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George R/3lason University SPECWL ~LLECTIONS AN3 ARCHIVES, FEXWICK LIBRARY, (703)323-2251

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'S 3 7 5(,) Sketch No . l - - - - - - -Street - corner ----I ! l o l l a t 1.amp post Scene 1,

"OLL ( A t lemp p o s t )

I ' m checkin home now, call It P night, bo in up t o m y room, t u rn on the l i gh t . Jesus turn off t h e t l l g h t , I a i n h in S t e e l t o m long. I work two days a week; The o t h e r f i v e my efforts ain' t r e q u i r e d . For two days o u t of seven Two d o l ? - b i l l s I @ m given,

f o r on t h o s e f i v e days It s n i c e t o e a t , Sesus, Jesus who said let's e a t ?

o I ' m J u s t seorchln alone t h e s t r e e t

( E n t e r Geht)

GEIJT He l l o baby.

r s VLL HE110 blg boy,

' OLL N o t s o v e r y .

GEI<JT I ' d 1i le to give you a hundred bucks, %t I cnly got t h i r t y c e n t s ,

1"LL SRY, wculd yo11 wait til.1 1 catch my hre:qth, O n a c w n t oflit 's so immenae. Make tt a dollar,

GEM' Hgnestkid, nix, t h a t % all I got t h i r g y c e n t s ,

!TOLL Go on, make I t eighty.

GEIJT T h i r t y cents .

3OLL SeventFf ive.

GENT I said t h i r y t .

Come on, big boy, don' t be th2-t way. Half a buck?

GEIJT L i s t e n you, I s a i d what I mean - t h i r t y cents Get me?

What's the Idea , - hey, leggo my arm. (She t : .kediis R r m )

UOLL c

L i s t e n , b i g boy, I'll be nice , come on b i g boy, don't be a BLIP, come on and l i s t e n mister , p l e a s e - n m you know - I wouldn't - mister -

GENT Leggo my arm - yah - I know - lay off a13 the sob stl.iff I )

t r y t o - rush m e huh 3 - Cheese it a d i c k .

DICK YQ1e.t'~ goin on h e r e ?

r?oLL 0 nothin .

DICK 0 yeah? Nothin huh?

GEf! T Nothing o f f i c e r , nothing at a l l . We ma6 dust trr lk in.

D I C K T a l k i n huh? - Heard you zi mile away. f lasher , huh?

GEMT Now l ook h e r e o f f i c e r -

DICK Sl ip us yoiir d.ough, q u i c k

(Gent p u l l 8 nut b i l l , hmds it over) Oalry, m e l t .

( G e n t exits)

GENT Melt. .. . ? ... Oh, mezt -

( E x i t )

r.7 OLL He w a g k i n d a - annoyin me,

c DICK

Yeah?

H e l l o . Dick t d k l n - Wassat? Yea., I ' l l s t i c k RrmmX, I know t h e r e ' s a , i n l t no newg I n t h i s berg - I said I d s t i c k around What? Yea., go6 a little nmmber - naw, b r u n e t t e . You c a l l me if you need me huh? I won't be f a r .

(Goes to t e l p h o n e D t p o s t )

a union d r i v e t o n & h t , - u n i o n t r o u b l e

FOLL Whatsa t r o u b l e t o n i g h t ? Where' e everybod-y?

DICK All down I n front o f union heedquarters I p ~ e o s . Bjg union d r i v e t o n i g h t . J u s t y o u r luck I happened t o b e around- here .

MOLL Yeah? Wel l

I t h i n k maybe I'll go down and ~ e e the f un . (Edging m a y )

DICK Wait a minute t h e r e . Your k l n d a cute, s8.y Ehere you been a l l these y e p r s , I g u e s s some private hust l ln buys you you ' re b e e r s , Come on and s m i l e now, s i s te r .

W L L Say, you got m e wrong.

DICK Yeh, you speak n i c e r t o me, 1% an e a s y t a l k o . t i v e one w i t h t h e g i r l s . B u t I a in ' t so p l e n s a n t when I get mad. P?OW t h e n , c o w on b e c h e e r f u l , l e t ' s canthe gloom, Horn about a l i t t l e earful up i n yoi ir room.

T "LL I mighta known t h a t W R S comin. Ya.. . "hy you're no b e t t e r t h a n that two bit clod Maybe you're p a r t o f t h e new v i d e equad,

Howdya g u e s s i t baby?

SO t h e t ' s t h e way you w o r k i t , now I s e e . A Romeo t h a t ' s on t h e make. Try t o throw a 1 i t : l e . e c a r e i n me. Becai-me I n e e d 8 bre8.k t o make a l i v k n , What t h e h e l l do you c a r e whet I do? As l o n g as you get wh8t I ' m g l v l n A i n ' t it n i c e knowin t h a t you g o t me c9ming and goin .

DICK - -,.-?

T*@LL

DICK Hey, I b n ' t getcha You don' t m n n 8 go with me.. . . 'Yell , vrhattsa matter with me.

MOLL Don't g e t me wrong, I ' v e loved you a l l along, Yes indeed, you ' re j u s t my s ty l e All the g l r l s go c r a z y at y o u r c a l l You've got t h a t c e r t a i n s m i l e t h a t makes 'ern fall Come on you l ug , go put me I n - t h e jug You think you're wise, you thirik you own me I 11 show YOU guys -

(Phone r i n z p ) Y

DICK Hellp-yeh. Vhet 's up? Squrtre i n f r o n t of U n i m Hendquartere? Who phoned i n ? V i r g i l ; go on sight of' em ----what are t h e y , s t r I k e r a ? - - - l i s t e n i n tg a speech, 1s t h e t all? You Virg i l - Wal.. . . . t a m i n u t e here he corneg nom.

(Hang8 UP)

LIBERTY COMMITTEE But o f f l c e r - Yo11 c a n ' t arrest u s - Do we lonk l i k e Union Organizere?

Do me look l i k e s t e e l - norkere? It W R S t h p t -

COP Ytu're under arrest !----I said, you ' re under arrest!

LIqEBLTY CO?.Q.!ITTEE Why we were sent Yhy Mister h,lTistPr - This i s r i c h , t h i s i s s t a g g e r i n g , I never h e a r d - That man who was making the apeech, it was ?him yo11 were nupposed t g -

COP Then nhat 'd you manna run for?

So t h i s i s the crew.

( P r o d )

DICK

COP

Nice job, huh3 E i g h t of tern c o u n t 'em. What you got t h e r e Dick?

Just l i k e t h a t , wasn't o u t f i v e rn in l i tea ,

DICK L i t t l e h u s t l e r . We can take 'ern a l l i n together.

COP Su i t s me - only t h e s e a r e mine.

PPCe! 5 Sketch 1.

LIBERTY C 0F.U.l I T TEE Together? Us? With tha t - with her? But do you know - Do you realize, man - Oh, you f o o l you f o o l ! YOU!

COP 0, callin' m e names now!

LIBERTY COIVITTGE Go right ahead. We o n l y happen t o be t h e newly-formed Liberty Committee t h a t you're arresting.-

PI;Xrnsrx COP

What's at?

LIBERTY COMflITTEE You n e v e r %rd o f the Liberty Committee? R i d you e v e r hear of t h e Daughter6 o f t h e h e r i can Revolut ion?

COP You a i n ' t one of 'ern ere you? Hey, d i d y o u say revolution? K knew it! Come on!

RLACXOUT

c

(NIGHT COURT - WWRY DRUGGIST STTS ALONE)

DRUGGI S T G p h it's c o l d i n h e r e - You don't have ft h e a t e d l i k e You d i d l a s t Thursday.

CLERK N e l l , when you g e t brought I n n e x t ThlirsdPy, IAll See you g e t EI c o z y fire and a f u r - l i n e d rocking-c!io.ir Would you like $hat?

DPUGGIST It% nothing , only I am a f l t t l e c h i l l y - you ' re kidding me.

CLERK I P

. ( E n t e r w i t h cmmotion : - 'fck & b l d 1 f o l l o w e d by cop bringing i n Rev. S P l v D t i o n ,

Editor D e l l y , YmhP, Dauber, President P r e x y , P r o f e s s o r &.mie, Professor T r l x i e , D r l S p e c i d i s t )

(h lo l l f i m b E se8-t next t o Druggis t ) . .*. DAUBER

H u r r y up and telephone to Mieter Mister, To hurry up and come to t h e rescue.

C H O W S H u w y up and telephone t o Mr. M i s t e r To hurry up andborne t o the r e s c u e ,

DA IlJY Herr-y up and. telephone to MI-. M i s t e r , To h u r r y up m d come to the r e s cue , l 'hls I s qui te an o u t r a g e , To be a r r e s t e d th i s nay.

PROF. MAMIE This I s q u i t e i n d e c e n t , They d o n ' t know who we w e .

CHORUS Phone t o Mr. M i s t e r . To come and bail u s a l l o u t ,

COP Ctxt o u t t h e remarks now, You'll do your t a l k i n l a t e r ,

DAU BE!? Think of what my p e o p l e Bould t h i n k if they could see me,

YASHA TQink o f whet my p u b l i c , Would t h i n k if they could s e e me,

Page Q Elketch 2.

PROF TRIXIE You know M r , M i s t e r , H e ' l l come and ba.i l ua a l l out?

CHORK3 'Phone to Mr. l J i s t e r , To come and b a i l us o u t ,

YOLL GFe, but they make a l o t t a noise I m kinda s c a r e d .

DRUGGIST There'a n o t h i n g t o b e f r i g h t e n e d at, T e l l me, what a r e you i n f o r ?

r 9 OIL S o l i c i t i n , I g u e s s . B u t r e a l l y becavse t h a t f l a t f o o t couldn ' t make me sry yes, Gee, do you know t h e o t h e r s here? They vouldn' t t a l k t o me. I can ' s e e thT4.t I a i n ' t in t h e i r class And s a y , that goes #or y ~ u , too.

DRUGGI S T I m u s t admit t h e y ' r e new to The p l a c e , but t h e i r faces ShouXB be seen more o f t e n i n t h l s p l a c e , Just l i k e mine : Yes and sonetlimes t w i c e a week, Vagrancy i t ' s ca l led , I guess t h a t ' s me.

I g e t a r r e s t e d every week,

p.?OLL A c r a z y l i f e , I ' d f i n d i t .

DRI YGCr I S T V e l l , rec l l ly I don't mind i t , I l i k e t h e compmy It's l o n e l y liboking where my drugstore used t o be.

PREXY We' re t h e most r e s p e c t a b l e families In t h e city, V e t r e S t e e l t o w n ' s Lfber ty Committee,

YASHA We're against t h e union! We're against t h e d r i v e !

Hey, Virgil, t e l l me now What i t ' s a l l about t o n i g h t . ?

' .

c*-Y DICK T

EOP WF.ha1 I t o l d you at Union Headquaaters, Thnt s about all t o n i g h t . Mr. M l a t e r sent i n ord~rs, A r r e s t everybody f o r m i n a crowd A fella s t a r t e d @kin a speech? I pulled i n all t h e guys I c o u l d reach.

PROF , I!IA?IIE B u t we were t h e r e to s t o p t h y man mho was rqaking the spech! He's a red, one o f t h o s e a.&itators! Wt3 wanted yo11 to a r r e s t him.

EDITOR DAILY& Pfhy I drew up t h e manlfeeto! 1 1 ~ t e e l t o n n i s c l e a n , S t e e l t o w n ' s a r e d t m n : We don' t w a n t a union i n S t e e l t o w n H

YASHA But the o t h e r one was mine: % n e r I c e , CrEidle o f LibePty: S t e e l t o w n , Cradle of t h e L i b e r t y Committee".

PROF IIAMXE I ' m the s e c r e t a r y .

DR. SIPECIALIST I ' m the chairman, and Mr. Mister's personal doctor.

DAVBER I'm h i s daughter B A r t I n s t r u c t o r .

CII OR1'S WEbre Mister Mieter's Libefrty Commlttee,

DICK I hope you ain't made a bad break; They're a klnda r e f i n e d l o o k i n g bunch you knov.

COP hlaybe I maae a m i s t a k e ; I g o t my o r d e r s , th&s al.1 I k n m .

DRUGGIST That's why t h e y ' r e Ir~f1;x all in here t h e n , The cop g o t h i s signals mixed Shall. I tell you 8 secret, \lletre I n the same old trrrde a s you.

F:OLL, YOU mean you're a l l s o l i c i t i n ?

c

DRUGGIST Not q u i t e but so t o ~~3.17, They won't buy our mik white bodies So we klnda sell out in eome o t h e r t7ay - t o Mister M i s t e r ,

P a p ? 9 Sketch 2

?!OLL Who I s t h i s M!.lister Mister?

DRUGGIST B e t t e r as% me who h e ' s not He owns s t e e l and everything e lse t o o . Becmtse o f him my son Was killed e i x months ago,., Now h e ' l l come and. b a i l them o u t ,

YOLL Say, would he b a i l US out too?

DRUGGIST I don't know, 1% drunk,

REV. SALVATION I vonder if I hadn't b e t t e r phone ?rl1ssus r J i s t e r ? I know h e r 80 much b e t t e r than I know Mister PT i s tw ,

TDITOR D A I L Y I'm afraid Mister !dieter's got his handx flu11 t o n i g h t .

PROFS. TIAVIE AND T R I X I E W i l l I t keep hid) f r o m coming h e r e ? W i l l i t ?

EDITOR D A I L Y That d r i v e t o n i g h t --- He's going crazy t r y i n g t o k i l l i t ,

DAUi3TR Officer, O f f i c e r , where% the man who rnF-de t h e speech?

CHORUS Yes, where's t h e rnm who made tk speech?

PREXY

Dfi- I LY We're i n h e r e - But where% he?

CHORUS Yfl~ere's the m8n who mRde the speech?

COP A l r i g h t , t ake tt easy, me & o t him, don't g r t sore, He ' l l be h e r e , t h e boys are given him a l l t t l e cror?kout next d o o r b

Anybody nAn t t o j o i n him?

Pnye 10 CHORUS S!retch 2

0 VrhEit a f l l t b y n f g h t c o u r t , P l a c e f o r common tramps and bums, Don't they know n i c e people when t h e y a e e t hem? We p r o s e c u t e d e f e n d a n t s : i t% n o t our place t o he t hem! So Mr. M i e t e r p l e a s e have p i t y Come $sa B R V ~ your p e t cornlrllttee from d ~ s a . s t e r . . . Where e t h e Judge? Where's t h e Judge? We w a n t t h e Judge!

CLTRK Order i n t h e courtroqm! Order i n t h e courtroom! The Judge will b e h e r e s h o r t l y . I n t h e memtime 1'13- t a k e down t h e namee. F i r s t cqse; name?

REV SALVATIOH I am Reverend B a l v a t i o n , . .I wear t h e h o l y c l o t h . My name i s known t o a l l Godfenring p e o p l e i n S t e e l t o m , . The L i b e r t y Committee h a s been formed by u s t o combat communism I n dtee l town a n t o uphold t h e C o n e t l t u t i s n .

CLVAK A l r i g h t , a l r i g h t . Charge?

COP Well, I had o r d e r s - l o i t e r i n I guesa - or maybe o b s t r u c t i n t r a f f i c , -

RREV , SALVATION THis I s p r e p o s t e r o u e : t h e o f f i c e r h m made a dread-ful m i s t a k e I I n s i s t t h e t it be put i n t h e rec0rd.Q

DRUGGIST So they g o t old man Salva . t lon I n t h e n1ghtcQur-t a t last. you know what t h e c h a r g e ought t o be? s i n c e 1915,"

Bo "cconfirrneil))rostitute

( M I S S I O f J . . . .F.IRS TrIST?I AND REV. SALVATION )

W V . SAdLVATION My dear Maaeus h f i e t e r ,

Fyy? 11 Sketch 3

TfRS MISTER Reverend S a l v b t l o n , how are you? It's been weeks, I wanted to meet you and t o greet you: I ' m a stray lrrmb, t o o . And I've brought along our monthly preeehb,

(Hmds him m v e l o p e ) But one t h i n g ' s not eo p l e a s a n t . F a t h e r d e a r , I fear b

That t h i n g s c m n o t c o n t i n u e f o r e v e r .

Hard times, I can a e m r e you, Herd t!mes, p o o r us and poor you, Hard times, a t h e r , what can me do, i h e market h m n ' t been ideal : We have t o aell our s t e e l To French o r Engl leh o r GermaR, Though t h e latter m e vermin: F a t h p r , plerrse, i n your sermon Bunday I rely upon y o u t o I m p l o r e t h a t we atay out of t h e vwr.

r i

REVEREND SALVATION #:bunt 8 plilpi t )

Thou s h a l t not ki3.1. , , , so saith tt i n t h e B i b l e . so must It be. Thou shalt n o t kill, P e a c e 3n e a r t h topre.rd6 men good w i l l Noth ing b u t good w i l l As y o u r shepherd. I I m p l o r e , Turn from thoughts of wlcked war, War n e do adhor, Women, s 8 v e your husbands, sms and s n w t h e a r t q , Men, b e r e s o l u t e , r e f u g e , r e f v s e t o &hoot. O r i n t o t h e Loathsome frP.y we'll be tossed., E v e r y t h i n g be l o e t : 0, peace a t any c o s t ,

9!CVEREl JT) SALVAT I ON C o l l e t ? t i o n .

(Ths n e x t year, 1916) (Druggidt ls v o i c e ) (sa lva t ion s t e p s o f f p u l p i t )

l!mS MISTER Reverend S a l v a t i o n , I'm worr ied Things a r e n o t proceddine; no nice ly , O r p r e c i s e l y i n t h e way they should. And m y husband, M i s t e r rnlster, said t t ' s something about bank credits. F a t h e r dear , they fear F o r s t e e l , and oil and rubber.

r

':RS li$BTER (CONT . ) Ppze 12 S k e t c h 3

€40 we muet s e t t h e town r i g h t .

P l e a s e don ' t be q u i t e so downright . Simply ~ n s w e r b o t h yes m d no. It's t r u e yo11'vc prenched so milch f o r Deace. 3v.t now It seems t h e t peace m y be 9 l i t t l e expmsl.vc Just res t re in y m r i n t e n s i v e a r d e r You m1p;ht mention t h n t you do d e p l o r ? The German side o f t h e mar.

(Hands h i m envelope)

REVEREND SALVATION ( hfoun t s pulp i t )

Thou s h a l t n o t - urn . . . . . R i g h t e o u s n e s s c o n q v e r s , i n i q u l t p p e r i s h e s , Peoce i s a wonderful t h l n g . But when I say pepce, I ' m r e f e r r i n g t o i n n e r pes-ce, Le t I I t h e r e be no m i e c o n c e ~ t l o n l h e peace you remehber which p a s s e t h beyond u n d e r s t a n d i n g , Ve must r e m e m b e r o u r honor , And the v a l o r and pr ide which I s oiirs t o c h e r i s h and u s e . Knowing weEl t h a t peace without honor 110 good American sholt ld excuee. Surely I need n o t rernirld you O f t h e war mhdch i s eimp3.y d r e a d f u l f o r eve ryone . T h c r p we t a k e no s i d e s , Still we knDw mho defends sweet p e a c e from t h e ,Savage Him.

CHORUS Amen .

REVEREND SALVATION

( D r u g q i s t ' a V o i c e . . . But I n 1917) Coll. e c t i o n .

VRS .MISTER Reverend Bcrlvat ion! News! F r o n t Page news! Headline news! Strictly, mind, c m f i d e n t i a l news! Hut m c h news! Ha! My husband's Just g o t back f r m a c o n f e r e n c e . And h e says i t ' s t h e o n l y m y t o rcJcoup our profjt?, It's a l l f i x e d , ~ n d everything'e ready f o r t h e f i r s t @juris!

War! War! Kill a l l t h e d i r t y Huns! War! War! K i l l . all t h e dqrty Huns! War! War! We're e n t e r i n g the aar! h'or h'lJster M i s t e r ' s ghonn the P r e s i d e n t how thin!;.: a r e Engladd has simply been a d a r l i n g ! Eyes r i g h t ! Think o f t h e rallies! Eyes l e f t ! Eyes f ront ! Stgel's going ho go up skyhigb! All you clergynlen must nom p r e p a r e a s p e c i a l p r a y e r And do your s h a r e ! 0 y e s - your s h a r e .

I ' m g o i n g t o Knit @ocks!

(Hands envelope t o him)

RYVERGI! D SBLVATION (Mounts p u l p i t )

Thou csha.lt - Page 13

FJkebch 3

BOTH Wer! War! K i l l a l l t h e dirty Huns! And those *u8trimgariana \1"Jar! War! We're e n t e r i n g t h e war! The L i i s i t a n I d s a n unpaid d e b t , Remember Tr9y Remenlber L a f a y e t t e , Remember t h e Alamo! Remember those lnrlocent irnborn babies! Uonl t l e t Gec>rge do it, yoti d-o it, make t h e world b f e f o r democracy. Maek t#e w o r l d s a f e f o r L i b e r t y Make t h e world safe f o r S t e e l m d t h e Mister F a n l j l y -

Remember our wornmhood!

RET~FIE31JD SALVATIOIJ Of coume i t ' s peace we're for - l h i s I s War to end a l l war. r i

VRS . I\IIST!:R I can see the market rieing l i k e 9. beaut i ful- bird.

RTVKRElJD SALVATION C g l l e c t i o n !

BLACKOUT

(FLASHBACK TO HIGInCOvRT)

CU3Ei.K Order in the courtroom! Order in the courtroom! Mext case: name?

I .

Page 13

EDITOR DAILY I am E d i t o r Dcdly o f the S t e e l t o w n News.

CLERK Charge :

COP b

Uh! What have I got these people f o r - Loiterin ' o b s t r m n ' t r a f f i c .

The scme - I guess you know about these things - - DRUGGIST

Change t h a t to read "Procurer, also known os Pimp" To Mister Mister - to Junior Mister - to Sister Mister -

( FADEOUT)

-.. . - . . . , . * . : , Cin?Y. F :'c Ti

i .

"~'f Sketch 4

(HAl?!tIOCK - tJUNIOR AND S I STER I4I STm DISCOVERi3l-l)

JUNIOR Croon, croon till it hurts baby, Croon, my heart asserts baby, Croonin in spurts baby Is jus t the nerts for a tune.

s 1 s m W a i t a minute, Junior Spoon, i n a canoe baby, Spoon, one built for two baby, Just you and me baby, I c m , cantoe baby, spoon?

JUNIOR 0, the crooner's l i f e is a baessed one, He makes the population happy For when a l l one's debts have distressed one -

SISTER 0 to spoon is grand i n the June day sun, You spoon nnd spoon and never get tired. But i t ' s nicer a t night than i n the noonday sun, Cnuse then you're Gary Cooper, and I ' m Jean Harlow -

JUNIOR Just croon, even the poor are not immune; If they're without a suit, They shouldn't give a hoot, When they can substitute -

SI STEEL You say you'l'e wearing out? Thqt's a f ine turnabout! Listen, you ex-Boy Scout -

JUllI OR When they can substitute - croon.

SISTER Spoon.

(Enter Mr. Mister and Editor D a i l y )

MR. MISTER Do we disturb you two unduly? I have business with Editor Daily

JUNIOR 0 , I was going anywgy, t o see if my flannel pants Were dir t ied up enough t o be i n s ty le f o r tonight's dance,

SISTER And I got a date, with a fig. G e t it?

(They exit )

mm. MISTER The children are rather witty.. , I have called you here f a i r l y enrly. 11y dear Editor Daily Because I have something on my mind,

1 ' Sketch 4

c-4

h

EDITOR DAILY A l l my g i f t a t prose'll Be at your disposal, Mister Glister, you've been very kind.

FlISTER MISTER I bel ieve newspapers Are great mental shapers hly s t e e l industry is dependent on them really.

EDITOR DAILY Just you c a l l the News. And we'll print a l l t h e news, From coast to coast , and from cborder t o border.

NR. MISTER Yes, but some news - can be made t o order,

BOTH 0 the press, the press, the freedom o f the press. They' l l never take away the freedom o f the press, Vie must be f r e e to say whatever's on our chest - With a hey-diddle-dee and a ho-nonny-no For whichever side w i l l pay the best

MR. MISTER I should like a ser ies on young Larry Foreman. Who goes around stormin' and organlzin' unions

EDITOFt DAILY Yes , we've he:wd o f him, I n fac t , good word of him. He seems quite popular w i t h workingmen.

PTR. MISTER Find out who he drinks w i t h and talks with and sleeps with, And look up his past till a t last you've g o t it o n him.

EDITOR DAILY But the man i s so fb11 o f f i gh t , he's simply dynamite, Why it would take an army t o tame him.

hlR, MISTEZ Then it shouldn't be too hwd t o frame him.

BOTH 0 the press, the press, t h e freedom o f the press, You've only got t o hint whatever's fit t o print; If something's wrong with it, why then we'll print t o f i t . With a he-diddly-dee and aho-nonny-no For whichever side w i l l pay the best.

MR. MISTER Have his picture fill the f ront page of your paper, This drunkcard and raper who's out t o gull the people.

EMTOR DAILY Just a minute, I'm not being indiscreet - I must consult the owner o f my sheet.

i 1 Sketch 4

b l R 0 MISTER Please don't try to cross your good-humored nsw bors - I'm the owner of your famous paper since this morning.

EDITOR DAILY I n that case, I wonder i f my place Is not w o r t h more? The other crowd Would like be to shake you.

MR. MISTER Then you ' l l see jus t how neatly 1'11 break you.

BOTH 0 the press, the press, the f'reedom of the press. They'll never tc&e away the freedom o f the press.

R'IR. MISTER Th.qt Foreman Series now?

HDITOR DAILY Yes, Mister Mister, yeel

BOTH With a hey-diddle-dee And a ho-nonnyyno.

rm. MISTER No?

.- EDITOR DAILY Yes sir! Yes! Yes!

BOTH For whichever side w i l l pay the best.

EDITOR DAILY I agree with you absolutely, Mister Mister.

1IISTlZt MISTER Really? I'm deeply touched.

FDIn>R DAILY And 'I: think I understand what it i s you want. You see, I was literary advisor for y e w s to Princess Wallannllahuance - the Hawaiian Is lmds you know -

R?R. MISTER I didn't know.

EDITOR DAILY She's an old lady now, we s t i l l correspond.

RlR. hlISTER S h e ' l l probably die and leave you her whole estate, eh?

\ \ ' Sketch 4

I wouldn't go so f a r - she's a bit piqued with me, f e e l s I haven't the islands' interest a t hertrt any more,

EDITOR DAILY

h!R. MISTER A Literary Advisor t o 2 Princess!

EMTOR DAILY Yes, well, spe l l ing and things... You were saying?

MR. MISTER You con count on the new Liberty Committee t o h e l p you ngainst the union business...that's what I made it f o r , I henr that young Foreman's got 8ome s o r t o f cormittee o f his own, f o r t h e union. I don't w a n t my name used, they'd smell a r a t , , ,remember t h i s isn't 1919 any more, we've go t t o be smarter. Dr. Spec in l i s t , the othera, and yourself o f course... 0 yes, about Junior -

But you have got Reverend SalvFtion,

EDITOR DAILY I do l i ke Junior!

b?R. MISTER With the union trouble now, this town's no p h c e f o r him, he's got Q way o f landing on the f ront pages at bad moments. for him on the paper, as correspondent or something?

Do you suppose you might work an outside j o b

EIlITOR DAILY (Gulps)

On the paper? Working? I wonder - (Enter JUNIOR and SISTER, dancing)

JUNIOR AND SISTER Let's do something! So unconventional And so intentional, Peo le all around ge t pale. Let s do something, Before we've g o t too old, I ' m l a d I ' m not too old

Go to church and be on time. F o r excitement, and indictment Would be swell i f we invent a crime - Let's do eomethingt To k i l l themonotony, l e t ' s go in f o r botany, If they've got any, and if not any, then Let's do something!

P

To t f e a c m to a puppy's t a i l .

EDITOR DAILY Have you thought o f Honolulu, There your boredom would be banned? Bid your family toodle-oo-loo, S a i l away to that fair land, That's Just the i s l e f o r you -

(Continued on next pr'ge)

b-

'I 11 ! Page 18 Sketch 4

EDITOR DAILY And you' l l have your work too.

A l i t t l e scribbl ing on your father's journal, 0, nothing ever happens over there.

(Junior is start led)

hlR. hlIS'JXR Son, they say the climate's fresh and vernal.

SISTER You could learn t o play the ukelele.

MRo kfISTER Now Junkor, l i s t en t o Editor Daily.

EDITOR DAILY Have you been t o Honolulu?

JUNIOR Are the women nice down there?

EDITOR DAILY Demoure, and so high born, Just pure September Morn,

JUNIOR T don't cqre i f they're highborn Just as long as they're highbreasted!

hlR. MISTEX Junior please don't g e t arrested.

EDITOR DAILY Picture when the sun sets in Oh-wah-hee

That's the is1:md Honolulu's on Dusky maidens drmcing i n the starlight -

(Junior i s blank)

SISTER Wnsn' t some young debutante seduced there?

MR. MISTER You'd be our official correspondent.

SISmR You're a f o o l i f you dog)% go now.

JUNIOR (fortissimo) La l a l a l a l a la . La la la la la la,

EDITOR DAILY J MR. MISTER SISTER

Junior's going t o go t o Honolulu. Junior's going t o be Journalist,

JUNIOR Can I drive over eighty miles an hour?

EDITOR DAILY Ruby lips a r e waiting to be kissed.

SISTER I'd be satisfied with one big Zulu.

EDITOR DAILY Chocohte arms are open l i k e a f lower.

JUNIOR (dressy)

How the h e l l do you spel l Honolulu?

EDITOR DAILY& hlR. MISTER SISTFJR

Junior's going to be a Journdist .

EDITOR DAILY There's a womm there who wants you.. .

JUNIOR (Fortissimo)

La la la la la la. La la la la la la.

I

EDITOR DAILY Have you been to Honolulu?. . . . . .

(BEGIN FADEOUT)

S a i l away to that fair land... Dusky maidens in the starlight.. . .

(IJGHTS OUT)

' - 1 i

Sketch 5 DRUGSTORE

(DRUGGIST : STEVE BEHIND FWITI'AII?)

DRUGGIST Steve!

STEVE Yes Pop?

DRUGGIST Those glasses - really clenn th i s time. Hah - Like that.

(Blows on h i s hand) 8

C CTV 'r ;'05

€€ah? STEVE

DRUGGIST That's the W - y b b b

It looks like summer weather, There's a f i ne w a r m 8un. I 8wem I ' d not change places With King Solomon. I ought to mnke you pay f o r every glass t h a t you drop. It certainly f e e l s f i n e to own my shop.

STEVE: 0 Pop, you're such a crazy: The shops not yours, i t s mortgaged -

DRUGGI ST The mortgage now! You know how much it worr ies me. I snw the m a n again, told him t o l e t me be. I'll pny him when I can. You know who awns the company? It's terrible world, Stevie - And I f e e l f ine .

(Enter Bugs) Da da dee dn de da-dum, dee dee ds d? dab

BUGS Are. you the guy who runs dis joint?

DRUGGIST I'm the proprietor.

BUGS Do you know a Polock who comes in here every Sunday?

DRUGGIST A Polock?

I '

Sketch 5 BUGS

Sure, a punk. Wid h i s wi fe he comes here,

STEVE You know, Pop, that Polish fellow.

DRUGGIST ( Nodding ) He brings his wi fe here every week about th is time She likes our ice-cream sodas, Yes, I know them well ,

BUGS You know what he looks l ike , huh?

Yes, why?

Y

DRUGGIST

BUGS Uh, you'd like to keep d i s drugstore, wouldn't you? YOU wouldn' want any comp-my t o clamp down on your mortgage or anything l i k e dat now, would you?

DRUGGIST Whst's the iden?

BUGS Here's t h e dope. When dis Polock comes i n today, you don't say nuttin, He goes out, Dere's a gib noise outside. nuttin - nuttin, understand? You keep your trap shut. But when dey ast you later on, who done it - You remember i t ' s dis here Polock.

You don't say

DRUaIST Done what.

BUGS Explosion. quarters acrost the street,

Dey're takin a l i t t l e piece o f f Union Head-

DRUGGIST Who i s?

BUGS None of yer dam business. Jeez, T don't know why the boss hadda pick you outa all t h e stores on dis side! Talk about dumb!

STEVE The boss? Mister Misterfs behind t h i s somewhere, Pop!

BUGS You don't know that name! You never hec:rd d s t nane before - g e t me?

DRUGGIST L--

But m m , I can't say somebody did something i f he d i d n ' t ! Suppose he denies it?

4

Sketch 5

mos (Patient)

Listen, I ' l l go over it a l l again. explosion. Dis guy's gonna be in the explosion. He ain't gonna bother you none a f t e r d a t 7

Dere's gonnn be an

DRUOGIST And h is w i f e too?

BUGS Can I help it if h i s w i f e never l e t s him auta her sight?

STEVE Pop, I heard what he said - Pop, you're not g o i n g to let him get away with it!

BUGS You keep your shirt on, you don't w a n n a interfere w i t h your old man.

DRUGGIST Steve they got me cornered - 1'11 lose the store - they c m do it 0 1'11 lose everythingt They g o t me Steve! Whqt s h a l l I do?

STEVE: Pop!

BUGS Shut up, now! Here dey come.

(Enter Gus nnd Sadie Polock)

GUS Sadie, Sadie, you gotta new dress already. What you wanna tak a l l my money?

SADIE I know, but Gus -

GUS Is it p r e t t y dress?

SADIE 0 Gus, if you could only see me in it.

GUS AIrP. Maybe they mak me foreman at the mill, and I get plenty money, ha ha ha. say I keep away from union, I getta good job; then the union come to me, say, Gus, don't be f oo l , you belong with US. Look l i k e I ver p o p ' l a r , everybody w a n t me, I dunno.

The Mannger he come t o me yesterday,

#-

(They s i t at fountdn) What you tak, same ting?

+ ' Sketch 5

SADIE Vanella ice-cream soda, w i t h two scoops.

GUS 14e, n u t t i n g ; a w chust a cok-cola; w a i t , with a shot lemon maybe. . . . . Sadie, you gonna have kid soon?

SADIE Gus?

GUS I wanna kid. I wanna son. What I care what they hear? Now I got f i r s t papers, pretty soon I be r ea l American citizen. The f e l l a 8:iy they need men like me; sure, good hands, strong - He say America need men l i ke me...Siadie - I tink ma3;be - You gettin' b i g already - We got- buy you new kinda dress huh?

SADIE GUB, stop it!

GUS Why don't my Sadie t e l l me she goma have bqby?

S4ME Now Gus I R s t you twice today, don't talk that way.

GUS Whxt I care what they her*?

SADIE Okay, mybe.

GUS I make a l i t t l e bed fkom wood. So my son sleep good.

BOTH So my son s leep good..... We wonder if anyone could be As much i n love as we We wonder if anyone ever was before They couldn't be any more Than we are. There never was such a day, Or such a night time. There never wae such a boy As we will h v e , And a l l in the r i g h t time.

(Gus t r i e s t o p ~ y Steve. The boy i s nerveless, transf b e d )

GUS Whassamatta, kid?

(Steve takes money. Gus and Sadie go out)

BIES r m . . . . .

(Goes to window, makes a sign with his arm to someone across the street )

; - * (I Sketch 5 '

STEW3 No, w n i t ! Wait! They're gonna g e t you!

(Runs out after Gus and Sadie)

DRUGGIST Steve! Steviel

(The sound of m explosion outside. DRUGGIST covers his face with his hands)

c

BLCKOUT

(YASHA and DAUBR

Wel l , if it i sn ' t

1

Well , if it isn 't

He has to be here (aside)

(Aside) Of a l l the people

How's the concert

1

. I ; I

Sketch 6 HOTEL LOBBY enter from either side , vaudevil1.e style)

YMHA my old f r iend Dauber the artist!

DAUBER my old f r iend Yasha the viol inist1

today.

who walk into a hotel lobby, I meet3 him.

DAUBER bU8ine88'l

YASHA Fine. How's the painting business? I had th i r ty concerts last year.

DAUBER Last year, I so ld twelve pictures last year. year?

How about th%

YASHA This yeas I re l y on my talent.

DAUBER Prospects are lousy f o r me to. . . .

Don't l e t me keep you You must have many thlnge to do.

pleaee be on your way.

YMHA No, not at all, an appointment today Brings me t o these parts.

DAUBER Me, too.

YASHA But the person I'm about to meet, I doubt you could have met her. The kind that grovels at my feet , she'd stay there if I l e t her. She's fabulously wealthy, and although that's not the reason, I think she can be counted o n t o subsidize me a l l next season.

DAUBER Your lady friend does resemble a lot Someone, and that 's very queer.

YMHA So?

h

c

DAUSER Someone who's mebtlng me here -

YASHA No!

DAIJBER I n her Pierce Arrow l i g h t blue,?

YASHA Yes.

DAUBER No. Mrs. Mister.

Well , you - Mrs. hllster,

b

Y ASHA

DAUBER Fle t o o ,

BOTH Oh, there's sortiething eo damned low ebout t h e r ich, They're fantastic, they're f a r - f e t c h e d , t h e y ' r e Jirqt

funny , They've no impulee, no fine B e e l i n g , no g rea t i t c h . Vlhst h a v e they gqt? What h a m they got? \ 'hat have they got? Money.

DAUBER Stupid women. Missus Mister ,

YASHA Stupid? What she doens't know about mlislc \70111d put Kreis ler baek on h i s f e e t again,

DAUBER eQe asked me t o bring 51 Greco t o tea t h i s summer,

YASHA T" i 6 summ er 7

Oh, so she mentioned this surnqer t? you: Did she say where she w i l l be? a

DAUBER No, but we both thought thnt Par is would do Or C a n r - i ; she calls i t bpree .

YASHA Why she p r o m i s e d me Bar Hafibor, w i t h an e x t r a h o m e

Hut of course if she has other plans, I ' v e other. Where -1-

f i s h to pry. ....,. DAUBTR

ge l1 dear Lady Duchess desperately wants me at, h e r p!.me; he's had everyme do h e r three-quarters, I'm to 80 fvY.1-face

YASHA And I j u s t heard f rom Marchesa Contessa last. nleelr. She mas Natilda Magee.

-* - i f - ' Sketch 6

DALJBER Well?

c

YASHA Mow she's divorced the Marquis.

DAUEEX Hell, my Lady Duchess loves me.

DAUBEX But to wed wealth, so I fear, Would affect my career .

YASHA I agree.

BOTH For there's something 80 damned low about the rich. Ut's incredible the open w a y they court you All these millionaires, I can't tell which i 6 which. What can they do - what can they do - what can they do - Support you.

(Enter MiS8US Mister. They trip over each other trying tx, get t o her)

MRS. M I s m Ah, there you are, you two, and together1 Who says I haven't brought about a union o f the arts? Painting....and Music..... Win flowers.....from one stem..... The Spirit! Yasha, those horns are perfect...imagfne he went and had the horns o f my Pierce Arrow tuned to that motif i n Beethoven's E ont Overture...you know: ta, ta, ta, ta, ta ta ta ta, y*el Dauber I had an argument with H d l i e Vacum at lunch whether P h s o has curly hair.. . don't tell me, I couldn't bear it if he was bald! weeic~end....you're both coming to me for the week-end!

The

YASHA AND DAU€ER

Ask ne again and again, Missus Mister, Ask us again we love it..... Please, now and then, Do ask us again. Whenever it 9 s convenient, we * 11 come; When i t ' s not, we're a l w a y s lenient. Unless you've found some other bum. For we love to s i t in the lap of your lush And lavish display. Although i t ' s only from Friday night Till Sunday. Your guests are disgusting, your food is too heavy. We eat and we drink and we belch And we're f u l l and we're ill and we're bored.....

Oh yes!

F

I...? !

Sketch 6 MRS. MISTER

You boys w i l l k i l l me!

But we live off the, fat of the land, And for service we don't move a hand. We're allowed to be rude, And insulting and lewd, So long may ou wave and f o r e v e , amen.

Just ask us again.

YASHA AND DAUBER

If you'll as 3: us agdn, again and again,

MRS. MIS= Did I t e l l you about Rupert S&ansion? The poet, you know, he has Divine eyes and such sensitive hands, And he told me I was an old soul, A very old soul..... He was alluding t o my epirit.. . . . CC?Y And he's coming t o dinner tonight. f :*op

YASHA To dinner!

. -

Cora, you're falling!

YMHA Cora, we're starving. Ask us t o dinner too .

DA- Yes, do.

MRS. MISTER You poor boys! Artists have t o eat, t h a t % all Wetre good f o r , we moneyed people. Just use us, just step all mer us, If i t ' s only f o r the good of the cause.. . 0 speaking of the Cause.. .I want you two To join my husband's Liberty Committee. You w i l l , don't you?

YASHA AND DAUBER Put us down, andhowl

MRS. MISTER But don't you want to know w h a t it's about?

YASHA AM) DAUBER Politics? Coral We're artists1

1 zf? 3r

Sketch 6

ALL TMREE And we love Art f o r Art's sake, It 's smart, for Art's sake, To part, f o r Art's sake, With your heart, for Art18 sake, And your m i n d , for Art's sake Be blind, for Art's sake And deaf, f o r Art's sake, And dumb, for Art's sake, They k i l l , for Art's sake, All the Art for Art's sake.

(Sound of the Egmont motif o n limousine horns outside)

MRS. lKl5n(iR There's the car now. Dauber. .............

(Takes his arm)

Yasha..,..,.........

(Takes his arm)

ALL THEEX (As they exit)

Yo0 hooI Yo0 ha01 Yo0 hool

BLACKOUT

Moll

I t was Tdesday l a e t week, yes Tuesday - I had breakfast at Andyb - I had coffee - and again, f o r dinner I could only afford coffee........ Then I looked ah the f loor , and I eee a nickla ahinin there. Gee8

Coffee -and = For lunch

(Steps on i t ) coffee &Andy. i

Then I looked clorer - That wasn't no nickle - Rot coffee .I and, Andy, Just coffee, And# - Mioter, you don't know what it fel t l ike , thinkin' that waa a nickle under my foot .

Maybe you wonder w h a t i t Sa, Make8 people good or bad: Why Borne guy, an ace wtthout a h b t , Turne out to be a b a a t a r b e o 0 ~ . And the other about. VI1 t e l l you w h a t I feel1 It% just the nickel under the heel.

0 yon can live l i k e Hearto and Flomr8, And every day i s a wonderland tour: @ you am dream and scheme

But f i r s t be mre The nickel's under your foot.

And happily put and M e , tahe Snd ~ t o e a . . -

GO etand on iomeoneb neck wrhile p c d r e takinT. Cut into somebodyh throat an gaa putt For every dream and echemeb Depending on whether, all throw the etorm, You've kept i t warm.^^^.^....... The nickel under your foot.

And i f you're sweet, then you'll grow rotten, Your pretty heart covered over rrith eoot. And if for one8 yodre gay, And devil-aay-carelesr, and 0 ao h~t...~~. I kmw you've got That nickel under your foot.

(To DRUGGIST) How yon doin* nor?

mws ST Leave me alone. I*m all right.

cm - Which of you guys wanted t o eee the man who made the speech?

(gicks 3n LARRY srcm) wt in, you) How why bo& you preach?

Be- sALvm1oIQ H d e the man who made the rpeech.

UVATIOB D m MAMIE

He's the one rho started this.

DB. SPECIALIST Wait t i l l Mister Mister comee.

U

REV. sAIJVA!FfOle DAmm W I B

What'& he uay?

--- M d you phone to Mater muter? '9lhattd he say?

ZDITOE IIIIfLY Miater Misterfa not at home.

YASHA PREXT TRfXIB

I ; P ( j C : - 'a . i

Hot at home?

EDITOR DAILY At a meeting with the Board.

REV. SALVATIOH RAWBER. W E

OIi th the Board?

CI BDITOR - N L Y Says the Judge i s with h i m too. He'll come over right away~~.... Just ae soon aa they get through.

RlV. SALVATION MUBER

- H d l l come over right ame

DB. SPECIALIST Thatts the man who made the speech,

REV. SALVATION DAUBER W I E

He's the one who made the speech?

YASEiA PBEXP TBIXIE

He% the one who started thiat

LARRY SICgLSE 0- 0- .IO= h, boy! f just been gri l led, Say who made up that word, gr i l led? I a l a 0 been barbecued, frlctled, end

(Tries to sit ) pleated, Now I h o w what the Mrty foreignerr f ee l l ike, I guess I am a fsreigner at that,

Our propertyh been in tb family For over sixty p a r a ...... 'But i t h nine milts outa town, 80 that make0 me a foreigner. Not that i t% a good property.....^...^^. If i t was, we n o u l d n h have i t no rixty minutea. Ever hear of Mister Mister? There' B an A-lrumbewxm home snatcher 4 A lotta hard work and persaverunce went into tbat reputation. .... And what's the whole Lfberty Committee doin' in a nightcourt. .. And on the wrong side o f the 'bad Wait t i l l 1 t e l l my Aunt J o i d e ~ . . . ~ ~ . She% got a comeback f o r everything. "Allus eaid they ma the biggest cheats and whore8 in towma Excuse the Language, UBII

(To MOLL) My Aunt Jessie gets all them big word8 outa the Bible.

(Looks a t her more closely) Y o d r e new here. They catch you on the etreeta, H d t

(Indignant whiepers from ORORUS) b

.

mom oh, huh. Uhatta they got you for?

LARRY Makln' a speech and p&&in* out leaf lets . The fawmal chahge i s I n c l t i d t o Biot. Ain't you ever seen my act? Well, I'm creepid along in the dark. My eyes is crafty, my pockets i s bulgint. I'm loaded, armed to the teeth... with lcai lets . And am I qnick on the draw! I come up to youo. .very slow.. . . .very E-.. . . And with one fell gesture... . I tuck a l ea f l e t i n your hand. And then, one twAthree.0 . . There'e a riot. I incited you,

Y o u h the r i o t , I'm te r r i f i c , I am1

/ Sketch 7

LARRY Listen, girlie, $au donh want t o talk that way, that's dangeroue ta lk. First thing you know, they811 have you deported a8 well Lie fumigated.~ . . . but i t h a good lea f let , we printed i t ourselves. We got a committee$oo, fanners and city people, doctore, newapapermen, even a couple o f artfbba and one preacher, wefro middle class, we all got property, we a l a 0 got our eyes open. Thia crowd here? Hiil.int up there i n the cradle o f the Liberty Committee?

Upon the topmost bough of yonder tree now, Like bees i n their hives The lorda and their lackeye and d v e e A srrlngin' @Roclmbys Baby" 1n.a nice big cradle. Then they remark the sir i s chilly ap there, The eky beetldrl?roweb....can that be a cloud over there? And then they put out their hande ana f e e l stormy weather. A birdie rips and c r i e s , "Boys, tMo looks bad3 You haventt ueed your eyer:

.

you811 rrieh you had."

Thatfa thunder, thatto lightning, And i t * s going to mrromb rotlo No wonder those atorablrda Seem t o ci rc le around yon. Well, gan That's a atom that88 going t o laat until The final wind blowa.r0.00.62td when the nind blows.... The cradle dl1 rockt

can't climb d m , and you can't a i t

Tbatga thunder, thatfa l i ghtnhg, And i t ' s going to enrrounb you. No wonder those atormbirdlr Seem to c i rc le around you. Well , you can't climb dam, and you can% 8ay "flo You can't stop the weather, not with a l l your dought For when the wind blowi.....O when the wind blow^...^. The cradle will rockt

The cradle will rockt Da you think we d o d t know what that fight tonight's about? Brown frok the roughers, and Young from the boilernraker6 i s sittint together? In Union Headquarters? Why more people than Steeltom ever eaw at one time are crowdint around i n the square? Those boys dodh know i t , but they're fightfn' our fight too. They're makint one big union grow where notNn but green onions grew before..... .and they'll have the mschiniete and the blasters with tern before the week ie out .~ .~~~ . t . r j r and etop *em# Md you see the people..,. the tone o f tern8 &d the order, and tbe quiet? E lost my Aunt Jeseie i n a crowd o f boilermskerrr, bunched together with their wives and U d s on one aidebf the 8quare000~0 the H4.e all had bugles$ It11 find her blowin' a bugle, I g u e e d Unless they pu l l her i n here f o r carryin' concealed deadly lea f lets , t w o - p Jeseie herself 1 mer on the other side o f the sQuzLre, the rowhers with their kide.......and their kids had drums.

'Ilhy Murphy from the ro l l ing mil ls and

IXJWI 8T I saw them. I n the ariddle o f the square were the rol l ing mill workers - their kids out in front too, with f i fea.

r-

WRaP Do you h o w what i t takes t o keep a kid from blowing hi6 bugle or ganging his drum? Their all there now, n o t mddng a eound - just waitin', waitin - ready to strike up the hand as loon as they hear the good news.

DRUGGI ST b

I agbed onepittle boy w h y he wardt playing hid f i f e and he said t o me, Wr. that * 8 di ecipline. a

LARRY Tonighth the nightt 0 bop, if they get together8 0 boy, 0 bog1 Goodbye open uhop in Steeltown, hel ld

0 bg,

closed shop.

_yoLL Olhatfu the difference?

c

-JA=L The difference? be kicked around, demoted, f i red, l ike that - h e h al-1 alone, he% free, f ree to be wiped out. Cloaed shop he's got 50,OOO other boilernakerr behind h i m , ready to back h i m up, every one o f them t o the la8f lunch pail. The difference? Thatte

Jane r) the boilermakers - hut one finger 0 but t h i n -

(pointing t o finger for each) rollers, roughers, machlniute, blaatere, boilermakere, thatts o l o ~ e d shop

(make8 a f i s t of i t ) thattu a union

(thumbing nose wit21 that hand) 0 boy, 0 boy, 0 boy1 that's a union.

Open 8hap i s when a boilermaker- can

I t *@ l ike the f i v e finger8 on your hand.

CLEBg Order i n the courtroom 1 Next C88e. 1Q-88.

* . PREQ I am President Proxy of College Udters i ty , and these are Profeesors Idamle and Trixie o f the aame inrtitution.

G?mL Charge?

LARRY - ~- -

(Imitating his Aunt Jeseie) Maintaining a Usorder ly hmue.

. -

(PRESIDlcarp P F ' & derk, doting) (Telephone rings three times) (At third ring he picks i t up indolently)

PBEXY Ye........ est Mr. Mister? @ell,

(Enter Mr. Mfeter)

PRBXX Lovely morning.

MR. MISTEB

Sketch 8 Page 8 7 ) : I

good heavena man, show him i d

MR. MISTER My rrifets mi ting for me, 1111 come to the point at once. I need a speaker, one of pur profeirora. Someone who can put up a good front.

PRESP We have l a t a of professorr thiu year Who make lovely appear8nceu. Just what.eo.~..?

MR. MISTER Ral ly next Saturday night. I'm extendfng your military tac t ics courm. ..... Two years compulearg trai rdng now. Didn't they t e l l you?

PBIExI[ ( S W e s head)

Who, no they didnft tell me. (Giggle4

w. MISTER Well, we're bhilding up quite a nice l i t t l e regiment. You never know when you need tern. There was that Aliquippa #trike i n 1933. The National Guard isn't any cheaper And I caa handle college boyr myrelf.

PREXY

MR. MISTER M - W .

The countrgtr going to the dogu, w h a t with the \Ilhi~n~....~..

MR. l a s m Snb s i t d0m etrikes...~.... Well, I want a professor from the university To come and talk t o the students, stir *em up: Someone who can talk.

-- PRlgg Let me beeB who. would be ths kind o f man most d t e d t o your purpome?

Send in ~ a m i e , scoot m a ~ r i r i e .

Mmiets 8 new one, Just ap from the Argenthe. He may be the very article.

(over phone)

(To Mr. Mister)

. . U

(Enter ~ r o f e s s o r s Mamie, Sooat and Tribe)

PREla Boga, this ir Y r . Mister, our distinguiahsb cltisen and .o... trustee. H 8 e 0 0 . 0 0 -

(Goes to them, whiepere, pantomimes)

PROF. SCOOT But Prenideat Prexy.. . . . . . .

PBlPltlf Just a minute Scoot. You firat, Mamie.

PROP. M I & Applied Science, Laboratory 54, Ulifary trdning,poung

(bMk08 a poee) gentlemen of the University, I give you the triple flank maneuver.

PROF. S O O T President Prexy, I... . . ..

_PROF. MAMIS Liquidate, outnodeb democracy. I give you technocracy.

(Dances) But my dear t3ir~...0~ iPRQF. SCOOT/

-- PRRII Scoot, your turn will coma1

PROF. MAMIE Solve everything f i rst on paper...... on paper1

(D9nCeS)

Sketch 8 r~ I -

>

PREXY (To Mr. Mister)

Zeal , t h a t b all, Mister Mister, seal..

PROF. MAMIE Hannibal - Cbarlenmign - the Oetrogothr I give YOU o o o e e e o t h e VidgothrI

(Mr. Mister ehakes his head)

P m Tharkyon, thank you, thank you, we'll l e t you kno~.~.~.. .

(Prof. ldanle depart8 i n a huff) 0

YB. K X S T ~ TOO many long worde........ lfh&t*a h~ thinks college boys are? They won t know heto talking about military training?

(Enter Mre. Mieter)

_pBIGH Now, Profee8 QCOO~O~OO.. .

MRS. MISTER May I come in? COPY pay no attention to me.

From

PROF. SOOT Ethic8 42, Eathetics 6, Logic 1 - How do you f e e l about our course In Military Tactics?

PBgn

PROP e SCOOT Do I have to eay?

PROF. SCOOT don't l i ke military training.

arg training of any kind. I'm a Tolatoyan.

A w b a t ?

PROF. SCOOT A Litt le Brother.

1..

I KR. MfSTER mere were you during the war?

Sketch 8 page 40 ! ?'i

PROF. SCOOT Henry Ford's Peace Ship.

MRS. MISTER If mp Junior were back from ibnoluld

EU!a Thattll dol

m. MISTER O t

(Lxit Pro f , Scoot)

PBExlll 0 1 I'm sorry HOW did that man get on our pay-roll? Believe me, he's off it now.

m y ~ixie....... t (PROP. TRIXIE bruehee pset PIWK who f a l l 8 b t o h i s chair)

PROF. TRIHIC Football coach, also Elementary French. Listen fellas, Military ~mree.. . .~~. . Two yeare.... . tree cheer0 I Li e ten ~e11ae 1 Army training. 0. .port in a storm) There's nothing like a uniformt Service stripe^...^ .epaulets... . Silver shirt, -be Attababy 8

Alma Mater! Sex Appeal 1 Two years ! Stick mk your cheet out $ ....... Be a man^,..... ......

BSuilds YOU UP.. 0 0 0

tree cheers J.

MR. Idfm Wonderful 1 Wonderful 1

PREXY Enchanting t

I remember you, I've always admired your tbyroidt

You know w h a t I admire?

-bmS MIsTm- W T . ) w

His Thyroid8

A

MR* MISTBIEL You can both consider yonrselvelr on the new Liberty Committee. I p e s 6 we c ~ l z 1.198 Mamie too, thane Ion$ wordu may-be useful there , But not that~~~..~,..Peace

(Riees t o go)

(TO Trixie) Now you t e l l the kids We're buying them the best military equipment.. . Riot guns, cartridgee, tear -8. Hand grenades, everything,. . . . Thwh5 going t o f i nd that three Orevenfour years o f ruch training I s not going to hurt....^...... Not going t o )lUrt.....~....o..o.

b

DOCTOR'S OFFICE

(MR.MISTER being examined by DR. SPECIALIST)

MRoMISTER Hot going to hurt, i s it Do ctor? I t ' s n o t going to hurt?

DROSPECIALIST Don't be alarmed, brfr .Mister, a purely routine examination,. .Just breathe-naturally.

MR, MISTER

It hurts sometimes when I br'eathe, Doctor, you know?

DR 0 SPECIALIST Where. .. . .here?

MR. MISTER ( T r i e s v a r i o u s )

No~....not now,.,,but it does hurt.

DR SPECIALIST Mmq Mostly nerves. Th ere are some new indections, rather rare i n t h i s country. We'll start them tomorrow, and remember,,..e. long cure at Vichy this summer.... I think that's a l l .

MRoMISTER All? temperature and pulse , Doator?

You're c e r t d n l y n o t forgett ing t o t a k e my

DR 0 SPECIALIST tq a smile)

I want t o thank you for being made chairman (Does So)

I n c i d v . o f the Liberty Committee. It means a p e a t deal to me, as you probably knww. Among other things, I believe that's a l l I needed t o get a research appointment I 've been after for months.

perfect ly normal. (Takes thermometer,)

Normal?

DR SPECIALIST quite. Pulse a b l t j umpy, that's a l l . Just nerves.

(ENTER ATTENDANT)

ATTENDANT E l l a HRmmer t o see you, Doctor.

(DR .SPECIALIST waves him out. 1

Sketch 9 PAGE 43 ! 1 7 : - - --

MR. MISTER E l l a Hammer? who go t hurt, isn't i t ?

That's B e wife of the workman What's she doing here?

F

DRo SPECIALIST Eo idea* I t r ea ted him a t t h e o l in i c .

M R o MISTER I think I know what she rsants. The man was drunk a t the time, wasn't he?

DR SPECIALIST Drunk? Why no.

MR.MISTER No? That's very interest ing. I was sure I heard he clipped - Because he had been drinklag.

DR, SPECIALIST Well~....is it causing 3ou any trouble?

YIR. MISTER In a sort of my. He's been trfing to put over This new union stuf f on the employees,, The kind that's never sat is f ied. His wife's beefing a l l over the place How he g o t pushed Into t ha t lad le . You know I had a hard time deciding whether a doctor rra8 the right type t o head a L iber ty Committee.. I decided....Vell, f o r a number of reasona~... I assumed, natura l ly , a f t e r you examined him..... Didn't you say he was drunk?

DR SPECIALIST I.. 0 0 e 0 e e ?

MRoMISTER Yes. YOU. As a matter of f a c t I phoned the newspapers On35 $his morning t o send someone over To get the atory from you...,,, I txu wondering how eas i l y you could explain your sudden res ignat ion as chairman of the Liberty Committee to your extensive praotise...that is, if a change was found advisable Good God, I'm a sick man Doctor1 Doesn't anyone rea l ize how sick I am? earthquake...call it nerves, c a l l it what you l i k e ! I don't understand the timese. .unions, unfons.. we raised t h e i r wages, now they want a union.,..Things are sl ipping from my grasp, what's it coming t o ? @ own doctor helps t o make me aick$.,.There, you see*,oe I guess you can handle her, eh?

I have nightmares, I'm in the middle o f an

(EXIT MR. 1.KtSTER. him t o door, then motions.

DR. SPECIALIST accompanies ENTm E I U HM.P?ER)

c

Hello, Dootor. Doctor, you examined Joe. Doctor, you're the one t o know, If he ever touched a drop of liquor, He couldn*t hold i to YOU know his stomach. They take enough o u t of his paycheck For you to know his stomach by now.

IC DR. SPECIALIST T ~ s .

ELLAu Is the rumor true -they Mean t o say that he was drunk?

DR. SPECIALIST res .

ELLA But Doctor, you k n o m o s e hoodlums framed him. Pushed him i n t o that l ad le Because he wasn't a f r a i d t o ta lk8 Heta been expecting t h i s for weeks; He even t o l d you that ;

DR 0 SPECIALIST -- Yes. F

ELWl Workers who have been cheated and l i e d t o and sold out They daren't trust anybody no more. They mustntt lose t he i r faith i n JOE, now You 8ee that , dontcha?

PRr SPECIALIST

Yes.

ELLA . . .

So..,.,..you w i l l ten the workers it was a l l a frameup..,. Youtll say the i r confidence i n him was not unfounded? I hoped you would.

(ENTER ATTENDANT. )

ATTENDANT Reporters f r o m the newspapers, Sir.

DR. SPECIALIST Ye&

(ENTER REPORTERS. 'EXTT ATTENDANT)

REPORTER Mister Mister phoned u8 t o come heree we aren't quite 8ure........

Doctor;

L

Sketch 9

DR. SPECIALIST

Gentlemen, Pl1 be brief. My statement i s this: I examined the man Hammer shortly a f ter h i s injury a t the Steeltown m i l l 8 l a s t Thursday. He was obv ious ly intoxicated. That i s a l l .

REPORTERS But DbctBr,,. i r n e t there any more? oomplete s tory? -

That hard ly makes a

ELLA A story? Is t h a t what your. papers went, a story? Listen; here's a story. Not much fun, and not much glory, Lowclass.. . .lowdown.. . . . . The thing you never care t o 8889 U n t i l there i s a showdom. Here it 18.. . . .IT1l make L t snappy; Are you ready? Everybody happy?

Workpeople get gypped; For no good reason, j us t gypped. From the start u n t i l the finish comes... They reed 'em out o f garbage cans, Theybreed 'em in t h e Slums, Workpeople will go, And stand outs ide s t o r e s they know. They'l l l ook a t the meat, They'll look a t the bread, And t o o l i t t l e t o e a t sort o r goes t o the head, One b i g quest ion inside me cries; How many fakers, peace tmder~t8kers9 Pa id strike-breakers, How many toiling, ailing, dying, piled up bodies, B.rother, does i t take t o make you wise?

Workpeople jus t drop, R ight a t their workin' they dropo Wear, weary, t i r ed t o t h e core; If one of them drops out o f sight there's always plenty more4 Workpeople a l l know That somebody's got them i n tow.. . , Y e t what i s the good For a few t o complain? But if everyone would, That's something else again8 One b ig quest ion ins ide me cries; How many frameups, how many shakedowns, Lo ckout s , se l l ou t s , How many times machine m s t e l l t h e sane old story, Brother, does it take t o make you Wise?

BLACKOUT

!

HIGElT COURT

c

.-

LARRY And so the great &e Specialist Brew a research appofntment, andb-pt &a Job on the Liberty Committee.

Would you mind mavin' over? at this end

Thereb a hell o f a amell

frbRRy Sister, you should be ashanreb.. .~ amateur l i k e you fn the company of all theee professionals . They could teach you something, f o r inetmce, you'll probably go t o 3rd 1.. . but do you think they rrfll? Not on your committee button, they w o n ~ t ,

c

I insist this m a n be stopped. He88 d r e a caused enough trouble. to talk like that.

What i e this, h S S i S ? We don 7 f ham to l i s t en

LICBBY, No, you do& have to listen. You're all independent, you are; There ain't no Ytrtu Mr. Uete r , there% just the bogey mm. You preachhhat he t e l l e you to preach...... YOU print w h a t he t e l l s you to print.....or e lee l You sel l out everything you Your store , you son, yourself.

DRUGGI ST Stevie 1

L&RRY Mr. Mister comes around, a.nd you.O~O.O Kiss the ground where he walke. Mlssus Mister lifts a finger, and y ~ t l e o e o L i f t your l i t t l e behind t o be amacked. Thia ddt Russia, no.... Itto Stee l tom, U.S.A#

g J B E R mhat d.o- want us to do, j o i n unionlr?

2Bsz- 4 University' President's union 8

YASHA A Concert Artistts union !

LIBFJrPY COW'PIIEE Don't make u8 laugh.

DRUGGI ST I got some s o r t o f in+itati)n to Joia". - A pharmacist's union - I gueea they don't know thereb a pool-room now where drugstore m u .

tbRRT byone ever t e l l you boys you belong to a union already? It'a the closedest shop-ever heard of and i t b been &in things f o r qui te a while@ Y d r e in one o f them racketeer unions, where you run all the errands and get maybe a dollar cfgar for Chrietmae from the head man8 You aid t made one real demand yet , youhe &y e d d "Yes, Mr. Mieter,"yp t o now. crowd pressin down md the bottom croM ccmin' up8 sandwiched in there1 I ask you!

%ly you're beln rooked;

You're i n between the top You're

What do you wanna be, hamburgers?

CHORUS Here comes Yr. Mister a m

(Enter Mr. Mister, haggard, pqle.)

CHORUS (Rushee to h i m )

You g o t here at last1 0 you don't know what we're been through# These I d i o t s EurIyd: Get

Youare Larry

Ex-Foreman.

-

don't know ua 1 UI out t Now that youhe corne.0e. ctc, etc.

(Mr. Mister passe6 throwh thern,Roee s t r a i a t t o LARRY) -

MB. MISTER Foreman?

LARRY

MR. MISTER I k e been l o o k i n g all over town for

LARHY Well, well, how's the union returns?

yotP

MR. HIS= They haven't come t o a decision yet. Ill?. Foreman, I know a l o t about you, you ware once in npr employ. seems you have a very considerable fa l lo f in& Look here......We@re both f o r the same thing, a fair and square deal f o r everybody. Why don't you persuade your group to j o i n with the Liberty Committee into one big united organieatbon?

It

Sketch 10

pl/.

LABKP you mean with these people here?

:.1!3LL

i

in swlnzing y 3 u ~ way a l l - - the peGple I've signct~t up. M I the 2eopi.s cvho agree with uqion. YGU want me to change the i r rnlnd, I s t h a t it? cioaus

That's it;! That's it! xow do it!

DRTTGGIST

Xo, don't!

LARRY 0, Gister idlster,gou can be pe r f e c t l y frank with me. 0, you can l i v e

"like hearts and

CHORUS Go ahead! Go ahead!

flowers. F

UISTZR ;.IISTZR What% ail t h i s trouble And every day is a about anyr7e.y 1 Jhen it 3 wonderland tour,

0, you can dreaii and scheme and

f t

I don1 about

CHORUS stzn you! --

There's nothirg you c m l d n ' t be. I haven't T b t ' s ?:r. : I i s t a r 0 ~ 9 ' 3 neck :,vhile time to argue. Yell.? you're takin

Go stsnd m some-

Li3HRY L X ~ ~ Z , b u t t ' s a tali order you kn.37~.

Cut i n t o somebody's throat a s yo11 ? u t (Cperl) ( 3 p w e j

he ' s making ym, LiISTER XISTER

Yell, of caurse, 2 6on't 3EiWZI ST F o r every expect you t o di it, J x t 2 x 2 it: dream and l i k e t h a t . LLks it! Don't do it!

LARR'l Oughta sua to =worth q u i t e a Remenber Scheme

YOU, e'n? 'on whe Cepe ther

t hrmgh t h You've kep W8m. 0

'our step boy.

? t h e ni cke i

fining aLI

.e storm. t it

'S

I

i

S ' F t ch I-' ' Ppge 7

IARSY YOU tl.onlt say! Worth tha t milch to you, hm? ';Jell, y o u t a k e a l l tha t money m d go buy ymi iase l f 8. b i g p i e c e o f h a s t . yoii nc3.nna r e l a x - m d t o me add. my Aunt J e s s i e , You're a poached egg,

CHORUS F o o l ! Fool !

DRUG91 S T Stevic !

Z A R?Y Nom then get olAta here. ARd t a k e this l i t t l e g l r l with you. o u t there she don't c o s t you n o t h i n ' I n 3all you're l i a b l e to have t 3 feed her.

!.m . rll I s T YR l t / ~ y you impudent, yqu insufferable. . . 1'11 break you. . J1$l run you oub of t o w n , .. .

LARRY And give u s f ront page p Q b l i c i t y ? Please?

Would you?

CWRUS KI11 him!. Lynch him!

LA RriY Yeh, lynch, k i l l ! ?,isten o n c e f o r a l l , you scared bunch o?' bhnhesf. r i h i i ? n d OutsitId in the 9cZixre they're sttzrtin sc>methl ri Th;.ltla gmn2 t e m t h e ca tgu t oute- your stin1:i .n i v d c e h ! That's S t e e l m a r c h i n o u t in f ront . . . .but on? d2.y t l w ~ e ' s

8 ows and rn~.id.c.. . . , shop,. . .houses.. . Poems , . bbridt.es.. .drugstores. . The people o f t h i s town a r e f i n d i n out what They're grod!in tip. . . , Andnhen everybody geb together fhek S t e e l ' s ge t t in together tonight, '(':here a r e you then? L istvn, you d l r c k Lecione, yov Ku Kltixers, You Igi l -Ai intIes h i d ! n up there. I n t h e Grad-le o f the Liberty Cornmitt8e. . b . . "Jhen the storm breaks . , . . , ' h e cradle p r i l l f a1L

m n a b e . , . .Wheat and sidewalks.

i t ' s 311 p'hout;. . . ..

(They watch his goint1nr;r h d d d e s c e n d slovr!.;;) (B lere o f b1-igles w t s l d e , 1Wt )

UIIRY Lis ten ! The boilermdcers are with 1-1s) Trip t s the boilermokers kids!

.-

(Ber t t of drums)

L A M Y The roughers!

(Sounds o f f i f e s )

LARqY The r o l l e r s J Steel4 Your stgel.' They d 9 n e it!

(All the milsic r n d v o i c e s come n e w e r , b c 1 z stage m d I n the house)

COP They're rn8rchl.n down here. g o t no peram.l.t, t o nl;!rich!

CLERK Arrest them1

(Miisic, lmr?.les, drums and- f i f e s ) r-

C U R T A I N I>' . r

A u p s t , . . . Septenber Hillcrest, Starnfnrd, '&~n.

1936

(y$ * (

Narc B l - i t z ~ t s i n , 021 ?* Jme S t r e e t , t .-

Ch 3-9220 ":

#, rl'

. . .- %.

1Jew York city ,

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