more well behaved they’relikely to be.

9 Let them pack their carry-on themselves: It’s amazingto see how much care andprecision they’ll put into it.Add some colouring books,markers, and crayons, and agoodie bag full of sweettreats.

9 Let them buy a kid-themedneck pillow at the airport

HOW TO SURVIVE A LONG-HAUL FLIGHT

The secrets to surviving along-haul flight with youngchildren, according to NancyHarper:9 Take them shopping before-

hand and let them pick outtheir own carry-on bag:Choosing their own, prefera-bly one with wheels, canreally make a child feelgrown up – and the moregrown up they feel, the

and bring along at least onefavourite teddy bear.

9 Bring little games: playingcards, brain teasers, wordsearches.

9 Let them watch as much TVas they want … and whenall else fails, let them go totown on those hand-heldvideo games. After all, long-haul flights demand a newset of rules.

A reader writes: I volunteeredat a theatre company with afriend whom I’ve known formore than 30 years. Last year,he had a falling out with thecompany over his behaviourin front of paying clients. Hewas asked to leave. Since then,he has had nothing to do withthe company, and wanted hisfriends to follow suit. My hus-band and I have decided tocontinue our relationship withthe company. As a result ourfriend won’t talk to us, andhas cut us completely out ofhis life. What should I do?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Let’s hear from you

If you would like to participate,e-mail us at grouptherapy@glo-beandmail.com. Questions arepublished anonymously, but wewill include your name and com-munity if we use your response(it will be edited).

NEXT WEEK’S QUESTION

L2 G T H E G LO B E A N D M A I L • F R I DAY , J U LY 2 0 , 2 0 1 2• GLOBE LIFE

Group Therapy is a relationshipadvice column that asks readersto contribute their wisdom.

A reader writes: My forty-something son split with his sec-ond wife 18 months ago becauseof gender-identity issues. Hewants to become a woman anddresses accordingly. I think myson is courageous, but I wouldlike advice on how our family –especially his teenaged son andpreschool-aged daughter – candeal with the change. His son isat a critical phase in his lifewhere peer pressure could beoverwhelming as his father’stransition becomes commonknowledge. My wish, howeverbelated, is that my son couldhave chosen a better time andplace to deal with his genderissues.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Help prep your grandson

For the younger one, consistencyand keeping things relativelynormal is probably best. Remem-

ber that kids will take cues fromadults – if you give off the im-pression (knowingly or unknow-ingly) that you’re not okay withthis, they too will not be okaywith it.

As for the teenaged son, allowfor questions to come naturally,and see if your son is willing togradually introduce his son to hisnew lifestyle. Help your grand-son come up with a strategy sohe is not caught off-guard byanyone asking him about his sit-uation. Consult with a counsel-lor, or see if there are otherresources available to him. Theremay be other people his age whohave dealt with or are dealingwith the same thing.– Marina Dias, Thompson, Man.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Dad should put things on hold

I can’t even imagine the chronicangst that a transgendered per-son must feel prior to makingthe decision to go ahead withgender re-assignment.

Having said that, your grand-son is at a vulnerable stage in hislife, and his emotional well-beingmust be the first consideration.It’s pretty much guaranteed hewould suffer tremendous socialstigmatization by his peers if hisfather were to continue with hisgender transition right now. Dadneeds to postpone the processfor a few years and, in the mean-time, go back to dressing and

looking like a man. He owes it tohis son.– Cindy Hunter, St. John’s. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Find specialized help

As a psychotherapist, my adviceis that the family might want toaddress the parent’s gender tran-sition in much the same waythey would deal with any otherbig change. They need to talkopenly about their feelings andneeds, and negotiate how theywill share the news with friendsand the larger community.They’ll likely need a trans-posi-tive psychotherapist or supportgroup to figure out options.– Farzana Doctor, Toronto. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

THE FINAL WORD. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The first thing your grandsonwill need is the knowledge thathe is not alone in this situation.It will help him immensely, asMarina mentions, to talk to otherteens who have gone throughthe same experience.

He may feel like he’s losing hisfather. Let him know it’s normalto experience a sense of loss. It’sbetter he shares his feelings ofanger and hurt with you, his sup-port network, so he can maintainhis relationship with his parent.

It’s important for you to edu-cate yourself and find reputableinformation from organizationssuch as PFLAG and its transgen-

der network, TNET. They willhelp you learn strategies to sup-port your family.

I understand Cindy’s senti-ment, but it sounds like thingshave already progressed andthere’s no going back. As Farzanasuggests, you should participatein discussions about who willfind out, when and how. Yourgrandson is probably worriedabout how he’s going to tell hisfriends, and what will happenduring events such as parent-teacher night or social functions?It may be too hard for his moth-er to be with him when heinforms people. Having you near-by would be helpful. Start withpeople whose reactions will bepositive, then work your wayout.

You can also be the hip grand-ma by role-playing various reac-tions from people and helpingyour grandson come up with ap-propriate answers. Don’t assumepeople will always react nega-tively. You’d be surprised at howwell-informed other teens canbe.

It’s important to let go of anyfeelings that something tragichas happened. The most impor-tant thing for kids to know isthat they’re still supported andloved, no matter what.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Regina-based Zarqa Nawaz is thecreator of Little Mosque on thePrairie.

My son is changing gender. How can I help his family?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

ZARQA NAWAZGROUP THERAPYgrouptherapy@globeandmail.com

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But over all, when you lookback, you forget all that stuff.

What shines through is theamazing stuff you did together.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

In the book, you describe someof your worst mother moments.What stands out?

Camping in a tent in NorthernAustralia, when it was monsoonseason and there was lightning. Iseriously thought, “What am Idoing here?” When the riversflood, the [threat of] crocodiles isa little bit more ominous. I justkept thinking that if we don’t gethit by lightning and die in thistent, a crocodile is going to comeand eat us.

And definitely in Malaysia,when my youngest was out on aparasailing boat with a guy we’dnever met and no life jacket andneither one of us was out therewith her. That was brutal.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

What was the low point?

Probably when we all had foodpoisoning in Malaysia. We atesomething that, I think, wasn’tfresh. Within 12 hours or so, wewere all on a ferry, throwing up. Ijust remember there were hun-dreds of Saudi Arabians on thisferry, and the women, all dressedin full black abayas, were staringat me as I puked over the side ofthe ferry into the South Chinasea, and my kids puked inside.And this ferry was so overcrowd-ed. I thought it was going to sinkand we were going to die and itwas all going to be my fault.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Everyone survived, though. Solets talk about the good times –what’s your fondest memory?

The highlight was our time inSouth Africa. That was a hugecultural gift for me – to be able toimmerse the kids and have themtalk to people from other places.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

What did you learn about yourfamily?

I learned that being together iseverything. I love being withthem, and it’s fun.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Do you have any advice for par-ents who are fearful of doing atrip like this with their children?

Very few parents that I knowwould want to do to a DisneyWorld trip, if it was up to them.We should perhaps give our kidsa little more credit that they canhandle something more adultand more interesting. Ratherthan look at the Disney-stylevacation as being the onlyoption, look at what you as anadult would like to do and thenwork out ways your kids can fitinto that. You can take them outof their comfort zone and youcan take yourself out of yourcomfort zone, and have someexperiences that are much moreinteresting.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

You must have pulled your kidsfrom school – did they have anytrouble reintegrating?

I home-schooled for a fewmonths, and then for a fewmonths they were enrolled in anAustralian public school, which

they loved. Reintegrating seemseasy because the other kids andthe teachers are always interestedin what they’ve been doing.

For the Central America trip,they will probably only missabout seven weeks of school. Mybiggest challenge will be makingsure I understand the unitsthey’ll be missing in math. I’ll getthem to work on those, write in ajournal and read – that’s about it.I’m not at all concerned thatthey’ll be missing out on otherparts of the curriculum. I thinkthat learning as they go about geography, nature, the people, language, is the best kind ofclassroom they could ever hopefor.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

How did you afford this? (Ms.Harper is a marketing writer,and her husband is self-employed as a handyman andgardener.)

We’re not wealthy, but we do livepretty frugally day to day. That’skey. We rarely go out for dinner.Much of the stuff we have in ourhouse is second-hand.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

When you got back home, wereyour friends with kids inspiredto try something similar?

Yeah, I think many are, but mostdon’t think that they can. A yearaway is definitely unusual. Butwhat I would say is you don’thave to do what we did. Focus onwhat do you want to do, and howcan you make that happen.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

This interview has been condensedand edited.

FROM PAGE 1

Travel: Worst mom moment? When she thought a crocodile was going to eat them. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

‘We should perhaps give our kids a little more credit that they can handle something more adult and more interesting,’ Ms. Harper says.

South Africa was a ‘cultural gift … to be able to immerse the kids and have them talk to people from other places.’

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