Give & TakeGive & TakeThe choice we all makeThe choice we all make

Relationship Seminar #1Relationship Seminar #1

2010-03-192010-03-19

Scenario 1Scenario 1

Are you a giver or taker?Are you a giver or taker?

When one meets the otherWhen one meets the other

When two givers meet?When two givers meet?

When two takers meet?When two takers meet?

When a taker and a giver meet?When a taker and a giver meet?

When one meets the otherWhen one meets the other

When two givers meet?When two givers meet? Idealistic?Idealistic?

When two takers meet?When two takers meet? Power strugglePower struggle

When a taker and a giver meet?When a taker and a giver meet? Perfect? Sooner or later problems will Perfect? Sooner or later problems will

arise.arise.

Song – You can’t hurry loveSong – You can’t hurry love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw5RkzbHb-w

You can't hurry loveYou can't hurry loveNo, you just have to waitNo, you just have to waitShe said love don't come easyShe said love don't come easyIt's a game of give and takeIt's a game of give and take

You can't hurry loveYou can't hurry loveNo, you just have to waitNo, you just have to waitYou got to trust, give it timeYou got to trust, give it timeNo matter how long it takes No matter how long it takes

DiscussionDiscussionShe said love don't come easyShe said love don't come easy

It's a game of give and takeIt's a game of give and take Do you agree? How much % do you give Do you agree? How much % do you give

and how much % do you take? Is it good and how much % do you take? Is it good to give 100%?to give 100%?

90%? 100%?90%? 100%?

"Some of the biggest challenges in "Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They're trying to find to get something. They're trying to find someone who's going to make them feel someone who's going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.take.““ - Anthony Robbins - Anthony Robbins

Give-and-take?Give-and-take?

Many people will tell you that for a Many people will tell you that for a happy relationship, you need what happy relationship, you need what they describe as "give-and-take".they describe as "give-and-take".

What you need is "give and give." What you need is "give and give." And give again. And again.And give again. And again.

That's the royal road to happiness.That's the royal road to happiness.

2 Corinthians 8:1-22 Corinthians 8:1-2

Now I want you to know, dear Now I want you to know, dear brothers and sisters, what God in his brothers and sisters, what God in his kindness has done through the kindness has done through the churches in Macedonia. They are churches in Macedonia. They are being tested by many troubles, and being tested by many troubles, and they are very poor. But they are also they are very poor. But they are also filled with abundant joy, which has filled with abundant joy, which has overflowed in rich generosity. overflowed in rich generosity.

Generation Me? Takers?Generation Me? Takers? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8Tv3e8ZVeo This is not the same thing as being selfish This is not the same thing as being selfish –– it it

is captured, instead, in the phrases we so is captured, instead, in the phrases we so often hear: "Be yourself," "Believe in often hear: "Be yourself," "Believe in yourself," "You must love yourself before you yourself," "You must love yourself before you can love someone else." These are some of can love someone else." These are some of our culture's most deeply entrenched beliefs, our culture's most deeply entrenched beliefs, and Generation Me has grown up hearing and Generation Me has grown up hearing them whispered in our ears like the them whispered in our ears like the subliminally conditioned children in Aldous subliminally conditioned children in Aldous Huxley's Brave New World.Huxley's Brave New World.

The Problem?The Problem?

We appear to be givers, but in actual We appear to be givers, but in actual truth we are mostly takers.truth we are mostly takers.

We only give 10%. Only give when we We only give 10%. Only give when we are abundant, not when we are are abundant, not when we are lacking.lacking.

There is an element missing: JesusThere is an element missing: Jesus’’ Sacrificial Love.Sacrificial Love.

Example: bath Esther even when I am Example: bath Esther even when I am exhausted myself.exhausted myself.

When do I give?When do I give?

Scenario 2: A girl who starts her first Scenario 2: A girl who starts her first date. She ponders: date. She ponders: ““The bible says The bible says love never fails, so I should keep on love never fails, so I should keep on giving. I dongiving. I don’’t want to be selfish, I will t want to be selfish, I will give whatever he wants, within or give whatever he wants, within or out of my ability. I will give him out of my ability. I will give him everything I haveeverything I have……. including . including myselfmyself…… and I will give him.. NOW! and I will give him.. NOW!”” Problem?Problem?

When do I take?When do I take?

Scenario 3. I had 2 relationships in the Scenario 3. I had 2 relationships in the past. Both of my ex are younger than past. Both of my ex are younger than me. I have always been the one who me. I have always been the one who gives. I am tired of it. I also wish I can gives. I am tired of it. I also wish I can be spoiled a bit. I will be a taker in my be spoiled a bit. I will be a taker in my next relationship. I will not reveal too next relationship. I will not reveal too much of myself this time, or put lots of much of myself this time, or put lots of affection in. I will be Extra, Exceeding, affection in. I will be Extra, Exceeding, and Extreme cautious. I will not trust and Extreme cautious. I will not trust anyone easily anymore. Problem?anyone easily anymore. Problem?

SolutionSolution

Giving requires wisdom. Giving requires wisdom. Give what they need Give what they need –– fulfilling sense of fulfilling sense of

security & value.security & value. People take time to receive.People take time to receive. Too many spoiled kids.Too many spoiled kids.

Taking requires wisdom.Taking requires wisdom. Take to give.Take to give. Take to show trust. Take to show trust. Take to express your need. Take to express your need.

Paul’s Give & Take policyPaul’s Give & Take policy

Ask for prayer Ask for prayer –– give or take? give or take? Ask for help Ask for help –– give or take? give or take? Share each otherShare each other’’s burdens s burdens –– give or give or

take?take?

Paul’s Give & Take policyPaul’s Give & Take policy

The good receiver will take and give. The good receiver will take and give. Acts 20:35 says " It is more blessed Acts 20:35 says " It is more blessed

to give than to receive".to give than to receive". In the bible relationships are In the bible relationships are

reciprocal. reciprocal.

How do you give & take? How do you give & take? Motive matters?Motive matters?

撒母耳記上 撒母耳記上 1 Samuel 16:71 Samuel 16:7 耶和華卻對撒母耳說耶和華卻對撒母耳說 , , 不要看他的外貌和他不要看他的外貌和他

身材高大身材高大 , , 我不揀選他我不揀選他 . . 因為因為 , , 耶和華不像耶和華不像人看人人看人 , , 人是看外貌人是看外貌 . . 耶和華是看內心耶和華是看內心 ..

But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."but the LORD looks at the heart."

Wrong motives of give and takeWrong motives of give and take Give or take in a selfish way?Give or take in a selfish way?

I give because I look better. I give because I look better. I take because I need.I take because I need.

Give or take in a boastful way?Give or take in a boastful way? I give because you canI give because you can’’t. t. I take because I deserve.I take because I deserve.

Give or take in a greedy way?Give or take in a greedy way? I give because I want to get more back. I give because I want to get more back. I take because the more the better.I take because the more the better.

What if? I just can’t give or takeWhat if? I just can’t give or take

CanCan’’t givet give Repent Repent –– ask God to forgive you. ask God to forgive you. Restore Restore –– ask God to restore love in you. ask God to restore love in you. Restart Restart –– do it and enjoy the blessings of do it and enjoy the blessings of

givinggiving CanCan’’t taket take

Examine why I canExamine why I can’’t take. Pride? t take. Pride? Selfishness? Greed? Selfishness? Greed?

Repent, Restore, Restart.Repent, Restore, Restart.

Is God a giver or taker?Is God a giver or taker?

God is the ultimate giver. He gives God is the ultimate giver. He gives 100%, even died for us on the cross 100%, even died for us on the cross for us.for us.

Our needs of security and value are Our needs of security and value are satisfied in Him.satisfied in Him.

We should learn to be like God the We should learn to be like God the giver. giver.

ConclusionConclusion

Learn to be like Jesus, try to give 100%Learn to be like Jesus, try to give 100% Learn that you cannot give 100%, only Learn that you cannot give 100%, only

God can.God can. GenMe, learn to give when you are poor. GenMe, learn to give when you are poor. Learn to take so others can be blessed. Learn to take so others can be blessed. Learn to take & give.Learn to take & give. Be wise when you give or take.Be wise when you give or take. Repent, Restore, Restart.Repent, Restore, Restart. Examine yourself constantly with 1 Cor Examine yourself constantly with 1 Cor

13.13.

What is love?What is love?Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,

it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily

angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.(1 Corinthians 13:4-8a, NIV)

Questions?Questions?