friendship, love & commitment michael itagaki sociology 275, marriage and family
TRANSCRIPT
Friendship, Love & Commitment
Michael ItagakiSociology 275, Marriage and
Family
The Importance of Love Love is essential.
Love is both a feeling and an activity.
The paradox of love Perfection vs. Meaning
Love and American Families Foundation for marriage, criterion
for spousal selection. Character of love.
Love is the criterion for choosing a spouse.
Love is uncontrollable and irrational. Homogamy
The tendency to marry people much like oneself.
Friendship, Love and Commitment Friendship
Foundation for love and commitment Love
Draws people together, sustains them Commitment
Stable factors that maintain the relationship
Love and commitment are related, but can exist without the other.
Friendship, Love and Commitment Friendship and love bind us
together Best friends: similar to spouse and
lover relationships Lovers covet exclusiveness Friendship appears to be the
foundation for a strong love relationship.
Friendship, Love and Commitment Gender differences and love
Differences in number and nature of friendships
Men are more open in cross-sex friendships
Men fall in love more quickly than women
Friendship, Love and Commitment Gender exceptions: Love between
equals Peer marriage: Built on equity,
equality and deep friendship. Deep friendship
• Valuing companionship• Produces intimacy and mutual respect
Central Attributes of Love Trust Caring Honesty Friendship Respect Concern for the
other’s well-being
Loyalty Commitment Acceptance of
the other Supportiveness Wanting to be
with the other Interest in the
other
Central Attributes of Commitment Loyalty Responsibility Living up to your
word Faithfulness Trust Being there for the
other in good and bad times
Devotion Reliability Giving your
best effort Supportiveness Perseverance Concern about
the other’s well-being
Feelings Identifying Love
Rubin’s four feelings identifying love:
1. Caring for the other2. Needing the other3. Trusting the other4. Tolerating the other
Friendship, Love and Commitment Other Research on Love
Romantic love expressed by: Verbally/physically expressing affection Self disclosing Giving material/non-material evidence
In love? More positive world view
Behaviors Expressing LoveSwensen’s expressions of romantic love:1. Verbally expressing affection2. Self-disclosing, revealing intimate facts3. Offer emotional support4. Expressing nonverbal feelings
(happiness, etc…)5. Giving material evidence: gifts, favors6. Physically expressing love
Important Factors in Commitment
1. Balance of costs to benefits2. Normative inputs: Values about
love3. Structural constraints: Roles and
expectations
Observations, Research
on Commitment1. Commitments are more likely to
endure in marriage2. Commitments are more likely to
endure in heterosexual relationships3. Enduring marriage is not always a
happy one4. Overlap between love and
commitment
Wheel Theory of Love
Love develops and is maintained through four processes:
1. Rapport2. Self-revelation3. Mutual dependency4. Fulfillment of intimacy needs
Reiss’s Wheel Theory of Love
Triangular theory of love Views love as consisting of three
components: Intimacy
Ten Signs of Intimacy
1. Wanting to promote your partner’s welfare.
2. Feeling happiness with your partner.3. Holding your partner in high regard.4. Being able to count on your partner
in time of need.5. Being able to understand each other.
Ten Signs of Intimacy
6. Sharing yourself and your possessions with your partner.
7. Receiving emotional support from your partner.
8. Giving emotional support to your partner.
9. Being able to communicate with your partner about intimate things.
10. Valuing your partner’s presence in your life.
Triangular theory of love Views love as consisting of three
components: Intimacy Passion Decision/commitment
Triangular Theory of Love
Commitment, Passion, and Intimacy
Type Commitment Passion Intimacy
Liking - - +
Infatuation – + –
Empty love + – –
Romantic love – + +Companionate
love+ – +
Fatuous love + + –
Consummate love
+ + +
Attachment Theory of Love Views love as being similar in
nature to attachments we form as infants.
The attachment (love) styles of both infants and adults are: Secure Anxious/ambivalent Avoidant
Styles of Unrequited Love Cyrano style: Desire for a
relationship regardless of how hopeless. Anxious/ambivalents
Giselle style: Misperception that a relationship is likely to develop. Secure
Don Quixote style: Desire to be in love. Avoidants
Jealousy
Occurs because of a partner’s real, imagined, or likely involvement with a third person.
Most likely in committed relationships because of the presumed “specialness” of the relationship.
Fear of loss, coupled with insecurity, increases the likelihood of jealousy.