Glimpses

By: Bianca Siregar ENGLISH 10

Feel like a black goat in a field full of white fluffy sheep, I feel uncomfortable in my elementary school uniform. The school has not give the new student their uniform for our first week of torturing orientation. Unluckily my friends are still in the admission office to take some books and stationery. In result, I have to go the cafeteria on my own. I’m craving for food since the first hour of school, can’t stand it. I will find another friend there, I think. I am walking inside the cafeteria, looking straight; I can see the crowds are queuing for food in the booths. I can see some of the seniors are just like cats and dogs, joking and chasing each other around. Some of them are paying and some of them are holding their food and walking back to their table. Observing people around me, I feel like I’m just being late and when I open the class’ door everyone is looking at me. It feels like I’m in a graveyard with some people. Everyone is there but I’m still feeling so afraid I feel strange and awkward at the same time. I’m starting to feel myself that sadly I’m not belong here. Just for now, maybe.Logically they would not do something extreme that will effected my feeling. ‘This is the first day, everything will be alright.’ The foods vendor keeps taking the food from kitchen back there, they are remembering orders and counting all the changes. Cafeteria is crowded and everyone know that i’m a new student. The worst part is I look so ‘eye catchy’ because of the color of my uniform is different with the others . It is getting any worst and worst. The more I think, more I feel awkward. More I feel like I have to go back to the class and waiting for my friends there. I am regretting my decision of challenging myself and trying to fit in into people. Bad timing. My heart is pounding this time. ‘Should I go back to the class or just do it quick ,grab and go?’. Light and easy, I pick some black-peppered chicken strips and put in the styrofoam box . Grab a fork and a tomato ketchup . Pay it and now i’m waiting for the change. Once I look behind my back to check whether one of my friends are already there they will calm me down. I feel like i’m floating in the middle of pacific ocean an waiting for a boat to rescue me. I’m waiting my prince to come. A minute seems like FOREVER.

I’m not The only-one, I guest

July 2008

Suddenly couples of deep-eyes of black cat eyes are staring deeply in mine. Those cats are mean. After watching each of my step they are successfully make me curious and super afraid. I remember the same feeling when i fell so guilty of come home late and didn’t answer any of my mom messages. Well, its starting to hurt my feeling when they shot their most disregardful looked at me. Sharp, bold, mean and so irritating. Now my heart feels like a jungle drum. The beat getting faster and stronger. Something is coming and i can’t really see.

The feeling when someone is following me suddenly all over my heart someone is getting closer to me. My senses are working, clear as crystal glass,even if my stomach is craving. I can feel its against and also towards me. In one side she is pushing me, on the other side she is also pushing her body towards mine. My eyes meets her eyes. “ Excuse me” She speaks meanly. There was the start.My heart pounding. Take a step and rotate my body. All I can think about is to go straight back to class. Another step I take, another feeling I make, another worry flying through my mind . I’m walking and try to make some space for my body between the crowds. Suddenly,someone just called my name. Snap.“Who is it??” i feel like a fool i just run to my classroom. my face is blushing and turn into red. Sliding to the back seat and some of my friends is there. i t tell her my story and since that time i’ll never get my self alone in the canteen.

My heart beats like a jungle drum. My sights keep looking at clock on the wall. I comb my hair with my finger, tiding my shirt and my fingers keep moving , trying to remember all the movements I practiced yesterday night. My nerves is like an active Volcano, right in its’ maximum level ready to be explode. Like a tap dancer, my foot couldn’t stop tapping rewinding the tempo and sing the melody in my head. Press repeat and repeat.

Perfect thing, they called my name a second ago. Rising up from my chair, rotating my body toward the light. Take three steps then stop. I close my eyes and .  Just about to take a really deep breathe, I feel like someone is punching right to my stomach . I can’t breathe. My mind start to controlling my emotion. Inhale and exhale. A person right behind me , lightly rub my back and whisper ‘Good luck’. Smile a bit and I exhaling my breathe. ‘It’s show time’Take a really bold step ,forward. My mom always told me when I was young that :“When you are presenting something in front of people, imagine they are now a cow or a chicken just something  ridiculous. Make sure you can imagine yourself that they can’t response your performance. Always look forward, chin up, relax, smile and take a point across the stage with your eyes. Do not care about everybody. This is your time.” I wouldn’t be bother if I do that. While remembering the tempo of the song. Looking to the right, I wish the spotlight are not there right high-lighting the giant black machine. The memory right repeating on my mind when the first time I can see a filled of full cow in front of me.   Slow but sure, step by step I take, now i’m next to the big black machine. Facing them I bow down while pulling the edges of my cheeks to show a line in my face. They clap their foots. The giant spotlight is blinding my eyes, make it impossible to look anything.

Take a deep quick look to find where my father is. two second and i find him there on the forth row, holding his phone and take a picture of me. It chills me a bit. Slowly I put my body back seating on the chair. I can feel a quiet moment, and I don’t want to make it even longer. the whole room are focusing on me. I’m the centre of the show. I put my finger on the white board and start pushing them. I sing inside my heart while my eyes keep focusing on my finger movement. When the melody get into the hard part, I take a slight breathe and turn in up the volume of the song in my heart automatically become bigger . My foot is also do its part by pulling and pushing to handle the pedal. Parts of my body are working together. Sometimes i move my body a bit, make this song enjoyable in my ear. Thank God ,i’m enjoying it.

Right after the final notes are finally counted, slowly i take my fingers off the board and my feet is pulling and get back from the pedal to the floor. back in my foot facing them, i bow for the second time and feeling good of myself. now i can show my teeth to the rest of the crowds who watching me.

In the backstage my teacher tap my back and says“Well done Bianca, you did a great job” I walk back to my seat with a big smile in my heart. Feeling proud I smile once to give an appreciation to my self. Yes, I will be getting better next time.

My First Piano Recital

October 2005

Today is different , tomorrow is January. From

the morning when I woke up I’ve decided to use this

day as much as I can .

‘Today is going to be great!’ My heart whispering.

drinking a glass of water and running to the bath room.

It is a freezing morning and i took a quick

shower without washing my hair. In the speed of light i

put my sweater back on and make sure i’ve bring the

gloves inside the pocket o my coat. I can see bird are

flying in the blue -ocean sky. I can’t see the sun

shining ,it’s hiding between the white clouds.

I’m walking down beside the Notre Dame

church . Like a chocolate monster, I’m chewing my

nuttela  crepes , holding a cup of hot chocolate on my right hand while walking and enjoying the view. I’ve

been eating like mad since yesterday, because the

weather is getting colder each day. The wind is angrily

biting my bones.

The best thing I can do after all day shopping

with mom and dad is enjoying the view and of course

eating more and more. They have good food here in

Paris. My foot are hurts, we walk so much today. My

hands are wrapped with wool gloves. My hand feel safe.

Fresh breeze is slapping my face in random direction.

The streets are still wet and sometimes the snow is also

falling down.

It is 11 o’clock at night. Once or twice we stop

walking because the weather is too cold.   We’re enjoying the view and watching people walk in their

coats, bringing shopping bags and christmas song are

everywhere. The city light captured our eyes and the

lights are turn on down low. I cant stop eating because

I’m so hungry and the weather is getting really cold.

My father keep taking. pictures of my mom, my sister

and of course me. It feels so good that we can spend

our time together . My parents are giving their whole

attention and i feel so safe around them. We finally

decide to stop at Pizza Pino and eat for the 6th time of

the day. My mom can’t stand herself of walking

anymore outside. Ask for table of 4, the nice guy guides

us upstairs, and we could see that the restaurant is full.

Fortunately, we are seating right beside the big

window and the view is the Champs Elysees. I order

some dishes. One of my favorite is The Bacon pizza.

After waiting for a while the

food is right in our table. It is so delicious, the cheese

delicate my tongue.

We have a great conversation while enjoying the

fireworks popping brightly in the sky. Everyone is

cheering saying happy new year.

I’m loving this time, what a great way to start this

year.

The City of Love

December 2009

My parents have never imagine this is the day they have been waiting for. in the last 270 days, my mom had carried me all the way around wherever she go. My father has done a terrific job of taking care of my mother and make sure she got what she need during his pregnancy. I can feel this is my day. I’m going to be free and see the world today. My mother is in her dental clinic, working and handling her first patient of the day. That morning the sun shining brightly. The light is warming the morning. and finally she whispered in her heart “ GOD, the baby is coming” I can hear she calls my father on the way to the hospital near her woking place, it’s only take three minutes and we are already arrived. Some of her friends are coming with us, with the way she talks, i can see she is so panic. I can feel my mother’s heart beating so fast and she couldn’t control her breathe. Her gentle hand holding her stomach and i am keep moving searching for my comfortable space around this pool. Sometimes i get dizzy. From direction i can feel something are pushing me to go outside this cage . I follow it, Now i can feel my mom is keep trying to letting me out. I can hear it’s so noisy outside. Curling my foot to my chest ,i bite my finger and think “what happened?” I decided to help her and pushing my body toward the exit door . I keep pressing forward it and there’s nothing i can do. Oh okay, I’m stuck. I realize that the size of my head is to big. i’m so confuse. “Can i get out and see the world?or i’m dying in here”

Saying Hello to The World.

It doesn’t hurt anyway...but my head is expanding it’s size. Becoming longer and longer. Wow it feels like a magic trick is working inside of me. The sound of the vacuum is getting louder, and at the same time ,slow but sure i can see the light of the room. Blurry through my eyes everything in front of me is in light torquiest color . the doctor and nurse are smiling in the same time.

“ Congratulation mam, your baby is perfect and healthy”

They clean me with couples wipe of warm water and wrap me with a very soft blanket. this is feel so much more comfortable ten inside there. now the man is holding me and move me to my mother’s arm. i feel safe and feeling better. i feel amazing and i can feel the euphoria. now i’m crying as loud as i can. i’m saying hello to the world. my father take over me and kiss gently on the cheek.Feeling amazing, Hello World I am here.

My heart is breaking a part, my mind is not working , my body is too tired to take another move. Even my note book are full with list of things to-do, loads of notes . God sake, i can’t stand these feelings. As soon as the class dismissed i grab my bag and run downstairs looking for a friend. I’m ignoring everybody , i throw my sight all around. Someone is calling my name, and i keep walking . My vision is completely black, my brain is full, and feels i’m about to throwing up. I catch a bench and seating my self on it. Drinking some water across the main stair, hoping that a friend will come right after. My juniors are looking at me an Yes this world is still fair and care about the broken pieces of my heart. A good friend of mine is rushing down the stairs while holding her school stuff. watching me crying she is slowing down and instantly hugging me. feeling safe a little bit and cry a little more. I lean my body to hers, let my tears falling down and wetting my dirty uniform. “What’s wrong? Are you okay bi? Tell me the story, what happened?”My body is still, with no expression, closed eyes and tears are keep falling down. the drops become faster , now it drops to the floor. My hands is not strong enough to wipe my face. “Hey Bi, talk to me. What’s wrong?” she is shacking my body while trying to see my face. I lean my body more to her si she wouldn’t be able to see my face. she is hugging me again, now with soft rubs and i can hear she is typing her blackberry with the other hand

Upside Down

Mouth of mine is shacking and i’m trying to say something. “ I’m stressed out. I can’t stand these crazy schedule. I’m screwed” Suddenly the rest of my best friends are there and make me as the centre of them. One of them is giving me drink, some of them are taking my bags off and giving tissues. That evening turning into a right serious talk. they are giving me suggestion and advices. They are supporting me. “It’s okay to be failed bi, learn from mistakes. We’re in your site. Anytime we’re helping you” I exhale my breathe and hug them all . I can feel the love is around. it feels so good to be surrounded by your loved one.

We are the seniors and we are free. All the hard works has been paid off with the announcement that we are fully graduated. Now, I am at the saloon and texting my friends asking where they are, what are they wearing tonight. I know i’m going to be late. The party will be starting at 6.30 and at six i just get my hair done.. The sun is not in the sky anymore. The monster inside my stomach is growling i hasn’t take my l lunch because i helped the crews of preparing all the things we need for the party.

In the car i cant stop looking myself in the mirror and make sure i always look fine. My hair is right on its place and my face is nice to look at. My mind are full with things to do once i get home. I just can’t calm myself down because i can’t wait for the party to be started. Combing my hair, put some lip gloss on and keep doing it until i get back home.

As soon as the car stops, i run upstairs and straightly forward walking into my room. I’ve fitted my dress since a month ago after the exam was finished . And now i’m perfectly sure that is the perfect one. Foot into my heels. Grab my clutch and run to my friend’s car. They have been waiting for me for twenty minutes and i still polishing my face with colors as soon as i get in there.

We are all rushing to the hotel. Everyone is already in there. i go inside the ballroom and making the grand entrance . Everyone are greetings me. I hug all of my friend and congratulate them for being graduated. “ We are high shooler guys...woo hooo!!” we tossed our hands . The girls start to chatting while enjoying the dinner. The food are all delicious and satisfying. Suddenly a friend of mine take the microphone and recall everyone to raise their glass“ For our friendship, forever friends, all the best luck for years ahead” i can hear the glasses are toasting against each other and we are all shouting loudly with so much joy and satisfaction in our heart.

We spend the rest of the night with watching a video we make ourselves, remembering all school activities from grade 7 until the final examination on grade 9. However the best part is when the DJ turning up our favorite song. We dance around untl around 11 o’clock. it i had a really good time and it as a real night to remember

A Night to Remember