomemeetingformats,butnoonereallystopstoexplainwhatexactlya"HomeGroup"inAAis.Youaresimplytoldthatyoushould"get"one,yetthereisnoguideastohowtogoaboutdoingthiseither.Orwhyyoushouldatall.

The "Home Group" actually stems from AAs roots, where early members would meet in the "homes" of fellowmembers.Fromthese"HomeGroups",theywouldgoouttohelpnewcomersseekingsobrietythroughAA.AsAAhasgrown,andmeetingsbecameheldinpublicvenues,theconceptoftheHomeGroupstillheldtrue.Thisgroupbecomesyour"homebase",ifyouwill,andwillbethemeetingthatyoumakeacommitmenttoattendasoftenasyouareable.AsamemberofaHomeGroup,youthenhavetherightandprivilegetovoteinthatgroup'sbusinessmeetingsandtoparticipate in theAAservicestructure through thatgroup(thereareotherserviceopportunitiesnot tied to thegroup,however).

AAmembers aremembersofAAas awhole in anygivenmeeting, anyplace in theworld.However, in theirHomeGroup,theyarealsomembersofthatgroup.Ingeneral,itwillbetheplacewheretheycelebratetheirAAAnniversaryaswellaswheremembersformthestrongestbondswithothermembers.Formany,thisbecomesanextendedfamilyandstrongfriendshipsareformed.Italsoaddsa layerofaccountability toyourrecovery,whereinmemberswill takenoticeifyoustopattendingorseemtohavesomethingbotheringyou(thisisagoodthing).

AnotheradvantageofbeingamemberofaHomeGroupandattendingregularlyisthatyouhaveagroupofpeoplewhoreallygettoknowyouwellandbecome"invested"inyourlifeandyourtrials.Theywillvisityouinthehospital,callwhen you lose a loved one and offer advice when you ask them for it. I remember being a few years sober andstrugglingwithhowtobreakmyanonymitytomyboss.Iwasinasituationwhereithadtobedone.Ihadmembersofmyhomegroupthatwouldaskmeeveryweek,"Taite,what'sgoingonwithyourworksituation?".(Itturnedoutfine).Thatwasnicetohaveotherpeoplethatcaredenoughtobethinkingaboutmyproblems,wantingtohelpandwantingapositiveoutcomeforme.

Asfarashowto"join"aHomeGroupgoes,itmaybeassimpleassaying(toyourself),"thisismyhomegroup".Thatishowmycurrenthomegroupoperates.It'syour"HomeGroup"ifyousayitis.Others,yousimplysignyourfirstnameinabookandyou're"in".It'sthatsimple.Ifindoubt,simplyasktheChairpersonafterameetingandtheywillbegladtohelpyou.Ingeneral,mostpeoplearemembersofjustoneHomeGroup.

Overtheyears,theveryessenceofA.A.strengthhasremainedwithourhomegroup,which,formanymembers,becomesourextendedfamily.Onceisolatedbyourdrinking,wefindinthehomegroupasolid,continuingsupportsystem,friendsand,veryoften,asponsor.-AlcoholicsAnonymousWorldServices

ClubHouses

Ifyou'relookingtohaveanimageinAA,lookaroundatthemeetingsyougotoandtakealookatwhoyou'retryingtoimpress.

Thisonecanconfusethecrapoutofnewcomers,andsomeuninitiatedold-timersaswell.SomeAAmeetingsareheldatwhatare referred toas"Clubhouses".Thesearecentralized locations, thatarenotchurches, schools,etc.,and thatgenerallyhavemultiplemeetingsadayinthesamelocation.ThemostimportantthingtonoteaboutClubHousesisthattheyareNOTAAGroups.Infact,theyarerequiredtobesetupasseparatebusinessesandeachmeetingthatisheldinthe clubhouse then pays part of its collection to the ClubHouse for themeeting space. Theremay also be severaldifferenttypesofmeetingsheldinthelocation,suchasAA,NA,Al-Anon,Coda,etc.

Iamnot"knocking"ClubHousesatall.IgotsoberatoneandmyHomeGroupisinanAlanoClub.Theyhavesometremendousbenefitsandjustafewdownsides.ThebenefitsofClubHousesisthatmanyare"open"alldaylong(some24hours)anduntilvery lateatnight, regardless if there isameetinggoingonornot.Thisprovidesasafe, recoveryatmosphereforpeopletojustgoand"hangout"iftheywouldlikeinsteadofsittingathomealone,staringattheclockand waiting for the next meeting to start. You can do that here instead. Many Club Houses also have very largemembershipsanddoalotofextraactivitiessuchaspicnics,dances,potlucksandmarathonmeetingsonholidayssuchasChristmas,ThanksgivingandNewYears.

The fewdownsides toClubHousesare thatmanypeopledomistake them forAAGroups.Theyarenot.Authority,responsibility and accountability can getmuddled.More so than at regularAAmeetings, youmay find people justhangingoutatClubHouseswhoaren'tnecessarilylookingtogetsoberaslookingtostayoffthestreetorstayoutoftrouble.Somemaycometobelieve thatsimplyhangingoutasoberClubHouse isgoing tobeenoughtokeep themsober.Itmostcertainlywillnot.Ifyouwanttogetsoberandstaysober,thereisstillsomeotherworktobedone.

IfYouMust...MeetingsOnlineandInPrint

WhyIgotomeetings."Itisdifficulttosolveaproblemwiththesamemindthatcreatedit."

Letmebeclearupfrontonthis,unlessyouare"housebound"orliveoutsidetheUnitedStates,thisdoesn'tapplytoyou.And,evenifyouareeitheroftheabove,itlikelydoesn'tapplytoyou.InAA'searlyyears,therewereveryfewGroupsandmeetingswerefewandfarbetween.Somepeopletraveledhours,ordays,togettoanAAmeetingonlytowaitweekstoattendtheirnextmeeting.And,guesswhat?Theystayedsober!Others,inremotepartsoftheworld,wereonlyable tocommunicatewithother recoveringalcoholics throughwrittencorrespondence, againwhere theyhad towaitweeksormoreforareply.Guesswhatagain?I'mnotevengoingtosayit.

Let'sfaceit,we'respoiled.Today,thereareover2millionmembersofAAworld-wideandover115,000AAGroups;andIthinkthattheseareconservativenumbers.Inmostcitiesandtowns,therearemeetingsgoingonmultipletimesadayorjustashortdriveaway.Yes,amajorityofGroupsareintheUnitedStatesbutthisisaworld-widefellowshipandthefactthatyouliveinsomesmall,remotecountrymaynotprecludeyourparticipation.You'reallsetBotswana-Ijustverifiedthis.Ihavebeeninsomeserious3rdworldplaces,ridingdowntheroadonlytolookoverandseethatlittleblueAAsignhanginginawindowsomewhere.Comfortingsite,that.

However,ifyouliveonEasterIsland(theydon'thavemeetingsthere,Ichecked),orareperhapsservingonaseagoingvesselforlongperiodsoftime,thenCorrespondenceMeetingsandMeetingsOnlinemaybeforyou.ThereisaprogramcalledLoners-InternationalistsMeeting(LIM),thatisaserviceavailableforsituationssuchasthisandissponsoredbyAAWorldServices.GoHereformoreinformationonthisprogram.

If youwould like to check out AAMeetings online, there aremany. You can find a good directory ofOnlineAAMeetingshere.However,letmestateonemoretimethattheseshouldnotbeasubstituteforlivemeetingsifyoucangettothem.WhentheprogramofAAwasfounded,therewasnointernetandLiveMeetingsarerealpeoplesharingrealissues in livingcolor.Aglaringcharacteristicofmanyalcoholics, recoveringornot, is thesearchforaneasiersofterway.Areyoulookingfore-recoveryorrealrecoveryfromalcoholism?Itcomesdowntowillingness,really.IfyouareindowntownChicago,surroundedbyAAmeetingsandcanonlybebotheredtoclickalinkonyourlaptoptoattendameeting,there'sanissuethere.Ifyou,however,doliveonEasterIslandandwouldgiveyourbigtoetoattendareallivemeetingifonewerethere(hint:startone),gettingonlineanddoingwhatyoucanwithwhatyouhaveatthemomentshowsyourcompletewillingnesstoworkforyoursobriety.Makesense?

Finally, ifyouhavesomephysical limitationsorarehomeboundforwhatever reason, there ishelp.AAhaswhat iscalleda"SpecialNeeds"Committee that iscomprisedofmemberswhowant tohelpyouget tomeetings.Whatyouneed to do isGoogle "AA intergroup" and then your city or town.Give those guys a call and let them know yoursituation.TheywillputyouintouchwithyourlocalSpecialNeedsCommitteeand/ortakeyournameandnumberandhavesomeonegetbacktoyouwhocangiveyousomeassistanceineithergettingyoutoanAAmeetingorbringinganAAmeetingtoyou.

What'sUpWithThoseSlogans

TheAAslogansarelikerailingsfortheSteps.

StepintoanyAAGroupmeetingroomorAAClubHouseandyouwilllikelyseecardsaroundtheroomorevenframedposterson thewallswithcatchy littleslogans.Whenyourmindclearsenoughto take inwhat'ssaid in themeetings,you'llalsonoticethesephrasesthrownoutquiteabit.Whileevenmanyold-timersmaythinkthatsomeoftheseareabitcorny,thereisnodoubtthatAAischockfullofslogansandthattheydohavetheiruses.

Theslogansactuallyactascompactlittleremindersoftheprinciplesoftheprogramthatcanberepeated,discussedorplastered on your wall to keep you on track. Many of these slogans may seem simple enough on the surface but,remember, simplicity does not always mean superficiality. So, before you scoff at the slogans and discount themcompletely,rememberafewsimpleideas.Theslogansserveasinspirationtothoseparticipatingintheprogramandalsoprovideasenseofbelongingandtogetherness.HerearejustafewofAAsmainslogansandtheirmeanings:

LetGoandLetGod.Theadvicehereistodevelopthecapacitytoletgoofproblems.Itinvolvesputtingfaithinahigherpowerinthebelief that thingswill turnoutas theyshould.Theindividual isnot themasterof thewholeuniverseandby lettinggo theyacknowledge this. Ifpeople try tocontrol toomuchof theirownlife itwill justmeanthattheyaregettingintheway.

OneDayataTime.ThisisprobablythemostfamousofalltheAAslogans.Itremindsthememberthattheyhavenocontrolovertomorrow.Theironlyjobistodothebesttheycantoday.Attemptingtofighttomorrow’sbattlestendstodoalotmoreharmthangood.Thereisalreadyenoughthatneedsdoingtoday.

This Too Shall Pass. Life is constantly changing and so are the things that people will experience. Even ifproblemsseemhugeatthetimetheyareunlikelytoseemsoimportantinthefuture.Thissloganisaremindertopeopletohangintherewiththeknowledgethatnothinglastsforever.Itissimilartotheideathat“timehealsallwounds”.

Think,Think,Think. Acting rashly often leads to negative results. This catchphrase reminds people to thinkcarefullybeforetheydosomethingtheymightlaterregret.

VerylittleinAAis"original"stuffandmanyofthesecatchphraseshavebeenborrowedfromtheworld'sgreatspiritualtraditions.ThereareliterallyhundredsofAAslogansand,whilesomemaynotmakesensetoyouorjustseemreallystupid, theremaybeothers thatareofgreatbenefitanddooffer thatadditional inspirationthat isneededincompactformatjusttherightmoment.

"TheslogansareBand-aids;Thestepsarethecure;yourHigherPoweristhedoctor."

The12Steps-ToWhat?

Allweaskisthatyoucompletelychangeyourattitudeassoonaspossible.

AsanewcomerinAA,oratreatmentcenterresident,we'llhearsuchthingsas"thesamepersonthatwalkedthroughthosedoorswilldrinkagain"and"theonlythingyouhavetochangeis-everything."Well,they'reright.Gettingsoberand staying sober requires the changing of not only actions but of attitudes aswell and that's a tough nut to crackwithoutsomesortofformulaorprocesstofollow.Enterthe12Steps.

Whileattendanceatmeetingsisakeypartofrecovery,asareotheractivities,attheheartoftheprogramisthe12Stepsandyouwillbehardpressedtofindameetingroomthatdoesn'thavetheseprominentlydisplayedforalltosee.ItisstronglysuggestedthatyouworktheStepswithaSponsor,someonewhohasexperiencewiththisandwithsometimein recovery. Themain premise of beginning the 12 Steps is that we admit to using something outside ourselves tochangethewaywefeel,andhaveusedittoexcess.Thereisthatadmissionofpowerlessnessandunmanageabilitythat,whetherconsciousornot,manyofusmadebeforefinallyaskingforhelp.

What working the 12 Steps does is allow us to take a look at the role our ego and pride has played in our lives,particularlyinouraddictionsandouractions.Thepersonalreflectionthattakesplaceandconfessionactuallyhelpstoestablish new levels of self awareness and helps to overcome the shame that nearly all of us have,whetherwe areinitiallyawareof itornot.Scientistsbelieve that thisprocessmayactuallyhelp to"rewire thebrain" in that thepre-frontal cortex is reinvigorated.Our senseof self is impactedprofoundlyby theprocessofmakingamends, that alsoservestoalleviatefeelingsofguiltandlimitstressorsthatcouldtriggerrelapse.Finally,andcertainlynotleast,thereisarenewedspiritualconnectionthattakesplacethroughthisentireprocess.Thisis,ofcourse,verydifficulttomeasurebutthereisnodoubtthatthisisanessentialelementto,andbyproductof,workingtheSteps.

Mostalcoholicswouldratherdiethanlearnanythingaboutthemselves.Infact,theydo.

WhatisaSponsorandDoINeedOne?

"Iwouldbefine,IfIlistenedtoopinionsotherthanjustmyown......."

Manynewcomers inAA look for "loopholes" and reasonswhy they shouldn't "have" to take suggestions.One verycommon suggestion is that you get a Sponsor. If you are looking for a loophole, here it is: there is no mention ofsponsorshipintheBigBookatall.Infact,intheearliestdaysofAA,thetermsponsorwasnotinAAjargon.However,it wasn't too long before a few hospitals in both Akron, OH ("birthplace" of AA) and New York began acceptingpatients under the "alcoholic" diagnosis only if a sober member of AA would agree to "sponsor" that person. Thesponsorwouldactuallybringthatpersontothehospital,visitthem,handlethematdischargeandthenbringthemintothefoldofAAonceout.Throughtheearlymonthsofrecovery,thesponsorwouldbetherereadytolistenandanswerquestionswheneverneeded.Thispracticehas sincebecomea long-standingcustomandessentialelementof theAAProgramofrecovery.AAdefinesasponsorshipinthisway:"Analcoholicwhohasmadesomeprogressintherecoveryprogramwho shares that experience on a continuous, individual basis with another who is attempting to attain ormaintainsobrietythroughA.A."

Thisisanotherinstanceofrecognizingthat"mybestthinkinggotmehere"andthatIneedtolearnhowtoaskforandaccepthelpfromsomeoneelse.Iknowalotaboutgettingdrunkandscrewingupmylifebutnexttonothingabouthowtogetandstaysober.OneofthefoundationsofthisprogramisthatwehelpeachothertosucceedandSponsorshipissetuptodothatjustthat.So,doyouneedasponsor?Well,onlyifyouwanttorecover.Butbeforeyougrabthefirst"sober"personyouseeatameetingforthejob,let'sclarifyjustwhatasponsor'srolereallyisandsomethingsthatyoumaywanttoconsiderwhenselectingasponsor.

Sponsoringyourselfislikeusingunskilledlabor.

ASponsor'sRole

"S.P.O.N.S.O.R.=SoberPersonOfferingNewcomersSuggestionsOnRecovery."

Thereislittledebatethatthesponsor'skeyroleistoactasguidethroughthe12Steps.ItisunderstoodthattheStepsarenever to beworked alone and should be undertakenwith the help and guidance of a sponsor. Themethods throughwhichasponsordoes thiswillbevaried.Manydo itwith theBigBookasaguideandotherswith the"12and12".Somemayuseworkbooksorotherliterature,ornoneatall.Thetimeframewithwhichthisisallcarriedoutvariesaswell.Alotofsponsorswillsponsorotherpeoplebasedonhowtheywere"sponsored",andsoon.Therearenohardandfastrulestothis.

Asponsorwillgenerally,firstandforemost,setouttogettoknowtheirnewsponsee(that'syou)alittlebitmore.Theymaydothisbyaskingyoutocallthemeverydayormeetthematameeting.Askingyoutodothesethingsisalsoagaugeofyourwillingnesstoworkaprogram.Anotherrolethatthesponsorplaysishelpyougetacquaintedwiththefellowshipandit'smeetings.Thisissomeonewhowillanswerquestions,showyoutheropesandactasageneralguideinlearningtoliveanewwayoflife.

Whileasponsor'sprimaryroleistoguideyouthroughworkingtheSteps,theyaresomuchmoreandmostcertainlydon'tgoawayoncethatprocessiscomplete.Theywilloftenactasanemotionalsoundingboardandpointoutthingsaboutyourselfthatyoumaynotwanttohearorthatmaybepainful.Theseareallthingsthatarenecessaryforgrowth.Theywillalsosharetheirownexperienceswithyouabouttheirdisease,theirrecoveryandtheirgrowth.

Many times, sponsorship leads to strong, life-time bonds never experienced before. Through the process of onealcoholichelpinganother,bothareabletogrow,learnandchange.Therearesomanybenefitsofgettingasponsor,nottheleastofwhichisalwayshavingapersonwithwhomyoucanshareyourthoughtsandfeelingsaboutanythingyouwish. Some of the finest friendships have developed from this idea of sponsorship and most alcoholics, who arerecovering,findasponsoranimportantpartoftheprocess.

...whatcomestousalonemaybegarbledbyourownrationalizationandwishfulthinking.Thebenefitoftalkingtoanotherpersonisthatwecangethisdirectcommentandcounselonoursituation....TWELVESTEPSANDTWELVETRADITIONS,p.60

ChoosingaSponsorThat'sRightforYou

"Whenthestudentisready,theteacherwillappear."

Many people in AA joke that choosing their first sponsor was like asking someone to be their Valentine. It'suncomfortable,awkwardandmanytimes,you'reterrifiedofwhatwillhappenif theysay"yes".Beforeweget totheactualaskingpart,therearesomethingsthatyouwanttoconsiderinlookingforasponsor.Hereareafew:

Ayearormoreofsobriety

Thesamegenderasyou(thereareexceptionstothisrule)

EmphasizestheStepsandTraditionsoftheProgram

Haswhatwewantintermsofrecoveryandserenity

Thesearejustsomebasicguidelinestouseinyoursearch.Icouldlistaslewofthemthatwouldjustservetobogyoudownandensurethatyouneverfindanyonetofitthebill.Remember,theseareother"humanbeings",notsaints.WhatwearelookingforissomeonewhoissuccessfullyworkingtheprogramofAAandiswillingtohelpyoudothesame.Ifyou get stuck here, don't be afraid to ask groupmembers for help and suggestions. I've heard valid arguments thatperhapsI'mnotgoingtobethebestjudgeofwhoisrightformewhenIfirstwalkthroughthedoorsofAA.WhilenotknowingthatIwasdoingitatthetime,Ididhavehelpfindingmyfirstsponsorandevenaskingher.Iwasthatunsure,afraidandintimidated.Iwasalsowillingandgotitdone,though.

Beforewewrap thisup, let'sbeclearaboutwhatasponsor isNOT.Asponsor isnotabank,a landlord,abossorarelative.Theydon'tlendmoney,providehousing,giveyouajob,orhaveanybloodrelationtoyouwhatsoever.Thesethingsmuddythewatersandtakeawayfromthetruepurposeoftherelationship.Asponsorisalsonotatherapistandshouldneverdoanythingtoexploittheirsponseeinanyway,shapeorform.Yes,adviceonrecoveryandlivingsobermaybedispensedbutthisisdonethroughthecontextofthesponsor'sownexperiencesinrecovery,notasanexpertinpsychiatryorasapsychologist.Also, it isnotthesponsee'sroletowashcars,weedgardensoractasachauffeurforanyoneinthenameofsobriety.Asponsorhasasacredandabidingtrusttowardstheirsponsees.Morallyandethicallyasponsormaynottakeadvantageofthisrelationshipbondinanyway,atanytime.

Thatbeingsaid,sponsorshipisavitalpartoftheprogramofAlcoholicsAnonymousanditisstronglysuggestedthatyoujumpinandstartyourjourneywithaguide.AsfarasjustHowtoaskanothermembertoSponsoryou,simplystartgoingtolotsofmeetings(90in90isgood)andwatchthemembersthataresharing.Focusonthosethatseemtobehappy,contentandhavesomethingthatyouwant.Chancesare,theywillmakeagoodsponsor.Approachthatpersoneitherbeforeorafterameeting,introduceyourselfandaskthemiftheywouldbewillingtobeyoursponsor.Iftheysayno,it'snotareflectiononyouatall.Theremaybeahundredreasonsforthis.Don'tdwellonit-justlookforsomeoneelsewho'srecoveryinspiresyou.

...wewillbevictoriousifwehavenotforgottenhowtolearn.-RosaLuxemburg

TheGodFactor

“Firstofall,wehadtoquitplayingGod.Itdidn'twork.”?AlcoholicsAnonymous

IfGodisyourco-pilot,SWITCHSEATS!!!

ItissometimesdeclaredthatAlcoholicsAnonymousisareligiousmovement.Thebasisfortheseclaimsusuallystemsfromthefocusonahigherpowerinthe12Steps.Inreality,itisnot"religious"innatureatall,ratheritisspiritualasmembersareable toformtheirownconceptionofahigherpoweras theyseefit.Thecruxof therecoveryprogram,onceagain,istheessenceoflearningtorelyonahigherpowerandcomingtorealizethat"I'mnotit".

AA did get its initial influence from a Christian evangelical group, known as the Oxford Group. The spiritualphilosophyoftheOxfordGroupinvolved:

BeliefinGod

Regularandrigorousself-examinationinordertomonitorcharacterflaws

Makingamendsforanywrongdoing

Admittingone’sfaultstoatleastoneotherperson

ThesesameprincipleswereincorporatedintoAAs12Stepsofrecovery,exceptthatAAadoptstheconceptofanall-inclusive"HigherPower"asopposedtomandatingthateveryonebelieveinGod.Thisensuresthateveryonecanmakeabeginninghere.Hereisabitmoreabouthowthatworks.

Weneededtoaskourselvesbutoneshortquestion."DoInowbelieve,oramIevenwillingtobelieve, that there isaPowergreater thanmyself?"Assoonasamancansay thathedoesbelieve, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.ALCOHOLICSANONYMOUS,p.47

TheHigherPowerConcept-ButI'mJewish,anAtheist,anAgnostic,Buddhist,aWiccan...

Everynowandagaintakeagoodlookatsomethingnotmadewithhands-amountain,astar,theturnofastream.Therewillcometoyouwisdomandpatienceandsolaceand,aboveall,

theassurancethatyouarenotaloneintheworld.-SidneyLovett

Thethingthatisneededtobeginrecoveryissomesortofbeliefinahigherpower,somethingoutsideofmyselfthatisincharge.IknowthatItriedeverythingundermyownpowerforagoodlongtimetoeitherstoporcontrolmydrinkingandusing.Ijustcouldn'tdoit.ThereisnorequirementinAAthatonebelievesinGodorinanyspecificconceptionofaHigherPower.Yes,therearementionsof"God"intheliteratureandevensomeChristian-basedprayersthataresaidinthemeetings.Thesearen'tdesignedtotrickyouintoconvertingtoanything.AlotofthisisbornfromTraditionandtherootsoftheprogram(goodlucktryingtochangeanyofthat).

Regardless, ifyouareJewish,Catholic,Baptist,Atheist,oranythingunder thesun, there isnobeliefor"non-belief"systemthatAAhasnotbeenabletoaccommodateovertheyears.Atheistscanusethepowerofthegroup(GroupOfDrunks)astheirhigherpower,othersuseGoodOrderlyDirection,andstillothersusetheimpersonalforceofnature.Theonlyguidingprincipleisthatthe"higherpower"mustbeapowergreaterthanyourself,whichallofthesewouldcertainlybe.

While theGroupofDrunksdoesworkformany,AAdoesask thatmembersbewilling tokeep thedooropen to thepossibilityofahigherpowerthatisspiritualinnature.ThisalsodoesnotdictatethatmembersconformtheirbeliefstoanyparticularGodorreligion.Infact,I’vereadafewthingsattributedtoBillWthatsaidsomethingalongthelinesofhow glad hewaswhen religious leaders from varied traditions found the Twelve Steps to be compatiblewith theirreligion.Theconceptsareancient,andtheyexistedbeforeChrist.Itisalsoquitecommonforthis"belief"todevelopandevolveovertime,particularlyasaresultandbyproductofworkingthe12Steps.

Yes,beliefinaHigherPowercanmakelifeeasier.Iknowthatitgoesagainstourverynatureasalcoholicstowanttogiveupanysortofcontrol.Hereisalistofbenefitstoconsiderindoingso:

Peoplewhoareattemptingtoescapealifeofaddictioncanfeeloverwhelmedbythattaskandmayhavefoundthattheydon'thavetheabilitytodefeattheirproblemalone.IntheAAprogramtheycanrelyonapowergreaterthanthemselvestogivethemthestrengththeyneed.

Whenpeoplebelieveinahigherpowertheywillusuallyfinditeasiertoforgiveotherpeoplewhohavewrongedthem.(i.e.-lettinggoofresentments)

Theindividualwillneedtofacemanychallengesinrecovery.Itcanbeagreatsourceofcomforttobelieveinahigherpowerthatisprovidingthemwithhelp.

InAA,theyencouragememberstolearnhowtoletgo.Thismeansadoptingacompletelynewapproachtolife.When people develop the ability to let go with the help of a higher power it brings them peace of mind andcontentment.

Beliefinahigherpowercangivepeopleasenseofpurposeintheirlife.Thisnewapproachtolifecanstrengthentheirrecoveryandreducetheriskofrelapse.Thosewhofollowaspiritualpathclaimthatitbringsagreatdealofhappinesstotheirlife.

Allspiritualpathsencouragetheindividualtodevelopashumans.Thiswillusuallymeanthattheybecomemorelovingandmentallyhealthy.Addictstendtobeself-absorbed,butbeliefinahigherpowercanhelptocombatthistendency.

Again,thiswasn'tanoverwhelmingissueformewhenI"joined"AAandcommittedtogettingsober.Iknewthatmybeing"incharge"provideddisastrousresultsanditwasactuallyarelieftogiveupcontrol,finally,inboththeareaofmyaddictionsandinothermattersinmylife.Thisisanevolutionaryprocessformostandmybeliefsystemhasgrown,evolvedandenrichedsomuchovertheyears.Allittookinthebeginning,however,wasanounceofwillingnessandIcertainlyhadthat.

Myfriendsuggestedwhatthenseemedanovelidea....

"Whydon'tyouchooseyourownconceptionofGod?"Thatstatementhitmehard.ItmeltedtheicyintellectualmountaininwhoseshadowIhadlivedandshiveredmanyyearsIstoodinthesunlightat last. Itwasonlyamatterofbeingwillingtobelieve inaPowergreaterthanmyself. Nothing more was required of me to make my beginning. ALCOHOLICSANONYMOUS,p.12

FamiliesandRelationships

"Theprimaryfactthatwefailtorecognizeisourtotalinabilitytoformatruepartnershipwithanotherhumanbeing."-TwelveStepsandTwelveTraditions,p.53

NoonecomesintoAAorrecoveryonahighnoteintheirlivesandalotoftimesthatmeansthatthereissomesortoffamily turmoil going on in the background, or in the forefront of their everyday living. There are a few things that Iknow for sure. One is that most people do not understand the disease of alcoholism at all. Heck, I have it and didn'tunderstand anything about it for years. That being said, it's a lot to ask other people to just completely change theiropinionsofyousimplybecauseyou'vemanagedtostayawayfromadrinkforafewdays,weeksormonths.Everythingtakestime(you'llhearthisalotinAA).AnotherthingIknowisthateverythingchanges.I'velearnedboththroughmypersonal experiences and through observing the experiences of others that things simply work out the way they aresupposedtoifthealcoholicstayssoberandkeepsdoingtherightthing.Sometimesthat'seasiersaidthandone,Iknow.

"TIME=ThingsIMustEarn"

MySpouseLeftMe,Won'tSpeaktoMe,Won'tLeaveMeAlone...

ItisthegreatobsessionofeveryAl-Anon,thatsomedayheorshewilllearntocontrolandenjoytheirdrinker.

There'sachapter in theBigBook that isquitedatedandabitcontroversial,called"ToWives".BillW(oneofAAsfounders)wrotethischaptertothestrongobjectionofmany,includinghiswifeLois,whoactuallywouldhavepreferredbeing asked towrite the section. TheChapter unfortunately turned out to be a blueprint for how awife should actaroundhernewlyrecoveringalcoholichusband,orratherhowherhusbandwouldwanthertoact.Perhapsyoucanseewhytheseideasand,possiblysomeoftheverbiage,wouldbeabitdated.ThereisplentyofwisdominAAandmosttreatmentcenters,howevertohelpyoudealwiththeseissuesprudently.

Beinginarelationshipwhiletryingtogetsoberisnevereasy,evenifyoursignificantotherisyour#1cheerleaderandbiggestsupporter.Thereasonforthisisthatrecoverytakesatremendousamountofcommitment,dedicationandbringsforthagreatdealofchange -both for thealcoholicandeveryonewhocomes intocontactwith them.Unfortunately,whenwebegintogetseriousaboutourrecovery,wecanstartappearingdistantfromourfamilies,especiallyourspouse.Whathappensinarecoveryprogram,inAAGroupsandwithasponsorcanbedifficulttoexplainandthesechangesthatareoccurringcan'talwaysbelaidoutforsomeoneelseinblackandwhite.Thatcanbeveryfrustratingforfamilymembersthatwanttosupportusandstayinvolvedandalsoforthealcoholicwhowantstofighttomaintainthosestrongbonds.

What ismost important to remember is this.Recoverymustcome first. Ifyoudon't stay sober, at somepoint, thesefamilymembers,spouses,children,significantothersandbondsthatyouaretryingtomaintainaregoingtodisappearanyway.ThisissomethingthatIstruggledwithforyears.Iwastoldoverandoveragainthat"anythingyouputbeforeyourrecovery,you'regoingtolose."Isimplydidn'tbelieveit,untilonethingafteranothercontinuedtoslipawayand,finally,Ilostmy3yearoldchild.Thatwasthebreakingpointforme.IhadgottentoaplacewhereIknewthatIhadtorecoverfirstandthenthoserelationshipswouldbethereiftheyweremeanttobe-andtheydefinitelywere.

Ifyoudohave familymembers, a spouse, childrenor significantotherwhoverymuchwant tobe involved inyourrecovery, that's fantastic.What youmaywant to do is refer them to one of the family groups, such asAl-Anon orAlateen,sothattheyarealsoabletohavearecoveryprogramandpeopletotalkto.Whentheysaythatalcoholismisa"familydisease",theyarenotonlyreferringtothegeneticnatureofpassingthisonthroughgenerations.Whenthereisanactivealcoholicinthefamily,insomeway,shapeorform,everyonesuffers.Peopleblame,takeonmorethantheirshare,becomeangry,depressedandsoon.Wealldeservetorecoverandthefamilygroupsunderstandandcanhelpwiththis.

"Yearsoflivingwithanalcoholicisalmostsuretomakeanywifeorchildneurotic.Theentirefamilyis,tosomeextent,ill."ALCOHOLICSANONYMOUS,p.122

NoOneTrustsMe

"Whenyourprospecthasmadesuchreparationashecantohisfamily,andhasthoroughlyexplainedtothemthenewprinciplesbywhichheisliving,heshouldproceedtoputthose

principlesintoactionathome."AA,2001,p.98

Well,whyshouldtheyreally?Oneofthesaddestelementsofaddictionisthatthoseclosesttothealcoholicoraddictaretheonesthatgethurtthemost,overandoveragain.Lovedonestrytocontroltheimpossible,theytrytostopcaring,orfinallytheyjustdetachwithloveiftheyareable.Weleaveinourwakeamountainoflies,brokenpromises,financialruinandshame.Re-gaininganysortoftrustisnoteasyandcertainlywillnothappenovernight.Hereiswhatyouneedtogetstartedwithrebuildinganysortoftrust:

Stopusingdrugsandalcohol

Changeyourlifestyle

Change"who"youarebybecomingpainstakinglyhonestandbackingupyourwordswithaction.

Time.Howmuchtime?Aslongasittakes.

Trust takes a lot longer to rebuild than it does to destroy. Family members who are trying to rebuild trust with arecoveringaddictarenotstartingoutonanevenplayingfield,asyouwouldwithsomeoneyoujustmet.Theyaretryingto climboutof adeepwellofhurt, disappointment, and fear.Familymembers alsoneed to commit tobeinghonestabouttheirfeelingsandexpectations.

One thing to remember is thatTrust is not the same thing as love and forgiveness.Our lovedones can loveus andforgiveusbutstillnottrustusagainyet.Loveandforgivenessarechoices.Trustisalsoachoicebuttakeshonestyandtime.The key is for the recovering alcoholic to begin to build on small victories, becomemore predictable in theiractions, have their actionsmatch theirwords, and continue to be completely honest under all circumstances. Theseelements,acommitmenttocommunicationandtimearekeystorebuildingtrustwhenoneorbothofyouarerecovering.

It tookmemanyyears torebuildtrustwithfamilymembers.Istillhadlovingrelationshipswiththemandstillspenttimewith them.However, I had done a lot of damage and had been so dishonestwith them for so long that itwasunderstandableforthemnottogivemebackthattrustrightaway.Ihadtocontinuetodotrustworthythingsandbackupmywordswithappropriateandpositiveactions.Thefactthatthetrusttookalongtimetocomeback,makesitallthemorecherishedandsomethingthatIwouldneverwanttobreakagain.

TheJob,Work,Career

Ifdrinkingisinterferingwithyourwork,you'reprobablyaheavydrinker.Ifworkisinterferingwithyourdrinking,you'reprobablyanalcoholic.

Manypeople,myselfincluded,whoenterrehaborseektogetsoberareworriedaboutthestateoftheirjobsorcareers.Inalotofcases,thesewereinjeopardywellbeforemakingthechoicetogetsomehelp.Countlessmisseddaysfromwork,poorworkproductorperformance,andcrummyattitudesarejustafewofthe"clues"thatwetendtogiveoffthatsomethingisamiss.IgenerallyquitjobsjustbeforeIwasabouttobefiredsothatIcouldcontinuetoclaimthatIhad"neverbeenfired".ThefewtimesthatIdidaskforhelp,Iwasn'tentirelyhonestaboutwhereIwasgoingorforwhatpurposeandtheresultsweredismal.Whilemanyofusthoughtthatwemanagedandhideourlittleproblemquitewell,don'tbeshockedifyouremployerhasbeeninon thesecret forquitesometimeandhasevenbeenatoddswith justwhattodoaboutyou.

Despite all of this, there are still fears and they are understandable. It is estimated that more than 25 percent ofindividuals struggling with addictions believe that they would experience negative job consequences if they soughttreatment. People may fear losing a professional license, failing to get a promotion, losing authority or respect ofsubordinates,oralsooflosingtherespectofsupervisorsandco-workers.Inthiscurrenteconomy,it'sunderstandabletofearlosingone'sjobandbeingunabletofindanotherone.However,timeshavechangedalotinrecentyearsasmoreinformationbecomesavailableaboutthisdiseaseandaboutrecovery.

Employers are beginning to recognize the high cost of substance abuse in the workplace. The Bureau of NationalAffairshas reported thatchemicaldependencyalonecostsAmericanbusinessesapproximately$200billionannually.Manyemployersarenowprovidingaddiction treatment throughhealth insurance,asacompanybenefit,and throughEAPs.Someareevenpayingemployeesandprovidingotherincentivestogettreatment.Wheninterviewingindividualswhoareinrecovery,manywhowereemployedatthetimeoftreatmenttoldtheiremployerwhytheyneededtimeoff.Of those that told their employer they were going to attend drug rehab, a great many kept their job. There areexceptions,particularlyifyouhaveajobthatinvolveshandlingcontrolledsubstances(suchasnursesordoctors),orareresponsibleforpublicsafety(suchasairlinepilots).Intheenditallcomesdownto,onceagain,thefactthatrecoveryhastocomefirst.Thereisstillplentyofhope,however,forgettingthehelpyouneedandkeepingyourcareerintactifitismeanttobe.

We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more importantdemonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations andaffairs.ALCOHOLICSANONYMOUS,p.19

MakingCareerChanges-orNot

AAandrecoveryarefullofparadoxes.You'llgettoldnottomakeanymajorchangesforthefirstyearandthen,inthesamebreath,someonewillsay"theonlythingthatyouneedtochangeis-everything!".Well, they'rebothright inasense.Thefirststatementappliestoyourjumpingintonewrelationships,makingamajorgeographicmoveifyoudon'thavetoandothermajorlifechangesthatmayalsoincludejobandcareer.Thesecondstatementreferstothechangesinourattitudesandbeliefsystemsthatoccurwhenweworkarecoveryprogram.Thisreferstoacompletechangeinouroutlookandhowweseethings.Whenitcomestomakingthechoicegethelp,entertreatment,gotodetoxorjuststartgoingtoAA,jobandcareercancertainlybeaffected.Careerprovidesstructuretomanyandlossofthat,inthewakeoftryingtogetsober,canbetough.

Statistics,andexperience,showthatalcoholicsareabove-averageearnersandquitehighfunctioninginsociety,evenintheiraddictions.In2008,amongthenearly73millionbingeandheavyalcoholusers,nearly80percenthadeitherfull-time or part-time jobs, according to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, known asSAMHSA. And among the 17.8million illicit drug users, 73 percent were employed.While the ego wishes to patourselvesonthebackforthis,thatisn'twhyImentionit.Thefactis,withemploymentnumberslikethis,thereisSOMUCHhelpavailablethatit'sashamenottotakeadvantageofit.

Remember that addiction is a disease, much like high blood pressure or diabetes. If you need hospitalization fordiabetes,most employerswould understand. Ideally, the same should hold true for addiction.Youmay alsowant toconsiderwhether your time off for treatmentwould be covered under the Family andMedical LeaveAct (FMLA).AccordingtotheUnitesStatesDepartmentofLabor,FMLA“entitleseligibleemployeesofcoveredemployerstotakeunpaid, job-protected leave for specified family and medical reasons with continuation of group health insurancecoverageunder thesametermsandconditionsas if theemployeehadnot taken leave.”Notall jobsareprotectedbyFMLAregulations,butmanyare,particularlyinlargercompaniesandifyouhaveworkedforyouremployerforsometime. Information regardingFMLAcan be found on the internet or by contacting your employer’s human resourcesdepartment. Ifyoudonotbelieveyouremployerwillbereceptive toyourneedfordrugrehabor ifFMLAisnotanoption, you can request time off for personal reasons. Also check out your companies EAP (Employee AssistanceProgram)foroptions.

Ifyoudohavetoleaveyourjobtogethelp,youmayjustbeheadingofftheinevitableanyway.LikeIsaid,Ileftseveraljobs,includingmylastone,justbeforetheaxefell-evenoncewritingaletterofresignationfromajailcellbecauseIknewIwouldn'tbemakingittoworkthenextday.Ifajobis"lost"inthequestforrecovery,sobeit.Theopportunitytofocusonyoursobrietyandtofindanewjobmaybeablessingindisguise.

Whatisa"RecoveryJob"?

Neverturndownajobbecauseyouthinkit'stoosmall;youdon'tknowwhereitcanlead.-JuliaMorgan

When Iwasgetting ready to leave treatment this last time, I felt renewed, full of life andvery fragile. I had finally"gottenit"afterseveralyearsofresistanceanddidnotwanttodoanythingtoscrewitup.IwastoldthatIneededtoputmy recovery first and that seemed easy enough because the rest of my life was a decent sizedmess. I was faced,however,withtheprospectofleavingtreatment,findingaplacetoliveandseekingemployment.ThisrequiredabitofsoulsearchingandalotofdiscussionbecauseIwasusedtoworkinginsomehigher-paying,stressfulenvironmentsanddidnotfeellikeIwasequippedjustyettoreturntooneofthesedensofiniquity.ItwassuggestedthatIgeta"recoveryjob".

A"RecoveryJob"isasimplerjobthansomethingthatyouareperhapsusedto.Itisajobthatislowstressandprobablymuchlowerpaying.Hoursworkedwillvarybutthereisnothingwrongwithan8hourworkdaythatkeepsyoubusy;it'sthestresslevelandresponsibilityfactorthatweareconcernedabouthere.Thelogichereisthatthereisenoughforyoutoworryaboutearlyinsobrietywithoutaddingadditionalworkandcareerstressestothemixifyoudon'thaveto.Infact,thesimpleryoucanmakeyourlifeinallotherareas,thebetter.

Inmycase,Iwentfromhighfinancetofileclerk.OnethingIhadtodowas"dumbdown"myresumealittlebitsothatIwasnotseenasbeing"overqualified"foreverything.IhadtotaketheMaster'sDegreeandseveralrecentjobsoffofmyresume.Istartedjustafewdaysoutofrehabwithatemporaryagencyasafileclerk.IcantellyouthatthepositionwasprettylowstressformeandIwasprettydarngoodatit.Sogood,infact,thatIwashiredasafull-timepermanentemployeeofthatcompany.Thisledtootherinternalpromotionsoverthecourseofseveralyearsand,aftersometimeIwasworkingforthePresidentandcamecleanaboutmybackgroundandmyrecovery.IcontinuedtodowellthereuntilthecompanywentoutofbusinessandIstartedmyownbusinessat6yearssober.

Thingshappenedformejustastheyweresupposedto.Therearemanymorestorieslikethisbutsometimesitcanbedifficulttoknowjustwheretostartwhenbeginninginrecoverywithnojob.Onceinrecovery,rejoiningthemainstreamoflifecanbechallenging.Belowareafeworganizationsthathelppeopleinrecoveryre-entertheworkplace.

AmericainRecovery(americainrecovery.org)

AmericainRecoveryisanon-profitefforttopromotethehiringofpeopleinrecoveryfromalcoholanddrugabuseaswellaspeoplewithfelonyconvictions.Thisno-chargehiringwebsitelinksjobseekersandemployersdirectlywitheachother.

CommunityVoiceMail(CVM)(cvm.org)

Providesfree,personalized24-hourvoicemailaccessnationwideinordertoempowerpeopleincrisisandtransitionbyprovidingadirectlinktojobs,housingandstability.CVMcentersarelistedbystateontheirwebsite.

NationalH.I.R.E.Network(hirenetwork.org/workforce-professionals)

TheNationalH.I.R.E.Network(HelpingIndividualswithcriminalrecordsRe-EnterthroughEmployment)servesasaninformationclearinghouseandprovidesleadershiponpublicpolicytopromotetheemploymentofpeoplewithcriminal records. Under Resources and Assistance, there are listings by state of government agencies andcommunity-basedorganizationsthatassistpeoplewithcriminalrecords.Theseagenciesandorganizationscanbeofassistanceinprovidingjob-relatedandlegalservices,answeringquestionsarisingfromhavingacriminalrecord,orofferingreferralstootherusefulorganizations.

Sponsee:"WhenwillIgetagoodjob?"

Sponsor:"Whenyouareready."

Sponsee:"HowwillIknowIamready?"

Sponsor:"You'llhaveagoodjob."

GotConsequences?

"Itallworksoutintheend...ifithasn'tworkedoutyet,it'snottheend."

Howmany timeshavewe said,orheardanother alcoholicor addict say, "I'mnothurtinganybody. I'monlyhurtingmyself."? Nothing could be further from the truth. For over 30 years now, the U.S. has been fighting it's "War onDrugs", yet we have seen an increase in crime, increase in healthcare costs and an alarming increase in the use ofdangeroussubstances.Thefactisthattheeffectsofaddictionarefarreachingandcanbeseeninthehome,onthejob,inchurchesandinschools.Icanguaranteeyouthannotonesinglepersoncomesintoarecoveryprogramwithoutsomesortofconsequencesfromtheirdisease.Theyareaprerequisitetosobriety.WhetheryouhaveaDUI,strainedmarriage,jobloss,bankruptcy,lossofliverfunctionorjustanoverwhelmingfeelingoffearanduselessness,itcounts.

Everyoneenteringrecoveryhasconsequencesstemmingfromtheirdisease.It'soneofthetiesthatbindsustogethersostrongly.Abenefitofmeetingsandsharingwithothersisthatyouwillalwaysfindsomeonewhohasbeenthroughthesamecircumstances thatyouarecurrently in, thatcanshare theirsoberexperienceswithyouandgiveyouhope thateverythingwillbeokandworkoutasitshould.Inrecovery,weunderstandourtriggers,theritualsandthepatternsthataccompanyourvariousself-destructivebehaviors;wecanbeawitnesstoallofit.Butitisnotuntilweplaceavalueontheconsequencesofourbehavior-avaluethatisgreaterthanthemotivationforthatbehavior--thatwearemotivatedtomakeachange.Untilthen,we'lljustcontinuetobuildupabigsteamingpileofconsequencesthatwillgetinfinitelyworseastime,andourdisease,progresses.

"When thedoor of happiness closes, another opens, but often timeswe look so longat thecloseddoor,thatwedon'tseetheonewhichhasbeenopenedforus."

Health,Family,Legal,Financial

Howeverconfusedthesceneofourlifeappears,howevertornwemaybewhonowdofacethatscene,itcanbefaced,andwecangoontobewhole.-MurielRukeyser

Theimpactofaddictioncanbefar-reaching.Manyofushadnoideahowmanyareasofourliveswerebeingaffectedbyoutalcoholanddruguse,orsimplyhadnodesiretotakeagoodhardlookatit.Infact,consequenceswerebeingrackedupingoodmeasureinourhealth,familyrelationships,ourdealingswithsocietyandourfinancialaffairs.Notsosureaboutthis?Considertheseideas:

Health-Ifleftunchecked,thesubstanceisalwaysgoingtowin.Drugabuseisadiseaseofthebrain,anddrugschangebrainchemistry,whichresultsinachangeinbehavior.Asidefromtheobviousbehavioralconsequencesofaddiction, the negative effects on a person’s health are potentially devastating.While addicts use drugs to “feelbetter,” the unintended consequences include but are not limited to overdose,HIV/AIDS, stroke, cardiovasculardiseaseandahostofrelatedmaladies.

Family-Oneofthesaddestaspectsoftheinsidiousnatureofdrugaddictionisthatbythetimeanaddictrealizestheyhaveaproblem, thatproblemhasalready takenaheavy tollon the family.Parents in treatmentcenters tellcounselorsandtherapiststhattheywantto“gettheirkidsback,”asdrugaddictionhastakenovertothepointwherethecourtshavebeenforcedtoremovethechildrenfromthehome.Husbandsandwives,brothersandsisters,andsadlychildrenareallimpacted.Familiescanbesourcesofstrengthandsupport,ortheycanpassivelyenabletheaddictiontoadvance.Familiescanshareinthevictoryoverdrugaddiction,ortheycanbethevictimsofit.

Legal-Thenewsmedia reportsdailystruggleswith theft,drive-byshootings,drugbusts, illegal traffickingandmanufacturingofdrugs,andarrestsforcrimesrangingfromchildneglecttomurder.Lookcloserandchancesaregreatthatyouwilluncoveradrugaddictioncomponenttoanyofthesestories.Thisisjustthe"bigpicture".Our"personal picture" usually isn't very pretty either. It often includes such things as multiple DUIs, probationviolations, drug arrests, family court battles, civil suits and soon.The stress of thepotential losses here canbeoverwhelming.

Financial-Beyondthepersonalhealthissues,beyondthedevastatingeffectonfamilies,beyondcommunitycrimestatistics, drug addiction has amajor impact on theAmerican economy. TheNational Institute onDrugAbuse(NIDA) reported that some$67billionperyear is the impact that drug addictionhason this country.This totalincludesthecostoflawenforcement,incarceration,treatments,trafficinjuries,losttimeintheworkplace,etc.Drugaddictioncauses impaired reasoning, and therefore the crime rate isdramatically impactedbydruguse.Addictshaveamuchhigherlikelihoodofcommittingcrimesthanothers.Again,thisis"bigpicture"stuff.Manyofus,onthepersonal levelarelookingalosinghomes,cars, jobsandpayinglegalfeesthatwecan'tafford.Again,majorstressors.

It takes a lot of courage to face the consequences our actions have caused and, inmany cases, to be able to evenrecognizetheminthefirstplace.IfyougototreatmentorAA,youwillbeinanenvironmentwhereyouwillgetthesupport that youneed to face these consequencesheadon andhear the experiencesofotherswhohave successfullytraveledthisroadbeforeyou.Thatwasahugebenefitforme.WhenIgotsober,Ihadashit-pileofconsequences.Iwasbroke,hadnoplacetolive,nojob,wasinsomeseriouslegaltrouble,andwaslosingcustodyofmychild.IhadalotonmyplateandgotallthehelpIneededtodealwithit.Thingsworkedoutjustfineformeinallareas,becauseIstayedsoberandkeptputtingmyrecoveryfirst.

Thereisnosuchthingasaproblemwithoutagiftforyouinitshands.-RichardBach

OldFriendsandStompingGrounds

"Ididn'twanttogotoA.A.IhadlostalotoffriendstoA.A.!"

"Sometimesthehardestdecisioninlifeiswhichbridgetocrossandwhichonetoburn"

The thoughtofhaving to stayaway fromolddrinkingbuddiesandpotential situations thatmayactas triggers forarelapseisenoughtocreateboatloadsofstressanddefianceinmanyalcoholic'sminds.Iwasn'ttooworriedabouteitherbecause Ididn'thavemanyfriends leftandwasn't "goingout"anymoreat theend. Iwas,however,concernedaboutneverbeingabletoenjoythebarsceneagainandprojectingforwardtoholidayswhereIwouldn'tbeabletojusthaveabeer or a glass of wine to celebrate. Note: I never just had A beer or A glass of wine with anything, ever. Oneunexpectedbenefitofrecoveryisthatyouprettyquicklylearnwhoyourrealfriendsare,andaren't.IhadseveralpeoplemakethedrivetovisitmeinrehabthatIwouldhaveneverexpectedtoreachout.ThereareothersthatIneverheardfromagain.

Whenwegetsober,manyoftheseformer"drinkingbuddies"are,unfortunately, toxictoourrecovery.Theymaynotunderstandthediseaseofaddictionanddon'tknowhowtostopenabling.If theyalsohaveaproblemwithsubstanceabuse,chancesarethatisgoingtotakepriorityoveranyfriendshipwithyouandtheycertainlydon'twantyourrecoveryactingasamirrorthat'sshowingthemtherealityoftheirlives.Somemayhavetriedtoquitunsuccessfullyandwillbedisheartenedtoseesomeoneelserecovering.Eveniftheydon'thaveaproblem,theymaywishtoenjoyalcoholsociallywithoutworryingabouttheirinfluenceonyourrecovery.

How do you know if a relationship is toxic to your recovery? Pseudo-friends and even some family members maydiscourageyoufromgettinghelp.They’lltellyouthatyoudon’treallyhaveadrugproblem,recoveryisawasteoftimeorrelapseisinevitable.Theymaytrybullyingyoutopartywiththem,orusedrugsinfrontofyou.Othersmayemploymore subtle tactics, such as using your past behavior as leverage against you, holding onto resentments, making itdifficult foryou toget tomeetingsor therapyappointments,orbelittlingyourefforts togetwell.Evennon-drinkingbuddiescanbeenablers.Whenfamilymembersrefusetoworkontheirownissues,theymaystaystuckinoldpatternsofminimizing,rescuingandenablingwithoutrealizingthattheyaresabotagingthepersontheymostwanttohelp.

Addictswithtoxicrelationshipsmustbeproactiveintakingstepstosafeguardtheirrecovery.Thereisageneralruleinrecoverytostayawayfromthepeople,placesandthingsassociatedwithpastdruguse.Maintainingrelationshipswithpeople who drink or use is strongly associated with relapse. Early in recovery, it can be difficult to separate thesupportiverelationshipsfromthemaliciousmotivesofwould-besaboteurs,whichiswhyitisalwaysimportanttotalkthough your concerns with a sponsor. Cutting ties with old friends who continue to use and people who are notsupportive of your sobriety is one of the hardest parts of early recovery. These difficult decisions need to be madeswiftly. Parting with your social circle can be devastating but it is an important part of creating a new life and,ultimately,bringsagreatsenseofreliefwhenyoufindthatyouaresurroundedbypeoplewhotrulycare.

This isn't all doomandgloom.Not all relationships have to end.You can re-connectwith the people that youhaveprobably alienated during active addictionwhowere "quality friends". Familymembers, and sometimes friends, arewilling to joinyou inyour recoveryprocessby learningmoreabout thediseaseof addictionandattendingAl-Anonmeetings.Earlyrecoveryisalsoatimeformakingnewfriendsandbuildingahealthysupportnetwork.Positivefriends,whichcanincludedpeopleyoumeetatwork,inschool,inAA,doingsoberactivitieswillnotonlyhelpyoutoavoiddrinkingbutwillbuildthatenthusiasmforamorebalancedlife.

"Wehavegoodnewsandbadnewshere.Thegoodnewsisyouneverhavetodrinkagainevenifyouwantto.Thebadnewsisthatwe'reyournewfriends."

EverydayStuffinSobriety

"...thegreaterpartofourhappinessormiserydependsonourdispositionsandnotonourcircumstances."-MarthaWashington

Learningtodojustaboutanythingsober,includingeating,sleepingandbreathing,canbeataskinitself.Whatasolidrecoveryprogramwillteachusishowtohandlethesebasicthings,firstandforemost,andthenhowtodealwitheveryaspectoflivinglife-sober.Thisincludesthehighsandthelows,thejoysandthesorrows,throughthegainsandthelosses.Thereissomethingcalled"emotionalsobriety"thatcanbeattainedthroughworkingaprogramthatwillallowyoutofaceanyproblemorcircumstancesanddoitwithoutpickingupadrinkoradrug.Alcoholicsarenotoriousforcelebratingvictoriesasmuchaswearefordrowningoursorrowssothisisaboutbalance.Wehavetolearntocelebratelife, handle defeat and just "be" - sober. Some call this "LivingLife onLife'sTerms". Sounds trite tomany but it'sconciseandrelaystheideaofwhatweareouttoaccomplish.

Theideaof"twenty-four-hourliving"appliesprimarilytotheemotionallifeoftheindividual.Emotionallyspeaking,wemustnotliveinyesterday,norintomorrow.ASBILLSEESIT,p.284

LifeonLife'sTerms

Lifeisnotalwayswhatonewantsittobe,buttomakethebestofitasitis,istheonlywayofbeinghappy.-JennieJeromeChurchill

Theideaofrecoveryisreallytolearntohowtoincorporatepositiveprinciplesandbehaviorsintoone'slifestyle,sothatwhenareallifesituationarises,weareabletohandleitwithouttheuseofadrinkoradrugand,ideally,withsomelevelofdignityandgrace.Welearnandpracticethese"principles"onallofouraffairs,greatandsmall,sothatwhenmajorthings do arise,we are able to summon those sober life experiences to dealwith them.Living "life on life's terms"meansjustthat,dealingwiththeupsanddownsoflifeonadailybasisanddoingitsober.

Most"normal"peopleareable todealwithnormal lifestuffwithoutpickingupadrinkorbeingmessedup. Inevercould.Icouldn'timaginehavingtogotowork,toschool,orouttodinnerwithoutsomethinginmysystem.Iftherewasanysortofalife"curveball",myfirstinstinctwastoturnupthevolumeonwhateveritwasIwasalreadyabusing.Inreality,Iwasfearfuloflifeandjustwantedeverythingtogomyway,allthetime.I'ddrownmysorrowswhenitdidn'tandcelebratewhenitdid.Thisbecameexhausting,formeandeveryoneinmypath.Reallifedoesn'tworkthisway.

Beingsober,Ilearnedearlyon(Day1),thatIamnolongerincharge.Infact,IneverwasbutIjusthadtorealizethis.Ialsolearnedthatmostofthethingsthathappeninlifearebeyondmyscopeofcontrol.Thisdidn'tpissmeoffatall.Itwasagreatrevelation,infact.Ifeltfinallyfreetoletgoandstoptryingtocontroleveryoneandeverythinginmypath.Lifeonlife'stermstookonanewmeaningformeandIwasabletostartseeingthingsthatwerehappeninginlifeforwhattheywere.TheywerejustoccurrencesorsituationsandIcouldchoosetoacceptthemastheywereornot.Ireadthisveryearlyinmysobrietyandevenhaditlaminatedbecause,tome,itwassoprofound:

“Andacceptanceistheanswertoallofmyproblemstoday.WhenIamdisturbeditisbecauseIfindsomeperson,place,thing,orsituation–somefactofmy life–unacceptable tome,andIcan findnoserenityuntil Iaccept thatperson,place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. .. …Unless I accept lifecompletelyonlife’s terms,Icannotbehappy.Ineedtoconcentratenotsomuchonwhatneeds tobechangedin theworldaswhatneedstobechangedinmeandinmyattitudes.”-AlcoholicsAnonymousPg417

Oldadagesringtrue,“Mostfolksreallyareaboutashappyastheymaketheirmindsuptobe.”Perhapsyou’vefacedsomehorribleinjustice.Youhaveeveryrighttobeangryandtoexpressyourneedsandfeelings.Youalsohavetherighttoheal,toadjust(change),toovercome,andtotransform.Simplechoice:staystuckorgrow?

Everythinghasitswonders,evendarknessandsilence,andIlearn,whateverstateImaybein,thereintobecontent.-HelenKeller

H.A.L.T.

"Thegoodnewsisyougetyouremotionsback.Thebadnewsisyougetyouremotionsback."

Animportantpartofgettingsoberislearninghowtotakecareofourselvesandlistento"clues"ourbodiesandmindsgiveusthatthingsmaynotbequiteright.ApopularacronymusedinAAisH.A.L.T.,whichstandsfor"don'tgettooHungry,Angry,Lonely,orTired."Ifyoudo,youshouldobviouslystop(halt)andaddressthesethingsastheyhaveatendencytocreateconfusedormuddledfeelingslikedepressionandanxietythatmayleadtoarelapseifleftuncheckedforaprolongedperiodoftime.Alcoholicsarenotthebestjudgesofwhatemotionstheyarefeelingatanygiventime.Someonewhosimplymayhaveforgottentoeatandhasbeensufferingfrominsomnia,maybecomefearfulandanxiousoversomethingthatotherwisewouldn'tbegivenasecondthought.

Hungry-Don'tgettoohungry.Forareasonwecannotexplain,thereseemstobeinthealcoholicapeculiarpsychophysiologicalrelationshipbetweenhungerandtheurgetodrink.Onsomeoccasions,wewouldeatabigdinnerandthen find that it literally destroyed our desire to drink afterwards. Conversely, and eventually more often, weavoidedeatingbecauseweknewitwouldinterferewithourdrinking.Andso,whenyouarehungry,eat.Simpleandimportant.

Angry-Don'tgettooAngry.Wow!Ofallthingstotellanalcoholic!Butwedon'thavetobeintheprogramverylongtorealizethatanger,righteousornot, isbetter left to thosewhocanhandleit.BorrowingfromFatherJohnDoe:"Lettheotherguygetmad.IfsomebodycallsmeaSOB,eitherIamorIain't.IfIam,SoWhat?IfIain't,whyshouldImakemyselfonebygettingmadaboutit?"Wecan'taffordtogetangry-especiallyatotherpeople.

Lonely-Don'tgettooLonely.Membersofthepsychiatricprofessiontendtoequatelonelinesswithboredom,andweareinclinedtoagree.Ifthereisanyonethingthatmustbeincludedinthealcoholic'slifebeforehecanonceagainbecomewhole,itisworthwhileactivity.Thismaybehelpingothers,hiscareer,oranythingelse.Butwefeelsuch activity must be present in order to fulfill his existence and eliminate loneliness. Under any conditions,Loneliness is the mother of self-pity and the ultimate end is resentment and drinking. The rule of Thumb? Dosomething!

Tired-Don'tgettooTired.Initseffect,thelastingredientordirectioninourruleisnottoodifferentfromthefirst.Physicalfatiguewillaffectbothourbodiesandourmindsadverselyandwilltherebylowerourdefensesagainsttheurge to drink if there is any possibility at all of such a desire being present, consciously or subconsciously. Andtheretheruleofthumbis"Whenyouaretired,putthebodydown!"(Rememberthatslogan:"EasyDoesIt"?)

Whenweconfuseorignorebasicneeds,wemaybecomplicatingwhatisreallyasimpleissue.Remember,theH.A.L.T.needsaresimple,basicneeds.Takealookatthesefirstandseeiftheyneedtobeaddressed.Thisgoesalongthelinesof"KeepisSimple".Thisisagreatportableandpracticaltoolforself-careandrecovery.

Betterkeepyourselfcleanandbright;youare thewindowthroughwhichyoumustsee theworld.-GeorgeBernardShaw

SoberLivingAlternatives

Theultimatelessonallofushavetolearnisunconditionallove,whichincludesnotonlyothersbutourselvesaswell.-ElizabethKubler-Ross

Everydaylifeinearlysobrietycanbetough,evenforthemostdedicatedandwillingofthebunch.Addtothat,havingtodealwiththemountainofproblemsthatmanyofuswalkinwith,andit'snowonderthatsometimesanextralevelofsupportisn'twelcome.SoberLivingAlternatives,suchashalfwayhouses,3/4housesandjust"soberhouses"fitthisbillnicely.Theyactuallycanfillquiteafewneedsandshouldbeconsideredif:

Youareleavingtreatmentandhavenodirectionandnoplacetolive

Youdidnotgototreatmentbutwouldlikeasafe,clean,soberenvironmenttoliveinwhilestartingrecoveryina12Stepprogram

Yourhomeenvironmentisnotconducivetorecovery(i.e.-peopledrink,aren'tsupportive,etc)

So,justwhatisaSoberLivinghome?Well,they'renottreatmentcenters.Youwillpaytolivethere,althoughthecostvariesandsomeareextremelyaffordable.Whattheydoistoprovideacleanandsoberenvironmentfortherecoveringalcoholicwhoseenvironmentcanplayasignificantroleinwhetherornothedrinksorusesagain.Asoberlivinghomeputstheindividualinanatmosphereawayfromoldfriendsandstompinggroundsthatmayactastriggersandplaceshiminanewenvironmentwithanewsupportsystem.Generally,thelengthofstayatasoberlivinghouseisthreetosixmonths,withadmissionanddischargetypicallybeingvoluntarydecisions.

Thereare severaldifferent typesof sober livingenvironments thatyoucan investigate.Most sober livinghomesaresame-sex,eitherall-maleorall-femalebutIdoknowofafewthatareco-ed.TherearealsowhatarecalledHalfwayHousesand3/4Houses.Thedifferencebetween these isgenerally in the strictnessof the rules.HalfwayHousesaregoingtohavestricterrulesandmoreaccountability,althoughbothcertainlyhaveplentyofeach.Theremaybeatightercurfewinahalfwayhouseandmorefrequentdrug testing.Whatallsober livingfacilitieshave incommonare theseelements:

Residentsliveinthehomeandfollowveryclearhouserules

Theygenerallyallpromote12-StepProgramsandrequireattendanceatmeetings

ThereisaHouseManager,andsometimesstaff,thatimplementsthestructureandprovidessupervision

Providesasecure,safestructureintendedforthelong-termrecoveryofresidents

Is a Communal Living environment where you will likely share a room with another resident and share inhouseholddutiessuchascookingandcleaning

Requires Accountability by meeting clear obligations (often spelled out in a Contract), such as house duties,meetingattendance,maintainingemployment,payingbills,andstayingsober.

ZeroTolerancepolicyforbreakingrules.

Soberlivingfacilitieshavegainedimmensepopularitythesedaysfortheyofferamenitiesinacost-effectiveway.The“community living” methods followed here enable the residents to share space with each other. The differentresponsibilities which they are required to carry out help them regain their self-esteem and increase their sense ofaccountability.Allofthisservesindivertingtheirattentiontopositivethingsduringthephasewhenrelapseremainsamatter of serious concern. If you think that one of these facilities could be of benefit in kickstarting your recovery,definitelycheckthemout.

Don'tuseyourpastasanexcusetomissoutonyourfuture.-AlanCohen

LearningtoHaveFunAgain

Peoplerarelysucceedunlesstheyhavefuninwhattheyaredoing.DaleCarnegie

Iseriouslywonderhowmanypeopleactuallyjustjumpstraighttothissectionofthebookandforgetabouteverythingelse.Thiswasamajorconcernofmine.DespitethefactthatIhadn'tbeenhappyorhadanysortof"fun"inyears,Iwasgenuinelyconcernedthatgettingsoberwasgoingtosuckallofthefunoutofmylifeforgood.Makessense,right?Uh,hmmmm.Anyway,whenpeoplegetsober,oneofthebiggestfearsisexactlythis.CanIeverhavefunagain?Willlifejustbeboringashell?Whydowethinkthis?Well,IknowformethatIstartedgettingmessedupatsuchayoungagethatIforgothowtohavefunsober.Whenyou'veonlyreallyskied,vacationed,watchedsportsorgonedancingdrunk,itcan seem an impossibility to imagine doing those things any otherway.Another reason is thatwe tend to surroundourselveswithpeoplethatcondonethisbehaviorandemulateit,somydrinkingandusingfriendsweremyonlypointofreference.Ididn'thavefriends,oratleastnotonesthatthatIreallyhungoutwith,thatdidthesesortsofthingssober.Allofthisbeingsaid,learningtohavefunsoberisamust.

Winningisonlyhalfofit.Havingfunistheotherhalf.~BumPhillips

WeAreNotaGlumLot

...wearen'taglumlot.Ifnewcomerscouldseenojoyorfuninourexistence,theywouldn'twantit.Weabsolutelyinsistonenjoyinglife.Wetrynottoindulgeincynicismoverthestate

ofthenations,nordowecarrytheworld'stroublesonourshouldersALCOHOLICSANONYMOUS,p.132

One thing you may have noticed when walking into your first AA meeting was ...laughter. People in AA, and inrecovery,havefun.Itmaybeannoyingashellatfirst,inconceivable,andjustdownrightfreaky.Thefactis,nearlyallofusfeltthiswaywhenfirstgettingsober.Nooneentersrecoveryonahighnote,butwequicklydiscoverthethingswecan't control, the thingswe can andmost of us find some peace that allows us to relax and enjoy amoment. Thatmomentmayturnintoaminuteand,thenextthingyouknow,you'veenjoyedyourselfforanentirehour-sober!

Theprospectofgoingfromapartyanimaltosittingathomealoneinthecornerknittingasweaterdoesn'tappealtoverymanyofus.Luckily,thisdoesn'thavetobeyourreality.Livingasoberlifeprobablywillnolongerinvolvelatenighthigh speedchaseswith thecopsandbackalley shadydealsbut Iwasprettygrateful tobedonewith that crap.Thedefinitionof"fun"changeswithrecoveryandjoybecomesmuchmoreenrichingandrewarding.Thetruthis,thatifyougetsoberanddon'tmaketheefforttolearnhowtorelaxandhavefun,itcantakeseriouseffortatfirst,theprospectsforlong-termsobrietymaybelimited.Havingfunandenjoyinglifearecriticalcomponentsofrecovery.

So,what are someof the "fun" thingsyoucando in sobriety?Actually, the list ispretty endless. I can tell you thatpeopleinAAarebigonconventions,dances,picnics,potlucks,campingand(thisishuge)EATING.Welovetogoouttoeat.Someofyourbiggestopportunitiestogettoknowpeopleoutsideofmeetingsarebygoingouttobreakfast,lunchordinnerbeforeorafterameeting.Thiscan,easily,becomeahabitwhereyouwill formsomesolidfriendshipsandthenbegindoingotherthingswiththesepeopleinbetweenmeetings.Ihavelivedinseveralplacesinrecoveryandthisisalwayshowithasworkedforme.Otherthingsyoucandoare:gotoconcerts,goonroadtrips,exercise,andlearnanewskill.Invitepeopleinthefellowshiptodothesethingswithyouandyouwillformlifelongbondsandstrengthenyoursupportnetwork.Betteryet,you'llhaveablast!

Whyareaddictsandalcoholicsafraidtoletgoandhavefun?Wehadtoingestseriousamountsofdrugsoralcoholtoletgoofourfearsandinsecurities.WorkingtheTwelveStepshelpstoreducethefear,allowingustocreatebondsinthefellowshipwithothersinrecovery,whichcanalsohelpteachwhatthe“newfun”lookslike.Thebeautyofrecoveryisthat,ifyoureachoutenough,youwillfindotherswhohavethesameinterestsasyou,andofteneventhesamesenseofhumor.Butfirstittakesreachingout.Thisisn'talwayseasyandthepeopleinthemeetingsareverysympathetictothis.It takesvery littleeffort toget involved.Iampainfullyshyandhaveneverhadaproblemgettinginto themiddleofthingswhenIputforthjust thetiniestbitofeffort.Ithasalwayspaidoffinspades- inlaughter, loveandnewsoberexperiences.

Theaveragepersonlivingtoage70has613,000hoursoflife.Thisistoolongaperiodnottohavefun.

Rule62-Seriously,LaughaLittle

Irealizethathumorisn'tforeveryone.It'sonlyforpeoplewhowanttohavefun,enjoylife,andfeelalive.-AnneWilsonSchaef

If you hang around AA, you will hear "Rule 62" mentioned occasionally and this particular rule means "Do not takeyourself too damn seriously". Since you won't find it in the literature, here are its origins: Rule 62 was created by afoundingmemberofAAwhoscoffedattheideaofanAlcoholicsAnonymouswith"Rules".Whenarulescommitteewasformedtodiscussahugelistofrulesthefoundingmembershadcomeupwith(61tobeexact),thismansuggestedthat no rules were necessary for AA, because Alcoholics never follow rules anyway! After much discussion, hesuggested that there may be just one rule AAs should follow; and that would be Rule 62, which states: "Do not takeyourselftoodamnseriously!"ThecommitteeabandonedtheideaofanAAwithrules,andtodaythisistheonlyonethatremains-butitisnotreallyarule,becausealcoholicsdon'tlike"Rules"!

Onethingyouwillnoticeifyougotoenoughmeetingsandpayattentiontowhat'ssharedisthatpeoplehaveatendencytojokesometimeswhensharing,tosharesomeverypersonaldetailsoftheirpastsinalightheartedmannerandtobeabitself-deprecatinginnature.Thisisnotmeanttobecrassorevenegotistical.Whathashappenedisthattherehasbeenashiftinperspectiveintherecoveringalcoholicwhereintheyfindthattheirexperiencesarenolongerasshamefulastheyoncethought;theiractionswereduetotheinsidiousnatureofthediseaseandtherealizationcomesthatsharingthesethingsishelpfulintheirrecovery.Bynottakingthemselvessoseriously,learningtolaughattheirmistakesandbeingopen,arecoveringalcoholicisabletoletgoofalotoffearandshameandisalsoabletohelpothersbysharingtheirexperience,strengthandhopewithothers.

Thephenomenonoflaughterandhumorreceivedalotofattentionin1979whenNormanCousinspublishedhisbookTheAnatomyofanIllnessinwhichhetalksaboutthebody’sabilitytorecoverfromillnessandhowitisrelatedtothemental attitudes of the person. Laughter was further examined in 2001 when Robert Provine, PhD, wrote his bookLaughter:AScientificInvestigation.InthebookProvineexaminesthemultiplesourcesoflaughter,genderdifferences,andthephysiologicalprocessthattakeplacewhenlaughteroccurs.Theauthorconcludesthatlaughtermayindeedhavesome therapeutic properties and should be studied further. Laughter is a self soothing, mood altering experience andbringsforthjoy,happiness,delightandbliss.Laughterisalsoaphysicalexperiencewhereanindividual'sbloodpressureandheartratescomesdownandendorphins,thebrainsnaturalpainkillersarereleased.

Theresultsofmanyscientificstudiesontheeffectsoflaughterhaveledmostexpertstoagreethatlaughtercanproviderecoveringaddictsandalcoholicswithaneffectivetooltobeginrecoveringjoyintheirlives.Theaddictsbrainiswiredto ensure the repetition of activities associated with pleasure or reward. It ultimately seeks the release of dopamine,endorphins and serotonin - known as the happy chemicals. The effect of such a powerful reward strongly motivatespeople to pursue those substances again and again. Laughter works much the same way. Laughter releases happychemicals. The mere act of smiling causes the brain to release dopamine, which in turn makes us feel good. Andlaughterisfree!Inordertostaysoberalcoholicsandaddictshavetochangejustonething-everything!Whatelsecouldbebetterthantolaughourwaythroughthat!

"Outsiders are sometimes shocked when we burst into merriment over a seemingly tragicexperienceoutof thepast.Butwhyshouldn'twe laugh?Wehaverecovered,andhavebeengiventhepowertohelpothers."-AlcoholicsAnonymous

Yougrowupthedayyouhavethefirstreallaugh--atyourself.-EthelBarrymore

SoberTravelandVacations

Lifeiseitheradaringadventureornothing.-HelenKeller

Manyofusdreamofonceagainbeingabletogoonvacationsor,betteryet,havingtheabilitytotakethosetripsthatweonlytalkedaboutwhilesittingonthebarstoolbutweretooboggeddownwithouraddictionstotake.Well,fearnot-thesobertravelbusinessisHUGE.Choicesaboundastowhatyoucandowithyourselfstonecoldsoberthesedaysandtheskyisthelimit.Youcandowhatevercomestotheimagination,buttherearethingsorganizedasdiverseassobermusicfestivals,camping,yogaretreatsandcruises,vacationrentalsandresortsandmuchmore.

Organized sober travel will generally happen through a sober travel agent (there are tons), who can research AAmeetings in the location, be sure that tour operators are aware that participants are in recovery, and set up soberactivities.Somesober travelagencieswillallowforpaymentplanssothatyoucanplanyour tripswithsobergroupswellinadvanceanddothingssuchasgoonskitrips,golfing,rafting,cruisesandevenClubMedvacations.

Asidefromtheorganizedsobertravelgroups,mostmajorcruiselineswillhave"FriendsofBill"meetingsonboardforanyone who wants to attend. There are also regional conventions and the International Convention of AlcoholicsAnonymousthatyoucanplantoattend.ThenextInternationalConventionwillbeinAtlantainthesummerof2015.These are huge celebrations,with over 59,000 people attending the last one inSanAntonio.These only occur onceevery5yearsbuttherearestatesconventions,localconventionsand"round-ups"happeningconstantly.Dependingonwhereyoulive,youcouldliterallystaybusywiththesejustabouteveryweekendoftheyear.

Ihavealwayslovedto travelbutmanyofmytripswereablurorendedupbeinginsanelyexpensivebecauseof thealcoholbillattheend.Gettingtotravelandseenewplaces,andre-experienceoldplaces,soberhasbeenablessing.IwentonaSoberCruiseafterjustafewyearssoberanditwasalotoffun.Imetalotofnewpeoplefromalloverthecountry.Wehadmeetingsontheship,atetogether,wentonexcursionstogetherandstayedintouchafterthetrip.I'vealso travelledaround theworld,bothwithcompanionsandalone, insobrietyandhaveenjoyedmyself immensely. Ittakesalotofpressureoffoftheitinerarywhenyouarenotworriedabouthuntingdownthatnextdrinkordrugandcanjustrelaxandenjoytheride.Thisisoneofthebiggestbenefitsofsobrietytome.

"Enjoylifetoday,itisnotadressrehearsal."

OtherIssues

ItwouldbeaproductoffalsepridetoclaimthatA.A.isacure-all,evenforalcoholism-ASBILLSEESIT,p.285

Thereisalotofconfusionanddebateinrecoverywhenitcomesto"outside"issuesandwhetherornotitisoktoaskforandpursueoutsidehelpandotherthingslikemedication.Thisisanattempttoclarifysomeofthatand,hopefully,notconfuseyoufurther.Ihonestlycan'tpictureanyone,myselfincluded,whowalkedintoAAoratreatmentcenterwiththeonly"problem"beingthattheyhaddranktoomuch.Therearealwaysunderlyingcausesandconditionsthatgotustoaparticularpointintime(hopefullya"bottom")andsomeofususedmanydifferentthingstoexcess-alcohol,drugs,food,people.Othersofusmayhaveadditionalpsychiatricdiagnosesthatcontributedtoourdiseaseandmayalsoplayaroleinourrecoveryprocess.Allofthesearevalidthingstotakeagoodhardlookatand,ifyougotoatreatmentcenter,theywillcertainlyhelpyouwiththis.However,ifyoudonot,youmaybeleftevenmorelostandconfusedastowhattoaboutthese"otherissues"asyoumoveforward.IknowIwas.

IfitLooksLikeaDuck(OtherAddictions,Compulsions,etc)

“It’snottheloadthatbreaksyoudown;it’sthewayyoucarryit.”-LenaHorne

WhenIcameintorecovery,andAA,Ihadaseriousprescriptiondrugproblem.ThereisnodoubtthatIwasanalcoholicasIdranklikeafishformanymanyyears.However,whenIdiscovered"thepills",IlovedthemandthosearewhatIstuckwithandwhattookmeveryquicklytoanuglybottom.IwasinitiallyconfusedandtormentedmyselfoverwhereIbelonged.ShouldIgotoNAorAA?Whatisokandnotoktotalktoabout?IfIgotoAA,amIdenyingthatIhadadrugproblemandsettingmyselfupforfailure?WhatIlearned,veryearlyon,wasthatitjustdidn'tmatterwhereIwent.ThefactofthematterwasthatIwas"addicted"toanythingthatIputinmybodythatchangedthewayIfelt.Itdidn'tmatter if it was pills, booze, cocaine, etc.What mattered was that I finally understood that and was able to reallyinternalizeit.Atthatpoint,IfoundthefellowshipthatIwasmostcomfortableinandmadeitmyhome.

AAwasmychoicebecauseIfoundthatmembers,forthemostpart,focusedonthesolutionandonlivingsober.Thereisn't a lot talk inmeetingsabout actual "drinking" just for this reason.The idea is to learnhow to live soberandbehappy,nottositaroundandtellwarstoriesaboutthegoodolddays-theyweren'tgood.Iwasalsoabletomakethismentalshift,whereeverytimeIsaid"MynameisTaite,I'manAlcoholic",itwasall-encompassing.This,tome,meansthatIcan'tputanythinginmybodythatisgoingtochangethewayIfeel.IdothisoutofrespectforthefellowshipthathassavedmylifeanditsTraditions.

Thereisnodoubtthattherearethousandsjustlikeme,membersofAA,whocanclaimtobeaddictedtomanythings.Workingthe12StepsofAAdoesn'tjustensurethatI'llliveahappyandusefullifewithoutwantingtopickupadrinkagain. Italsoensures that Icanhavean incredible life freeofmanyof theseoutsidecompulsions that tookoverandruledme from the insideout.Notonlydo Inothave thecompulsion todrink, Idon'twant tododrugs today, lie tofamilymembersorfriends,orspendmoneythatIdon'thave.Idon'thavetogotoNAfordrugs,CAforcocaineandsoon.However,IamfreetodosoifIwant.Idohavefriendsthatareinseveralfellowshipsandsomearehelpfulfornon-substanceproblems,suchaswithgamblingandsex.Thisiscertainlyavailabletoanyone,butnotalwaysnecessary.

SeekingOutsideHelp

Whenyou'redrowning,youdon'tsay'Iwouldbeincrediblypleasedifsomeonewouldhavetheforesighttonoticemedrowningandcomeandhelpme,'youjustscream.JohnLennon

Aseparateissueentirelyoccurswhenanewlyrecoveringpersonhasothersimultaneousissuesthatareaffectingtheirrecovery.Thesemaybeknowninadvance,maybediagnosedduringtreatmentorinsomecasesmaynotcometolightuntilwell into sobriety.The fact is that addicts canbepretty complicated folks, anddespiteAAs success inhelpingalcoholicsgetandstaysober,AAaloneisnotenoughtomanagethehostofcomplicationsthatanalcoholicmayhave.That iswhyAA isveryclear about separating itself frommedicineandpsychiatry,pointedly tellingmembers toget"outsidehelp"whennecessary.

Research has proven that people with alcohol or other drug disorders often suffer from a bouquet of descriptiveacronymsandpsycho jargon thathas replacedAAsplacid “characterdefects”mentioned sooften in theBigBook -“duel disorders,” “comorbid disorders,” “MICA” (mentally ill chemical abusers) and substance abuserswith “SMI”(seriousmentalhealth illness), tonamea few.Thenewest term is“co-occurringdisorder.”Thepercentagesareabitdauntingaswell;about16%oftheUSpopulationsuffersfromsubstanceabuseproblems.Inpeoplewithmentalhealthdisorders, the number is almost twice as high: 29%. Forty-seven percent of schizophrenics and 56%of peoplewithbipolardisordershaveasubstanceabusedisorder.Almost80%ofalcoholicsexperiencedepressionatsometimeintheirlives, and 30% meet the diagnostic requirements for major depression. As many as one-third of people enteringtreatmentforsubstanceabuseissuesmeettherequirementsforPost-TraumaticStressSyndrome(PTSD).

Sohowdoesamemberknowwhenitistimetoseek"outsidehelp"?Well,ifyouhavebeenhandedoneofthoseniftydiagnoseseitherbeforegettingsoberor in treatment, thatwouldbeagood indication thatyoumaywant tocheck inwithyourdoctorandletthemknowwhat'sup.Ifyoudon'thaveaspecialist,juststartwithaGeneralPractitionerandbehonestaboutyoursituationandwhereyouareat.AgreatmentalhealthprofessionalforrecoveringaddictsareLADC's(Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor), which many times can either be psychiatrists or medical doctors withadditional training inchemicaldependencyandabuse issues. It'swell-known thatdiagnosingand treatingmany"co-concurring"disorders canbedifficult until the patient has been sober at least 6months,whenyou canget a clearerpictureofwhattheyarereallylike.

Oneofthemanydangersofnotmanagingco-occurringdisorders,ofcourse,isrelapse.Activeaddictionamplifiestheco-occurringdisorderssothatsobrietymustindeedcomefirstifthesuffererisgoingtohaveanyhopeofgettingbetter.But the other side is that untreated depression, anxiety or mania can trigger relapse. The American Association ofMarriage and Family Therapists has set up an online service for people in recovery to “seek outside help.” TheTherapistLocator.netwebsiteisdesignedspecificallytoputthoseinneedofservicesintouchwiththosewhoprovidethem.IfyoufeellikeyouneedOutsideHelp,don'tbeafraidtogetit.

“Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates anadvancedlevelofhonestyandintelligence.”JimRohn

WhereDoIGoFromHere?

Itisgoodtohaveanendtojourneytowards;butitisthejourneythatmatters,intheend.-UrsulaK.LeGuin

Ifnotproperlyschooledinaddictionandrecoverymatters,asIwasnotforaverylongtime,manyofusmaybelievethat abrief "timeout" from life andusing isgoing tobe all that is required to set things right again. If you'vepaidattentiontoanyofthepriorchaptersinwhichI'vestatedmorethanafewtimesthat,"theonlythingyouneedtochangeis-everything",theremaybeabitofahintthatthisjustisn'tthecase.AnentireAftercareindustryhasbeenbuiltonthispremiseandit'sbeenshown,timeandagain,thatrecoveryfromthediseaseofalcoholismisanongoingprocess.Thosewhofeeltheyhave"graduated"orhavearrivedareinforarudeawakening.

Itiseasytoletuponthespiritualprogramofactionandrestonourlaurels.Weareheadedfortroubleifwedo,foralcoholisasubtlefoe.ALCOHOLICSANONYMOUS,p.85

IFeelMuchBetterNow-ThanksfortheAdvice,PhoneNumbers,Coffeeand3Meetings.SeeYa

...nosocietyofmenandwomeneverhadamoreurgentneedforcontinuouseffectivenessandpermanentunity.Wealcoholicsseethatwemustworktogetherandhangtogether,else

mostofuswillfinallydiealone.ALCOHOLICSANONYMOUS,p.562

I heard early on that this disease is "cunning, baffling and powerful".How true that is!Addiction is a disease thatcontinuallytellsusthatwe"don'thaveadisease"andthateverythingwillbejustfine,wecanhandleitorwe'rebetternow. I rememberoneof the first times that I realized that Icouldn't stoponmyown- that Ineededhelp. Ihad justgottenanew,high-powered job (Godknowshow)andwanted to startmy life "fresh"with it. I figured that Iwouldcheckmyselfintothehospitalforaquick3-4dayDetox,walkoutandjuststartlifeoveragainfresh.Iseteverythingup,didn't tell anyonewhatwasgoingonbecause "I couldhandle it", andprepared formynew life. I leftworkoneafternoonandwentstraighttothehospital,checkedinandsleptwhiledetoxingfordays.Attheendofthose3days,Ifeltgreatandhadanewleaseonlife.WhenIwassupposedly"clean",Iputonmybusinesssuittogostraighttowork,walked out of that hospital and was messed up again before lunch time. I was baffled, ashamed and completelydemoralized.WhatIdidn'tunderstandatthattimewasthatthesamepersonthatwalkedintothathospitalwasgoingtouseagain.NotonlydidIhavetochange,butIhadtokeepchangingandgrowinginordertostaysoberandliveahappylife.

Itistemptingforthoseofusthathavemadeitthroughdetox,atreatmentcenteror90daysinAAtodeclarethattheirproblemsaresolved.Manypeopleactuallystartfeelingbetterquitequicklyandproblemsstarttofadeawayaswell.Itisalsotemptingtopatourselvesonthebackforfinallygettinghelp.Itisagreatachievementbutisnottheendinitselfbyalongshot.WhileIhaterecoverystatisticsbecausetheycanbedepressing(andinaccurate),here'sonetotakenoteof:Up to50%of thosewhomake it throughanaddiction treatmentprogramwill later relapse.Thosewho relapsemaynever get another opportunity to recover. Again, once we start feeling better, many of us forget that this is a fataldisease.

If you did go to a treatment center, youmost certainly would have been prepared for this with relapse preventioncounselingandtheofferingofAftercareservicesiftheyareavailable.Ifyoudidn'tgototreatment,that'sfine.YoucanreceiveallofthehelpandguidancethatyouneedthroughthesupportnetworkthatyoubuildinAAandthroughoutsidecounselingifyoufeelthatyouneedit.Oneofthemostimportantthingstorememberisthatrecoveryisalwaysgoingtobeaprocessandajourney.Thereisnofinaldestination.

"Peoplewhodon’tgotomeetingsnevergettoseewhathappenstopeoplewhodon`tgotomeetings."

DoIHavetoDoThisForever?

Thisisnotanovernightmatter.Itshouldcontinueforourlifetime.ALCOHOLICSANONYMOUS,p.84

Tokeepthelampburningwehavetokeepputtingoilinit.-MotherTeresa

OneknockonAAisoftentheideaofgoingtomeetings"forever";Somepeoplewillask"DoIhavetodothisforever?".Well,dowhat forever?Livewithoutalcoholanddrugs rulingyour life?Haveahappy, richand fulfillingexistence?Havefriendsthatlikeyou,trustyouandcareaboutyou,thatyoulike,trustandcareabout!Buildlifelongrelationshipsthat are productive and fulfilling? The reason people ask this question is the fear of change and simply notunderstandingthepotentialthatliesbeforethem.

One thingalcoholics tend tohave in common is aneed to staymotivatedand to avoidboredom.When first gettingsober, it's easy to be highlymotivated.This new life is exciting and theworld appears full of possibilities.As timepasses,thenewnessofrecoverycantendtofade.Afterthefirstcoupleofyears,addictshavesatthroughhundreds,ifnot thousands,ofmeetings;workedthesteps;hadcommitments;andmaybeevenpickedupasponseeor two.Manymightthinkthey’vegottheproblemallsewnup.Evenwhensoberlifeissomuchmorerewardingthanthelifeofanactive alcoholic or addict,we can begin to take things for granted. Ifmotivation to stay sober andwork a programbegins towane, the riskof relapse increases.This isparticularly true ifwemake themistakeofslippingback intoapatternoftryingtodoitonourown,withoutsupport.

Longtermsobrietyisthegoldstandardofsuccessinbeatingalcoholism.Thereareplentyofpeoplewhodriftinandoutofrecovery,onlygettingasmalltasteofabetterlifebeforeslippingbackintothegripofaddiction.Forthenewcomer,thebigquestioninearlyrecoverybecomes:“HowcanImakethislast?”or“HowcanIturnrecoveryintoalifestyle?”Thesequestionsallpointtowardthesamegoalofachievinglongterm,meaningfulsobriety.AfewcommonfactorsthatI'veseeninthosethathavebeenabletoachievethisLongtermsobrietyarethese:

StrengthofCommitment-Simplydabbling in recovery isn'tgoing tocut it.Thosewhostickaroundgenerallytalkabouthowheavily theywere involved inAA in theirearlyyearsof sobriety.This levelofcommitmentcanbeenviewedasanoutwardreflectionofwhatisdrivingyouontheinsidetowardsoflifeofsobriety.

WillingtoFollowDirection-Recoveryissimplyfollowingasetofdirections,orsuggestions,tohelpyouliveasober life. Those who have been successful in achieving long term sobriety tend to emphasize their strongwillingness to followwhateverdirectionwasgiven to them,whether itmadesenseornot.Thisalsospeaks toaprofoundlevelofdesperationthatisnecessarytosurrenderandbeginthisjourney.

OneDayataTimePhilosophy-Peopleinrecoveryknowthat theyneverhavetodrinkoruseagain ...Justfortoday.Itishelpfultoknowthatifwecanjustmakeitthroughtodaywithoutdrinking,thentomorrowwillprovideuswitha freshstartand thingswill likely takecareof themselves.Many in recoveryhave learned thepoweroflivinginthemoment,orthepresentandapopularbookonthissubjectisEckhartTolle's"ThePowerofNow".

SpiritualExperience-This isveryimportantandwhat theprogram(12Steps)ofrecoveryaimsto leadyouto.Behavioralapproachesandcognitivetherapiesworkgreatfortreating“problemdrinkers”or“drugabusers,”butforrealalcoholicsanddrugaddicts,acompletepsychicchangeinpersonalityisnecessarytoovercometheirproblem.Thisisnotthesameasreligiousconversion.Thevitalspiritualexperienceischaracterized,amongotherthings,byovercomingself-centeredness,andismaintainedbyworkingwithothersinrecovery.

Balance-Addictsandalcoholicsareexpertsatunbalancingtheirlives.Whilewemaygetsober,wemaybecomeworkaholics, shopaholics, exercise fanaticsorvideogameaddicts.Whatwedonotknowhow todo is find truebalanceandrecoveryoffersustoolstodothis,givingusthedesiretolivea"normal"balanced,healthylife.Manywithlong-termsobrietyhavemadegreatstridesinthisarea.

Ifmotivationisanissueforyoualready,considertheabovefactorsandseehowtheyarebeingappliedinyourrecoveryrightnow,ifatall.Also,takealookatyourexpectations.Someindividualshaveexpectationsofrecoverythataretoolow.Thismeansthattheyarepreparedtosettleforlessthanwhatisactuallypossible.Itisimportantthatpeoplehavegoalsintheirsobrietyandthattheyworktowardsachievingthese.Iheardinthebeginning,andcontinuetohear,thatifyousetdownyourgoalsforyourselfinsobrietyaboutwhatyouthoughtwaspossible,youwouldsellyourselfshortbyamile.ThisisverytrueinmyexperienceandinsomanyothersthatIhavehadthejoyofobservingovertheyears.

“From experience, I've realized that I cannot go back and make a brand-new start. ButthroughA.A.,Icanstartfromnowandmakeabrand-newend.”?AlcoholicsAnonymous

TheMiracleMotherLoad

“Tothisday,Iamamazedathowmanyofmyproblems-mostofwhichhadnothingtodowithdrinking,Ibelieved-havebecomemanageableorhavesimplydisappearedsinceIquit

drinking.”?AlcoholicsAnonymous

Itisastonishinginthisworldhowthingsdon'tturnoutatallthewayyouexpectthemto!-AgathaChristie

Attheendofmydrinkingandusing,IhonestlyjustthoughtthatitwouldbeamiracleifIwouldbeabletogoonedaywithoutthestuff.ThatseemedinconceivabletomeatthetimeasIhadbeenlivinginpuresurvivalmodeforsolong.Gotoenoughmeetingsandyouareboundtohear"Don'tquit5minutesbeforethemiraclehappens".Ifyouarehavingoneofthosedays,theseplatitudescanbesoirritating.However,IhadleftsuchapileofshitinmywakewhenIcameintorecovery,thatIwouldhavebeenhappywithasemi-miracleor1/4-miracleatthatpoint.Ijustnoddedmyheadandkepttrudgingon.ThethingsthatIheardandsoonexperiencedastoundedme.

Miracles are instantaneous, they cannot be summoned, but come of themselves, usually atunlikelymomentsandtothosewholeastexpectthem.-KatherineAnnePorter

MiraclesHappen

“WhenIstoppedlivingintheproblemandbeganlivingintheanswer,theproblemwentaway.”?AlcoholicsAnonymous

Whenmostpeoplethinkoftheword"miracle",theythinkofsomethingthatisawelcomeeventthatispossiblydivinelyinspiredoraneventthatdefiesthelawsofnature.Whetherornotsomeofthethingsthatweseehappeninthelivesofpeoplethatcomeintorecoveryfitnicelyintothislittleboxornot,theycertainlyfeelmiraculouswhentheyoccurinourlivesandyou'dbehardpressedtoarguethecaseagainstsomeonewhohasexperiencedthem.Infact,themosttouchingandamazingmiraclesarethosethathavetodowithpeoplegainingtheabilitytotrulyloveandserveothers,andhowtheirlivestakeonnewmeaning.Toseethemetamorphosisofsomeprettybrokenpeopleintostrong,compassionateandhopefulhumanbeingsisagiftinitself.

Whilethisallmaysoundverytouchyfeelytothenewcomer,it'snothingtoshakeastickat.Onamorephysicalplane,however,miracleshappenonadailybasisforpeoplewhogetsoberandcontinuetodotherightthing.IamlivingproofandIseeithappenforothersconstantly.Veryseriousillnessesresolvethemselves,jobsituationsarefixedandfamilyconflictsaremended.Remember,Iwasn'tonanysortofwinningstreakwhenIgotsober.Ihadnojob,noplacetolive,waslosingmychildandwasfacingprisontime.Itwasaseriesofmiracles,inmyeyes,thatIwasabletofindaplacetoliveandajobrightoutoftreatment,Iwasabletokeepmy3yearoldchildinmylifeandIdidnotendupspendinganotherdayinjail.Iseethesesamethings(callthemwhateveryouwant)happeninthelivesofothersallthetime.Thefactofthematteristhatrewardingthingshappenforpeoplewho,finally,puttheirrecoveryfirst.

Thesemiraclesinsobrietyarejustthetipoftheiceberg.Recoveryteachesusthatlivinginappreciation,forgivenessandcompassion are interrelated. Once you learn to forgive yourself and others, releasing all the shame you have beencarrying,findingyourpurposewillbemucheasier.Youwillhaveopenedupaspaceinyourheartfortruecompassionwhichcanonlyleadtoaprofoundappreciationforyoursobriety.Whenyourheartisopen,anythingandeverythingispossible.Ihaveseenmanypeoplereleasetheirresentmentstowardspeople,places,andthings;lettingthemgoallowingforpositivechangestooccur.Finally,learningtoletgoofresistanceandattachmentsisaboutnotbeinggluedtohavingthingsturnoutexactlyasyouenvisionedthemtobe.Itisaboutbeingopenandwillingtowhatevercomesyourwaysothatyoudonot live inperpetualdisappointmentwhen thingsdon’tgoasyousoeloquentlyplanned.Once Ibecameopentowherevermylife(career,relationships,etc)wasgoingtotakeme,moreopportunitiescameforth.Bycontinuingonthisjourneyandremainingopen,wecontinuetoallowthesemiraclestobecreatedinallareasofourlives.

SuchistheparadoxofA.A.regeneration:strengtharisingoutofcompletedefeatandweakness,thelossofone'soldlifeasaconditionforfindinganewone.A.A.COMESOFAGE,

p.46

GivingItAway

...hehasstrucksomethingbetterthangold....Hemaynotseeatoncethathehasbarelyscratchedalimitlesslodewhichwillpaydividendsonlyifheminesitfortherestofhislife

andinsistsongivingawaytheentireproduct.ALCOHOLICSANONYMOUS,p.129

Makeyourselfablessingtosomeone.Yourkindsmileorpatonthebackjustmightpullsomeonebackfromtheedge.-CarmelitaElliott

Ifyouarenew to this, theprospectof jumping inandhelpingothersorgivingawaysomething thatyouhaven'tyet"gotten"mayseemprecarious.Noworries,you'llgetthere.Butifyoujumpbacktothechapterthattalksabout"WhatisAA?",you'llrememberthattheentireorganizationwasbuiltonthepremiseofonealcoholichelpinganother.Byourverynature,wearedefiantandmistrustingofanyoneinauthority tellingus justwhat todo,howto live,howtoact,whattosayorhowtothink.Whatworksishearingtheactualexperience,strengthandhopeofsomeonewhohasthesamemalady and haswalked the same path before us. Iwould venture to guess that you probablywould not havepurchased thisbookwere itnotwrittenby someonewhohas "been there".Likewise, thepersonal experiences that Ihaverelatedthroughoutthebookhavelikelyhelpedafewpeopleatleasttorelatetothematerialalittlebitbetter.Thatishowthisworks.

Regardless,recoveringpeoplewhodedicatetheirtimetohelpingothersarenotdoingthisforpurelyself-lessreasons.Instead theyhavecome to realize thatbyhelpingothers theycanhelp themselvesaswell.Though there isplentyofdebateaboutwhatworksandwhatdoesn'twithregardstorecovery,thereislittledisputingthathelpingotherswhohavedrugoralcoholaddictionproblemscanbeveryhelpfultoone’sownrecovery.Thereisasayingthatmanyinrecoverycirclesrepeatthatgoes,"WhenIgotbusy,Igotbetter."Whatitmeansis,intheirefforttomaintainsobriety,theyfoundthatdoingserviceworktohelpothersactuallyhelpedthemstaycleanandsober.Nowthereissomescientificresearchthatbacksupthenotionthathelpingothershelpsalcoholicsandaddictsbecomeandstaysober.

MariaE.Pagano,PhD,ofCaseWesternReserveUniversitySchoolofMedicine, inapublished reviewcitedseveralempiricalstudiesthatsupportthe"helpertherapyprinciple"ortheideathatwhensomeonehelpsanotherpersonwithasimilarcondition, theyhelp themselves.Dr.Paganoandcolleaguesevaluated thedecade longof treatmentoutcomesusingdatafromasinglesiteinProjectMATCH,thelargestmulti-siterandomizedclinicaltrialonbehavioraltreatmentsofalcoholismsponsoredbytheNationalInstituteonAlcoholAbuseandAlcoholism.ResultsshowedthatparticipationinAlcoholicsAnonymous-relatedHelping(AAH)producedloweredalcoholuseandincreasedinterestinothersateachsubsequentfollow-upassessment."TheAAHfindingssuggesttheimportanceofgettingactiveinservice,whichcanbeinacommitted2-monthAAservicepositionorassimpleassharingone'spersonalexperienceinrecoverytoanotherfellowsufferer."ThisstudyalsofoundthatalcoholicsengagedinAAHdidmorestep-workandattendedmoremeetingsthanthosenothelpingothers.Ineffect,AAHstrengthensthecommitmenttotheprogramthatmanynewcomershavedifficultywithinthebeginning.

Notsurewheretostart?Manyofusaren'tsoyou'recertainlynotalone.Simpleanswer,justask.However,asfurtherexplanationAlcoholicsAnonymousisanon-profitorganization.Itreliescompletelyontheserviceofitsmembers.Eachgroupisanautonomousunitanditisuptothememberstoensurethateverythingrunssmoothly.Thesegroupscouldnotsurviveifmemberswerenotpreparedtotakeonunpaidresponsibilities.Newlysoberpeoplemaybeaskedtomakethecoffeeortea,orwelcomeothernewcomers.Thosewhoaresoberlongermaybegivenresponsibilitiessuchasactingasthemeetingsecretaryortreasurer.Memberswillalsooftentaketurnsasthemainspeakeratthemeetingoractingaschairperson.Someindividualswilltakeonadditionalresponsibilitiessuchastelephoneserviceorsponsorship.

Helpingotherpeopleinrecoveryisoneofthemosteffectivewaystostaymotivated.InAlcoholicsAnonymous,they

saythatyouhavetogiveitawaytokeepit,andthisiswhathelpingothersisabout.Itremindspeopleinrecoveryaboutwhere they have come from, and what they would be going back to if they ever relapsed. Also, alcoholics have atendency to be very self-absorbed. By thinking about and helping others, this allows them to take the focus off ofthemselvesandgetachangeinperspective.Helpingothersalsohelpstocontinuetobuildself-esteemasthegiverfeelsthattheyaregivingsomethingbacktosociety.Ofkeyimportancehere,however,isthatbyhelpingotherpeoplestaysober,theindividualcontinuestostrengthentheirownrecovery.

Theonlyonesamongyouwhowillbereallyhappyarethosewhowillhavesoughtandfoundhowtoserve.-AlbertSchweitzer

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Afterword

Whilegettingsoberinitselfwasamiracleinmybook,thelifethatIhavebeengivenasaresultissecondtonone.Ifsomeoneweretotellme(someoneverywellmayhave)thatIwouldbeabletoliveinsuchabeautifulplace,havesuchlovelypeopleinmylifeandnot thinkaboutdrinkinganddruggingall thetime,Iwouldhavethought that theyweretryingtosellmealoadofgoods.Itreallyissohardtoimaginethatthingscangetbetter,muchlessreallyreallygood,whencaughtunderthemireofaddiction.

IcantellyouthatIwillbeforevergratefulforthatmomentofclaritythatIfinallyhad,theoneinwhichIwasabletoputdowntheshovelandstopdigging thehole that Iwasstanding in.Fromthatmomenton, Ineverhad tobealoneagainandeverythingtookonawholenewlight.IttooklosingeverythingthatIlosttogettothatpointandthat'sok.Icanappreciatethatanditgivesmelotsofmaterialtosharewithothersandhopefullygivesomethingback.Thisbookwas as much a healing and clarifying exercise for me as it was just another avenue to relay my experiences andhopefullyhelpsomeonewhoisstillsuffering.Theysaywereachour"bottom"whenwhatwejustlostorareabouttoloseismoreimportantthanthatnextdrinkordrug.Thiswascertainlythecaseforme.Myhopeisthatthisisenoughforyouaswell.

Thank you for readingmy book. If you enjoyed it, won’t you please take amoment to leaveme a review at yourfavoriteretailer?

ThefollowingpagescontainsomeresourcesandlinksthatIhaveputtogetherforyouruse.Bestofluckasyoucontinuetoyourjourney,whereveritmaytakeyou.

-TaiteA.

RecoveryResources

TreatmentCenters

Thereareno"public"websitesthatoffertreatmentcenter,detoxandsoberlivingdirectories.Unfortunately,anysiteyoufindwillbefilledwith"sponsoredresults".Thismeansrehabsthathavepaidforadspace.That'snotalwaysabadthing,justnotanunbiasedthing.ThebestsiteI'vefoundisSober.com.You'llgetthesponsoredresultsinyoursearchbutyouwillalsogetallofthepubliclistingsaswell,includingthegovernment-funded(somefree)facilities.

SupportGroups

AlcoholicsAnonymous

Al-AnonWebsites

NarcoticsAnonymous

CocaineAnonymous

AdultChildrenofAlcoholics

Co-DependenceAnonymous(CoDA)

MentalHealth

NationalInstituteofMentalHealth

Resultsofbiomedicalresearchonmindandbehavior.

NationalAlliancefortheMentallyIll

Supportforconsumerswithmentalillness

SubstanceAbuse&MentalHealthServicesAdministration

UnitedStatesDepartmentofHealth&HumanServices

GovernmentResources

Single-StateAgency (SSA)Directory:PreventionandTreatmentofSubstanceUseandMentalDisorders–A list ofStateofficesthatcanprovidelocalinformationandguidanceaboutsubstanceuseandmentaldisorders,treatment,andrecoveryinyourcommunity.

AMVETSThisorganizationprovidessupportforveteransandtheactivemilitaryinprocuringtheirearnedentitlements.ItalsoofferscommunityservicesthatenhancethequalityoflifeforthisNation’scitizens.

Professionals

InterventionProjectforNurses

Helpforprofessionalswithchemicaldependencies.

InternationalLawyersinAlcoholicsAnonymous(ILAA)

Thisorganizationservesasaclearinghouseforsupportgroups for lawyerswhoare recoveringfromalcoholorotherchemicaldependencies.

InternationalPharmacistsAnonymous(IPA)

Thisisa12-stepfellowshipofpharmacistsandpharmacystudentsrecoveringfromanyaddiction.

Other

AlcoholScreening.org-Websiteofferinganonlinescreeningtooltoassessdrinkingpatterns.Thewebsiteoffersvisitorsfree confidential online screenings to assess their drinking patterns, giving thempersonalized feedback and showingthem if their alcohol consumption is likely to be within safe limits. AlcoholScreening.org was developed by JoinTogether,aprojectoftheBostonUniversitySchoolofPublicHealth,andwaslaunchedinApril2001.Thewebsitealsoprovidesanswers to frequentlyaskedquestionsaboutalcoholandhealthconsequences,andprovides links tosupportresourcesandadatabaseoflocaltreatmentprograms.

Disclaimer:Thissitedoesnotprovideadiagnosisofalcoholabuse,alcoholdependenceoranyothermedicalcondition.Theinformationprovidedherecannotsubstituteforafullevaluationbyahealthprofessional,andshouldonlybeusedasaguidetounderstandingyouralcoholuseandthepotentialhealthissuesinvolvedwithit.

ThisCenter for SubstanceAbuse Preventionwidget includes a variety of updates on activities relating to underagedrinkingwhichisupdatedregularlywithlocal,state,andnationalarticlespublishedbyonlinesources.

NCADD:TheNationalCouncilonAlcoholismandDrugDependence, Inc. (NCADD)and itsAffiliateNetwork isavoluntaryhealthorganizationdedicatedtofightingtheNation’s#1healthproblem–alcoholism,drugaddictionandthedevastatingconsequencesofalcoholandotherdrugsonindividuals,familiesandcommunities.

AmericanCouncilforDrugEducation

Educationalprogramsandservicesforteens,parents,andeducators

AbouttheAuthor

TaiteAdamsisasuccessfulmarketerandpublishedauthorwhohas traded in thehighcostof lowlivingforamuchmorepeaceful,andrewarding, life.Freeofalcoholanddrugs foroveradecadeandanactivememberofAlcoholicsAnonymous,Taite (not her real name) enjoys living a sober life and sharing those joyswith her family, friends andpeoplelookingforabetterwaytolive.Sheisanavidboater,licensedCoastGuardCaptainandprolifictraveler.Whileher bucket list remains long, each day brings a shining new opportunity to cross something off the list or discoversomethingnew-andforthatsheremainsforevergrateful.CheckoutouractiveFacebookPage:TaiteAdamsRecoveryBooks.

OpiateAddictionhasreachedepidemicproportions in thiscountryand issomething thatTaite is intimatelyfamiliarwith.Readherbest-sellingbook,thatiscontinuingtoclimbthecharts,chroniclingthisinsidiouskillerandlayingthepathwayforfreedomfromitsgrip.

Shouldyourequireadditionalassistancewithyourhomedetox,besuretopickupTaite'spopularbook,SafelyDetoxFromAlcoholandDrugsatHome,alsoavailableonline.

Ifyouora lovedoneare inrecoveryfromalcoholismoraddictionandwant to learnmoreaboutemotionalsobriety,checkoutTaite'sbooktitledRestartYourRecovery.

It'shard tomissmentionin themediaof thedrugMollyandthecontroversysurroundingitsuseandit's ingredients.Thereisplentyofconfusionthereaswell.CheckoutTaite'slatestbook,calledWhoisMolly?forthelatestinfoonthisdruganditsdangers.

For more information on Taite Adams, check her out at any of the links above or through her author profile onSmashwords.

OpiateAddictionSample

.....sample of Taite Adams Best Selling book -Opiate Addiction - The Painkiller Addiction Epidemic, HeroinAddictionandtheWayOut

Preface

Theworldofopiateaddictionisever-changingandhasalottodowithmarketconditions.Supplyanddemandandbasiceconomicsplayagreaterrolethanmanypeoplerealizeinwhichdrugscomeinandoutoffashionataparticularpointintime. Regardless ofwhich form of opiates are popular at the presentmoment, there is little doubt that opiateswillalwaysbeoneofthemostwidelyabusedclassesofdrugs.WhetheritbeVicodin,Oxys,Perc30s,methadoneorheroin,theopiateaddictwillgenerallytakewhattheycangettheirhandsonandthenabusethehelloutofit.

Opiates have a very long and rich history of being "in fashion", later shunned by society and then finding theirmedicinaluseforthemanagementofpain.Itwasthisriseintheuseofprescriptionopiatepainkillers,however,thathasbrought aboutwhat theCDC is now calling an epidemic of prescription drug addiction. In fact, in 2011 nearly 1.8million Americans were addicted to some form of prescription painkiller, more than those addicted to cocaine andheroincombined.Ihadalreadybeencleanfrommyopiateaddictionforover10yearsbythistime,yetthememoryofthedaytodaystruggle,theterrorandhopelessnessarestillfreshinmymind.ThisisnotsomethingthatIexpecttoeverforgetanditwasinterestingtore-livesomeofitandlearnafewnew"tricks"inthewritingofthisbook.

Whatscaresthehelloutofmemorethananythingelseistherisingproblem,inepidemicproportions,ofheroinuseinthiscountryasadirectresultofprescriptionopiateaddiction.Thereisnodoubtthatprescriptionpainkillersserveasagatewaytoheroinuseandthisisdeadly.Whileabuseofprescriptionpillsforpainwasreportedtobegoingdownin2011,accordingtothenationalsurveyondruguseandhealth,heroinusewasreportedtobeincreasing.Infact,in2011,nearly200,000peopletriedheroinforthefirsttime.In2014,it'suseandabuseisnearlyoutofcontrol.

Ifyouoralovedoneareaddictedtoopiates,thisbookisforyou.Inityoucanlearnmoreaboutthedrugsthatyouhavebeen taking, their effectsonyourbodyandmindandwhatyoucando tobreak free.There is informationonopiatemaintenanceprogramsaswellaswarningsontheirlong-termuseandsomegoodinformationaboutopiatedetoxandmaking treatment centerdecisions.Recovery fromopiate addiction isn't easybut it is absolutelypossible and Ihavefoundthatitisinfinitelysimplerandmorefulfillingthanthatofthedaytodaylifeofahopelessopiateaddict.

TheOpiateAddictionEpidemic

Nobodywilllaughlongwhodealsmuchwithopium:itspleasuresevenareofagraveandsolemncomplexion.-ThomasdeQuincey

Mostpeoplethinkthattheyhaveaclearpictureintheirmindofwhatadrugaddictisbutgenerally,whenitcomestoopiateaddiction,whatyougetcouldn'tbefurtherfromthatimage.Opiateaddictsdonotfitageneralstereotypeasthedrugdoesnotdiscriminate.Becauseofthenatureofopiateaddiction,itstrikesacrossage,ethnicandeconomicgroupsandthenpullseachandeveryoneofthosestrickendownwithequalmeasure.

TheCDCrecentlyreportedthatopiateaddictionisnowAmerica'sfastestgrowingdrugproblem,withthetotalnumberofpainkillersprescribedinasingleyearenoughtomedicateeveryadultlivingintheU.S.aroundtheclock.Whiletruethatheroinisthemostwidelyusedillegalopiate,it'safactthatprescriptionopiatepainkillersareequallydangerousandaninsidiousproblem.TheWorldHealthOrganization(WHO)estimates thatapproximately twomillionpeople in theUnitedStatesaloneareaddictedtoprescriptionopiates.

Theproblemisalsonotlimitedtoadults,asfirstuseofopiatesseemstobegettingyounger.TheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse(NIDA)reportsthatanestimated52millionpeople,20%ofthoseaged12andolder,haveusedprescriptiondrugs for nonmedical reasons at least once.Also, about 1 in 12 high school seniors reported nonmedical use of theprescriptiondrugVicodinthepastyear.About1in20highschoolseniorsalsoreportedabusingOxyContin.Thisisn'tlimited to theyoungercrowdeither.According toa2011studyby theSubstanceAbuseandMentalHealthServicesAdministration(SAMHSA),therateofcurrentillicitdruguseinadultsaged50to59increasedto6.3%in2011from2.7% in2002withopiates being among themost commonly abuseddrugs.The total numberof opiate prescriptionsdispensedbyretailpharmaciesintheUnitedStatesrosefrom76millionin1991to210millionin2010.

Theepidemicofopiateaddictionandpainkilleraddictionhasresultedinnearly16,000overdosedeathsannually.Whileheroincontinuestobearisingproblem,opiateaddictioningeneralisnotthestereotypicaldrugproblemthatmanyofusthinkofwhenwepicturethe"warondrugs".Infact,manytimesthisinvolvesapatientwhobeganwithalegitimatepainissue,anunwittingstringofphysicians(ornot)whoarewritingtheseprescriptions,andpharmaceuticalcompanieswhoareactingwithinthelaw.Thepublicconsumptionofopiates,throughlegalchannels,iscostinghealthinsurersover$72billionannually.

Opiatesareahugeproblem!...andgrowing.Trustme,Iknow.Mostofthetimewestarttakingthemforalegitimatepainissue,whetherforarootcanalorsomemajorsurgery.Manytimestheaddictiontothemdevelopsoveraperiodoftimeasaphysicaldependencydevelops.Withothers,however,thereisaninstantaneous"pull"thatthesedrugshaveonyoubecauseofthewaythattheymakeyoufeel.Theynotonlytakeawaythephysicalpainthattheywereprescribedfor,butbringtothetablesomethingthatyouthoughtyouhadbeenlookingforforaverylongtime.Thisishowitwasforme.Thosepillsbecamemybestfriendandmysalvationforatime-untiltheycompletelyownedme.

Youwillfindpeacenotbytryingtoescapeyourproblems,butbyconfrontingthemcourageously.Youwillfindpeacenotindenial,butinvictory.-J.DonaldWalters

...keepreadingHERE

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