Gender & Gender & FamilyFamily

CommunicationCommunication

COMMUN-I-CATIONCOMM-U-NICATION

Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say.

Communication Is More Than “JUST TALKING”

VERBALS

VISUALS

Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say.

The Three V’s OfCommunication

VOCALS1 2 3

“I Am Going To The Mall.”

“I Am Going To The Mall.”

“I Am Going To The Mall.”

“I Am Going To The Mall.”

“I Am Going To The Mall.”

Communication is . . . . the process of sharing yourself verbally and nonverbally with another person in such a way that both of you understand and accept what you say.

What he wants to get acrossWhat he actually says

What she actually hearsWhat she thinks she

heardWhat she says she heardWhat he thinks about what she said

she heard

“Just Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say”

REPORTREPORTSTATUSSTATUSINDEPENDENTINDEPENDENTRESOLVERSRESOLVERSCONDENSERSCONDENSERSFACTS FOCUSFACTS FOCUS

Cross-Gender Communication:

Venus and Mars?

RAPPORTRAPPORTCONNECTIONSCONNECTIONS

INTERDEPENDENTINTERDEPENDENTEXPRESSERSEXPRESSERSEXPANDERSEXPANDERS

FEELINGS FOCUSFEELINGS FOCUS

OUTCOMES & GOALSUnderstanding Man-Talk

Issues:“Men Don’t

Listen”“Men Don’t Talk”

“Men Don’t Express Their

Feelings”

We Socialize Boys To Focus On We Socialize Boys To Focus On Outcomes and Goals:Outcomes and Goals:

•Boys/Men Score In Games With Non-Negotiable Boys/Men Score In Games With Non-Negotiable RulesRules•Boys/Men Are Capable, Powerful, and Don’t Boys/Men Are Capable, Powerful, and Don’t Need HelpNeed Help•Boys/Men Build and Fix ThingsBoys/Men Build and Fix Things

OUTCOMES & GOALSUnderstanding Man-Talk

Issues:“Men Don’t

Listen”“Men Don’t Talk”

“Men Don’t Express Their

Feelings”

Men learn that problems are expressed ONLY when you can’t solve them yourself.

He hears a NEED and offers a He hears a NEED and offers a SOLUTION!SOLUTION!

He reserves his talking for when he has He reserves his talking for when he has figured things out and “knows” he’s figured things out and “knows” he’s

right.right.

Men have caveman moments and Men have caveman moments and should let their partners know: “I’ll be should let their partners know: “I’ll be

back”. back”.

Men DO talk. In fact, they talk more than women do. It’s how and when they talk

that’s different.

Men learn not to express the “weakness” emotions publicly: fear, sadness, stress,

sensitivity.

PROCESS & RELATIONSHIP

Understanding Woman-TalkWe Socialize Girls To Focus On

“The Process” and Relationships:•Girls/Women Nurture and Care For Things•Girls/Women Learn That Strong Interactions and Relationships Are The Key To Problem Solving•Girls/Women Play Games In Which The Big Picture Is More Important Than The Details.

Issues:“Women Want To

Control Men”“Women Talk Too

Much”“Women Are Too

Emotional”

Some “criticism” is about nurturing and trying to make men “be better”, “do

better”, “feel better”.She is trying to communicate concern, She is trying to communicate concern,

interest, and ownership to equals interest, and ownership to equals He hears a lack of faith in his ability He hears a lack of faith in his ability

and lack of acceptance of him.and lack of acceptance of him.When nurturing becomes nagging.When nurturing becomes nagging.

PROCESS & RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding Woman-

TalkIssues:“Women Want To

Control Men”“Women Talk Too

Much”“Women Are Too

Emotional”

When she’s stressed, she wants to talk about it

Her answers come by talking them out, Her answers come by talking them out, not thinking them out.not thinking them out.

Women are expanders and men are Women are expanders and men are condensers.condensers.

This requires men to This requires men to listenlisten and not just and not just hearhear. Listening takes practice.. Listening takes practice.

We all think 5 times faster than we We all think 5 times faster than we talk. Dangers? Running ahead, talk. Dangers? Running ahead,

wandering off, jumping in, brushing wandering off, jumping in, brushing away, and blocking outaway, and blocking out

PROCESS & RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding Woman-

TalkIssues:“Women Want To

Control Men”“Women Talk Too

Much”“Women Are Too

Emotional”

Because women are encouraged to see things in broad strokes and big pictures, they also talk in superlatives, metaphors,

and overgeneralizations.He believes she’s really experiencing He believes she’s really experiencing this level of hopelessness.this level of hopelessness.

Precision in questions asked and Precision in questions asked and statements made.statements made.

Gunnysacking.Gunnysacking.Differences In Frame Of ReferenceDifferences In Frame Of Reference

PROCESS & RELATIONSHIPUnderstanding Woman-

TalkIssues:“Women Want To

Control Men”“Women Talk Too

Much”“Women Are Too

Emotional”“Never”

“Everyone”

“Anything”

“Everything”

“Always”“No One”

“Nothing”“Every time”

InflectionsUse Of High-Rising Tones In Declarative StatementsUse Of High-Rising Tones In Declarative Statements

Tag QuestionsQuestions Added To The End Of Declarative StatementsQuestions Added To The End Of Declarative Statements

Discourse ParticlesSegmentation Markers and Hesitation MarkersSegmentation Markers and Hesitation Markers

Shift MechanismsConjunctions (“However”) and Interjections (“Listen”)Conjunctions (“However”) and Interjections (“Listen”)

Hedge Words (e.g., “maybe”, “perhaps” “sort of”)

Politeness And Rapport Markers (e.g., “Would you mind?”)

Vocal DifferencesIn Men-Talk & Women-Talk