grad school and adhd
DESCRIPTION
An Experience of Grad School of an ADHDerTRANSCRIPT
Grad School and ADHD
December 8, 2011 | By Jax Sanders, Ph.D. Student, Physics
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 4.1% of the U.S. adult population has
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I’m one of that 4.1%; in August, I was diagnosed
with ADHD, primarily inattentive. Like most adults diagnosed with ADHD, I had ADHD as a
child, but my symptoms did not become problematic until I was under so much stress that
my coping mechanisms were no longer sufficient. In my case, that stress was graduate
school, and I spent much of my first two years severely impaired. The worst part of it was
that to an outside observer, my difficulties looked for all the world like laziness, while from
the inside, everything felt overwhelming.
The DSM-IV states that for an adult ADHD diagnosis, “There must be clear evidence of
significant impairment in social, school, or work functioning.” Before graduate school, I
wouldn’t have qualified for a diagnosis, because I didn’t feel impaired. I rejoiced in the
strange ways my brain works, the tangential intuitive leaps, the great creativity, and the
ability to keep many tasks going at once. Since the symptoms of my iteration of ADHD
include issues with self-motivation, lack of focus, and difficulty working in advance, graduate
school made it feel less like an adventure and more like a serious disability. I compared
experiences with another recently diagnosed graduate student while writing this article, and
he agreed with the particular difficulty of ADHD-inattentive with graduate school work.
Both of us were asked to leave our first research groups because of the effects of our ADHD
symptoms. I often lost my train of thought with my research entirely, taking a full week to
complete tasks that I know should have taken a few hours at most. The feeling of
inadequacy when compared to student who could do productive work 12-15 hours a day
was punishing, as was my negative self-talk about my lack of productivity. I intellectually
knew I was intelligent, but when I couldn’t focus, when I was doing poorly in my classes,
when I was falling behind on my grading... I felt like I wasn’t smart enough, and that I never
could be smart enough.
I felt inadequate outside of graduate school as well. I’d been living outside of my parents’
house since 2006, but I couldn’t seem to get on top of the basic tasks of self-sufficient
adulthood. My house was never clean, and I couldn’t find the motivation to care. Dishes
were the worst; I would leave one meal’s dishes to deal with later, then another, then I’d
reach a tipping point where I’d feel like I could never finish the dishes and just leave them
there. I was also failing at feeding myself. I couldn’t seem to plan ahead well enough to
make meals for when I was hungry, and even when I did, I convinced myself that I needed
to get things done for school and I didn’t have the time to make food. My friend also
experienced this difficulty with planning and acquiring food; he solved it by ordering in too
often, while I went the equally unhealthy road of eating far too little.
In retrospect, it was not only my ADHD that was causing the chaos in my life over the past
two years. My version of ADHD has performance-related anxiety along with it, and when my
ADHD caused me to perform poorly in school, my anxiety would act up, which would make it
even harder for me to focus, which would make the anxiety worse, and eventually I’d lose
the ability to do anything but curl up on the couch, not drink the cup of tea next to me, and
stare at the internet. Since this was keeping me from pursuing the science career I’d
dreamed about since I was 10, I developed depressive symptoms. I didn’t notice until later,
but I stopped enjoying things. I’d been an amateur jazz musician in college, and I didn’t
listen to music much. I didn’t read books for pleasure. I didn’t feel like dancing, or making
new friends, or really much of anything.
Having my official diagnosis helped a lot. The staff at CAPS made it very clear that I wasn’t
lazy, I was having legitimate problems, and that they would be there to help me succeed
with my ADHD however I wanted. I’ve enjoyed being part of the ADHD group at CAPS,
where we talk about our experiences, think about new strategies, and work on improving our
focus and relationship to the world using mindfulness meditation. Many of the other
members have similar stories; we’re all very smart people doing very difficult things, and we
all suddenly couldn’t cope. The support group got me started on a lot of strategies that help
me greatly. My two favorites are using timers to break extended tasks into short bites, and
“thinking like a waiter”.
By using timers, I can get a rational understanding of how long tasks actually take, which
keeps me from falling into the pattern of thinking that I can never finish them. For example, a
full kitchen of dirty dishes takes about fifteen minutes to clean. Once I was able to
conceptualize that, the cleanliness of my kitchen became far less stressful. “Thinking like a
waiter” is the concept of doing small things as you see them, and not giving yourself time to
put them on a growing mental task list. E-mail correspondence doesn’t get forgotten, coffee
cups don’t get left in my office to mold, and great ideas don’t get lost because I forgot to
write them down. Strategies don’t solve everything for me, but they help a lot.
As of this writing, I’ve started the second week of my medication trial. The psychiatrist
at CAPS and I decided on starting with Concerta, an extended-release form of Ritalin, and
so far, it’s been working extremely well. The first improvement I noticed was that I could filter
out background noise. I was able to notice that the HVAC in my office was on, but it wasn’t a
distraction, and it didn’t keep me from focusing. The pervasive brain fog that had plagued
me for months lifted almost immediately. I could focus on things when I wanted or needed
to, and I could just as easily stop focusing on them. Fortunately, I appear to tolerate them
extremely well; the only side effects I’ve had were an odd twitch in my right eye the first day
and a sharp loss of appetite. I lost five pounds that I wasn’t actually interested in losing in
the first four days on the medication. The other grad student who helped me with this article
is on Adderall tablets. He’s seen a lot of the same positives as I have, but a few different
side effects. At times, he’s felt his heart racing for no reason, and he’s had problems with a
dry throat.
Although both of us have experienced a great improvement during treatment, we both have
some nervousness related to talking about our ADHD to specific people. The other graduate
student is anxious about telling his advisor, since he feels like he’s on thin ice with him
already. His greatest fear is that if he tells his advisor, he’ll respond that if he’s having so
many problems with ADHD, he should leave with his master’s and try working a normal job
instead of continuing in academia. I leave his identity unmentioned for this reason, but thank
him for volunteering his experience. I’m worried about telling my mom that I’ve started taking
medication. When I was telling her about my experience with counseling and my diagnosis,
she was vehemently against the idea of me going on medication, even though I hadn’t
mentioned the possibility of talking to a psychiatrist. I hope that if she finds this post, any
uncomfortable conversations that follow will at least be based in a knowledge of how severe
my symptoms have been, and not an assumption that I’m using the ADHD as an excuse to
be lazy.
Now, I’m starting to enjoy things again, listening to more music, learning about new ideas,
and socializing with new friends. I’m really looking forward to getting back to fully enjoying
my ADHD. At its best, the ADHD brain has some powerful gifts. I’ve missed being able to
appreciate the fact that my brain doesn’t have a box to think outside of, and the powerful,
chaotic creativity that drives my work. I know that I’ll never be truly detail-oriented, but at the
same time, I won’t trip over details when trying to understand the full scope of a problem. I
can keep multiple tasks running in my mind, but I can also access hyperfocus, a unique,
strange, and intense state of absolute interest and focus. All of the treatment, both
pharmaceutical and psychological, won’t make me stop having ADHD, but it will make my
ADHD an asset rather than a profound disability.
Do you see aspects of your experience in mine? If you’re distressed by your brain, there are
free resources on campus. CAPS, in the Michigan Union, does ADHD screenings and
counseling. The evaluation takes two to three sessions. The drop-in ADHD group on
Monday at noon has been an extremely valuable resource for me. There are staff
psychiatrists at CAPS, and there’s a waiting period of a month after diagnosis for medication
evaluation. An ADHD diagnosis can also entitle you to formal accommodations through
Services for Students with Disabilities. If you have trouble completing exams in the time
allotted due to distractions or mental blanks, more exam time or a quiet room for exams is a
typical accommodation. I meet with an academic coach there, and she has been extremely
helpful in helping me recognize where my ADHD was causing me difficulties in time
management.
ADHD is a real disorder that can cause significant amounts of distress and impairment in
everyday life. It is not an excuse for laziness; it’s a difference in the brain. Adult ADHD is
often not obvious because the public concept of the disorder is that ADHD is for small, hyper
children, not intelligent adult graduate students who suddenly can’t cope with their workload.
Furthermore, ADHD isn’t a state of being “abnormal.” I vastly prefer to say that I’m not
neurotypical. Being typical is fine for some things, but when you’re working on difficult
creative problems, having typical thought processes can be a detriment. The way my brain
works might not be common, average, or pedestrian, but when it works with me instead of
against me, it’s a powerful advantage.
Source > http://www.rackham.umich.edu/blog/entry/grad_school_and_adhd/
Ok, I've got a book I just sort of yanked off the shelf at Barnes & Noble, called "ADD and the College Student." I'm only an undergrad (for the next month and a half, and then I'll be finished, thank goodness) and haven't yet read this book due to the fact that my newly-diagnosed butt is having major hyperfocusing problems and ironically doesn't have time to read a potentially-helpful book.
But here you are:
Following are listed as "COMMON ACCOMMODATIONS":
First, you're supposed to make sure your profs know what's up.Then,
"During lecture classes, the ADD student may:
Need to copy the notes of another student in class and may ask the professor's assistance in finding a note taker.
Need to tape-record the lecture, with the permission of the professor. Need to sit in the front of the room. Benefit from the use of visual aids, handouts, and the blackboard. Need to use a laptop computer.
When Writing Papers, ADD students may:
Need to meet with professors for clarification of writing assignments. Have rough drafts evaluated by the professor before handing in final
copies. (Done it, once.) Require extra time to complete writing assignments.<--This is me
right now. Use an editor for papers before submitting final drafts. (Hey, that
could be handy.) Need to use a computer for writing assignments.
During examinations, the ADD student may:
Need extended time to complete exams and/or administration of the exam in an environment free of distraction.
Need to alter the response format of a test. Need to take exams over a period of time in short intervals.
In terms of auxiliary aids, ADD students may also:
Need to use a calculator for assignments and/or tests. Need to order textbooks on tape...a process that requires getting a
book list well in advance of the course.
Other accomodations: (non-standard, but some schools will go for it.)
In lecture classes, the ADD student may arrange with the professor to sit by the door so that after 30 minutes he or she can quietly leave and walk around for a few minutes.
The ADD student may find it helpful to write and pass in papers in stages.<--That would be sweet, no?
An ADD student may do better with take-home exams. ADD students may be permitted to record an exam and pass the tape
in as the final copy. The professor would then grade the exam as an oral test..."
Those are the things she says. There's no specific mention of "Graduate School" anywhere, just college in general, but it's probably the same. I do know that the grad school I'm going to has an office for disability services, and they'd have a list of the stuff this school will do for you if you provide proper proof (from your doctor) that you have ADD.
Hope that helps a little, at least. In attempting to answer your question, I've essentially helped myself, as well, perhaps a bit. Hmmm....
Abused Verses In The Sermon On The Mount
Basically my reading of the Sermon on the Mount follows the materials produced by Glen Stassen (of Fuller) and Walter Wink � so you might find more helpful material from them if you ‘google’ their names and see what comes up.
But for communicating these ideas with young people, I think there’s a great opportunity to act out the section from Mt 5.38-42 (see notes following SO, below).
The important background material to understand is:
1. The Sermon on the Mount is NOT about the so-called ‘antitheses’ � Jesus is NOT contradicting or abolishing law (as 5.17-20 makes absolutely plain)!
Rather, Jesus is on about ‘transforming initiatives’ (Stassen’s term) � about fulfilling the intent of the laws in a new way through unexpected grace (or ‘surprising challenges’).
[Sometimes kids at Primary and Secondary School have done something like this when they've looked at how to overcome bullying in non-violent and creative ways � such as 'act cool' don't 'act aggro'].
2. These transforming initiatives follow after Jesus has quoted the Tradition (‘You have heard it said . . .’) and then explained the Problem (or ‘vicious cycle’ as Stassen calls it � sometimes these are implicit rather than explicit). So, for example:
Tradition: You shall not kill (5.21, which is a great law, and if only Christians alone could agree not to kill each other the world would be a better place!);
Problem: even if we obey that law, hatred and abuse will still flourish (5.22);
Transforming initiative: BEFORE you try to worship God � go and be reconciled with anyone who has anything against you!! (5.23-26) Now wouldn’t that make a difference if we tried PEACEMAKING AS A NECESSARY PRIORITY BEFORE WORSHIP!! And notice that it�s not making peace with people WE don�t like, but rather, finding out who has something against us, and reconciling with them!! That requires a lot of openness and communication.
3. These transforming initiatives are all explained in a patriarchal culture (which makes a big difference to how we understand 5.27ff and 5.31ff); a colonised culture (under the Romans � important for 5.38ff); and an agonistic culture (that is, a culture where honour/shame are primary values � a bit like in the Mafia movies! Important for understanding 5.38ff too).
SO, when we come to the
Tradition: “You have heard it said, ‘An eye for an eye . . .’” (which again, is a good law as an expression of justice in cultures where retribution was often over the top); we see the
Problem: “but I say to you, do not resist evil/evil doers violently (or: �do not resist by evil means�)” (entrenched reaction to evil/violence against evil � polarising the issue � does not lead to transformation!); and then follow the
Transforming initiatives:
a) When someone strikes you on the RIGHT cheek (ie. as a master would backhand a slave to publicly shame them), turn the other cheek (ie. invite them to hit you again AS AN EQUAL — you can’t backhand on the left cheek with the right hand; note that the left hand is not used for food or human contact). That is: challenge them to treat you as a person and not a possession;
b) When someone tries to sue you even to the point of taking your coat, give them your undercoat/shirt as well (that is, suggest they strip you naked, which in Jewish culture at least, would publicly shame them and you)! That is: force them to take account of what they are doing to you!;
c) When a Roman soldier forces you to carry their load for one mile (as marked by the Roman milestones on all Roman roads, and as explicitly permitted under Roman law), try to carry it for an extra mile also (which is NOT permitted under Roman law and may get the soldier into trouble) � forcing them again to consider what they are doing to you and how they are exploiting you;
d) BUT when someone BELOW you on the social scale (rather than in a position of power, as in the examples above) comes and begs from you, show mercy (5.42).
SO instead of ‘an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth’, maybe it’s ‘an eyeful for an eye and a truth for a tooth’!!
These transforming initiatives are more difficult for us to see in what Jesus says about adultery and divorce � but they are there nonetheless. The clue is to recognize the patriarchal assumptions of the culture of the day (and still of our day!), and that Jesus directly challenges those assumptions in what he says. That is: you men take responsibility for how you look at women and how you think about them (and take drastic action � forcefully, but figuratively stated!! � to avoid the evil consequences of your unbridled lusts); you men (and only men could divorce under Jewish law at the time) take responsibility for the way you force women into adultery by your abuse of the divorce laws (by upgrading and discarding wives and leaving them vulnerable
Again, Jesus does not oppose the Mosaic laws (including the divorce provisions � again, read Mt 5.17-20), but rather focuses on the transforming initiative that will fulfill the intent of those laws as they are justly interpreted and applied.
Keith Dyer (Whitley College, Melbourne)
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“Loving Enemies with Holy Mischief” Sermon from SundayPosted on February 21, 2011
Matthew 5:38-48
Delivered to Church for the Highlands: Sunday, February 20, 2011 John Henson
Audio Podcast is here.> http://preachingrhythm.com/2011/02/21/loving-enemies-with-holy-mischief-sermon-from-sunday/
ENEMIES. They are always around, aren’t they? Ralph Waldo Emerson put this fact
nicely when he wrote, He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare. And he
who has one enemy will meet him everywhere. Isn’t that the truth? Our enemies are
unavoidable. And it is inevitable that you and I will have an enemy of one sort pretty
much at any time as we go through life. They come in all shapes and sizes. They may
be among our family members, coworkers, classmates, abusers, bullies, systems,
bosses, etc. Enemies are something we all have and we all deal with them in various
ways, some healthy and others unhealthy. What I have found in life and certainly
throughout a study of history is that we rarely relate to enemies in a productive, healthy
way. We have had different approaches personally, nationally, etc. and none of them
ever seem to work. So what are we to do with our enemies, especially as followers of
Jesus?
This is something Jesus brought up with the disciples who had gathered on that hillside
where Jesus was preaching what we now call the Sermon on the Mount. As he looked
out at them, he fully realized their struggles with their enemies. Some of them may
have been enemies with each other, but, even more, they all had at least one enemy in
common: the Roman government. And Jesus himself was already collecting enemies.
His really began at birth when Herod expressed his jealous and paranoid actions upon
the firstborns of Israel. Jesus would continue to find himself surrounded by enemies.
So, this topic for this segment of his sermon was nothing but relevant. And it is nothing
but relevant for us, as we have our enemies of today. How are we to relate to our
enemies? What are we to do with people who are intent on doing us harm and making
our lives miserable?
Our record as Christians would show that we have messed this up at times. It is
interesting to trace Christian’s response to enemies throughout history, from the early
church, pre-Constantine Christianity, to post-Constantine Christianity, to Augustine’s
Just War. Then, there are the Crusades, the Inquisition, America’s Manifest Destiny
and warfare against the Native Americans, domestic violence rates in Christian families,
etc. One example is with Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who is the subject of a bestseller book
right now. Bonhoeffer, after an ethical struggle, decided his best option was to take up
violence by assassinating Hitler as a way to counter Hitler’s evil. But the plan failed and
the result was the unleashing of even more violence spewing from Hitler. Violence
begat more violence. It’s obvious that none of this works. So what is it that works?
We find an answer to this as we look closely at what Jesus is really saying and doing
here in our text today. What we find is that Jesus, just like with the other areas
mentioned last week, has developed a whole new way of living out God’s plan for the
world. It is what I would like to refer to today as the Third Way, a term coined by Walter
Wink. What is this “Third Way?” Well it helps us to look at Way 1 and Way 2 first.
Way 1 of dealing with enemies was what is described here in Jesus’ quote of the Law.
He states, “You have heard it said, . . .” and refers to the Law about eye for an eye and
tooth for a tooth. This was their way of dealing with one another when injury or death
occurred. It was tit for tat and provided approval for balanced retaliation against one’s
enemies. This was the standard and accepted way of dealing with your enemies. It
was unheard of to consider compassion or love for them. Later, after Jesus’ teaching
that upturned this way of dealing with enemies, Augustine developed a way for
Christians to deal with enemies that was an extension of tit for tat. The idea was that
retaliation and violence to enemies is only acceptable if it in self-defense, primarily in
defense of my neighbor whom I am commanded to love. Loving my neighbor means
defending her or him when assaulted by an enemy. This thinking became known as
“Just War,” and would be used against the Roman Empire and misused ever since for
many an “unjust” war.
Way 2 is the passive approach to enemies. This is the view we often mistakenly
attribute to Jesus and what he meant by “turn the other cheek.” It is the idea that Jesus
taught that Christians should not resist those who oppose them, but to take their abuse
or injustice as just part of the cost of following Jesus. This indeed sounds noble, but, as
we will soon see, this is not what Jesus is teaching here. If anything, Jesus provides a
great model for resistance, creative resistance intended to humiliate and shame one’s
enemy. This Way 2 is what is sometimes referred to as Pacifism and many religious
groups today hold to this idea.
So, what is Way 3, this “Third Way” of Jesus? We find it here in the Gospel text, in
looking at these examples that Jesus gives. Let’s hear them again.
The first one that Jesus mentioned was the one I think we most misunderstand. And for
that reason, it is the one we most dislike. We don’t like turning the other cheek or the
thought of having to take a beating. We would much rather use our fists than our
cheeks.
Hear again what Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a
tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on
the right cheek, turn the other also; So, just hearing this seems to indicate that Jesus
wants us to offer ourselves up for another beating. But, the way the people in Jesus’
time heard it is very different. It had to do with the customs of the day and what it meant
for someone to strike you. These people were used to being slapped around.
As Walter Wink puts it,
By turning the cheek, the servant makes it impossible for the master to use his backhand again; his nose
is in the way . . . The left cheek now offers a perfect target for a blow with the right fist, but only equals
fought with fists, as we know from Jewish sources, and the last thing the master wishes is to establish this
underling’s equality. This act of defiance renders the master incapable of asserting his dominance in this
relationship. By turning the cheek, then, the “inferior” is saying: “I’m a human being, just like you. I refuse
to be humiliated any longer. I am your equal. I am a child of God. I won’t take it anymore.”
Now, can you imagine how this was received by the crowd of disciples that day? Can
you just imagine how this empowered and encouraged them in their status? Yes, this
was a different way of relating to enemies all together and it certainly isn’t a passive
approach to an enemy’s abuse or violent tactics.
The same kind of tactic is seen in Jesus’ example of the cloak. Jesus said, . . . and if
anyone wants to sue you and take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone
forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. Give to everyone who begs from
you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you. In fact, it’s quite
humorous when you hear it within their cultural context. It would be normal for a debtor
to use his clothing as collateral on a loan if that is all he had left. But the clothing was
only to be the outer garment. Jesus told them not to stop there, but to inflict shame on
the person taking them to court by stripping down to nothing, by offering not just their
coat, but every thing they had. This was a way to point out the injustice of beating down
the poor, who were in such a state because of unjust practices against them. This
would be a way for them, the powerless, to get the upper hand through exposing the
shame of their creditors.
And then there is the backpack strategy. Jesus said, . . . and if anyone forces you to go
one mile, go also the second mile. It was not unusual for a Roman soldier to demand a
Jew to carry his backpack for him, but only for one mile, according to Roman law. So,
Jesus instructed his disciples to, when this happens, go ahead and carry it another
mile. This would make the solider look barbaric and would get him in trouble. Here
again, you can see the brilliance of Jesus’ tactics in taking action against enemies
rather than preaching passive submission. And such action, while direct, was with
radical love.
So, you say, this is all great and maybe even fun, but how does this work for me, with
my enemies? My enemies might fire me or beat me senseless or just shoot me. I might
get fired for using such tactics against my unethical boss. How will it work when you go
to your office tomorrow, or to a school with bullies, or driving around town and dealing
with hostile drivers on the way to work? What does this mean for me?
It means first of all to love them. It must be kept in mind that Jesus is not advocating
mischief and action just for the sake of winning against the enemy. No, what he is
about here is love. It is all about love. This is the foundation for the Kingdom of God
that Jesus teaches about and lives out with his life, even unto death on the cross. And
you must remember Jesus’ words here to love your enemies, just as you love your
family and friends. And you are to be so familiar with the love of God in your life that
your thoughts, actions and responses flow out of a deep well of God’s love within you.
It also means to make a commitment to non-violence in your response to your
enemies. In every nonviolent movement, like we recently saw in Egypt, there is always
the tendency to become violent when the enemy hits hard and inflicts evil on the
nonviolent. So, there must be a commitment, a pledge, to staying nonviolent even
when things get difficult and even deadly. Remember that violence begets more
violence, but love Jesus-style brings victory. Turn off, then, the itchy and scratchy style
video or a Saw 3 movie playing in your head for your enemy and envision what it will be
like to “kill” your enemy with kindness.
It means to have a bit of fun with them, with your creative resistance to their actions. It’s
what Shane Claiborne refers to as “Holy Mischief.” I believe Jesus wants us to use our
God-given imaginations to come up with innovative ways of preventing our enemies and
their hatred from shining brighter than the abundant and powerful love of God. Before
reacting or responding out of anger or self-defense, take some time to plan out a
scheme that will make Jesus smile and nod with a teacher’s approval. There are some
great examples of this in Shane Claiborne’s The Irresistible Revolution, in Gandhi’s
tactics against the British rule in India, and with Martin Luther King’s nonviolent
resistance in the civil right’s movement here in America (also, think Rosa Park’s simple
tactic of keeping her seat on the bus).
Finally, it means to have redemption as your goal with them. Even with Jesus’ tactics to
humiliate and shame his enemies, his actions had a redemptive goal and end. You can
see this as he interacted with his enemies, like when he put Malchus’ chopped-off ear
back on. You see it in Jesus even while he gets hung on the cross, “Father, forgive
them, for they know not what they do.” Our actions are to have the same redemptive
goal in mind. We are not to destroy our enemies, but to love them into the Kingdom of
God.
There is so much more for us to consider here, and I hope you will follow some of the
footnotes in the sermon this week and do some study of your own. I do want to close
with a quote from my favorite author I ran across again this week. It is from Magnificent
Defeat by Frederick Buechner. Here what he has to say about loving our enemies,
“The love for equals is a human thing — of friend for friend, brother for brother. It is to love what is loving and lovely. The world smiles.
“The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing — the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world.
“The love for the more fortunate is a rare thing — to love those who succeed where we fail, to rejoice
without envy with those who rejoice, the love of the poor for the rich, of the black man for the white man.
The world is always bewildered by its saints.
“And then there is the love for the enemy — love for the one who does not love you but mocks, threatens,
and inflicts pain. The tortured’s love for the torturer.
This is God’s love. It conquers the world.
Conquering the world with God’s love is exactly what Jesus was all about that day and
with every day of his life. And isn’t this what we are to be about, to “conquer the world”
with God’s love? May you greet your enemies with such love this week.
1 http://thinkexist.com/quotations/enemies/4.html 2 Wink, Walter. The Powers that Be: Theology for a
New Millennium. Augsburg Fortress. 1998. Chapter 5 is titled Jesus’ Third Way. I am indebted to
Wink’s explanation of this part of the Sermon on the Mount and I have found it to be the clearest,
easiest to apply understanding of Jesus’ teaching on dealing with enemies. To keep from footnoting
every instance, I preface this section by noting that I am borrowing concepts and ideas from Wink in
re: to this Third Way.3Claiborne, Shane. The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical.
Zondervan. 2006. Page 279. 4 I ran across the quote this week
inhttp://homileticsonline.com/subscriber/btl_display.asp?installment_id=93040583
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Up The Downward Spiral
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By Geno Sisneros (20 Feb 2011 00:00:00) > Epiphany 7
> Matthew 5:38-48
I'm a little embarrassed to admit that when I saw the Gospel reading the lectionary called for today, a small part of me wanted to call in sick. I find Jesus' words in this text some of the most challenging in the whole of the New Testament. I'll be honest, I did try to call in sick but our priest-in-charge only responded to my text with a hearty laugh. So.... here I am.
The part of today's Gospel reading that is causing my anxiety are Jesus' words, “You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.”
This text has long been used to show that Jesus was a pacifist in the strictest sense of the term – completely and absolutely opposed to violence or the use of force in any situation.
I do get the whole condemnation of the eye for eye, tooth for tooth mentality. Someone once said a society who lives by that type of justice ends up becoming an eyeless, toothless society. But I also realise the sentiment behind that mentality was a way to put a limit on just how much a wronged party could exact in retribution from you. For example, you could not demand the life of a person who stole cattle from you under this type of justice. But you could demand something equivalent up to the value of the stolen cattle, but nothing more.
So mainly, my anxiety is that I've never been comfortable with the interpretation of the rest of the text. “Do not resist an evildoer” and “if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also.” That Jesus commands us to become a doormat, a punching bag, when someone punches you in your stomach, are you to lift up your head and let them knock out your teeth as well, it seems unreasonable! I cannot imagine giving a person in an abusive relationship such horrible advice saying - Jesus said, “turn the other cheek.” But Jesus doesn't seem to allow for any exceptions here or am I wrong?
As Biblical scholar Walter Wink has said, Jesus understood this way, makes him impractical, masochistic, suicidal, doormat, cowardly, complicit.
But having said all that, as Christians we know through our faith and through our past experience that the text can indeed bless us because we believe in the integrity and the message of Jesus. But from my perspective, things are not looking so good for this particular text. But - like Jacob wrestling with the angel of the Lord for his blessing, I'm willing to wrestle with Jesus to try to get mine.
Theology students are taught the most important tool in Biblical Studies during their first year - putting text into context. This means that we acknowledge that we cannot wrestle with a Biblical text without looking at the three worlds that exist around any given piece of Biblical writing. These three worlds are: the world in the text (in this case Jesus preaching the Sermon on the Mount), the world behind the text (the Sermon on the Mount only appears in
Matthew's Gospel so the context here is the community Matthew wrote for) and the world in front of the text (this is you and I).
Matthew wrote probably a few years after the Temple had been destroyed and Jerusalem had fallen at the hands of the emperor Titus in the year 70. We know that each of the four Gospels strongly reflect what was happening in the life of the community to whom they were written for. At the time Matthew's Gospel was written his community was in the midst of transition and great distress. Themes of oppression and conflict were still very real to them. So it’s easy to see why Matthew's Jesus provides teaching on these themes.
When Matthew's Jesus says to not 'resist' an evildoer, the Greek word translated as “resist” is antistenai. Literally, anti which is 'against' and stenai which is 'stand' - to 'stand against'. “Do not ‘stand against’ an evildoer.” We see this word many times in the Hebrew Bible where it is used mainly in military terms. The image is that of two armies pushing against each other, neither backing down until they have annihilated the other.
Matthew's Jesus used this word explicitly because he knew it would incite images of military and war in the minds of his listeners. This sentence is a teaching about the response to military force.
Walter Wink's inspiring interpretation here is that evolution equips us with two responses in the face of that kind of violence, fight-or-flight. That is either, to fight back using violence against violence, or to run only to be hunted down or sit passively by and be killed. Wink believes that Jesus is challenging us in this text to find a ‘Third Way’. In saying “do not stand against an oppressor”; Jesus is warning us not to become what we hate. Answering violence with violence takes us down the downward spiral of more violence.
And what of the next sentence, “But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also”.
If we think literally about this sentence it sounds here like Jesus is speaking only to left-handed people! But I don’t think he thought they were more violent than right-handed people so there must be something more to it? To strike someone on the right cheek would require that we be left-handed. But we know in the Jewish culture of first century Palestine, the left hand was considered unclean. You wouldn't wave out to someone in the street with your left hand and you certainly wouldn’t strike them with it.
Aside from the fact that the left hand was considered unclean, “the left hand symbolized the power to shame society and was used as a metaphor for misfortune.”[2]
The word ‘left’ was a negative term. Even today we use the word 'right' as the opposite of wrong/left. The Greek word ‘Orthodox’ means ‘right thinking’, as opposed to ‘left’ or ‘wrong thinking’. We have a bill of “rights”, not a bill of ‘lefts’. The English word “sinister” comes from Latin for the word 'left'. ‘
Matthew’s community would have understood the connotation here. To strike someone on the right cheek, you would have to use the back of your right hand. You would back-hand them. Back handing someone is not usually used to injure them but to humiliate them. The back hand was used by a master to a slave, by a husband to his wife, by a father to any of his children. The idea here is that if someone backhanded me on my right cheek, ‘turning the other cheek’ to them would be a way to protest their mal-treatment of me, a way of re-affirming my humanity and of highlighting their shameful behavior.
I think all of these understandings also serve to illustrate that violence is never actually just about violence , it is always about domination. In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus’ is seeking to teach non violent responses to domination. Jesus was challenging Matthew’s community to find a “Third Way”.
The past few weeks have been remarkable. The uprisings by the people of Tunisia and Egypt, among other places, have shown that with united minds and united voices, sometimes, there can be a Third Way. History has also shown that to be true. The Third Way in these situations have been about nonviolent protest and civil disobedience – not resisting violence on its own terms. However, I can’t help but think of the victims of genocide throughout history and what the Third Way meant for them. The Third Way, at times, seems easier said than done.I wish I could say that I’ve completely wrestled my blessing out of the text, but I haven’t. I do have a greater understanding and a greater appreciation of Jesus’ teaching and because of that, I believe God, through Jesus, has given us hope. I pray that more and more each day, our hearts and minds are opened wider to the Third Way. In the meantime, I will keep wrestling, and I hope
______________________________________________________________________________
The Beatitudes: Pathways of Living in True Joy and Peace
by Virginia Schurman
Reflections and Queries for Sharing
The teachings of Jesus called the Beatitudes, recorded in the gospels of
Matthew (5:1-10) and Luke (6:20-23), are an invitation to a way of living
that brings true happiness and both inward and outward peace. The
beatitudes call us to a radically new way of being when we center our lives
on God, and we become transformed. The beatitudes call us to true
happiness and the deepest of joy as we find our true identity in our
relationship with God and true peace both inwardly and outwardly.
Beatitude” is Latin for “an abundant happiness”. In his lesson on the
Beatitudes, Jesus calls us to an abundant happiness that makes us complete
and whole, in which we find our true selves, the person that God intends us
to be. God leads us to a transformation of ourselves, gives us the ability to
see what needs to be transformed and to find God’s help in that
transformation. They lead us to a peace and joy to be experienced here and
now: in knowing Christ’s Living Presence. Just as He did over 2000 years
ago in Galilee, the Living Christ brings joy as He seeks us through and
accompanies us in our pain. He brings a joy which sorrow and loss and pain
and grief are powerless to touch, a happiness that shines through our tears.
This is a joy that nothing in life or death can take away, because nothing in
life or death can separate us from the love of Christ (Romans 8:38-39). As
Jesus said, “no one will take your joy from you” (John 16:22).
Each Beatitude begins with the word “blessed.” The Greek word translated
as “blessed” means “extremely fortunate, well off, and truly happy” because
one is favored by God. To live the Beatitudes is to be centered on God and
God’s desires for our life. They invite us to live in a true inward peace that
leads to a desire to be outward peacemakers, to bring reconciliation, to
seek out opportunities for mercy and compassion, to pursue justice and
righteousness as a hunger and thirst. We live the Beatitudes where we are
right now, one day at a time, one leading at a time, and one action at a time.
We live them realizing that we are imperfect, that we make mistakes, and
need forgiveness. We live them with confidence in Jesus’ promise of a joy
and peace that only God can give.
The eight Beatitudes in Matthew can be arranged into two categories. The
first reflect a longing for a deeper relationship with God (blessed are those
who hunger and thirst for righteousness, blessed are the poor in spirit,
blessed are those who mourn). The second group reveal the transformation
of our lives as fruits of that relationship (blessed are the pure of heart, the
meek, the merciful, the peacemakers, the persecuted). The first group
brings us into closer relationship with God which results in the
transformation of our lives described in the second group.
—
The beatitudes leading to longing for a deeper relationship with God
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be
filled” (Matthew 5:6)
In the days in which Jesus lived and taught, it was common for people to be
literally dying of hunger and thirst. They lived where both food and water
were scare. Jesus asks in this Beatitude whether we want a deeper
relationship with God as much as a starving person wants food, or as much
as one dying of thirst wants water. Jesus’ message echoes the experiences
of the Psalmist: “As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for
you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God” (Psalm 42:1). The
soul longs for spiritual food and finds it in Christ’s presence.
When Jesus uses the word “righteousness,” He refers to living in
accordance with God’s desires for us, in right relationship with God and
with others. How much do we hunger and thirst to initiate and sustain
righteous relationships in all aspects of our daily lives?
Queries for reflection and sharing on this Beatitude:
1. For what do I most hunger and thirst? How much do I long for a closer
relationship with God?
2. What draws me closer to God? Away from God?
3. How does the Holy Spirit call me to become more centered and in right
relationship with God and with others?
—
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven”
(Matthew 5:1)
This beatitude can be paraphrased as “I need help, I can’t do it alone.” Jesus
calls us to realize our own spiritual helplessness and to put our whole trust
in God.” Being poor in spirit leads us to humbleness before God.
We become poor in spirit when everything we rely on falls apart. For some,
it is losing loved ones, for others, failure of a cherished dream or ambition,
loss of a job, loss of faith in others or ourselves, prolonged periods of
dryness in our spiritual life, illness, or other experiences.
In these painful times, in this poverty of spirit, we learn to redefine our
attachments. We learn not to rely on the usual things that our culture relies
on to define one’s identity: wealth, status, possessions, and even other
people. All of these can be taken from us, and we learn that God alone is the
only enduring one. We find our true self in our relationship with God.
Jesus says that the poor in spirit are received into the kingdom (or rule or
reign) of heaven, where all of creation is once again in right relationship
with God and with each other. Jesus teaches that the kingdom of heaven is
within (Luke 17:21), as we grow in relationship to the Inward Christ. We
learn that our needs and concerns are important, but so are the needs and
concerns of others. We learn how to love others with a true compassion. We
are more open to seeing God at work in the creation and in others. We learn
how to live in ways that our life becomes more unified. We learn that the
only real peace comes from our relationship with God and in living in God’s
realm.
In this beatitude, Jesus echoes the promises of the Psalms: “I sought the
Lord and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. Look to Him
and be radiant; so your faces shall never be ashamed. This poor soul cried,
and was heard by the Lord, and was saved from every trouble” (Psalm 34:4-
6).
Queries for reflection and sharing:
1. What has been my experience of becoming poor in spirit? How has that
helped or hindered me in my relationship with God?
2. What helps me to rely more and more on the Holy Spirit and to center my
life on God?
3. What helps me to become more a part of God’s realm (God’s way of being
and doing) in my daily life? in my home life? at work?, in my community?, in
the Meeting?, in the wider world?
—
“Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted” (Matthew
5:4)
There is an Arab proverb paraphrased as “All sunshine makes a desert.” A
desert is a place where no fruit can grow. There are many things that
sorrow can do. It can bring us to a total reliance on God that would not have
been possible in the “good” times. Sorrow can make us more compassionate
toward others, since we have walked in their shoes and know their pain and
sorrow first hand. Sorrow can show us the essential kindness of others who
reach out to us in our need. Sorrow can show us the comfort and
compassion of Christ, who walks with us in our sorrow and is a
compassionate and understanding companion because He has experienced
deep sorrow Himself in his earthly life. In sorrow, we are driven to the deep
places of life and a new strength and beauty can enter our soul.
Those who sorrow and mourn include those grieving over the death of a
loved one, those who are in physical pain, and those who have a disabling
condition such as a chronic disease. Those who mourn include the hungry,
the homeless, the persecuted, those without hope, and those suffering from
depression or mental illness. It includes those who feel their own
shortcomings and their lack of love for God and for others.
Jesus promises that each of us will be comforted by the presence of the
Living Christ, who walks with us in our pain. We are also led through our
experiences of pain to become comforters to others. The word that Jesus
uses for “comfort” also means, “to encourage, to excite, to urge.” We
become truly compassionate through our experiences of pain. We are
enabled to be God’s helpers and to reach out in love to others because we
know their pain first hand. Comfort is promised by the Psalmist “My soul
languishes for your salvation; I hope in your word.” (Psalm 119:82)
Queries for reflection and sharing:
1. How has mourning in all its manifestations brought me closer to God and
others?
2. In what ways have suffering and difficulties brought new openings in my
spiritual life?
===
The Beatitudes showing us the ways in which our relationship with
God transforms us and our lives
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” (Matthew 5:8)
Jesus used the word “heart” as we would “mind” or “will.” In the days of
Jesus’ earthly life, the heart was considered the source of an individual’s
thoughts, desires, and actions. The person was whatever his or her heart
was. In the Hebrew Bible, only Yahweh could truly know one’s heart. The
Psalmist wrote, “Those with clean hands and a pure heart will ascend the
hill of the Lord.” (Psalm 24:3-5) and “Truly God is good to the upright, to
those who are pure of heart” (Psalm 73:1)
In Jesus, we see what it is like to be pure in heart. He took on human nature
and modeled a life centered on God. He was constantly in touch with God
and did God’s will in all things. He accepted lowliness and poverty. He had
a particular regard for those rejected by others; the ones that others
rejected and did not love – the poor, the prisoners, the sick, and the women
and children. To become pure of heart is to have all aspects of our lives
centered on God, our thoughts, desires, and actions. To become pure of
heart means that all aspects of our life radiate from our experiences of
God’s love.
Queries for reflection and sharing:
1. What encourages me to place God more and more at the center of my life,
so that my thoughts, desires, and actions flow from that Center?
2. What helps me to seek and be content with God’s will in all things?
3. Are there impediments in my spiritual life, which are hindering my
growth?
—
“Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth” (Matthew 5:5)
This beatitude echoes Psalm 37:11: “the meek shall inherit the land and
delight in abundant prosperity.” The meaning of meekness is very complex.
The Greek word “meek” can also be translated as “humble” or “powerless”.
It is not being a doormat. Meekness arises from being centered on God. It is
a fruit of being pure in heart, of living out God’s will in all aspects of our
daily life. The apostle Paul says that the meek exercise self control in all
things. For example, meekness is knowing, with God’s guidance when to get
angry and how to get angry. Jesus, as the example of meekness in all things,
called the self-righteous “hypocrites and whitewashed tombs,” and drove
the moneychangers from the temple but did not resist His persecutors when
He was arrested and tried. The meek Jesus lived His life in balance and
never in the extremes of destructive rage on one hand or cowardice on the
other. Meekness makes us self-possessed and lets us see the truth about
ourselves and others that we can miss when we’re overwhelmed by
emotion.
Meekness toward others implies loving-kindness and gentleness of spirit,
and a freedom from malice and a vengeful spirit. Meekness is also how we
respond to others in the face of insult and suffering. The meek do not resist
evil, but overcome evil with good (Matthew 5:39).
There is also meekness toward God, when we are so open to God’s guidance
that we do not reject it even when it challenges us to change or to do
something that we personally dislike. Meekness involves resignation, a calm
acquiescence to God’s will for us. Meekness is one of God’s gifts to us, one
of the fruits of the Spirit described by Paul in Galatians (5:22-23).
Meekness helps us live a true humility and makes us “teachable,” because
the more we grow spiritually, the more we realize how little we do know,
and that in our spiritual life it is not possible or important to know
everything. In meekness, we come to trust in God, that what we do need to
know will be revealed to us, as we need it, and that walking with God is
taking only one step at a time in faith.
Queries for reflection and sharing:
1. What are my experiences of being meek with others and with God? of
being resigned to God’s will?
2. What helps me to live in balance and not in destructive rage or
wimpiness?
3. How does the Spirit help me to develop kindness, gentleness, self-control,
patience, and humbleness? to temper my anger? to love all people, even
those who irritate me?
—
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew 5:7)
The word “mercy” is used in the Bible to refer to God’s actions. In being
merciful, we are reflections of God’s Love. Mother Theresa of Calcutta
devoted her life to help the dying, who were outcasts and rejected by
everyone else. She wrote that she was led to do this to share the great love
that God had given her and because she saw Christ coming to her in these
outcasts to be loved and to be served.
The Aramaic word that Jesus used for “mercy” implies that we identify with
others: we see things as others see them, we feel as others feel, we are
going through what the other person is going through because we have
experienced the same things ourselves. Our experiences allow us to know
what that person needs and to respond in a way that is right for them. They
also make forgiveness easier because we understand a person’s reasons for
thinking and acting in a certain way. This is what God did for us by
becoming human in Jesus, who learned by experience to see with a person’s
eyes, to experience with a person’s feelings, to think with a person’s
thoughts. He came to know all the joys and sorrows of being human first
hand.
Queries for reflection and sharing:
1. How have my experiences helped me to be more loving to others? To
identify with them, help them, and to forgive them?
2. How does the Holy Spirit help me to be merciful? What have been my
struggles in being merciful and forgiving?
—
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of
God”(Matthew 5:9)
The word “peace” is used in the Bible over 400 times. The Hebrew word
“shalom,” which we translate into English as “peace,” has many meanings.
It means more than the absence of war or conflict. It means a condition of
completeness, in which nothing is lacking. It means perfection, in which
everything which makes for a person’ highest good is present. In the
Hebrew Bible, Yahweh is peace. In the Christian Bible, Jesus is the Prince of
Peace. Jesus, in His final talk with His disciples before His death, said
“Peace I leave you, my peace I give to you” (John 14:27). When one is at
peace, one is in a perfect state of well being within one’s self and with
others and is in perfect synchrony with God.
What does it mean to be a peacemaker? First, we accept God’s gift of peace
ourselves, the inward peace that we know when we live our lives in Christ’s
Living presence and according to God’s guidance. We have peace within
ourselves and are given purity of heart when our whole heart and life is
given over to God. From this overwhelming experience of the abundance of
God’s love, we are led to be loving to others. We know that this loving may
be very costly to us. On one hand, it may be well received and returned or
we may be rejected or persecuted for it. Jesus understands this all too well.
It is one of the mysteries of the Cross. Jesus also understands that it was
only this radical love, which dared to love while expecting no love in return,
that can cut across and end the mounting barriers of increasing revenge
and hatred, which dominate our world.
Queries for reflection and sharing:
1. Have there been times in my life in which God’s love has brought me to a
place of internal peace?
2. In what ways am I led to be a peacemaker in my home life? at work? in
my community?, in the Meeting?, in the wider world?
—
“Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, for
theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven” (Matthew 5:10)
Those who have devoted their life to God and living by God’s values and are
being led in all things by God, are inevitably going to challenge systems
based on other values. God’s realm of love, righteousness, truth and justice
challenges systems built on the opposite values of power, greed, oppression,
falsehood, and the exploitation of others and the creation.
Jesus Himself knew persecution, as did the Early Christians and the Early
Friends. Persecution can take many forms – death, imprisonment, shunning,
verbal expressions, etc. We are called to be meek and respond to
persecution with loving-kindness.
Queries for reflection and sharing:
1. In what ways am I called to challenge systems built on power, greed,
oppression, falsehood, and exploitation of others and of the creation?
2. Is my witness strong enough -am I doing anything worthy of being
persecuted?
3. Do I love and pray for those who persecute me?
===
The beatitudes call us to a new way of being and doing that can radically
transform our lives and the lives of all we touch. They bring true happiness
and the deepest of joy as we find our true identity in our relationship with
God and true peace both inwardly and outwardly.