get inside a guy’s head: the smart woman’s guide to...

Get Inside a Guy’s Head: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men

Get Inside a Guy’s Head:

The Smart Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men

By Jonathon Aslay

Your Guy Spy into the Male Mind and Your Heart Protector


Copyright © 2015 JSA Communications

The information provided in this book is designed to be

intellectually and conversationally stimulating, and it is for

enlightenment purposes only. It is not intended to replace the

advice and care of your physician, nor is it intended to be used

for mental or medical diagnosis and/or treatment.

Jonathon Aslay makes no guarantees or represents he will find

you a match or resolve your relationship issue; his services are

merely designed to help you make a shift in a positive direction.


Table of Contents

Introduction…………………………………………………………………….page 4

Important Note……………………………………………………………….page 6

Principle #1: Lifestyle……….………………………..………………….page 8

Principle #2: Responsibility.………………………..………………..page 11

Principle #3: Emotional Availability………….……………………page 14

Principle #4: Maturity…………………………………………………….page 18

Bonus Section:

How Do You Feel when You’re with Him? ……………………..page 21

Conclusion………………………………………………………………………. page 23


Introduction

Men aren’t always easy to understand or to decipher. We

sometimes tell women what they want to hear to get what we

want… sex, money, a trophy on our arm, or an actual

relationship.

Men can be confusing, but they don’t have to be for you

anymore. When a smart woman like you truly understands a

man, you’ll know exactly what he’s getting at and where he’s

coming from. You’ll know if he’s sincere, if he’s a player, or if he’s

clueless.

After you read this, you’ll understand men so well that you’ll be

able to decipher a man’s intentions toward you with 95%+

accuracy. You may not get it right every time, but you’ll have a

good idea of what’s going on before you get too involved with a

guy.

Keep in mind that some men are not affectionate in public, and

that’s OK. Some men wait a while to introduce their women to

the other important people in their lives. These questions are a


guide to help you determine what’s up with your guy and to help

you understand him better.

There are four vital areas you’ll want to evaluate your guy in:

lifestyle, responsibility, emotional availability, and maturity.

Ideally, he should score well in each area, but ultimately, you

know him better than a questionnaire does.

And he may be strong in two or three areas and need some help

on the others. That’s OK.

This workbook is broken down into all those areas, with probing

questions to help you see if this guy is what you’re looking for.

You’ll have space to answer each question, and at the beginning

of each section, we’ll discuss why we’re asking these particular

questions. After finishing this workbook, you’ll understand what

to look for in a relationship-ready guy.

You’ll have fun with this, but it will make you think too. Let’s get

started!


***Important Note*** Please Read***

As you go through this book, one thing will hit you… how much

power you have to attract and create the relationship you want.

I’m not kidding, nor am I exaggerating.

(I put this same note in all my books, because I think it’s that

important. Most women don’t have the first inkling of how much

they can inspire and guide their relationships.)

Enjoy the fact that you can influence all your relationships for the

better very easily, just by being you… an amazing woman.

But some who read this book will (understandably) ask me one

question that goes something like this: “Jonathon, why is it up to

ME to do all this stuff? When does he pull his weight here?”

This is going to sound lame, but it’s the truth…

Men do not seek help in relationships like women do. We live

relationships day to day, and we don’t often analyze them to see

what can be improved. That’s just how we are. Heck, we don’t


like to ask for directions! So it’s up to you to get the ball rolling.

Yes, it’s unfair and it sucks. But if you take the bull by the horns

and jump in, you can find, create, and keep a truly wonderful,

happy, great relationship with a man who’s ready for you. And it

will be so easy because you GET him. You understand him, and

you know him.

And you’ll be thrilled with the results. Ecstatic, jumping up and

down, and shouting from the rooftops thrilled.

Give me one hour and read this workbook. Dating, mating, and

relating will change for the better, and you’ll wonder how you

ever managed without this information.

Good luck, and know I’m always here for you.

Hugs,

Jonathon


What is His Lifestyle Like?

If you and your guy can’t blend lives, your relationship stands

little chance of success. These questions are to help you assess

whether you and he can come together and create a joint life that

will make both of you happy.

This section is all about compatibility in lifestyles. As you answer

these questions, make note of those answers that hit you funny

or make you uncomfortable.


If something about his lifestyle doesn’t sit right with you now, it

may never be OK with you, and it’s better to know that now.

Is he single, separated, divorced? ________________________

If he’s single (never married), why? ______________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

How long has he been separated or divorced? _______________

How is his relationship with his ex? ________________________

____________________________________________________

Any kids involved? How old are they? ______________________

____________________________________________________

How is his relationship with them? ________________________

____________________________________________________

What is his occupation? _________________________________

Does he like it? _______________________________________

How long has he been doing it? ___________________________

How is his relationship with his mom and sisters? How does he

treat them when you’re around? _________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________


Does he like to do the same things you do? _________________

Does he have a similar spiritual background, or is he open to

learning more about your beliefs? _______________________

Does he have a similar attitude about drinking, drugs, and sex as

you do? If not, what’s different? ________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

__________________________________________________

Think about a typical day with him. What works (meaning what

do you have in common or what do you share), and what

doesn’t? ____________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

And finally, can you see yourself with him 10 years from now if

neither of you changes anything and you’re living together or

married? Why or why not? ______________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________


What Are His Responsibilities, and Does He Honor Them?

As adults, we all have stuff we have to do whether we like it or

not. We have responsibilities to ourselves and to others. Not

everyone takes his or her obligations seriously, but you want to

make sure the man you’re with does.

If he shirks his duties to others, he is likely to do the same to you

someday.


Does he honor his child support obligations? ________________

How about alimony, insurance for his children, or any other court-

ordered financial obligation to anyone he is or was related to? __

____________________________________________________

Does he take care of his parents or any other family members?

____________________________________________________

Does he pay his bills on time? ____________________________

Does he work, and can he hold down a job for a reasonable

amount of time? (Reasonable means whatever you decide it

means.) _____________________________________________

How about pets? Does he feed, water, walk, and clean up after

them? Does he take them to the vet when necessary? _________

When he makes a commitment, does he follow through? _______

Does he shy away from responsibility and duty, or does he accept

it and do it to the best of his ability? _______________________

____________________________________________________

If you answered any of the above with no (except the last

question), why not? ____________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________


And finally, do you trust that he will do what he says? If not, why

not? ________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________


Is He Emotionally Available?

Most women I coach have dated an emotionally unavailable guy

at some point, and they often say that they didn’t realize it until

they’d already fallen for him. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you

could tell ahead of time?

I will say that many men will move from one serious relationship

to the next quickly. They don’t take time to grieve or analyze

relationships, as women tend to do. They typically find what I call

a “transition girlfriend” (often merely a rebound or a friend with


benefits) as soon as they can after the breakup of a long-term

relationship or a divorce. Don’t be that woman.

And it should go without saying that a man who is separated, or

whose divorce is not final, stands a very good chance of going

back to his wife. He is still married, and the chances of him being

ready for a relationship with you right now are slim. Don’t go

there either.

Some women will disagree with me, but I’m telling you as a

man… don’t do it. Let him disentangle himself from the current

relationship before you get involved. Here are some questions

that will help you determine his relationship readiness.

How long has it been since he broke up with his last girlfriend or

got his divorce decree? ________________________________

How much has he dated since his separation or divorce? _______

____________________________________________________

Has he had a transition girlfriend already? __________________

Do you get the sense that he has truly closed the door on his last

relationship? If the answer is no, why not? _________________


___________________________________________________

___________________________________________________

Has he told you that he’s not ready for a relationship? ________

Is he more interested in texting than meeting face to face? ____

Does he contact you? (And I do mean does he contact you?)

___________________________________________________

Is he consistent about contacting you? (It doesn’t matter how

often as much as how consistent.) ________________________

Does he contact you for reasons other than to plan sexual

encounters? _________________________________________

Do you go on actual dates in public, and does he do the asking

out? _______________________________________________

When you go out, does he pay most or all the time? __________

Did he take time to get to know you before sex came into it? How

long? ______________________________________________

When you are together, is he all about sex, or is sex just part of

the picture? _________________________________________

Does he show you affection that isn’t sexual? _________ In

public? ______________

Does he leave or expect you to leave right after sex? _________

If you’ve already been dating for a while…


Has he met your parents or children, or expressed an interest in

meeting them? If not, why not? __________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

Have you met his friends, family, and/or coworkers if you’ve been

together more than a few months? If not, why not? ___________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

How much do the people close to him know about you? ________

____________________________________________________

Is he making room for you in his life? ______________________

Does he show you off in public? Has he introduced you as his

girlfriend? ____________________________________________

Does he show affection in public? _________________________

And finally, do you know you have a future with him, or is he

keeping you at arm’s length? ____________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________


How’s His Maturity Level?

You want a man, not a little boy.

You want someone who takes disappointment in stride and can

handle bad days, bad news, and bad fights.

You want a man whose default setting is calm and happy.

And finally, you want a guy who can accept your occasional bad

day and knows how to help you or how to make you laugh and

forget about it.


Is he that guy? Let’s find out.

Do you think he’s in a good place in his life? ________________

Does he feel like he is in a good place? ____________________

If he’s not happy with his current job, does he have an exit plan?

___________________________________________________

Is he settled and stable? _______________________________

If you needed him, would he be there? ____________________

Does he talk about you, or is it all about him? _______________

Do you think he’s dealt with any issues from past relationships or

marriages? __________________________________________

Is he generally happy, especially when you’re around? ________

Does he talk about the future, even if it’s just next week, and do

his actions match his words? ____________________________

Does he make plans, or does he just let things flow (or have you

decide what happens?)? _______________________________

Does he cope with disappointment in an immature fashion,

meaning does he run to alcohol, drugs, buddies, or other women?

___________________________________________________



question), why not? ____________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

And finally, do you get the sense that he’s mature and ready for a

relationship with you? (Gut check time.) ____________________

____________________________________________________


Bonus Section:

How Do You Feel When You’re with Him?

You can analyze the guy to death, and on paper he looks perfect,

but the final say comes from your heart and your mind. Is this a

man you can see yourself with long-term, if that’s what you’re

looking for?

Answer these last questions—but beware, they may be the

hardest of the bunch!

Does he treat you with respect? __________________________

Does he make your heart flutter? _________________________

Do you believe he values your opinion? ____________________

Does he make you feel that you’re important to him? _________

Do you feel you’re important in his life? ____________________

Are you happy just being with him, even if you’re doing nothing

more exciting than watching TV? _________________________

Do you feel protected, listened to, and cherished by him? ______

____________________________________________________

Do you ever feel a pang of unease or anxiety around him? Even a


small one? ___________________________________________


question), why not? ____________________________________

____________________________________________________

And the big question…

If you listened to your gut, what would it tell you about this guy?

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________

____________________________________________________


Conclusion

So how did your guy do?

Is he the one you want to pursue a relationship with?

Or is it time to let him go and find the one you do want to be

with?

Do you feel like you understand men more than you did before

you read this book?

If I could put everything we’ve talked about in a nutshell, it would


be to love and honor yourself and don’t be afraid to end a

relationship if you need to. But one of the best ways to find the

guy you want is to be happy and open, and give him a chance (or

two).

Guys don’t always know what to do, but if he’s a good guy, his

heart and intentions are in the right place.

And don’t be so worried about “chemistry”. Both sexes place far

too much emphasis on it. Yes, amazing chemistry is a wonderful

feeling, but it may be fleeting. There are several types of

chemistry, and not all of them are as explosive at first as the

physical.

Spiritual, intellectual, mental, and emotional chemistry (or

compatibility) are just as (or more) important for a lasting and

loving relationship as physical chemistry is. It just happens that

physical chemistry will probably be the first one you two

experience.

Remember, amazing chemistry does not always equal a fantastic,


long-lasting connection. When we focus too much on chemistry,

we often fail in creating a real, live, good relationship. If you look

back at your own love history, you may see what I mean.

In the end, it doesn’t matter if your guy scored well or not: the

man for you is out there. And remember: you are enough by

yourself—you don’t need someone else to make you whole or

complete.

get inside a guy’s head: the smart woman’s guide to...

Documents