From Pain To Purpose

Unlock Your Identity And Destiny

Jennifer Donalson Baker

www.onetalepublishing.com

From Pain To Purpose

Copyright © 2011 by Jennifer Donalson Baker

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or

transmitted in any form or by any means without written

permission of the author.

Published by: One Tale Publishing. www.onetalepublishing.com

ISBN 978-09742700-5-0

Dedication

I would like to dedicate this book to my mother Annette Robin-

son. She is the most beautiful and amazing woman that I have

ever known. I am grateful to have had her in my life as a mother

and as my best friend. I will forever treasure her guidance and

encouragement.

I would like to thank her for the love that she has shown me

throughout the years, and for my strict upbringing. She can no

longer speak and is currently in a vegetative state, but I would like

her to know that I love her dearly and always will.

Acknowledgments

I would also like to thank the following individuals for their

support throughout the years:

My loving and devoted husband, Ronnie Baker, and children

Shekoiya Jackson and Arthur “AJ” Donalson, III.

Ambassador Cornelius Ponder, III

Reverend and Mrs. Willie F. Griffin

Dr. and Mrs. William Bradley

Mrs. Ophelia “Faye” Cooper Williams

Mrs. Charlene Wells-Hopkins

Ms. Tansy Houston-Edwards

Ms. Zerita Jackson-Carr

Ms. Lillie Buggs-Wilson

Mrs. Dorothy O. Wilson

Author Calvin Lewis

Mrs. Anne Horne

In memory of my deceased loved ones,

Arthur Donalson, Jr. (ex-husband)

David Addison, Sr. (father)

Arthur Robinson (brother)

Jontavious Addison (nephew)

Jelandee Drain (cousin)

Azalee Anderson (friend)

Margie Blakely (friend)

They will forever live in my heart.

Foreword

Life is unpredictable and tough. Just when you think that you've

got a hang of how it all works, it changes. All of us have bad luck

and good luck.

The man who persists through the bad luck; who keeps right

on going; is the man who is there when the good luck comes; and is

ready to receive it. Robert Collier

The deaths of my husband, father, brother, and my nephew

were all painful situations that I dealt with. My grief was exacerbat-

ed with the loss of my home to a fire where I lost all of my material

possessions; these painful situations made me utterly distraught and

I was beyond my breaking point.

The pain of losing loved ones and the life that I had come to

know forever changed causing me to sink into an abyss of despair

and depression. I had no will to live and loathed the rising of the

sun on each day that I would wake up to. Yet in the midst of my

self-loathing and emotional bankruptcy I was able to experience

God's comfort.

Table of Contents

The Depths Of Pain .......................................................................... 13

God's Pivot To Purpose ............... Error! Bookmark not defined.

The Depths Of Pain

I was born out of wedlock and raised in a single parent home. I

am the second of four children. I was raised very poor and lived in

the housing projects until age five. I was fortunate to be raised in a

Christian home by a God fearing woman who taught to me how to

pray. My prayer life is what has sustained me throughout the years,

because I have had my share of trials and tribulations. Loss is an

inevitable part of life, and dealing with a significant loss can be one

of the most difficult times in a person’s life.

I experienced different emotions while going through my trials

and tribulations. When experiencing grief it is normal to feel like

you are going crazy, to have difficulty concentrating, to feel sad and

depressed, to be irritable or angry, to feel frustrated or misunder-

stood, to feel anxiety, nervousness, and to be fearful. It is ok to feel

like you want to escape, to feel guilt and/or remorse, to be ambiva-

lent and to feel numb.

My first tragedy occurred at the age of seven when my best

friend Derrick unexpectedly and suddenly died when he jumped

from a moving truck and was killed. He was told by his grand-

mother not to leave the house, but he disobeyed her by taking a ride

on the back of a truck with family and friends. After riding for a

short period of time, he saw his grandmother pass him on the

highway and he jumped from the moving truck as an attempt to get

home before she knew that he was gone; but that was not the case.

He fell in the middle of the highway and was instantly killed. I

found out about his death at school the following day. I was

devastated and that particular incident changed my life forever. I

experienced all kinds of emotions. I was sad, angry, worried,

irritable, fearful, and often had nightmares. My mother explained

to me that death happens to all living things, that it has a cause, and

involves permanent separation. The talk that we had helped me to

understand what happened but did not ease my pain.

The loss of a pet can be devastating. My second loss took place

at the age of nine when my dog “Tiny” was poisoned. She was a

German shepherd that was given to my family by a relative from

Florida. She was my best friend. She would walk me to the bus

stop every morning and would wait

at the bus stop to walk me home in

the afternoons. She was a part of the

family and was loved by everyone

who knew her. It doesn't matter if

the pet is a mouse or a mastiff –

grief is independent of size. Animals

die for many different reasons. Some are lost due to accidents,

some in good health, while others die after a prolonged illness.

Whatever the case, grief and sadness are normal responses to loss.

She was a good dog and for the life of me, I could not understand

how anyone could intentionally hurt her. I remember questioning

my mother about this, and she asked me to never forget that this is

a mean and evil world in which we live in, and that we cannot

control what others do; we can only control what we do. She made

it very clear that my pet would not be coming back and that made it

a lot easier for me to accept a new pet.

The loss of a pet can be devastating.

I will always love Tiny and she will forever live in my heart.

I have lost my maternal and paternal grandparents. I never had

the opportunity to meet my maternal grandfather but knew my

paternal grandmother and grandfather and maternal grandmother.

My paternal grandfather died from old age at age 114, my paternal

grandmother died from a stroke. My maternal grandmother who we

called “Moh Mamie” lived with my family. She was diagnosed with

high blood pressure and an enlarged heart. I can remember the day

that she died; as if it had happened today. Less than ten minutes

prior to her dying, she grabbed my arm as I walked past her. I

turned to ask if she needed something, but she never said a word,

but looked at me and smiled. She later got out of the chair that she

was sitting in, walked to the restroom, collapsed and died. It has

been extremely hard not have had the opportunity to meet my

maternal grandfather or have a long lasting relationship with either

of my grandparents

After several years of trials and tribulation, my life changed for-

ever. I lost my husband, father, brother, nephew, my home and all

my personal belongings to a grease

fire. The pain was unbearable. I

started drinking; went through

depression; anxiety; started having

panic attacks and became suicidal.

I was married at age nineteen and

to this union one child was born. My husband joined the military

and we were married shortly after high school. We had the oppor-

Life takes a deep spiral and the pain becomes unbearable.

tunity to travel around the world and I thought we had the perfect

marriage, but after four years, the marriage ended in divorce; due to

his extra marital affairs. Shortly after the divorce, I returned to

Georgia, met a really nice gentleman, and conceived a second child

(a daughter) out of wedlock. I had a premonition about this child

several months before she was conceived. God told me that I

would give birth to a daughter and that she would be a blessing to

me in so many ways. A few months later, my daughter was con-

ceived she is everything that God said she would be; and has given

me so much joy throughout the years.

I have made a lot of bad choices with relationships, which often

caused me a lot of hardship and pain. When my daughter was three,

I remarried but the marriage ended in divorce after only nine

months. He was mentally and physically abusive, and tried to

commit suicide on one occasion.

On Christmas Eve in 1996 (when my daughter was three). I no-

tice that my daughter’s face was disfigured. She could not touch the

top of her nose or close her eyes. I took her to the doctor and was

told that she had Bell’s palsy. I was not familiar with this illness but

later found out that Bell’s palsy is one of the most common neuro-

logic disorders affecting the cranial nerves, and it is the most

common cause of facial paralysis worldwide. Bell's palsy causes

facial muscles to become temporarily paralyzed. It usually affects

just one side of the face. Symptoms appear suddenly and won’t

allow you to shut your eyes and your mouth droops. Bell palsy is

thought to account for approximately 60-75% of cases of acute

unilateral facial paralysis. I was told that my daughter would have to

undergo facial therapy which would take several months for her

face to straighten up. My family, church family and I, fasted and

prayed and her face began to straighten without therapy. In less

than six months after her diagnosis, we could not tell that she had

Bell’s palsy. I now know God as a healer.

I lost my first husband shortly after my second marriage to a

heart attack, and I was left to raise my son alone. I was angry with

my ex-husband for dying and so was my son. He became a very

bitter child, he blamed God, went through depression, began to

rebel, became very disobedient and disrespectful. He started drink-

ing and using drugs; which later resulted in him going to counseling,

drug treatment, and in and out of state facilities. My son’s behavior

is one of the hardest things that I have ever experienced.