GENDERED COMMUNICATION GENDERED COMMUNICATION PRACTICESPRACTICES

“Communication between men and women can be like cross cultural communication, prey to a clash of conversational styles” Deborah Tannen (1990)

WOMEN’SWOMEN’SSPEECHSPEECH

For Most Women Communication is:

to establish and maintain relationships

conversation is for sharing and learning about others

Talk is the essence of relationships

EQUALITY

Equality between people is generally important

try and achieve symmetry often match experiences

– “you’re not alone in how you feel

– “I’ve done the same thing many times”

respond and build on each other’s ideas– Rather than “you-tell-your-idea-

then-I’ll-tell-mine,” voices weave together to create conversations.

SHOWING SUPPORTSHOWING SUPPORT

Often express understanding & Sympathy– “Oh, you must feel terrible”– “I think you did the right thing”– “I really hear what you are saying”

RELATIONSHIP LEVEL

Focus on feelings Focus on relationship between communicators

rather than content often probe to understand feelings

– “Tell me about what happened?”– “How did you feel when it occurred?”

– “Do you think it was deliberate?” Content is dealt with but also feelings involved.

CONVERSATION MAINTENANCE Women’s style is conversational maintenance work efforts to sustain talk often initiate topics for others

– “How was your day”– “Tell me about your meeting”– “Did anything interesting happen on your trip”

INCLUSIVITY

RESPONSIVENESS usually respond in some

fashion verbally and nonverbally

more engaged make other feel valued

and included

PERSONAL, CONCRETE STYLE Typical of women's

conversation are personal

disclosures details anecdotes concrete reasoning

TENTATIVENESS

Verbal Hedges• “I kind of feel you may be

overreacting”

Qualifiers• “I’m not the best judge of

this, but...”

Keep Talk Provisional, Tag questions that invite response

• “That was a pretty good movie, wasn’t it?”

• “We should get out this weekend, don’t you think?”

MEN’S SPEECHMEN’S SPEECH Goal of talk is

exerting control, preserving independence, and enhancing status.

Conversation is the arena for proving oneself & negotiating prestige.

Men’s Speech General Tendencies Use talk to establish and

defend personal status and ideas

When comforting, they do so by respecting others independence and avoiding condescending

SHOW KNOWLEDGE, SKILL, OR ABILITY Avoid disclosing

personal information that might appear weak or vulnerable

• e.g., someone expresses concern about a relationship with a boyfriend

– “The way you should handle that is...”

– “Don’t let him get to you.”– “You ought to tell him....”

ADVICE Tendency to

give ADVICE Instrumental -

not feeling, but rather what you should do

Superiority - Maintain control

Men see as “give and take,” Women as lack of concern

INSTRUMENTALITY

Instrumentality - The use of talk to accomplish instrumental objectives

Men socialized to do things, achieve goals

In talk this is expressed as problem-solving, getting information, facts, suggesting solutions

This focus on content works between men

Show support in ways learned to do so - solve the problem.

CONVERSATIONAL DOMINANCE Men tend to

dominate conversations - talk more than women

Talk more frequently

For longer duration

Select topic of talk

Interrupt more Men interrupt to control conversationWomen interrupt to show interest, affirm

ABSOLUTE, ASSERTIVE TALK

– Language tends to forceful, direct, authoritative

– Less use of hedges and disclaimers

ABSTRACTTALK

Speak in general terms Fewer concrete

experiences

More distanced from personal feelings

Works best in Public situation where theoretical & conceptual, talk is appropriate

LESS RESPONSIVE More “minimal

response cues” Less sympathy

and self-disclosure

• Sympathy seen as sign of condescension

• Personal problems seen as vulnerability

Talking about Troubles Woman disappointed in not

getting job– Man says, “You shouldn’t feel

bad. Lots of people don’t get jobs they want”

• She thinks, he belittles her experience

• He thinks, he is showing respect by bolstering her independence

Talking about Troubles, Cont. Man disappointed is not getting job

– Woman says, “Are you okay” What’s bothering you?”

• He thinks this points out his vulnerability• She probes to show she cares

RELATIONSHIP TALK WOMEN It’s going fine

if there is talk Talk is a

process to sustain relationship

Talk is a way to show closeness– “We need to

talk,” to affirm our caring

MEN It’s going fine

if there is no need to talk

Talk is to solve problems

Talk indicate a problem– Duck when

she say, “we need to talk”

GENDERQUESTIONNAIRE

Men talk more than women. T/F T Men are more likely to interrupt women than they are

to interrupt other men. T Women tend to confront problems more directly and

are likely to bring up the problem first. T

Questionnaire, cont.

During conversation men spend more time looking at their partner than women do.

F Women are more alert to nonverbal cues than men are. T Groups that use the male style of sticking to the task get more work

done. F In general men and women talk about the same things. F Women use less personal space than men do. T When a man speaks, he is listened to more carefully than a

woman, even if the presentation is identical. T

Questionnaire, cont.

In general women speak in a more tentative style than men do. T Women are more likely than men to disclose personal

information. T In general men smile more often than women. F Women are more likely than men to answer questions that are

not addressed to them. F Women and men are equally emotional when they speak. T Men appreciate jokes more than women. T

THE ENDBased on Julia Wood’s book Gendered Lives