from the work of paul axtell conversation a spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions and feelings; talk
TRANSCRIPT
From the work of Paul Axtell
Conversation
A spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions and feelings; talk.
Program ContentListen in a new wayHave meaningful conversationsFollow through on commitmentsTreat what you do as if it mattersDesign effective meetings
“Talking about tough issues in meaningful ways”
“The essence of good listening is empathy, which can be achieved only by suspending our preoccupation with ourselves and entering into the experience of the other person.” Michael Nichols
“Speaker and listener are constantly jockeying for position, one’s needs competing with the other’s. If you doubt it, try telling someone about a problem you are having and see how long it takes before he interrupts to tell you about a problem of his own or to offer advice…” Nichols
Listening• Tell me about yourself
• Tell me about your family
• Tell me about when you recently experienced making a difference
• Tell me about the neighborhood where you grew up
• Tell me about a current project you are excited about
Conversation Relationship
Can we treat it like it matters?
What value would that have?
Conversation MattersMaybe it’s all we’ve gotOur culture tells us it doesn’t matter
(actions speak louder than words?)Context… & Coke spillsTaking people for grantedOur desire for comfort limits our
conversations
Our future is defined by our conversations today
Complete Communication
1. You say it
2. I get it
3. You get it that I got it
If you leave out #3, they will crank up the drama
To every conversation….
Set up
Process/content
Closure
Working with Problems
Normal Context = Problems are Bad!DenialShift of blameOh _____!What is wrong with me? You? It?If I try harder, it will turn out
Same Problem/Different Context
OK good, we’ve got a problem!Now, what is true?Its OK for problems to be brought forwardBarrier becomes challengeStrategic thinking possible
What’s So? So What? Now What?
Complaint Management
Context - person complaining is awesome!
Just hear itBehind every
complaint…View optionsPeel the onion
More on ComplaintsKeep asking…What else?Check for completion
80% are solved by listeningWhat do you see you can do about that?Look at options with complainerDrive conversation to commitmentPush them to action
What is the value of this?
So, they have shared the concerns/complaintsThey have been heard, appreciatedGuided toward appropriate actionThey feel respected, valued
Results Well-being
MeetingsContextThis meeting
mattersMy participation
mattersThis is my meeting
even if I am not leading it
MeetingsGround rules:Meta
conversationsClear intentAdvantage of
public decisionsAsk people to
take on a future they are not sure they can produce
Decision making:
70% want it 30% can live with it If person can’t live
with it, they have responsibility for finding alternative direction
X by Y OK to not get all the
way there today
Key Design FeaturesWhat do we want to produce - if you don’t
know, askWhere are they, coming into the meeting?How do we want the meeting to go?What issues or concerns do they have about
this topic?Consensus –70/30Watch out for - calling one when there are
options; drifting
Leaders guideManage the conversationClarity about the topic and outcomeOne conversation at a timeAll conversations taken to completionClear transitionsEveryone listening and paying
attentionEveryone taken care of throughout the
conversation
Conversational movesThank you. I appreciate being told. Can we
set up a time to discuss this?Where are you with this?It seems you have an issue with ___. Have
you spoken with her?This is what I got from speaking with you.What else?By when will you do that?
Taking Care of People
Use their nameThank themGive them creditBuild on what they
sayDon’t resist themSpeak to them on
breaks, before and after
Ask for their views
Avoid distracting behavior
Check back with themInvite them into the
conversationCredit them with
changing your thinking
Welcome and introduce new members
AcknowledgementPeople want to make a difference and they
want to be told they do.What do I tell others about someone but
never tell them?What do I really appreciate about the people
I work withWhat recent results, accomplishments
should we be proud of?
Acknowledgement
I like what you have
I like what you do
I like who you are...
A final word on context
You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people, than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
Dale Carnegie