Grapes, Nuts & Carrots

When I was a little kid, my mother always kept Grapes, Nuts and Carrots around because she was a good mother and knew they were my favorite things to eat. When I went to bed, I took a mayonnaise jar of water, a Carrot, a few Nuts (Pecan-my favorite) and Grapes.

All of my life, I have been fussed at because of my diet and that is mostly because of what people See me eat, smoke, ingest and drink.

I’m a gourmet chef and I love junk food. When out and about, we do the drive threw and eat in the car or take some home. When I sit down at the dinner table, I eat what’s served. Eating is often a social thing (cooking and eating around the campfire is probably why we have language…… Cultural anthropology: the human challenge - Google Books ResultWILLIAM A. HAVILAND, HAROLD E. L. PRINS, DANA WALRATH - 2007 - Social Science The appearance of cultural adaptations such as controlled use of fire,cooking, and more complex tool kits may have facilitated languagedevelopment. ... I also love booze……….all kinds! However, when I serve my dinner guest, I don’t plop

down a bottle of whisky, and bowel of peanuts and grapes………….I cook for two days and serve fancy stuff.

In Texas, people regard Hackberry and Mesquite trees as weeds………….because they are common. Grappa is made from the skin, seeds and stems of the grape (leftovers after the good stuff goes to make the wine) and was once peasant booze (then it got trendy and now it’s expensive) Lobster was once food only for prisoners, Quiche Lorraine was once peasant food, Iceberg

lettuce is considered junk because it’s common. I am a gourmet chef but I am not a food snob because it’s all relative. It’s common at some time and some place and exotic and fancy somewhere else.

I often have to apologize to the chef or take home a doggy bag because I rarely ever eat much at a sit down meal. This is partly because I’m a snaker. I go willy-nilly through life with little things in my hands……….a Tortilla Chip, a bit of Cheese, a Cracker, a Cigar, bit of Fruit, a piece of Carrot, a Potato Chip a Brandy Snifter and most often, Grapes & Nuts. People only See what I eat about 10% of the time.

I love the Grape in all its forms and I’m such a nut because I eat so many of them (nuts that is). I tell people to never eat the same things two days in a row (Bacon & Eggs every morning will clog your arteries……..try Kippers instead of Pork) and I cheat. But I eat many little doodads between the Grapes, Nuts and carrots……..Cookies, bits of Chocolate,

Smoked Oysters on a Cracker, a Beer, an Ice-Cream Bar, a Corny Dog, a Glass of Wine, a Grape Soda, a Taco etc.

Bugger I am forced to have Nuts in my pocket most of the time because my squirrels are very religious. They believe that I am the great god………..Nut, from wince all nuts originate. At the grocery store, I take out my nuts with my change and the infidels refuse

to accept my Nuts as payment for my Grapes and Carrots. Blasphemy!

I lived in Germany when I was young and I will always love Spätzle, Apfelstrudel, Bratwurst, Sauerkraut, Roggenbrot, Apfelstrudel and all that Wunderbare Deutsche Speise. I also lived in Spain and Italy and I am addicted to Garlic, Olive Oil and Wine……………………………………the

Mediterranean Diet. I didn’t put Garlic and Olive Oil in the title because everybody who knows me knows that I cook everything in it. My favorite town in Germany is Bernkastel an der Moselle, in Spain it is Jerez de la Frontera and my favorite region in Italy is Veneto………lots of Grapes. I was even once a dishwasher, busboy, handyman and chef at a restaurant called The Grape.

Of course, as I grew older, I discovered the Grape in other forms: First there was Sherry (Jerez Fino), then Vino Tinto, then Vino Blanco and eventually the crowning glory…….Coñac!

Off and on throughout my life, I have had pet squirrels (as well as many other critters) and had therefore to always keep a great

supply of Nuts. The squirrel on my shoulder and looking for the Nuts was named Frank.

As my teeth got old, I discovered Carrot Juice, and next to Coñac, my favorite (non alcoholic) drink is a Carrot Juice, Vanilla Yogurt and Vanilla Soy Milk……….Shake (my invention). Also, when I got GERD, I had to cut down on Red Wine but at Costco I discovered Reversitall and later TruNature (brand name) Grape Seed & Resveratrol…………which I have taken

religiously ever since I heard about it on 60 Minuets a couple years ago. I hate mosquitoes!

So as to remain in the grace of Saint Francis of Assisi, I often keep Nuts with the change in my pockets.

My second elementary school was named Walnut Hill because it was once surrounded by Black Walnut Trees. They are mostly gone now but when I was a kid I often stuffed a bunch in my pockets.

I grew up playing and building tree houses on Bachman Creek. Now it is littered with Dallas McMansions but back then it was a wild place. In Paleolithic time, Mammoths were driven off the big bluff near Midway Road and their teeth, scattered along the creek, were so common that I never even bothered to keep any………….now I wish I had.

Cochran Chapel is the oldest church in Dallas and was founded on Bachman Creek in 1844.

Common in most of Texas are the majestic Pecan Trees in which I built my tree houses along Bachman Creek. In season, I gathered sacks of Pecans…… ate them and fed them to my animals.

Also common in much of Texas are the Mustang Grapes that grow wild along the creeks. They make your mouth pucker like unripe Persimmons (also wild in Texas) but I ate them anyway. I made jelly with them once and a pie another time. In Boy Scouts, we also smoked the vines (like cigarettes) and they burned our mouths but we did it anyway.

It was essential that I always keep a good supply of nuts. Frank # 2 is in this picture.

I never found Carrots growing wild in Texas but they were cheap in the stores. About 30 years ago I got my first juicer and have been hooked on Carrot Juice ever since……….but I mostly just buy it ready made now. If I had to choose three things to eat for the rest of my life, I would hate to give up Texas Bar-B-Q, Fried Seafood and Gelato but I would have to choose Grapes (in one form or another) Carrots, or Carrot Juice,

and Nuts. These days I get a lot my Nuts from Texas Pecans. The older I get, the more I’m asked about my diet. If my arithmetic is wrong, it’s Bugger’s fault. And here it is, as best as I can recall, during most of my 68 years: 2 % Olive Oil, 2% Garlic, 13% Nuts, Grapes & Carrots, 4% Red Meat, 4% White Meat, 10% Seafood (preferably fried in Garlic & Olive Oil), 10% Fruit & Vegetable Juice, Booze (mostly Coñac & Red Wine…….& some Beer), 5% Grain (e.g. Bread) 2% Butter, Milk, Cheese & Eggs, 13% Veggies (e.g. White Asparagus, Artichoke in any form, Onions, great piles of Garlic, Potatoes (including sweet), Arugula and all salad vegetables, Peas-Corn-Rice, Spinach and all Greens, Tomatoes, Cabbage, Mushrooms (some Psychedelic) Parsnips-all Root Vegetables, Peppers-especially Jalapeños etc.), 20% Fruit (all) and 5% Tobacco,

Herbs, Vitamins & Supplements Sodey Pop Marijuana & exotic experiments-goofy stuff…….try anything. For breakfast this past week, I had: 1. Monday: 2 Sardines, 2 Strawberries, a piece of Canadian style French Toast, and a glass of Berry Juice 2. Tuesday: leftover, cold Pizza and a glass of Soymilk3. Wednesday: 1 Knockwurst, a piece of Pumpkin Pie, and a glass of V8 Juice 4. Thursday: a Spanish Omelet, a piece of Honeydew Melon and a glass of Grape Juice 5. Friday: 1 Kipper, sliced Tomatoes, Hash browns (fried in Garlic & Olive Oil), and a Snifter of Brandy 6. Saturday: 1 piece of leftover fried (Garlic & Olive Oil) Codfish, a Banana, a piece of Toast, and a glass of Berry Juice

7. Sunday: Blueberry Pancakes, 2 slices of Bacon, a bowel of Raspberries with Butterscotch and Soy Milk, and a glass of V8 Juice I am An Extremely Lucky Fool! If you read this, I’m amazed that anybody would bother.