give me room to move my feet by mildred kiconco barya

For my familyYour love unchangeable

throughout the ages.

Selected Poems fromGive Me Room to Move My Feet

Mildred Kiconco Barya

Excerpts from the published work, Give Me Room to Move My Feet.Originally published in hardcover by Amalion Publishing 2009

Amalion PublishingBP 5637 Dakar-FannDakar CP 00004Senegal

www.amalion.net

Copyright © Mildred Kiconco Barya, 2009

ISBN 978-2-35926-001-4 HB

ISBN 978-2-35926-002-1 PB

Author’s photo © Martin Dixon

Cover designed by Will McCarty

Printed and bound in Great Britain

This edition of excerpts is not for sale. For more information on how to buythe complete original edition, go to www.amalion.net.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,transmitted, or stored in a retrieval system, in any form or by any means,without permission in writing from Amalion Publishing, nor be otherwisecirculated in any form of binding or cover than that in which it is published.

Contents

Revolving LivesExistential Cycle .................................................................................... 2What We Leave ..................................................................................... 3Living Out of a Suitcase ....................................................................... 4The Place Where You Begin (The Third World) ............................... 5Way in, Way out ................................................................................... 6Beyond the Crossing............................................................................. 7Skipping ................................................................................................. 8Sea and Sky ............................................................................................ 9The Perfect Match ............................................................................... 10Life’s Wounded ................................................................................... 11The Look of Pain ................................................................................. 12Greeting Moon .................................................................................... 13What Are We Here For? ..................................................................... 14I Shall Ask Grandma to Write Me a Recommendation ................. 15This Too Is Life .................................................................................... 16Where Do Street Kids Go When They Grow? ................................ 17Street Intelligence ............................................................................... 18Faceless ................................................................................................. 20November in Dakar ............................................................................ 21Escape ................................................................................................... 22Travellers ............................................................................................. 23Monday Mornings .............................................................................. 24

Stormy HeartStormy Heart ....................................................................................... 26Wash Down ......................................................................................... 28Medical Conditions ............................................................................ 29The Last Ring ....................................................................................... 30I Remember .......................................................................................... 31Decorum ............................................................................................... 32Familiar ................................................................................................ 33Is this life? ............................................................................................ 35Scarred .................................................................................................. 36

GiGiGiGiGivvvvve Me Me Me Me Me Re Re Re Re Room toom toom toom toom to Mo Mo Mo Mo Mooooovvvvve Me Me Me Me My Fy Fy Fy Fy Feeeeeeeeeettttt

Tell Me .................................................................................................. 37Things That Melt Us ........................................................................... 38If I Was ................................................................................................. 39Favourite Verb..................................................................................... 40

Before the Sun SinksAt the River’s Edge ............................................................................. 42Farewell Song ...................................................................................... 44Miracle Inside ...................................................................................... 45The Feeling ........................................................................................... 47Faraway ................................................................................................ 48Grandma and I .................................................................................... 49A Fragile Moment ............................................................................... 50The Element We Become ................................................................... 51Before the Sun Sinks ........................................................................... 52To My Sister with Laughter in Her Eyes ......................................... 53At the River’s Bend ............................................................................. 54Sipi ........................................................................................................ 55

The Pain of TendernessNectar ................................................................................................... 58The Moon Keepers .............................................................................. 59The Pain of Tenderness ...................................................................... 60Grilled Pain .......................................................................................... 61Smooth Fade ........................................................................................ 62A Wish .................................................................................................. 63Sick Heart ............................................................................................. 64Switchboard ......................................................................................... 65We Made Love in the Rain ................................................................ 66Elements of Love ................................................................................. 67Dream Carriers .................................................................................... 68Dear Trevor .......................................................................................... 69Africa so Same ..................................................................................... 70

Shame Has a PlaceRevolutionaries ................................................................................... 72Seth Africa ........................................................................................... 74They Could Have ................................................................................ 75What’s Native Can’t Harm You........................................................ 76Thisblessedcontinent .......................................................................... 77

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When I See Bleeding Hearts .............................................................. 78Soon ...................................................................................................... 79Thief ...................................................................................................... 80Dead End ............................................................................................. 81Just So You Know ............................................................................... 82When We Fall ...................................................................................... 83Ice and Fire .......................................................................................... 84The Divided Falls ................................................................................ 85

The Shape of DreamsThe Call ................................................................................................ 88For the Legend .................................................................................... 89Walking into the Den ......................................................................... 90Heaven ................................................................................................. 91Prayers and Promises ......................................................................... 92Popenguine .......................................................................................... 93Mender of the Broken......................................................................... 94Wish ...................................................................................................... 95Prints ..................................................................................................... 96The Dreamers ...................................................................................... 97On this Mount Elgon .......................................................................... 98Drink of the Deep ............................................................................... 99The Clarifier ....................................................................................... 101

Until the Last Breath Is DrawnEars ..................................................................................................... 104God’s Fool .......................................................................................... 105Parting ................................................................................................ 106Waiting ............................................................................................... 107The Great Saver ................................................................................. 108Seeds of His time .............................................................................. 109Coexistence ........................................................................................ 110A Little Balance ................................................................................. 112Africa Remains .................................................................................. 113Being People ...................................................................................... 114We Are Not Dealing with Fractions ............................................... 115God and Man..................................................................................... 116Portugal .............................................................................................. 117For Those Who Grow Tired of Waiting ......................................... 119


Acknowledgements

TrustAfrica. I appreciate you for believing. For giving me enoughroom to dream, to write this collection during my time as Writer inResidence. Special mention goes to Akwasi Aidoo and Jeanne Elone.You have continually fuelled my creative pursuits. Without youwords would be a desert and my pages so dry.

Per Ankh establishment. For teaching me what matters. Ayi KweiArmah, my mentor and midwife, I salute you. You filled my gourdwith beautiful thoughts.

My friend, Aissatou Ka. You know more than you can tell. You havekept me sane.

My beautiful souls: Karima Grant, Jackee Batanda, GorettiKyomuhendo, Sandra Okoed, Amani Gueye, Susan Kiguli andBeverley Nambozo. You constantly hold my candle. You do not giveup on me. Because of you my star shines.

My family. Your names are not written here. They are imprints onmy heart. I honour you with the ink of these poems.

Thomas J. Haslam, for arriving on time.

My publisher, Amalion, for an important step of trust andcollaboration.

Thank you.MK Barya.


Existential Cycle

Do you realise everything moves,Everything happens,Everything is nothing?

Do you not see nothing happens?

Do you realise nothing moves,Nothing ends,Everything ends?*

22222


The Place Where You Begin (The Third World)

Everyone calls us Third WorldIncluding our children,It seems so much the FirstA place where you make a clean startWhere you begin afresh.

It is true we were disorganisedPlagued with basic lacks and wantsRegular electricity, flowing water, a little hygieneWe must gather momentum to transposeTo a higher key—the Second WorldWhere we can afford bread and butterPay exorbitant taxesSend our children to school.Life spins on a complex fast forward,Lacking sophistication.

The Third World is bestYou can get a million things doneSeated in one placePress a switch, type in a passwordThe choice of transaction is yours,Fall in love. Watch a movie. Open a shop. Bank online.Ideal to some,Excessive to the modest, wanton extravagance.To the travellers it is worth exploring,To the goal setters worth reaching,To the dreamer it is reality.

Everyone calls us Third WorldIncluding our children.*

55555


The Perfect Match

I.She quarrels with her manbecause he likes to cook,he knows how.

II.She does all the choresher man can’t boil an egg,or find his socks.

I.She threatens to divorce becausehe picks up the laundry, empties the binand attends family planning sessions.

II.He has burnt her certificateshe demands she remains homeknitting shawls and breeding kids.

I.He brings her the job pagesso she may try her luckshe prefers staying home watching TV.

II.He points fingers and picks up an axechildren take cover under the bedsshe flees to the cattle shed.*

1010101010


Greeting Moon

The night is seductiveCome.The green trees will be our shadeAs we watch this sacred birth.

Head firstShe peeps outHer day in our night.

Now she’s following usWherever we moveOn her first day.

There she is ripe, roundSoon it will be farewellDeath and dawn.*

1313131313


Escape

EscapeIs what we look forWhen the familiar no longer holds

EscapeIs what we utterWhen our dreams have miscarried

EscapeIs what we seekWhen exiles are forced upon us

EscapeIs what we findWhen we turn our backs on each other.*

2222222222


The Last Ring

The phone should ringShould have rungA while ago.

Days, weeks, monthsI sit here knowingThe phone should ring any minute.

Days, weeks, monthsI notice a ring of greyAnd throw away the ring.*

3030303030


Scarred

He came to my doorWith many scars and much baggageI would have taken him in if he were lightWhere would I place his load?

Sadly he walked awayBowed by the weight of his burdenI swear I wanted to help himIf he wasn’t carrying his past.

He was stamped thereA part of the wastelandsHe wouldn’t let goHe was rooted there.

You know the feelingWhen one day help is limitedI would have given him a handIf he wasn’t stuck in the past.

He clutchedSplinters of broken yearsHe wouldn’t let goHe was fixed there.*

3636363636


Things That Melt Us

I hear it from the next roomThe sound of his steady hand stirring sugar in his teaLike he’s ringing a bellWith such energy one could put to greater useBut I am under the veilI only listen to my heart singing,Wanting and waiting.

On another day it’s a call he answersThe laughter in his voice tingles my skinHis warmth penetrates the wallHe laughs so well like an ocean rising, lapping the shore.

His humming is another thing,Lots of Earth songs, he’s well groundedHe sure makes my soul fly,I want to see his face.

I tell my sister I’m in loveWho is the fella? Her eyes glow for a storyAs far as truth is truth, there is none.She probes, thinking I’m playing a game,I give her the little I knowIs he single?Who knowsIs he available?Who can tellHow did you meet?We haven’t met,Wait this eveningYou will hear him come homeThen you’ll know for sure what I am talking aboutShe gives me the sorry-you’re-crazy-my-sister-look.

3838383838


Favourite Verb

Stay is a nice wordKinder than most verbs I knowIt’s like ice in warm hands,A fragrant scent in a roomA glowing fire on a cold night.

Stay is a dangerous wordDisarming than most weapons I knowA bomb in skilled handsA drug to an addictThe fury of the sun.*

4040404040


Miracle Inside

I sit in the chapel trying to make senseOf the white-washed wallsWhy the heart cannot be that cleanWhy the spirit must keep seeking

There’s a big crack through the plasterI think about the foundation, the bricksThe waterproof roofingBats have nests in the ceilingThe pastor’s words stolen

I look for the face of JesusHands cup my cheeksLips touch my skin and breathe on meA kiss so refreshing, unadulteratedTears run downIt’s sweet to cryThis visitation of mercyThe stone inside me melts.

I walk out of the chapel larger than vastnessThe preacher is concluding his sermonI do not wait on the steps outsideTo hear about last Sunday’s collectionI am carrying the benedictionWhen I reach home, I make a pyreFor the management books I’ve feverishly purchasedAnti-depressants, anti-stressors, how’s and be’sTo deal with the wrongness out thereI stand on the staircaseWatch them burn.

4545454545


Doors openI am surroundedI hear voices. Is she okay?It’s Jesus. He’s given me new life.At the mention of Jesus some walk awayShe has lost it, they say,Looking at me with pity in their eyesHe’s come to me. It’s Jesus, louder this time.I think we’ll have to take her awayThe Chairman of the area saysLosing no time I spring into my roomSecurely shut the door,Holding the miracle inside.*


Grandma and I

We are shelling peas on a reed mat on the verandaThe sky is clothed in variant shades of blueA few dark clouds scatter in circular motionsWhispers of wind are rhythmically trappedAnd released in the eucalyptus branchesThe river keeps on rollingIt’s hard to believe a few minutes agoHeavy rain was hereIt has left its smell on the leavesOn my breath, on the damp soil.Now there’s a drizzle and sun in conversationThis is the moment our ancestors called hyena’s weddingWhen rain drops and sun shines at the same timeI love it hereTo sit serenely with GrandmaLeave sound to our hands cracking podsSoaking in the seasons’ beauty.In a little whileThe sun will disappearWrapped in an orange and purple hueGrandma will say, ‘Daughter of Sunset,It’s time to get in the house.’Soon the holiday will be overI will return to the cityWhere no stars are seen in the night,No firefly glow,And there’s no Grandma,Daughter of Earth.*

4949494949


The Element We Become

I come clanging in copper braceletsJingling my gold ankletsEyes twinklingEars flashing polished diamond stonesMy quicksilver smile shimmeringA band of rubies falling on my neck.

You appear dressed in fireYour dark oiled skin a lustrous sheen

My smooth skin rubbed with ochreAdorned with hennaA riot of colourful beadsRising to the rhythm of my shaking waist.

We do our danceOur feet light as windOur pulsating bodies one riverFlowing and flooding the bankSkin in skinHeart in heartAnd Earth listening to the element we become.*

5151515151


Before the Sun Sinks

Before the sun sinksI shall go to the riverFind a rock to sit my soulPlace my feet in the waters.

Before the sun sinksI shall play my thumb pianoSing songs of my mentorsCompose new notes for tomorrow.

Before the sun sinksI shall make loveLet go of sorrowRelease shadows of torn countries and lost heritage.*

5353535353


Grilled Pain

SometimesPain is not what hurts mostBut desire

SometimesSadness is not as heavyAs emptiness

You should knowLoss isn’t badLonging is

Now you knowRestlessness doesn’t killDeferred hope does.*

6161616161


Smooth Fade

This fadinginto nothingdo you feel it?

I’d rather we crashedlike cymbals struckthunder tearingkente cloth ripping.

Not this smooth fadelike cinema lights dimming.

Pick your odorfrom my bedbring back the keystake me instead

I remind me of you.*

6262626262


Dream Carriers

How does it feelto watch a future slip from your reach?

Is it like losing ground in a job interviewbreaking you in cold sweat?

Is it like the thrash of a harmattan windwhipping desert sand in your face?

Or it’s like stabbing an open sorewhose pounding pain is deeper than the wound itself?

Is it like a headache whose splitting effectspreads to the toes?

How does it feel to watch your dreamsslip from your reach?*

6868686868


Dead End

I see your green light doesn’t signal the usual passageDoesn’t differ from the red and yellowThe path to you is heavily jammed.

I sit back taking my usual shot of coffee, readingConstitutional walks as you go through the motionsRoutines of the day.

One day all will be clear that nobody left the otherOur lights were nothingBut shadows at the terminal.*

8181818181


When We Fall

TodayI skinned a vultureAnd divided the meatAmong us.

MotherRefused her shareDo you know what vultures feed on?On us, I said.

We are foodFor vultures hoveringReady to swoopWhen we fall.*

8383838383


The Call

Come to the edge, he saidIt’s dangerous there, I answeredCome to the edge, he saidI might fall and break my bonesCome to the edge, he saidI didHe pushed meAnd I flew.*

8888888888


For the Legend

His eyes describe a place where hope has beenLove fighting the fiercest battleHearts ripped apartRaw redness revealed.

His walk chronicles lossCarried over yearsAn emptiness that grows largerBecoming a part of his skin.

His talk evokes ruinSet for the pyreTo rise like a phoenix.*

8989898989


Heaven

Heaven is a bridgeWhere two hearts come together as one.

Heaven is a siteWhere flawed clay meets the potter.

Heaven is a pointWhere hate and indifference melt.

Heaven is all around usYet we wear thick blinds to feel to see.*

9191919191


Prayers and Promises

I gave you a poem for all your watchfulness

You sent me a prayer for all my unbelief

I packaged my promises to match your dreams

You showed me pictures of all we could be

Is that all?*

9292929292


Popenguine

For Ayi Kwei Armah

There’s something sacred and bird-likeThe catholic would say it’s the pope in the nameThe free would say it’s the penguinThere is release in this placeWe are grouped together in the house of lifeBuilding skeletons while flesh takes form.

We read books, swim and flyWe learn phrases in hieroglyphsThere’s a seduction in that languageLike the lure of a baby’s smile,Like an old man’s open door, inviting.

We become voyagersCreating words from ocean wavesHumming tunes out of windAt dawn we rise with the sun on the rockAt dusk we watch the sun sink into the sea.

Night opens her gate, crafting continuesEach finds a part to playWatching, thinking, living, lovingSwinging in the hammockUnfolding patterns of dreamsIn the arms of Per Ankh.*

9393939393


Ears

Mother used to shush us‘Walls have ears,’In this IDP campThere are no wallsMother saysFences can hear.

We are displaced hereBut I askHow can we be displaced?No, thank you very muchWe are placed hereWhere there is a large fence and no walls.

We dig bunkers to dive inWhen bombs go offLoud and shattering like deathWe do not open our lipsEverything here has ears.*

104104104104104


Waiting

It seems to meWaiting is the wheel we spin onGet the right pair of bootsA song to last the night.

The wick flickers, loyal to hopeSome things we’ve got to admit overstretch waitingBabies born in camps grow to voting ageWithout memory of a night of peace.

There are refugees trapped in a pauseLike a comma in the wrong placeLonging for a period of calm, a homeA future and a pathwayAt the intersection of hope.

Between suspension and fulfilment stagnancy threatensThe optimistic, fatalistic, pessimistic, cynic lotIf it matters, matters not to hopeIn the final transformation reel.*

107107107107107

About the Author

Mildred Kiconco Barya’s first book of poetry, Men Love ChocolatesBut They Don’t Say (2002), won the National Poetry Award inUganda. The Price of Memory After the Tsunami, her second collection,was published in 2006 to critical acclaim. Her short stories include‘Scars of Earth’, ‘Effigy Child’, ‘Those Days of Ebola’ and ‘Land ofMy Bones’. Barya was born in Uganda and educated at MakerereUniversity, Uganda; Moi University, Kenya and the InternationalWomen’s University, Germany.

About the Publisher

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We seek to provide a platform for authors to express new, alternativeand daring perspectives and views on people, places, events, andissues shaping our world. We engage authors to go beyond existingrealities to chart new terrains and domains of knowledge production.We cover monographs, textbooks, journals and literary writing.

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give me room to move my feet by mildred kiconco barya

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